(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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Pajser posted:This has been me for my entire life since the age of eight. Having maintained a sort of schizoid personality has helped me Your depressed brain is a lying bastard who'll try to convince you that you're worthless and unlovable when nothing is further from the truth. I've been there, I've felt the same way, and you can feel better than you do. Even if all that changes is that you can learn to enjoy a meal and a walk around the lake.
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May 31, 2023 03:05
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Anxious thoughts have been creeping back, still doing a decent job putting them down but its become more persistent. Therapist suggested taking 5-10 minutes in the morning just to worry about things and try to get it all out for the day. Not sure exactly how I want to go about it but I think having some sort of a release valve might be helpful. Especially since the biggest problem for me is at night when I'm starting to wind down, and all the fears I've been successfully repressing all day come out at once
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May 31, 2023 04:08
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StashAugustine posted:Especially since the biggest problem for me is at night when I'm starting to wind down, and all the fears I've been successfully repressing all day come out at once That's what I do as well. When I'm stressed I like to take some time before I start winding down for bed and go over what's stressing me out, maybe make a checklist of things I need to do tomorrow or in the next week, and once I've done that it's easier to give myself permission to forget about them for the night.
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May 31, 2023 04:15
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StashAugustine posted:Anxious thoughts have been creeping back, still doing a decent job putting them down but its become more persistent. Therapist suggested taking 5-10 minutes in the morning just to worry about things and try to get it all out for the day. Not sure exactly how I want to go about it but I think having some sort of a release valve might be helpful. Especially since the biggest problem for me is at night when I'm starting to wind down, and all the fears I've been successfully repressing all day come out at once personally i never found "worry time" to be helpful. you allow your brain ten minutes to entertain typically warped thoughts, for me, just created some kind of neural path where i was enshrining distorted thoughts as a special treat. like, let's say i'm anxious about losing my job or something. if i just ignore the actual thought all day but then at four PM i allow myself to indulge in the panic of "omg if i lose my job i'm loving homeless and then i'll be in the park eating squirrels and -" it, for me, creates this sense of novelty that my brain thinks is a game but which is actually just me entertaining frankly really poisonous, unhelpful thoughts. i feel like the only thing that's helped me recently is to treat my own brain like this petulant child who really needs one thing but is asking for it in the wrong way. like, it'll tell me i should be worried about my relationship, so i lean down with my hands on my knees and go, "hey little guy. what exactly are you worried about here?" and it goes, "partner." and i go, "sure, but like. go deeper than that." and finally, after a while, brain goes, "i feel like maintaining my personal relationships is important because when i imagine a world without them i am forced to focus on the fact that i am alone and will always live and die alone and the world is scary," and i go, "that's called the human condition. is this something we can solve, you and me, at 3AM on a tuesday? or is this more of a big brained philosopher problem?" and i can deal with the feeling of existential dread at a later time when i'm feeling less vulnerable. another thing (not aimed at you, Stash) that generally helps me that i always recommend to people is doing video diaries. i've been doing them for about eight months. when i'm done recording, i upload them onto a private youtube channel that i can later review, but you can always just delete them if you want. just talking about poo poo is really helpful but obviously a lot of us don't have access to another person to talk to, but it's way more helpful than ruminating alone. like, i'll be having a thought that feels really true and very painful and hard to deal with, and the second i have to explain it to myself out loud, i suddenly go, "wait. is that even true?" it's been great for figuring out what i'm actually anxious about, and if i can even solve it, or if i'm having an anxiety that has nothing to do with my values and is therefore nothingburger.
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May 31, 2023 16:48
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StashAugustine posted:Anxious thoughts have been creeping back, still doing a decent job putting them down but its become more persistent. Therapist suggested taking 5-10 minutes in the morning just to worry about things and try to get it all out for the day. Not sure exactly how I want to go about it but I think having some sort of a release valve might be helpful. Especially since the biggest problem for me is at night when I'm starting to wind down, and all the fears I've been successfully repressing all day come out at once I believe in you friend - these muscles take time to stretch and get used to. Those 5-10 minutes you take are unique to you and only you. There are some tools out there that can definitely help you get started like adult coloring books (mandalas specifically) or apps that allow you to pace yourself. Like any sort of exercise - if it doesn't feel right, ease up until you feel like you're able to tackle it head on again. Definitely looking forward to any updates you extend.
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May 31, 2023 20:52
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Re: running, one thing you keep in mind is that, if you're like me and have terrible allergies and/or asthma, you might need to use a treadmill or elliptical instead of running outside. Basically the thing to check for is whether you're limited by your legs/heart rate (normal) or whether you find yourself having trouble breathing (or coughing up phlegm, etc). I feel like some people might try running, encounter the latter, and wrongly attribute it to being out of shape (which might also be the case, but isn't the limiting factor). Even when I was able to run 10 miles on the treadmill, I couldn't do more than like 0.25m outside (because I simply couldn't breath, even with an inhaler and allergy meds). This results in you just feeling like poo poo without even getting a good workout, and I think some people get turned off of cardio for reasons like this.
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Jun 1, 2023 01:56
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Ytlaya posted:Re: running, one thing you keep in mind is that, if you're like me and have terrible allergies and/or asthma, you might need to use a treadmill or elliptical instead of running outside. YMMV and its more time, practice, and money than "literally just run around the block" but I've had good results with swimming to get around allergy and asthma issues.
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Jun 1, 2023 01:59
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I wear a particulate filter when I run, its pretty effective.
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Jun 1, 2023 02:01
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Louisgod posted:I'm really saddened by all of the misinformation, or lack of information, about tinnitus both online and offline. I don't know how or when I got tinnitus. Probably sometime in past decade, but for the longest time it's been so mild that I genuinely just never thought about it. I knew I had it. I would joke about it from time to time, even, but it was never hard to just push it out of mind afterwards. Until last week. I don't know what changed. Nothing I was doing was out of the ordinary. I work in a quiet office — most everyone else is working from home so I have a lot of space all to myself. I never have my headphones at a particularly loud level. But suddenly the tinnitus just... flared up. Noticeably so. It's all I've been able to think of for the past week. I can (so far) sleep fine and there are short bursts of being able to ignore it, but it's never long before my brain goes "woah where did the noise go" and just immediately hyperfocuses back on it. I'm trying not to, I know it just makes things worse, but unfortunately I've just ended up in this awful spiral that is deteriorating my mental health. I've scheduled an appointment with my PCP to try to get a referral to a hearing clinic. The earliest I could get is two weeks away, though, and the thought of having to wait that long fills me with dread. It shouldn't, I know — if this isn't an ear infection or a sign of diabetes or an iron deficiency or whatever... if it isn't an underlying issue that can alleviate it, then it's something I need to learn to live with, and two weeks compared to 50 years is nothing. 50 years of this is so scary though. Of course, I say that at rock bottom. Maybe my tinnitus never actually changed and I just spontaneously forgot how to forget about it, and relearning that is all I need. Maybe I'll be strong once I start meditating and exercising and eating better and getting an ADHD diagnosis and take meds and get better on focusing on Literally Anything Else. But I'm in the hole right now and it sucks. I've got a headache right now from crying too much about it today. Anyway I found this post in attempt to find like, any real person who was talking about their experience, so, thank you. Here's hoping it turns around for me as well.
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Jun 2, 2023 04:34
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would it make sense to start a thread in the Goon Doctor about tinnitus, really drill down into it? I've noticed mine much more the past couple of days. Noise cancelling headphones really seem to set it off since I'm basically just left with it.
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Jun 2, 2023 15:37
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Tinnitus really sounds terrible, and I'm grateful I don't have it because I feel like I'm the sort of person who would tolerate it the poorest. Going to ramble about some stuff related to this that I just never really talk about because there isn't a reason to, but this made me think about it. I've always had the hardest time with "distracting/uncomfortable" sensations, with the worst being these eye problems I've had my entire life since I was 10 y/o that I'm pretty sure are "minor levels of eyelid irritation/blepharitis that just make me completely miserable because of some problem with my brain." It's not fully psychological, since doctors have been able to clearly see the inflammation if I visit when they're bothering me the most, but there's no clear underlying cause justifying the level of discomfort I experience. I think what happens is that things like certain forms of uncomfortable stimulation (like certain strong scents or sensations like humidity) make me feel uncomfortable, which then causes my eyes to become inflamed. Before COVID hit, I was actually getting close to a breaking point at work, because my eyes were making me miserable every day. Something about the air in the office hosed them up, and nothing I tried (like air filters or humidifiers) helped. The pandemic - which lead to working from home indefinitely - luckily addressed that. Another example of this sort of thing is that I absolutely can't tolerate not washing my hair every day. I couldn't function without showering in the morning without being completely miserable. Imagining it is almost like imagining nails on a chalkboard. In college we took a class trip to Hong Kong, and because of the time zone change we had to walk around most of the day after arriving until we could check-in at the hotel. I was completely miserable during this time and couldn't think about anything other than how desperately I wanted to take a shower. I strongly suspect that this oversensitivity to sensations might be some sort of mild autism thing, but I have zero interest in seeking out a diagnosis for that because it doesn't exactly provide any solutions. It's been an issue for like ~28 years, so I doubt it'll ever be resolved.
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Jun 3, 2023 01:14
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Kaubocks posted:I can (so far) sleep fine lol i spiked, i got three hours of sleep only fueled by piping tinnitus relief sounds into my ears it's just so deafeningly loud and i'm spiraling and all i can do is cry On the plus side, sorta, I went to urgent care today. Unsurprisingly they didn't find anything... It's not a wax buildup, it's not an ear infection. blood levels seem normal, etc. I was, however, able to get a referral to an ENT, who I called and set me up for a hearing test on Monday. Wasn't expecting such a quick turnaround, but I'll take it. That said, as "quick" as that is, the thought of surviving the weekend is so depressing.
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Jun 3, 2023 01:51
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God drat, it's loud enough to wake you up (even if you attempt to drown it out)? That's loving awful. The most soul-crushing types of suffering are the types that prevent you from sleeping IMO; it just wears down your mental fortitude. Hopefully the ENT can do something about it.
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Jun 3, 2023 02:01
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Bilirubin posted:would it make sense to start a thread in the Goon Doctor about tinnitus, really drill down into it? I’m working on a thread to post in E/N with what I hope will be some useful information as there are far too many people who have no resources and are often turned away from doctors saying they can’t do anything. I’ve struggled with high tinnitus since December and went through a rollercoaster of emotions and am finally getting to a better place. I had a few weeks of minor tinnitus but it randomly flared up a few days ago and hasn’t relented much since. However, it’s not eliciting a dire emotional response and I’m able to more or less carry on with my day. I have a very specific sleeping strategy that’s working well for me. I’ve had five separate goons pm me asking for advice so I know there are many others who could use some guidance, a place to vent, or others for support. I’m happy to kick off the discussion. e: Also want to throw out there that anybody is welcome to pm me if they want to talk, vent or ask for tips. I was at literal rock bottom both mentally and physically only two months ago, thinking I’d effectively be disabled for the rest of my life and not able to care for my kids, but have successfully bounced back. There’s no cure for tinnitus and it tends to be chronic though most people see theirs become better after a few months. ENTs are woefully unprepared and not properly trained to treat tinnitus, with many saying patients must “learn to live with it” (mine said that exact phrase to me). You do not have to suffer and there’s a path toward living a happy and fulfilling life but it’ll take time and practice. I’ll post a link to the e/n thread when I create it and really hope it helps people. Over 10% of folks in the US have tinnitus yet it’s rarely spoken about. Louisgod has issued a correction as of 05:24 on Jun 3, 2023 |
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Jun 3, 2023 04:51
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Bilirubin posted:would it make sense to start a thread in the Goon Doctor about tinnitus, really drill down into it? Responding separately to this one as I want to note that while it may seem like noise cancelling headphones could help, they tend to have the opposite effect as they close off your ear canal to external sound and push your brain to internalize the tinnitus and focus exclusively on it. Intuitively it seems like they should help. For severe tinnitus, the route to go is getting set up with hearing aids/tinnitus maskers, then having an audiologist trained with treating tinnitus help fit them for you and program them properly. I have maskers and wear them from when I wake to when I go to bed, and they pump white or pink noise into my ears through the day. The ends have holes so they don’t block out external sound, with the general idea that you keep the masking noise just below your tinnitus level to train your brain long-term to get used to constant noise, which will speed up the habituation process. It’s mainly because of these maskers that I can even function during the day. I have Lots Of Thoughts on tinnitus and want to spread the word, even to the point where I’m thinking of becoming a tinnitus counselor of sorts. It feels good to help those who need it.
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Jun 3, 2023 05:37
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I think I have tinnitus. I hear a lot of ringing in my ears, like, tones that eventually fade away. Idk if that is what it is. But I rhink I hosed myself up. As a teen I'd listen to loud music in my car. In my 20s I ran to music at max volume. Even now, I play in a band and sometimes forget earplugs. I do a lot of things not good for my ears. Idk. Haven't asked anyone about it.
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Jun 3, 2023 06:05
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veepfake posted:I think I have tinnitus. I hear a lot of ringing in my ears, like, tones that eventually fade away. Idk if that is what it is. But I rhink I hosed myself up. As a teen I'd listen to loud music in my car. In my 20s I ran to music at max volume. Even now, I play in a band and sometimes forget earplugs. I do a lot of things not good for my ears. Idk. Haven't asked anyone about it. I wonder if you have any hearing loss that can be picked up on a test. If in complete silence you hear tones, ringing, rushing, crickets or something like that, it’s tinnitus. Weird thing is that lots of people have tinnitus and don’t even realize it because their brain’s experienced it enough to where it sees it the same way as noise from a dishwasher, washing machine or passing car: a non-threatening noise it doesn’t have to worry about and automatically tunes out. That’s habituation nirvana and what we strive for. If it doesn’t bother you, keep you up or activate your fight or flight, you’re golden.
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Jun 3, 2023 06:22
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I've got tinnitus that comes and goes. Most of the time I can ignore it but sometimes it just means no sleep. Lots of max volume headphones in my teens and early twenties. I'm extremely careful with my ears now and have this tiny cylinder of earplugs that fits on my key chain. Pretty clutch since I occasionally go to concerts. And since it's on my key chain it means I never forget them. If you have tinnitus and you can't make it better, one of the best things you can do is keep it from getting worse. Ice Phisherman has issued a correction as of 06:33 on Jun 3, 2023 |
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Jun 3, 2023 06:29
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Hello goons, just posting to say/remind that you are strong, very firenze and don't take no poo poo from no man
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Jun 3, 2023 16:09
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Tinnitus megathread has been posted in e/n, I hope it's helpful and full of information to get those of you suffering off to a good start. https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=4033474
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Jun 3, 2023 17:06
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Louisgod posted:Tinnitus megathread has been posted in e/n, I hope it's helpful and full of information to get those of you suffering off to a good start. Awesome post - love what you shared/created here. Thank you for this.
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Jun 4, 2023 07:16
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Ugh got hit with anxiety attacks last night and now midday at work, fortunately I could take an early lunch. I'm doing a lot better at handling them but ugh it sucks that they're recurring and im not quite sure what the trigger is E: might be food related, I didn't eat a ton last night and skipped breakfast. Don't have much of an appetite though
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Jun 5, 2023 17:36
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StashAugustine posted:Ugh got hit with anxiety attacks last night and now midday at work, fortunately I could take an early lunch. I'm doing a lot better at handling them but ugh it sucks that they're recurring and im not quite sure what the trigger is You'll have to journal and look for patterns. I'm in a weird place right now where my job is remote, my family are on the other side of the country, and I'm talking with a girl by long distance. I have a few irl friends that I hang out with, but my life is strongly tied with my devices and the internet. It almost feels like I'm living parallel lives, and when I try to explain my life to people I have trouble believing what I'm saying myself. E: I guess it would be really easy to just go digital nomad at this point, but on the other hand it's like I'm living in a Black Mirror episode. America Inc. has issued a correction as of 20:28 on Jun 5, 2023 |
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Jun 5, 2023 20:18
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StashAugustine posted:Ugh got hit with anxiety attacks last night and now midday at work, fortunately I could take an early lunch. I'm doing a lot better at handling them but ugh it sucks that they're recurring and im not quite sure what the trigger is That does definitely happen, the hungry-anxiety thing. Obviously, make sure you're taking soooooomewhere near enough calories and water to avoid body-depression.
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Jun 6, 2023 04:04
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StashAugustine posted:Ugh got hit with anxiety attacks last night and now midday at work, fortunately I could take an early lunch. I'm doing a lot better at handling them but ugh it sucks that they're recurring and im not quite sure what the trigger is Hunger/not eating increases levels of adrenaline a bit, might have kicked your body into high gear which in turn could send your thoughts racing
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Jun 6, 2023 19:00
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It's funny but all of the men on my dad's side of the family wind up living with their parents. My dad left LA to live with grandpa after his relationship with his gf didn't work out, and my dead gay uncle moved back after failing in his career as a journalist. My other uncle didn't even try moving out and he's in his 40s. Failsons all of them. E: sorry, that was my shadow speaking. America Inc. has issued a correction as of 05:37 on Jun 7, 2023 |
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Jun 7, 2023 03:34
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Feeling bummed that the world is burning. I’m trying to do well the way people want me to, but like, world burning. 
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Jun 7, 2023 05:19
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America Inc. posted:It's funny but all of the men on my dad's side of the family wind up living with their parents. My dad left LA to live with grandpa after his relationship with his gf didn't work out, and my dead gay uncle moved back after failing in his career as a journalist. My other uncle didn't even try moving out and he's in his 40s. Failsons all of them. This is my fear tbh. My older sister has fully moved out and my younger sister will likely move out once she moves out or attends grad school. I was planning on moving overseas but didn't due to COVID and mental health stuff, and I briefly moved out for one job but moved back in because it didn't work out (though I'm happy with this decision because I hated that job). I'm sure I can eventually make it out, I just don't know when. It's especially hard when everyone around you seems to be moving about while you're living with parents.
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Jun 7, 2023 09:01
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The normalization of immediately living apart from your immediate family before starting your own family and requiring separate living spaces is a uniquely postwar American invention. Doing so if you have the means can be nice for certain types of people in specific circumstances, but any sense of shame about leaving your parental home when it makes no sense should be thrown in the garbage where it belongs. Most of our parents had access to better and infinitely more affordable housing than we do, and if the situation is tenable for you at home it's not worth massively increasing your living expenses for, uh, social clout? I had to deal with a lot of internalized shame coming back to my parents' house after a divorce and huge career clusterfuck. It wasn't worth putting myself through that and didn't help poo poo. In short, gently caress america, live in your parents' house until you need to get laid
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Jun 7, 2023 09:35
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Jorge Bell posted:The normalization of immediately living apart from your immediate family before starting your own family and requiring separate living spaces is a uniquely postwar American invention. Doing so if you have the means can be nice for certain types of people in specific circumstances, but any sense of shame about leaving your parental home when it makes no sense should be thrown in the garbage where it belongs. Most of our parents had access to better and infinitely more affordable housing than we do, and if the situation is tenable for you at home it's not worth massively increasing your living expenses for, uh, social clout? It was also always aspirational. It has always been a thing for certain classes of people, generally upper middle class upwards but also stereotypically white (note that this mating style arose during the height of redlining). Home ownership rates in the US are remarkably steady, being consistently in the low 60 percentages. And even much of that 60 percent are living in circumstances not really similar to that suburban ideal, because it is a kind of idiosyncratic measure. Personally I think the perceived decline in access has much more to do with journalism specifically and writing more broadly falling as a profession to be more similar in compensation to blue collar work, because a lot of those blue collar workers were struggling with housing, they just weren't seen as people. Anyway to not sound like a sociology professor for a second, my older brother lived in my parents basement while literally being a stock broker on wall street. If he can do that without shame, so can you.
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Jun 7, 2023 12:30
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Pink Mist posted:Feeling bummed that the world is burning. I’m trying to do well the way people want me to, but like, world burning. sure does suck. i went to go for a brisk walk a little bit ago as exercise generally gives me a little boost or at least a change of scenery, but the world is literally burning and it smells like a poorly-ventilated casino outside
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Jun 7, 2023 17:38
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Witeldram posted:This is my fear tbh. My older sister has fully moved out and my younger sister will likely move out once she moves out or attends grad school. I was planning on moving overseas but didn't due to COVID and mental health stuff, and I briefly moved out for one job but moved back in because it didn't work out (though I'm happy with this decision because I hated that job). personally, i find the insistence that in order to be a functional adult, you need to live alone to be really damaging to people. if it's cheaper, more practical or more convenient to live with family, you should do it. if your family is abusive, then yes, move out, but otherwise it makes more sense in a lot of cases to just continue to live with them. the nebulous sense of shame shouldn't override practical considerations like money or convenience. Eat This Glob posted:sure does suck. i went to go for a brisk walk a little bit ago as exercise generally gives me a little boost or at least a change of scenery, but the world is literally burning and it smells like a poorly-ventilated casino outside i need to go out and i'm trying to figure out what time of day would be optimal so i don't die. i'm in the acceptance phase about this already, but watching the people around me crack ping about this is very sad and it makes me feel sort of helpless.
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Jun 7, 2023 18:00
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autismo side note: i am making my dad take the RAADS test and i am horrified to discover that he doesn't struggle with idiomatic language the way that i do. when people say "hair of the dog", for example, i thought for an embarrassingly long time that people believed eating hair solved hangovers. for other idioms, i need to "translate" their meaning first before understanding the impact but my small survey of people in my life reveals other people might not have to go through the same translation process as me.
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Jun 7, 2023 19:39
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definite brain fog from wildfire smoke inhalation at 100 aqi. i must be in a "sensitive group"
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Jun 7, 2023 21:53
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cash crab posted:autismo side note: i am making my dad take the RAADS test and i am horrified to discover that he doesn't struggle with idiomatic language the way that i do. when people say "hair of the dog", for example, i thought for an embarrassingly long time that people believed eating hair solved hangovers. for other idioms, i need to "translate" their meaning first before understanding the impact but my small survey of people in my life reveals other people might not have to go through the same translation process as me. I'm also an autism robot and I've never had a problem with idioms. I learn what they mean and then I move on. Autism is a land of contrasts.
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Jun 7, 2023 23:33
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Tungsten posted:definite brain fog from wildfire smoke inhalation at 100 aqi. i must be in a "sensitive group" im at 330 and feel pretty normal. i closed my windows though and turned my window air conditioner on in my bedroom so it'll filter poo poo for when igo to bed later. could be a decade-plus smoking, or im just lucky. sorry goon, that really sucks
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Jun 8, 2023 00:44
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Tulip posted:Anyway to not sound like a sociology professor for a second, my older brother lived in my parents basement while literally being a stock broker on wall street. If he can do that without shame, so can you. Yeah, I also have a full time job that pays enough that I could live on my own, but it just doesn't make sense for me to do so. The only good reason to do so would be dating, but I don't plan on doing that (for a variety of reasons). While my dad can be extremely obnoxious, I generally get along well with my parents. Seems dumb to pay a lot of extra money just to be lonely. It also gives me some peace of mind just to save up a lot of money while I still have the chance. I can't count on having a decent job in the future, and I've been watching my friend experience the worst case scenario over the past year or so (lost his job, can't find a new one, and is almost done burning through all his savings, and he has a house to maintain). I was paycheck to paycheck (in the sense of zero savings + debt) up until around 5-6 years ago, so I want to build up as much security as I can now while I still have the chance. I also find that having a decent job staves off the ennui that I think plagues most people living with their parents. In many cases it's probably not the "living at home" part that bothers people as much as "the circumstances that caused them to live at home." My job at least gives some sense of structure to my life, since it involves learning new things.
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Jun 8, 2023 00:45
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Ytlaya posted:I also find that having a decent job staves off the ennui that I think plagues most people living with their parents. In many cases it's probably not the "living at home" part that bothers people as much as "the circumstances that caused them to live at home." My job at least gives some sense of structure to my life, since it involves learning new things. Yeah I lived at home while failing out of school and now live alone, and while it's definitely good in some ways I feel like a lot of the shine of it was bad associations with how I was feeling at home unrelated to, like, actually being at that home. I feel kinda bad about it too because i suspect it's kinda making me have a lingering bad reaction to my family when we should get along all right at least
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Jun 8, 2023 00:53
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Papa Was A Video Toaster posted:I'm also an autism robot and I've never had a problem with idioms. I learn what they mean and then I move on. Autism is a land of contrasts. yeah, i think i might struggle with literal thinking a lot more than i originally thought which might explain why i also get so devastated when people lie to me or use coded, layered speech.
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Jun 8, 2023 03:34
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Lol. One month after my dad dies - there goes my grandmother. Mom's a fuckin' wreck. What a solid time this has been.
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#
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Jun 8, 2023 05:01
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