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Well, now
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Jun 4, 2023 04:49
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I'm enjoying the tiny "Great Moravia"
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Jun 4, 2023 13:50
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 From - Lord Admiral Grey Hunter, To - Her Royal Highness, Empress of the Croctapus Empire.   Bidia is getting old.  He still has a few wars in him yet though!  We fund more learning.  That's right, flee from your inevitable doom!  Oh sorry, was that the sound of your army getting crushed?  ]Another count sees the future and just joins us.  It's better than this.   We start expanding the castle. It is getting cramped in this one.  Then news comes in the enemy army has been routed once more.  Victory is assured.  Bidia is not that nice a man.  We continue to expand the holdings. It's more taxation down the line!  Then its on to the next war!  The book is finished.  As the armies muster, Bidia learns he's once more in charge.  He celebrates by ordering a new sword – god knows what ever happened to that Excalibur thing.  This war is also nothing to worry about!  Even more land is added to Khakassia.  More vassals flock to the banner!   The sword is completed. That's a nice generic name.  It's the last act of a great king, another victim of the poor quality alcohol served on this world. Oyiradai is the newest pawn – I've long lost count of their number.  He remains the head of the Albion culture.  For once the kingdom has not collapsed!  Oyiradai has.... a reputation.  His wife has heard about it, it seems.  He has an adult son – actually he has four of them!  Though he lacks his fathers financial acumen – we do have a sizeable nest egg to keep him going.  Bidia had commissioned a crown before dying, his son will continue it.  Now to try and prevent the almost traditional civil wars!  We also take some slightly lower tentacled methods to make sure that Bidia, is the next king.  Look at his wife – she must know how to cook well, I wonder if she has any good recipes, I am not much of a cook and keep on burning the peasents!  Delbeg seems to need more convincing to back our candidate!  The realm continues to prosper.  We splash the cash to prevent war.  Delbeg finally sees sense.   Oyiradai fancies some hunting.  That's a long trek he's going on!  He hires some security.  This is a poor start.  The crown is completed.  The hunt seems to be going poorly.  The loss of a little crown authority is better than a bloody civil war.  I'm not sure going hunting in the mountains was the best idea.  Even the flowers are more interesting.  Though not the most interesting thing to Oyiradai....  They find the fox.  Only to lose it. What a waste of time.  Now for the long trek home.   Home at last.  Just in time to commission the next expansion of the castle.  While the kingdom is not growing as quickly as I would like, at least it is growing, and I have not had to move my bathtub after the death of an old king! Yours. Grey Hunter.
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Jun 4, 2023 21:24
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Grey Hunter posted:He celebrates by ordering a new sword – god knows what ever happened to that Excalibur thing. Grey Hunter has adopted some native slang I see. When does he convert to Christianity?
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Jun 5, 2023 00:43
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Yay for Croc accepting the reality of things!
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Jun 5, 2023 00:52
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Livewire42 posted:Grey Hunter has adopted some native slang I see. When does he convert to Christianity? As long as he’s Constantine and not Borgia, I can accept Croc as a Christian ruler. Christ may feel differently of course, but hopefully he’ll forgive Croc’s trespasses, ongoing and past. Glad Croc values his bathtub. It’s important. Remember, cleanliness is next to godliness! 
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Jun 5, 2023 13:46
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Catholics already accept eating the body of Christ, so I don't see why eating the body of peasants should cause any issues 
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Jun 5, 2023 15:48
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Slaan posted:Catholics already accept eating the body of Christ, so I don't see why eating the body of peasants should cause any issues Lol. Great joke here. I have looked over recent posts and I must confess I don’t know if the religion angle is specifically relevant enough to cause problems for Croc. He can use any religion to serve his cause. As long as he doesn’t go too far and try to mess up the religion to serve his design by making it into something it’s not, we’ll be ok. Dedicating his victories with Catholic symbolism is ok, Constantine did that and it was a positive thing for the church. Destroying portrayals of a prophet and replacing them with your own likeness or your son’s, meanwhile pulling off crazy orgies in churches? That’s Borgia. Catholics already have a lot of bad experiences with Borgia in real life history. I was raised Catholic and I would prefer Croc not be a Borgia type. I hope the analogy is understood. If Croc would prefer another religion, one with less biased baggage in the audience- consider the following Simpsons line- Reverend Lovejoy- “Ned, sometimes you go a bit too far as a member of our religion. Have you considered the other major religions? They’re all pretty much the same.” Apologies if offending, I don’t think we need too many religion related jokes and other negatives here. I may be reading too much into things. The game probably doesn’t allow you to be a Catholic leader like Borgia. If it does, well, maybe Grey should show that off but it might also be too much to accomplish the right way. IMO religion is just a minor detail of the game and not the main focus. I will let Grey decide what he wants to do, he is the God of this thread. I will drop my mockery if he demands it. Till then I hope my intentions as court jester are understood.
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Jun 5, 2023 18:37
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Moon Slayer fucked around with this message at 20:49 on Jun 6, 2023 |
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Jun 6, 2023 08:35
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What
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Jun 6, 2023 08:54
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i have never regretted adding achtungknight to my ignore list, every post is either white noise or weird poo poo like that please don't quote achtungknight, the ignore list does not filter that, thanks
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Jun 6, 2023 16:45
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Apologies. Mods can do to me what they will. I stand by the merits of my words but acknowledge the demerits also. Leaving thread now before the inevitable. Farewell.
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Jun 6, 2023 23:10
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From - Lord Admiral Grey Hunter, To - Her Royal Highness, Empress of the Croctapus Empire.   This looks like a nice little war.  This, less so. We can't give up a whole half of the kingdom! To war!  The first battle in the little war somehow goes poorly, despite us having two to one on them in numbers!  Let's do the job properly.  The bloodline improves.  Things are looking dangerous in the rebellion however.  Well, that's that one wrapped up!  Let's do this!  This battle also goes poorly! What are my generals doing?  Again, we manage to loose with greater numbers.  This is not looking good!   Our allies arrive, and we win a much needed victory.  Oh come on!  This new force ambushes our army, outnumbering them and defeating them.  Losses are heavy.  The forces reform and we go back in.  There are so many of them out there, this is going to take some time.  At least the new city is booming!  It's nice to be the overwhelming odds here.  It's one massive battle after another.  But at least we're winning.  There are so many of them though!  Our men go straight into another major battle.  They bring in their troops faster.  We lose, the battle sees over fifty thousand men fight, and near a fifth of them die.  Oh yeah, and Bidia is no longer the heir-elective. Things keep on getting better!  Sooo many enemies. Once more I wish there was a legion of shockcrocs on the planet!   I lose the record, but a fourth rebellion begins. Sigh.  We keep on fighting however.  We have marched north, but both sides have combined their forces.  One of the sons has leperacy.  The treatment goes poorly, but we win another battle!  Meh, there are to many of these things around anyway.  Both sides continue to feed masses of troops into massive battles.  This one goes in our way.  It never seems to be more than a small dent in their numbers.  Some of the wars are going well, others poorly.  I've been trapped in my room again.  We end one war, but it seems that more always spring up.  My chronometer has just informed me I have been here for five hundred years! A whole third of my life!  And what do I have to show for it? A kingdom wracked by civil wars, a constant moving around, and a creeping worry that this transmitter is not working, for the only other reason that troops would not have arrived by now is that I have been deliberately abandoned here! I know who is to blame for this mess of course.  Yeah, you SHOULD feel bad about yourself you useless simian! Well, I have war planning to do, so please send those troops. Yours Grey hunter.
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Jun 7, 2023 06:28
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Good luck Grey Hunter. You need it. 
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Jun 7, 2023 09:57
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Good luck Commander! You can do it!  Also, have you considered taking away titles to give it away to character who have easier traits to deal with, like lazy, craven or trusting? I heard they have a tendencies to not go into faction, although I'm really not sure about this information.
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Jun 7, 2023 18:38
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Those apes are just so bad at following orders. Have you tried taking over the world through some insect?
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Jun 7, 2023 19:08
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From - Lord Admiral Grey Hunter, To - Her Royal Highness, Empress of the Croctapus Empire.   The wars are lost, Oyiradai is deposed, and his son Bidia II becomes king.  Of only Angara though, not Khakassia.  Of course, we have a claim on Khakassia, and more troops – so we press this immediately.  Allies are called in.  The vast reserves of cash are used to call in more troops.  Because of course the enemy have twice the troops our so called intelligence experts predicted.  We besiege their capital, and they bring their army in.  Battle is joined. Their general is exceptional.  And victory is theirs.   We reform, reinforce and go back in.  We give battle, and begin to smash their forces – but more reinforcements are on the way.  These fresh troops arrive in time, and swing the battle in the Khakassian's favour.  It's something of a pyrrhic victory at least.  And our allies are already on the way.  Bidia commissions himself a comfy chair. We are not running out of money, so I allow him these frivolities.  He also gets a rather tasty looking cat.  I mostly leave him to his books while I run the kingdom.  Let's turn this war around!   We engage, their great general cannot deal with our now crushing numbers.  During the battle we claim one of their banners as a spoil.  We smash them.  We get the new throne installed.  We march on their capital once more, and quickly take it.  Bidia is seen wandering the castle with some rather... suspect meals. I think he's taken to raiding my personal larder! The cad! Oh well, I can't blame him, those pickled peasant pieces are to die for!   I have no idea where they are getting these troops from, but it looks like another major battle is in the offing!  We need to get in there and help our allies!  Our forces swing the battle back in our favour.  The Battle of Anja is another step towards victory.  Bidia seems happy with my work – though he is looking much older than his 38!  The war is hard, and we make sure our vassals don't bare to much of the brunt of it – a civil war now would be disastrous!  Khakassia makes an attempt to retake their capital.  The second battle of Anja is a long drawn out affair, with advantage swinging back and forth as the casualties mount.  We are victorious once more.  Another battle follows soon after.  A custom made pile of gold? Oh you shouldn't have! Bidia will treasure it all the way to the bank!  Bidia's heir comes of age – she's a girl, which may cause some kingdom shattering issues down the line.  We win that battle.   Edflaed is found a suitable husband.  Her sister is found a prince as a husband.   The wars still going well by the way.   Bidia buys a fancy book.  He spends a lot of time reading it.  The enemy have retired to lick their wounds, so we are taking some territory.  They find thousands more men from somewhere, so we are forced to engage them again.  Battle is joined.  During the fight, the former king Oyirdai is killed.  We win the battle, the death of a failure is of no consequence.  We are cleaning them up now.  The battles are getting more one sided.   Victory at last!  That looks better. It's a lot of dead simians to get us back to where we were.  Now we just have to deal with the succession.  There we go! That's that problem dealt with for a while.  Maybe a little while..... Yours Grey Hunter
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Jun 10, 2023 05:42
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I'm noticing a pattern here! Civil war, lose land, reconquer land to prettify borders, civil war..
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Jun 11, 2023 02:23
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From - Lord Admiral Grey Hunter, To - Her Royal Highness, Empress of the Croctapus Empire.   Lets see if we can murder our way out of the upcoming civil war.  Nope!  We call in our allies.  Just because we're now at war, doesn't mean we should stop the assassination attempts.  Annoyingly, Aelfric's fine tastes prevent the poisoning.  We're going to carry on the old fashioned way.  Our forces are overwhelming.  We smash their paltry armour.  Then we swarm over everything.  Annoyingly, their army is now besieging our lands on the other side of the kingdom.  Someone bleeds out, and we get money for a new carpet.  Bidia comes up with some inspirational words.   We win another battle.  Another faction starts a war. Yay, the piling on begins.  These are not threatening numbers.  We are legion.  Another poisonous meal is prepared.  Again, his nose is enough to prevent the attempt.  And now he knows what we're doing. Great.  This is pitiful.  They surrender. They have only wasted lives.  On to the next rebellion.  Then Aelfric just up and dies. Figures.  We march across the Kingdom again to engage them.   Now the tasty peasants are getting riled up.  The new armies are no better than the others.  They quickly give up.  Of course, the peasants are miles away.  Meanwhile, we're finding new ways of increasing our income. This is all being spent on buildings in our holdings.  People are even sending money for no reason!  The peasants last as long as you would expect.   Time to expand our kingdom – these poor souls are surrounded by our allies!  One sided wars are always fun.  He He He.  Bidia's third daughter is born.   Eadflead dies, leaving her infant daughter as the new heir – a child and a woman, the other rulers are not going to like this, and I've yet to convince them on the equality of the sexes!  We grab another title.  Win our little war.  And morn the death of a second child!  This will not end well, I can feel it.  But for now, things seem stable in the kingdom once more. If those forces could get here before the Bidia dies, it would be greatly appreciated! Yours Grey Hunter.
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Jun 12, 2023 06:51
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I'm not sure the guy's nose is what saved him. Just his eyes. The chef promised a meal of duck, but the Duke received swan? Got to throw that away just because the chef is obviously incompetent at picking out the right poultry for the king, so he can't trust the cooking!
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Jun 12, 2023 07:11
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Croc, if these apes don’t work out for world conquest, I know a pair of genetically engineered lab mice with a lot of experience who might be looking for a job.
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Jun 12, 2023 09:29
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I think a nuclear bomb and a few title revocation should solve the problem of nobility civil war
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Jun 12, 2023 13:45
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Thinking serenely about the final update when the Empress takes pity and sends in like 12 Croc Marines, just a tiny unit of OP modded-in troops that are enough to take over Asia.
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Jun 12, 2023 14:00
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From - Lord Admiral Grey Hunter, To - Her Royal Highness, Empress of the Croctapus Empire.   We find another target to expand into.  We just have to sweep aside the paltry rabble in the way.  They send in everything they have, but it was never going to be enough.  Altana seems to be shaping up nicely!  Badia is getting on well with his wife.  Here they come again.  This is just throwing away good lives.  I don't know why they do not accept my eventual rule. I mean your eventual rule, of course your highness.  At least I know that Bidia will be hanging around for a bit longer!  That can't be said for his wife, who is murdered in a fit of jealousy!  The next marriage is for the alliance.   We bring the war to an end.  Then it's time to celebrate!  It's going to be costly, but money is no longer the object it once was.  Bidia prepares to be a gracious host.   He and I are of course having our own menu.  Bidia mingles.  His guest of honour is happy at least.  It went well, it seems.  At the end of the feast, he announces the usurpation of Ala Tau.   Sochur has broken away from their liege. This is a mistake, as it makes for an easy target.  Their forces are slaughtered.  A quick seise ends it.   Back in the Capital, the minions are fighting.  And I have no idea what is going on here, all I know is that the hush money we got for staying quiet is enough for some major upgrades around the castle.  Another daughter is born.   I decide it is time to risk a major war. The Mongolians are looking weak, and we could claim three provinces in a single war.  Both sides muster their forces.  The chase is on.  Battle is joined.  A daughter comes of age.  She is married off for a alliance with the golden horde.  That's another sixteen thousand men for the war.  They are large and powerful allies.  It's just as well, as we are not doing well in battle.  We fight them again in our lands.  This goes better.  Bidia becomes the head of the Pendragons, and uses this to all Albion into the war – for their size, they have a lot of troops, we built the old empire strong.  Here they come again.  We see another defeat.   A son is born! Let hope Bidia can hold on for another 16 years or we will see a different type of civil war.  Forces mass.  And battle is joined once more.  We defeat them.  One of our vassals, seeing our dropping numbers, decides not to wait for Bidia's death to start a civil war. This could not be more poorly timed!  These useless Simians! Why will they not let me conquer them! Yours, ever exasperated. Grey Hunter.
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Jun 14, 2023 06:35
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Honestly Grey, at this point it might be time to just start tentacle-forging an escape rocket, like that one croc did on that bug planet instead of trying to use these primitives to conquer the planet. These bipeds are too dumb to use, no shame in failing with them!
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Jun 14, 2023 06:57
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I'm just wondering at this point if the Empress is not Croc wife and she needed him to be somewhere else while she deals with other complicated stuff like a civil war or something like that.
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Jun 14, 2023 17:01
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From - Lord Admiral Grey Hunter, To - Her Royal Highness, Empress of the Croctapus Empire. Where were we? Oh yeah, the civil war!  The Golden horde will aid us!  And we're going to need them, that's a lot of troops!  Battle is joined.  Another daughter is born.  Bidia himself is getting older.  The kingdom swarms with ineffective low tech troops.  Another battle is joined.  Victory is of course ours.   The rebels are winning their war, so we have to march north to battle them.  Will. You. Stop. Rebelling!  For some unknown reason, 15,000 Albion troops decide not to enter the battle.  We are defeated! Curse the perfidy of Albion!  We cannot win both these wars at once, so when Bartan of Mongolia offers a white peace, we take it.  Now we can focus on the rebels.  A vassal dies and Tagul breaks away without us being able to do anything. Bidia is not dealing with this well.  We decide to take their capital.  We then deal with the leader of the rebellion. She is replaced of course, but we get the satisfaction of disrupting their chain of command.  The siege of their capital nets a valuable captive.  We still need to crush their army though.   The reason the Albion troops didn't aid us becomes clear. They were planning their own attack!  Their large army musters.  We need the rebels gone, and now!  We take their banner as a trophy after the rout. This is enough to force them to peace.  Time to march to the next war.   A daughter comes of age.  She brings a new alliance in.  And we will need them – Albion has huge forces for it's size. This battle is lost as our forces come in peace-meal.  We are forced to pay an exorbitant amount for mercenaries.  In we go, with better numbers.  The battle is a close one.   But we win the day, taking the prized banner of Albion off them.  A second son is born.  We begin to siege, they reform their forces.   I seem to have missed another cartograpical checkpoint, but the world has not change that much, the Byzantines continues to sprawl across the map.  Bidia spawns yet another child.  Though it will be his last, as he passes, leaving his eleven year old son Arthur in charge.  He's betrothed, and not to bad.  His infant brother is given Tuva, and immediately gets his own revolution, which we of course will try and help with.  We are working on their capital.  Which nets us a nice lounger.  The Albion army comes to stop us.   Arthur starts a small prank war.  Meanwhile our army takes a severe beating.   Things do not go well in the Tuva war, which ends quickly.  Parts of the kingdom keep flaking off.  Arthur is growing up to be a stern person.  The war continues, and we win another battle.  But another wave of enemies come in – Albion seems to have no end to their numbers.  We win this one.  But the next one does not go as well.  Nor does the one after that!  This is a defensive war, and we will not get much for winning, so we white peace. I would feel sorry for the tens of thousands who died, but they are all the local simians.  Rather than expanding, it feels like i'm getting the locals killed in increasing numbers to stay in place. It's a good thing their numerous. Yours, Grey Hunter.
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Jun 16, 2023 06:47
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Shout out to the country just called "Ü" for keeping it concise.
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Jun 16, 2023 12:41
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We're going to get the entire earth one day, just in [check note] an undefined amount of time.
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Jun 16, 2023 15:13
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From - Lord Admiral Grey Hunter, To - Her Royal Highness, Empress of the Croctapus Empire.   Why does this small province have so many troops?  Oh. Ooooooohhhhhh.  Arthur comes of age. He is a solid fighter.  He's quickly married off.  Let's hope he has a long an glorious reign!  Like other teens, he's really into his herbs.  The expansion of the holdings continues.  He shows some wise leadership, finding the middle ground.  It's time for war with Tuva!  Of course, Umlaut automatically declare war on us. Figures.  And yeah, they want the whole kingdom.  Well, this is going to be a bloody war.  Our allies tie up half their army while we fall on the other half.  But they die to quickly, and are not able to prevent the enemy from marching down to link up their forces. We are defeated.  Arthur gets a puppy.   We take that province in the middle of our lands.  This kid keeps throwing animals at Arthur!  Your the first good general I've gotten in centuries! Fight!  We smash a besieging force.  Mercenaries are hired to bolster our forces.  We throw them right into battle.  But they are able to mass their forces and defeat us.  And now the forces of Umlaut have arrived. Great.  A girl, but at least it's a heir. Maybe I can convince the simians that the females are just as capable this time?  Battle with Umlaut is engaged.  But our forces are once more routed.   We peace out with Tuva – we're not losing anything, and we can always come back to them!  More mercenaries are hired to bolster our forces.  We also have the cash to send someone off on an adventure, apparently.  Right, we need a victory to turn this around.  Get them lads!  Finally!   Apparently the skull of an enemy is still considered a viable gift. These savages remain savages despite five hundred and fifty years of my support and teachings!  I'm surprised it's not somebodies phallus.  We continue to fight.  We do not prevail.  Let's see if we can murder our way out of this!   We will still have to fight the old fashioned way though.  Down she goes!  Let's hope the child will not be able to hold their kingdom together.  A victory on the battlefield soon follows.  They still have so many troops!  We take out one force.  Then the other. Things finally seem to be turning around.  We need to retake some of the land they have conquered.  Taking this army out will also help.  Someone still wants to join us. Which is nice.   We finally get a white peace in this defensive war.  Once again, lots of dead humans for no gain. Oh well, their expendable. Your's Grey Hunter.
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Jun 19, 2023 06:38
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It could be worse, could be worse
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Jun 19, 2023 12:34
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Props to Croc to keep on going despite everything going to sewer every time he tries something. His will of steel is something to be admired.
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Jun 19, 2023 14:51
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I see what U did there!
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Jun 19, 2023 22:53
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Is it just impossible to resupply armies in these steppes terrain areas due to supply limits, even by splitting them up and waiting in separate provinces? I notice your army is just low supply or starving often. It might be a factor in these cases where you are losing even fights, or that one time you lost with a numbers advantage.
Rawkking fucked around with this message at 23:29 on Jun 19, 2023 |
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Jun 19, 2023 23:25
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Rawkking posted:Is it just impossible to resupply armies in these steppes terrain areas due to supply limits, even by splitting them up and waiting in separate provinces? I notice your army is just low supply or starving often. It might be a factor in these cases where you are losing even fights, or that one time you lost with a numbers advantage. Yeah, its a pain keeping this large an army in the field, even after 550 years, the idea of roads is just not there.
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Jun 20, 2023 15:38
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I think some of the settlement upgrades include increasing supply capacity but in this game you generally only have the money to upgrade your own direct holdings and you rely on your vassals to spend money upgrading theirs. There's also terrain maluses, for example if you move into a province where the enemy army is already situated and you crossed a river or they have defensive structures you can get significant battle penalties. Then you've got your leadership, whoever is leading the army applies their martial prowess and you have some number of knights (or in this game, baghuturs I think), they matter too. And Grey doesn't show us what troops he's got selected but he could have poorer quality troops, too. In addition to your rabble you build units and you select from whatever the best options you can afford and your civ has researched, but your opponents may have good hard counters to your guys or they may have higher tech. So normally having a substantially larger army wins, but there are a lot of factors at play that can make things worse for you and GH basically can't expect to win wars with enemies who have equal numbers of troops as him, at least not the enemies he's been fighting lately; something like a +50% numbers advantage may be necessary.
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Jun 20, 2023 17:07
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Leperflesh posted:I think some of the settlement upgrades include increasing supply capacity but in this game you generally only have the money to upgrade your own direct holdings and you rely on your vassals to spend money upgrading theirs. Following that, trying to use more Men At Arms rather than levies? It usually is easier to deploy them and cost less to use during war than a full scale army. It's just the cost of creating them and maintaining their cost when not used that can make a hole in the budget if done incorrectly.
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Jun 20, 2023 18:15
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Depends on whether GH has hit his max. There's only so many units of men at arms you're allowed to raise.
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Jun 20, 2023 19:04
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How many men is he allowed to braise?
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Jun 20, 2023 19:06
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| # ? Jun 1, 2024 20:55 |
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By popular demand posted:How many men is he allowed to braise? As many peasants as he can catch
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Jun 20, 2023 19:14
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