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Jim starts a GoFundMe that claims to be raising money to treat "My kids' many health diseases". Dwight not only donates the full requested amount of the fund, but he also offers to fly in some of the best medical specialists from around the world to help Jim. He just needs one thing to start scheduling doctors, though - the names of the kids' various conditions. Jim smiles. "Oh, well the big one? Zamatta." Dwight asks what's zamatta. "Oh, not much. What's zamatta with you?" Jim mugs for the camera. He pockets the full amount of the GoFundMe and uses it to invest in NFTs.
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Dec 30, 2022 19:21
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| # ? May 30, 2024 13:12 |
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Jim gets super into Prankism-Buddhism and arranges an all office meeting (excluding Dwight, who is only allowed on speakerphone) with the theme of, "If you meet the Dwight on the road, kill him." Dwight is pretty heavily Christian and literal, and doesn't understand the meaning of the koan. He takes the bus, nervously, the rest of the week, scared of being on foot or in his sensible vehicle. He remain unharmed, and unenlightened. Jim nods at the camera. The student will learn eventually. This is part of the path.
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Dec 31, 2022 01:53
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jim secretly reposts pranks from earlier pages of the thread that others had originally posted, claiming the credit for himself. he intersperses them with original content to make it harder for this to be detected.
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Dec 31, 2022 09:29
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"Write the script for an episode of The Office where Jim torments Dwight with an AI, but takes things too far." --- INT. OFFICE - DAY Jim is sitting at his desk, typing away on his computer. Dwight approaches him, looking curious. DWIGHT Hey Jim, what are you working on? JIM Oh, just a little project I've been tinkering with. DWIGHT What kind of project? JIM It's an AI program that I built to help me torment you. DWIGHT (sarcastically) Oh great, just what I needed. Jim grins and turns his computer screen towards Dwight, revealing a chat window with an AI avatar of himself. JIM Meet "Jim-bot." He's going to help me pull some pranks on you. DWIGHT (skeptical) I'm not sure I like the sound of this. JIM Oh, come on Dwight. It'll be fun. Jim begins typing into the chat window, and the AI avatar responds with snarky comments and insults directed at Dwight. Dwight tries to brush it off, but it's clear that he's getting annoyed. JIM (laughing) Look at his face! He's getting so mad! As the torment continues, Jim becomes more and more immersed in the prank, not realizing that he's gone too far. Dwight's frustration turns to anger, and he finally loses his temper. DWIGHT That's it, Jim. I've had enough. This isn't funny anymore. JIM (realizing his mistake) Whoa, Dwight. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it this far. DWIGHT (calming down) Just be more careful next time, okay? JIM (sincerely) Yeah, definitely. I'll make sure to watch my pranks in the future. DWIGHT (nodding) Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some actual work to do. Dwight storms off, leaving Jim to shut down the AI program and reflect on his actions. The camera pans to a shot of Jim looking remorseful, before fading to black.
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Dec 31, 2022 09:53
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Jim funnels the profits from his Famous Original Jim's pizza franchise into various shell corporations and LLCs, shielding himseld from any and all tax burdons and personal liability lawsuits from the class action suit claiming his pizza intentionally alters his patron's gut biome, causing severe intestinal cramps and unpredictable bowel movements. Despite the completely unnecessary carcinogens and metal contaminants in the dough, the franchise explodes. Literally. The dough is extremely flammible for some reason. Dwight is dumbfounded each time he reads the news. He'll never understand why people keep giving Jim free press.
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Dec 31, 2022 15:52
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JIM (Insincerely) Yeah, definitely. I'll make sure to watch my pranks in the future.
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Dec 31, 2022 18:36
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The Butcher posted:DWIGHT This is basically the pure essence of every prank I’ve ever posted here, kudos.
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Dec 31, 2022 18:44
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A Fancy Hat posted:This is basically the pure essence of every prank I’ve ever posted here, kudos. (sarcastically) Oh great, just what I needed.
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Dec 31, 2022 18:58
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Jim sticks his tongue out at Dwight whenever Dwight isn't looking.
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Dec 31, 2022 19:27
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Jim comes into the office after-hours to lick Dwight's mouse and keyboard in the hopes of giving him "Jim Disease". Dwight however is very careful about hygiene and carefully sterilizes them every morning. Frustrated, Jim decides to lick every possible surface Dwight might touch. He can't possibly sterilize everything. It's still not working. Dwight remains in perfect health, likely due to a beet heavy diet, and a generally healthy lifestyle. But then the other office workers start getting sick with a mysterious ailment, and then it begins to spread, and spread. Dwight remains fine. Once the health authorities investigate, a new extra virulent strain of COVID is found, and the CDC investigators track down the source as the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company in the hopes of finding patient 0. Jim blames it on Meredith, who shrugs, and between wheezing breaths, says "yeah, probably".
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Dec 31, 2022 21:07
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Jim installs “Jimsai Buddy” on Dwight’s computer. Although it appears to be a harmless cartoon Jim dancing in the corner of Dwight’s screen, it’s actually just the front end of a sophisticated pranking AI. Dwight says, sarcastically, “Oh great, just what I needed.” Jim tells Dwight that his little Buddy will help play pranks, to which Dwight replies skeptically, “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.” Jimsai Buddy learns all of Dwight’s habits and constantly disrupts Dwight’s sales calls and work by popping up and insulting him. Jim becomes more and more immersed in the prank, laughing and saying “Look at his face! He’s getting so mad!” Dwight says “That’s it, Jim. I’ve had enough. This isn’t funny anymore.” Jim pretends to realize his mistake and apologizes, saying he didn’t mean to take it this far. He deletes the program from Dwight’s computer. Dwight calms down and asks that Jim just “be more careful next time, okay?” Jim says, insincerely, “Yeah, definitely. I’ll make sure to watch my pranks in the future.” While he’s saying this, Jimsai Buddy (which has reinstalled itself on Dwight’s computer) is making a jerk off motion and mugging the camera. Nodding, Dwight turns back to his computer, saying “Good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some actual work to do.” When Dwight sees the tiny Jim on his monitor again, he storms off to find Michael. The camera pans to a shot of Jim looking remorseful, before panning to Jimsai Buddy smirking and tapping the screen.
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Dec 31, 2022 22:44
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Before we begin, this is part three of what we are hoping will be a five part series. We’ve tried to make it so that each part can more or less stand alone, but if you’re starting here I’d like to encourage you to go back and listen to the previous two episodes to get some of the context and backstories that I think will help make sense of all of the moving parts, and there are a lot of them, folks. I’d also like to apologize for the delay. We really wanted to get this out to you in a timely fashion but, as you know, I am not a historian, and I don’t claim to be, so it’s been a struggle working with our research team here to dig not just into the commentaries and the books, but the real primary sources. There’s just so much content here, and so many perspectives to incorporate. People can and have spent whole careers on this stuff, and there’s some real third rails here in the historiography. Did Dwight deserve it, did Jim take it too far, and that’s even before you start getting into the wackier theories, was Pam the real prankster, did Mose actually exist or was he just Dwight with a beard, all kinds of “out there” stuff, some of it less credible than others. Was there even a documentary team at all, or was the whole office environment on a soundstage somewhere? Well folks, we’ll try to mention these diversions where they come up, but I will try to focus on just laying out the facts as I understand them. With that caveat, let’s begin with part three of: The War of Pranks. I know this is always difficult with our modern brains, with social media and remote work and all of that, but I want you to try, if you can, to really get into the head of what it would be like for somebody working in that office. You drive into work, 9:00 AM sharp, and on paper at least (a little joke, since from what we can tell paper was what they were selling), you are there for eight hours a day, every day, with cameras watching your every move. Wouldn’t you get just a little bit paranoid? Now imagine it’s fifteen years ago, and we’re not used to posting about our lives on Twitter or YouTube or what have you, that these cameras that were recording you were just strangers, and you just had to sit there, being watched, never knowing what the public will finally end up seeing. I think that’s the context you need to start making sense of the actions of Dwight. Now my Pennsylvania Dutch is a little rusty, but I’ve always heard it pronounced Dwight “Schrute”. Now I find this guy utterly fascinating. He’s this nobody, a beet farmer turned businessman, and he keeps up the beet farming throughout all of this, by the way, and it seems like every single day he falls victim to a prank. Again and again, he’s being convinced that his watch is a time travel device, or that his coworker is secretly a serial killer. Sometimes multiple pranks in one day. What do you think that does to a person, especially someone in this milieu where they are watched all day, every day? Don’t you think that would make you go a little… off your rocker? To revisit the analogy we’ve used throughout this series, if you pulled on this lion’s tail, how surprised would you be if it turned around and tried to take a big chunk out of you? And… this is worse, in a way, if it didn’t immediately bite you, if it just stood there, just looking at you… what do you do then? Would you think you made a lucky escape, or would you try to pull a little harder, just to see what you could get away with? Now I’ve alluded to Dwight before, but this is where he really enters the story in a big way. Now the legend goes, and the primary sources are a bit thin on this point, so it’s really the legend we have to go on, that Jim Halpert, and we went into him in depth in part one, offered his hand to Dwight, presumably as some form of atonement for the previous pranks. The relationship between these two has always been a bit hard to suss out. I’ve got a quote here that really encapsulates this tension, from Dwight himself. Quote: “Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy, so actually, Jim is my enemy.” Unquote. Kind of a fascinating mindset, don’t you think? But here Jim is, this guy who has loomed large in the story, whether he’s a hero or a villain depends on where you fall on the traditionalist-revisionist axis, and he looks like he want to call it quits, to let bygones be bygones. I mean it’s hard to say what Dwight was thinking at that moment, but if that’s the deal on offer, I’d be seriously tempted to take it. Wouldn’t you? Well, whatever the reason: he does. He reaches out to shake Jim’s hand. Well, we all know what happens next. A joy buzzer, some say just a standard one you’d get from the joke store, some pro-Dwight sources even suggest that it was altered to have extra juice, hooked up to a car battery, and if even some of that is true, it’s real nasty stuff, but in any event it’s definitely packing a punch. I got to see what most historians claim is the real buzzer itself, it’s in the Imperial War Museum in London, and it’s hard not to go “is that it?” It’s really about the size of a quarter or so. But whatever the voltage, Jim had cleverly sort of hidden the device in the palm of his hand as they move to shake. And it shocks Dwight, again and again.
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Dec 31, 2022 23:01
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmJudQW0GwM
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Jan 1, 2023 01:38
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Dwight tries to make a supercut of all the times Jim mugged at the camera but discovers that there's over three hundred and sixty hours of footage, including hundreds of hours where Jim appears to have broken into the camera crew's storage shed and turned on the camera just to stare into it.
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Jan 1, 2023 01:49
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Applewhite posted:Dwight tries to make a supercut of all the times Jim mugged at the camera but discovers that there's over three hundred and sixty hours of footage, including hundreds of hours where Jim appears to have broken into the camera crew's storage shed and turned on the camera just to stare into it. He does not pan the camera down at least, but he is clearly shirtless. One assumes the worst. After multiple incidents of this, a security guard is hired, but fired the same day. The videos keep appearing. The guard files a worker's complaint about unfair dismissal, and is revealed that one "Dwight Schrute", Company President, made the termination order due to "weird smell". On his next creepy self shot video, interviewing himself, Jim says "oh yeah, turns out it's super easy to spoof an email address, like nobody ever notices."
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Jan 1, 2023 02:09
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The Office just dropped on Netflix, but I'm not sure if I should watch it. It could never compare to what is in thread
Space Kablooey fucked around with this message at 01:32 on Jan 2, 2023 |
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Jan 2, 2023 01:26
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Jim's cosmic power is never awakened, which is pretty embarrassing.
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Jan 2, 2023 04:48
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"Okay, this is a long game prank," Jim smiles to the camera. "About 15 or so years ago, when Dwight was really into that Battlescar Galaga show or whatever, I commissioned some Japanese animation studio to make a bunch of cartoons of the property. Well, obviously, I lied to them that I held the rights, but that's not the point. I seeded a bunch of rumors and news about it to various news sites at the time. Created a subreddit that's been mostly abandoned. It's been almost 15 years and everyone has completely forgotten about it, but there's clues that it existed at some point going back years..." Jim looks around, and secretly pulls out a set of box of DVDs, papers, and animation cels from beneath his desk. "...I'm the sole owner of this entire thing. 72 episodes and 2 'ova', which I don't know what that is. Hell, I've not even watched it, myself. I don't even know what this is about. I'm thinking about tormenting Dwight with it for a while; posting some screen shots, some video clips, under an fake account. He's going to go nuts trying to track it down..." Jim watches Dwight over at the watercooler. "That's the great thing about this prank. I can geektease Dwight for months with this. The moment he starts to lose the slightest bit of interest and is ready to move on, I can upload another blurry clip on Youtube and get him all hyped up again. It'll be real, but I'll never allow him the satisfaction of knowing it actually, truly exists!"
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Jan 2, 2023 05:38
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Jim goes back in time to his childhood and prevents an embarrassing moment from happening.
Erasable Penis fucked around with this message at 20:09 on Oct 5, 2023 |
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Jan 3, 2023 00:32
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Jim eats so much strawberry jello that his shits become a jet of strawberry juice. "Something tells me Dwight's next pool party is gonna be a blast," says Jim, winking at the camera. It's January, Dwight's not going to have a pool party for another six months.
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Jan 3, 2023 00:53
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Jim gets the finalized divorce papers in the mail and starts feeling dejected thinking about the past year. Dwight's been winning a lot lately, and Charles has been showing up much too often for comfort. Dwight's charities raised more money than ever; his new beet-based petroleum jelly substitute revolutionized clean factories over the world, and now Dwight is even throwing his hat into the video editing ring? Jim sighs and leans back. Is he losing his edge? Finally, he hatches a plan. Jim uses one of his magic beans to travel back in time to before his parents ever met. He antagonizes a young Dwight and arranges for his car to crash into a truck full of urinal cakes. He then teaches his mild-mannered dad how to prank, and Jim's dad gains the confidence to prank Dwight at the Enchantment Under the Sea school dance. Jim returns to the present to discover that Pam suddenly adores him, and still lives with him. Jim heads outside to look for his Ford Pinto, and finds instead that he owns a souped-up lifted truck that's been converted to spew black smoke into the air. Washing it is a meek Dwight Shrute. Pam shouts out that she wants "Two coats of clown wax this time, not just one!" and Dwight says that he's just finishing up the second coat. "Now don't prank me, Dwight!" shouts Jim. "I'm sorry, Mister Halpert," says Dwight, "I meant, that I was just starting on the second coat." Jim smirks and turns back into the house. "Ah, that Dwight, what a character. Still, if it hadn't have been for him," Jim turns to the camera and winks, "We never would have met."
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Jan 3, 2023 01:45
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Jim inhales all the air in the office and in everybody's lungs. The entire office collapses as Jim laughs, in their voices.
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Jan 3, 2023 02:08
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His pranks losing potency, getting desperate, Jim uses a massive amount of magic beans to spike Dwight's beet juice and travels with Dwight to a magical fantasy realm where they must destroy a very powerful ring where he will prank Dwight for eternity. Jim begins to covet this ring and wants to change his plan to gain the power of better pranks, but Dwight isn't really interested in the thing and just summons the giant eagles to get it over with in the first 10 minutes of the episode. Jim looks at the fantasy magic elven camera with a frustrated expression. They awake on the warehouse floor. Dwight is fine and leaps to his feet. Jim has the worst hangover of his life and swears off magic beans forever.
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Jan 3, 2023 02:34
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Jim's resolution to abstain from magic beans lasts until the end of his hangover. The moment his headache clears up he's back on them beans.
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Jan 3, 2023 03:14
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Jim buys Dwight a mockingbird. The mockingbird doesn't sing, but roasts Dwight constantly with insulting observations. "Actually it's just me in a mockingbird costume," Jim confesses during an interview.
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Jan 3, 2023 03:16
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Jim replaces the urinal cakes in the bathroom with urinal cakes in the shape of Dwight's face.
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Jan 3, 2023 03:40
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“Thank you Mr. Schrute. Well uh… we’ll be in touch.” Dwight smiles and thanks the FBI agent for her time, then walks out of the interview room. “So, Scully, what did you think?” asks Fox Mulder, also of the FBI. He’s been intrigued by a case coming out of rural Pennsylvania, a series of bizarre paranormal sightings that all seem to involve Dwight Schrute, a seemingly normal paper salesman. “Well, I think Mr. Schrute is a perfectly wonderful man who hasn’t experienced anything paranormal, despite what you believe. He just kept referring to a coworker, Jim Halpert, and acting as if this was normal. Mulder, I think maybe what we have here is a sleepy little town that decided to make up a story, and these innocent paper salesmen got caught up in it.” “Maybe,” replies Mulder with a small smile, “but take a look at this!” Agent Mulder tosses a takeout menu to Agent Dana Scully. She flips it around in her hands and looks at the front. Famous Original Jim’s. It looks like a typical pizza takeout place to her. “Are you offering dinner?” “Maybe,” agent Mulder is practically beaming now. He knows Scully won’t be able to resist the next bit of tantalizing evidence, no matter how skeptical she is. “But take a look at some of the menu items here.” “Hotter than hot pizza? Clown paper casserole? Mulder, is this some kind of joke?” “No, it’s apparently the hottest restaurant in Scranton. We passed 4 of them on the drive in. And look, there’s one right across the street.” Scully peers out the window and sees that Mulder is correct, the tiny pizza place is situated almost directly across the street. Scully looks a little closer and sees somewhere staring back at her from the front door. The man has incredibly floppy hair and stares at her with a strange, arrogant look across his face. It’s as if he’s mugging at her. “Hey Mulder? I think I’ll take you up on that dinner offer.But it looks like the owner might be expecting us.” Agent Mulder leans in close to Agent Scully and also looks out the window. The mugging man quickly ducks away once he realizes two people are watching him. “C’Mon Scully, that’s the kind of small town hospitality you can’t get anywhere else.”
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Jan 3, 2023 04:00
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Jim is imbued with cosmic energy by a dying wizard. Rather than use his newfound powers to bring an end to the Demon Prince Zilzac's galactic reign, Jim decides to go into work like normal. When he gets up to make a photocopy, Jim slaps his hand across Dwight's back. The prank is that Jim plans to send Dwight forward in time exactly 1 minute to when Jim plans to split in Dwight's mouth, but he doesn't realize that Dwight becomes the universal origin coordinate around which everything revolves. From Dwight's point of view, he's putting the finishing touch on his expense report, when he feels a bony slap on his back and his skin immediately burns and his vision goes dark. Dwight finds himself naked in space, his clothes and desk and planet have traveled over 1,800km away. Dwight tries to scream but there is no air.
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Jan 3, 2023 04:55
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Jim gives Dwight a reverse bell. It rings all the time unless you ring it, then it goes silent until you stop ringing it.
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Jan 3, 2023 04:58
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LaserPrinter69 posted:From Dwight's point of view, he's putting the finishing touch on his expense report, when he feels a bony slap on his back and his skin immediately burns and his vision goes dark. Dwight finds himself naked in space, his clothes and desk and planet have traveled over 1,800km away. Dwight tries to scream but there is no air. Just another Tuesday for ol' Dwight.
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Jan 3, 2023 05:37
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Jim shows up to work with two-by-fours sticking out of his sleeves like arms. He walks stiff-legged over to Dwight's desk and starts walloping Dwight with his two-by-four arms. "I AM TWO-BY-FOUR BOT!" shrieks Jim in a piercing robotic voice.
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Jan 3, 2023 14:01
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poisonpill posted:Just another Tuesday for ol' Dwight. Jim posts a comment on Dwight's favorite Battlestar Galaxy forum for nerds, and purposely says it's Tuesday when it was actually Monday. Dwight is momentarily worried that he lost track of days during his long Christmas holiday and missed work. Jim smirks at his monitor, another Classic Jim prank executed flawlessly. He takes a rip of his clown weed and drifts off peacefully to sleep.
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Jan 3, 2023 14:56
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Jim replaces all of the glass in Dwight's house with easy-shatter glass used in movies. Dwight tries to pour himself a glass of beet juice, only to have the glass practically explode in his hand. Frustrated, he grabs another glass and has the same thing happen. Growing annoyed and sensing a prank is afoot, Dwight heads to his greenhouse in order to relax and work on some new hybrid beets. As soon as he touches the door, however, every glass pane in the building shatters. Dwight falls to his knees crying in frustrated anger when the lenses of his glasses also shatter. Jim suddenly digs himself out of a pile of dirt in the corner of the greenhouse. "You hear about how much people want to shatter the glass ceiling, but apparently NOW it's a bad thing?" Filled with rage and not thinking straight at all, Dwight rushes at Jim. He reaches forward to grab him by the collar of his shirt, only to feel Jim shatter like glass in his hands. A pile of floppy glass is all that remains of Jim. Dwight begins to cry, realizing that 2023 will be just like every other year in recent memory. At work the next day, Jim shows up perfectly fine and mugs for the camera.
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Jan 3, 2023 15:05
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Jim switches Dwight's tic tacs with heartworm eggs.
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Jan 3, 2023 15:40
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Jim steals a piece of wood from the Amityville Horror house. "Oh man, Dwight's gonna lose his mind! The evil inside this home will infect this wood, which'll then infect Dwight's house! He'll be dealing with goo monsters and flies in no time!" Jim then hides the wood in Dwight's basement, cackling the whole time. Nothing happens, of course, but Jim keeps waiting for the ghosts to "go nuts on Dwight's rear end". He eventually justifies the lack of activity as "the ghosts doing a new slow-burn horror thing" and considers the prank successful despite nothing even happening. Jim mugs for the camera. Dwight is left disturbed as he's unsure what prompted this.
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Jan 3, 2023 15:42
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Jim steals a bolt of tent cloth from the Ringling Bros. Circus and hides it in Dwight's basement, cackling the whole time. Dwight is awakened that night by a mysterious calliope music that seems to be coming from the basement, but when he tries to track the source he can't find it. He also keeps seeing clowns out of the corner of his eye but when he looks directly at the spot it's just a pile of clothes or other objects arranged in the rough shape of a clown. Dwight looks very pale and haggard when he shows up to work the next day. "I've heard of 'the greatest show on Earth' but Dwight's more like 'the lamest dweeb on Earth!'" laughs Jim.
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Jan 3, 2023 16:20
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jim jabs dwight in the back of the leg with a sterilised needle. when dwight turns round, jim displays a rusted and bloodied surgical lancet, and mugs the camera.
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Jan 3, 2023 16:23
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Dwight makes the mistake of using the phrase "if 'ifs' and 'buts' were candy and nuts then we'd all have a merry Christmas," within earshot of Jim. Now whenever Dwight says "if" or "but" Jim throws candy and nuts at him.
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Jan 3, 2023 16:30
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Jim trains a minah bird to steal from Dwight.
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Jan 3, 2023 19:48
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| # ? May 30, 2024 13:12 |
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Jim trains a miner to steal from Dwight.
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Jan 3, 2023 20:06
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