Biplane posted:

Easily solvable by denying white men religion.

quote:

Me (34f) and my husband, Harry got married last month. His sister, Sally (25f) had moved in with us in Feb-22. I was not comfortable with the arrangement as I am someone who really needs personal space. I had been living alone for a long time before I moved in with Harry in Jan-22.

He said he cannot ask Sally to leave as she is young, new in job and has had issues with roommates before. Also he is ‘responsible’ for her as their parents live in another city. And she is too young to live by herself in a big city (she is earning though).

We agreed to give this 6 months. In Aug-22 he said let’s get married first and do this, otherwise there will be a lot of family drama and you will be seen in the bad light. I agreed.

Now we are married and he has still not spoken to her or the family about Sally moving out. He told me that this will take more time. I do not see a reason to delay or a concrete plan around this. Sally had (vaguely) indicated him she wants to start a business at some point in time which would take her to another city. He is hoping this might happen and the problem will solve itself. Meanwhile he has blamed me for not being ‘supportive to family’.

Meanwhile, Sally doesn’t seem very grateful for this. According to Harry, Sally knows I am not comfortable with this arrangement. She comes across as a spoilt child who always gets her way through tantrums.

I feel like I was taken for a ride. Manipulated. While I care for Sally, I need my personal boundaries to be respected. I need my me time. I need our couple time to develop a good foundation to our marriage. These are important and no one seems to care.

As last stop, 1 month after our marriage I told Harry I will move out. I can’t fathom any other way out. It’s just been 1 month of us as married couple and I am already bailing out on our first disagreement.

Am I am rear end in a top hat here ?

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Yes, we can all trust a white male atheist to behave well around women.

PiratePrentice posted:

It depends where you live, I'm sure in major/wealthy cities it's the standard but in the rest of the world we kinda have to make do with what we've got since new things don't really get built that often.

Drunk Nerds posted:

How did this weenie even land a girl so far out of his wheelhouse?

"Oh I like domesticated women. But this wild stallion refuses to be tamed. How can I tame her??"

Just wtf

quote:

For context, this year was the first time we would try the "elf on the shelf" with our kids. We have 3 kids, Lucas (9M), Andy (8M), and Claire (5F). Where Lucas and Andy are from our past relationships. However, Miles (my husband M37) has accepted Andy as his, and so did I (F35) Lucas.

Every Christmas is special for Andy, his bd is on Dec/24. His dad started a tradition where Santa would've consideration with him for being a "kid of Christmas". So he feels magical and special. I always try to give him that. Last year, i left "Santa Claus" footsteps, ate a carrot and "grass" he left for Rudolf. Stuff like that.

My husband doesn't think it's a good idea i do all that for him, and I'm showing favoritism. So, we should shut it down, because of my ex's decision to create a tradition without considering my other kid's feelings. I disagree since i do consider the 3 of them. But he asked if we could so smth else, like the Elf on the shelf. I had no problem with it, but I didn't know how that works. He explained me quickly, and since he was the one who offered, i let him do it.

We bought the cute Elf. My kids named it "Bob". Later my husband explained them they should behave, and never touch/hold Bob if they don't want it to be naughty. At first, it was cute to see them spy on Bob, try to see it "fly" each night. Andy was the most excited of all, i found him one night talking with it, asking it if Santa still remembered him.

But my husband took seriously the "Behave or Bob would be naughty" part. Lucas was his first victim after he didn't do his chores. The next day, his face was drawn with sharpie markers. Then Claire, who touched Bob and her fave onesie was destroyed. Apparently, Bob had cut some pieces of it, while she was sleeping. Miles was having fun, but i could see my kids weren't. I talked to him about how we should lower the pranks, he agreed but wanted to catch Andy since he hadn't break any rules. I told him that Bob's supposed to tell Santa instead of being naughty. We argued but he finally agreed.

Fast forward, it's Christmas Eve and in the afternoon we had some of Andy's friends to celebrate his bd. So the kids were playing in backyard. But my husband looked sus. I decided to look for Bob. It was supposed to be in the kitchen but it wasn't there, I asked Miles where it was and he told me "no idea". I started getting paranoid, but Andy asked me if we could cut the cake already. I put my best face on and went for it. The cake was in a box, and when Andy opened the box. He starts crying. I take a look and it's ruined. "Bob" was covered in all of it, appearing he had been eating the cake. Half of the cake wasn't there anymore. Miles starts laughing and so did some of the other parents.

My blood is boiling and i grab Bob and throw it in the trash, Then i grabbed Miles. We have a terrible argument, calls me an AH for what i did to Bob, that I've ruined it, how are we supposed to keep the "magic" with our kids if i wasn't supposed to touch Bob.

quote:

My brother (23) and I (22f) have raised our younger siblings together for the past few years (both our parents have died).

The kids’ teachers know our situation and are generally pretty good about it. Though we still get some comments at parents’ evenings and correspondence from school is often sent to “Mr and Mrs (our surname)”. We are used to it and it’s usually no big deal, sometimes pretty funny.

What I did NOT find funny was my 14yr old coming home from school saying he had a substitute teacher (the teacher works at the same school full time but doesn’t normally take any of our brother’s classes) and as they took the register and saw his surname, the teacher said,

“Another Flowers in the Attic kid! How many more of you are there?!”

Some of the kids laughed, most apparently didn’t really get it, and our brother was embarrassed but also didn’t get the reference. A bunch of the kids googled it in their next break and were laughing about it later on in the day.

(This teacher has taught our 16yr old previously (for a year) so we had met them multiple times at parents’ night. She has since told me they made comments to her too.)

When my brother came home and told me what happened, and asked me what Flowers in the Attic is, I was really pissed off. We have had several similar comments before and I don’t find them funny, but it’s next level out of order IMO to say something like that to a young teenager. Let alone in front of classmates.

I complained to the school about it the next day. I went in a little strong but I was PISSED. I met with the principal and another senior staff member (waited over an hour for them to be free). I told them at the very least I don’t want any of the kids being taught by that teacher ever again. I think it will be dealt with after Christmas break, as this was right at the end of their last week. I got the impression they will likely be fired. My older brother followed up with an email to back me up and create a record of it.

We saw some friends yesterday and told them about the incident. They were horrified but not at the teacher, at ME for complaining about it. They said it was a joke and I may have just cost someone their job. They think I overreacted and that it was pretty funny. They said of course people will make FitA comments because my brother and I are close and affectionate. I don’t feel that I should need to say that it would never be anything like that, but to be crystal clear, there is nothing remotely sexual about our relationship.

Our 14yr old has been pretty embarrassed about it ever since. For the first time ever he asked me not to hug or kiss him when I dropped him off to meet his friends. He’s worried about kids bullying him when he goes back to school.

Halloween Jack posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yxV9mGM9vQ

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for throwing away the elf on the shelf and "ruining Christmas" for my kids after my husband's prank?

quote:

AITA for potentially getting a teacher fired over a joke?
We saw some friends yesterday and told them about the incident. They were horrified but not at the teacher, at ME for complaining about it. They said it was a joke and I may have just cost someone their job. They think I overreacted and that it was pretty funny.

Sydney Bottocks posted:

I just wanted to thank you for posting this as it's a really great (and underrated, IMO) song

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for potentially getting a teacher fired over a joke?

Foo Diddley posted:

these folks are going to be astonished when she vanishes forever the day after she graduates while they're on vacation

mind the walrus posted:

Then he's either careless or naïve, because "I don't care what you think" isn't the same thing as "so I'm going to do things that have a high likelihood of pissing your vain rear end off."

The kids are still legally involved with her. Provocation might work out in the long run but it's still a gamble for everyone involved.

PiratePrentice posted:

Yeah uh somehow I think nobody would have a problem with it if it was a muslim woman asking to have a female HR rep present. As hard as it is to come to terms with, sometimes religious rights have to go to the religion you don't like as well as the ones you do lol

Electric Wrigglies posted:

I'm not sure what is so hard about honoring a request from a report to have someone else in an isolated interview/feedback session. There is no need to spend time thinking about whether this (Muslim lady asking for another lady/white gent asking for a mate/ foreign language national requesting a translator / union member asking for a shop steward) is trying to gently caress with you as the manager. Just organize someone agreeable within reason to the report and get on with life. Normalising a worker having an advocate in a private meeting with a boss is a good thing.

Agents are GO! posted:

What if I don't like any of them?

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for throwing away the elf on the shelf and "ruining Christmas" for my kids after my husband's prank?

quote:

Be Civil. Diagnosing OP's husband as a psychopath/sociopath/any other path is uncivil. Calling him manchild/man baby/any other insult is uncivil.

Silly Newbie posted:

I'm gonna go against the thread on weirdo conservative Christian guy bait post - no one, in a professional setting, should be forced to be in one on one meetings where they feel uncomfortable or contravenes their beliefs. Hold the one on one over teams and record it giving both sides a copy if you want. It's probably incel bait, but the overall principal of human dignity should stand - don't make people do things that cause them psychic damage because of work.

Halloween Jack posted:

"Psychic damage?" Grow the gently caress up

Pirate Radar posted:

What do you mean by this

Pope Corky the IX posted:

PiratePrentice posted:

Nobody really feels any cognitive dissonance on defending one religion's practicioners but attacking another's for asking literally the exact same accomodations?

Really?

Shartin Mad posted:

workers should be allowed accommodations when meeting with superiors, that's a pretty basic thing. You can think he's a weird little dude for being all 'yea what if people think you wanna gently caress me if we have a one on one meeting????' about it but even idiots and weirdos deserve fairly simple accommodations in the workplace.

Woozie66 posted:

Then you should never be in a position of power.

Nancy posted:

You have to like a religion to be in a position of power?

Horror_Business posted:

Even if it's MRA bait-and-switch bullshit as some goons are suggesting, I'm with you. Either accommodate everyone reasonably or don't accommodate anyone. People picking and choosing which religion/gender combos are more acceptable to tolerate are exactly why anti-discrimination laws exist.

Pirate Radar posted:

Don’t know this one, sorry.

champagne posting posted:

apropos, a commenter on the post on reddit pointed out that this would make it problematic if the OP ever became anyone's manager. Except of course he could then give them and himself whatever accommodations needed.

Shartin Mad posted:

I mean...you have to at least respect fairly simple accommodations and requirements for them if you're managing others that may include people in those communities, yes?

Nancy posted:

Sure, but I think you can not like religions and still do that.

champagne posting posted:

apropos, a commenter on the post on reddit pointed out that this would make it problematic if the OP ever became anyone's manager. Except of course he could then give them and himself whatever accommodations needed.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

It's a scene from the movie Scanners, the guy on the left is giving the guy on the right one hell of a headache with his mind. Don't look up what happens next if you're squeamish.

Shartin Mad posted:

Yea I guess but it does feel like the guy making a point to answer 'basic religious accommodation is kinda a universally accepted thing actually' with 'actually I don't like them' isn't going to be the most eager to engage in good faith and all. Like, yea no poo poo you don't have to 'like' them who gives a poo poo what you like or don't like in general in things like this? It's not about 'liking' them either way.

Pirate Radar posted:

Oh it’s the head explode scene! Yeah I know that, sorry.

What was the joke?

Horror_Business posted:

Valid. There's a point where things start to seem ridiculous (say, guy needs a guy present and lady needs a lady present for every meeting between the two) but a competent HR department should be able to figure it out.

PiratePrentice posted:

Yeah uh somehow I think nobody would have a problem with it if it was a muslim woman asking to have a female HR rep present. As hard as it is to come to terms with, sometimes religious rights have to go to the religion you don't like as well as the ones you do lol