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Jim busts a nut under his desk and wipes the spunk into Dwight’s hair.
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Jun 7, 2023 07:53
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| # ? May 30, 2024 16:13 |
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Jim busts a nut under his, Dwight's, desk and wipes the spunk into Dwight’s leg hair.
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Jun 7, 2023 08:59
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Jim cuts out the middle man and busts a nut directly over an oblivious Dwight's hair whilst he, Dwight, is busy filling in daily reports. Jim spends the rest of the day complaining about "those drat office-birds sharting everywhere". Pam spends the rest of the day biting her lip and staring at Dwight.
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Jun 7, 2023 09:43
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dwight steps away from his desk, directly into the path of jim, home-run bat readied, charging a forward smash attack
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Jun 7, 2023 13:56
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Jim hits Dwight with a baseball bat, flinging him straight into the sky where he, Dwight, disappears with a small flash of light.
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Jun 7, 2023 15:28
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"Falcon punch!" exclaims Jim much to the annoyance of Oscar.
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Jun 7, 2023 15:38
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Ryan (wearing a VanDyke beard) turns a withering glare upon Jim. “What is your problem, man? Seriously, what the hell?” Jim, frozen halfway through trying to climb into the fax machine and wearing a Japanese schoolgirl costume, looks guiltily back at Ryan, trying to think of something to say.
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Jun 7, 2023 16:18
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Jim steals Dwight's DVD collection of Scrubs, something that Dwight isn't ever aware of. While sitting in his racecar bed, Jim smiles as the warm glow of his TV illuminates the dingy basement. "Heh, the X-ray is backwards. Gonna have to update the ol' IMDB with this goof." Jim has said this exact thing at least 700 times since stealing the DVD.
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Jun 7, 2023 16:28
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Ryan (wearing a VanDyke beard) turns a withering glare upon Jim. “What is your problem, man? Seriously, what the hell?” Jim is standing stock-still, his head tipped to the side as he stares up into space (a classic indication that he’s engaged in one of his classic Jim fantasy cutaways, but which of course nobody watching An American Workplace can see, because this is a documentary series, and not a hit NBC sitcom like the classic Zach Braff vehicle Scrubs).
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Jun 7, 2023 16:45
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Jim invents glasses that turn whatever they aim at into stone, and that night replaces Dwight's glasses on his nightstand with the new cursed glasses
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Jun 7, 2023 17:07
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One day Jim paints the office and everything in it Vanta black, including himself. Jim spends the day lurking unseen, whispering vague threats into the ears of coworkers as they desperately try to type on keyboards they cannot see, and ambushing Dwight as he pees all over and next to, the perfectly black urinals. Later on the way home, Jim is arrested for a hate crime.
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Jun 7, 2023 17:27
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One day Jim paints the office and everything in it Vanta black, including himself. Anish Kapoor, who has exclusive rights to the use of Vantablack, sues Jim and Dunder-Mifflin for using the pigment without permission, causing the office to go bankrupt and shut down.
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Jun 7, 2023 22:58
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Jim paints the inside of Dwight’s bed and breakfast so many times that the square footage of each room is a few inches less than what Dwight posts online. Jim then spends 6 months at the B&B, partaking in copious amounts of food and drink and staining multiple sets of bed linen with what can best be described as “bodily fluids”, although Dwight and Angela can’t quite tell what sort of fluids they are or how long a body would have to be dead to produce fluids of that smell and consistency. Nevertheless, Dwight is happy to have a guest. At the end of his stay, Jim is handed his bill and smiles. “Oh, I think you’ll find that this is all free. The room is significantly smaller than what you posted online. That’s false advertising, Dwight.” Dwight then asks Jim to look at the bill. Printed on an otherwise blank sheet of paper are just a few words: YOUR TOTAL COST: $0 RECOMMENDED TIP: A SMILE Dwight has been running his B&B for years as a totally free safe house for the various underprivileged citizens of Scranton. He assumed Jim was here because of marital issues, which was why he went so far out of his way to meet Jim’s every need. “Well I’ll be goddamned if you get that smile,” Jim replies. Dwight says that’s fine, it was just a recommended tip.
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Jun 8, 2023 03:15
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Dwight accidentally stubs his toe at work on the corner of a desk. "Talk about having ''toe jam', huh, Dwight?" Jim mugs at Dwight and returns to work. The next day, Dwight breaks the tip of his pencil filling out a document. "Talk about getting the lead out, huh, Dwight?" Jim, once again, mugs at Dwight and returns to work. The day after that, Dwight forgot to zip up his pants after going to the restroom and is embarrassed when Pam points it out. "At least you didn't walk around all day like that. I guess you could say that neither you nor Pam know how to 'zip it.'" Jim mugs at Dwight and goes back to work. At the camera confessional, Jim admits that he feels like the pranking on Dwight has become boring, especially when reality itself is now so corrupted by Jim's constant pranking. That stuff with the desk and the pencil and Dwight's zipper? Nothing to do with Jim. That's just what nature is now. "I'm just going to be punning and mugging on Dwight for a while. But pranker's gotta prank someone." Jim doesn't mug at the camera. The cameraman and the documentary eventually find the blank tapes in their supply van embedded in Jello.
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Jun 8, 2023 03:59
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Gatto Grigio posted:Jim busts a nut under his desk and wipes the spunk into Dwight’s hair. Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:Jim busts a nut under his, Dwight's, desk and wipes the spunk into Dwight’s leg hair. RickRogers posted:Jim cuts out the middle man and busts a nut directly over an oblivious Dwight's hair whilst he, Dwight, is busy filling in daily reports. Later in the talking heads part; "Uh, well you see I've been eating a lot of pineapple recently...and uh, yeah, the toilets keep getting blocked, so I'm having to find other ways of disposing of my seed" Cut to everyone in the office having slicked up 'something about mary'-hair
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Jun 8, 2023 08:20
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Hoping to cash in on the current UFO craze, Jim calls the police and claims that he saw two alien beings walking through his backyard. He describes them almost exactly like a standard Grey except for one thing - they were both wearing mustard yellow jumpsuits and "weird nerdy glasses". The internet goes wild with this report, exactly as Jim expected. He eventually writes a tell-all book about the incident, claiming that the aliens were "rear end crazy" and kept trying to probe him, that the aliens smelled like beets, and that he "beat the poo poo out of a 3rd, previously unreported alien". The book becomes a bestseller and is then made into a movie starring Jared Leto as Jim. "Well, Dwight, did you see the trailer for 'The Scranton Incident' yet? It looks really scary!" Dwight admits that he hasn't seen it yet, he's been pretty busy lately. Jim then shoves his cell phone in Dwight's face and starts playing the trailer. In it, Jared Leto sneaks through a darkened house before there's a loud jumpscare and it cuts to the next scene. The whole time, a slowed down version of "I'm Blue" by Eiffel 65 is playing dramatically. At the end of the trailer, Jared Leto mugs for the camera. Dwight looks up at Jim, who is making the exact same face. A Fancy Hat fucked around with this message at 18:11 on Jun 8, 2023 |
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Jun 8, 2023 17:54
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Jim keeps paying homeless people to dress as Santa and chase Dwight, thus ruining his love of the holiday season and exasperating his crippling seasonal affective disorder even further. At the next Christmas office party, Dwight suffers a panic attack and throws Kevin's cauldron of egg nog over the floor. Elf-Jim mugs to the camera whilst suggestively sucking on a candy cane.
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Jun 8, 2023 18:17
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Jim launches a kickstarter to fund his newest prank, which he claims will "reinvent the very concept of pranking". It's fully funded in just over 72 hours, and every single stretch goal is hit, including the behind the scenes documentary. Even Dwight admits that he's bought into the hype, arguing that a completely reinvented prank might actual entail Jim being nice to him. None of this matters anyway as production of the prank seems to quickly fizzle out, with Jim posting fewer updates over time and then eventually just posting "Done with this SHT!!!!!!!" as his final update. When investors try to get their money back, Jim says he already spent it all on the prank, but that he "didn't calculate shipping and handling costs". Jim then posts a video of him burning a giant pile of wood, presumably some sort of pranking device. Jim then completely disappears from both the internet and the office. Dwight asks if maybe THAT was the prank, but no one is ever totally sure.
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Jun 9, 2023 13:47
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Jim struggles to walk into work as he’s completely covered with spaghetti. Just hundreds of pounds of loose spaghetti noodles strapped to his body, covering his arms, legs, and head (with just a few inches open for his face). Jim is silent as he falls into his chair and seemingly tries to work throughout the day. It’s obviously frustrating, and Jim can barely hold the phone receiver or type without the spaghetti noodles causing him to slip and drop things. Dwight refuses to comment or even look at Jim, hoping to avoid triggering whatever the next stage of the “prank” is, whatever it may be. Ultimately, five o’clock rolls around, and Jim silently stands and stumbles for the door. Nobody has mentioned the fact that he’s been entirely engulfed in wet spaghetti noodles the entire time. Instead of mugging the camera, Jim keeps his head bowed as he walks out, and seems to be blinking back tears. In a talking head segment later, Jim testily explains that “not everything I do is about pranking Dwight” and that he’d “appreciate a little privacy as I’m working through some things.”
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Jun 9, 2023 16:10
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Jim staples Dwight to his, Dwight's, chair and tickles him mercilessly with a feather duster. "Ok ok, now you can do me Dwight!!!" Exclaims a red-faced and over stimulated Jim. "Uh, no thanks Jim." "Well, uh, yeah of course... because that's not.. that's not pranking you....I jus-" "Please just let me go now" Jim spends the rest of the day nervously mugging to the camera and trying to get Dwight to sign the mandatory 'prank release-form', but Dwight wants to run it by Pam first.
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Jun 9, 2023 17:59
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“Hey Dwight,” Jim starts as they’re both sitting at their desks. “Would you still love me if I was a worm?” Dwight is caught off guard by the question, and asks Jim to repeat it to make sure he heard right. “W-would you still love me if I was a worm?” Jim’s voice breaks, and tears begin to form in his eyes. After taking a second to figure out what to say, Dwight answers that while “love” is a strong word, Jim’s identity ultimately has no impact on what he (Dwight) thinks of him (Jim). Jim transforms into a tapeworm and moves into Dwight’s digestive system, depriving Dwight of vital nutrients he needs to live a healthy life. Tapeworm Jim mugs for the endoscopic camera.
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Jun 10, 2023 01:48
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Jim transforms into a swarm of bees and chases him, Dwight, inro running traffic.
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Jun 10, 2023 08:32
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After making absolutely, positively sure to lock his computer, Dwight heads into the bathroom. Inside, he finds it stacked floor to ceiling with boxes of top secret classified material.
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Jun 11, 2023 02:36
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After making absolutely, positively sure to lock his computer, Dwight heads into the bathroom. Inside, he finds his computer thrown in the toilet
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Jun 11, 2023 03:05
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After making absolutely, positively sure to lock his computer, Dwight heads into the bathroom. Inside, he finds Jim bathing sitting shamefaced on the toilet slurping up a plateful of spaghetti.
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Jun 11, 2023 03:30
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After making absolutely, positively sure to lock his computer, Dwight heads into the bathroom. Inside, he finds Jim, who has eaten said computer, weeping and straining over the toilet as circuit boards tear up his colon.
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Jun 11, 2023 04:17
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After making absolutely, positively sure to lock Dwight in the bathroom, Jim and Pam take turns making tender, yet passionate, love to Angela who has the word “document” scrawled across her forehead in eyeliner makeup
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Jun 11, 2023 04:25
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Jim transports thousands of yellowjackets to Dwight’s property, taking extra care to hide them in places where Dwight is sure to mistakenly disturb them in the course of his normal day. At work the next day, Dwight shows up and is obviously distressed. He has large red welts over much of his body and appears extremely uncomfortable, presumably from even more stings in places that are covered by his professional attire. A furious Angela approaches Jim. “Listen up you little poo poo, did you put those yellowjackets in our yard? Did you?!” Jim mugs at her, then raises his shoulders in an “I dunno” motion. This infuriates Angela, who grabs him by the collar of his shirt. “They stung my cats, Jim. We had to put one of them down. I don’t think you understand what this means for you. An eye for an eye, Jim, that’s what the Bible teaches us. You took a life from me, I will take a life from you. You’re lucky Dwight is here, because he’s the only thing keeping you alive right now. But the second he goes to the bathroom after making absolutely sure to lock his computer? Your rear end is mine.” Jim loudly gulps, then thinks of an excuse. “I-it wasn’t me. I think maybe it was viral marketing for that TV show Yellowjackets. I saw a truck driving around with their logo on it! Yeah, that’s the ticket!” “Sure, Jim, sure. Keep telling yourself that. And remember, the SECOND that Dwight leaves, I’m coming for you.” Angela then heads over to Dwight to hand him a cup of coffee, a thermos full of ice water, and a few slices of watermelon. Jim can’t bring himself to mug for the camera.
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Jun 11, 2023 13:45
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After making absolutely, positively sure to lock his computer, Dwight heads into the bathroom. Inside, he finds himself (Dwight) and Love, making passionate yet tender Jim to a jello mold.
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Jun 11, 2023 14:26
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Jim floods half of Scranton, all so he can call Dwight a “coastal elite”.
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Jun 11, 2023 16:22
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Jim gifts Dwight 1billion dollars just to be able to call him a "out of touch billionaire".
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Jun 11, 2023 19:31
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Jim gifts Dwight permanent nerve damage just to be able to call him a "out of touch".
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Jun 11, 2023 20:54
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Jim hires a couple of Viggo Mortenson look-alikes to stab Dwight's eyes out, just so he can say he was "blinded by Aragorns"
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Jun 11, 2023 21:03
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using the surprisingly far-reaching powers granted to him as scranton's chief dogcatcher, jim retroactively exercises the right of ius primae noctis on dwight and angela's marriage as dwight grimly queues at CVS for condoms, jim mugs the camera
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Jun 11, 2023 21:11
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When Dwight applies to Cornell in order to bring Andy some humility, Jim hacks into their admissions office and grants Dwight an auto-admit status, just so that he can call Dwight an “out of touch Ivy Leaguer”.
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Jun 11, 2023 21:19
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Jim gives Dwight poison ivy right before his beer-league baseball game. Not being a college grad, Jim doesn't get a lot of the terms mentioned around the office or in general conversation.
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Jun 11, 2023 21:55
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Jim flays the flesh off Dwight's body just to be able to call him "out of touch." Fortunately for Dwight this is once again the hellraiser universe and Dwight suffers the strongest orgasm of his entire life. The prank is that Dwight will never reach a peak of sexual gratification like that again, something that weights heavily on cenobite dwight's mind for the rest of his tortured days
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Jun 11, 2023 22:18
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Dwight produces a small, one-man play entitled “A Beet Before Dying”. It gains universal acclaim for its unflinching portrayal of a divorced man coping with his many failures in life after receiving a cancer diagnosis. Critics hail Dwight’s emotional performance and ask how he can so completely inhabit the character of Tim, a man who destroyed his own life and now deeply regrets it only when it might be too late to make amends. Dwight says it’s just “creativity” and says he’s not basing it on any one person in particular. Jim sees the play and declares it “boring, sexless, and ultimately without merit beyond a perfunctory glance”. This also prompts him to stage his own musical - “Mars Needs Moms: The Musical Journey”. It only runs for 6 performances and costs nearly 200 million dollars between the elaborate costumes, lighting, pyrotechnics, and Jim’s insistence that all of the female Martian character costumes “have working genitalia”. Although a commercial and critical flop, Jim considers this to be his masterpiece and bankrolls a massive campaign to win a Scranny; Scranton’s local theater equivalent of the Tonys. Jim wins for best set design (Dwight sweeps every other eligible category) and celebrates as if he won the Super Bowl. Later that night, Dwight shows up at Poor Richard’s, having left the rest of the party at The Petite Duck, Scranton’s 5th most romantic restaurant. He sits down next to Jim, who is working on his 9th Appletini of the night. Dwight sets down his Scranton for best actor and tells Jim that he (Jim) deserves it. A drunken Jim stares at it for a moment and then looks oddly serene. “Hey Dwight, is that guy Tim based on me?” Dwight says that yes, he is. “I knew it! Ha, that’s pretty great. That guy was a real rear end in a top hat, you know? Always putting himself before others. No wonder nobody liked him. But he made it right in the end, right? It wasn’t too late for him. That’s good stuff, Dwight. You leave the theater feeling kinda sad, but hopeful. Wanting to, you know, be like Tim at the end. I guess there’s hope for all of us, huh?” Dwight pats Jim on the shoulder, leaves the Scranny, and heads home. He’s content. At work the next day Jim smashes Dwight’s Scranny with a ball peen hammer and sprinkles the chunks of it in Dwight’s coffee. When Dwight starts choking, Jim mugs for the camera. “What? I don’t have cancer! I got plenty of time to make things right!”
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Jun 12, 2023 03:23
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Jim sells Dwight on wireless home internet. Dwight looks at the speeds and price and agrees to the contract. Dwight confesses that since he lives all the way out in the country with no one else around that he's going to be getting the lion's share of the bandwidth. The next day, as Dwight is showing his young son the farm that he'll someday inherit, Jim releases a wildebeest stampede that kills Dwight. Dwight's son is blamed for the death and Jim takes Angela as his mate.
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Jun 12, 2023 03:35
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| # ? May 30, 2024 16:13 |
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Jim starts building a giant, concrete tower in his front yard. There's nothing inherently linking this to Dwight at first, but Dwight obviously finds the whole thing rather suspicious. As the days roll on the tower grows taller and taller, eventually dwarfing the rest of the buildings in the White Flight housing development. Soon enough, it's visible even from the office. In fact, Jim spends much of his time in the office staring out the window at his tower. Dwight eventually asks him just what purpose that tower is going to hold. "Oh, you'll be made aware soon enough. Everyone will. The tower will serve as a wonderful sacrifice for the Many-Pranking Ones." This isn't an exceptionally odd thing for Jim to say, but it still bothers Dwight a bit. He decides to go and check out the tower himself after work, to find out if there are any building code violations that might endanger Scranton. The day passes relatively calmly, with Jim mostly staring at the tower and muttering something in a dead, alien language. Basically a normal Tuesday. After work Dwight rushes over to Jim's house, hoping to secretly examine the tower. It's a featureless grey tower of concrete covered in wooden scaffolding, presumably for Jim to continue his work. Dwight begins walking up the scaffolding and examining the tower, which is structurally sound. He kicks at it in a few spots but nothing cracks or moves. Indeed, this appears to be far beyond Jim's usual standard of work. Dwight finally reaches the top of the tower, which scrapes the clouds, and looks down into the hollow inside of the architectural wonder. As he does, he's hit with a terrible odor. Dwight realizes that the tower is probably capturing rainwater and perhaps has some stagnant water below; a dangerous risk of bacteria or mosquito infestations is now inherent in Jim's tower. Dwight decides to head back down an inform Jim of the dangerous health hazard. As he does, however, he senses a presence behind him. Quickly turning around, he sees Jim, dressed in a crimson road, staring at him. "Thank you, Dwight. Thank you for finally making your contribution to the tower." With that, Jim shoves Dwight forward. The shock of this causes Dwight to lose his footing and falls into the tower. He smashes against the side and eventually hits the bottom, thudding against something soft and wet below him. In his last moments, Dwight realizes that he's surrounded by... himself. Thousands of Dwights lay there, dead and dying, piled up in Jim's profane tower. Also there's one Oscar in there, too. Thousands of feet above, Jim mugs for his cruel audience.
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Jun 12, 2023 14:17
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