r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

mind the walrus posted:

At 40 there is no way you don't know that's a terrible loving thing to do to a young woman. Did the OP kill her dog or something? I wouldn't do that to some of my worst enemies and I really loving hate my worst enemies.

I was just thinking about how the living history group I joined a few years ago actually talks about people at events being creepy and inappropriate, while I never heard that in my seven or so years of being very involved with my last living history group. It would have been nice to have someone talking about it while I was experiencing it! The average age of my current group is about thirty years younger than that of my previous one. I think there are a lot of older people who file this under "Boys will be boys even when they're in their fifties" or think that an older man hitting on a younger woman is a compliment or cute. However, as a commenter said,

quote:

you definitely have to be a special kind of stupid to make it to 40 years old as a woman, working as a truck stop diner in texas, and not have at least a little wisdom or sense of awareness regarding the dangers of strange men

the holy poopacy posted:

It's complicated. Many sexual harassers will deliberately target women that are perceived to be less attractive, partly because they can rationalize it as doing a nice thing for a woman who presumably doesn't get as much male attention as she would want and partly because they are seen as easier targets (because in this worldview more conventionally attractive = higher status = more likely to be "claimed" by a higher-status man.)

This feels very true. Older guys used to . . . not quite hit on me, but see me as someone who was young and cute (NOT pretty) and who would be impressed by their telling her about the time period she was portraying, because clearly being dressed for an event where you're educating the public means you know less than they do. George Orwell wrote about this in A Clergyman's Daughter:

quote:

Of course, she had had her share, and rather more than her share, of casual attention from men. She was just pretty enough, and just plain enough, to be the kind of girl that men habitually pester. For when a man wants a little casual amusement, he usually picks out a girl who is not too pretty. Pretty girls (so he reasons) are spoilt and therefore capricious; but plain girls are easy game. And even if you are a clergyman's daughter, even if you live in a town like Knype Hill and spend almost your entire life in parish work, you don't altogether escape pursuit. Dorothy was all too used to it�all too used to the fattish middle-aged men, with their fishily hopeful eyes, who slowed down their cars when you passed them on the road, or who manoeuvred an introduction and then began pinching your elbow about ten minutes afterwards. Men of all descriptions. Even a clergyman, on one occasion�a bishop's chaplain, he was...

Ugh.

Content: (sorry this has abuse in it, you can punish me if you want, it's largely for the way it's described and for the response)

quote:

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for five years, with two children. I have been putting my hands on her in such a bad way that she's saying we are no longer a family and she wants a divorce. I need my wife and children back. It hurts me to stay away.

I'm currently going to church and Sunday school and Bible study. I have been praying many hours these past few weeks, and it is helping me. I will do anything and everything I can to get my family back because I don't want to lose them. What can I do to get them back? -- LEARNING A LESSON IN NEVADA

DEAR LEARNING: A good first step would be for you to gain some insight about what triggers you to act out violently. Was physical abuse an example that was set by your parents? Does it happen because you have a substance abuse problem? A course in anger management could help you break this destructive pattern. Search online for a program near you. After that, if your wife sees you are making a sincere effort, she may trust you enough to risk reuniting. A warning, however: Do not pressure her. This will have to be her decision.

Jesus Christ, Abby . . .

# ? Feb 25, 2023 17:50

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# ? May 30, 2024 01:08

mycelia: Apr 28, 2013; POWERFUL FUNGAL LORD

What utopia is this where there's more than one wheelchair spot on the bus for them to move to???

# ? Feb 25, 2023 17:51

B-Rock452: Jan 6, 2005

CannonFodder posted:

I've never made that connection before. I knew "Never let a cop inside your domicile without a warrant" but I didn't connect it to vampires. It makes so much sense now. Thank you.

It's not true, just cause you invite a cop in doesn't mean he can search. Anything plain view is open season but you can also immediately withdraw consent if he starts poking around

# ? Feb 25, 2023 17:53

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

B-Rock452 posted:

It's not true, just cause you invite a cop in doesn't mean he can search. Anything plain view is open season but you can also immediately withdraw consent if he starts poking around

Cops, famous for knowing and respecting the law

# ? Feb 25, 2023 17:59

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

All Cops Are Busybodies

# ? Feb 25, 2023 18:07

AKA Pseudonym: May 16, 2004; A dashing and sophisticated young man; Doctor Rope

How is the wheelchair preventing them from sitting together? It's obviously not taking up a spot.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 18:23

Kaewan: May 29, 2008

Some buses have fold up seats where you park a wheel chair.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 18:27

run on sentience: Mar 22, 2022

AKA Pseudonym posted:

How is the wheelchair preventing them from sitting together? It's obviously not taking up a spot.

On most buses, you have to fold 2-3 seats up to make a space for a wheelchair. I don't know where the gently caress else she thinks this wheelchair is going to move to because there is usually only space for one, maybe two wheelchairs on a bus.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 18:30

ReelBigLizard: Feb 27, 2003; Fallen Rib

The local ones only take up 1-2 seats and the space also usually has handles and a back rest to stabilise the chair in case the bus lurches, it's the only place on the bus the chair is properly secured.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 18:44

Actias: Oct 9, 2012

Some peak

from the New York Times:

My Friend Is Dating a Murderer. Should I Do Anything About It?

quote:

I have a childhood friend who recently moved into my home. Everything has been going well, except she is dating an inmate who was convicted of murdering one of his family members. This inmate is somebody we knew when we were younger; our friend group was very affected by the murder. I have my own personal trauma with the inmate, and I know my roommate does as well. He is really not a great guy. But my roommate is convinced the inmate has changed. She tells me details about their relationship, as friends do. It�s clear to me he hasn�t changed much. I avoid talking about him as much as possible and change the subject if he is brought up. Although he still has 11 years left on his sentence, he is trying to appeal for a lesser term. I am hopeful their relationship will end before he is released. Otherwise, I fear for her safety; I can see the red flags every day. What do I do to help? My family tells me that if I try to talk to her about it, I will just push her away. But I�m having a hard time just standing by. � Name Withheld

quote:

From the Ethicist:
A relationship that takes place while one party is in prison doesn�t tell you very much about what things will be like once that partner has been released. Physical violence can�t occur when two people are meeting only under supervision, and the incarcerated partner has a strong incentive to behave well in order to maintain a relationship that may be one of the few positive elements in his life. Nor can I judge whether this man would pose a danger to your friend once he has been released. You haven�t said anything about what you think the �red flags� are, beyond your opinion (not shared by your roommate, who surely knows him better than you do) that he�s not much changed.

Still, to go by the available research, men are much less likely to commit violent crimes in middle age than in their youth. In fact, a study of recidivism rates for people paroled from life sentences in California between 1995 and 2011 found that only 0.6 percent of parolees were later convicted of felonies, none of them for murder. Absent specific information, then, I would say that the risks here may be less substantial than you fear. And this inmate won�t be released early if a parole board thinks he poses a significant danger.

A separate issue is how you and your friends would feel if your roommate asked you to accept the presence of someone who caused all of you enormous distress, even if it was many years ago. It would take a special effort on your part to reconcile with him, and it would be a lot for your roommate to ask. And yet forgiveness, even if partial and provisional, is a worthwhile aim. Convey your concerns, in a supportive way, but try to be open as well to her views. A world without second chances is a dismal one for offenders who have served their sentences. The best outcome for the formerly incarcerated is to be reintegrated as law-abiding citizens and having a loving partner makes this more likely. Whether maintaining the relationship is what�s best for her is ultimately something she�ll have to decide for herself.

You, personally, are responsible for the challenges faced by all formerly incarcerated people if you're not totally cool with your roommate dating a guy who murdered someone you knew!

# ? Feb 25, 2023 18:47

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Actias posted:

Some peak from the New York Times:

My Friend Is Dating a Murderer. Should I Do Anything About It?

You, personally, are responsible for the challenges faced by all formerly incarcerated people if you're not totally cool with your roommate dating a guy who murdered someone you knew!

Ugh, I don't think I could handle that. Wanting society in general to give better chances for someone to reform feels very different than asking somebody to accept a murderer with that specific of a tie into their life on a potentially pretty deep level. I really wanted to see the reader feedback on that one, but it looks like they wait to print them until the next column.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 18:58

AreWeDrunkYet: Jul 8, 2006

�Best wishes, but I can�t be personally involved� is the best answer sometimes.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 19:19

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

you definitely have to be a special kind of stupid to make it to 40 years old as a woman, working as a truck stop diner in texas, and not have at least a little wisdom or sense of awareness regarding the dangers of strange men

I think it is less stupidity than crab bucketing

# ? Feb 25, 2023 19:33

Blue Moonlight: Apr 28, 2005; Bitter and Sarcastic

AreWeDrunkYet posted:

Maybe I'm just showing my age, but I was taught to separate colors and whites too. At some point I can't recall I stopped caring, and it has never made a difference. What changed? Do clothes use different dyes now, are detergents less likely to leach colors, are we washing clothes at lower temperatures, are washing machines not as abrasive?

I remember giving up on it at some point in college when I didn�t have enough quarters, washed it all together, and realized nothing bad happened.

I�ll still usually make sure heavy dyed fabrics get a first run with like items, but after that, it all goes together.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 19:39

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

As another child of neglect I was patronizingly told to just put it all in one wash once I started washing my own clothes with no explanation beyond "it doesn't matter." I spent the first year or so very, very afraid that I was lucking out before realizing that garment, washing, and detergent technology had gotten actually better and there was no formal source to just tell me.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 19:56

The Butcher: Apr 20, 2005; Well, at least we tried.; Nap Ghost

Pope Corky the IX posted:

I mean, I don�t think there are many situations in which I�d ask a disabled person to move unless there was a fire or something. Maybe she could set the kid on fire?

Excuse me sir, but could you please wheel away somewhere else? My fire wants to sit there. Also over there. And up there.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 20:04

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Everything goes in the washer at 40C like the Dark Lord intended.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 20:04

Kitfox88: Aug 21, 2007; Anybody lose their glasses?

If I turn our washer above tap cold it gets poo poo up and we need to do some irritating rear end factory reset bullshit for some reason so I wash em cold. :argh:

# ? Feb 25, 2023 20:09

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

I'm relieved that other people don't separate their wash; I'd always tagged it as me being slovenly. I do religiously use Shout Color Catchers, pieces of treated fabric-like that you toss in the washer with the load. They pick up errant dye where it exists; I do occasionally have one come out bright red (washed a flannel garment for the first time) or a jeans-like blue.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 20:14

Bruceski: Aug 21, 2007; The tools of a hero mean nothing without a solid core.

Blue Moonlight posted:

I�ll still usually make sure heavy dyed fabrics get a first run with like items, but after that, it all goes together.

That's what I was taught as well, wash things alone a few times until they're done shrinking and you know what the dye does, then it's fine. I keep a glass by the washer for this, because you can't look into a washing machine full of blue jeans and tell if the water's actually blue.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 20:47

Malcolm Excellent: May 20, 2007; Buglord

I wash my work clothes on cool dark, my wife's on cool lights, and my other stuff on normal

# ? Feb 25, 2023 20:51

wizardofloneliness: Dec 30, 2008

If the girlfriend put in a bunch of mixed materials at once, like wool, delicates, and standard cotton/poly blends, he would be totally justified in getting pissed and demanding money because that can actually damage your clothes. But for lights and darks, who gives a poo poo. The only way it could possibly be as bad as he�s actually saying is if he just happened to have a bunch of brand new heavily dyed items that all got tossed in.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 20:58

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

i seperate out reds because i dyed some stuff pink once

# ? Feb 25, 2023 21:04

Nae: Sep 3, 2020; what.

Separating is super important whenever neons come into style, because the dye they use in those bleeds like nothing you�ve ever seen in your life.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 21:26

Bruceski: Aug 21, 2007; The tools of a hero mean nothing without a solid core.

Nae posted:

Separating is super important whenever neons come into style, because the dye they use in those bleeds like nothing you�ve ever seen in your life.

Yeah, it really depends on the dye. Blue jeans are either fine or bleed like crazy the first couple of washes, and something about red dyes that get used bleeds easily as well. I've never had an orange shirt bleed, for example. I think for neons they also use a lot of dye to make it so vibrant, so materials get oversaturated, but that's mostly guesswork.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 21:59

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

I just only buy a single color of clothing. Makes things easy.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 22:33

Clocks: Oct 2, 2007

I was also taught to do whites & colors but mostly don't bother. I recommend looking into "color catchers" which catch errant dye, and I recommend rinsing new jeans separately (or other clothing, even) to get the first dye to run off. But other than that I haven't had issues. Obviously though some care is still required for certain items, and some things are easy to gently caress up so it's probably best to just dry clean them.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 22:37

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

my housemate dyed all his jeans black using my washing machine and didnt tell me

my poor clothes....

AITA for invading someone�s personal space?

quote:

Not a serious or life altering situation. For context, I (33f) live in the UK. We have quiet sections on trains and I booked my ticket specifically so I could do work on a table in the quiet section on my laptop. My friend Lea (34f) sat opposite me.

A man (40s/50s) was sat next to me and about 15 minutes into the journey, starts watching Friends out loud on his iPad. I put my headphones in but it was loud enough that I could still hear it. My friend and the person sat next to her were just giving him dirty looks, but he was oblivious and munching away on his sandwich.

So I said: �excuse me, would you mind turning that down just a little bit please?� He said no. Literally one word, no. Then I mentioned that it was the quiet section of the train and he laughed at me and said �are you go gonna tell on me?�

It was so bizarre and annoying, but my friend just gestured for me to stay calm and leave it. So I closed my laptop and started watching with him. And commenting.

�Omg I love this bit!� �Watch the next part, it�s soooooo funny.� �Oh, is this the one where X happens?� I�m not a massive friends fan but I know enough to get by.

He didn�t respond, just kept giving me irritated looks but I kept going. He moved the iPad from the table to his lap, without turning the volume lower at any point. So I just carried on peering over his shoulder and commenting. He finally slammed the iPad case shut, grabbed his backpack and walked off, presumably to find another seat on the train.

I opened my laptop and carried on working. After we got off, Lea said I should�ve just left it and not reacted to him, but it was a 4hr journey and I had a lot to do. I paid extra to get a table seat, that too in the quiet section. She said I could have offered him my headphones. Maybe if they were over-ear, but they�re in-ear and he�s a stranger so, no.

She said I kind of invaded his personal space � I didn�t touch him or move from the confines of my seat at any point and she was like no but watching someone�s iPad is an rear end in a top hat move. We�re not in a fight, just a lighthearted debate on whether or not I�m TA here for how I went about it.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 22:44

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

AITA for getting a guy rejected from college after he harassed me?

quote:

Throwaway account for obvious reasons.

Background: I (30f) am a professor at a prestigious university, and I am involved in the admissions process for some of our programs. This year, I was tasked with conducting some interviews for a highly selective graduate program in my field. I take this responsibility very seriously, and I always try to make the process as fair and informative as possible.

The incident: A few weeks ago, I interviewed a male candidate for the program. Let's call him Jack. Jack had a strong academic record, and his application materials were impressive. During the interview, we talked about his interests, his background, and his goals. I was enjoying the conversation, and I felt like Jack was a good fit for the program. I found myself laughing at some of his jokes, and the conversation went beyond academics—we were sharing about our lives and travels and interests.

However, towards the end of the interview, Jack made a comment that made me feel uncomfortable. He said, "You're so pretty," and leaned in towards me as if he wanted to kiss me. I was caught off guard, and I immediately backed away and said, "This is really inappropriate, I'm sorry." Jack apologized and said he didn't mean to offend me, but I could tell that he was embarrassed and regretful.

After the interview, I wrote a report on Jack's candidacy, as I do for all the candidates I interview. In the report, I mentioned the incident and explained that Jack's behavior was unacceptable and would not be tolerated at our university. I also expressed my concern that Jack's attitude towards women might affect his ability to work and learn in a respectful and collaborative environment.

A few days later, I received a message from the admissions office informing me that Jack had been rejected from the program, and that they took his inappropriate behavior very seriously. They informed me that they forwarded my report to the Title IX office, and that Jack will be barred from the university campus indefinitely pending a thorough investigation, and that they will bar him from reapplying in the future.

The aftermath: A week later, Jack's father showed up at my office and ranted at me, calling me a “bitch” and a “prude” and saying I ruined his son’s bright future. I called campus police and they had him removed, he’s now barred from our campus. I’m in the process of getting a restraining order against him from the court. I’m literally staying at my sisters’ place right now because I’m afraid for my safety.

But this whole debacle has got me thinking. Did I go too far in reporting the inappropriate incident to the admissions office? Was it just a little mistake that shouldn’t have sunk his future? Or was I right in getting him rejected from our program, because he could have behaved inappropriately towards other women here?

I welcome your input!

AITA? I told my high schooler son that if he wants to make an adult decision about his education then he can either get a job and start paying rent at 18 or be out of the house.

quote:

(Technically my wife and I gave our son these choices. A more accurate title would be “Are me and my wife the assholes.” Also, obligatory throwaway account.)

My son David told me that he wants to drop out of high school. He’s not being bullied and enjoys hanging out with his buddies at school. He just doesn’t like waking up at 7:30 everyday and he thinks that school is a waste of time because he finds the teachers boring/annoying and would rather try to become a professional YouTuber. I tried to persuade David, because he has less than a year and a half left of high school. He can still make YouTube videos on the side, but unless he becomes famous, he won't be able to make a living off of it. And it’s impossible to get a decent job or promotion nowadays without a diploma. Plus, if he ever changed his mind about going to college then a high school diploma would give him that option. But David was not listening and said he would just wait until his 18th birthday (in October) when he would be able to drop out without me or his mother’s consent. I spoke to my wife and we then sat down with David. We told David that we would allow him to drop out of school, but if he drops out, he has two choices: Either get a job and start paying rent at 18 or be out of the house. David told us we were being ridiculous because he would never be able to pay the rent we’re asking unless he works two fast food jobs. We told David that that is going to be his reality if he’s a high school dropout. If he wants to be treated as an adult and make a huge adult choice like dropping out of high school, then we will treat him as an adult and let him face adult consequences.

David was not happy, but the talk has luckily worked because he says he is no longer going to drop out of high school. Most of the other parents we have talked to said my wife and I did the right thing, because part of being a part is stepping in when your child is about to make a huge mistake. But several other parents have told us that we are being too controlling because David will be a legal adult in a few months and we should let him make his own life choices. My wife and I think letting David drop out of school would be ridiculous and as parents we’re supposed to step in before he makes such a huge mistake. But several people agreed that we were being too controlling, so I want some unbiased perspectives. Are my wife and I the assholes?

AITA for not wanting to chop down my family’s “tradition tree”?

quote:

I F17 was tasked with the decision of whether or not to chop down a significant tree to my family. For some backstory:

My great grandfather and his wife built the house we live in currently next to this large oak tree. When they finished the house, they carved their initials into the tree in a heart with the year. Ever since, I every time a member of the family finds their “forever partner” (who they’re getting married to), they carve their initials like my grand parents did.

Well, my older brother got this girlfriend and got her pregnant. They were great together and because she was pregnant, we new she’d be in our family forever. My brother happily carved the tree and we were thrilled. It came out a year later that he cheated on her and she dropped him. She’s been kind enough to still let our family have contact with my niece and to us she is still family.

Now, this brother of mine who CHEATED on her, wants to get rid of the tree. He says it’s because she’s not his partner and we can always recarve the names. However my great grandparents are long passed now and we love their original carvings.

My parents and grandparents are angry with him and don’t want to get rid of the tree, but they said they were leaving the decision up to me and my younger sister because we are the next ones to sign.

Neither of us want to get rid of the tree, but my brother said we would be terrible people if we didn’t because we’d be forcing him to hold onto his past.

AITA?

# ? Feb 25, 2023 22:48

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

Mx. posted:

my housemate dyed all his jeans black using my washing machine and didnt tell me

my poor clothes....

AITA for invading someone�s personal space?

LOL the OP violated the British covenant of the stiff upper lip, so now (e: oops, pronouns) her friend sees her as just as bad as the other guy.

E: as regards tree guy, if he wants to chop down the family tree to "let go of the past" I feel very sorry for his child.

wheatpuppy fucked around with this message at 23:46 on Feb 25, 2023

# ? Feb 25, 2023 22:49

Kitfox88: Aug 21, 2007; Anybody lose their glasses?

Mx. posted:

my housemate dyed all his jeans black using my washing machine and didnt tell me

my poor clothes....

AITA for invading someone�s personal space?

lmao, absolute power move

# ? Feb 25, 2023 22:50

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Mx. posted:

my housemate dyed all his jeans black using my washing machine and didnt tell me

my poor clothes....

AITA for invading someone’s personal space?

This man is a hero

# ? Feb 25, 2023 22:51

Clocks: Oct 2, 2007

wheatpuppy posted:

LOL the OP violated the British covenant of the stiff upper lip, so now his friend sees him as just as bad as the other guy.

Fil5000 posted:

This man is a hero

quote:

For context, I (33f) live in the UK

# ? Feb 25, 2023 22:53

B-Rock452: Jan 6, 2005

Admiral Joeslop posted:

AITA for getting a guy rejected from college after he harassed me?

It's a sad reflection on our dumb society that this woman is seriously asking this. gently caress that shithead and gently caress his dad, she would be justified in hitting him with a loving brick

# ? Feb 25, 2023 22:53

Actias: Oct 9, 2012

Captain Hygiene posted:

Ugh, I don't think I could handle that. Wanting society in general to give better chances for someone to reform feels very different than asking somebody to accept a murderer with that specific of a tie into their life on a potentially pretty deep level. I really wanted to see the reader feedback on that one, but it looks like they wait to print them until the next column.

The comment section is pretty much unanimously "wait what no this is absolutely not OP's responsibility" right now. It'll be interesting to see what they choose to print next time.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 22:55

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Admiral Joeslop posted:

AITA? I told my high schooler son that if he wants to make an adult decision about his education then he can either get a job and start paying rent at 18 or be out of the house.

Maybe if your friends are angry that you're not supporting your teen's life goal of dropping out of school to sleep in and make videos, you should take that as a sign to get better friends

e:

Actias posted:

The comment section is pretty much unanimously "wait what no this is absolutely not OP's responsibility" right now. It'll be interesting to see what they choose to print next time.

Oh, I was looking for comments but I guess they just weren't loading for me so I thought they only got feedback through email or something.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 22:57

Actias: Oct 9, 2012

Captain Hygiene posted:

Oh, I was looking for comments but I guess they just weren't loading for me so I thought they only got feedback through email or something.

I think they delay opening the comments sometimes, idk. Oh, NYT, never change. (Actually, it would be fine if you changed a little.)

# ? Feb 25, 2023 23:01

run on sentience: Mar 22, 2022

The tree might end up dead either way if the family keeps mutilating its bark.

# ? Feb 25, 2023 23:17

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

It came from Carolyn Hax:
MIL dying on a hill of ridiculousness

quote:

Hey Carolyn - coming to you with what I�m sure is your billionth MIL question. My MIL became a grandmother 18 years ago, and at the time chose the nickname Grandmama. She has over time shortened this to G-Mama and Mama, which my older niece and nephew call her) and she encourages her other grandchildren to do the same. This has always given me a yuck feeling.

When my husband and I started having children (my oldest is now 2.5), he told her Grandmama was off the table (because I am my children�s mama) and just started calling her Grandma. She has at every birthday and holiday signed gifts and cards from Grandmama, G-Mama, and once Mama, and at each one my husband has approached her kindly to remind her of our boundary. This past Christmas, once again, a pile of gifts showed up from G-Mama, and it definitely annoyed my, at the time, 35 weeks pregnant self. My husband called to confront again, and instead of feigning ignorance flipped out, told him Grandmama was a sign of respect for her, that she was �triggered� (her words) by being called Grandma and that she had told me that (she had not), and to just call her back when we�ve decided what to call her.

Around that time his dad started asking when they could book flights to come meet our son, and my husband said until things are smoothed over with his mom, they should hold off. But here we are, 8-9 weeks later and my husband has had multiple conversations and nothing is resolved. She�s still insistent that Mama is who she is, has offered no apology for the boundary violation or accepted any responsibility in this situation, and has even asked if we�ll reconsider calling her mama when my kids outgrow calling me mama. We are just at a standstill, and I feel most bad for my husband who would love for his parents to come meet our son (but is standing firm that we need reconciliation) and I feel bad for his dad who is stuck in the middle. And honestly I feel bad for her that she�s dying on the hill or a nickname over meeting what is in all likelihood her last grandchild while he�s still wee.

But what do I do? This whole situation has made things so uncomfortable in what is already an extremely strained relationship (she has boundary violated in other ways over the last 8 years). I don�t think I can sit in the same room with her, but my son is 2 weeks old and not getting younger, and I would hate for them to miss seeing him sometime soon in what is this fleeting moment. Help.

I can completely see "No, the grandkids don't call you Mama, period end." But the first word OP hates? Routine. And in use since 1749.

# ? Feb 26, 2023 00:01

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# ? May 30, 2024 01:08

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

Admiral Joeslop posted:

AITA for not wanting to chop down my family’s “tradition tree”?

What a colosal piece of poo poo the brother is.

# ? Feb 26, 2023 00:02

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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