|
Jim has all of Dwight's personal effects put into the vending machine and hands Dwight a bag of nickels. While Dwight is slowly purchasing every item, Creed errantly fires a deadly, poisoned blow dart, hitting the back of Dwight's unoccupied desk chair.
Drunk Nerds fucked around with this message at 16:28 on Apr 15, 2023 |
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 16:21
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 30, 2024 11:57 |
|
|
Jim uses Dwight's personal stationary to fax him, Dwight, a letter from "future Dwight" claiming the coffee is poisoned. He, current Dwight, runs through the office knocking everyone's coffee out of their hands. In the corner, Creed sighs, opens his desk, and pulls out a bottle with a skull and crossbones. He turns it upside down, revealing it to be empty.
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 16:22
|
|
|
Dwight goes to the doctor, as he is feeling a bit dizzy. His tests reveal he has slowly been administered aluminum phosphate, which can cause severe hypoglycemia if not counteracted by a sugar-dense diet. After being treated, Dwight returns to the office to find his stapler encased in Jell-O. He takes a bite, and gives Jim a loving look. In the corner, Creed has drawn a pencil mustache on his, Creed's face with a blue whiteboard marker. He shakes his fist and sighs, angrily.
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 16:28
|
|
|
Jim rebrands his food truck as “Eat at Jim’s”, a “throwback to the idyllic ‘50s” that serves “nothing but burghers”. Jim's burgers are unwholesomely delicious. Even Dwight is hooked. He's so enthralled by Jim's delicious food he doesn't notice that the line for Jim's food truck is slowly growing shorter. It's not until Dwight (now grotesquely fat) witnesses Jim feeding the dead body of one of the townsfolk into a giant meat grinder that he (Dwight) realizes what he's been eating. Dwight rushes to warn everyone, but the streets of Scranton are completely deserted. The police station is empty. The shops are empty. Cars lie abandoned in the street. Dwight has eaten everyone. Jim, wearing a paper hat and bloodstained apron, mugs for the camera. Applewhite fucked around with this message at 17:03 on Apr 15, 2023 |
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 17:00
|
|
|
Jim encloses himself within an onyx obelisk covered with Aramaic runes. Dwight doesn't like where this is going.
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 17:05
|
|
|
Jim rebrands his food truck as "Poopy Jaloopy's Goopy Shapoopie." When Dwight approaches the counter to ask Jim what the hell is going on, Jim slams the metal shutter down on Dwight's fingers. "This has been a 'Jimmy Jazz Prank!'" declares Jim, smirking for his YouTube channel.
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 17:09
|
|
|
Jim leases a Trans Am and parks it next to Dwight's. Every day Jim parks at the exact time as Dwight so that he can say "nice car" as Dwight is getting out. He does this until Dwight starts taking the bus to work.
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 17:15
|
|
|
Jim finally plucks up the courage to ask Charles Miner what a rundown is
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 18:06
|
|
|
Jim comes into the office dressed exactly like Dwight. He’s wearing the same glasses, mustard yellow shirt, and clip on tie. His usually floppy hair is combed like Dwight’s. “Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.” says Jim, completely deadpan. “Wait a minute… what’s going on?” asks Dwight. Before Jim can respond, a crossbow bolt embeds in his chest. Blood starts to spurt. Jim slumps to the side. “No… time… to warn,” he gasps with his dying breath. “Assassin… Creed.” Dwight grips Jim’s body and holds him close. Jim’s final words are, “Guttenprank. I love you, Balloon Boy.” Dwight’s vision of Jim clouds with tears, as they freely flow down his face.
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 18:23
|
|
|
Jim comes to work dressed exactly like a birthday clown. "Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica," says Jim, completely deadpan. Dwight rolls his eyes. "Oh I get it. You're implying I'm—" Jim squirts seltzer into Dwight's open mouth. While Dwight is sputtering and coughing, Jim mugs for the camera.
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 21:04
|
|
|
Jim steals the world's monuments and hides them all in Dwight's backyard. Dwight protests furiously as he's dragged away by ACME agents.
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 21:05
|
|
|
Jim uses a magic flute to give Dwight's an erection in the middle of Dwight's sexual harassment presentation.
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 21:38
|
|
|
Jim hides inside Dwight's ribcage and blows a coach's whistle at maximum volume just as Dwight's doctor puts his stethoscope to Dwight's chest.
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 21:39
|
|
|
Jim steals a fabulous diamond and mixes it in with the ice in Dwight's drink so that Dwight breaks several of his teeth when he tries to chew the ice.
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 21:56
|
|
|
jim falsifies evidence that suggests dwight was involved in ethnic cleansing at Srebrenica during the Bosnian war
|
|
#
?
Apr 15, 2023 22:39
|
|
|
Jim acquires the Morph Ball power up and uses it to hide in Dwight's bowling bag.
|
|
#
?
Apr 16, 2023 15:51
|
|
|
Jim gives Dwight osteoporosis.
|
|
#
?
Apr 16, 2023 16:09
|
|
|
Jim gives Dwight osteoporosis. In a rare bout of bad conscience Jim gives Dwight also Fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva thinking the two diseases will cancel each other out. They don't and for some reason Jim feels like mugging the camera. Erasable Penis fucked around with this message at 22:30 on Apr 16, 2023 |
|
#
?
Apr 16, 2023 22:27
|
|
|
Jim takes one of his magic beans to go back in time and warn a younger version of himself not to become a paper salesman. Instead, Jim becomes a urologist. The esteemed offices of Dr. Johnson, Dr. Cocktologist, and Dr. Prim cease to exist, erased from existence as the timeline changes. In the new timeline, urology is a disreputable profession, considered barely above faith healing and essential oils as treatment options. Instead, Doctor Halpert is the only urologist in town. Dwight sees him regularly. Jim prescribes viagra to Dwight. Jim gives Dwight an osteo
|
|
#
?
Apr 16, 2023 22:39
|
|
|
Jim gives Dwight scrotal elephantitis and jock itch
|
|
#
?
Apr 16, 2023 22:40
|
|
|
Jim gives Dwight a box full of evil and cautions Dwight never to open it. The box actually contains Mose's heartworm medicine.
|
|
#
?
Apr 16, 2023 23:15
|
|
|
"Doctor Halpert" gives Dwight a box full of evil and cautions Dwight never to open it. The box actually contains safe, proven vaccines against many formerly debilitating and deadly diseases.
|
|
#
?
Apr 16, 2023 23:37
|
|
|
"Doctor" Halpert (actually just a Ph.D in History) prescribes Dwight two rounds of the safe and proven COVID vaccine. Unfortunately for Dwight, Jim added a secret special ingredient - 5G microchips.
|
|
#
?
Apr 17, 2023 00:22
|
|
|
dwight desperately tries to convince himself that his constant urological problems and required visits to his urologist are somehow the fault of jim; sadly they are not.
|
|
#
?
Apr 17, 2023 01:07
|
|
|
Dr. Jim puts chemicals in the water that turn the freakin' Dwights gay
|
|
#
?
Apr 17, 2023 02:08
|
|
|
Jim, dressed as a clown, runs in the building and exclaims that the warehouse is on fire. Michael laughs and applauds. Jim, now alarmed at the lack of reaction, repeats his warning. Michael and Kevin laugh and applaud. Jim pulls the fire alarm, but the acclaim by now has swept the entire office, everybody is laughing at Jim's latest prank. Meredith is rolling on the floor in hysterical laughter. Even Dwight has a smile on his face. Three weeks of investigation by the Fire Marshal do nothing to explain why the fire alarms apparently didn't work, and nobody from the Dunder-Mifflin office made it out of the building alive.
|
|
#
?
Apr 17, 2023 06:29
|
|
|
Dwight gets up to make a photocopy. He makes absolutely sure his computer is locked. While he's away, Jim unlocks Dwight's computer with Dwight's credentials that Jim aquired with a keylogger, and he emails the FBI from Dwight's account confessing to the grisly unsolved Scranton murder spree in the fall of 2016. Jim makes sure to include details about the murders that were never made public.
|
|
#
?
Apr 17, 2023 18:25
|
|
|
Ryan feels his eyelid twitch. It's been almost twelve hours since Jim last pranked Dwight. He can't help it, he's addicted to them now. He keeps checking over by the front desk, just in case there's a prank waiting. But nothing. Ryan starts to walk toward Jim, to ask him if he could prank Dwight, just a little, but he stops himself. He doesn't want to seem desperate. He can wait a few more minutes. Maybe there'll be a prank then. Ryan looks at the clock and fidgets.
|
|
#
?
Apr 17, 2023 19:14
|
|
|
Jim pulls a fun prank on Dwight. It wasn't the best prank ever, but Jim did it, just as Ryan was about to lose his mind. Bliss. Ryan leans back in his chair, savoring the moments after a prank first hits. The few seconds of oblivion, before the craving comes back. It wasn't a great prank. Ryan wonders if there's going to be a better one soon.
|
|
#
?
Apr 17, 2023 19:16
|
|
|
Ryan can't wait for Jim's next prank. He decides to pull a prank himself. After all, it's the pranks that matter, right? It doesn't have to be Jim. Something simple. It's always funny when Jim kicks Dwight in the balls, right? Ryan thinks he can manage that. Ryan sees Dwight standing by the copying machine. Dwight's legs are slightly apart, a perfect fork for Ryan to drive his dainty foot into. Ryan charges up and kicks Dwight as hard as he can between the legs. Unfortunately it is not Dwight, but a hollow mannequin full of enraged wasps placed there by Jim. Ryan is brutally stung over 30% of his body and must be rushed to the hospital. Jim is furious when he comes back from his lunch break and discovers his "The Sting" prank has been ruined. Creed suddenly rolls in playing "The Entertainer" on a stand-up piano on wheels and Jim angrily waves him away.
|
|
#
?
Apr 17, 2023 21:35
|
|
|
Ryan can't wait for Jim's next prank. He decides to pull a prank himself. After all, it's the pranks that matter, right? It doesn't have to be Jim. Something simple. It's always funny when Jim kicks Dwight in the balls, right? Ryan thinks he can manage that. Ryan sees Dwight standing by the copying machine. Dwight's legs are slightly apart, a perfect fork for Ryan to drive his dainty foot into. Ryan charges up and kicks Dwight as hard as he can between the legs. Unfortunately for Ryan this is aggrevated assault and he is arrested shortly after. Jim mugs the camera. Erasable Penis fucked around with this message at 21:52 on Apr 17, 2023 |
|
#
?
Apr 17, 2023 21:48
|
|
|
Ryan can't wait for Jim's next prank. He decides to pull a prank himself. After all, it's the pranks that matter, right? It doesn't have to be Jim. Something simple. It's always funny when Jim kicks Dwight in the balls, right? Ryan thinks he can manage that. Ryan sees Dwight standing by the copying machine. Dwight's legs are slightly apart, a perfect fork for Ryan to drive his dainty foot into. Ryan charges up and kicks Dwight as hard as he can between the legs. And... nothing. He feels no different. No. No, he needs to try again. He kicks Dwight again. Harder. Nothing. Again. Harder. Nothing. Dwight is on the floor. Again. Nothing. Dwight is curled in pain. Again. Ryan begins to shake. His vision blurs and darkens. Dwight turns his head to look up at Ryan. But it's not Dwight's face. It's Jim's. Jim mugs up at Ryan. Ryan's blood runs cold. His vision goes and he collapses onto the floor.
|
|
#
?
Apr 18, 2023 01:52
|
|
|
Jim gives Dwight frosted tips. Ryan doesn't understand this prank.
|
|
#
?
Apr 18, 2023 01:52
|
|
|
Jim gives Dwight frosted flakes. Ryan doesn't understand this prank. (The prank is that Dwight’s favorite cereal is actually Count Chockula).
|
|
#
?
Apr 18, 2023 03:11
|
|
|
Jim pretends to have been bitten by a chocolate bat and drops hints that he (Jim) is transforming into a Count Chocula. Dwight can't stop himself from salivating.
|
|
#
?
Apr 18, 2023 03:24
|
|
|
Jim pretends to have been bitten by a cocaine bat and drops hints that he (Jim) is transforming into a Count Cocaina. Ryan can't stop himself from salivating.
|
|
#
?
Apr 18, 2023 03:57
|
|
|
Jim lets himself get bitten by a cocaine bat for real, for the “enhanced pranking speed” it provides. He also unwitting becomes the introductory vector of a novel virulent contagion (which rapidly spreads through Scranton due to the low vaccination rates caused by “Doctor Halpert’s” misinformation campaigns).
|
|
#
?
Apr 18, 2023 03:59
|
|
|
Creed grows concerned that all this will draw attention to his cocaine bat breeding operation.
|
|
#
?
Apr 18, 2023 04:02
|
|
|
Elon Musk (dressed as Waluigi) begs everyone at the office to become "Dunder Mifflin verified" for the low, low price of $4.20. Jim signs up immediately and tattles on Dwight for "not being a team player." Dwight is at the urologist and isn't even aware of what's going on at the office right now.
|
|
#
?
Apr 18, 2023 13:19
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 30, 2024 11:57 |
|
|
Dwight, cackling, encases Jim's stapler in jello Jim discovers this and screams at the top of his lungs for forty five seconds
|
|
#
?
Apr 18, 2023 13:27
|
|