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MorningMoon posted:lmao can't have poo poo in marvel NYC. You're just getting loving dressed and a costumed freakazoid grabs your necklace, you look out the window to ask for Iron Man to help and you can see the radiation cloud of whatever the gently caress the Avengers are doing in Jersey At least it's not Hank McCoy.
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Apr 17, 2023 18:36
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| # ? May 24, 2024 05:06 |
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Let's see.. cops take too long to get cherry picker to get man down safely, webbing dissolves, thug drops into busy traffic and is greviously injured but manages to survive, JJJ publishes story of heroic second story man who is just trying to make a living for his six kids and preggo wife, who was abandoned on light post by evil, craven Spider-Man, leaving him to die Man goes on the talk show circuit and proves to be a natural born celebrity, JJJ backs him and rubs his hand in glee as movie posters are created with a demonic Spider-Man dropping the innocent thief into the maw of hell, the movie becomes #1 hit, JJJ and the thief get richie richer All that Petey notices is that cops seem to take a few more pot shots at him than is usual
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Apr 17, 2023 19:00
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Meanwhile, that burglar Spidey just strung up is already thinking of how he's going to make jetpack armor out of prison license plates to become the dreaded Ladybug.
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Apr 17, 2023 20:48
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It just occurred to me New York City is a really goddamn big place and Spider-Man just has to hope he randomly runs into whatever specific villain he's looking for at the time.
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Apr 17, 2023 23:30
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Apr 18, 2023 05:53
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Twelve by Pies posted:It just occurred to me New York City is a really goddamn big place and Spider-Man just has to hope he randomly runs into whatever specific villain he's looking for at the time. This is why The Wall has only had the one appearance. He's been out there committing major crimes for the last 40 years in the Marvel Universe, but no one's noticed.
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Apr 18, 2023 06:08
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  Everyone is brain damaged.
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Apr 18, 2023 23:30
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Murdstone posted:
had he looked up he would've gotten blue fly on the thigh and the motherfucker would've fallen, splatten on the streets and that'd be that
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Apr 18, 2023 23:49
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Murdstone posted:
He called himself the Blue Fly twice you rich idiot
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Apr 19, 2023 05:59
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Going by that mind-breaking pose on the wall, I'm guessing Blue Fly is Jean-Pierre Polnareff?
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Apr 19, 2023 09:52
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Apr 19, 2023 17:21
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You know what? gently caress you May. You were being threatened by a refrigerator made of meat wielding a bullwhip. But you can't be happy he's off the street because some jerk who's never hurt a hair on your head exists
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Apr 19, 2023 18:42
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aunt may is jjj's target audience. old, gullible and perpetually terrified. it doesn't matter that the mere sight of a newspaper is so stimulating that it almost kills her. she'll never stop going back for more.
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Apr 19, 2023 19:30
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No, see, what's going on is that she 100% KNOWS Peter is Spider-Man. She also knows, if she gives him any emotional support, he's going to stop worrying so much, slack off, and then accidentally let another person close to him, potentially May herself, get offed by a robber he could have stopped. Aunt May has decided that the safest thing she can do for herself and for those Peter protects is to gaslight the living poo poo out of him, to keep him so neurotic he can't think to do anything but fight crime and sell pictures to an rear end in a top hat who hates him. Mary Jane is fine with it because it keeps his abs looking TIGHT AS gently caress
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Apr 19, 2023 20:30
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if she was that smart she would have found a way past the dreaded CAVE LUNG
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Apr 19, 2023 21:59
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Apr 19, 2023 22:31
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More proof that this is Aunt May just messing with Peter and trying to get him to quit being Spider-man already.
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Apr 19, 2023 23:35
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Spidey-Sense: 
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Apr 20, 2023 02:26
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Reminder: at least once in the Newspaper Spider-Man timeline, he has fought someone who impersonated him and was able to climb walls (the acrobat guy who was working for Kingpin). The other guy, the one working for Mr. Hooper the fake toymaker, did not actually use any suction cups or gyroscopes, although Peter was the one who told him to use suction cups and gyroscopes to copy his powers, so..
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Apr 20, 2023 04:41
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It occurs to me that a suit that can climb up walls, while good at high-rise burglaries, isn't really going to give you any significant advantage over Spider-Man. You already know he can climb up walls, so you're not going anywhere he can't reach, and now he's obligated to stop you since you're stepping on his turf. The fake Spider-Man who just walked into stores and robbed them while wearing a Halloween costume at least had a gun.
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Apr 20, 2023 04:49
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He actually didn't have a gun. He just walked in, shot silly string out of his wristbands, and the store clerks just went "You're clearly Spider-Man, don't hurt us, just take what you want!" It was Hooper who had the gun. Also, the acrobat working for Kingpin who impersonated Spidey had a gun as well, but his shot web, because the Kingpin didn't know about the web shooters.
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Apr 20, 2023 05:09
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there was also the big-time spiderman imposter from the '08 storyline
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Apr 20, 2023 05:56
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also this is apparently an '05 storyline, someone plz post it
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Apr 20, 2023 05:57
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So while I was looking back through the thread to figure out if Mr. Hooper's fake Spidey ever stuck to a wall, I got caught up in reading an old storyline and I think Peter vs The Carjackers actually is the greatest NSM storyline ever written. For those who forgot, the Cliff's Notes version: - MJ says that it's a lovely day and they should go out. Peter remarks that public transportation is too crowded and then angrily storms out of the apartment. - Peter says he's a failure as a husband because MJ makes more than him, and obviously a man making less than a woman is a humiliation worse than death. - He decides "I should do my job!" to make more money. He goes around taking pictures of horrible accidents and not helping them, what a hero. He takes enough in one day for a down payment on a car. - He nearly gets mugged after getting the paycheck, and decides to lift the thug over his head and throw him in the dumpster, as Peter Parker. - Peter comes home and says "Good news honey, all our problems are solved, as apartment dwellers in the heart of New York City, obviously we need a car!" - They go to a used car place where the extremely sketchy salesman shows them literal junkyard level cars, then sells them a decent looking convertible with a top that won't close. - MJ takes the car to work and gets carjacked. Peter vows he will capture the carjackers and enacts his clever plan. - Peter goes to a rental car place and rents a car. He drives to the place MJ got carjacked and stands beside his car for hours with the engine running as bait. - Peter hears an armed robbery taking place at a nearby shop and rushes into an alley to change into Spider-Man so he can capture the robber. - As this is happening, the carjackers show up and steal his car. - Peter goes to a rental car place and rents a car. He drives to the place MJ got carjacked and sits inside his car for hours with his arm in a sling as bait. - The carjackers drive up and abandon the car they are in to steal Peter's car. As they're about to drive off, they decide to stop and take Peter's wallet as well. - Peter stalls for time for no apparent reason, causing a cop to show up. This is bad because Peter cannot change into Spider-Man with a cop around, and the cop spooks the carjackers into driving off. - The carjackers apparently try to drive off in park, as they remain in the same spot long enough that the cop has already left, and allows Peter to put a tracker onto the car. - Peter changes into Spider-Man and follows the carjackers to a warehouse. Spider-Man declares he has the perfect plan to stop the carjackers. - Peter fucks off and goes home. - Peter puts on regular clothing and walks to the warehouse he followed the carjackers to. He knocks on the front door and says he has a car that needs repairs. - The carjackers recognize this is the idiot they just stole a car from and think this is incredibly fishy and want to kill him. - The used car salesman reveals himself as the boss of the carjacking ring. He sells a car, then steals it back, repairs and repaints it, and then...???? It's unclear what they do with the cars after that. - They throw Peter into the trunk of a car and a thug drives him out into the middle of the woods. Peter opens the trunk really fast and knocks the thug out for long enough to quickly throw off his clothes and become Spider-Man. - Spider-Man fights the thug for about an hour or so, then throws the thug into the trunk of the car and drives him back into NYC. He drops off the thug at the police station, then drives the car to the carjackers' warehouse. - Spider-Man breaks into the warehouse and beats up the thugs, which he could have done as soon as he found the warehouse, but the writers decided to add an entire month of strips of him going there as Peter for absolutely no reason. - Peter gets a check from the insurance company for the car he originally bought, I guess, which is somehow more than enough to purchase a new car even though he rented two other cars. - The storyline ends with MJ saying they don't need a car because they can take public transportation everywhere, which Peter agrees with wholeheartedly.
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Apr 20, 2023 06:59
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Twelve by Pies posted:So while I was looking back through the thread to figure out if Mr. Hooper's fake Spidey ever stuck to a wall, I got caught up in reading an old storyline and I think Peter vs The Carjackers actually is the greatest NSM storyline ever written. For those who forgot, the Cliff's Notes version: I wouldn't go that far. I don't think anything tops the acid trip that was Rocket Raccoon from start to finish, or the Fountain of Youth showing up and literally having a bathtub plug. But Peter vs. the Carjackers does have the benefit of Peter being completely incompetent from start to finish, and then getting unnecessarily excited about beating up one guy alone in the woods.
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Apr 20, 2023 07:18
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FYI, imgur is going to stop being a useful image host & is also going to start deleting old images: https://twitter.com/atomicthumbs/status/1648883351233896448 I'm already just using discord as my lazy alternative, but more imporantly for people who just read the thread: If you have any favorite NSM strips/images floating around the thread, save them ASAP. (and reminder that there's an an archive of imgur albums in the OP - you can easily download each album under the ... menu)
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Apr 20, 2023 07:47
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Goddammit Imgur, this is (currently) only for non-account images right? I've got like 13000 images on the (impossible to organize properly) site and who knows how long since they were last accessed, but that was the entire point of having them on the account!
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Apr 20, 2023 10:04
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It says only non-account will be removed, but I imagine unpaid accounts will are on the roadmap eventually.
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Apr 20, 2023 13:08
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Twelve by Pies posted:He actually didn't have a gun. He just walked in, shot silly string out of his wristbands, and the store clerks just went "You're clearly Spider-Man, don't hurt us, just take what you want!" It was Hooper who had the gun. No wristband of silly string. He just had a gun that shot silly string.
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Apr 20, 2023 17:23
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Apr 20, 2023 19:24
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MonsterEnvy posted:No wristband of silly string. He just had a gun that shot silly string.  Murdstone posted:
He had wristbands that shot silly string.  You are clearly confusing it with the acrobat who had a gun that shot webbing. The impostor Spider-Man never had a gun.Spider-Man steals his mask. He tries to run and slips. Then decides to try fisticuffs. He does try to use a trash can. As I said, it was Hooper who had the gun. The impostor Spider-Man had no gun, no suction cups, and no gyroscopes. Just a fake web shooter.
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Apr 20, 2023 20:28
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 Oh boy, a "Peter is perpetually broke" arc!
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Apr 21, 2023 06:40
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Haifisch posted:
Wow, those guides make enough for huge cars like that in New York?!
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Apr 21, 2023 09:29
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Darth TNT posted:Wow, those guides make enough for huge cars like that in New York?! Nope, Mary Jane is just spectacularly bad with money. "Hey Tiger, you're looking at a new Walmart greeter-in-training!" *jams toast with caviar in mouth*
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Apr 21, 2023 09:33
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There were never any gyroscopes..... 
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Apr 21, 2023 14:18
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 "Too busy to hear about how my boss thinks I'm a supervillain, huh? Typical." 
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Apr 21, 2023 22:32
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Jerusalem posted:There were never any gyroscopes..... It is incredibly dumb that Hooper rented an office for a single day to pretend to be a toymaker and learn the secrets of Spider-Man's super powers and how to copy them, and in the end his plan was exactly the same as if he'd just said to his minion "You should wear a Spider-Man suit and pretend to be him to rob jewelry stores."
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Apr 22, 2023 03:10
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Twelve by Pies posted:It is incredibly dumb that Hooper rented an office for a single day to pretend to be a toymaker and learn the secrets of Spider-Man's super powers and how to copy them, and in the end his plan was exactly the same as if he'd just said to his minion "You should wear a Spider-Man suit and pretend to be him to rob jewelry stores." Also apparently his scam was ENTIRELY reliant on Spider-Man seeing his ad and showing up within a day or two before his landlord realized the check had bounced and he had to skip out.
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Apr 22, 2023 04:18
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Apr 22, 2023 04:37
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Apr 22, 2023 05:55
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