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I definitely do think in stories, but I get what you mean about the system. Identify problem, take steps towards solving it, could everybody please stop talking in circles, we already know what to do, let's get to it so we can move on. I think that's what you mean, right? I've figured out that a lot of the time when people complain to you, they don't actually want to hear the simple solution, they'd much prefer it if you listened, nodded and made some approving sounds. It took me a while, because my dad is very much an "Identify problem, tell solution" person. Most people confuse that with not caring, but for me it's always been clear as day that he does care, and this is his way of showing it. He sees something that's a problem, worries about it and solves it, that's pretty nice and caring, isn't it? And it feels natural, too, but people who didn't grow up in my household don't want that, they want to vent or let off steam or feel like somebody's listening to them. I usually go with that approach, even if it feels like a poor alternative to actually doing something.
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May 28, 2023 08:55
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Pretty much yea, I'm probably similar to you and your dad in that respect though, mind you so was my dad. I feel like for most people venting is part of the problem solving process, one way or the other. Similar to breaking down the problem into sections, I think, but for emotional response. I feel like I do that part later, solve the problem first and then decide how I feel about it, which may not be the best approach either I guess.
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May 28, 2023 12:59
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Trying not to give people advice has been the bane of my existence.
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May 28, 2023 13:48
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I've had some success in reigning in my problem solving drive by working to identify and reframe the problem. "Is this person's problem really $problem or is their problem the need to process their emotions about $problem". Redefining it to "unprocessed emotions about $problem" makes it a lot easier for me to sit and listen and run through the empathy scripts without getting distracted by the shiny problem to solve.
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May 28, 2023 13:57
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Ok yes thank you I feel valid now. "The problem tells you how to solve it! Why would anything so ephemeral as "what people want" EVER matter?!?!"
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May 28, 2023 14:20
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Bobby Deluxe posted:Trying not to give people advice has been the bane of my existence. One of the reasons I love being a consultant
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May 28, 2023 23:57
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Please be kind to allistic people because they have communication deficits where they can’t always directly explain their actual needs
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May 29, 2023 16:34
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Hey gang, what kind of person is described when using the term "allistic"? I've never heard the term used in meatspace but I'm seeing it more and more online. Definitions seem to range from "it just means not-autistic" to "having very autistic traits but without a diagnosis" to "having bi-polar disorder, AD&D, some neurological disorder, but not autism"
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May 30, 2023 16:21
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Allistic = Not Autistic It and neurotypical get used as synonyms, but they’re not exactly the same. All neurotypical people are allistic, but not all allistics are neurotypical.
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May 30, 2023 16:23
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Schizophrenics are generally allistic but clearly aren't neurotypical.
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May 30, 2023 16:45
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Allistic means not autistic, the two apparently come from opposing linguistic roots, like cis and trans - it's a word that's degined by what it isn't, rather than what it is. It's being used more and more because 'neurotypical' as a term to cover anyone without autism is kind of inaccurate / presumptive, since it doesn't cover non-autistic people with other neurodivergences like schizophrenia, bipolar, epilepsy etc. Also 'neurotypicals' is becoming kind of cliche'd and taken with offence because of its overuse.
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May 30, 2023 23:09
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Bobby Deluxe posted:Also 'neurotypicals' is becoming kind of cliche'd and taken with offence because of its overuse. I mean, wasn't that the point from the beginning? a bit of turnabout is fair play kinda thing to do to them what they do to us when they pigeonhole and clinicalize "the autistics"?
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May 30, 2023 23:34
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TIP posted:I mean, wasn't that the point from the beginning? a bit of turnabout is fair play kinda thing to do to them what they do to us when they pigeonhole and clinicalize "the autistics"? It's never a good idea. Non-autistic people aren't the enemy. I don't even really like seeing 'normies'.
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May 30, 2023 23:39
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HopperUK posted:It's never a good idea. Non-autistic people aren't the enemy. I don't even really like seeing 'normies'. I'm not saying it's a good idea, just saying it's the idea
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May 30, 2023 23:41
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The term that I think has been overused is neurospicy
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May 30, 2023 23:56
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whydirt posted:The term that I think has been overused is neurospicy And that term only came to be because the word Autism gets suppressed on Tiktok/YouTube. Now people just assume it's an actual term and not a workaround.
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May 31, 2023 01:07
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I've literally never heard it called that before.
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May 31, 2023 01:16
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I've seen neurospicy a lot and it has always bugged the poo poo out of me. I didn't know it was an algorithm workaround thing, I just thought people thought they were being cute, and it irrationally annoyed me, like when people say "cool beans"
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May 31, 2023 05:41
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SetsunaMeioh posted:And that term only came to be because the word Autism gets suppressed on Tiktok/YouTube. Now people just assume it's an actual term and not a workaround. I had to dig a bit to find info on the TikTok censorship and lol that they claimed they hid people who were autistic, LGBTQ, or fat to "prevent bullying" more like preemptive bullying
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May 31, 2023 05:59
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TIP posted:I mean, wasn't that the point from the beginning? a bit of turnabout is fair play kinda thing to do to them what they do to us when they pigeonhole and clinicalize "the autistics"? A side-effect of that though is that autistic discussions tend to contain a lot of 'loving neurotypicals/allistics' in the same way trans discussions contain a lot of 'loving cisgenders' and really any LGBTQ+ discussion contains a lot of 'loving straights.' Any outgroup is going to have some complaints about how the ingroup behaves toward them, which does have the unfortunate side effect of making it seem like that term is a perjorative - because it's very often used like one. When it's more that if the ingroup could try to be a little less of a dick in general, it wouldn't come across that way.
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May 31, 2023 12:44
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neurospicy / spicy brains is a term I've heard in relation to ADHD for some time that's seemed to take on a wider meaning over time, I have friends that use it and I have friends that hate it, doesn't bother me 
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May 31, 2023 16:43
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I dislike it only when it’s used by as a way to make autism/adhd seem like fun quirks and discount them as disabilities
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May 31, 2023 17:35
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Yeah, I generally only feel comfortable using that language with other NDs and don't appreciate when NT people use it. It's nice to have language to use among ourselves, especially kinder language that isn't "divergent" but yeah, feels like it's minimalizing struggle when use by or with NT people
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May 31, 2023 19:00
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Bobby Deluxe posted:Allistic means not autistic, the two apparently come from opposing linguistic roots, like cis and trans - it's a word that's degined by what it isn't, rather than what it is. I recognized this root only from work history with autologous and allogeneic bone marrow transplants, which seems even farther afield than recognizing cis and trans from chemistry.
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Jun 1, 2023 04:14
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whydirt posted:Please be kind to allistic people because they have communication deficits where they can’t always directly explain their actual needs It really does feel that way sometimes... It's like with that whole "Autistic people have no theory of mind, so they can't understand why people would think different than them" thing. That one always weirds me out, because I'd bet almost everybody in this thread has been in a situation where people refused to believe they were experiencing discomfort because they themselves were fine. "That sound isn't painful, I don't feel a thing." "I'm find with crowds, why aren't you?" "Stop whining, I have no problem."
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Jun 1, 2023 11:37
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Cloacamazing! posted:It really does feel that way sometimes... As someone's who's an "outgoing autistic", ugh, yes, this so much. People don't always get that while I love people, being around them, etc. I don't always LIKE certain situations, certain types of crowds, certain types of venues, etc. Or that, well, sometimes my social battery is just DRAINED and taking forever to recharge. It's part of the reason I've made the choice to try and invest my time / energy into my groups that are primarily ND and ND-friendly. There's less "Deal With It" attitude and more "How can I help?" attitude.
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Jun 1, 2023 15:02
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One thing I've had some luck with is that I'm "full" from socializing, the food metaphor helps explain borg why I'm done socializing at the moment but also that I've had a good time. That's with people I know, mind. I generally don't socialize with strangers, barring New colleagues.
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Jun 1, 2023 15:15
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Cloacamazing! posted:It really does feel that way sometimes... that one especially rules yeah :| have had people, incl one friend who diagnoses children w/ ASD for their job, tell me adamantly that there's nooo way i could have autism, because of the one. heard I'm "really insightful about how other people think, display a lot of emotional intelligence and understand abstractions. if you did have autism, you most likely wouldn't be capable of recognizing that your brain works differently in that way, you wouldn't be able to consider it " and i believed it ignoring that my entire life i've been surrounded by people unanimously agreeing to thinking or doing things i never have done/thought myself nor understood, yeah, definitely impossible to imagine any way to notice that you don't do any of those things everybody else does, or when you ask other people if they do things that you always do, only to have them look like you just asked if fhey ever eat dirt ignoring the part where I've had to learn how to, very consciously and intentionally, observe consistencies in how each person i encounter tends to think and behaves to get a sense for how they react to things, what their values, principles, and motivations are, AND what I appear to prioritize/value to them since i know they'll frame what i do or say in that context. Then have to take that gaussian distribution of details, personality traits and interess I've broken them down to and scaffold together a mental profile of causes snd effects from what I've observed w/ them, other similar people, mutual friends etc. and hope im not too far off from an accurate understanding so i can tackle complicated goals like "making sure i don't upset people or make them think I'm rude or "be fun company" ignoring that i first taught myself to do all of that because i DIDN'T understand how to not clash with people constantly, they kept getting suoer angry with me and I'd never see it coming beforehand, because if i try to put myself in someone else's shoes in a way that's naturally intuitive to how i personally think, i end up with less than no insight, i can't actually think like others in that natural, instinctive mirror neurons way. i just emulate the process like a bar trick or something, uncorking thd 'theory of mind' bottle by sticking it in a shoe and slapping it against the ground funny enough, that one thing in particular, the way i navigate all that stuff, i never considered asking about or mentioning, ever-affer i started doin it, i just assumed everyone else just did the same thing & that people only didn't mention it because... "duh, how else would anyone do it?"
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Jun 1, 2023 17:26
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FirstnameLastname posted:funny enough, that one thing in particular, the way i navigate all that stuff, i never considered asking about or mentioning, ever-affer i started doin it, i just assumed everyone else just did the same thing & that people only didn't mention it because... "duh, how else would anyone do it?" That part, hell yeah. I learned that this is not how other people do it in a talk with the therapist who diagnosed me. That was an interesting revelation.
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Jun 2, 2023 17:21
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I’ve been in therapy and psych for decade+ since my late teens and have an ADHD diagnosis, and it’s never been suggested. Professionals even think I’m nice and friendly. I like hugs and I’m fine with social contact. But there’s been a few times where even the ADHD threads have gone “um Cool… r u sure that’s not autism.” I was never able to make friends or socialise well until I dedicated myself to it. My body language is something I manually studied, like the trick of mirroring people to make them like you more, and I tend to just rotate the same gestures. Embarrassingly enough one common one even comes from a video game. I worked really hard to become someone who can win at being a normal social person who makes friends. And I script out convos a lot before I say things. I’ve always chalked it up to a mix of severe social anxiety and ADHD. And I have some other weird habits I guess, but also chalked it up to that. But today I idly bumped into the CAT-Q for masking tests and.  This is the average.  Um. this is my score…
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Jun 3, 2023 07:48
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That copying gestures is definitely familiar, and I've got stuff from videogames and movies in my repertoire too. If this thread had a dollar for every "I thought this couldn't possibly be the answer and then I took that test and my score exploded" post, we could probably get a pizza.
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Jun 3, 2023 09:37
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my whole demeanour and presentation is a performative cobweb of phrases, gestures, and body language I have stolen from stand up comedians, films, artists and series.
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Jun 3, 2023 09:56
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coolusername posted:I’ve been in therapy and psych for decade+ since my late teens and have an ADHD diagnosis, and it’s never been suggested. Professionals even think I’m nice and friendly. I like hugs and I’m fine with social contact. But there’s been a few times where even the ADHD threads have gone “um Cool… r u sure that’s not autism.” The whole "autistic people are not social" thing is another misconception brought to you by Ye Olde White Man Psychology, which has brought us other great hits such as "Your ADHD will go away when you're an adult". Semi-serious about that, I swear the academic psych world would just wholesale make poo poo up for a while there. For serious though, the venn diagram of ADHD and ASD symptoms are pretty much a circle. If you look at something like inattentive type ADHD, then compare that to lists on ASD symptoms, you can't have inattentive type ADHD without also checking most of the boxes for ASD. I'm personally of the opinion that they are not cousin disorders, but rather they are the same fuckin' thing presenting differently in different people. I was told my entire life I couldn't be autistic and that I just needed to learn to deal with this or that, all because my freakin' hyperfocus and life long dopamine drip has been socializing. It took me 15+ years of socializing like 3+ times a week to get to the point where it feels natural to both me and the person on the other side, but no one wants to take me seriously on that because "you're just so naturally social!!" noooo this stuff is painful but I love doing it anywho I don't get to choose that fam
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Jun 3, 2023 13:12
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coolusername posted:Professionals even think I’m nice and friendly. Oh yeah, that one. Yes, it turns out it is very easy to come across as nice and friendly if you have studied how to come across as nice and friendly your entire life. It's how I handle job interviews, I strongly script those. Making a good impression on a stranger you might never even meet again is really easy, just mask the hell out of it, but making a lasting positive impression and forming friendships feels downright impossible at time.
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Jun 3, 2023 13:20
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Cynicus posted:my whole demeanour and presentation is a performative cobweb of phrases, gestures, and body language I have stolen from stand up comedians, films, artists and series. I just wanted to be cool like Denis. coolusername posted:
    4/20 social baybee 
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Jun 3, 2023 14:07
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Yeah there’s some stuff where I’m going “huh.” As a kid I used to compulsively run my hand through my hair on my scalp, even to the point I’d draw blood, and I still catch myself doing it when I’m stressed. I’m the only one in the office getting driven insane by the quiet buzz of the fluroscent lights. And I hate the texture of thick soups so much I’d rather starve  But none of the people I know were diagnosed acted like me. One of the people I knew well would only eat fast food ex. Chicken nuggets, while I’m adventurous (EXCEPT FOR SOUP) and try anything once. So I’m very much “is this ADHD, social anxiety, depression, trauma or mysterious other?” e; I just remembered as a kid I would drive my mother nuts because I wouldn’t eat things mixed together, and I would do things like separate mixed salads back into their component ingredients and then eat them one at a time. coolusername fucked around with this message at 15:45 on Jun 3, 2023 |
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Jun 3, 2023 15:41
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One of my favorite ways to play as a child was organizing. Sorting. Like my Micro Machines cars... Order them all in length. Then by color. Then weight. Etc. Kept me super quiet and was easy on my mom. Ditto alphabetizing. My most prominent memories of objects from my deep past is their mouth feel and taste. drat, the old My Little Pony feet with the dimple were great. And some roller skating Barbie's skates, they had a flint thing where they'd shoot sparks.
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Jun 3, 2023 16:46
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I just had a full sense memory of how much I liked to bite sponges.
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Jun 3, 2023 17:00
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coolusername posted:Yeah there’s some stuff where I’m going “huh.” As a kid I used to compulsively run my hand through my hair on my scalp, even to the point I’d draw blood, and I still catch myself doing it when I’m stressed. I’m the only one in the office getting driven insane by the quiet buzz of the fluroscent lights. And I hate the texture of thick soups so much I’d rather starve gently caress fluorescent lights. Why do they have to be so noisy? And the light is harsh too. Thick soup is pretty great though.
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Jun 3, 2023 17:05
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My kid doesn't have a formal diagnosis for anything, but she gets overstimulated in the same situations as folks in the autism and ADD communities. When that happens, she isn't able to answer questions about what she wants to do or what would help, and she struggles to find the mental bandwidth to even decide. I'd like to help her make something like one of those old school missed-call pads (we have a lot of the trendy joke ones and she likes them) that she can use when we're at an event and can't just go hide in her room. A section at the top where she can check a box that she's overwhelmed by the noise / crowd / emotional pressure / attention / whatever; and then a section where she can check a box about what would help, like being alone, going outside, going to sit in the car, getting something to eat, or just leaving and going home. A yes/no for if she needs the above for a little while and then will come back, or if she's totally done. A blank line for "other" in each section. I'll obviously do this with her, because she knows what kinds of things upset her and what helps. But, starting from scratch will be overwhelming. Does something like these lists already exist, that we can use as a starting point? And, are there any other sections that would be good? I'd like the final product to be purse-sized, between an index card and a quartered sheet of letter paper.
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Jun 3, 2023 17:58
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