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Rascar Capac posted:Jim reboots the show as a more modern sitcom, in which Dwight resolves the trauma of his upbringing after a single brief conversation with Michael. He becomes a less fearful, paranoid, and authoritarian person. Jim's 2023 reboot of This American Workspace is a critical and commercial disaster. The metacritic score sets a Guinness world record for the shittiest rated comedy or drama series, and the financial strain on Hulu causes them to immediately file for chapter 7 bankruptcy. The FCC is innuendated with complaints of the hardcore nudity and graphic depictions of several unmentionable acts, and the US Congress passes a rare bipartisan bill to prevent Jim Halpert from ever getting behind a camera lens again. As a result of the fallout, Dwight's reputation is ruined. He can't go anywhere without being spat on.
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May 16, 2023 20:53
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LaserPrinter69 posted:Jim's 2023 reboot of This American Workspace is a critical and commercial disaster. The metacritic score sets a Guinness world record for the shittiest rated comedy or drama series, and the financial strain on Hulu causes them to immediately file for chapter 7 bankruptcy. The FCC is innuendated with complaints of the hardcore nudity and graphic depictions of several unmentionable acts, and the US Congress passes a rare bipartisan bill to prevent Jim Halpert from ever getting behind a camera lens again. Jim however faces no real repercussions since he simply adopts the identity of his alter ego John Krasinski. A decade later when the dust has settled down and Dwight's reputation starts to recuperate, John starts the prequel series The American Kindergarden focusing solely on Dwight's most embarrassing moments growing up. After the first episode has aired, Dwight is getting spit on again on the regular.
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May 16, 2023 21:32
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Jim announces that he will now be "co-manager" of the office, along with Michael. "Sure," say Michael, sighing and burying his face in his hands. "Whatever. This is already 'The Jim Show,' anyway. You run the asylum, so you might as well run this place, too." The promotion somehow pays Jim less than he previously made as a salesman, and there is be no clear delineation of roles between Jim and Michael, leading to confusion about the basic functions of the workforce, like whether Jim has the authority to hire and fire people. Jim's antics, if anything, start to get worse. Jim begins harassing his coworkers with impressions, catch phrases from old movies, and clueless comments. He runs over Meredith with his car. Pam breaks down into tears as Jim once again makes everybody groan by standing up and delivering Chris Rock's infamous standup routine. "You're ruining my LIFE!" she wails. Jim mugs the camera. "That's what she said!"
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May 16, 2023 23:13
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It'sa leap year and today is February the 28th. Jim realizes that today, the prank-er, must become the prank-ee! He formulates an elaborate plan to get Dwight to prank him. Jim goes into his prank-cave(tm) and assembles some duckt-tape, buckets, confetti, rubber hoses, rubber bats, a herb garden, two sacks of quick drying cement, a cursed jar containing a Babadook, lots of blood, a sabotaged pair of self heating gloves, live bats, something called the "suckonator-5000", the complete DVD collection of British tv sitcom red dwarf, some pennies, remote mines, non-remote mines, a robot giraffe and all manner of other wacky apparel, he sets off to work at the reasonable time of 1 pm. When he arrives though, the office is closed and no one is there; words painted across the door read "closed due to cholera outbreak", Jim breaks down crying at the thought of his failure and thwarted desire to be pranked. Dwight peaks from around the corner, wet brush in hand, and mugs for the camera.
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May 17, 2023 10:04
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Dwight joins the Dunder Mifflin softball team and becomes a phenomenon thanks to his incredible “double corkscrew pitch”, a marvel of technique that no one can hit. An irritated Jim forms his own team, obsessed with the idea of beating Dwight’s pitch. The Famous Original Jim’s team doesn’t win a single game (mostly because the team consists of Jim and a handful of his friends from the Minions Fan Club), but they eventually get to face the Dunder Mifflin Paper Wasps. “Alright Dwight, get ready for me to prove how weak your pitch truly is!” Jim says as he steps up to the plate. Dwight grins - here on the field, he can make Jim eat a nice slice of humble pie. Maybe it’ll even cut back on the pranks at work? Either way - Dwight twists his fingers into the appropriate position to unleash his mighty pitch, then begins to stretch his arm back. He launches the ball, which twists and turns with a seemingly random trajectory. As it approaches home plate, Jim smiles, swings the bat, and connects. There’s a loud crack, the ball goes flying, and Jim scores a home run. 17 minutes later, Jim makes it back to home plate. This is not due to excess celebrating, oh no, his cardio is just really really bad. After the game (the Paper Wasps still win) Dwight asks how Jim figured out how to hit the pitch. Jim just mugs at him and walks away. In a talking head segment, Jim presents his bat. “And now you see the secret. I never hit Dwight’s pitch at all. But my bat includes a disintegrator laser, which destroyed his ball. Then, in the same moment, a second ball was launched from within my bat. It all happened so quickly that no one is the wiser. And, bonus points, the laser gave everyone within 300 feet testicular cancer.” When the production crew asks Jim if that includes him, he smiles. “Yup!”
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May 17, 2023 14:06
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A Fancy Hat posted:Dwight joins the Dunder Mifflin softball team and becomes a phenomenon thanks to his incredible “double corkscrew pitch”, a marvel of technique that no one can hit. Jim mugs the camera but it's evident that his heart isn't in it.
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May 17, 2023 14:40
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At Pam's funeral, Jim confesses that all the pranks on Dwight were because Jim noticed Dwight was a better artist than Pam. "I really did all of it to keep you from expressing your full artistic potential, you know, so Pam would feel better about things. No hard feelings, right? I mean, if anyone is to blame, it's actually her. You should be glad she's dead now, so you can get back to it.." Dwight thinks back on his life and all the art he never created due to recuperating from pranks, and then glances over at one of Pam's final portraits, framed on display. A crude and fetish-laden Sonic-inspired crayon drawing of Jim with 13 fingers on each hand, mugging at him.
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May 17, 2023 14:55
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Jim spends weeks in his pranktorium, tirelessly toiling away. In a montage sequence, Jim is seen flipping down his red and blue 3D glasses and igniting a welding torch, his face bathed in blue light. Next, a stubbly and sweaty Jim in a yellowed tank top is seen straining while pulling on a wrench. Then what appears to be a few days later (judging by the amount of piss bottles scattered on the floor) Jim is seen typing furiously with one hand while wiping sweat off his dirty brow with the other. At the end of the sequence, a dejected Jim stares over his machine. In all the animal trials, the mice and chimpanzees were cured of their testicular cancer. Jim, exhausted and out of ideas, collapses into his chair and puts his hands over his face. Suddenly an idea sparks through his mind. He rips off the panel door and begins rewiring the control circuit. "And if I just shift the 2nd phase by 120°, and multiply the harmonic frequency by 6.9%..." The machine begins to pulse and hum and Jim stares at it, bewildered and relieved. He aims the laser at the chimpanzee in the cage and flips the ignition switch. In seconds the chimpanzees testicles swell into a grotesque unnatural shape. "At last, my testicular cancer laser is operational! Now... to conceal it into a baseball bat..."
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May 17, 2023 15:03
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Jim shows up to work in a robot exoskeleton. He more or less destroys the whole office building with his 4m powered frame. This is somehow a prank on Dwight since he mentioned the movie Alien in a positive light.
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May 17, 2023 21:22
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Jim shows up to work with a swarm of Africanized “killer” bees. He more or less destroys the whole agricultural industry of the Western Hemisphere with his invasive, aggressive species that drive out native insects but then do not pollinate crops like them. This is somehow a prank on Dwight since he mentioned the Bee Movie in a negative light. As a result of the fallout, Dwight's reputation is ruined. He can't go anywhere without being spat on.
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May 18, 2023 01:17
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Jim activates the self destruct sequence in Dwight's car. Steam pipes begin to burst as the cooling unit is disabled, and a robotic voice starts to count down from 30. Random lights begin to strobe and klaxons blare. Dwight grabs his flamethrower and races toward the escape pod, but when he reaches it, Dwight realizes the last pod has been taken up by Jim's cat Jonesy. Jim and Jonesy mug the camera as they jettison into space, leaving Dwight to deal with the self destruction situation that's happening in T minus one minute.
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May 18, 2023 03:14
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Dwight is doing some chores around the house when there’s a knock at the door. Opening the door, he finds an obviously uncomfortable Jim standing there and straining. “Dwight, I know this is weird, but can I use your bathroom? I was driving by and, well, let’s just say I need to get something down on paper.” Dwight frowns. He just finished cleaning the bathroom, and it almost feels like a slap in the face for Jim to use the carefully scrubbed and sanitized toilet. But how bad could it be, really? Dwight lets Jim in and offers to walk him to the restroom. “No need,” Jim shouts as he waddles off, “I already know where it is!” 20 minutes later a refreshed looking Jim exits the bathroom. He thanks Dwight for the use of the bathroom and then heads home. Trembling with fear, Dwight peers in the bathroom. It looks okay so far, but he nervously lifts the toilet seat, expecting something nightmarish. Shock of shocks - it’s still spotless and clean. Dwight lets out a sigh of relief and heads back downstairs to finish his cleaning. “I stuck his toothbrush in my poo water,” Jim later explains to the production crew. Jim mugs for the camera.
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May 18, 2023 03:14
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To help pay for her upcoming legal fees, Pam starts taking commissions for art projects. Michael is the first to request a project, asking for a watercolor painting of himself and Holly. Pam says that’s no problem, she’ll have it to him in 3 weeks. When the painting is finished, Pam proudly presents it at work. “Wow, thanks Pam, it’s great!” Michael says, lying through his teeth. Holly has 6 fingers on one hand, Michael can charitably be described as “sort of cross-eyed”, and the non-Euclidean folds of their clothing hurt to look at it. Nonetheless, Michael smiles and pays the 500 dollars for the painting. “So, Dwight, you want some art, too? Right, Balloon Boy?” Jim, wearing a mustard stained shirt, asks between shoving handfuls of candy corn on his mouth. The separation is apparently hitting him quite hard, as he appears to be wearing the same thing he wore to work yesterday. Dwight says he’d love a painting from Pam, in fact why not create a triptych celebrating the Lord of the Rings trilogy? Pam says she’s never heard of that word, so Dwight just asks for 3 paintings. Pam rushes back to her desk with a smile, already sketching his designs. Dwight glances over and frowns when he sees some of the design choices, but whatever, it’s to support a friend. “I didn’t even have to prank you this time, Dwight. You’ll be down a couple hundred bucks, holding 3 lovely paintings, and you can’t get rid of them in case Pam ever comes over. How’s it feel to be such a drat sappy loser?” Dwight looks over at Pam, smiling as she sketches away. He looks back at Jim, red-rimmed eyes bleary and unfocused, stubble coating his face and neck. And, finally, he looks over at his wife Angela. Dwight says that it feels pretty good.
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May 18, 2023 17:42
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dwight contemplates getting a tesla. "good idea" grins jim
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May 18, 2023 17:47
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Jim paints a rock to look like a beet, then Dwight bites into it and cracks his teeth.
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May 19, 2023 00:58
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Jim paints all of Dwight's beets black like rocks causing Dwight to miss an entire harvest. Now Dwight does not have enough money to fix his broken teeth and can only eat soup.
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May 19, 2023 10:02
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Jim ejaculates into Dwight's soup. He also blurts, exclaims, vociferates, and bursts out into it. While Dwight is distracted by Jim yelling into his, Dwight's, lunch, Jim also jizzes in it.
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May 19, 2023 11:29
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Jim paints Dwight's beets with a non-food grade acrylic red paint. The entire crop is tainted, and Dwight is forced to sell for pennies on the dollar to a famished south American nation that doesn't have strict food safety requirements.
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May 19, 2023 12:01
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LaserPrinter69 posted:Jim paints Dwight's beets with a non-food grade acrylic red paint. The entire crop is tainted, and Dwight is forced to sell for pennies on the dollar to a famished south American nation that doesn't have strict food safety requirements. That Nation is called America. Canadian Jim mugs the camera.
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May 19, 2023 12:22
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American and Canadian Jim attempt to form a Prankster’s Alliance, but American Jim keeps saying “what’s this all aboot, eh?”, offending his northern cousin and ensuring no alliance will be formed. Mexican Jim thankfully stays out of this, preferring to avoid “that weird rear end in a top hat from the US”.
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May 19, 2023 14:33
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Enter the very efficient and humorless German-Jim: "Dwight shall, how do you say....suffer, von my prankings"
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May 19, 2023 15:39
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RickRogers posted:Enter the very efficient and humorless German-Jim: Deutsch-Jim heißt eigentlich Ulf und wir hatten unsere eigenes Spinoff namens Stromberg, Dankeschön! (We had a German Version called Stromberg, German Jim is called Ulf and pranks a guy called Ernie (His real name is Berthold)  Stromberg is very depressing and dark especially later on. Stromberg works for an insurance company and gets fired over sexually harassing a cleaning lady,but manages to save his job and gets put into tiny backwater branch office where he's completely miserable. Think Bojack Horseman but The Office I can recommend that this thread watches Stromberg,with subtitles Jack-Off Lantern fucked around with this message at 16:05 on May 19, 2023 |
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May 19, 2023 15:50
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loving Ulf, what an rear end in a top hat.
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May 19, 2023 16:28
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Ulf blickt in die Kamera.
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May 19, 2023 19:06
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Jim decides to broaden his horizon and participate in a prankster's exchange to Germany. Ulf the German prankster will go to Scranton while Jim will go to Cologne. Once arrived Jim quickly recognises the power structures in the insurance company where Ulf works: Ernie is the victim, Stromberg the Boss and Tanja the love interest. Ernie is tasked with instructing Jim and takes this very serious: he does not stop to talk to Jim even though Ernie does not speak English and Jim doesn't speak German. While doing so Ernie gets uncomfortably close to Jim. This is when Jim notices that Ernie has both halitosis and bad body odor; Jim almost faints and tries to flee to Tanja. Tanja is upset about Ulf's absence and blames Jim for it. Hence she does not speak a word to him and even encourages Ernie to up his efforts. After a week of this Jim is contemplating suicide. Stromberg just observes the situation from his office while frowning and never interacts with Jim. In the meantime Ulf has forged great working relationships with everyone with his quirky and easygoing nature and even started an affair with Pam who reciprocated quickly. Ulf mugs the camera while Jim jumps from a bridge into the Rhine. Erasable Penis fucked around with this message at 20:43 on May 19, 2023 |
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May 19, 2023 20:39
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What if Jim killed Dwight?
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May 19, 2023 22:10
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Joke Miriam posted:What if Jim killed Dwight? Again?
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May 19, 2023 22:53
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"Don't you remember, Dwight? You've been dead this whole movie!" Jim cackles for the camera.
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May 19, 2023 23:21
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Jim electrocutes Dwight to death over the course of several days with a car battery in a CIA black site. “Again, Jim?” asks Dwight, disdainfully, just before he expires. “You’re kind of getting stale, here.”
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May 19, 2023 23:35
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'murica Jim is having a rough go of things with his prank exchange family. He ties a rubber band to the dish sprayer attachment so when his host dad turns on the sink, he gets squirted with water. Anticipating joyous laughter, Jim's balloon is deflated when the prank father begins screaming at him at the top of his lungs DIESER STREICH IST KINDISCH ABER ICH FINDE IHN ZIEMLICH HUMORVOLL with fury in his eyes and neck veins bulging. Dejected, Jim sulks back to his room to write in his diary.
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May 20, 2023 05:28
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andy catches a Shiny Tiny Jim and dwight is jealous
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May 20, 2023 10:21
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Jim is arrested for flashing his shiny tiny jim at the bus station. As he's being dragged away by police he yells loudly so everyone can hear him "I'm Dwight Schrute and I work at dunder milf and I just looooove showing my dangly bits to strangers"
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May 20, 2023 10:46
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LaserPrinter69 posted:Jim is arrested for flashing his shiny tiny jim at the bus station. As he's being dragged away by police he yells loudly so everyone can hear him "I'm Dwight Schrute and I work at dunder milf and I just looooove showing my dangly bits to strangers" A passing teen shouts back to Jim, "you stole that line from Rick and Morty". Jim is stunned for a few seconds, just puffing and looking at his feet. After a long awkward pause he scream back with all his might, "Nooooo I didn't", but the teen is out of earshot. Jim, still being dragged to the police car is frantically pleading with the cop, asking them to believe him that the line was his own original thought. They ignore him and slam the door. At the station, Jim is starting to regain his composure. He's started dropping Dwight conversation pieces and adopted some mannerisms (all of which were long discarded in season two). Jim let's a little grin slip when the officer takes his wallet with his special fake Dwight ID in it. While Jim is standing infront of the camera taking a frontal portrait he hears the arresting officer talking to himself while typing in the report. "Male 39, caucasian. . . Halpert. . ." Jim's grin fades. "Public indecency while shouting. . . Rick and Morty lines. . ." With tears streaming down his face, Jim mug-shots for the camera.
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May 20, 2023 14:11
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Jim replaces Dwight’s shower curtain with an incredibly thing, prototype LED screen that functions like a plastic sheet. Dwight has no idea, as Jim’s set the device to project an exact copy of Dwight’s older shower curtain, which was mustard yellow. One day, Dwight is showering before work when, suddenly, his shower curtain is covered in cockroaches and snakes. Nude and wet, Dwight fears for his safety and attempts to flee the shower without upsetting the angry critters. As he does, suddenly the shower curtain is engulfed with a massive anaconda, which hisses at Dwight and lunges. Dwight screams, slips on some soap, and conks his head on his soap dish and crumbles to the floor of the shower. As blood swirls from his open head wound down the drain, Jim appears wearing a wig and dress. “Jeez, Dwight really went PSYCHO in here!” Jim the wraps up Dwight’s body in the shower curtain (the experimental material costs about 400 thousand dollars a yard, buries him in the beet field, and then calls the police to report a murder. “Yeah, it’s me, Jim. Jim Halpert. I just murdered Dwight Schrute. I’m mugging right now, in fact.” That’s a lie, but Jim feels the need to keep up appearances. He kneels down in front of Dwight’s makeshift grave and stares at it, unblinking, until the police arrive. Guns drawn, they take him into custody. At the Scranton Jail, the ask Jim why he did it. “Because I’ll just be doing it again tomorrow, too. You won’t remember this. Dwight won’t, either. But I will. And maybe Oscar. In fact, we’ve met before, Officer Tenkins. How’s your son doing, by the way? Still playing the clarinet?” Jim’s interrogation is full of these odd statements, which the police mark down as information he’s found out online, and he’s placed into a holding cell. There, he mugs for the security camera. The guard is so disturbed by Jim’s constant vacant stare that he turns off the camera. When he does, Jim blinks out of existence. “Hey, why’d you shut off the camera in cell 7?” “Oh, uh…. Good question. Let me turn it back on.” There is just an empty cell. And, back at Schrute Farms, Dwight finishes his shower without any unusual activity at all. He pulls open his shower curtain, it’s just a curtain this time, and begins to towel off his slender, sturdy frame. Jim wakes up in his race car bed.
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May 20, 2023 17:09
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Jim becomes immunocompromised in order to create new Covid variants in his body on his 96th infection. His intention is to cancel Dwight's birthday party but instead he just dies. On the next day Jim wakes up in his red racecar bed.
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May 20, 2023 23:17
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Jim borrows Dwight's pen without asking. Dwight's rabbits run through the farm, uncontrolled, consuming all his beet harvest for the year.
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May 21, 2023 06:12
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Dwight is plowing his beet field when he discovers a strange stone tablet buried in the ground. Something is written in a language he doesn’t understand, so he takes it to Scranton University’s archaeological department to see if they have any leads. The researchers are baffled but begin their work, convinced that they’ll figure out this mystery. Weeks later, Dwight has all but forgotten about the stone and returned to his normal routine. However, while digging a hole to plant a lemon tree, he hits another stone. He carefully removes it, only to find another stone tablet seemingly written in that same unusual language. This process repeats itself one more time, with Dwight stumbling upon the stone as he removes a dead stump from his yard. Months pass without any results, and Dwight decides the stones might very well have just been a prank from Jim to slightly slow down the progress of completing all of his chores. Then his phone rings. “Dwight! We finally translated the stones. They actually predate human language as we know it, can you believe it? These stones date back to the dawn of man, a time when we didn’t know humans had language, let alone a written language! Now I suppose it’s possible a much later generation carved ancient stones, but we won’t know that for sure until we cross check this with some of the bigger universities across the globe. Anyway, I may as well just read what they say. We think it’s a primitive joke of some kind, albeit a poorly constructed and kind of bizarre one. BEET MAN DO GOOD THING FLOP MAN MAKE WORSE FLOP MAN SMILE AT WORLD” Dwight goes silent on the phone. “Dwight? Dwight? You there, buddy? This is huge! And we want you to share in our discovery! After all, it was on your property! You might say it was waiting for you for countless millennia!”
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May 21, 2023 06:28
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Jim reboots The Office as a modern sitcom, with many characters having arbitrary changes made to their race and sexuality. Dwight writes a careful review about the awful acting, terrible script, and lousy direction. Dwight's article receives many responses accusing him of racism and homophobia. Jim holds up a print-out of the Rotten Tomatoes score for his show: 2% audience score, 4% critics score. His eyebrows are raised all the way. Cut to Dwight, who is clearing out his desk into a cardboard box. Michael grimaces and says Dwight's sales numbers aren't worth his "problematic" statements. Toby shakes his head, forlorn and disapproving. Jim watches through the blinds and smirks as Dwight drives away for the last time.
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May 21, 2023 14:03
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Nameless_Steve posted:Jim reboots The Office as a modern sitcom, with many characters having arbitrary changes made to their race and sexuality. The next day, Jim wakes up in his racecar bed. He heads into the office and sees Dwight, along with the rest of the workers, dutifully working away, with no memory of the previous day.
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May 21, 2023 14:18
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Jim crashes the experimental dirigible The Halpenberg into Dunder Mifflin. Making matters worse, the “experimental” part of the dirigible is the fact that it’s filled with human feces.
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May 21, 2023 23:21
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