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the local homeowners association tried to take me to task for building a druid bog in my backyard so my buddies could crash there comfortably, even though i had never joined their organization or agreed to their by-laws. but they were like oh we have an agreement with the city that you must be associated to a hoa to live in this neighborhood. so i called up one of my druid buddies and asked him to summon me a hydra and i gave it some LSD, and i was like "yea i'm associated with this HOA (hydra on acid) right here" and let it go on a rampage well things went the way you would probably expect and now this once-gated community has been turned into a 100-acre hydra swamp with a tiny plot of grass where my house stands. i like the new neighbors (wild boars and capybaras) but i could do without the mosquitos
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Apr 12, 2023 00:25
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Fur20 posted:the local homeowners association tried to take me to task for building a druid bog in my backyard so my buddies could crash there comfortably, even though i had never joined their organization or agreed to their by-laws. but they were like oh we have an agreement with the city that you must be associated to a hoa to live in this neighborhood. so i called up one of my druid buddies and asked him to summon me a hydra and i gave it some LSD, and i was like "yea i'm associated with this HOA (hydra on acid) right here" and let it go on a rampage Keep a careful eye on that hydra. A hydra is going to lose and grow a whole lot of heads after a battle like that. If the heads form a HOA, you'll be right back where you started.
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Apr 12, 2023 00:56
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HOA’s, pure lawful evil
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Apr 12, 2023 02:05
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Some villager kids were loving around in my hedge maze and woke me from my century sleep and when i went outside to suffocate them in a sulfurous fog they easily defeated me despite the fact i am the all-powerful elementalist doug the incarnadine. a hag told me it was some kind of "prophecy of the seven scions" but this is the first i am hearing of it have any of you guys heard of this poo poo?
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Apr 12, 2023 02:41
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Meddlesome kids wreck havoc on the well laid plans of the best of us. It’s uncanny. There’s no shame in it.
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Apr 12, 2023 04:06
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The best way to deal with kids like that is to show up in disguise and say some cryptic poo poo while pretending to help them. Sure they will outwardly get mad at you for speaking in riddles, but deep down they love that poo poo. Its a nice way to get free labor. I'm betting that Hag is just somebody that held a grudge against you. I've got some poor chump of farmer kid going on a grand quest to pick up some items I was too lazy to get myself. All it took was a sword with a minor enchantment.
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Apr 12, 2023 04:28
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Turpitude posted:a hag told me it was some kind of "prophecy of the seven scions" but this is the first i am hearing of it have any of you guys heard of this poo poo? "Oh I was such a loser in my previous life but now I have the ability to ReDeath!", "oh no I'm so muscled up by even Magmawyrms can't stand my flexing". Though I guess I've spent a good chunk of time watching the fog of ages show me how loving lame their previous lives were. Some dude fell over and died because he was reading too much.
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Apr 12, 2023 05:11
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IShallRiseAgain posted:The best way to deal with kids like that is to show up in disguise and say some cryptic poo poo while pretending to help them. Sure they will outwardly get mad at you for speaking in riddles, but deep down they love that poo poo. Not so sure about that. There’s this weird dude, short fella, who inter dimensionally summons groups of children from a more technological advanced world. He gives them some respectable magic items and dangles “quests” in front of them that this time they will find a way home. Weirdo is stringing them along for his own amusement. Amazingly, these “quests” cross paths with heavy hitters like Tiamat or Lolth and they are pissed. Eventually a group of abductees will die or age out and he’ll summon another bunch, rinse repeat. Those kids are not “loving that poo poo”. They’ve been kidnapped, they’re parents will never see them again, and will die some gruesome and idiotic deaths. I got no problem with child sacrifice if it buys more power or world domination, this is just some straight up weird child abduction poo poo. Oh and get this, the kidnapper calls himself “Dungeon Master”. Weirdo.
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Apr 12, 2023 06:37
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The best way to deal with kids is to poison their minds. I give them invisibillity scrolls and fire potions. I tell them to do crimes and leave me alone and if asked theyve never fuckin heard of me. Sometimes they want help on a bigger job. I send my familiar Ratty to case a shop and open the latch from inside, and the kids do all the bagging and take the fall if they get caught. I take a cut. I tell them to do elf graffiti while theyre in there, just to throw the city guard off our scent. Kids are useful
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Apr 12, 2023 06:49
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I'm looking to sell a castle freak. unbeknownst to me he was living in the castle of my aunt, which i recently inherited. I don't have anything against castle freaks but I am just not that kind of guy. I think it would be better if he lived in a castle that would appreciate him more.
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Apr 13, 2023 01:07
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Shout out to the poo poo golem chat from a bit back. Just tried that on the obnoxious cheerful burgh down the road, Happy Glen or Smiles Vale or whatever. Picture this, our heroes faced with a hardened horde of clay horrors When Suddenly their cleric is enlightened! "Hold fast as I wash away these crusty creatures with a cleansing rain." So the rain comes, my creations melt, they're all getting to their celebratory back patting when . . . the smell hits. It was just a thin layer of clay concealing a mass of poo poo! Smilevale (and the heroes) are now ankle deep in poop slurry! AHAHAHAHA Anyway, whole town died of cholera.
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Apr 18, 2023 21:23
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The other thread is making us evil wizards grouped in with the more focused profit seeking types. I stand that being a wizard is a harbinger of doom for everything around us. Late stage capitalists types still get an acknowledgment for the harm they do.
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Apr 27, 2023 01:08
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If you do evil for profit you don't deserve to call yourself a dark wizard. Choose to blow up the moon, burn and orphanage or beat up some nerds because it makes a statement!
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Apr 27, 2023 01:18
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Yvershek posted:The other thread is making us evil wizards grouped in with the more focused profit seeking types. lawful evil Colonel Cancer posted:If you do evil for profit you don't deserve to call yourself a dark wizard. Choose to blow up the moon, burn and orphanage or beat up some nerds because it makes a statement! chaotic evil
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Apr 27, 2023 03:02
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I'm just trying to transform people into more useful things like transforming them into ladybugs so you can harvest their ladybug oil?!
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Apr 27, 2023 06:39
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Ive definitely shrunk a dude very slightly in their sleep just to gently caress with em
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Apr 27, 2023 06:51
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So you say I could use my dark magic powers to automate our economy with unfeeling unthinking undead workers and bring humanity into a new age of prosperity and happiness but guess what? I spent all these years learning these magics so I could kick people down extra dimensional pits filled with skeletons and you better believe it that's all I'm gonna do.
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Apr 27, 2023 06:53
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I animate skeletons solely to use as scabs and wait i think i am in the wrong wizards thread.
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Apr 27, 2023 13:00
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I animated a bunch of scabs. Scab golem!
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Apr 27, 2023 13:38
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Hey cmon now, I may be someone who delves into the darkest tomes to spit in the face of god and wrest cthonic knowledge from between the worlds, but i'm not a landlord! Or anti-union!
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Apr 27, 2023 13:40
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sweet geek swag posted:I'm just trying to transform people into more useful things like transforming them into ladybugs so you can harvest their ladybug oil?! neutral evil although it is edging into chaotic neutral territory
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Apr 27, 2023 14:45
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FilthyImp posted:Hey cmon now, I may be someone who delves into the darkest tomes to spit in the face of god and wrest cthonic knowledge from between the worlds, but i'm not a landlord! Or anti-union! that is almost chaotic good, be careful or you could lose access to your entire evil magic skill tree sure okay posted:Ive definitely shrunk a dude very slightly in their sleep just to gently caress with em that’s just a good time
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Apr 27, 2023 14:47
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Does anyone knows why Goblin Gainz has stopped trading down at the marketplace? Their protein mix was the best in the realm
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Apr 27, 2023 15:10
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Faithless posted:Does anyone knows why Goblin Gainz has stopped trading down at the marketplace? Their protein mix was the best in the realm Oh yeah, someone did some independent lab testing and it turns out it's not made from goblins at all.
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Apr 27, 2023 15:16
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Goblinization is not the side effect most people want.
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Apr 27, 2023 18:57
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naem posted:that is almost chaotic good, be careful or you could lose access to your entire evil magic skill tree i've never really seen any great evil spells tbh, all my really good ones come from the chaos tree. people talk about Web or Glitterdust being top tier, but Imperiling Shart is truly the most powerful second-circle spell
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Apr 27, 2023 19:27
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naem posted:that is almost chaotic good, be careful or you could lose access to your entire evil magic skill tree just burn down the occasional orphanage and claim it's "chaotic neutral." that way you can still dabble freely in evil magic and you can sucker the good guys by occasionally teasing a redemption arc just to reveal that you had ulterior motives the whole time.
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Apr 27, 2023 20:01
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wheatpuppy posted:Oh yeah, someone did some independent lab testing and it turns out it's not made from goblins at all. Don't tell me it's made from people. I have been paying premium for people and if it turns out I could have been getting it at a discount...
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Apr 27, 2023 20:50
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OP is the real Wizard Master 
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Apr 27, 2023 20:52
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HelleSpud posted:Don't tell me it's made from people. I have been paying premium for people and if it turns out I could have been getting it at a discount... LOL nah, 100% cockroach, which you can get in bulk from that old one-eyed guy in the warehouse district without the 300% markup. If you are looking for savings on man-meat though, hit up my pal Viv at Soylent Femmes, tell her I sent you and we both get 10% off.
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Apr 27, 2023 21:02
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the holy poopacy posted:just burn down the occasional orphanage and claim it's "chaotic neutral." that way you can still dabble freely in evil magic and you can sucker the good guys by occasionally teasing a redemption arc just to reveal that you had ulterior motives the whole time. Ah, the Glen Beck maneuver. Pro tier advice.
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Apr 27, 2023 21:58
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With enough fire resistant orphanages or cheap zombified workforce you can have the scam going indefinitely.
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Apr 27, 2023 22:56
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I know guys who tried to use troll meat for supplements, once thinking he could sell it and it would regenerate back, easy money only it grew back inside his customers who exploded then the trolls got loose and ate some of their own meat, and regenerated whole new trolls after they exploded, then the trolls kept arguing over which was the real troll
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Apr 27, 2023 23:23
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Fur20 posted:i've never really seen any great evil spells tbh, all my really good ones come from the chaos tree. people talk about Web or Glitterdust being top tier, but Imperiling Shart is truly the most powerful second-circle spell Necromancy is the big exception, but I mostly agree. Feels like every time an evil tome crosses my path, everything's just an inferior version of a more neutral spell. You're paying a premium for the infernal theming and satisfaction of casting. Meanwhile there's a bog standard neutral spell that does the job better/cheaper.
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Apr 28, 2023 00:19
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Open door
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Apr 28, 2023 00:27
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naem posted:I know guys who tried to use troll meat for supplements, once thinking he could sell it and it would regenerate back, easy money Ever heard about a troll that liked to bite their nails?
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Apr 28, 2023 00:51
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naem posted:I know guys who tried to use troll meat for supplements, once thinking he could sell it and it would regenerate back, easy money Oh snap, that reminds me: If you're planning on going to the Vernal Fete at the Grande City of Lucida - don't. I've got a food booth reservation, a very unhappy troll chained in my shed, and the notion that I can both gather some coin for new reagents AND devastate a city in an exponential troll-splosion.
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Apr 28, 2023 03:09
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Hark unto me, dark brethren, for I beseech thy counsel! My maniacal schemes of conquest have run into an unexpected roadblock. Against all odds, my arch-nemesis Mumphredolf the White and I have fallen quite in love! However, he refuses to commit to making our relationship canonical. He claims "the subtext is there" but honestly it's as thin as his excuses. He promises to explore our relationship in a spinoff series but I'm wondering if this is too little, too late. Should I give him a second chance or is it time to betray him to the Gibbering Lords of the Uttervoid?
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Apr 28, 2023 06:15
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the holy poopacy posted:Hark unto me, dark brethren, for I beseech thy counsel! My maniacal schemes of conquest have run into an unexpected roadblock. Against all odds, my arch-nemesis Mumphredolf the White and I have fallen quite in love! However, he refuses to commit to making our relationship canonical. He claims "the subtext is there" but honestly it's as thin as his excuses. He promises to explore our relationship in a spinoff series but I'm wondering if this is too little, too late. Should I give him a second chance or is it time to betray him to the Gibbering Lords of the Uttervoid? Dude, you've been friend zoned. And from how you are talking, it sounds it's because you are an incessant drama hound. Take the hint, find a more positive relationship, and for god's sake talk like a normal person.
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Apr 28, 2023 06:35
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the holy poopacy posted:Hark unto me, dark brethren, for I beseech thy counsel! Charm person, dude. It’s magic not rocket science.
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Apr 28, 2023 06:44
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