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Dwight arrives at work early one day and catches Jim spraying down a Minion with a garden hose.
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Jan 11, 2023 14:10
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jim encases dwight's car in jello. on discovering that dwight is carpooling with Charles Miner today, jim has a severe panic attack
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Jan 11, 2023 14:12
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Jim discovers the mask from the hit Jim Carrey film "The Mask". He puts it on and heads to the office, eager to mess with Dwight and the rest of his coworkers. No one notices any difference, except for Oscar who offhandedly mentions that Jim "looks a little green today". Jim then performs an elaborate song and dance routine to "Cuban Pete", which even Dwight finds to be pretty charming. A frustrated Jim then takes off the mask and leaves it in a garbage can, where Jamie Kennedy eventually finds it. Dwight confesses this prank actually bothered him quite a bit. Years ago, he won a Nintendo Power contest to get a walk-on role in The Mask 2 with Jim Carrey. The film never happened, so Dwight never received his actual prize. Dwight says that this might have signaled the end of his childhood, and it remains a very painful memory. Jim overhears this and smiles. "I guess there is a God, after all!" Jim says with a huge grin.
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Jan 11, 2023 14:21
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Jim shoves a rag into a bottle of grain alcohol, lights the rag and throws the bottle at Dwight. Fortunately for Dwight, Jim's aim is terrible after drinking a bottle of grain alcohol. The empty bottle lands harmlessly on the ground and Dwight calmly walks over and steps on the charred rag to put out any remaining embers. Jim blacks out.
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Jan 11, 2023 15:01
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Jim starts spreading rumors that Dunder Mifflin is about to be sold. "Like to Sabre?" Oscars asks. "What the hell is Sabre?" Jim asks, completely befuddled. Oscar decides not to belabor the point any further. As the days go on Jim concocts more and more elaborate stories, eventually settling on the story that Dunder Mifflin is going to be purchased by Donald J Trump, the former steak salesman. Dwight says that he'll quit on the spot if that's true. Jim's face begins to light up, as this is exactly what he expected Dwight to say. However, things take a turn when Dwight continues speaking, adding that he'd take a long vacation immediately afterwards. In fact, he adds, he's going to look at booking.com right now for some great deals. "Booking dot yeah, you mean?" comes a sultry voice from the conference room. "No. Not here, not now. That's impossible," Jim says, his mouth rapidly growing dry. "Nothing's impossible with the power of booking.com, Jim. We aren't flashy like those other travel sites. Nobody will ever accuse us of being "lit". But we do get you a good deal on hotel rooms so you can save more and do more with your vacation." Charles Miner, resplendent in a charcoal gray suit, steps out of the conference room pulling a small wheeled suitcase behind him. "No, that's not fair. I worked really hard on this one. My punchline... my punchline was going to be..." "Worked really hard on what, Jim? If your answer isn't 'the rundown' then I think we're going to have a different kind of conversation here." Jim starts backing up towards the door, his entire body quaking with fear, never taking his eyes off of Charles Miner. He starts muttering to himself and reaches for the doorknob. His hand, slick with sweat, struggles to grasp and turn the knob. "C'mon, please, for the love of God open up. Open up!" Jim yells, his teeth practically chattering with fear. As he struggles with the door, Charles calmly steps towards him. His rolling suitcase makes a pleasant whirring noise at it moves over the carpeted floors of the office. Jim can smell his cologne now as he finally gets the door to open. Rushing out into the hallway, Jim trips over his own lanky legs and falls down. He looks back at the office and sees Charles Miner smiling politely at him. "Hey Jim, if you're running out, can you pick us up some coffee? I'd love a good cup of coffee while I read your rundown." "I was going... the prank... it was... I was going to hire a Trump impersonator... he's... he's probably..." "Iced coffee for me, Jim. A shot of caramel, that'd be just delightful while I read the rundown. Thanks again, Jim." The door closes to the office, leaving Jim a sputtering mess on the floor. "Probably outside right now..." Jim finishes his thought just as a man in an ill-fitting suit steps out of the elevator. He has an obnoxious tan, a bizarre wig, and is wearing an ill-fitting suit. "Is this where the YUGE event is happening? The biggest event ever, wow, just incredible from the standpoint of size!" "Not now, please. I'll get you the money, just... not now." Jim replies, sadly. 3 weeks of planning are down the drain. "Jesus man, what happened to you? You get fired or something?" replies the Trump impersonator. Jim just looks at him sadly and walks out of the building, heading towards Scranton Java Junction, the best coffee shop in town. He plunks down his money and orders coffee for the entire office. On the walk back to the office he trips on a piece of uneven pavement and spills the coffee. Realizing this spells disaster, Jim returns to the coffee shop to place another order. Charles only gave him enough money for the first order, so Jim has to pay for this out of his own pocket. "Sir, your debit card... it's not swiping. Maybe trip the chip?" "poo poo, what day is it? gently caress. Sorry, sorry just.... just give me a second. I just need to transfer a little bit from my savings account to my checking account." Jim quickly realizes he left his cell phone back at the office and asks if he can take the coffee, then return in a few minutes with money. The barista says that's not possible, especially with such a large order. "Okay well what the gently caress do you suggest then? I've got 15 coffees here and no way to pay for it. What's your ideal solution? You stupid rear end in a top hat, what is not adding up for you here?" Jim is kicked out of the Scranton Java Junction and banned from ever returning. He returns to the office without any coffee, and a clearly annoyed Charles Miner is waiting for him. "Jim. C'mon, man. I make a LOT of excuses for you already and give you a lot of leeway. But you couldn't pick up some coffees at a little shop down the street? Jim, you REALLY need to wake up and start paying attention." Hearing a giggle, Jim looks towards the receptionist desk and sees Pam quickly stifle her laughter. Jim looks down at his shoes, unable to make eye contact with Charles Miner. "It's fine. Hey Dwight, I know I can count on you. Can you get us some coffee?" Dwight says that'd be fine, he'll be back shortly. As he walks past Jim he whispers "it'll be okay" and pats him on the back. Once Dwight is out of earshot, Charles leans in close to Jim. "No, Jim. It won't be." Jim pisses his pants for the camera.
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Jan 11, 2023 18:05
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Jim and Dwight have been at their desks for hours, both seemingly working on actual office-related items. Kevin leans over to Oscar. "Hey Oscar, can you believe that Jim hasn't pulled off a prank yet?" "Hmmmmm," Oscar says as he scratches his chin, "I don't think you're entirely correct there. Look at Jim, very carefully." Kevin squints and tries to see if he's missing something, but Jim still looks as if he's just tapping away at an expense report on his computer. Kevin squints at Oscar. "Angela, you can see it, right?" Oscar asks, prompting Angela to peer over from her desk. She has a sullen look on her face. "Yes. Jim's been trying to prank Dwight all morning. Millions of simple pranks being executed at near light speed." Kevin lets out a frustrated grunt, he still can't see anything. Angela places a hand on Kevin's head and slowly turns it back and forth, left to right, from Dwight to Jim and back again over and over. "W-wait! I can see it! I can see the pranks!" Kevin says. Jim is rapidly performing dozens of pranks a second, moving so quickly that the human eye can't even follow. Office items are sealed in gelatin, whoopie cushions are laid down, family photos are photoshopped, prank phone calls are made. "I feel so bad for Dwight," Kevin adds with a frown, "he's getting constantly pranked over there. He doesn't even seem to realize it!" "Look again, Kevin, knowing what you know now. Watch Dwight's face, the extreme concentration needed to counter all of these pranks AND keep typing in that spreadsheet. I've heard of this technique before, the Anti-Prank Counter Instinct, but I've never seen it in action before. Incredible, utterly incredible," Oscar says with complete awe in his voice. Kevin squints again and notices some papers on Dwight's desk are lightly rustling in the breeze. As he stares deeper he sees Dwight deftly countering every prank Jim throws at him. Office supplies are removed from gelatin, whoopie cushions are safely disarmed, photos are returned to their original condition, and prank phone calls are reported as spam. Angela beams with pride. "Let's go, Dwight! You can do it!" Dwight briefly nods and smiles before returning to his state of extreme concentration. The two paper salesmen are locked in a deadly game of skill as the accounting department looks on in awe. After nearly 15 minutes, Dwight slips up. His finger accidentally pokes his computer screen, leaving him wide open to retaliation. "Idiot!" Jim yells, "I've got you now!" Jim sticks a lighter under Dwight's tie, lights it on fire, and then sits back and mugs for the camera. Dwight rushes off to the break room to put out his burning tie. Jim mugs for the camera. "Dammit!" Kevin yells, "Dwight was so close! It's not fair." Angela, a sly grin on her face, looks on knowingly. Jim prepares to stand up and make a pun. As he does, his pants fall down, revealing pale, withered legs and a pair of Mars Needs Moms underwear. Kevin and Oscar look on in shock; somehow Dwight has managed a counter prank so quickly that not even Jim could see it. They both beg Angela to explain what happened. "Simple! While Jim was distracted turning on the lighter, Dwight removed a staple from his stapler and flicked it at Jim's belt at incredibly high speed. The staple had enough force to slice through his belt. Although Dwight may have gotten pranked himself, he had an even more powerful counter ready to go!" "Wow! Dwight sure is an incredible guy!" Kevin says with glee. Jim, his pants around his ankles, waddles out of the office while cursing Dwight and vowing to return. A Fancy Hat fucked around with this message at 19:36 on Jan 11, 2023 |
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Jan 11, 2023 19:28
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Jim hires three Elvis impersonators as a part of his elaborate "Elvis Prank." Everyone wonders where Jim is that day, and if the four Elvises are some kind of a prank. Jim shoots a TV out of disappointment.
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Jan 11, 2023 20:15
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Jim starts a social media platform designed around people uploading pictures of Dwight and rating them on a scale to 10.
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Jan 12, 2023 01:40
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Jim's glee quickly sours when he realizes the average score is a 9.7. "this cannot be" he says out loud as he scrolls through the user reviews. "Dwight is so sexy in his mustard yellow shirt" "You could iron a shirt on those abs! 😍" "Dwight could manage my account any day" Rather than admit his prank spectacularly backfired, Jim prints the highest rated user reviews and delivers the printout to Angela, who he knows is jealous and spiteful.
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Jan 12, 2023 03:31
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Jim brings a colossal bread pudding into the office. Dwight suspects a trick, but after Kevin taste tests it and suffers no ill effects, he and the rest of the office cautiously serve themselves each a helping of bread pudding. Even Dwight has to admit it's the most delicious bread pudding he's ever tasted. That's when Jim releases the seagulls.
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Jan 12, 2023 04:44
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Jim watches Juno for the first time. From then on, he begins to refer to Dwight as “Homeskillet” constantly. Dwight tries to watch Juno to figure out why Jim’s started calling him this, but every time he starts the movie, he suddenly gets a massive migraine and passes out during the first scene. The Awesomesaurus fucked around with this message at 06:57 on Jan 12, 2023 |
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Jan 12, 2023 06:50
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Jim installs a hose running down Dwight's esophagus, through his stomach and intestines, and down out his rear end in a top hat. No matter how much Dwight consumes or drinks, he's unable to absorb calories or nutrients, while all waste product comes out as a mush of previously chewed but undigested food. Finally going to a hospital, it's revealed that the hose has fused to and damaged Dwight's digestive system so much that even if removed, Dwight will be forced to use a nutritional IV to survive for the rest of his life. Dwight, unable to give up the delicious flavor of a cold beet juice, is forced to wear a diaper to capture the slow leakage whenever he indulges himself. Sometimes he just sits on a toilet, drinking from bottle after bottle of beet wine, unable to even get drunk, as his rear end drizzles out the finest vintages. Eventually, Dwight shoves a beet wine bottle up his rear end to perpetually recycle the wine during his tasting binges. One night, Dwight invites Jim over to the farm to talk about things. Emaciated, Dwight still attempts to be a good host by offering refreshment to his guest. "I see you're having some concentrated electrolytes in dextrose. I don't suppose you have a bag of that for me?" Jim mocks Dwight pulling around an IV pole as they walk through the study. "No, this is calculated for me. I have a lot of extra beet wine since the... the hose. I suppose I could offer you something from my private stores. How about a big bottle of beet wine?" Dwight moves to a bottle and uncorks it, pouring it for Jim into a glass. "Well, if you insist! I guess I'll have to enjoy this for the both of us, considering your condition." Jim seizes the bottle rather than the bottle, wraps his lips around the bottle and starts chugging it back, laughing. "It's funny, I never liked this swill before now, but now that I'm..." Jim swishes around the beet wine in his mouth. Strange, a certain puckish charm he'd never tasted in this drink before. A familiar, prankish flavor that he couldn't quite put his finger on... "I'm sorry. Did I say a big bottle of beet wine?" Dwight feigns confusion, then mugs at the camera. JediTalentAgent fucked around with this message at 07:52 on Jan 12, 2023 |
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Jan 12, 2023 07:50
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Jim keeps drinking Sierra Mist all day and won't stop talking about how cool and refreshing it is. "drat, there really is nothing like an ice cold Sierra Mist to help you realize what's truly important in life." Dwight, never much a cola drinker, still feels a strange urge to drink some Sierra Mist himself. Jim's constant discussion of it, the smell of the drink, even the sound of the carbonated bubbles fizzing float inside Dwight's mind and compel him to buy a bottle on the way home from work. However, he discovers to his horror that the brand has been discontinued. Jim may very well have been drinking the very last bottles of Sierra Mist in all of Scranton, possibly all of Pennsylvania. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Jan 12, 2023 13:19
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Jim keeps drinking Campbell's "Minions" soup featuring Minion-shaped noodles all day, gulping loudly as he pours can after can down his gullet. He has soup stains all down his front and the electric can opener Jim has had installed at his desk is constantly whirring. "Christ I loving love this soup, Dwight! Want a taste?" says Jim, smacking his lips as he offers Dwight a freshly-opened can of cold Minions soup. Next to Jim, half a pallet of unopened cans awaits Jim's pleasure. Dwight and Angela had Valentine's Day reservations at the nicest restaurant in Scranton, possibly in all of Pennsylvania, but now his appetite is ruined. The Minion on the label of the soup can smirks at Dwight and the camera shifts its depth of focus to reveal Jim wearing goggles and making the exact same smirk.
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Jan 12, 2023 13:32
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Jim tells Dwight that love is a chemical trick of the brain, a trick of evolution to propagate the species and a horrible mutation of our DNA that will lead to humanity's eventual destruction through our own egotistical sense of self-importance and need to feel love or some other sensation that will fill that void in its absence. "Each act of 'love', Dwight, is a hate crime upon the actual human race... on a long enough timeline." Dwight opens up his desk drawer and looks at the Valentine's gifts he'd bought for Angela and feels a deep sense of regret at the amount of waste he will create for simply wanting to give and receive love from another human being... He won't ever be able to enjoy any romantic time with Angela ever again, not after this. Meanwhile, Jim excuses himself to fly a private jet across country to take advantage of the Steak n Shake Happy Hour in another time zone to save half-off on a Sierra Mist.
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Jan 12, 2023 13:43
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Jim shows up to work in a t-shirt that says "COME AND TAKE IT!" with a picture of a gas stove underneath. Dwight, honestly curious, asks Jim why he's wearing the shirt. "Well, DWIGHT, maybe you haven't heard yet but the woke mob's coming for our gas stoves now. First I'm not allowed to use lightbulbs, now I'm supposed to get a new-fangled electric stove? When will the madness stop, Dwight? WHEN THE HELL WILL IT STOP?" Curious about Jim's logic, Dwight researches the story. He tells Jim, correctly, that no one is "coming to take" his stove. In fact, he'd be financially compensated for getting a new electric stove. And, from what Dwight can tell, a poorly ventilated gas stove can cause untold respiratory health issues. Jim, wheezing and coughing, just looks at Dwight with complete disdain in his face. "Okay, so now the government is trying to BRIBE ME to buy an electric stove? Wow, just... wow. If electric stoves were so good, they wouldn't need to bribe me! I'd want one all on my own. No thank you, I'll stick with the classic gas stove. We just made things a lot better back then!" Dwight sighs, then says that by that logic, Jim should just install a wood burning stove in his house, since those came before gas stoves. Jim is found dead of smoke inhalation the next day, laying next to his new wood burning stove.
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Jan 12, 2023 13:49
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Jim's monster (AKA "Prankenstein") explodes through the wall of Dunder Mifflin and demands they turn over Jim or be mercilessly pranked. In the confusion of the wall exploding, Jim hurriedly concealed himself in his filing cabinet disguise. Jim giggles as he watches Prankenstein's heinous pranks through the peepholes of the costume.
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Jan 12, 2023 14:00
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Jim sneaks into Dwight and Angela's house and shrinks all of Dwight's underwear by a tiny amount, just enough to make them uncomfortable. Dwight shows up to work the next day, seemingly without any discomfort. "Wow, Dwight, you look so calm. I'd be pretty TESTES if I was you, always juggling so many BALLS in the air. Penis." Dwight ignores this and continues work without any issue. In a talking head segment Angela explains that Dwight has been freeballing it for weeks.
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Jan 12, 2023 14:35
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John Krasinski wakes up in a cold sweat. “Honey, wake up, you won’t believe the dream I just had,” says John. Emily Blunt sits up and asks John about the dream. John tells her that he had this elaborate dream that he was the only sane paper salesman in a company of eccentric weirdos. There was the smarmy intern, the goofy boss, and even his wife, the receptionist. But most clearly of all, John can remember this bizarre character. As can often happen in dream logic, this person was both an odd, beet-crazed martinet, and yet also a strong, benevolent founder of beet-based energy and health solutions. “That’s it,” says Emily, “No more beets before bedtime for you!”
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Jan 12, 2023 14:38
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Rainnfall Heat Wave Rising Sea Levels Wilson aka Rainn Wilson wakes up in a cold sweat and turns to his wife, Holiday Reinhorn. He tells her about a terrible dream he had, where he wasn't in control of his own actions or even his own personality. Although it was just a dream, Rainn is left shaken by the idea that his own charity comes not from within, but from some outside force exerting influence on him. Some group of random and anonymous figures exerting so much mental force that the world is reshaped as they see fit. Is his adherence to the Baháʼí Faith his own decision? Or is it just something these strange figures believe he should follow? A faith that believes all religions have some value and that all humanity should be united as one people, why that sure sounds like something - "Like something Dwight might believe in?" asks Holiday. Rainn nods. "Well, would Dwight portray Doctor Demento in a Weird Al Yankovic mock biopic? Would Dwight be a climate change activist who released a free documentary to educate people? Would Dwight create an educational initiative to empower adolescent girls in Haiti?" Rainn, not wanting to scare his wife, lies and says that no, Dwight wouldn't do any of that. "There, see? You're your own person. Now come on, let's check on that baby eagle you found on the side of the road, the one you're nursing back to health." Rainn says he'll be right down, he just needs to make a quick stop in the bathroom. As he looks in the mirror he reflects on the other piece of his dream. John Krasinski was also there, also at the whim of these strange shadowy figures. But John, my God, the ideas they had for him. Rainn thinks he sees movement behind him in the mirror and turns around, but nothing is there. When he turns back around a single long hair is on the sink. Was it there before? Of course, it must have been. Holiday must have left it. But has her hair ever looked so... floppy... before?
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Jan 12, 2023 14:55
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Jim won't shut the gently caress up about the "Pissmaster" episode of Rick and Morty. "I AM PISSMASTER!" shrieks Jim at the top of his lungs as he blasts spray bottles of his own urine around the office. Elon Musk is so delighted by Jim's antics that he gives everyone in the office except Dwight the rest of the week off. Dwight was nursing a sick bluebird back to health in the kitchen and wasn't in Musk's line of sight so Musk forgot Dwight existed. Jim mugs for the camera as he hurries across the parking lot to his jalopy.
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Jan 12, 2023 14:59
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Applewhite posted:Jim won't shut the gently caress up about the "Pissmaster" episode of Rick and Morty. Dwight, left alone to his own devices, not only saves the bluebird but also completely turns around the company's fortunes, unfortunately saving Elon Musk's reputation as a businessman and restoring the idea that he's some kind of genius.
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Jan 12, 2023 15:06
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The misleading headline "Musk Saves Bluebird!" causes Twitter stock to skyrocket. Elon Musk mugs from the cover of Fortune Magazine. Jim mugs for the camera as Dwight is forced to endure Musk parading around the office with his new "cyber bird." While Dwight is distracted, Jim pulls a rope attached to the ceiling, dumping 300lbs of Skittles candy on Dwight's head.
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Jan 12, 2023 15:26
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"Oh wow, looks like the circus is in town!" Jim says with a laugh as Dwight steps into the office. Dwight assumes this is a rude comment about his new shirt (it's a slightly brighter shade of mustard yellow) and feels a pang of embarrassment. Jim mugs for the camera. In a talking head segment, Jim reveals that the circus actually is in town, he paid for a 3 ring circus to set up in Scranton for 4 months. "That way I can make that joke every day and not be lying. I know a circus probably won't make much money in Eastern Pennsylvania in the middle of winter, but I told them I'd pay for any lost revenue. It's a good investment."
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Jan 12, 2023 15:59
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Michael creates "Office Jeopardy", intending for it to be a fun team-building exercise. He even offers to donate $100 to a charity of the winner's choosing. "Can the charity be ourselves?" Jim asks with a grin. "Jim, the topics are going to be all about the office. Coworkers, places nearby, stuff we do together. You won't win, you cannot win. You can call yourself a charity, I don't care. I stopped caring a long time ago." Jim sits for a moment then says he's in, he can't wait to win Office Jeopardy. The day of the competition comes and Dwight and Phyllis are the other two contestants. Jim, however, is nowhere to be found. Michael says that Jim has 30 seconds to show up or else Stanley gets his spot. Michael begins dramatically counting down. When he reaches 3 seconds, Jim dramatically bursts into the room. "Ladies, gentlemen, and Dwight... I am pleased to announce that I will be having the GREAT James Holzhauer play in my stead, as I am currently nursing two painful thumb injuries. James, you're on, buddy!" Jim and James mug at each other and James steps up to the podium. He begins rapidly clicking the buzzer before any of the clues are even revealed while Jim hoots and hollers from his desk. A fun office game is ruined as Holzhauer aggressively bets and bounces around the board, getting every answer correct as he memorized a list of data that Jim provided from the confidential employee records. When Michael asks everyone for a fun anecdote about their lives, James says something about "loving to conquer the fallen" and looks at Dwight and Phyllis. Final Jeopardy's answer is revealed: THIS OFFICE EMPLOYEE RUINS EVERY SINGLE EVENT HE ATTENDS Dwight and Phyllis had 0 points and are not in final Jeopardy, so James wins by default. He writes "Who is Jim", which is obviously correct, and wins the money. Jim and James mug for an empty room as the rest of the office would rather go back to work than watch this farce.
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Jan 12, 2023 16:40
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jim performs a Foulness in dwight's morning coffee
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Jan 12, 2023 17:33
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Jim sits in his chair at home, depressed. Today he was going to delight the office with a classic "five turkeys" prank, but the farmer he sources turkeys from chased him away with his gun due to extreme credit deficiency. And it's not just that, yesterday when he performed his "hair of spinach" prank, nobody in the office laughed or batted an eye. Oscar even jeered at him, an honest to God jeer. He sighs. He's been trying so hard to help free his coworkers from their humdrum office lives, offer just a little respite in a bleak world. He's thrown his whole life into this, millions of dollars he didn't have, and for what? Nobody cares. Jim sighs again, dusts off his pants, and gives himself a pep talk in the mirror. Maybe they just don't understand yet. The walls his coworkers have built around themselves are strong, but they have to come down sometime. When the going gets tough, the tough get going, he decides, and heads into the office with a backup "soup of citrus" prank. Oscar screams at Jim for 10 minutes for ruining his lunch. "Pearls before swine, I guess," he shrugs.
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Jan 12, 2023 18:05
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Jim, disguised in a wizard's robe and beard, sits at the board meeting of Wizards of the Coast. "I bet we could make a lot more money if we retroactively revise the Open Gaming License so that all those freeloader systems have to start paying us," suggests Jim. The other board members, all dressed in wizards' robes, begin nodding and stroking their beards. Dwight's Pathfinder campaign is ruined.
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Jan 12, 2023 21:10
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Meredith must be taken to the hospital when the ceiling over her desk collapses under the weight of an entire bathtub full of caramel Jim had secreted there against the possibility that Dwight might one day stand directly beneath it.
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Jan 12, 2023 21:55
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A beginning is a very delicate time. Know then, that it is the third year of the reign of the Dunder-Mifflin Office Manager Michael Scott. In this time, the most precious events in the working day are pranks. Pranks kill time. Pranks deflate the ego. He who controls pranks, controls the office. Jim Halpert, who has been warped by years of pranking, uses pranks to develop prescience to know of Dwight's actions, and to extend his interactions with Pam. The pranks exist in only one office: Scranton. A desolate, dry office. The dwellers of that office have long held a prophecy, that a man would come, a messiah, who would lead them to true freedom from drudgery.
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Jan 12, 2023 22:10
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Applewhite posted:Meredith must be taken to the hospital when the ceiling over her desk collapses under the weight of an entire bathtub full of caramel Jim had secreted there against the possibility that Dwight might one day stand directly beneath it. I choose to believe he secreted the caramel from his caramel gland.
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Jan 12, 2023 22:12
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Considering Jim's diet, his entire body is a sort of caramel gland.
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Jan 12, 2023 22:14
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Jim calls Dwight "Balloon Boy" as a prank. Nobody in the office gets why this is supposed to be funny at first. But on second thought nobody gets it either. Erasable Penis fucked around with this message at 16:25 on Jan 26, 2023 |
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Jan 12, 2023 23:29
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Dwight takes a sip from a 64 ounce bottle of diet cranberry flavored Ocean Spray drink and gains the courage and strength to kick Jim three times in the face.
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Jan 13, 2023 00:04
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Jim calls Dwight "balloon boy" as a prank. Nobody in the office gets why this is supposed to be funny at first. Then Jim deploys Dwight's remote-activated balloon pants, making it appear as though Dwight has a huge butt. Jim mugs at the camera as a furious Dwight floats up toward the ceiling by his butt.
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Jan 13, 2023 00:40
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Jim interrupts Dwight’s recital to scream “I’m Pickle Rick!” Dwight is left forgotten as the auditorium is filled with cheers and laughter.
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Jan 13, 2023 01:17
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Jim breaks Dwight's precious Stradivarius violin on Kevin's head.
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Jan 13, 2023 01:53
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Jim walks past Dwight, who is playing a folk song on his six string guitar. Jim seizes the instrument and bashes it against the wall until it is utterly destroyed, then hands it back to Dwight with a shrug, saying “Sorry.”
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Jan 13, 2023 02:05
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Jim dresses up as Dwight and defiles Dwight's family shrine. Dwight's ancestors curse Dwight for dishonoring them.
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Jan 13, 2023 02:18
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| # ? May 30, 2024 15:23 |
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In the alternate Star Trek universe, Jim is of course a Q, a godlike being who could do anything, but loves pranks and tormenting people more than anything, and devotes his endless time to that. He finds it amusing. He goes by J though, and his incessant pranking annoys the other Q's so much, they cast him out of their society. Pranking randomly though the stars, he stumbled upon Captain Dwight. In his godlike eyes and rear end in a top hat brain, Captain Dwight is the perfect target to torment. So calm. So rational. So... Easy. Eventually Captain Dwight tires of this constant prankery and orders a depressed O'Brien to devise a solution to J's ability to teleport wherever he likes on his ship. O'Brien, eager for any excuse to escape his nagging wife Angela, gets to work immediately. With J being a god entity, there is no way to stop him completely, but O'Brien is able to set up the computer to immediately teleport J into space the moment he materializes himself. This of course cannot harm J, but it frustrates him to no end, and he eventually gives up, deciding instead to focus on the orphanage planet Orphanarium 12 for his next endless pranking. Pam, the booby empath who sits on the bridge in a skin suit because boobs remarks "I no longer sense his presence." Captain Dwight rolls his eyes. He just announced he had finally gotten rid of J over the ship PA. He makes a mental note to write to Starfleet that maybe boobs are not the sole credential for an officer.
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Jan 13, 2023 02:44
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