Old feedback thread, now a memorial to self ownage (fun starts pg. 20!)

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Old feedback thread, now a memorial to self ownage (fun starts pg. 20!)

«‹›27 »

XeeD: Jul 10, 2001; I see invisible dumptrucks.

Smorgwarth eat the eggs.

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:03

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 24, 2024 18:08

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

DeadFatDuckFat posted:

The House

Seth leaned back in his computer chair as he let out another sigh. He’d been doing that a lot lately, he thought. Best not let the other mods catch him doing that, it’d be bad for morale and even worse for his reputation. Seth’s melancholy had increased since his boss had forced the whole moderation team into living and working together, it would be the era of Hardcore Modding.

“We’ll call it Mod House,” Jeffrey of YOSPOS had proclaimed. “Or Moody Hoes, as I like to call it because I loving hate all of you.”

Seth forced his mind back to the present so he wouldn’t be miserable. This was supposed to be the best part of the day, when Captain Sarcastic would be out of the drat house running errands and Infidel Castro was still sleeping off his night shift. Seth still couldn’t believe he’d gotten stuck with sharing the same room with these two. Still, it was better than splitting a room with Genesplicer.

“Good morning, Seth” cried an energetic voice from the open entryway, now doorless since the last time Jeffrey had visited Mod House.

Oh god, thought Seth. Why the gently caress is he back so soon.

“Mornin’ Captain,” Seth replied.

“Picked up our meal allotment of Quaker Oats and nonfat Milk at the store,” said Captain. “So did you take care of the thing?”

Seth had no idea what the hell he was talking about, but figured that the less time spent talking to Captain, the better, so he simply grunted in response. Seth had been in the middle of typing some long reply in the GBS feedback thread which obviously no one would read, but he knew he had to do just enough so he wouldn’t rank in the bottom 20% of moderators. The whole house would do a quarterly review at the local Denny’s, and the bottom performers had to pay for everyone else while not getting any food for themselves. Jeffrey would often refer to mods “earning their Denny’s” when they performed their duties well.

The sound of an alarm pierced the air and Infidel Castro’s chunky hand waved in the air, struggling to find the off button on his clock. Seth paused, wondering why Infidel would be waking up right now after only two hours of sleep.
“So did you take care of the thing?” Infidel mumbled at Seth.

“Of course he didn’t, Seth wants to get torn a new one. Never knew how much a masochist he was before Mod House,” said Captain in reply, and gave a small chuckle. His face quickly turned serious as he turned to Seth.

“But…you did right? Do the thing?”

Seth was now in full panic mode. What the hell could these two morons know about that I don’t, he asked himself. He quickly opened his email. Nothing unread in the inbox.

Oh no. Seth cringed as he scrolled the browser window down. New message in the Spam folder today. Seth had previously set all incoming emails from Wintertime to be marked as Spam. They were always the same anyway. Dear Moderator Pecksniff, Mr. YOSPOS has expressed how deeply disappointed he has been in GBS lately and blah blah blah. Seth quickly brought up the email from the administrative assistant.

“Oh poo poo, oh gently caress”, cried Seth in despair. “Why… why didn’t you guys tell me! Wait, I can… I can still fix this.”

The faces of his roommate-coworkers slow motion fell in absolute terror as Seth began to bring up the moderation tools in his Microsoft Edge browser. The cursor on screen shivered like a chihuahua, reflecting Seth’s right hand on his mouse as he struggled to find the correct forum thread. “It's okay, there’s still time. I’m gonna do it guys, don’t worry, I can earn my Denny’s.”

The hope of the three evaporated as they heard the familiar roar of a certain Hummer X3 peel into the driveway. The front door of Mod House flew open with a resounding crash, the sound of the highest quality imported Crocs slapping on the wood floor approached the GBS mod room. As usual, they could smell him before laying eyes upon the abhorrent Jeffrey of YOSPOS. A pungent mix of the sea and ranch flavored Corn Nuts filled the dusty air of Mod House. The website owner’s tremendous frame then filled the entryway.

“Hello, moderators.” Jeffrey’s nasally voice stabbed their ears. “Good to see you Seth, I have a special gift just for you.”

He revealed a plastic wrapped Goldbelly cookie and shoved it onto Seth’s chest.

“Go on,” said Jeffrey. “Eat it.”

The wrapping made crinkly noises as Seth began to unpack the cookie.

“No” said Jeffrey of YOSPOS with a shake of his head. “I said, eat it.”

Seth slowly used his teeth to tear into both the plastic wrapping and the cookie, managing to get in a whole bite without choking. He had to admit, it was still better than eating the same old oats at Mod House every day.

Jeffrey pulled Infidel’s desk chair towards himself and sat down, crossing his legs. “I was having the nicest time in Malta just before now,” said the website owner. “They have these delicious sea turtles, the ones with the soft shells so you can just pluck them right out of the ocean from your yacht and take a bite.” Jeffrey continued, turning to Captain. “Tortugas, I think they call them, right Captain?”

Captain Sarcastic had no loving idea but enthusiastically nodded his head anyway. “Sure,” he said. “I can double check the internet right now, we’ll all find out together!”

Captain turned to his workstation and switched on the monitor.

“Is that what I think it is?” said Jeffrey, now staring at the website showing on Captain’s monitor. “Did you just show me the forums?” His voice now raised with fury. “You all know I hate looking at the loving forums.”

Jeffrey quickly stood and picked up Captain with both hands and rammed him headfirst into the now shattered monitor. The other two moderators swiftly clicked the minimize button on their browsers while Jeffrey was distracted.

“Now then,” Jeffrey continued, once again having a seat. “You can see why I might be annoyed at having to come to Mod House when I was having such a good time eating tortugas overseas. But there is a certain matter that needs to be cleared up, and apparently an email was not enough to do so.”

Seth’s stomach began to feel seriously ill and he was fairly sure it wasn’t from seeing Captain’s bloodied form lying on the floor.

“It’s this epic nom name, or whatever, poster. Wintertime tells me he is an embarrassment to the forums as a whole. He needs to be banned. Hell, I’m told that I should be personally embarrassed that he still gets to post at all. Estamos embarazados, right Infidel?”

Infidel Castro was definitely sure that was not correct, but no way was he going to say anything to his boss.

“And now, Astral tells me you’ve been exchanging friendly private messages with this poster?” Jeffrey glared at Seth. “I gave you another chance after your cringe QCS anime post and this is how you repay me?”

Seth’s vision was extremely blurred, he could barely make out anything in the room. “I…I can explain Mr. YOSPOS. I’ve been busy, see? I’ve got 5 Jeffrey Dahmer alts queued up for permas. Nom Epique was next on my to-do list I swear.” Seth slurred and in his confusion brought up his Edge browser to show Jeffrey.

“The FORUMS!” roared the owner of Something Awful.

Infidel Castro instantly pissed himself and fled the room. The surroundings began to spin for Seth Pecksniff and he collapsed hard onto the floor, the poisoned half eaten Goldbelly cookie rolling away from his left hand. He looked up and saw Jeffrey staring back at him, a single tear falling from the admin’s eye.

“You were supposed to be the next Huge Gross Burrito,” said Jeffrey of YOSPOS with a sad grin. “Not another Abe.”

Seth’s eyes spasmed and rolled towards the hallway. He thought he saw something nice out there waiting for him, something shining, extravagant and beautiful.

“My…moons,” uttered Seth Pecksniff with his last breath, hand outstretched towards the hall. “Moons… over my hammy…”

Epilogue:
Newly appointed GBS mod Smugworth was tired of how all the other mods mocked him about the disgusting state of his room. Fine, he thought. I’ll clean up just this once.

Smugworth leaned down and saw what apparently was the remains of an expensive artisanal cookie. Huh, he thought with a hungry smile. Sometimes things just work out.

Oh my god

If nothing else comes out of this thread this did and holy poo poo

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:05

Smugworth: Apr 18, 2003

I liked the ending

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:08

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

what does that mean about the weakest link like uh what wind waker?

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:18

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Idk it was the first thing that came to mind I ❤️ you sid and I'm just joshing

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:19

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

my older brothers name is josh

I walked his dog tonight (I do every week day)(he is the boxer)

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:25

syntaxfunction: Oct 27, 2010

Seth we should have a stickied thread for Sid to post wholesome things like their paintings and pictures of dogs and stuff, and if anyone posts anything mean it is an instant 12-hour the first time and ban the second. We could use some wholesome content.

Also if two pages of people talking happens and there is no Sid posts or quotes of Sid posts then those two pages get a 24-hour.

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:30

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Beautiful doggos :3:

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:30

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

syntaxfunction posted:

Seth we should have a stickied thread for Sid to post wholesome things like their paintings and pictures of dogs and stuff, and if anyone posts anything mean it is an instant 12-hour the first time and ban the second. We could use some wholesome content.

Also if two pages of people talking happens and there is no Sid posts or quotes of Sid posts then those two pages get a 24-hour.

There's always PMF!

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3916300&pagenumber=1&perpage=40

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:32

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

Sid Vicious posted:

my older brothers name is josh I walked his dog tonight (I do every week day)(he is the boxer)

Those look like two very good dogs.

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:32

syntaxfunction: Oct 27, 2010

Seth Pecksniff posted:

There's always PMF!

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3916300&pagenumber=1&perpage=40

Yeah, but I'm keeping to the spirit of the thread with how to improve GBS. It's like you don't even read the things you write!

Imagine a new person seeing the Ukraine thread, the nom epique thread, and as a palette cleanser, the Wholesome Sid Posts thread.

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:36

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

syntaxfunction posted:

Yeah, but I'm keeping to the spirit of the thread with how to improve GBS. It's like you don't even read the things you write!

Imagine a new person seeing the Ukraine thread, the nom epique thread, and as a palette cleanser, the Wholesome Sid Posts thread.

ah I love you so much <3

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:39

Steadiman: Jan 31, 2006; Hey...what kind of party is this? there's no booze and only one hooker!

_{silly sevens}

Sid Vicious posted:

my older brothers name is josh I walked his dog tonight (I do every week day)(he is the boxer)

This is extremely good feedback. Mods, please keep this in mind moving forward.

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:45

ninjoatse.cx: Apr 9, 2005; Fun Shoe

Seth Pecksniff posted:

Sniping is a proud tradition here in GBS and it stays. Back long ago, during the Dark Era of Proper Punctuation, it was illegal. It was not fun and didn't foster a good sense of community. Plus it's kinda fun to see if you're able to snipe without posting seven times like Nooner did after you

Not sniping, APOLOGIZING for sniping like anyone gives a poo poo that you started a new page in a communication forum that's measured in pages :mad:

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:47

Smugworth: Apr 18, 2003

syntaxfunction posted:

Seth we should have a stickied thread for Sid to post wholesome things like their paintings and pictures of dogs and stuff, and if anyone posts anything mean it is an instant 12-hour the first time and ban the second. We could use some wholesome content.

Also if two pages of people talking happens and there is no Sid posts or quotes of Sid posts then those two pages get a 24-hour.

If I'm elected moderator, my first act will be to give Sid his very own stickied thread where he is the IK.

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:48

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

smugworth for IK

SMUGWORTH FOR MOD

SMUGWORTH FOR ADMIN

SMUGWORTH FOR GOD

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:48

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

ninjoatse.cx posted:

Not sniping, APOLOGIZING for sniping like anyone gives a poo poo that you started a new page in a communication forum that's measured in pages

Oh hm apologies misread it and also I'm a lil tired

Not bannable or probatable but something we should all strive to end

# ? Mar 22, 2023 03:59

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

Smugworth should never be given any sort of power whatsoever. Also nom epique should be permabanned for being an absolutely worthless poster who's only kept around because I guess GBS mods need a pet imbecile. Also ban ClamdestineWhateverthefuck for making ten billion worthless posts.

# ? Mar 22, 2023 07:39

Shinjobi: Jul 10, 2008; Gravy Boat 2k

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Smugworth should never be given any sort of power whatsoever. Also nom epique should be permabanned for being an absolutely worthless poster who's only kept around because I guess GBS mods need a pet imbecile. Also ban ClamdestineWhateverthefuck for making ten billion worthless posts.

I have no opinion on smugworth but otherwise :same:

# ? Mar 22, 2023 07:43

Charles Bukowski: Aug 26, 2003; Taskmaster 2023 Second Place Winner; Grimey Drawer

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Smugworth should never be given any sort of power whatsoever. Also nom epique should be permabanned for being an absolutely worthless poster who's only kept around because I guess GBS mods need a pet imbecile. Also ban ClamdestineWhateverthefuck for making ten billion worthless posts.

I vote to cancel this vote

# ? Mar 22, 2023 07:44

Tarquinn: Jul 3, 2007; I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you
my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal.; Hell Gem

DeadFatDuckFat posted:

The House

This is canon now. :hmmyes:

# ? Mar 22, 2023 07:52

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003; LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL (づ￣ �￣)づ♥(�∀�●)

DeadFatDuckFat posted:

The House

# ? Mar 22, 2023 07:58

Drone_Fragger: May 9, 2007

Indulge nom by bringing in the reverse GBS challenge. He can clone a thread into gbs from another sub, and if it does better here than the original, by the standards of the original subforum regulars, then he gets to buy one custom title. Otherwise he wins a lifetime posting award (11 year probe)

# ? Mar 22, 2023 09:30

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

Drone_Fragger posted:

Indulge nom by bringing in the reverse GBS challenge. He can clone a thread into gbs from another sub, and if it does better here than the original, by the standards of the original subforum regulars, then he gets to buy one custom title. Otherwise he wins a lifetime posting award (11 year probe)

This is terrible and dumber than nom epique (who should be banned and his posting appliances pulverized with a steam hammer).

# ? Mar 22, 2023 09:38

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003; LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL (づ￣ �￣)づ♥(�∀�●)

what do you actually get, personally, out of being so unhappy and concerned with what and how other people are posting on the SA forums in threads you don't read or participate in that aren't affecting anyone

this is a dead-serious question directed squarely at you

# ? Mar 22, 2023 09:58

super sweet best pal: Nov 18, 2009

Smugworth seems ok.

# ? Mar 22, 2023 11:04

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

MrQwerty posted:

what do you actually get, personally, out of being so unhappy and concerned with what and how other people are posting on the SA forums in threads you don't read or participate in that aren't affecting anyone

this is a dead-serious question directed squarely at you

I like these forums and I'd like to see them improved by removing posters and threads that I consider to loving suck rear end. I understand that's a hard concept for you to understand because you follow me around slack-jawed posting "why you care, care mean you suck".

# ? Mar 22, 2023 11:14

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003; LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL (づ￣ �￣)づ♥(�∀�●)

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

I like these forums and I'd like to see them improved by removing posters and threads that I consider to loving suck rear end. I understand that's a hard concept for you to understand because you follow me around slack-jawed posting "why you care, care mean you suck".

nah you just show up in the places I post in bitching and loving whining about how other people post and that's legit all I see you do

if you like these forums you have a real weird way of showing it, because you want people to post exactly the way you want, with the content you want, and nothing else

MrQwerty fucked around with this message at 11:23 on Mar 22, 2023

# ? Mar 22, 2023 11:18

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

MrQwerty posted:

nah you just show up in the places I post in bitching and loving whining about how other people post and that's legit all I see you do

if you like these forums you have a real weird way of showing it, because you want people to post exactly the way you want

You asked a question and now you're angry I answered. I am absolutely unsurprised by that somehow.

# ? Mar 22, 2023 11:24

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003; LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL (づ￣ �￣)づ♥(�∀�●)

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

You asked a question and now you're angry I answered. I am absolutely unsurprised by that somehow.

Your answer to my question was, "I like these forums so much that I want everyone that I don't like banned and all the threads I don't want to read deleted."

# ? Mar 22, 2023 11:27

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

If the fact that I think garbage threads belong in the garbage threatens you so much, maybe consider not reading/posting in them.

# ? Mar 22, 2023 11:39

Drone_Fragger: May 9, 2007

Uh, isn't Putting poo poo threads in the trash and doming poo poo posters with probes and bans literally how moderation works? Like obviously the line on what qualifies as poo poo is subjective but fundamentally thats the case.

# ? Mar 22, 2023 11:43

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Oh my god you two either get a room or knock it off but this isn't your personal thread

Post dueling PMFs about it!!

# ? Mar 22, 2023 12:11

Treecko: Apr 23, 2008; The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!

If Smugworth let's me say oval office I'll vote for him

It's literally just an internet forum, the words can't hurt you

If I see something I don't like I can just scroll past or close it

# ? Mar 22, 2023 13:41

Mr Teatime: Apr 7, 2009

DeadFatDuckFat posted:

The House

# ? Mar 22, 2023 13:41

Treecko: Apr 23, 2008; The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!

As an American woman, oval office has never ever bothered me

I'd just put down the phone and walk away if someone called me one like who really cares

# ? Mar 22, 2023 13:57

hot cocoa on the couch: Dec 8, 2009

Treecko posted:

who really cares

at least a few vocal posters and presumably some regular report button users

# ? Mar 22, 2023 14:12

isaboo: Nov 11, 2002; Muay Buok
ขอให้โชคดี

a lot of goons are terrible at curating and moderating their own forum experience. shocking.

maybe make more tools available - a better ignore function that also hides the offending post if it is quoted, a user defined 'gentle caress' function etc

I don't know though I'm just a oval office

# ? Mar 22, 2023 15:41

cumpantry: Dec 18, 2020

want Smugworth to be my moderator! This guy right here!"

Smugworth, a moderator for the posters and lurkers, aoserator for EVER

# ? Mar 22, 2023 15:50

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 24, 2024 18:08

Treecko: Apr 23, 2008; The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!

It's sexist to be able to post cock, but not oval office

:colbert:

# ? Mar 22, 2023 16:07

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Old feedback thread, now a memorial to self ownage (fun starts pg. 20!)

«‹›27 »