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Dwight wakes up and finds himself strapped to a metal table, a large mechanical tube perched menacingly above his head. He looks around and sees 7 tall, lanky figures clouded in shadows and mist moving around him. One of the figures steps closer and Dwight tries to scream in horror as the bulbous head, solid black eyes, and tiny slit of a mouth are revealed. However, Dwight finds himself completely paralyzed as if he were in a dream. He's unable to move at all and the only screams he can muster just echo through his mind. The figure extends a 3 fingered hand and Dwight sees it's holding something bladed, something like a pizza cutter with extra angles on it. The creature brings the tool towards Dwight's chest, and Dwight continues his silent screaming as the blade slices through flesh. Another creature steps closer and is nearly face to face with Dwight before it produces a thin, pen-like instrument made of something that looks like silver. It pushes the item up Dwight's left nostril, at which point Dwight mercifully passes out. Dwight, groggy and confused, comes to in a dewy beet field as the sun is beginning to rise. He's fully clothed, but his shirt is on backwards and the buttons are haphazardly re-buttoned, as if he was dressed in a hurry by someone who'd never seen a button up shirt before. Dwight stands up and feels a horrible pain in his groin. He sucks in air to let out a sigh of pain and his left nostril stings terribly when he does. Dwight quietly walks back into the house, crawls into bed without disturbing Angela, and then silently sits there until the alarm goes off 2 hours later. Utterly distracted all day, Dwight sleepwalks through work and doesn't even register the fact that Jim isn't pranking him. In fact, Jim is oddly distant, too. The day ends and Dwight, his thoughts still swimming, heads to the parking lot with Angela to get driven home. Jim catches up to him. "Hey, uh... hey, Dwight. Can we talk for a minute. Privately?" Dwight looks at Angela and nods, so she steps into the car and starts the engine. Jim walks over to Dwight and gets close. "Did... did it happen to you last night, too? I uh..." Jim's eyes are filling with tears now as he stumbles over his words, "I can't... I saw something. Dwight, they did stuff to me. And I-I-I think I saw you there, too. I think... oh God, I think they had us in a...a.... a medical room or.." Dwight embraces Jim in a hug and holds him close, telling him that he believes Jim and they'll get help on this together. Jim shudders for a moment, then slowly calms, but Dwight can still feel extreme stress radiating out of Jim right now. "Thanks, Dwight. Jesus, all the pranks just seem... kinda pointless right now. Once, y'know... that kinda thing happens. Dwight... were... were we abducted?" Dwight says he isn't sure what happened, but he knows that he has at least one friend to figure it out with. Jim smiles and shakes Dwight's hand, then lets him get in the car. "We'll talk later, buddy. We'll get through this together. Go home, spend time with your wife, and try to get a good night's sleep." Angela and Dwight drive off and Dwight and Jim wave at each other. Angela asks what the hell happened, and Dwight says he's not ready to share that with her yet. But, hopefully, he'll understand more soon enough. As the car heads over the horizon, Jim turns to the camera crew. "None of you caught ANYTHING last night? Nobody was filming my house? Or Dwight's?" The crew admits that no, due to recent budget cuts they've mostly just been filming at the office. In fact, public interest in the show was waning a bit and they might reduce the episode count for next season, meaning even less footage. "Can somebody set up a camera outside my house? I can't... I... God, I can't go through that again. They did something to me. Th-th-they put something inside of me, guys. They put a needle... well, nevermind. I just wish... I mean... you guys film EVERYTHING. And you missed this. gently caress. Sorry. Sorry, I know it's not your fault. But gently caress." The crew admits that no, they probably won't be able to set up a camera. The boom mic operator offers to spend the night and check things out, angering Jim. "Why, so you can gently caress my wife? Yeah, you think I don't know see that look in your eye, motherfucker? gently caress. Just... just forget it. Forget the whole thing. Don't show anybody this footage, okay? They already think I'm crazy or something, if I start talking about UFOs they'll make me look really bad. Jesus." Jim and Pam drive home in silence with Jim constantly glancing at the sky. When they get home, Pam asks if everything's okay, and Jim breaks down sobbing and curls up on the floor. "Pam, I think... I think maybe... oh God, I think I was... I think I was abducted. I think they did things to me and put things in me. Dwight was there, oh God, and I think they did things to him, too." "So you and Dwight were both abducted by aliens? And they implanted trackers or something?" "Pam, I don't know. It's all blurry but I think so. There's something in me, look at me. This cyst wasn't there before, was it? They probably put a microchip or... God, I don't know... but they put something in there. Me and Dwight, maybe others but I know the two of us for sure. One of the aliens... Jesus... one of the aliens looked at me with such... disdain. Like I was an annoying bug buzzing around his picnic. I was so scared but I couldn't move, I couldn't scream. The whole time they just... they..." Jim breaks down into incoherent mumbling at this point, his body shaking as he loudly sobs. Pam extends a hand to her husband and places it on his shoulder. "You're a real sick gently caress, Jim, you know that?" Jim looks up in shock. "I don't know what kind of prank you've got going here, but I'm done. Acting like you're traumatized? Then making up this sci-fi bullshit? gently caress you, Jim. I'm done. I'm taking the kids to my mom's house. We'll talk about this later, but I hope you just sign every piece of paperwork that comes your way, if you catch my drift." Jim begs Pam not to leave but it's no use, a marriage full of pranks has jaded her to his story. Within an hour she and the kids are both gone and Jim is left in an empty house as the darkness of the night slowly creeps in. Jim curls up on the couch cradling a baseball bat. No lights are on in the house. As a car drives by its headlights slowly creep up the wall, causing Jim to involuntary yelp in horror. He grabs a thick quilt and wraps it around himself like a cape, holding the bat a little bit tighter as he does. As he starts to finally drift off to sleep he hears light footsteps above him, coming from the bedroom he once shared with Pam. "No, oh God, no. Please. Please no." Something tall and dark then walks down the steps, followed by 5 more figures of similar build. They walk towards Jim, barely illuminated by the glow of the microwave clock. It's enough for Jim to realize these are the same figures from the night before, though. Enough for him to try and scream. But, just like the night before, his mouth seems paralyzed. He tries to move, tries desperately to swing his baseball bat. But it's no use. The lead figure extends a thing arm towards Jim and wraps a three-fingered hand around his mouth and nose. If anyone was watching the Halpert House at this moment they would have seen a quick flash of blue light in the living room. They might have thought a lightbulb burnt out, or perhaps someone quickly flicked a lightswitch on and off. But no one is watching the house, so no one sees Jim and his strange visitors disappear in a flash on light. No one sees Jim's final moments alive on Earth. Jim doesn't show up to work for a week and Pam finally decides to go check on him, telling herself that she needs to pick up a few things anyway. She steps into the living room and instantly smells a strange ozone-like odor that's permeated every surface. She looks around and notices random objects are out of place. Picture frames are upside down, knick knacks are out of order, electrical plugs are haphazardly strewn about. "Jeez, Jim, what the hell were you doing?" Pam's voice quivers as she says this, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable in the home she lived in for years. She walks in to the kitchen and finds the refrigerator door ajar with various food items strewn about, some of them on the floor. A fried egg sits on a shelf while a can of soda, coated in ice as if it's been in the freezer, sits on the floor. Pam shudders and quickly rushes out of the kitchen. She does a quick sweep of every room but finds no sign of Jim. She does not look in the bedroom closet, however. One of Jim's shirts is hanging there and she's pretty sure it's the shirt Jim was wearing when she moved out. As she leaves the house and locks the door behind her, one of the curtains in the bedroom window flutters and catches her attention. She does everything in her power not to look, however, and rushes back to the car. Jim is declared missing and, 7 years later, is declared legally dead. Dwight has terrible nightmares for years to come, most of them involving shadowy figures and medical procedures. He constantly wonders if the alien abduction was a prank of Jim's or something more. And, sadly, he is never able to tell Angela the full details of what he experienced. It is too odd and frightening a story and Dwight feels that only Jim would have been able to totally understand it. The Halpert House is sold a few months after Jim's disappearance, but the new inhabitants quickly move out, complaining about the loud airplanes that sometimes fly over the house. The Halpert House is not in any flight path. No known flight path, at least. Pam never remarries but remains a loving mother. When Cece wakes up screaming and crying about a monster in the closet, Pam quickly has all the closet doors in the house removed. She never puts them back, not even once her children are fully grown and have moved out.
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Feb 3, 2023 18:56
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 19:48 |
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A lot of good pranks these last few pages. Mostly mine but also some other people too
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Feb 3, 2023 19:07
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Jim grabs Dwight by his suspenders (Dwight is wearing suspenders), walks a mile away from him, and releases the suspenders.
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Feb 3, 2023 22:20
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Jim eats a bunch of balloons full of cocaine and pops them in his stomach whenever Dwight is trying to concentrate. Nobody notices anything is different about him until his heart finally gives out and he is rushed to the hospital.
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Feb 3, 2023 23:34
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Dwight shows up at work only to discover the office is now the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant.
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Feb 4, 2023 02:44
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Applewhite posted:Dwight shows up at work only to discover the office is now the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant. “Dwight!” Jim screeches over the clatter of pots and pans. “Get your rear end behind that wok! We have an order up; 2 orange chicken, 2 seafood delight, and an order of dumplings for the table! MOVE IT!” Dwight, always eager to please, quickly begins cooking. Kevin, carrying a large pot of dim sum, trips and spills it all over the kitchen floor. “YOU loving DONKEY!” Jim yells.
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Feb 4, 2023 17:26
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Jim reluctantly brings Dwight along for a game night playing Dominion with a group of friends who all learned to play together over several years. Dwight tries his best but his enthusiasm can't make up for his novice experience and gets trounced thoroughly for several rounds. Jim takes Dwight aside and tells him no one likes to play with him, and that he should get better or leave.
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Feb 4, 2023 17:44
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Jim starts calling Dwight "balloon boy" for seemingly no reason. Nobody understands why it's supposed to be funny until the FBI raids Dwight's house looking for evidence connecting Dwight to the Chinese spy balloon. Jim mugs for the Chinese spy camera.
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Feb 4, 2023 19:03
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Dwight wakes up at the bottom of a deep well. His hands are chained to the wall and a slow but steady trickle of water around his feet suggests he only has a few hours before the water rises above his head. Dwight sighs. "Here we go again!"
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Feb 5, 2023 01:34
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Applewhite posted:Dwight wakes up at the bottom of a deep well. His hands are chained to the wall and a slow but steady trickle of water around his feet suggests he only has a few hours before the water rises above his head. The Origami Killer mugs the Camera
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Feb 5, 2023 01:50
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Dwight arrives at work and sees a folded paper crane on his desk. When Dwight picks the crane up to examine it, the crane suddenly unfolds into Jim, who slaps Dwight hard across the face. "I've heard of The Caine Mutiny, but 'the crane mutiny??' Talk about a slap in the face!" Jim laughs.
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Feb 5, 2023 02:40
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Jim wanders the halls of the Scranton Municipal Mall and Foodenhaüs shouting "DWIGHT?! DWIIIIIIGHT" every few seconds. He's eventually hit by a truck driven by Meredith, who ends up in the hospital with several ruptured vertebrae. A mangled Jim mugs the sewer where Dwight has been chained.
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Feb 5, 2023 03:14
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Angela is worried, having not heard from Dwight nor received a morning Beetshake for several days now. Jim arrives to work to console her, wearing a power glove and a VR headset. "Don't worry, Angela, My Cybergear will help us track the criminal responsible". In the closet, Jim snorts some eDrugs (airplane glue and paper shavings). A visibly hosed up Jim bursts into the room Angela was crying in shouting "Oh poo poo are you SEEING this poo poo? Hi little Jim's! Let's go find Dwight! No, no, no... She can't know. She can never know" Jim clips through the window and takes off into the cold streets, tiny Jim's at his feet.
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Feb 5, 2023 03:22
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Jim travels back in time and kills and then replaces the lead of every single of one of Dwight's favorite childhood films with himself in a disguise. Despite his efforts, the films aren't ruined and they are still Dwight's favorite childhood films. This results in a horrible cycle getting repeated as each alternate timeline Jim repeats this plan, creating a closed-time loop of murder-suicide of himself. "I heard about repeating yours---" Jim #2994 says, before being cut off by Jim #2995's gunshot. #2995 picks up a fake mustache and puts it on. "I heard about repeating a joke, but this is---" Jim #2995 is shot dead by Jim #2996, who pulls the fake mustache off of #2995 and puts it on. "I heard about a repeat performance, but this---" Jim #2997 shoots #2996 dead before he can finish adjusting the mustache, and put it on...
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Feb 5, 2023 03:24
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Jim shouts "Foodfight!" And propels a 25 pound Butterball Frozen turkey at Dwight's neck.
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Feb 5, 2023 03:54
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Jim yells "Foodfight!", and forces everyone to watch the computer animated film.
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Feb 5, 2023 04:45
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JediTalentAgent posted:Jim yells "Foodfight!", and forces everyone to watch the computer animated film. The computer animated film they proceed to watch, incongruously, is the 2011 “classic” Mars Needs Moms.
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Feb 5, 2023 04:48
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Michael replaced the Mars Needs Moms DVD with a Muzzy in Gondoland DVD.
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Feb 5, 2023 05:00
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Dwight opens one of the drawers in his desk and is shocked to find it filled with human piss. An inspection of the remaining drawers reveals that they are also filled to the brim with human urine. Jim, who is chugging from a 15 liter water cooler container, mugs wetly for the camera.
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Feb 5, 2023 05:16
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Jim tries to do a Fight Club parody called "Prank Club" but can't think of anything for the First Rule of Prank Club so he just pours urinal cake powder onto the back of Dwight's hand and calls it a day (Jim's lye supplier having been detained by Romanian police).
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Feb 5, 2023 05:17
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Dwight opens one of the drawers in his desk and is shocked to find it filled with non-human piss.
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Feb 5, 2023 05:18
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Jim starts calling Dwight "Davis," which is not his name.
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Feb 5, 2023 05:18
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Dwight fails to realize that Jim is just goofing him when Jim says his favorite Simpsons episodes are from 2002
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Feb 5, 2023 05:28
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Jim starts calling Dwight, "Whitey". The nickname sticks, and in time everyone starts referring to Dwight as Whitey. He hates that name. When Dwight finally dies, he's immortalized as "Whitey Schrute" on his tombstone and obituary. When Dwight approaches the pearly gates, St. Peter reviews the list and finds no "Whitey Schrute" listed, nor can Hell find such a person. Dwight attempts to plead his case to both, begging them to see if Dwight Schrute is listed, but they scoff that he'd try to pass himself off as the legendary Dwight Schrute. With no other option, Dwight is relegated as a lost soul, doomed to wander the Earth until Judgment Day. They say at night you can find his spectral apparition fruitlessly attempting to claw at his own tombstone, for some unknown reason. In the dark of night, people who report seeing him in flashes can hear him announcing himself in an echoing moan: "The White! The White! My name is The White!" His pale form haunts Scranton, further cementing his identity as Whitey the Ghost in local folklore. A Jim-o-Lantern sits with a mugging expression carved into its face.
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Feb 5, 2023 05:41
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Jim walks up to the microwave and says, “Piss. Earl Grey. Hot.” After a few seconds, the microwave dings and Jim pulls out a steaming cup filled to the brim with a urine sample from an English Lord. Oscar silently weeps while looking directly at the camera, a completely broken man.
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Feb 5, 2023 05:49
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Jim is so excited to that he finally gets to meet his idol, the legendary Prancules! The man who inspired him from his earliest memory to become a prankster! It took him weeks, but he finally got Prancules to make an appearance in Scranton! Dwight announces that he's going to be taking a vacation day to avoid interacting with Jim and Jim's idol that day, to which even Jim understands. Jim waits around all day for Prancules to arrive at the office, he's been talking about it for weeks. But the day begins to wind down and Prancules doesn't show. Jim begins to feel a fool and try as he might to justify it as "The legendary Prancules strikes again!", he says it while choking back his tears. Pam can see how distraught Jim is and goes so far as to call Dwight, "Could you maybe put on a beard and a costume and pretend to be Prancules? All you have to do is drive by and wave, honk your horn, maybe hit Michael with your car. Maybe hit Jim with your car. Maybe run yourself over. I mean, any of those will make Jim happy. It'd make me happy, too, if you get my meaning..." "I can't see you arching your eyebrow through the phone, Pam," Dwight sighs. "Jim needs to settle this for himself. Here's what I'll do: I'll see if I can hunt the guy down if that helps. Alright? He can't be that hard to find..." The office tries to comfort Jim as best they can, offering to take him out for drinks, letting him prank them, but he dejectedly says he just wants to be alone. Pam lets Jim know that even Dwight's on the case. Back at the Farm, Prancules is strapped to a table as Dwight rolls out his collection of knives.
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Feb 5, 2023 07:02
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The next day Dwight comforts Jim telling him he's the world's greatest living prankster as far as Dwight's concerned.
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Feb 5, 2023 07:10
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jim walks a mile in dwight's shoes. jim is now a mile away from dwight and has his (dwight's) shoes.
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Feb 5, 2023 07:22
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Turpitude II posted:jim walks a mile in dwight's shoes. jim is now a mile away from dwight and has his (dwight's) shoes. When Jim gives back Dwight's shoes, Dwight finds the shoes aggressively squeaky.
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Feb 5, 2023 14:38
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To increase his pranking power, Jim trains in the Himalayas with an ancient order of pranking monks, but the monks train Jim wrong as a joke.
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Feb 5, 2023 15:34
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Dwight wakes up one day to find himself stranded on a raft in the middle of a vast open ocean, a shark circling the raft as the sun beats down. He sighs and breaks off a plank of his makeshift raft and starts rowing. Jim mugs for his GoPro in his homemade shark sub.
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Feb 5, 2023 16:29
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Applewhite posted:To increase his pranking power, Jim trains in the Himalayas with an ancient order of pranking monks, but the monks train Jim wrong as a joke. “Hey, Dwight! Ready to see what I learned during my extreme training?” Dwight, who has no clue what Jim’s been up to for weeks, just looks at him. Jim starts flailing his arms wildly and without purpose, but he believes he’s summoning a powerful pranking spirit to augment his own power. Instead, he ends up slapping himself in the face so hard he knocks himself out. Dwight hears giggling in the corner and sees a man with a shaved head giggling. When he makes eye contact with Dwight he mugs for the camera.
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Feb 5, 2023 17:12
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mind the walrus posted:Jim reluctantly brings Dwight along for a game night playing Dominion with a group of friends who all learned to play together over several years. Dwight tries his best but his enthusiasm can't make up for his novice experience and gets trounced thoroughly for several rounds. Jim takes Dwight aside and tells him no one likes to play with him, and that he should get better or leave. Jim continues to turn posts from the r/relationships thread into pranks. Dwight doesn't catch on until Jim threatens divorce when he (Dwight) suggests he (Jim) do at least one chore around the house and consider at least trying to wipe his rear end.
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Feb 5, 2023 19:23
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Jim tests out his pranks in Minecraft Creative Mode before attempting them in real life. Dwight wakes up to find his house encased in cobblestone.
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Feb 5, 2023 19:35
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Jim sets a new high score on Pac-man at the Scranton Funtime Arcade, then gloats for months about how that makes him “a real man, unlike Dwight”. Dwight endures this until, one day, Jim gets too big for his britches and starts really tearing into Dwight. “Why, I bet Dwight loves playing Ms. Pac-man,” Jim says while putting on a new pair of britches. “Yup, it takes a real man to set a score on a MAN’s game like Pac-man.” Fed up at last, Dwight explains that Ms. Pac-man is the superior game and he could easily beat Jim’s score. He didn’t, however, because he felt like Jim “needed one thing he was good at.” Jim breaks down crying and runs out of the office. “Jesus, Dwight,” says a stunned Meredith. “Did you have to be so harsh on him?” Dwight rushes to catch up to Jim, only to find him standing on the ledge of a building. “Wakka wakka, Dwight. I guess… I guess, if I can’t be Pac-man, then I’ll just have to be the ghost.” With that, Jim leaps off the building and splats on the ground. His funeral is a sad, closed casket affair. Dwight cries himself to sleep, convinced that he drove Jim to this fate. When he wakes up in the morning, he heads downstairs to pour himself a bowl of cereal for breakfast. As he opens the refrigerator door, a figure in an orange sheet bursts forth. Dwight screams as the figure runs around the room, then leaps out the window and runs across the beet field, jutting around in a seemingly random pattern. Dwight smiles as the figure navigates the maze of beets, randomly turning back around and shooting down dead ends.
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Feb 5, 2023 23:18
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Distubed by Jim's shirtlessness, the painful whimpering, and the blood everywhere, the office calls an emergency HR meeting with Toby to end this bizarre and disturbing spectacle. Toby consults his employee religion affiliation spreadsheets and shakes his head sadly. "I'm sorry, but we can't do anything about this guys. He registered himself as Jesuit and self flagellation is part of his devotion. We just have to accept our differences." Jim continues to whimper each time he flails himself. Dwight sighs and reaches for his handkerchief to clean his face of Jim Blood, using which he now calls the fabric item used for this his "blood-kerchief". The world has gone mad with this PC nonsense.
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Feb 5, 2023 23:43
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Jim's jims so hard, Dwight's Jim goes limp and can't get puffy again. Dwight's slippery Jim jims for the camera. In the cat dimension, clammy Jim jims toward the camera so hard that Jim's miniJim needs more oxygen.
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Feb 6, 2023 00:49
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Jim replaces Dwight’s metamucil with urinal cake powder. Dwight realizes something is wrong the next time he opens the container, and throws it out
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Feb 6, 2023 00:54
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Jim spends thousands of dollars tracking down each of Dwight’s past girlfriends and sexual partners to learn about embarrassing incidents. He then uses these incidents to construct a three act musical. Jim casts Michael and Andy as the two leads (with Andy playing Dwight’s penis), and invites Dwight to opening night.
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Feb 6, 2023 01:25
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 19:48 |
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Jim invites Dwight to go for a ride in his homemade shark sub. Dwight wisely refuses. Jim shrugs and boards the sub alone. The homemade submarine sales a few hundred yards and vanishes beneath the waves. Dwight only discovers later that Jim took Dwight's car keys with him in the sub and now Dwight is stranded at the beach. Jim is never seen again.
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Feb 6, 2023 01:52
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