Captain Invictus posted:

My aunt worked for the new jersey environmental monitoring center or some poo poo and she could just ramble on and on for hours about how much she loving hated deer. A plague upon forests, the Trojan horse of the suburbs, lulling idiot suburbanites into thinking they're cute and harmless while they systematically annihilate entire forests worth of saplings while being protected from extermination by ignorant carebears despite their overpopulation. They really are just giant rats

Space Jam posted:

you haven't lived until you've run buck naked through a forest, being one with nature, turgid penis swinging with the freedom with which you were born, sneaking up on that deer and breaking its dumb loving neck before running off into the underbrush to avoid the park rangers

null_pointer posted:

What thread was this intended for?

Captain Invictus posted:

My aunt worked for the new jersey environmental monitoring center or some poo poo and she could just ramble on and on for hours about how much she loving hated deer. A plague upon forests, the Trojan horse of the suburbs, lulling idiot suburbanites into thinking they're cute and harmless while they systematically annihilate entire forests worth of saplings while being protected from extermination by ignorant carebears despite their overpopulation. They really are just giant rats

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

huge slam on rats outta nowhere

rats are cool

Cpt_Obvious posted:

This is just what happens when you transubstantiate an entire birthday cake.

EorayMel posted:

Grognan posted:

on the other hand nobody really looks at you strangely if you are eating venison

BeanpolePeckerwood posted:

I love your highlights sections. goon lists still innovating half a decde on

Relax Or DIE posted:

I always enjoy the lists – I read every post in these threads – but I know not all of you are about reading. You’re about gaming! So this year I thought I’d provide an option for those of you who may wish to engage with a top ten in the most gamer fashion: blasting demons. If you’d like to instead play my goty list in Doom 2, here you go: https://github.com/RelaxOD/doomwads/blob/main/gotyrod.wad

Wittgen posted:

"Wow, goons are still innovating best of lists" followed immediately by "I made my list as a doom wad" is just incredible.

Endman posted:

Oswald loading his carcano with loving flubber

ScrubLeague posted:

Endman posted:

sebmojo posted:

Today I found out that Clifford "cuckoo's egg" Stoll now has a business selling Klein bottles from an intensely 1993-rear end website and that knowledge has given me a great sense of well-being

Chamale posted:

A new twist in the old "Who killed JFK?" argument

Robobot posted:

I don't like his floors. Gray floors make any room boring and uninteresting.

ante posted:

Empty Sandwich posted:

I'm glad you posted this bc I ordered one for my scientist BFF and Mr Stoll emailed me an utterly charming series of photos of the bottle by his wife's garden and then the process of packing the piece.

it showed up today and he's drawn on the box, sent some extensive literature, and drawn and written on that, too. very wholesome, 10/10.

Empty Sandwich posted:

I'm glad you posted this bc I ordered one for my scientist BFF and Mr Stoll emailed me an utterly charming series of photos of the bottle by his wife's garden and then the process of packing the piece.

it showed up today and he's drawn on the box, sent some extensive literature, and drawn and written on that, too. very wholesome, 10/10.

Captain Hygiene posted:

Whoa there buddy, this isn't the place for awesome, wholesome forum quotes

Inceltown posted:

The MSJ posted:

Hahaha.

https://twitter.com/TF_Moments/status/1605456177919205377?s=20&t=lKVwYdk2vx4a-YDHqNnQbw

flavor.flv posted:

You can't just dump supermechagodzilla on twitter normies they'll start tearing each other apart like event horizon

Jedit posted:

I don't know about Robobot, but I'd be worried if someone sent me a letter like that written on skin.

The Sausages posted:

TOW has a ~4kg warhead so it may have been something else bc my memory of TOW vs Infantry vids is rather vivid. Also it's apocryphal but apparently people can chill after a "close one" without knowing they're hit by shrapnel.

Neddy Seagoon posted:

Omae wa mou shrapneldeiru.

McNally posted:

I think this happened at 135th Gettysburg in 1998. This was a big event that took place during the heyday of reenacting, when they could field almost as many reenactors as there were soldiers on the field.

The story takes place on the night of the second day of the reenactment. The Union lines held firm after repulsing a Confederate attack on the flanks. It was a particularly hot and dry July that year, so he and his fellows decided the best way to end the night is with beer and wings someplace air conditioned.

Many beers were consumed, much air condition absorbed, and so most of the reenactors called it a night and returned to their tents. But not our hero. He and a friend, who had also been recently divorced, felt it necessary to explore the popular drinking establishments of fine historic Gettysburg. At one such establishment they encountered some college students and decided to drink with them.

Shots may have been involved.

So at last call, our hero decides to order a final round of shots to cap off the night before he and his compatriot returned to camp. Bracing his hand on an object above the bar, he stood there waiting for his order. Once delivered, he attempted to disentangle his hand from the object above the bar, only to find his hand was caught. Refusing to be deterred by such an entanglement, he yanked his hand down, freeing it, and returned to his new friends and their final shots.

It was about this point he discovered his hand was dripping.

As it happens, the object above the bar was a shark's jaw.

"Hey, you're bleeding," said one of the college students.

"Ayyyyymm finessssssnobideal" replied our hero, wrapping his hand in his handkerchief.

Finishing their shots, our hero and his comrade decided to return to camp.

Only to discover they had no loving idea where they were.

After stumbling around for awhile, they eventually lost consciousness in a field and awoke to find the sun's harsh glare staring down at them, in silent judgement. Now that they could see where they were and where they were going, they returned to the camp. Our hero found his way to his tent, crawled inside, lie down, and closed his eyes.

"FIRST CALL!" Time for Pickett's Charge!

Swearing profusely, he crawled out of his tent, put on his gear and noticed that his hand kinda hurt. Oh, and his handkerchief was tied around it. And it was soaked in blood. Still, not wanting to miss the day's events, he staggered into formation, marched with the regiment to their position, and resumed his nap. I don't remember whether or not he participated in the fight, but I think he did.

Afterwards he found his way to one of the medical tents the event established in the event of things like "heat stroke" and "sprained ankles"

"Hey," he said, "I, uh, snagged my hand on my bayonet." They looked at his hand and decided that he needed to see a doctor.

The doctor looked at his hand and asked what happened.

"I think I snagged it on my bayonet or something, I dunno" said our hero.

The doctor was having none of it.

"I interned in Florida. I know a shark bite when I see one. What the gently caress happened to your hand?"

So our hero reluctantly told the doctor about the jaws above the bar. His hand was cleaned and treated and our hero left in search of some aspirin and water.

This is not the end of the story.

A week or so later, the local paper ran a story about the big reenactment. There was a sidebar item next to the article, talking about the hard work of medical volunteers which had a tallied list of injuries and wounds sustained that weekend:

Heat exhaustion: 128
Sprained ankles: 47
Broken foot: 3
Shark bite: 1

Cythereal posted:

This is not the end of the story.

RFC2324 posted:

they won't let me ban him, but I keep trying

Cythereal posted:

echinopsis posted:

fool the gait tracking by getting extremely intoxicant on a variety of different intoxicants on different days

Casual Encountess posted:

or just start wearin heels to work! but not every day!

Beeftweeter posted:

better yet, wear heels on one foot but not the other (switch during the day), but sometimes both and sometimes neither. nobody will have any idea how tall you are

PokeJoe posted:

The Russians put a pebble in their shoe

Mister Speaker posted:

Contaminated cronut burger cause of 150 illnesses at CNE

quote:

Bacteria in the cronut burgers sold by a Canadian National Exhibition food vendor caused roughly 150 people to become ill with food poisoning, according to Toronto Public Health.

The cronut burger, a beef patty between two doughnut-croissant pastries and topped with maple-bacon jam, had been the suspected source, but it was confirmed Friday afternoon.

Macdeo Lurjtux posted:

One burger fed 150 people? And it gave them all food poisoning? Is this just viral marketing for the Troma's version of The New Testament?

Pontificating rear end posted:

If you think about it Santa is a sovereign citizen

Pepe Silvia Browne posted:

OH HO HO HO, THE GOLD TRIM ON MY SLEIGH MEANS YOU CAN'T PULL ME OVER, FED!

Milo and POTUS posted:

Actual sodomy would probably be preferable

Chris Knight posted:

Sapozhnik posted:

why do americans all seem to hate their families

rotor posted:

what would you do if YOUR family were all americans?