capitalism.png: Living Wage as a Service (LWaaS)

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > capitalism.png: Living Wage as a Service (LWaaS)

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Real hurthling!: Sep 11, 2001

the comments are like "actually carnet is a 3rd party company and vw told them to stop doing this so dont be mad"

# ? Mar 1, 2023 01:02

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# ? May 30, 2024 11:20

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

McCracAttack posted:

But according to that story VW is perfectly willing to share your car data with the police. Just not for free.

I didn't say it was a good argument

# ? Mar 1, 2023 01:03

BonHair: Apr 28, 2007

The police having access to your car's location at any time sounds pretty bad in most cases though.

# ? Mar 1, 2023 10:17

stringless: Dec 28, 2005; keyboard ⌨️ cowboy

think of the children

# ? Mar 1, 2023 10:32

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

BonHair posted:

The police having access to your car's location at any time sounds pretty bad in most cases though.

They probably arleady have that given how cozy tech is with LEO

# ? Mar 1, 2023 12:15

500excf type r: Mar 7, 2013; I'm as annoying as the high-pitched whine of my motorcycle, desperately compensating for the lack of substance in my life.

Milo and POTUS posted:

They probably arleady have that given how cozy tech is with LEO

law enforcement optimization

# ? Mar 1, 2023 12:41

tokin opposition: Apr 8, 2021; I don't jailbreak the androids, I set them free.

WATCH MARS EXPRESS (2023)

LEaaS

# ? Mar 1, 2023 18:15

Pepe Silvia Browne: Jan 1, 2007

you have a right to be satisfied with your service. any complaint against your service you may lodge may be recorded for quality monitoring purposes and used against you in a court of law.

# ? Mar 1, 2023 18:24

BonHair: Apr 28, 2007

This is basically private security, and also actual law enforcement if you're rich and white.

But yeah, a paid 911 app doesn't sound unamerican to me. It can even have tiers with different response times.

# ? Mar 1, 2023 19:32

SardonicTyrant: Feb 26, 2016; BTICH IM A NEWT
熱くなれ夢みた明日を
必ずいつかつかまえる
走り出せ振り向くことなく
&

tokin opposition posted:

LEaaS

It can't be called a live service if the cops shoot to kill. Four Pinocchios.

# ? Mar 1, 2023 19:38

PerniciousKnid: Sep 13, 2006

BonHair posted:

The police having access to your car's location at any time sounds pretty bad in most cases though.

I would assume in this case the owner approved.

# ? Mar 1, 2023 19:45

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

I went to the aquarium a few days ago and noticed they have this new area sponsored by the Mosaic corporation featuring a big mural on the wall talking about how wonderful the ocean is and how great stewards of it they are and how much they donate to ocean programs.

Mosaic is the company that owns most of the largest phosphate mines around here and therefore are responsible indirectly for the eutrophication of the entire ocean, and directly for the contamination of the aquifer with radioactive waste water when a sinkhole opened up under their giant tailings piles they assumed they could just leave there forever.

The mural showed various stylized sea creatures, and one of them was very obviously just the radioactive trefoil symbol with a tiny bit of stuff around the edge to make it vaguely sea-life-like. I assume the artist snuck that in there as a dig, and it made me giggle so good job bud.

# ? Mar 1, 2023 20:40

Coolness Averted: Feb 20, 2007; oh don't worry, I can't smell asparagus piss, it's in my DNA

GO HOGG WILD!
🐗🐗🐗🐗🐗

anyone tuning in to a 2 am musk livestream deserves to hear all of the diarrhea spewing from whatever orifice he chooses

# ? Mar 1, 2023 20:50

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

A level of embarrassing that would have been run off this site at its worst in short order

# ? Mar 1, 2023 20:59

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Nah making GBS threads, your pants especially, is a badge of honor here.

# ? Mar 1, 2023 21:20

Laterite: Mar 14, 2007; It's Gutfest '89; Grimey Drawer

after you turn 40 you have a 2 am livestream every night

# ? Mar 1, 2023 21:49

SideEffectShit: Oct 10, 2022; by Pragmatica

that should be fun

# ? Mar 1, 2023 21:55

SideEffectShit: Oct 10, 2022; by Pragmatica

Colonel Cancer posted:

Nah making GBS threads, your pants especially, is a badge of honor here.

hmm yeah having a single uniform in 2023 is kinda strange

# ? Mar 1, 2023 21:56

SideEffectShit: Oct 10, 2022; by Pragmatica

500excf type r posted:

law enforcement optimization

loven that cbs fbi episode i watched where the cops are looking for fingerprints in decade Two of the Total Panopticon

# ? Mar 1, 2023 22:00

Ruffian Price: Sep 17, 2016

Shame Boy posted:

The mural showed various stylized sea creatures, and one of them was very obviously just the radioactive trefoil symbol with a tiny bit of stuff around the edge to make it vaguely sea-life-like. I assume the artist snuck that in there as a dig, and it made me giggle so good job bud.

In 21st century US, occupied by corporations, an artist and the ocean walk along a dusty country road. A corporate warrior in a Tesla stops at their sight and tells the artist that he will now contaminate the ocean. He then adds: �But since there is a lot of dust on the ground, you should hold my testicles while I�m contaminating the ocean, so they�ll not get dirty.� After the capitalist finishes his job and drives away, the artist starts to laugh and jump with joy. The surprised ocean asks him: �How can you be jumping with joy when my ecosystem is irrepairably ruined?!� The artist answers: �But I got him! His balls are full of dust.�

# ? Mar 1, 2023 22:00

Coolness Averted: Feb 20, 2007; oh don't worry, I can't smell asparagus piss, it's in my DNA

GO HOGG WILD!
🐗🐗🐗🐗🐗

I don't want to post more screenshots of it, because they're not as funny but I thought the thread would enjoy the fact there's now a niche subgenre of "this executive at a Musk company has debased themselves for Elon by <whatever> and is now laid off" stories

hoping we find out about the dummies who didn't hold out for horses in exchange for conceiving offspring

# ? Mar 2, 2023 04:11

Coolness Averted: Feb 20, 2007; oh don't worry, I can't smell asparagus piss, it's in my DNA

GO HOGG WILD!
🐗🐗🐗🐗🐗

gotta keep the important employees

# ? Mar 2, 2023 05:12

BonHair: Apr 28, 2007

Laterite posted:

after you turn 40 you have a 2 am livestream every night

Stream is a strong word though, more like trickle.

# ? Mar 2, 2023 07:23

Weatherman: Jul 30, 2003; WARBLEKLONK

Coolness Averted posted:

gotta keep the important employees

why is matthew mcconaghmaheyhey a thing? i thought he was "just" an actor

# ? Mar 2, 2023 08:47

HAIL eSATA-n: Apr 7, 2007

he is also rich, and therefore deserving of more money

# ? Mar 2, 2023 16:07

Fitzy Fitz: May 14, 2005

Like Mike Rowe, he's leveraged his acting to give off the impression that he's actually what he portrays on the screen

# ? Mar 2, 2023 16:13

mawarannahr: May 21, 2019

here's some amazing poo poo, goes down harsh but hits the spot real well
10 Body Parts You Can (Legally) Sell

www.medpagetoday.com posted:

In this video, Mikhail Varshavski, DO -- who goes by "Dr. Mike" on social media -- reviews an alternative source of income: body parts.

Following is a transcript of the video (note that errors are possible):

Varshavski: Here's how you can make money right now with no education or training, using only what's in or on your body, while also making a positive impact on people's lives. While it is illegal to sell organs and tissues in the United States, it turns out that there are at least 10 body parts and fluids that are legally bought and sold here in America every single day. Let's take a look at how much you're literally worth. Peewoop.

Hair. Where do you think wigs come from? Sure. Synthetic hair is common when bought with your run-of-the-mill Halloween costume, but many higher-end wigs are made with real human hair, because it looks and feels more authentic. The value of your hair will depend on a variety of factors, though, such as the color, length, thickness, and whether it's ever been dyed, or if you were a heavy smoker.

And while hair donation isn't as tightly regulated in the U.S. as blood plasma donations, there is definitely a marketplace online where you could make a few bucks for your locks. How much? Quick scans online show many sellers offering their hair for hundreds of dollars, with many others claiming they've sold their hair in the four-figure range. It's important to note that while you can make money selling your hair, there are also plenty of options when it comes to donating your hair to organizations that make wigs for cancer patients like St. Baldrick's, who I worked with in 2012.

Stool. It's number two on the list and number two for you. Poop. Stool from certain individuals can contain microbes that are really valuable for medical research. Certain individuals is a bit of an understatement. However, as one high-end stool-buying pharmaceutical research company, Human Microbes, says that they're in the market for the 0.1% of people who have the unique health markers to offer stool worth researching. Because the right stool is so rare, they're now offering $500 per successful sample, meaning if you fit their unique profile, you could earn up to $180,000 a year, assuming you ship daily.

Semen. I'm assuming many of you who clicked on this video already knew you could donate semen for cash, as it's been depicted in movies and on TV for decades. But the real life process might not be as funny as it is on screen. That's because it's highly unlikely you'd even get selected.

California Cryobank and Fairfax Cryobank, two of America's largest sperm collection centers, only accept 1% of applicants due to low sperm counts, questionable health history, and many other factors like a prospective donors' genetics. Applicants are also often turned down for superficial reasons such as being under a certain height, as women looking to buy sperm tend to be more interested in tall donors. That being said, if you make the cut, donors report having been paid around $125 per visit and you could donate up to twice a week.

Eggs. Men don't get to have all the fun. Women can sell their eggs and do quite well in the process. Rules vary by state, but donors usually need to be between the ages of 21 and 35, and it helps if you've given birth before. If you're accepted as a donor, you'll be given a series of fertility drugs to increase the rate your body releases eggs. These eggs will be collected through a minor surgical procedure, at which point your contribution is complete. Bear in mind, while a child birth with your eggs will genetically be yours, legally the child belongs to the woman who carried it to term. Selling eggs is one of the most profitable things on this list with reputable institutions like NYU Langone Fertility Center offering $10,000 per successful donation.

Womb. While you wouldn't be packing up your womb, putting it in a box, and dropping it off at the post office, you might be able to make a little money renting it out for a 9-month lease, acting as a surrogate to birth the baby. Surrogacy agencies and state laws will set the rules depending on where you live and the process can take a long time, beyond even the lengthy 9-month gestation period. You'll need to pass numerous medical tests, pair with a set of parents, nail down the terms of a contract, and decide whether to use your own egg, known as a traditional surrogacy, or someone else's egg, known as a gestational surrogacy. Then it's 9 months of carrying a baby, plus the added fun of actually giving birth, which is a major medical event full of significant risk to your own health. As you can see, this is a complicated process, but that's also why the earning potential is so high. Because contracts are negotiated, there is no fixed rate, but many surrogacy agencies advertise surrogates earning well upwards of $50,000 with added pay for things like monthly allowances, loss of wages due to bedrest, and other fees.

Breast milk. Your employment doesn't need to stop once the baby is born as there is quite the market for breast milk as well. Many new mothers overproduce breast milk. Likewise, many mothers under-produce and are in need of some support.

One option is to head to your local milk bank to handle everything in person, but you can do this at home, too, with your own pump and storage containers with some organizations offering $1 per oz. The earning potential can be higher elsewhere, too, as free-market communities exist where you can list your breast milk for $2, $3, maybe $5 an oz, with some mothers turning their breast milk into a small business. Just make sure to be careful with this process as it's a less regulated one.

Skin. When I say selling your skin, I don't mean shedding and bringing it down to the local farmer's market. Rather, there are countless stories of people selling their skin as real estate for advertising in the form of tattoos. Every now and then you'll see this happen with boxers who compete in high-profile events where they show a lot of skin and have reportedly been paid tens of thousands of dollars to get henna tattoos of company logos and URLs on their bodies during fights.

You don't need to be a pro athlete though. One woman infamously sold her forehead on eBay for 10 grand. In 2005, a man sold his forehead online for nearly 40 grand. A popular gym chain even reimbursed many for getting the company logo tattooed on their body. While there might not be a regulated marketplace to buy and sell your skin as a billboard, some clever marketing and salesmanship might net you a hefty paycheck if you're willing to live with the consequences.

Blood plasma. Technically you can't get paid to donate blood, but you can get paid to donate blood plasma, which is a straw-colored liquid that makes up 55% of your blood supply. There are few requirements depending on where you live, such as your age, size, and medical history. Be sure to read up on your state's rules before you go to donate. Not to mention the U.S. is currently suffering a major plasma shortage due to the pandemic, so your plasma is more valuable than ever.

Plasma gets replaced in the body about every 24 hours, which means you're allowed to donate up to twice a week. Talk about reliable income. This plasma gets used to develop new pharmaceutical treatments, help patients with immunodeficiencies, and even treat patients in emergencies. A quick search will show many places offering up to $500 for your first month of donations, while many regular donors report receiving about 40 bucks per visit.

Bone marrow. Where does blood and plasma get made? It's actually produced inside your bones within the spongy bone marrow, which is another very valuable substance you can sell. But that wasn't always the case. Bone marrow donations were illegal under the 1984 National Organ Transplant Act, but in 2011 a California court case ruled that because bone marrow is naturally replenishable and the process of extracting it has become much more tolerable, that it should be legalized.

Unfortunately, for patients in need of receiving a donation, finding a match can be difficult. As matches are most common within the same ethnic group, your odds of finding a bone marrow match as a white person are 79%, but if you're Black that number falls to 29%.

There are two types of bone marrow donations, a surgical and a non-surgical option, so make sure you know which one you're signing up for. Also, not every organization will pay for bone marrow, but those who can offer up to $700 for a 60-minute donation.

Your whole body. One of the more exciting ways to make a few bucks is by donating your whole body to clinical studies and trials, which are always taking place at hospitals, universities, and pharmaceutical companies. It's very important to know what you're getting into when signing up for a study, though, as you may be asked to test experimental treatments that could pose a risk to your health. Of course, you could also be instrumental in helping advance new treatments that could save countless lives.

While many studies are simply looking for a warm body, sometimes you can be uniquely qualified to participate as many studies are looking for subjects who have unique physical characteristics or are willing to push themselves to the extreme. Like Steve-O who got 2,000 bucks to participate in a dangerous medical study. Click here to listen to my interview with him all about it. A huge thanks for watching. As always, stay happy and healthy.

Mike Varshavski, DO, is a board-certified family physician and social media influencer with more than 10 million subscribers.

# ? Mar 3, 2023 00:51

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

mawarannahr posted:

Stool.

Finally, I can live the ultimate dream and be paid for posting

# ? Mar 3, 2023 01:03

Anidav: Feb 25, 2010; ahhh fuck its the rats again

Being told by a scientist in a lab coat that your poop is excellent.

# ? Mar 3, 2023 01:37

AxGrap: Jan 11, 2005; ☝☯ Ŧ𝓤𝒸Ҝ 𝓨𝕠𝔲! 🐼👽

Anidav posted:

Being told by a scientist in a lab coat that your poop is excellent.

That would easily be the best compliment I had ever received. I bet my poop is poo poo tho

# ? Mar 3, 2023 01:48

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

*doctor looks down at poop printouts, takes glasses off and cleans them and puts them back on, mouth falls open* My god, it's beautiful

# ? Mar 3, 2023 02:42

Anidav: Feb 25, 2010; ahhh fuck its the rats again

In all my years of studying poop....

# ? Mar 3, 2023 04:01

Coolness Averted: Feb 20, 2007; oh don't worry, I can't smell asparagus piss, it's in my DNA

GO HOGG WILD!
🐗🐗🐗🐗🐗

y'all are gonna really need to step up your cardboard straw consumption if you wanna offset this

# ? Mar 3, 2023 04:22

Ornery and Hornery: Oct 22, 2020

we may earn commissions from a link on this page

# ? Mar 3, 2023 04:26

StormDrain: May 22, 2003; Thirteen Letter

Coolness Averted posted:

y'all are gonna really need to step up your cardboard straw consumption if you wanna offset this

Pretty sure nearly 100% of all funkos are going to the landfill.

# ? Mar 3, 2023 04:51

tokin opposition: Apr 8, 2021; I don't jailbreak the androids, I set them free.

WATCH MARS EXPRESS (2023)

if you eat enough credit cards and water bottles you can poo poo out your own funko pop

makes you think

# ? Mar 3, 2023 08:13

GotLag: Jul 17, 2005; 食べちゃダメだよ

Coolness Averted posted:

y'all are gonna really need to step up your cardboard straw consumption if you wanna offset this

If they're worth $30 million how come they have to pay the landfill to take them

# ? Mar 3, 2023 08:14

Weatherman: Jul 30, 2003; WARBLEKLONK

tokin opposition posted:

if you eat enough credit cards and water bottles you can poo poo out your own funko pop

makes you think

more liek funko poop lmao xD

# ? Mar 3, 2023 08:45

Coolness Averted: Feb 20, 2007; oh don't worry, I can't smell asparagus piss, it's in my DNA

GO HOGG WILD!
🐗🐗🐗🐗🐗

# ? Mar 3, 2023 09:44

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 30, 2024 11:20

Antonymous: Apr 4, 2009

vacations filed under liabilities ok

# ? Mar 3, 2023 10:15

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > capitalism.png: Living Wage as a Service (LWaaS)

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