- sullat
- Jan 9, 2012
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Tip-out is more common here in nicer places where you also have a bartender and runners, but is usually optional everywhere else and the servers decide how much to tip out. I don’t think the busboys are going to expect her to tip out based on gifts from her parents. If they do, too bad for them. Good servers will tip out for good help based on how they did that night and how much help they got anyway.
Do the busboys, bartenders and non-tipped employees get minimum (non-tipped) wage at least?
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Jan 9, 2023 04:23
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 31, 2024 09:21
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- atomicdream
- Oct 4, 2017
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shaking my money maker to fund my crippling glamour addiction.
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AITA for not wanting my gf’s taxidermy collection in our house
Fun story: I actually had to tell my husband not to buy me a taxidermied crow (that I genuinely wanted) for my birthday/Valentine's day last year because I knew we're hoping to move internationally soonish and I was concerned about the laws transporting taxidermied birds.
My/our office is currently filled with plague doctor, skeleton and medical history art and accoutrements because that poo poo is my jam. We see the same hair stylist and she's got various skulls on the walls of her space. I want to be friends with taxidermy girlfriend. And the sister with tattoos and rats. They both sound rad as hell.
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Jan 9, 2023 04:24
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- value-brand cereal
- May 2, 2008
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Before we go into tipping chat let me post this real quick.
I (30f) found my deceased MIL's (85f) diary. Now I don't know what to do with the information I've learned. + UPDATE
quote:
This is quite a mess I've gotten myself into, so I need advice.
My MIL had passed a few days ago and my husband of 8 years (32m), SIL (31f), and FIL (88m) have all been taking it hard. MIL and I had a somewhat amicable relationship. We weren't at each other's throats, but we weren't the best of friends.
FIL asked me if I could sort through MIL's things after the funeral and I obliged. I had went through everything until I got to an old diary of hers from the 80's. I know it's my fault for being nosy, but I didn't know what it was and it looked different from anything else she would've owned. In the book, she talked about having trouble with her eldest daughter and how she was acting at the time. This surprised me, because SIL is the youngest of the family and the timeline didn't match.
It turns out that MIL not only had another child, but she was married to an entirely different person other than FIL. She always boasted about only being married once and said that FIL was the only husband for her. She talked about how her eldest never listens to her and that her and her ex got fed up and he convinced her to send their daughter to one of those 'tough love' boot-camps. She wrote that it was the worst thing she had ever done and that her daughter came back "worst than before." She wrote that they tried to work things out, but the daughter ran away and that she hadn't seen her since. She blamed her ex for all of this and divorced him. In the back of the diary there was a copy of the daughter's birth certificate and a picture of her as a teen.
I have no clue how to proceed! I mean, she JUST died and everyone in the family is already grieving. I'm now stuck with MIL's darkest secret and I have no idea what to do or even if I should tell anyone. Any advice would be great right about now.
TL;DR: MIL died. Found out she had a family she kept secret all these years. Now I know her secret and have no idea what to do with it.
OP doesn't want to ask her FIL questions because he is really grieving and is very old. She doesn't want to distress him.
UPDATE
So big things have happened since the time I last posted. I got a lot of advice that ranged from "Don't tell your husband or he'll leave you for ruining his family," or "Tell him because if you don't, he'll leave you for keeping secrets from him." So that had my anxiety running rampant for awhile on top of everything else. At that point, I just decided to sit SIL and him down and tell them everything I found. (I'm going to call the eldest daughter Jenny to make things clearer.)
It turns out that SIL knew everything about MIL and that's why they never had a good relationship, which shocked my husband. Turns out that MIL was a straight up liar, but so is her side of the family. First thing she lied about was her age. She is not 85. She's 73. SIL found a copy of her real birth date at her aunt's house, and that's when MIL side decided to come clean. They knew that FIL would've never dated MIL if he knew she already had a kid and was 12 years younger than him, so they all lied for her. They also told her about Jenny and her time at the reform camp.
SIL admitted to contacting Jenny once. According to her, it didn't go well. From the little conversation that they had, it turns out that Jenny had tried to get back in contact with MIL and had came to their house one day. FIL was the one that greeted her and because he knew nothing of MIL past, thought that she was lying and starting threatening to call the police on her for trespassing. When MIL did come to the door, she acted like she didn't know who she was and closed the door in her face. Jenny has no desired to be contacted again and wants nothing to do with any of them.
My husband is greatly upset about being kept in the dark for all these years, but he's working through it. We've all agreed to never tell FIL any of what we've discovered. He's an old man and we decided it's better for him to live in ignorance. I've given the diary to SIL and she can do whatever she wants with it. Anticlimactic I know, but I'm glad that everything is out in the open now. Thanks for the advice everyone!
Jenny, the eldest daughter, wants nothing to do with any of them. She had scrubbed everything about herself after her encounter with SIL.
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Jan 9, 2023 04:38
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- Pomme de Terror
- Sep 30, 2021
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Well, one of us must have killed him!
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Fun story: I actually had to tell my husband not to buy me a taxidermied crow (that I genuinely wanted) for my birthday/Valentine's day last year because I knew we're hoping to move internationally soonish and I was concerned about the laws transporting taxidermied birds.
My/our office is currently filled with plague doctor, skeleton and medical history art and accoutrements because that poo poo is my jam. We see the same hair stylist and she's got various skulls on the walls of her space. I want to be friends with taxidermy girlfriend. And the sister with tattoos and rats. They both sound rad as hell.
Misread that first sentence as a taxidermied cow and was all "How do you have the space for that?!" then I double-checked. Whoops. The crow sounds cool though
Content!
AITA for telling my father it's none of his drat business if I want to lie in bed the entire weekend?
quote:I (26'F) work full time Mon-Friday and pay all the bills for my own apartment. I enjoy spending my entire weekend lying in bed watching Netflix, scrolling Tiktok, or just napping. I absolutely admit this isn't a very 'productive' way to spend my time, however my bills are paid, my apartment is tidy and I have no outstanding errands, therefore it's harming no one if I choose to stay in bed.
My father rang me this afternoon on WhatsApp and saw that I was still lying in bed, in my pyjamas at 4pm. He started making little digs saying 'good evening' and asking me 'what I've done all day'. I told him absolutely nothing, to which he said it was 'ridiculous' that I felt it was acceptable to 'laze about in bed all day' to which I responded that it is none of his drat business if I want to lie in bed all weekend and abruptly ended the call.
I feel I'm in the right but my aunt and best friend seems to think I'm the AH
Am I the rear end in a top hat Reddit?
Love the easy ones
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Jan 9, 2023 04:44
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- Pope Corky the IX
- Dec 18, 2006
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What are you looking at?
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Thank you for posting stories instead of continuing yet another tipping derail.
therobit? You should know better. I’m disappointed in you.
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Jan 9, 2023 04:50
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- Activate
- Oct 29, 2011
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AITA for telling my father it's none of his drat business if I want to lie in bed the entire weekend?
What if OP is actually in a coma dream and the comments she’s hearing are her dad trying to wake her up and her brain contextualises it as passive aggression
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Jan 9, 2023 04:51
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- Biplane
- Jul 18, 2005
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What if OP is actually in a coma dream and the comments she’s hearing are her dad trying to wake her up and her brain contextualises it as passive aggression
Good point. OP is definitely the rear end in a top hat.
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Jan 9, 2023 04:55
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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Do the busboys, bartenders and non-tipped employees get minimum (non-tipped) wage at least?
In Oregon even the servers get regular minimum wage, which is $14.75/hr in the larger metro areas and $13.50 in the rural areas. Washington, California, and I think Nevada are the same, not sure about anywhere else. What that means is that with tips a server or a bartender can earn something approaching a living wage. IDK about any of the other states around me.
“Tipped minimum wage,” or paying a lower minimum wage with the expectation that tips will make up for it is bullshit and I do not believe that to be a controversial statement.
(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Jan 9, 2023 05:06
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Before we go into tipping chat let me post this real quick.
I (30f) found my deceased MIL's (85f) diary. Now I don't know what to do with the information I've learned. + UPDATE
Doing the math on the ages in the story for a new reason
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Jan 9, 2023 05:20
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- Pope Corky the IX
- Dec 18, 2006
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What are you looking at?
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I called my daughter a shiftless layabout and now she won’t come for Father’s Day. How do I make her understand that she needs to be a productive member of society?
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Jan 9, 2023 05:26
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- Midnight Voyager
- Jul 2, 2008
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Lipstick Apathy
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Thank you for posting stories instead of continuing yet another tipping derail.
therobit? You should know better. I’m disappointed in you.
I don't know why you thought therobit knew better.
anyway, I hate the boomer idea that you should never rest ever even if you are tired as hell. If you aren't working yourself to death, you're a waste!
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Jan 9, 2023 05:43
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- Pope Corky the IX
- Dec 18, 2006
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What are you looking at?
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Just ask them “And how has that worked out for you? Still retiring at sixty-five?”
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Jan 9, 2023 05:50
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- Midnight Voyager
- Jul 2, 2008
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Lipstick Apathy
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Unfortunately, my boomer relatives wanted to work until they died because they fuckin committed to that idea. They only stopped when forced by health. So at least they were consistent, I guess!
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Jan 9, 2023 06:00
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- AreWeDrunkYet
- Jul 8, 2006
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Doing nothing owns though
It depends on your goals. And if someone really doesn't have any personal goals or projects outside of work at that stage in their life, there's no harm in talking to a therapist to talk about why. Could be they're burnt out at work and need to find a better way to manage that, could be that's just what makes them happy.
Either way dad needs to gently caress off.
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Jan 9, 2023 06:03
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- Mx.
- Dec 16, 2006
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I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!
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AITA for throwing away an eaten dinner that I spent two hours preparing?quote:My partner, let’s call him Cooper (65M) and I (35M) have been moving houses and it’s been a pretty stressful time.
Cooper is the stereotypical dad - the type that insists you be at the airport 3 hours before your flight etc. Even my coworkers who have never met him in person picked up during Zoom meetings that he was always cleaning and putting stuff away in the background.
Cooper is also extremely absent-minded. He constantly puts stuff away because he likes the home clean, forgets where he puts them, and forces me to have to look for things. We’ve talked about this more times than I can count. He always says “ok I’ll pay attention next time” but it never lasts.
I am the type that has messy desks but always knows where everything is. When Cooper puts my things away thinking he’s helping it frustrates me to no end because now I can’t find anything.
I’m a bit of a foodie and do all the cooking in the house. I thought this weekend that I’ll make something nice for Cooper. So I made lamb belly stew. There are dozens of ingredients and I laid everything on the kitchen table so I can conveniently reach them.
2 hours into cooking, Cooper walked into the kitchen and started having a conversation. He was hungry and the smell of food was just too much for him to bear. We were talking and out of the corner of my eye I see Cooper begin to take all the ingredients on the table and put them back in the fridge - ingredients I was still using.
At that moment kitchen rage came over me. Without a word I took the stew and poured everything into the sink, walked upstairs and went to bed hungry, leaving Cooper dumbfounded.
I still haven’t spoken to Cooper because I’m still angry. I told a coworker about this and they say I may have been TA cuz I overreacted to a minor inconvenience. But I felt I was justified because the frustration has been building for years at this point.
AITA?
Edit: several of you asked why I didn’t use words to communicate. That is because this happened several times and we’ve spoken about it many times. If I leave a saucepan or stick to cool off, I’d come back to find that Cooper has washed the cookeries and thrown out the content because he didn’t know it was food. So I’ve always made it abundantly clear Cooper is not too touch anything when I’m cooking.
As far as we know he’s always been like this and not because of old age. Cooper’s ex, whom he was married to for ~20 years, had the exact same complaint
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Jan 9, 2023 06:08
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- the holy poopacy
- May 16, 2009
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hey! check this out
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Fun Shoe
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AITA for refusing to let my dad cut my hair?
look, we're all going to have to make sacrifices, and by "we" i mean "everyone but me"
Makes me reaaaally wonder how true it is that "he's never lost more than $100 in a night."
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Jan 9, 2023 06:15
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- Pope Corky the IX
- Dec 18, 2006
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What are you looking at?
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I don’t need this poo poo from a fooder.
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Jan 9, 2023 06:28
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- pentyne
- Nov 7, 2012
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Before we go into tipping chat let me post this real quick.
I (30f) found my deceased MIL's (85f) diary. Now I don't know what to do with the information I've learned. + UPDATE
Most of the historical information we have about things like Kings and their mistresses are from them dying suddenly and the servants not getting a chance to loot their domicile to find and burn anything written down.
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Jan 9, 2023 06:46
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- Serephina
- Nov 8, 2005
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恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー
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AITA for throwing away an eaten dinner that I spent two hours preparing?
People who walk into my kitchen get yelled at. People who try to clean up when I'm hosting also get yelled at.
If someone tried to tidy my kitchen when I was in it, knife in hand, they'd be lucky to escape intact.
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Jan 9, 2023 06:49
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- Electric Feels
- Aug 22, 2018
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“Tipped minimum wage,” or paying a lower minimum wage with the expectation that tips will make up for it is bullshit and I do not believe that to be a controversial statement.
(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
Apparently it is LMAO
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Jan 9, 2023 06:55
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- the holy poopacy
- May 16, 2009
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hey! check this out
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Fun Shoe
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anyway, I hate the boomer idea that you should never rest ever even if you are tired as hell. If you aren't working yourself to death, you're a waste!
half the time they're just finding excuses to not spend time with the spouse they hate, but they're so deep in the kayfabe they forgot why they were spending their weekends pretending to work on things
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Jan 9, 2023 06:56
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- The Alchemist
- Dec 12, 2010
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At what 711 are you ordering coffee?
They have coffee here but it's poo poo, much like the rest of their products. That's the 7/11 guarantee
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Jan 9, 2023 07:16
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- mossyfisk
- Nov 8, 2010
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FF0000
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AITA for throwing away an eaten dinner that I spent two hours preparing?
nbd, just describing my 30 years older husband as dad. We don't have children.
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Jan 9, 2023 07:19
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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7-11 in Japan has fresh ground coffee and is legitimately pretty good. On a related note, if you want the same relationship posts over and over read the japanlife reddit.
The twist is in Japan if you get cucked you can sue the cucker for monetary damages which leads to scams (apprently don't quote me on reality but Japanlife is terrified of this) where the woman sleeps with you and then reveals she is married to blackmail you for money.
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Jan 9, 2023 07:22
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- kimbo305
- Jun 9, 2007
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actually, yeah, I am a little mad
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Lazy gamer slips and calls his girlfriend his wife once. That’s a weird mistake to make.
I can see it being an incomplete anonymization attempt.
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Jan 9, 2023 07:30
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- Invisible Clergy
- Sep 25, 2015
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"Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"
Malachi 2:3
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The twist is in Japan if you get cucked you can sue the cucker for monetary damages which leads to scams (apprently don't quote me on reality but Japanlife is terrified of this) where the woman sleeps with you and then reveals she is married to blackmail you for money.
This exists in a couple of places in the U.S. also, under alienation of affection laws, the blackmail aspect is the classic region-agnostic confidence trick the badger game .
Good to have another place to look for content.
AITA for bragging about my IQ?quote:
I(22M) am autistic. Because of my various issues, I've got my IQ tested several times throughout my life, the earliest when I was 5 and the latest a bit before I turned 21.
Tbh, I think IQ is bullshit. There are several studies explaining why it isn't an accurate mesure of intelligence.
The lowest I have ever scored on an IQ test is 135, and I'm not great in test settings. Because of this, people have perceived me as basically "just too clever to be normal" for YEARS, and I have gone without any help for my literal disabilities for most of my childhood, because the IQ scores were perceived by professionals as an answer and it stopped them from looking for the actual issues.
So, not the biggest fan. I eventually got diagnosed with autism and ADHD, and it helped me a lot understand myself and become less insecure, and I've made a lot of friends, many also autistic, some not.
My friend Lena(22F) has a roommate, Paul(24M). I was at her place this afternoon, and we were talking in the living room, so her roommate could hear us from the kitchen, but he wasn't really part of the conversation. I made a joke sarcastically commenting that clearly, people who constantly bring up IQ are geniuses (it was relevant to the conversation).
Paul then commented: "I mean, idiots who say they have 200IQ on YouTube are obviously not, but obviously geniuses have high IQ." I didn't expect him to comment since he wasn't part of the conversation, but I replied anyways, saying that "it depends on how you define geniuses and what criteria you use. There might be a bunch of really stupid or average people who happens to have high IQ but they won't know, because no one is going to test them."
He got a bit annoyed and said something under his breath - I'm pretty sure he called me salty, Lena said she thought he said envy - which obviously ticked ME off because I know what those tests are like, I read studies on why they're not the best, and I don't like being dismissed when I know what I'm talking about. Because of that, I just got petty on an impulse and went:
"Hey Paul, you trust people with high IQs, right? If they're so clever, you must value their opinions?" "Well, not just anyone, obviously, but yeah." "Cool." I grinned and turned so I could see his face. "By the highest mesure, my IQ was 155. I'm telling you, IQ is bullshit."
He got really red and didn't reply and on the moment I felt satisfied, especially because my friend tried really hard not to laugh, but I could see she was amused. We went back to our conversation and he didn't talk to us again, went to eat in his room.
Now though, Lena messaged me saying he still isn't talking to her and is clearly pouting. She thinks it's funny, but I'm afraid I damaged her relationship with her roommate, which would obviously suck, just for a petty win (which I got based on a think I don't even like about myself or feel proud of). I think maybe it was hypocritical of me, so, AITA?
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Jan 9, 2023 07:33
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- ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
- Jan 21, 2007
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AITA for bragging about my IQ?
This person sounds like a fuckin hit at parties
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Jan 9, 2023 07:54
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- quantumwell
- Jun 22, 2013
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This person sounds like a fuckin hit at parties
"There might be a bunch of really stupid or average people who happens to have high IQ but they won't know, because no one is going to test them."
This guy isn't as smart as he thinks......
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Jan 9, 2023 07:57
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- Midnight Voyager
- Jul 2, 2008
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Lipstick Apathy
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"There might be a bunch of really stupid or average people who happens to have high IQ but they won't know, because no one is going to test them."
This guy isn't as smart as he thinks......
Nah he's right. IQ tests center around upper class white bullshit.
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Jan 9, 2023 08:03
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- ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
- Jan 21, 2007
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Nah he's right. IQ tests center around upper class white bullshit.
its also cool and good to alienate acquaintances with tidbits like ths until they find your very presence a buzzkill
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Jan 9, 2023 08:09
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- Silly Newbie
- Jul 25, 2007
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How do I?
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"There might be a bunch of really stupid or average people who happens to have high IQ but they won't know, because no one is going to test them."
This guy isn't as smart as he thinks......
That statement is entirely true. IQ testing is weighted toward particular skill sets and cultural upbringing, but also only comes up in really specific circumstances. "Stupid person has the exact skillet that IQ measured" is entirely plausible.......
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Jan 9, 2023 08:11
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- Blue Moonlight
- Apr 28, 2005
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Bitter and Sarcastic
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AITA for bragging about my IQ?
I am tired of the world; these people. I am tired of being caught in the tangle of their lives.
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Jan 9, 2023 08:11
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- Midnight Voyager
- Jul 2, 2008
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Lipstick Apathy
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Yup.
its also cool and good to alienate acquaintances with tidbits like ths until they find your very presence a buzzkill
Eh, if you mention it in a conversation and some dude kramers in to defend the honor of IQ tests, they asked for it.
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Jan 9, 2023 08:12
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 31, 2024 09:21
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- Lottery of Babylon
- Apr 25, 2012
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STRAIGHT TROPIN'
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"There might be a bunch of really stupid or average people who happens to have high IQ but they won't know, because no one is going to test them."
This guy isn't as smart as he thinks......
If he has a high IQ, and he's not smart, then doesn't basically prove his point?
M (early 40s) doesn’t want to make things serious in relationship of 5 years with me (F early 30s) mostly because of my physical appearance,especially weight
quote:So I have been involved with a guy the past few years and have kind of had a relationship with him that is more than a FWB but not a serious relationship either where it’s Facebook official either. Despite this, neither of us have ever really been interested in pursuing other relationships either and haven’t gone for anyone else. We have a strong emotional connection where we can talk on the phone for HOURS about anything and we have similar political and religious views and really good sexual chemistry too and he says that I’m the best person he’s been with in that aspect. We’ve met each other’s family and friends and I get along well with all of them, especially his young child, and even his ex-wife and I get along quite well and my family likes him too. I’ve had some traumatic events happen these past few years including the unexpected death of a parent, which I’ve been addressing in therapy where I was immediately diagnosed with PTSD and because of that I haven’t been pushing making things serious because I know that I needed to work on myself but now I’m to the point where I would maybe like to make things official.
He told me a few days ago that he was interested in maybe going on the dating apps again in the spring since he’s starting to feel lonely living by himself in his apartment. I told him that I would be interested in pursuing things further because it would be worth at least trying due to our strong emotional and physical connection. He then told me that there were some things about me that he didn’t feel would make me compatible with him and I asked him what they were and he said that we were just too different. I didn’t want to press the matter because he was about to go into work but then I decided to ask him about it the next day when we were talking on the phone.
He mentioned some family stuff on my end and I told him that I know they have their issues but they live hundreds of miles away and I barely see them so that he was under no obligation to see them. He then said that he wanted a woman who “takes care of herself” and I know what that is code for but I asked him he meant. He said that he is fit and active and spends time in the gym so he wants someone who does the same. He then started going on about how he isn’t into overweight women, he doesn’t find them attractive, there is no reason why anyone should be overweight, they’re not healthy, and that he only likes skinny fit women. He also said that it’s not exciting being in bed with an overweight woman.
For context, I am not conventionally attractive at all and I’m am also short and obese by BMI standards. I eat healthy mostly plant-based meals (I’m vegetarian) that I meal-prep in advance and I also have a physically active hobby and I work out whenever work isn’t kicking my butt too much since I work third shift in a stressful medical professional position but the scale never seems to budge much. I do genuinely like being healthy and physically active, however, I have hypothyroidism that has confirmed by my doctor and based on my symptoms, likely PCOS also. Both of those disorders run in my family and while it’s super easy for me to build muscle, it’s difficult for me to lose fat. I’ve expressed my concerns with my doctor because working in healthcare I know how unhealthy it can be and she says that all of my blood work looks great and that I’m not unhealthy but I’m not happy at this weight either.
He then said that I looked the best in high school and in college and that I should try to go back to that size. For context, I have been at least overweight all my life (including the entire time I’ve known him) except for in college when I developed an eating disorder after some stressful life events and I became underweight. I was incredibly fit and physically active in high school and my gym teacher begged me to joined the track team because of my mile times, but I still was overweight which both guys and my high school friends seemed to have no issues with reminding me of. So I know that I need to lose weight and want to lose weight but it’s still frustrating that I have confirmation that I’m actively being held back romantically because of something that is very hard for me to control.
It also honestly feels kind of hypocritical too. He’s physically active and has a lot of muscle tone but he is a big eater so he is also a bit overweight himself with some extra weight around the middle. I do not care AT ALL about this and really like his body type since he’s really tall and strong looking and I’m also attracted to all sorts of body types but it seems like a double standard. Also almost of the girls he’s gone for have not been huge fitness freaks but were either naturally thin due to good genetics and/or hard drug usage. And while I respect that everyone has their physical preference and no one is obligated to be attracted to me or overweight women in general, it’s still frustrating and feels hypocritical.
I’m just not really sure what to do. I do really appreciate his honesty as I’ve never been in a relationship in my life and in a way it’s kind of reassuring that I don’t have some raging personality defects but it’s also upsetting that it’s based on my looks as much as it is. He does have a lot of positive traits and I would like to pursue things further but I feel like it could be an issue with my looks. He’s really been there for me through a lot, and was really one of the only people who was there for me after my parent died. And I also know that no one is entitled to me but I’d hate to throw a connection like that over something that I would like to fix anyways. I have therapy this week but this has been bouncing around my head the past few days so any input would be greatly appreciated.
TLDR: person I’ve been involved with doesn’t want to make things serious because of my weight, which has not changed during the time I’ve known him and is difficult for me to lose and I would like to lose the weight but I’m not sure if this is a dealbreaker or not
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Jan 9, 2023 08:15
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Jan 9, 2023 04:23
