|
try spraying lava everywhere from the mouth of the horrific demon-spider abomination that comprises your lower body
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 02:41
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 24, 2024 07:01 |
|
|
Chrs posted:A guy I knew in college bought pop off buttons and would pop off his top button when he was with women to make it look like his pecs were just too big for his polo shirt lol Lol
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 04:25
|
|
|
Yes, but did you know that the origin of the word ....
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 04:36
|
|
|
Let me name off every pokemon in numerical order
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 05:24
|
|
|
as a feminist, i thought i'd offer you the opportunity to pick up the check
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 05:25
|
|
|
Mozi posted:as a feminist, i thought i'd offer you the opportunity to pick up the check If you could remove the phallus from your ears (I am a feminist) you could hear me sing a song that was *very* popular the year you were born. If you aren't impressed by that, I can replace the microphone with a gun and put that in my mouth instead. Aren't we all having fun?
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 05:33
|
|
|
what?
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 05:37
|
|
|
Don't worry about it, I'm some kind if superstar. My dazzle occasionally razzles some people.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 05:41
|
|
|
I inflate my throat pouch and begin thrumming loudly.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 07:08
|
|
|
call her the wrong name intentionally, as a power move
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 07:42
|
|
|
A subtle fourth wolf on my t-shirt
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 09:36
|
|
|
Before the date, eat large quantities of foods that make you fart. Take the lucky woman or man or whatever to a nice restaurant. Mexican might be good. Once there, order the most fart inducing main course for yourself. Break wind constantly and very audibly like a loving champion. Go to the toilet multiple times, not to poo poo or fart there, but as a ploy to carpet bomb the other diners. With luck you'll be thrown out of the restaurant and not haave to pay the bill. Keep asking your date if they find farts sexually arousing, and suggest you both go back to your place. If they're amenable to those suggestions, when home eat more fart-inducing foods before doing the deed with your pervert date.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 13:05
|
|
|
I'd watch a dating show where contestants eat a taco bell 10 pack and chug a liter of apple juice beforehand.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 14:03
|
|
|
You look amazing by the way. You could totally do vomit porn any day.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 14:18
|
|
|
*pulls out phone, swipes around* Check that out. That's 120hz. Twice as many as your phone. It's sooo much smoother! What do you mean you can't tell the difference??
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 15:23
|
|
|
Oh excuse me, I dropped my Extended Duration condoms I use for my adequate penis
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 15:26
|
|
|
*climbing near vertical upper deck stairs* I've spared no expense for this! Here, you might need this. *hands date a used tissue and binoculars*
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 15:47
|
|
|
I skip showering so my natural pheromones will trick her brain into liking me
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 17:44
|
|
|
Rock out with your cock out
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 18:25
|
|
|
using animated discord emotes in dms
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 19:45
|
|
|
Write a wikipedia article about the date during the date. They'll put in extra effort if they know it's all going to the web
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 19:51
|
|
|
Print out a collection of your best memes
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 19:51
|
|
|
Name a JPop song and I know all the dance moves they do.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 20:11
|
|
|
The nice thing about my age is all I really have to do is give them $200 and let them smoke some of my meth. Much easier than old style dating.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 20:21
|
|
|
Icochet posted:Write a wikipedia article about the date during the date. They'll put in extra effort if they know it's all going to the web I'm at the next table over and keep reverting your attempts to remove the incredibly disturbing "Criminal History" section I just made up, sabotaging your attempts to impress, and making your date scared. I then inflate my own massive throat pouch and thrum extremely impressively to gain their notice. It's clear I am strong and healthy, and can provide protection. I steal their date. They start to whine about it but I make myself look bigger and beat my chest, and make bluff charges at them until they scurry off, further establishing my dominance and better fitness as a mate and leader.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 20:37
|
|
|
See those notches on my bedpost? Those are for each cow that I've eaten. Snout to tail, not a piece wasted!
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 22:06
|
|
|
Buttchocks posted:See those notches on my bedpost? Those are for each cow that I've eaten. Snout to tail, not a piece wasted! "Now, tell me dear. How well can you moo?"
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 22:09
|
|
|
bet you couldn't even tell this was a toupee, could you?
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 22:17
|
|
|
Mozi posted:bet you couldn't even tell this was a toupee, could you? "It's actually called a merkin"
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 22:26
|
|
|
Slip the waiter a $50 to poison every other table's drink. Your date will love the intimacy and romance of having the entire McDonald's to yourselves.
|
|
#
?
Feb 12, 2023 22:38
|
|
|
order a sandwich with grey poupon
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2023 03:51
|
|
|
Gonna ask my date about their job. After they get a couple of sentences in, I will interrupt them to tell them, in great detail, how they should actually be doing their job. I plan on making them pay because I am an up-and-coming twitch streamer. I mean, sure 5 followers is low, but i have to start somewhere right? I’ve been doing this job for a year. Oh, down to 3. in real life, i don’t actually know anything about twitch, so “followers” may be the wrong word
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2023 21:24
|
|
|
Shrekfest. Shrekfest. We're going to Shrekfest.
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2023 21:35
|
|
|
and you want to know the real secret? you shred the cheese before you fry the sandwich
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2023 21:40
|
|
|
Tear down Nazi propaganda, piss on a graveyard, use the words "Harry Potter Slash Vore Fiction" in a sentence. We've been together two years in April.
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2023 21:44
|
|
|
I try to impress her with pushups but I collapse on my stomach because I have a bum shoulder
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2023 21:46
|
|
|
Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:Shrekfest. Shrekfest. We're going to Shrekfest. skeetfest
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2023 21:49
|
|
|
I have a job, a car, and I don’t live with my mom (c.2009)
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2023 21:57
|
|
|
Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:Shrekfest. Shrekfest. We're going to Shrekfest. All you can eat Shrek 
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2023 22:29
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 24, 2024 07:01 |
|
|
Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:Shrekfest. Shrekfest. We're going to Shrekfest. You joke but 
|
|
#
?
Feb 13, 2023 22:31
|
|