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Not shown: Jim's horribly mangled legs.
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Apr 5, 2023 05:02
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| # ? Jun 3, 2024 21:28 |
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Jim, foppishly overdressed and overgroomed in a Balenciaga outfit, has an even more disquieting look than when he used to be lanky and scarecrow-like. Dwight steals a glance at him and gulps, ill at ease. Jim stares at the camera lifelessly.
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Apr 5, 2023 07:13
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jim sits up all night visualising words and images. the next day he comes to the office bragging about his new-found mental ability. dwight doesn't have the heart to tell him that this is a well-known phenomenon known as, "thinking"
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Apr 5, 2023 13:22
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Jim sits up all night visualizing words and images. Dwight, who has aphantasia, seethes with jealousy. Jim falls asleep at his desk, too sleepy to prank.
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Apr 5, 2023 13:37
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Dwight tells a small lie and confides to Michael that as a child he was always creeped out by mimes. Jim of course has the entire office bugged. These bugs are connected to the office network, and the data is downloaded to Jim's computer where a fairly advanced AI called H.A.L.P.E.R.T. (Human Assistant Logical Pranking Expert for Rapid Tricking) assists Jim by searching for keywords and logging timestamps. Jim receives notices and a short voice clip everytime Dwight mentions something that annoys or frightens him. Dwight doesn't care about mimes one way or the other, and the office experiences blessed silence for a month as Jim pretends to be a mime. (Trivia note. This is one of the earliest appearances of HALPERT on the show. Astute fans will recall that in later seasons the AI could determine if a person was lying to avoid false positives.)
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Apr 5, 2023 13:40
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Fell Mood posted:Dwight tells a small lie and confides to Michael that as a child he was always creeped out by mimes. Jim of course has the entire office bugged. These bugs are connected to the office network, and the data is downloaded to Jim's computer where a fairly advanced AI called H.A.L.P.E.R.T. (Human Assistant Logical Pranking Expert for Rapid Tricking) assists Jim by searching for keywords and logging timestamps. Jim receives notices and a short voice clip everytime Dwight mentions something that annoys or frightens him. So *this* is why Elon Musk (dressed as Waluigi) has been funding OpenAI
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Apr 5, 2023 13:49
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Jim has to hire an external contractor to commission the H.A.L.P.E.R.T. system for a fixed rate contract of 2.5MUSD. At the kickoff meeting, Jim meets with the lead developer, the project manager, and some company "leadership" (really just some mid level directors) and the group tries to define the project KPIs. Within minutes Jim is extremely bored. When the gantt chart is displayed showing the overall schedule with interdependencies and key project milestones, Jim suggests to the project team that they do less "leveraging their synergies" and more "shutting the gently caress up and getting to work." The project team is baffled by their client's behavior. Was he upset at the Panera boxed lunch menu? Maybe he was jetlagged from the 4 hour flight? Perhaps he wasn't impressed by the company's rebranding effort that was a hit with millennial and gen-z focus groups? "Um, Mr. Halpert, lets put a pin in this and circle back to " Jim lets out a long groan and bangs his head down forward on the conference room table.
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Apr 5, 2023 14:05
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https://youtu.be/MNP3xOW5srA
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Apr 5, 2023 14:22
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"Hey Dwight, can you go get me a soda from the machine?" Smiling at his coworker, Dwight stands up and heads into the breakroom. He fishes in his pocket for the appropriate amount of change, then gets Jim his favorite soda. He heads back to the desk and sets it down. "Thanks buddy. Hey, you didn't shake this up, did ya? Trying to prank the prankster? Hahah I'm just kidding," Jim smiles happily back at Dwight and then opens his drink, greedily swallowing gulp after gulp. Suddenly, Oscar stands up at his desk and begins to cry. "I can't do this anymore. If you're going to kill me, then just do it. I can't -" "SHUT UP OSCAR," Jim screeches at him, "SHUT THE gently caress UP RIGHT NOW!" "John, please, you need to let us go home. We have families, people who care about us. The police are going to find this place. If you let us go, we won't say anything." The rest of the office quickly agrees, they won't tell a soul about this. Kate Flannery stands up and begs to be set free, telling her captor that nobody ever needs to know what happened. "But Meredith," replies John Krasinski, "everybody's going to know. After all, we're on a documentary! There's the camera crew right there!" John Krasinski waves his arm towards a blank wall where several crude stick figures have been painted. John then waltzes over to the receptionist desk, where Jenna Fischer has been tied to a chair. "Hey, wanna see me prank Dwight?" Jenna, tears in her eyes, begs John to stop this insanity. She tells him that he needs help, and that everyone here is willing to get him the help he needs, no questions asked. "Oh, please, Pam. You sound just like Michael. Would you... would you like to join Michael?" Inside the darkened manager's office there is a large burlap sack with dark stains all over it. It moves, feebly, for just a moment. John mugs for the wall.
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Apr 5, 2023 15:15
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Dwight steps into the room for his weekly urology appointment and patiently waits for his doctor. However, the man who comes in is wearing what look to be surgical scrubs. His floppy hair is covered by a net and the surgical mask appears to be hiding a smirk. “Hey there,” says “Doctor Halpert,” “looks like Doctor Johnson can’t make it in today. You could say he’s been “tied up”, heh heh heh. Now let’s get a look!” Jim looks up from his clipboard but Dwight has already run out of the exam room.
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Apr 5, 2023 16:28
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poisonpill posted:Dwight steps into the room for his weekly urology appointment and patiently waits for his doctor. However, the man who comes in is wearing what look to be surgical scrubs. His floppy hair is covered by a net and the surgical mask appears to be hiding a smirk. “Hey there,” says “Doctor Halpert,” “looks like Doctor Johnson can’t make it in today. You could say he’s been “tied up”, heh heh heh. Now let’s get a look!” Unfortunately for Dwight this was a coincidence and he misses out on a necessary urological appointment.
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Apr 5, 2023 16:38
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When I was younger, just a bad little kid, My mama noticed funny things I did, Like shootin' Mose with a B B gun I'd wear running shoes, and when I was done I'd find a pussycat and prank in its head That's when my mama said She said, "My boy, I think someday You'll find a way To make your natural tendencies pay You'll work at Office You have a talent for causin' Dwight pain Son, work at Office Michael will pay you to be inhumane Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood And teaching would suit you still less Son, work at Office You'll be a success
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Apr 5, 2023 17:00
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Jim starts playing the song "Jane" by Jefferson Starship every time he walks into a room. At first Dwight is excited and believes that this might be leading to a Wet Hot American Summer inspired prank (one of his favorite movies) or perhaps a prank involving professional wrestler Orange Cassidy. However, Dwight's excitement soon turns to boredom as Jim is in fact referencing Cocaine Bear, eventually releasing a raging, cocaine-addicted bear into the office. Dwight finds the whole thing pretty uninspired and disappointing, especially considering the fertile ground that a cocaine-fueled wild animal should be for pranks. As Dwight subdues the bear he sees Jim standing in a corner playing on his phone, having apparently lost all interest in the prank himself. "Oh, uh, hold on a sec..." Jim mutters as he mugs half-assedly for the camera.
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Apr 5, 2023 17:08
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the cast of The Office and the cast of Seinfeld morph into a show called Offfeld this isn’t a prank, the actual casts of both shows are pulled to an alternate dimension where in order to survive they have to pantomime the script that blends both show settings halfway through season one the show seems to blur into the plot of Three’s Company and everyone has to share a single two bed one bath apartment while sneaking out to go on dates past the landlord, played by an extremely confused Matthew Perry
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Apr 5, 2023 18:16
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The cast of The Office and the cast of The Big Bang Theory morph into a show called The Big Bang Office. "Bazinga!" yells Jim as he kicks Dwight in the nuts extra hard.
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Apr 5, 2023 18:47
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The cast of The Office and the cast of Last Man Standing morph into the show Last Office Standing. Dwight is forced to endure Jim and Tim Allen yukking it up with each other about “Obama’s America” while trying to work.
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Apr 5, 2023 19:07
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The cast of the Office morph into a reality game show, America’s Top Urologist, where each week Dwight hands a silver catheter to the urologist getting ejected. Dwight keeps trying to eject “Doctor Halpert”, but Jim somehow keeps winning immunity challenges. “I didn’t come here to make friends,” Jim says to the camera in confessional right before a fade cut to the ad promo for later in the show showing Jim kicking Kevin in the balls.
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Apr 6, 2023 00:10
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Dwight is awakened by a horrible caterwauling outside his bedroom window. The screeching and yowling is so horrific that at first Dwight fears that Jim is tormenting cats again and hopes he has enough room in his freezer to peacefully euthanize the poor beasts. When Dwight looks outside, he sees that Jim has cloned Justin Roiland 25 times and organized all the clones into a choir to serenade Dwight with Christmas carols. "I'm going to need the walk-in freezer," Dwight sighs, knowing he will lose several hundred pounds of venison to spoilage. Jim—wearing double hearing protection—mugs for the camera as he conducts all the Roilands in a round of "Good King Wenceslaus."
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Apr 6, 2023 12:29
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Jim was fuming. He had just watched a video online of a dog playing Fortnite better than the current senator of Michigan. And to make matters worse, Pam was laughing hysterically at the video. "What's so funny, Pam? This isn't a joke. This dog is more talented than most people I know, and he's playing a video game! And to top it all off, there's a cow in the background watching like it's no big deal!" Jim shouted, throwing his hands up in exasperation. But Pam couldn't stop laughing. She found the whole situation too absurd not to chuckle at. This only made Jim angrier, and he took his frustration out on Dwight, who happened to be passing by. In a fit of rage, Jim pushed Dwight into a nearby table, causing it to collapse and injure Meredith, who was standing nearby. She was rushed to the hospital, and the whole office was in chaos. As Jim sat in the break room, feeling guilty and ashamed, he scribbled a brief poem on a napkin: The dog plays on, The cow looks on, And I sit here, Regretting my wrongs. The lesson is clear, Talent comes in all forms, And it's not worth the anger, Or the cost of a friend's harm.
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Apr 6, 2023 14:42
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Jzim puts Wshigt’s colamborator in tsaj-o.
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Apr 6, 2023 14:53
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Jim while Dwight had had had had had had had had had had had a better effect on Michael
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Apr 6, 2023 15:00
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Jim is going to be a good one day today so we should be able to make a plan for the next prank
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Apr 6, 2023 15:14
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Jim shits in the palm of Dwight's hand while Dwight is asleep, then tickles Dwight's nose so that Dwight slaps himself in the face with a handful of crap. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Apr 6, 2023 16:05
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Jim is at the park, feeding lit firecrackers to pigeons, when he happens to spot the top of Angela's parasol over a nearby hedge. A moment later, Angela comes around the corner, arm in arm with Dwight. The two are obviously on a romantic stroll. "Tee hee, won't balloon boy be surprised when I ruin his date!" cackles Jim. Jim crams his mouth full of as many lit firecrackers as he can stuff in his cheeks, intending to spit them at Dwight like a machine gun. Jim rushes up to Dwight, cheeks bulging with firecrackers. A moment later, Jim's entire head explodes, showering Dwight and Angela with blood, brain, and bome fragments. Dwight and Angela's date is completely ruined. Jim's teeth and eyeballs form a smirking pattern on a nearby tree.
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Apr 6, 2023 16:13
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jim successfully convinces the rest of the office that dwight's uncle was the goatse guy
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Apr 6, 2023 17:06
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Jim mugs the camera so hard, the fourth wall collapses.
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Apr 6, 2023 17:25
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Jim stays up all night visualizing pranks on the ceiling like in Queen's Gambit. The next day, Jim checkmates Dwight using the Scholar's mate sixty seven times in a row.
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Apr 6, 2023 17:41
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Jim stays up all night visualizing "mating" Dwight. Pam moves in with her parents.
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Apr 6, 2023 17:45
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Pam moves in with her parents only to discover three other Pams already living there. When Jim realizes a day and a half later that Pam has moved out, he sighs and orders H.A.L.P.E.R.T. to decant another Pam clone and upload her memories. Jim returns to his plans to prank Dwight by smoking a corncob pipe and blowing the smoke in Dwight's face.
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Apr 6, 2023 18:24
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Jim walks into the office one day dressed like Bob Marley and lights a huge spliff full of medical marijuana (Jim got a prescription from “Doctor Halpert”). He takes a giant puff and blows a massive cloud of smoke at Dwight. Because Jim cannot be fired (both for medical reasons and also because he has a “Crime Pass” from Justin Roiland), all of the blame goes to Dwight, who is guilty for technically inhaling some amount of a schedule 1 substance. Dwight is arrested and convicted, costing him thousands of dollars and resulting in two years of probation. Michael is playing “Hot, Hot, Hot” on steel drums the entire time.
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Apr 6, 2023 18:29
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Jim mugs the camera the expensive lens shatters and the camera man takes minor injuries from ceramic mug fragments, and files with his union a grievance that becomes a lawsuit the production company was leasing the camera equipment and failed to take out the proper insurance and owes for damages which prove to be extensive the combination of the employee lawsuit and money owed for the leased camera damages cause the production company to file for bankruptcy protection
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Apr 6, 2023 18:33
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Mug jimmys the camera
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Apr 6, 2023 18:53
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Jim, growing bored with the same old stale pranks, confines himself to the pranktorium to devise the world's first 4th dimensional prank. A montage begins with Jim flipping down a welding helmet and striking an arc on an unknown machine. In the next segment, a dirty and sweaty Jim tightens a bolt with a wrench. The segment ends with Jim's face lit by an off screen blue aura, as Jim's face twists into a devilish grin. The following Monday Dwight is riding the elevator up to the office to start the work week. When the elevator dings and the doors open, Jim is standing in front of him, and Jim kicks Dwight directly square in the balls, across all of space and time. Every concevable permutation of Dwight at every instant of his individual conscious lifespan gets kicked in the balls simultaneously. As infinite Dwight crumples to the ground, it releases an infinite amount of dark energy that sends a cascading tear down the fabric of space and time. This births life to an infinite set of new realities, all exploding into existence at a singularity in the center of Dwight's testicles of infinite heat and pressure.
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Apr 6, 2023 19:25
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Jim stays up all night visualizing pranks on the ceiling like in Queen's Gambit. Jim's obsession with chess begins to overshadow his relationship with Dwight, and Dwight leaves him.
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Apr 6, 2023 19:47
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Jim is still struggling to rid himself of most of a pallet of urinal cakes when he encounters a mysterious being known as a "Nyogami" or "urine god." The nyogami, being of a prankish nature, gives Jim his "Urinal Cake Note." A magical notebook that will cause any person whose name is written in the book to eat a urinal cake. Jim begins frantically writing Dwight's name over and over in the book, smirking maniacally.
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Apr 6, 2023 20:03
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Jim sells his urinal cakes, autographed, on ePrank. He uses the proceeds to buy more urinal cakes.
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Apr 7, 2023 00:43
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Jim imprints his mug onto Dwight's retina.
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Apr 7, 2023 07:07
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Jimmy Eats World
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Apr 7, 2023 13:58
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Jim summons "Captain Pepperoni" to "pep up" Dwight's safety presentation. Toby reminds Jim for the tenth time that "Captain Pepperoni" is supposed to stay in Jim's pants during work hours.
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Apr 7, 2023 16:40
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| # ? Jun 3, 2024 21:28 |
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Applewhite posted:Jim summons "Captain Pepperoni" to "pep up" Dwight's safety presentation. Jim sees Toby walk to the bathroom and follows in after him. While standing at the urinal beside Toby, and making direct eye contact, Jim pisses in his pants since he can't take his sausage out.
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Apr 7, 2023 18:33
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