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Goldilocks except it's ran by Jigsaw. "Hello Goldilocks, before you are three bowls of porridge..." |
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Jan 7, 2023 17:59
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| # ? May 25, 2024 00:42 |
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| Let go from my job at the Dick Sucking Factory | |
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Jan 7, 2023 22:20
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Were you bad at your job, or was there somehow a sudden decrease in demand for dick sucking? Are these things correlated? We will never know |
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Jan 7, 2023 22:27
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the more efficient the worker becomes at dick sucking, the fewer need to be employed. also the more prone to premature ejaculation the clients of the dick sucking factory become, the fewer workers need to be employed |
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Jan 7, 2023 22:33
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Prurient Squid posted:An oral history of anal. why is this so lo key funny
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Jan 8, 2023 00:50
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eat butt long time lol |
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Jan 8, 2023 00:59
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Putty posted:Let go from my job at the Dick Sucking Factory if you increase your flexibility you can be self employed and work from home |
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Jan 8, 2023 01:10
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A folk song written by a junior manager. "There's a time to lean and a time to clean, A time to work hard and a time to hardly work, A time to prepare and a time to prepare to fail. Turn, turn, turn." |
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Jan 8, 2023 14:34
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In a spiritual sequel to Liar Liar, Jim Carrey plays a widely unpopular besuited pathological liar skulking the forests, this spring, in Slanderman. |
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Jan 8, 2023 23:27
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Superstition is caused by a covert but massive surveillance network directing strikes against people leaving keys upon tables, walking under ladders etc. Though massive, the network is characterized by a dilbertesque bureaucracy led by an absolute lunatic, so its operation can often be perceived as haphazard and arbitrary, and so many offenders' offenses often go unpunished. Hilarity and shenanigans ensue with painful frequency, to our everyman protagonist who just tries to go through his day after having been recruited into the agency by sheer happenstance.
Karate Bastard fucked around with this message at 23:57 on Jan 8, 2023 |
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Jan 8, 2023 23:55
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I knew the grocery store was shady when I saw the meath counter |
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Jan 9, 2023 03:43
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Karate Bastard posted:Superstition is caused by a covert but massive surveillance network directing strikes against people leaving keys upon tables, walking under ladders etc. Though massive, the network is characterized by a dilbertesque bureaucracy led by an absolute lunatic, so its operation can often be perceived as haphazard and arbitrary, and so many offenders' offenses often go unpunished. Hilarity and shenanigans ensue with painful frequency, to our everyman protagonist who just tries to go through his day after having been recruited into the agency by sheer happenstance. Lead by Stevie Wonder. |
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Jan 9, 2023 11:10
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Judge Dredd sees a fat man in a red suit trying to break into someone's house on Christmas eve. Sentence is death. He pulls out his blaster. But Santa isn't about to back down from a fight. e: woah, this joke has been done before according to Google image search lol. Thread? |
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Jan 9, 2023 18:58
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Going back to the dilapidated clown town. Can it be ruled over my an enigmatic figure known as the one eyed mummer? |
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Jan 9, 2023 20:23
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The famous "clown town blues" is actually the blues, greens, reds and purples, and yellows, and is traditionally played on xylophone and an assortment of honk horns. |
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Jan 9, 2023 20:30
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Prurient Squid posted:Going back to the dilapidated clown town. Can it be ruled over my an enigmatic figure known as the one eyed mummer? you picked the wrong town to clown in, bub strange newcomer clown: I’m sorry, I didn’t know the rules then he reaches slow for his pie and it’s like yojimbo with pies idk
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Jan 9, 2023 20:39
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Is this Escape from New York but with clowns? With MORE clowns? |
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Jan 9, 2023 21:25
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I'm still thinking about clowntip #11RavenousScoot posted:a clown giving tiktok lifehacks |
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Jan 10, 2023 00:38
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There is a league of good clowns, armed with pies of cream and flowers of squirt, sworn to fight the evil clowns, like pennywise and mcdonald. |
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Jan 10, 2023 00:42
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Surreptitiously, Guiseppe produces a hidden cream pie from his harlequin shirt sleeve. Across the greasy tile, Ronald draws a steel tenderizer from his pantaloons. "Skullcrusher" is its name. |
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Jan 10, 2023 00:49
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if u think about it Ronald mcdonald is the creepiest clown in the universe. think I’ll go with blood red & piss yellow for my clownatory getup
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Jan 10, 2023 00:54
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While Guiseppe studied slipping at cirque du soleil in Baie-Saint-Paul, Ronald studied the forbidden clowning techniques in Baltimore. |
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Jan 10, 2023 00:56
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The T-800 tweets "It's in your nature to destroy each other" and every response is "yikes!". |
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Jan 10, 2023 11:05
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for 12 long years you have been asking yourself, who is john galt? this is john galt speaking 1/500 -john galt (@johnnygalt)
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Jan 10, 2023 16:15
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Shot for comedy - no literally. |
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Jan 10, 2023 21:43
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a kid ducks into the library to evade the group of bullies pursuing him. he stumbles on a book about nominative determinism and reads it intently. his name, galen fagan e: the nominative determinism for getting picked on because of your name, not being gay The Voice of Labor fucked around with this message at 01:27 on Jan 11, 2023 |
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Jan 11, 2023 01:23
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If Alan Greenspan takes a poo poo before 12pm the markets are gonna tank, but if he takes a piss as well as a poo poo those stocks are gonna go sky high. |
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Jan 11, 2023 12:37
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This is kind of a dumb poo poo in your head as soon as you wake up thing too, but: A band with union seniority rules. "what do you mean I'm not lead guitar anymore?" "Sorry Dave, Jerry bumped you to drums, he's senior." "But Jerry sucks at guitar!" "I know, but those are the rules. We're hiring for a drummer, when we find one we can action your transfer to rhythm guitar." "why didn't Jerry transfer to lead singer? He's not a bad singer, that way I could have stayed lead guitar!" "Steve is lead singer, and he's got 35 years in this band." "Steve needs to transfer to tambourine and cruise until retirement." *sigh* "I know." |
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Jan 11, 2023 17:41
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Finger Prince posted:This is kind of a dumb poo poo in your head as soon as you wake up thing too, but: lol 
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Jan 11, 2023 17:46
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God's psychiatrist told him to take on a creative project to help improve his mental health so he created the world. |
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Jan 11, 2023 19:55
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Prurient Squid posted:God's psychiatrist told him to take on a creative project to help improve his mental health so he created the world. The great flood was a fit of pique where they were just like "This is poo poo! Everything I do is poo poo! Nothing I make is worth a drat!" |
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Jan 11, 2023 20:31
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Prurient Squid posted:If Alan Greenspan takes a poo poo before 12pm the markets are gonna tank, but if he takes a piss as well as a poo poo those stocks are gonna go sky high. |
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Jan 12, 2023 02:30
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Prurient Squid posted:God's psychiatrist told him to take on a creative project to help improve his mental health so he created the world. God's wife: "You haven't touched that thing for what, a millenium? Or three?" God: "No, remember I did the thing where I made it rain frogs. And crickets." God's wife: *withering stare* God: "Alright, I'll get to it in a bit." God's wife: "I've heard that before. It's a mess down there. Why don't you just have Junior take care of things for a bit? You can keep working on the Zemos Project then." God: "But he hasn't ever... whatever. Fine." *****1,990 years pass****** God: *walks into living room* "Wha?... I thought you were down on Earth taking care of everything? Why are you playing video games?" Jesus: *takes off headphones* "Hm? Oh, they're doing fine." God: *narrows eyes* *heads to Earth* "WHAT THE poo poo" |
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Jan 12, 2023 05:19
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What if Kemono Friends was a theatre play by Bertolt Brecht? |
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Jan 12, 2023 18:38
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The daily misadventures of Samurai Yo-Jim-Bob. Samurai Yojimbob: My uchigatana has been drawn, and cannot return to the sheath until it has tasted blood. Samurai Yojimbob: Mooooooooooooom! Can you tie my shoes please! My uchigatana has been drawn, and cannot return to the sheath until it has tasted blood. Samurai Yojimbob Mom: Did you not defeat the enemy? Samurai Yojimbob: The enemy ran away, and were too swift for Samurai Yo-Jim-Bob. Samurai Yojimbob Mom: If you put your uchigatana down, you can use both your hands to tie your shoes. Samurai Yojimbob: No. |
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Jan 12, 2023 20:22
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Karate Bastard posted:The daily misadventures of Samurai Yo-Jim-Bob. lol
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Jan 12, 2023 22:59
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Jan 12, 2023 23:41
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Karate Bastard posted:The daily misadventures of Samurai Yo-Jim-Bob. 
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Jan 12, 2023 23:42
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The T-800 travels back in time to protect John Conner. Unfortunately his circuits get scrambled in the process and ends up siding with Beavis and Butthead. |
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Jan 13, 2023 17:33
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| # ? May 25, 2024 00:42 |
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You've heard of Han Solo. Now it's time for Ham Solo. |
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Jan 13, 2023 20:53
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