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No one will ever see me cry and I have a permanent fleshlight????? Where do I sign up to be a halo man???
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Apr 2, 2023 06:07
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Kingo Ligma posted:No one will ever see me cry and I have a permanent fleshlight????? You sign up by being kidnapped as a child by the UN intelligence branch And nobody will notice because they will replace you with a clone that's terminally ill on purpose
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Apr 2, 2023 06:13
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Space Kablooey posted:You sign up by being kidnapped as a child by the UN intelligence branch gently caress, I think I'm the clone. Explains a lot at least.
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Apr 2, 2023 06:18
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Chief's suit doesn't jack him off hut according to the books he is catheterized every time he puts it on.
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Apr 2, 2023 06:22
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Oh. So they were upset that the guy in the show isn't an incel in a plastic green suit. I'm beginning to understand the disdain for nerd culture in this thread a bit more
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Apr 2, 2023 06:33
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Space Kablooey posted:You sign up by being kidnapped as a child by the UN intelligence branch But... if they can grow clones, why don't they just use the clones as the soldiers?
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Apr 2, 2023 07:12
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Bloody Hedgehog posted:But... if they can grow clones, why don't they just use the clones as the soldiers? They gave the Clones space cancer to cover up the kidnappings. Also they selected all of the Spartan candidates by giving the space hicks a free vaccination program and then stealing their medical records to find the genetic ubermensch kids.
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Apr 2, 2023 07:15
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Why can’t the halo guy just slosh the piss down the pant leg like a normal person?
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Apr 2, 2023 07:17
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j.peeba posted:Why can’t the halo guy just slosh the piss down the pant leg like a normal person? Uhh spartan piss commands a pretty penny on the marketplace, how do you think they finance all these armor suits and fancy space ships
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Apr 2, 2023 07:19
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Arc Hammer posted:They gave the Clones space cancer to cover up the kidnappings. But still, if they've found the ultra-kids, just use the DNA they now have on hand to make a clone of them, and use the clone as the soldier. And don't give it cancer.
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Apr 2, 2023 07:20
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priznat posted:Uhh spartan piss commands a pretty penny on the marketplace, how do you think they finance all these armor suits and fancy space ships Ah right I didn’t play all the dlc.
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Apr 2, 2023 07:39
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Spartans are catheterized to use piss commands.
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Apr 2, 2023 07:40
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Arc Hammer posted:They gave the Clones space cancer to cover up the kidnappings. There's a slim chance that someone in the CIA is a Halo fan and that's where they got the idea to use a vaccination drive to get at bin Laden.
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Apr 2, 2023 07:44
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Given the relative content drought thought I'd share this with the thread. A bit of found footage vibe where the host goes back and rewatches old VHS tapes that he's recorded, and takes a look at some of the ads etc on them. Content is obviously a bit Aussie centric but has it's moments. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6ccDhW5_1E
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Apr 2, 2023 07:49
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Bloody Hedgehog posted:But... if they can grow clones, why don't they just use the clones as the soldiers? iirc from the terrible books they can’t actually grow healthy full clones. The cancer and dying is because the process isn’t perfected
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Apr 2, 2023 07:54
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https://youtu.be/iE39q-IKOzA
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Apr 2, 2023 08:03
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Bloody Hedgehog posted:But still, if they've found the ultra-kids, just use the DNA they now have on hand to make a clone of them, and use the clone as the soldier. But if you aren't making children die of cancer, how do you cum?
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Apr 2, 2023 08:37
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Arc Hammer posted:Chief's suit doesn't jack him off hut according to the books he is catheterized every time he puts it on. what about pooping
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Apr 2, 2023 10:11
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Bloody Hedgehog posted:But still, if they've found the ultra-kids, just use the DNA they now have on hand to make a clone of them, and use the clone as the soldier. You'd have to raise the child in the same exact environment too, to give it the same base personality to work off of. Moreover, every single one of the SPARTAN programs was intrinsically hosed up, evil, and flawed. Except for the most recent one which was went back to the roots of "Lets just genetically engineer our normal soldiers", rather than genetically engineer and brainwash our normal soldiers, or kidnap kids, or use war orphans. It is not supposed to be a well run and highly moral organization. Basically Kingo Ligma posted:But if you aren't making children die of cancer, how do you cum? isn't even wrong.
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Apr 2, 2023 10:35
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Halo games have the most boring overworld, most boring actual story (there is no love story, no sex, no family or kinship), most ridiculous alien voice.
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Apr 2, 2023 10:43
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stephenthinkpad posted:Halo games have the most boring overworld, most boring actual story (there is no love story, no sex, no family or kinship), most ridiculous alien voice. It's also like a lot of generic militaristic sci-fi in that it's super fashie when you read about it and think about it for a second. It's like someone looked at Verhoeven's version of Starship Troopers and took it entirely seriously after running parts of it through the Iraq and Afghanistan War. Only in this case the insurgents have superior technology. Like someone else mentioned, the government kidnaps children to turn into super soldiers. Except they weren't designed to fight aliens originally and ere originally designed to suppress the civilians they were kidnapping children from since they realized they were getting a bad deal from the space UN due to how exploited they were. This is all done low key and with a noxious amount of excuses as to why it's okay. It's literally some Star Wars Empire bullshit without the flashy cackling douche of a supervillain hanging out in the background. The government also is super into having threats to it in the form of loyal heroes and leaders fall on their sword, Roman general style, after they outlive their usefulness. It gets to the point where their premier military academy has a guy who did this as their mascot. Ditto for the whole "we built a virus to liquefy the flesh of our enemies of state" thing. Or the other attempted and successful genocides and gas lighting of the public. And no, no one ever comments on this within the narrative in a way that says that "Hey, maybe a government that makes Russia and China's genocidal and villainous behavior look like saints by comparison is something that deserves to get couped by the people or some hulking mute cyborg of a man in green armor.". The closest to that get painted as slavers, corrupt, and all sorts of other criminal stuff by the narrative, which is just  .
Archonex fucked around with this message at 12:06 on Apr 2, 2023 |
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Apr 2, 2023 11:53
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Archonex posted:
They sort of do, since there’s a wide spread resistance movement against the UN and outright rebellion in the Outer Colonies. But it’s all glossed over for the most part and the UNSC is almost always portrayed as right. It’s more of a hand-wavy plot device to shield the writers from from criticism by making it look like they’re “commenting” on the fascism of the UN. But I don’t know, I still like Halo, and it’s good old dumb us-against-them kill all the genocidal aliens vibe. Not all science fiction has to be some scathing deconstruction of human society. colonelwest fucked around with this message at 12:27 on Apr 2, 2023 |
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Apr 2, 2023 12:17
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I still like Halo too, I had so much fun with the original games and I had the books and master cheeves but drat looking back it's some fashy poo poo series has been aimless since they resolved the war to exterminate humanity and the original devs hosed off I thought the TV show sucked but mostly because it was boring and seemed weirdly cheap for how expensive it was supposed to be. Totally worth it for the nerd meltdown over seeing Master Chief's butt
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Apr 2, 2023 12:40
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEWEdIcx1DI
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Apr 2, 2023 12:43
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Halo gameplay is aggressively middling, it's fine, it's functional but is never great. Combine this with all the mediocre plot stuff means it has broad appeal. Nothing about it really stands out or is special, so it's good for the consumption of mass audiences. Sounds like an elitist perspective on it, but it's also very true at the same time. See: Call of Duty games for this as well, and those are MASSIVELY popular See: 'it's just supposed to be fun, turn your brain off and enjoy it' approach to movies/shows. The point is you're not supposed to think about any of this poo poo, and many, many people lack the desire for introspection/are too beaten down by jobs that sap their energies to care anymore/etc etc etc Justin Credible fucked around with this message at 13:30 on Apr 2, 2023 |
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Apr 2, 2023 13:28
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colonelwest posted:They sort of do, since there’s a wide spread resistance movement against the UN and outright rebellion in the Outer Colonies. But it’s all glossed over for the most part and the UNSC is almost always portrayed as right. It’s more of a hand-wavy plot device to shield the writers from from criticism by making it look like they’re “commenting” on the fascism of the UN. They're the guys who get painted as slavers, criminals, etc, etc, etc. Which makes it come off as more than a bit shady. A part of me wonders if their constant failed expanded universe tv shows and web series focusing on the colonists was meant to lead in to the protag turning against the UNSC now that the war was over. But instead they went with "oh no, there's an even scarier, nastier, and more ancient evil alien race out to kill us all!" and promptly shelved any interesting plot developments that'd happen from that. Coincidentally, that game bombed so hard in terms of user reception that we got Infinite to try and move the gameplay forwards since people were kind of done with the franchise at that point. Of course, Infinite went back to the classic us vs them covenant stuff. Archonex fucked around with this message at 13:52 on Apr 2, 2023 |
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Apr 2, 2023 13:29
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The first book is funny because it details all this horrendus poo poo the government does to keep the colonies in line but plays it all completely straight. Like 'yeah we dropped a nuclear bomb on a rebellious planet, anyway what's for lunch?'. That plus after the alien genocide war starts characters keep thinking 'boy thank God we kidnapped those children for our unproven genetic experiments and trained them to murder colonial agitators or else the aliens would REALLY be owning us'. I think at absolute best the author intends for it to be a 'hard choices for the right cause' thing which yeah, sucks. It's always been crazy to me that they make the 'good guy' government this insanely evil before the galactic genocide war starts. In a fictional setting sure I can see the government getting more desperate as literally billions of people are murdered by the aliens, but this all started because of colonial exploitation and the government is still portrayed as good. Even during the actual alien war when the democratic government is overthrown by a military junta so much stuff paints them as plucky heros. Lmao. More recent stuff has focused more and more on how the UNSC is evil, though even then it's lacklustre and most of the blame gets shifted to the space CIA which is essentially a rogue element doing whatever the gently caress it wants (woah real life??!!). And then you have the games where you machine gun funny little alien guys while your cool buddies cheer you on. In short, Halo owns. Edit: ^^ oh yeah and all the colonial rebels are portrayed as either evil or stupendously incompetent lol
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Apr 2, 2023 14:01
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Halo post Bungie seems to have the exact same issue Gears of War had post Epic; they are universes where a core conceit was you were playing with the horrendously awful and disgustingly fascist humans against some sort of extermination threat and then when their respective trilogies ended with humans being safe from that decided instead of addressing that backstory to motherfucking double down baby.
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Apr 2, 2023 14:15
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Gears 5 does at least have some interesting things to say about how the fascist government is in fact loving awful and terrible and is responsible for all the poo poo that people have to deal with. Also RIP to a real one. https://twitter.com/ryuichisakamoto/status/1642507238467309568?t=9J2xITiwKDMWmVq2YTJdNQ&s=19
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Apr 2, 2023 15:22
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Arc Hammer posted:https://twitter.com/ryuichisakamoto/status/1642507238467309568?t=9J2xITiwKDMWmVq2YTJdNQ&s=19 gently caress e: now I absolutely need to fulfill my mission to get my hands on the Criterion release of Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence Poo In An Alleyway fucked around with this message at 15:28 on Apr 2, 2023 |
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Apr 2, 2023 15:24
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feel like I've heard that name before. think youtube recommended me a random album from that guy. rip
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Apr 2, 2023 15:39
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kalel posted:feel like I've heard that name before. think youtube recommended me a random album from that guy. rip Well worth your time to look up his work with Yellow Magic Orchestra. I'd have loved to have seen them live at least once but alas This is what he's best known to a lot of people for: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsG2M66-_xc
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Apr 2, 2023 15:41
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Arc Hammer posted:
not paying attention until I hear it from driftingmouse
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Apr 2, 2023 15:47
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kalel posted:feel like I've heard that name before. think youtube recommended me a random album from that guy. rip Great composer, good buddies with David Bowie. You've probably heard his music before. Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence where he starred and did the music is a standout but he's also done stuff like The Revenant, Royal Space Force and a ton of stuff with Yellow Magic Orchestra
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Apr 2, 2023 15:54
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Arc Hammer posted:Gears 5 does at least have some interesting things to say about how the fascist government is in fact loving awful and terrible and is responsible for all the poo poo that people have to deal with. I saw this post, thank you
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Apr 2, 2023 15:56
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Space Kablooey posted:You sign up by being kidnapped as a child by the UN intelligence branch It owns that they wholesale ripped off how Space Marines are made in Warhammer to explain how Master Chiefs are made in Halo, but made it even more grimdark.
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Apr 2, 2023 16:48
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Arc Hammer posted:Also RIP to a real one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAFLW-dQpyE
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Apr 2, 2023 17:04
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Barudak posted:Halo post Bungie seems to have the exact same issue Gears of War had post Epic; they are universes where a core conceit was you were playing with the horrendously awful and disgustingly fascist humans against some sort of extermination threat and then when their respective trilogies ended with humans being safe from that decided instead of addressing that backstory to motherfucking double down baby. Yeah everything falls apart in Halo once you remove the existential threat of the Covenant exterminating the whole human race. 343 has floundered trying to relaunch the story for three games now, each one is basically a soft reboot trying to spawn a new trilogy, but it all goes nowhere like Halsey being arrested for her crimes in Halo 4 just for the whole thing to be dropped. It’s also one of the reasons the show sucks, since they inexplicably treat the war like some sideshow. The whole franchise seems headed for a big old reboot at this point.
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Apr 2, 2023 17:09
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Just bring back Keith David imo
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Apr 2, 2023 17:13
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who posted their bungie?
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Apr 2, 2023 17:14
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