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(Thread IKs: Josherino)
 
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Jorge Bell
Aug 2, 2006
Hey 802.11weed are you seeing a therapist too or just a psychiatrist? A psychiatrist's job is pretty much just to alter your brain's chemistry, their role is not to be a comprehensive mental health solution. Just asking since that's all you mentioned there.

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AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012


IDGI

802.11weed
May 9, 2007

no
I am. I’ve seen a few different ones over the years. My current therapist has been great at helping me with anxiety, but I struggle to bring up the depression. I’m not confident that anything could help, so why waste precious session time on it when I could be getting more help with anxiety, which feels more curable?

thehandtruck
Mar 5, 2006

the thing about the jews is,

802.11weed posted:

I am. I’ve seen a few different ones over the years. My current therapist has been great at helping me with anxiety, but I struggle to bring up the depression. I’m not confident that anything could help, so why waste precious session time on it when I could be getting more help with anxiety, which feels more curable?

doesn't sound like a good strategy from where I'm sitting!!

Jorge Bell
Aug 2, 2006

thehandtruck posted:

doesn't sound like a good strategy from where I'm sitting!!

thotsky
Jun 7, 2005

hot to trot

AceOfFlames posted:

Why the gently caress can't people stop trusting their own opinions over actual data? I don't "believe" in anything nor want to! Knowledge doesn't now should make me "feel" anything. What makes me "feel" angry is people trusting their own feelings instead of being logical!

More and more people are being split into tribes. I don't want to join a tribe.

I want everyone to love me. I want everyone to like me. I want to agree with everyone. I want everyone to care about my well-being, to see me as a friend.

I want to be able to talk to someone and not trip on their own basic assumptions of reality. I hate this era.

AceOfFlames posted:

I think we are all doomed, nothing can be fixed and we are all just waiting for the end and I just want to make the most of my time here

Maybe I'm just scared of the fact that what I thought was "basic human decency" is getting more and more lumped in with the "radical left" by so many people. I am not radical anything, it's the rest of the world that is becoming radical!

I don't know if I am a dying breed, if the majority of the world are psychopaths or if I am the one being crazy. don't ask "what does your heart tell you", my heart knows NOTHING. gently caress my heart. Emotions only lead you to being wrong and accountability.

Zizek, the philosopher and psychoanalyst in that meme would say that you implying you are outside of ideology, and interacting with the "real" world in a logical, sober way, is the height of, or "pure" ideology.

You're expressing frustration with the ideology of others, which is fine, and probably justified, but you should not lose sight of the fact that you are doing so to serve your own.

Preen Dog
Nov 8, 2017

It is nice to think there is a floor to ideology, where beliefs meet physical reality, and that this floor is the root of real progress.

Beliefs inform choices, choices have consequences, and those consequences refine the beliefs. In this naive way, people should just get smarter forever.

It just takes a generation to meaningfully complete even one of those loops. Then the following generation promptly forgets the lessons of the previous because the lessons cannot be taught, only experienced. We personally did not experience, for example, Nazi Germany, so are doomed to recreate it. Deliberately making a mistake to learn a lesson that we already knew, but couldn't understand prior.

And the most successful people and groups become the most comfortable. So comfortable they can insulate themselves from reality and believe whatever pleasing nonsense shall precipitate their fall.

It goes around and around. But does the merry-go-round move, itself? It must, because we're not all dead like those dumb ceolocanths.

My new favorite delusion is that the problem is itself the solution. The gun is the armor and the poison is the cure. They are really the same thing from the perspective of someone externally watching the merry-go-round.

The tragedy of the week can't be prevented, but maybe we can nudge the merry-go-round. I don't know what that means.

Preen Dog has issued a correction as of 23:04 on Dec 22, 2022

StashAugustine
Mar 24, 2013

Do not trust in hope- it will betray you! Only faith and hatred sustain.

quote:

Hegel remarks somewhere that all great world-historic facts and personages appear, so to speak, twice. He forgot to add: the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce... Men make their own history, but they do not make it as they please; they do not make it under self-selected circumstances, but under circumstances existing already, given and transmitted from the past. The tradition of all dead generations weighs like a nightmare on the brains of the living.

thotsky
Jun 7, 2005

hot to trot

Preen Dog posted:

It is nice to think there is a floor to ideology, where beliefs meet physical reality, and that this floor is the root of real progress.

I don't think so. One is always within ideology. It's an essential part of how we perceive and interact with the world, and I don't really think we could function without it, or in any case how that might be achieved.

The idea of being able to observe the world from outside of our inherent ideological point of view is a fanciful one, but the idea that this is actually possible, or worse, has already been achieved, is almost always the dominant ideology asserting itself fully, removing any possibility of doubt in the subject. I would suggest that being more aware of ideology, and doing the work needed to adopt a less destructive one, would be the path to real meaningful change.

thotsky has issued a correction as of 03:52 on Dec 23, 2022

AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012

I guess something I just cannot break free of is the childish notion that I cannot be "wrong". That being wrong means i am "failing". And thus when it comes to matters of opinion, there are more people than not telling me that I am wrong so i stick with things people agree with. All of which are rapidly shrinking due to the fragmentation of people's perceived reality. The notion of "fighting for what i believe in" just fills me with fear. Because if i do, what makes me different than those fuckers fighting for fascism or whatever? What i "feel"? How do I know if my feelings won't lead me astray?

Tungsten
Aug 10, 2004

Your Working Boy

AceOfFlames posted:

I guess something I just cannot break free of is the childish notion that I cannot be "wrong". That being wrong means i am "failing". And thus when it comes to matters of opinion, there are more people than not telling me that I am wrong so i stick with things people agree with. All of which are rapidly shrinking due to the fragmentation of people's perceived reality. The notion of "fighting for what i believe in" just fills me with fear. Because if i do, what makes me different than those fuckers fighting for fascism or whatever? What i "feel"? How do I know if my feelings won't lead me astray?

here's how it would be framed in acceptance and commitment therapy:

humans are blessed / cursed with a historically novel anatomical structure, the neocortex, and historically novel set of behaviors called "language" which includes all forms of verbal communication, as well as the verbal part of cognition. humans doing language are less cognizant of their environments and their senses than they would be otherwise. lots of people these days spend most of their time dissociated from physical space, living as close to a purely verbal existence as they can. this can easily manifest as rumination in the moments when you're not plugged into social media

values and ideologies are verbal phenomena. values are where the dissociative, self-referential, otherworldly aspects of language can be of use to you. "a better world" in whatever form you choose to express it is a verbal construct, and if you believe in it strongly enough, you'll be willing to drag yourself through hell for it. you can't control what you value, as far as i can tell they're formed in feedback with your environment during childhood. in a way, the circumstances of your birth and the internal value-system you develop are your fate, and fate doesn't care if you curse it or love it. what even is "astray"? everyone suffers and dies.

of course, the same environmental feedback with your values continues during adulthood, it's just slower and is usually ignored as the soft buzzing of cognitive dissonance, and a steady diet of ideology can keep it from really growing into anything. even wracked with anxiety you're probably better company than the average fascist because they are perpetually drunk on language in the worst way, it stokes awful, antisocial emotions and keeps its followers in them all day - fascism values domination and cruelty (and people in the media work hard to normalize that view)

in terms of arguing with people, idk that's not something i do much of lately. it sucks when it happens all the time.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Trauts
May 1, 2010

AceOfFlames posted:

I guess something I just cannot break free of is the childish notion that I cannot be "wrong". That being wrong means i am "failing". And thus when it comes to matters of opinion, there are more people than not telling me that I am wrong so i stick with things people agree with. All of which are rapidly shrinking due to the fragmentation of people's perceived reality. The notion of "fighting for what i believe in" just fills me with fear. Because if i do, what makes me different than those fuckers fighting for fascism or whatever? What i "feel"? How do I know if my feelings won't lead me astray?

You're missing the forest for the trees imo. Go outside, do something physical til exertion, and maybe don't give so much of a poo poo about things you can't control. You aren't going to solve the world's problems, and the idea of blowing up relationships over opinions seems to me like the absolute opposite of mental health. So what if somebody has the wrong politics? They're still a person, and you're both still very objectively incapable of changing whatever you're arguing about, so maybe just avoid that and focus on being a person who people want to be around instead.

Tungsten
Aug 10, 2004

Your Working Boy

Trauts posted:

You're missing the forest for the trees imo. Go outside, do something physical til exertion, and maybe don't give so much of a poo poo about things you can't control. You aren't going to solve the world's problems, and the idea of blowing up relationships over opinions seems to me like the absolute opposite of mental health. So what if somebody has the wrong politics? They're still a person, and you're both still very objectively incapable of changing whatever you're arguing about, so maybe just avoid that and focus on being a person who people want to be around instead.

yes exactly, the poo poo i was typing would have ended up here in like 5000 more words

Unless
Jul 24, 2005

I art



just wanna check in and remind folks that the USA’s crisis numbers have all been merged into the “9-8-8” system, which if it’s too much, just text ‘HOME’ to 741741 for the crisis SMS textline

Yossarian-22
Oct 26, 2014

Hi all, I got COVID two weeks ago and I'm still testing positive. I have brain fog and I'm worried that I got permanent brain damage

Any resources or suggestions for treating this are welcome. I know that the last thing I want to be doing is doomscrolling on my phone looking up symptoms/solutions, speculating endlessly about my condition, etc.

I'm also trying not to resent my gf for giving me the drat virus :(

Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

yeah thats pretty good


Yossarian-22 posted:

Hi all, I got COVID two weeks ago and I'm still testing positive. I have brain fog and I'm worried that I got permanent brain damage

Any resources or suggestions for treating this are welcome. I know that the last thing I want to be doing is doomscrolling on my phone looking up symptoms/solutions, speculating endlessly about my condition, etc.

I'm also trying not to resent my gf for giving me the drat virus :(

I'm hoping you're asking in the COVID thread as well. The biggest suggestion is to rest, a lot. Like way more than you think. The absolute worst thing we've been able to find for what to do after getting COVID is Graduated Exercise Therapy, which as like a 70%(!!!) rate of complication, and it can only be safe to treat all exercise post-COVID as a threat vector.

At this point other than resting and taking care of yourself there isn't a lot to suggest, AFAIK pax doesn't do anything at the two week mark. Make sure you're checking your vitals (temperature, O2 saturation at the least, if you can check pulse and blood pressure do those too). Figure out how to make sure you're sleeping comfortably. Standard poo poo.

Aside from that I mean, just try to treat this as a lesson learned to try and not get it again going forward. This poo poo sucks and taking 10s to put on a mask before leaving the house is definitely worth it. I found that knowing a lot helped me manage anxiety around it, since knowing the boundaries of my nexus of control is a loooot better than having to guess where those boundaries might be.

And I dunno, play Pentiment and Perfect Tides or something. Or read some old books you've been meaning to. Turns out Pride & Prejudice is on wikisource and it's pretty darn good.

Jorge Bell
Aug 2, 2006
There are a lot of good TV shows to hole up with. Here are some, based on personal watches and recommendations off the top of my head:

The Wire
White Lotus
Andor
30 Rock
Ricky Morty
Westworld Season One Just Season One

Those should keep you in a TV coma for a bit. If you need extra time in bed and are willing to put up with bad television, I prescribe all 15 seasons of the very stupid show Supernatural.


**MERRY CHRISTMAS, CRAZIES**

StashAugustine
Mar 24, 2013

Do not trust in hope- it will betray you! Only faith and hatred sustain.

Comfort, comfort, now my people
Live in peace, so says our God
Comfort those who live in darkness,
Mourning under sorrow's load
To God's people now proclaim
That God's pardon waits for them
Tell them that their war is over
God shall reign in peace forever


merry Christmas goons, hope the new year brings better things for us all

Witeldram
Feb 22, 2022

I hope everyone has been having a wonderful holiday season.

Mine's been alright so far. My family situation isn't the best but it still feels nice to be at home and away from work.

I've been reflecting a lot lately on my resolutions next year and I'm hoping to get back into my hobbies for 2023. I stopped gardening after moving to the city but I'm thinking of at least purchasing a few houseplants or getting an Aerogarden since they were really helpful for helping manage my anxieties and depression last year. I'm also hoping to be more social more. I talked to some old friends over the weekend and it made me realize how much I missed them.

cash crab
Apr 5, 2015

all the time i am eating from the trashcan. the name of this trashcan is ideology


Jorge Bell posted:

There are a lot of good TV shows to hole up with. Here are some, based on personal watches and recommendations off the top of my head:

The Wire
White Lotus
Andor
30 Rock
Ricky Morty
Westworld Season One Just Season One

Those should keep you in a TV coma for a bit. If you need extra time in bed and are willing to put up with bad television, I prescribe all 15 seasons of the very stupid show Supernatural.


**MERRY CHRISTMAS, CRAZIES**

idk about anyone else but when i start feeling really low for a while nothing makes me wanna live more than just starting a stupid TV and snacks routine until i have the energy to get out of my funk. nothing wrong with it. supernatural is very stupid and a great suggestion. i'm also a Bad Eater so trying add more snacks is always good for me. i like the Good Place, i find it very affirming and uplifting personally.

Witeldram
Feb 22, 2022

cash crab posted:

idk about anyone else but when i start feeling really low for a while nothing makes me wanna live more than just starting a stupid TV and snacks routine until i have the energy to get out of my funk. nothing wrong with it. supernatural is very stupid and a great suggestion. i'm also a Bad Eater so trying add more snacks is always good for me. i like the Good Place, i find it very affirming and uplifting personally.

I love The Good Place a lot. I started watching it in early 2019 when I was going through my first big battle with depression and it helped me out a lot. It's probably my favorite TV show of all time.

I haven't watched too many shows this year. But one of my friends recommended me Frasier and I watch a couple episodes each night whenever I have time. It's a very good comfort show.

Ronwayne
Nov 20, 2007

That warm and fuzzy feeling.
:psyduck:

Mom is ranting about george soros. She did know of this guy's existence until fox news told her to be mad about him. I can literally see her mind turning into mush from a one-two punch of onsetting dementia and fox news.

Given the extreme longevity of women in this family she will quite likely be alive into her 90s, 20 to 25 years from now, in an increased state of derangement and shittiness but never quite dying. Fox News has primed her old white, leaded gasoline flooded brain with the right memes and phrases to turn her from a generic cranky old woman into a highly specific white supremacist, marching in perfect step with all the millions of others.

Uganda Loves Me
May 24, 2002


The next big thing in mental health is oversharing in Steam reviews.

Uganda Loves Me
May 24, 2002


:ironicat:

Guess I'll stick to oversharing on internet forums for now. I had a weird and hosed up experience recently. I obviously screwed up. A few years back, I effectively allowed someone to take over my life. I blamed myself for quite a bit of how it went, and how it ended. I still do. I know my own actions allowed it to happen. I did my best to move on afterward, but that experience is still in the back of my head when I deal with people. I suspect that person was a covert narcissist, and I was the supply. They had a way of twisting things around to be my fault. When I finally started setting some minimal boundaries, they cut me out of their life. Just as they had threatened to do, if I didn't meet their constantly increasing demands. That was painful, but definitely for the best. I blocked them, then deleted their number.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I run an online support group. I'm just a volunteer, with essentially no support from the organization (NAMI). That doesn't excuse me being lax with running things, but god drat it can be hard. We have multiple support groups in the area, and people bounce between them. That's cool. I want everyone to find the best fit for everyone. However, that meant I didn't think anything of allowing someone into the group when I was texted out of the blue during a meeting. Someone texted me, I let them in, and I realized they were the person who I had allowed to take over my life years ago. I'm supposed to vet people, and I always talk to someone before group if I have time. I didn't want to turn someone away, though. I know people's interest in a support group tends to be fleeting, and if they don't have a welcoming experience, they're very likely to leave. Most of the people who contact me out of the blue like that have been referred to me by others at the organization. Which isn't the same as vetting someone, I know.

This person only attended a couple sessions. I genuinely tried my best to make them feel welcome. I went through a whole range of emotions and stages of acceptance. Not saying I actually achieved acceptance. I felt barely functional around them. I usually try to be open to everyone, and maintain a good atmosphere. People tell me I'm good at what I do, but I don't think I was capable of doing well enough in that state. I had decided to not try to get rid of this person. I didn't want to be around them. I was concerned about the way it affected me, and I was concerned that they would latch onto someone else in the group and completely drain them. I figured that being unwelcoming was tantamount to kicking them out, so I tried to be kind and respectful. I believe I was. They stopped attending. Someone told me that they might have gotten a new job, and now they couldn't make it. I don't know.

I didn't vet them, and that's on me. Honestly, if I had interviewed them ahead of time, I don't know what I would have done. I genuinely think they would have been detrimental to the group, but I don't know if that's good enough to turn someone away. They told me about the way they had treated to other people, including cutting out a "best friend" via cruelly-worded letters to him and his girlfriend at the time. They then came back, and rekindled that friendship as if nothing had happened. Anyone I talked to who wasn't a close friend or peer seemed to think this was just a personal disagreement, and I could just wait till they broke a rule to kick them out. They wouldn't have overtly broken the rules, though. There's no one in this local chapter to turn to for real advice or practical support. I've posted quite a bit about that. I have friends I can talk to about these kind of things. The validation is helpful, but it's not the same thing as having real support from an organization.

I guess the problem is over? I don't think this person is coming back, but the invitation is still open and I don't think it's ethical to retract it. Holy poo poo did it feel bad to add them back into my contacts. Apparently my block list disappeared in a transition between phones and contacts programs.

I can try looking for a good therapist again. I put quite a bit of effort into that before, but none of the ones I researched actually contacted me back. My insurance and location really narrow my list of choices. I let them recommend a rando therapist, who I fired after a couple sessions. I can't have another lovely therapist. This place is conservative, ripe with bigots, and I know it would be better if I just got out of here. That would mean leaving my support system behind, but it's probably a step I need to take anyway. I know I can still talk to them, and I can find new support. I can even continue running the current support group, as it's over zoom. I'm waiting to hear back about a "scholarship" I applied for to get training to be a real, certified peer support specialist. The powers-that-be in this area have cut funding, frozen hiring, and outright abandoned the one non-profit that offered the training in this area.

tl;dr:
This is a lot of dumb bullshit, and I don't feel great, but I think I'm handling it better than I would have in the past. I'm looking into grad school. MFT or MSW. I like school, I think I'd run into like-minded people, and I could get out of here with something that might lead to a real career elsewhere. I was very tempted to cancel support group meetings, and I even thought about ending the group altogether. I got through it, though.

Cuttlefush
Jan 15, 2014

gotta have my purp

Uganda Loves Me posted:

I don't think it's ethical to retract it

i do. you should retract it and keep this person way the gently caress away. best time to vet them was before they had come to the thing, second best time is right now etc etc

idk what your responsibilities are or if you have to/should check in with anyone above you, but yeah. i hear alarms ringing and i think you probably do too. heed 'em

Uganda Loves Me
May 24, 2002


Thank you. I think it's over, but I dunno. I sent them a few weekly reminder emails, but removed them from the list already. I talked to the president of our chapter, who essentially said I should wait till they break a rule. A person like that doesn't operate this way, though. They're not disruptive. They isolate people and go from there. I want to just put them back on my block list. I might just do that.

My gut was absolutely telling me to say "gently caress off." I tried to draft an "assertive" message to them, but nothing short of :fuckoff: seemed to convey what was happening. People recommended "I" statements, which I had in fact used years ago. I talked to my lovely therapist at the time, and I was "assertive" according to the worksheet she gave me. After that person chewed me up and spit me out, I talked to the therapist in the aftermath, who asked "what could have you done differently?" After we had worked on a course of action together lmao. I genuinely believe there's no way to reason with someone like that. We lived in entirely separate realities. The usual "assertiveness" techniques I've been taught seem to water down the message, and change the subject from what's currently happening to my feelings on the subject.

This NAMI chapter is hosed. We peers do our best to support each other, but there isn't anyone backing us up. I was actively mistreated by the board on a number of occasions. I quit the board when this very thread talked some sense into me. We're maybe a dozen active people trying to serve an area of half a million. Any changes to the power structure would probably just mean the end of the chapter. The people doing the actual work mange to provide great services, and I really enjoy my support group. I could run the group without the organization, but I'd miss out on having people referred to the group.

Trauts
May 1, 2010

Cuttlefush posted:

i do. you should retract it and keep this person way the gently caress away. best time to vet them was before they had come to the thing, second best time is right now etc etc

idk what your responsibilities are or if you have to/should check in with anyone above you, but yeah. i hear alarms ringing and i think you probably do too. heed 'em

Yeah, extinguish any possibility of that particular person popping back into your life. Hell it probably is worth letting other people know what's the deal with that person so they don't find themselves being taken advantage of as well. Prioritize yourself

Uganda Loves Me
May 24, 2002


I went ahead and blocked their phone number and email address.

Ronwayne
Nov 20, 2007

That warm and fuzzy feeling.
:toot: :hellyeah:

Sometimes it can feel like we're mice trying to navigate a china shop being overrun by the rear end in a top hat bulls of the world.

StashAugustine
Mar 24, 2013

Do not trust in hope- it will betray you! Only faith and hatred sustain.

had a work schedule change which was good but meant i had to swap therapists. first full meeting went fine- we'd had a brief conversation before- but i had a massive anxiety attack the night before, not really related to that in particular but i'm pretty sure prompted by that. that's the second major attack in a few months. then i had a pretty good day, had a friend over to play card games after work which was nice, but on the way back home my car alternator died and im gonna have to have it towed lol

AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012

It seems every time I finally start feeling better something creeps up to remind me of societal collapse. Besides the obvious news which I already try to limit it, it comes up in entertainment, reporting of entertainment, basically any and everything I still like. At this rate it seems the only way to not be depressed is to not talk to anyone and have no hobbies besides eating. And my therapist simply thinks I a, being an alarmist since "Back in my day we all thought the world was going to end too". Sigh.

Uganda Loves Me
May 24, 2002


I've been hypomanic, probably triggered from the stress of that narcissist showing back up in my life. It's been coming to a head because of issues I've been having with another close "friend." They showed absolutely zero empathy when I discussed that person's return, and made weird strawmen implying that I was only out to hurt people. I thought my response over, and ended up just cutting them out entirely. They used the exact same rhetoric as that narcissist from years ago. Criticizing my "expectations" of a friendship, while claiming to have none themselves. Then talking about how the issue is that I don't want to be a friend, because I expressed my thoughts and feelings in an attempt to salvage whatever was left. It's all happening the same way it happened last time. Except for the part where I stood my ground, and didn't let another narcissist set the narrative :getin:

EDIT: I'm fairly certain that the rhetoric is the same because the two befriended each other. This feels like getting resolution from both of those relationships.

Uganda Loves Me has issued a correction as of 02:34 on Jan 5, 2023

StashAugustine
Mar 24, 2013

Do not trust in hope- it will betray you! Only faith and hatred sustain.

is feeling tired and bleak after eating dinner a dietary problem or a brain problem

Uganda Loves Me
May 24, 2002


Depends on the dish. If it was revenge, you probably overcooked it.

Side dishes matter, too. I find benzos compliment everything.

StashAugustine
Mar 24, 2013

Do not trust in hope- it will betray you! Only faith and hatred sustain.

it mighta just been a ton of carbs making me tired. i did put on O Brother Where Art Thou and that more or less fixed the issue

Uganda Loves Me
May 24, 2002


I tried .5mg of Ativan last night. First time using a benzo. I've tried more mild anti-anxiety meds, and I've been very hesitant to use a benzo. It chilled out my hypomanic brain, and I actually got a good night sleep for the first time in a while. I've been sleeping maybe 1-2 hours a night. Still feel fairly chill today, too.

I had a panic attack trying to run the support group a couple days ago. I talked about my experiences with narcissistic people. I had the Ativan on hand, but didn't use it at that point. I've been racking my brain, and I think I can pinpoint the exact time I stopped being a viable supply during my most recent experience. This person told me that we had the same relationship as me and my sister, then tried to emulate the same (good-natured) teasing banter that I have with my sister. :wtf: They did this in front of a bunch of people, and I just responded with an incredulous stare.

Still working on identifying narcissistic issues early on. In the future, when someone tells me that they were diagnosed with "narcissistic tendencies", I won't respond by trying to reassure them. Christ.

thehandtruck
Mar 5, 2006

the thing about the jews is,

Uganda Loves Me posted:

I tried .5mg of Ativan last night. First time using a benzo. I've tried more mild anti-anxiety meds, and I've been very hesitant to use a benzo. It chilled out my hypomanic brain, and I actually got a good night sleep for the first time in a while. I've been sleeping maybe 1-2 hours a night. Still feel fairly chill today, too.

I had a panic attack trying to run the support group a couple days ago. I talked about my experiences with narcissistic people. I had the Ativan on hand, but didn't use it at that point. I've been racking my brain, and I think I can pinpoint the exact time I stopped being a viable supply during my most recent experience. This person told me that we had the same relationship as me and my sister, then tried to emulate the same (good-natured) teasing banter that I have with my sister. :wtf: They did this in front of a bunch of people, and I just responded with an incredulous stare.

Still working on identifying narcissistic issues early on. In the future, when someone tells me that they were diagnosed with "narcissistic tendencies", I won't respond by trying to reassure them. Christ.

drat 1-2 is rough. glad something's helping. thats cool ur figuring this stuff out about yourself. getting to the insight about our behaviors is the hard part since denial is where we store a lot of our defense mechanisms. after that we notice the behaviors more often and then changing them gets easier too.

Ronwayne
Nov 20, 2007

That warm and fuzzy feeling.
A weighted blanket helped me immensely with sleeping. It does give me weirdly intense dreams, not nightmares per se but vivid to the point of sensory overload. Had the same problem with melatonin but worse. Blanket is still worth it.

Tosca Cake
Oct 30, 2011
I'm just tired, yaknow?

falling into the same patterns of facing challanges -> failing to tackle said challanges -> give up on doing anything about it -> act surprised when the consequences of my (in)actions bites me in the rear end.

I just want to be happy, to have a (well-paying) job, to have people around me who loves me. (Or at least learn to love myself)
Kinda tired of being an emotionally stunted man-child who understands what the meaning of adulthood means, but can't seem to focus and work himself towards it.

Yeah I got :thesperg: and probably something else, but I'd like to be worth something more to myself and others then being put to sort crayons until I'm forced into poverty by a society that doesn't care.

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Ronwayne
Nov 20, 2007

That warm and fuzzy feeling.
I just gave up on the crayon sorting and embraced poverty. Or at least, embraced the fact I ain't going to rise out of it and curb my expectations and learn how to live in my car.


...is there a thread on how to live and get resources when you have zero official income? Not just places to ask for money I mean "this is how you insulate the vehicle you are sleeping in" "This is where to find electrical outlets that are not locked shut" "This is how to make sure the pizza you found in the dumpster won't kill you when you get desperate enough to put it in your mouth". I realize it'd be hard to do because homelessness and what one has to do to continue living is defacto illegal. A criminal conspiracy to continue existing.

Last visit the therapist told me my ideal occupation is probably substinance farmer or something along those lines of "seek out the minimum to keep you alive and sheltered and not dead or incarcerated"

Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 01:49 on Jan 9, 2023

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