(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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MLK Ultra posted:Lol. One month after my dad dies - there goes my grandmother. Mom's a fuckin' wreck.  jesus christ, that's loving awful. i can't even imagine.
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Jun 8, 2023 05:53
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| # ? May 26, 2024 08:37 |
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a strange fowl has issued a correction as of 23:29 on Jun 9, 2023 |
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Jun 9, 2023 01:00
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never mind gently caress i need to stop posting in this thread, it actually doesn't help at all
a strange fowl has issued a correction as of 00:50 on Jun 10, 2023 |
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Jun 9, 2023 23:21
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“I wonder how I may hurt or cause harm today”
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Jun 10, 2023 00:39
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a strange fowl posted:never mind gently caress i need to stop posting in this thread, it actually doesn't help at all uh I feel like I can speak for most of the thread regulars and say that posting here is mostly good, we're happy to put eyes on a thing and tell you our reaction to it or just hear whatever you feel like getting out for example: Wizard Master posted:“I wonder how I may hurt or cause harm today” this seems like a pretty crazy thought!
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Jun 10, 2023 01:34
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There's nothing wrong with needing to vent!
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Jun 10, 2023 01:52
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Jorge Bell posted:uh I feel like I can speak for most of the thread regulars and say that posting here is mostly good, we're happy to put eyes on a thing and tell you our reaction to it or just hear whatever you feel like getting out
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Jun 10, 2023 02:25
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drat it quote is not edit, i'm sorry, i am making a scene
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Jun 10, 2023 02:25
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a strange fowl posted:drat it quote is not edit, i'm sorry, i am making a scene i will forgive this
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Jun 10, 2023 03:56
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a strange fowl posted:thank you, and i agree threads like this are valuable for other people for that reason. it's just hard to balance the good feeling from expressing myself, with the guilt of complaining about my idiot family on a public forum where anyone could see I love my mom more than anyone on this planet but she drives me absolutely loving nuts sometimes. I see in her a lot of things that I've worked to correct in myself so I am hyperattentive and critical of that stuff. Drawing good boundaries and understanding which spaces are mine, which are hers, and what we can share was tremendously important to being able to live with her during COVID. Having spaces where I can complain about her was also really necessary for me, so that it didn't come out in lovely ways when I did interact with her. Venting in a safe space is good, and in lieu of having a therapist to talk this poo poo over with, peer groups and less formal spaces like this thread can help. Not telling you to post or think any differently, just sharing how I look at, uh, sharing.
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Jun 10, 2023 04:25
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a strange fowl posted:thank you, and i agree threads like this are valuable for other people for that reason. it's just hard to balance the good feeling from expressing myself, with the guilt of complaining about my idiot family on a public forum where anyone could see it might be helpful to explore why guilt is controlling your actions, especially if they're the natural opposite to feeling good. the binary you presented was "feel good and express myself" vs. "guilt of complaining about family". not love for or protectiveness of family, but guilt of exposing them. if i knew you i might ask what else you do at the expense of your emotional health to shield your family. i'm not suggesting you expose them here and now, but it might be worth asking yourself if that feeling comes up a lot.
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Jun 10, 2023 06:36
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Had an insomnia attack last night and have felt tense and upset most of the day. I've been able to keep most of the mental problems down, mostly by recognizing that I'm having a physical episode that's making it hard to think clearly and that ive beaten it before and just need to wait it out again, but still sucks that I'm having trouble sleeping and dealing with these symptoms. Got a bit of an upset stomach and my heart feels fast and heavy, plus my whole body feels tense and tired. I don't know exactly why this came back right now- there's a few minor things here and there but nothing worse than the usual baseline. E: I wanna take a nap but feel like I've got too much adrenaline
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Jun 11, 2023 17:31
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Hey, hope everyone's doing well in here. Just checking in and offering a shoulder or a quotable post if you need to vent or let poo poo out.StashAugustine posted:Had an insomnia attack last night and have felt tense and upset most of the day. I've been able to keep most of the mental problems down, mostly by recognizing that I'm having a physical episode that's making it hard to think clearly and that ive beaten it before and just need to wait it out again, but still sucks that I'm having trouble sleeping and dealing with these symptoms. Got a bit of an upset stomach and my heart feels fast and heavy, plus my whole body feels tense and tired. I don't know exactly why this came back right now- there's a few minor things here and there but nothing worse than the usual baseline. Caffeine at all? It is an adrenal stimulator.
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Jun 11, 2023 18:50
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Caffeine probably isn't helping I guess, but idk if its decisive. I pretty much always have a teacup of coffee in the morning, and over the past few weeks I've been slowly getting sucked back into having a caffinated soda around midday to get through work- though I didn't have soda yesterday when I ended up with insomnia that night, and I had a few months of being relatively calm while still having coffee.
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Jun 11, 2023 18:54
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StashAugustine posted:Caffeine probably isn't helping I guess, but idk if its decisive. I pretty much always have a teacup of coffee in the morning, and over the past few weeks I've been slowly getting sucked back into having a caffinated soda around midday to get through work- though I didn't have soda yesterday when I ended up with insomnia that night, and I had a few months of being relatively calm while still having coffee. Ahhh, I get that too, sometimes; if I have too much caffeine, or it's still in my system and I get insomnia, it potentiates the jitters the next day. Are you on any medicines that might overlap that in the body chemistry sense?
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Jun 11, 2023 19:15
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StashAugustine posted:Had an insomnia attack last night and have felt tense and upset most of the day. I've been able to keep most of the mental problems down, mostly by recognizing that I'm having a physical episode that's making it hard to think clearly and that ive beaten it before and just need to wait it out again, but still sucks that I'm having trouble sleeping and dealing with these symptoms. Got a bit of an upset stomach and my heart feels fast and heavy, plus my whole body feels tense and tired. I don't know exactly why this came back right now- there's a few minor things here and there but nothing worse than the usual baseline. I was just reading an article in WaPo about early heart attack signs and now everything seems to be a potential heart attack symptom now so I'm hair triggered to be alarmist but maybe consider getting that checked? I am not an MD and am not giving medical advice btw
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Jun 12, 2023 01:33
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Bilirubin posted:I was just reading an article in WaPo about early heart attack signs and now everything seems to be a potential heart attack symptom now so I'm hair triggered to be alarmist but maybe consider getting that checked? Yeah I was scared of that a while back, but I got checked out the day after an attack a while back and didn't have anything noticed. I'm also in acceptable shape in my late 20s so it feels pretty unlikely. I felt better when I went out for dinner with some of my siblings in town, so if it isn't purely psychological then it's something transient. But yeah I'm always not sure when worrying about something is hypochondriac anxiety and when ignoring it is complacency E: persistence has me worried, these episodes usually last for quite some time rather than being sharp shocks, not sure if the fact that they've been recurring for months makes it better or worse StashAugustine has issued a correction as of 02:09 on Jun 12, 2023 |
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Jun 12, 2023 01:42
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If you have frequent physical symptoms of anxiety, you might want to ask about getting a beta blocker prescription. I take one and it's a noticeable improvement. They're pretty old medications so there should be cheap genetics available.
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Jun 12, 2023 02:16
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Adenoid Dan posted:If you have frequent physical symptoms of anxiety, you might want to ask about getting a beta blocker prescription. I take one and it's a noticeable improvement. propanolol is great for physical anxiety symptoms, works better than xanax etc. but doesn't make you feel dumb. makes adrenaline shakey jilted jittery poo poo not happen at all its used as an ADHD treatment too, feels like it makes your threshold for losing your train of thought go up in general, pretty cool medication all around it lowers your blood pressure quite a bit tho so if you're taking anything that does that/have low bp b extra careful
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Jun 12, 2023 02:55
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StashAugustine posted:Yeah I was scared of that a while back, but I got checked out the day after an attack a while back and didn't have anything noticed. I'm also in acceptable shape in my late 20s so it feels pretty unlikely. I felt better when I went out for dinner with some of my siblings in town, so if it isn't purely psychological then it's something transient. But yeah I'm always not sure when worrying about something is hypochondriac anxiety and when ignoring it is complacency ok good good, just checking
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Jun 12, 2023 03:15
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Propranolol is effective for migraines as well, so it's a hat trick for me! I never thought about it for ADHD but I'm prone to distraction (obviously) and anxiety is frequently distracting.
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Jun 12, 2023 05:10
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beta blockers sound nice but apparently they don't mix well with asthma? rip
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Jun 12, 2023 17:20
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I think some of them like atenolol (cardioselective ones, they affect a different version of the receptor not present in airways) are ok with asthma. Might be worth asking about anyway if you think it might help.
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Jun 12, 2023 18:29
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gently caress!!!
a strange fowl has issued a correction as of 03:45 on Jun 13, 2023 |
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Jun 12, 2023 23:54
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cash crab posted:yeah, i think i might struggle with literal thinking a lot more than i originally thought which might explain why i also get so devastated when people lie to me or use coded, layered speech. For me it was finding out the Golden Rule is a loving terrible idea if the way you want to be treated is considered awful and terrible by other people and not how they want to be treated at all. Then you have to resolve how the way people want to be treated puts one in incredibly uncomfortable situations with regard to small talk expectations, how often you have to consistently see someone before they think you abandoned them, that refusal to make eye contact and maintain it during a conversation is a sign of disrespect and that you should be bullied, etc. Also the coded speech enrages me because I grew up in the late 90s/early 00s where torturing someone with hyper ironic mind games was considered hilarious and still is by some shitheads on the internet. In positive news, finally a hearing for my administrative disability appeal! Trying to stay positive but I expect the judge is going to look at 4+ years with no income and just rule i am only "partially' disabled and thus entitled to $0 disability. gently caress it, next time i see my doc i'm getting the application for a handicap car placard filled out. I'm going to get something out of this mess, hopefully. Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 04:32 on Jun 13, 2023 |
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Jun 13, 2023 04:29
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drat that sucks. I've been in a place where I had people close to me suggesting disability, but something intuitive told me that I wasn't going to get any sympathy as I wasn't physically disabled. Looking back, I'm really glad I didn't try to go through the hoops just to get rejected and let be honest, bumped up to the top of the undesirables list. There's a lot of jobs out there, the vast majority suck, but otoh might suck less than dealing with the disabiltity system. One that is underfunded and pretty socially stigmatized, too. If you have a disability that is visible it might be worth it, but drat, 4 years and no progress? That would fuuuuck my brain up.
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Jun 13, 2023 17:20
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FirstnameLastname posted:propanolol is great for physical anxiety symptoms, works better than xanax etc. but doesn't make you feel dumb. makes adrenaline shakey jilted jittery poo poo not happen at all propanolol is great, I was prescribed it for anxiety from my tinnitus and a couple months later I still take one in the morning and evening even though I don't need it as much. it helps keep the anxiety in check and my doctor gave me a year's worth of refills and enough for 3 pills a day since you can take it long term.
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Jun 13, 2023 20:14
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Trauts posted:drat that sucks. I've been in a place where I had people close to me suggesting disability, but something intuitive told me that I wasn't going to get any sympathy as I wasn't physically disabled. Looking back, I'm really glad I didn't try to go through the hoops just to get rejected and let be honest, bumped up to the top of the undesirables list. There's a lot of jobs out there, the vast majority suck, but otoh might suck less than dealing with the disabiltity system. One that is underfunded and pretty socially stigmatized, too. If you have a disability that is visible it might be worth it, but drat, 4 years and no progress? That would fuuuuck my brain up. I'm at the opposite, I shouldn't have been in the work force at all, and hurt myself very badly by repeatedly slamming myself into it in order to "fake it until you make it". I was wrongly classified as high functioning because I could temporarily hold a job instead of moderate functioning where I can pay my bills and shower regularly if I have nothing else going on and money just dropping into my bank account. Turns out "you are what you pretend to be" only applies to bad things! If you say racist things you will be (are) a racist, but 20 years of faking neurotypicality never made me any more neurotypical. And at this point I have about 3 hours a week of executive function to like, go to doctor's appointments and such. Going somewhere to do things according to the instructions of a customer/boss are going to result in me self harming, end of story. My specific kind of autism absolutely does NOT derive stability and comfort from routine and constant schedules, those in fact gently caress me up. These 4 years have sucked, but like, I had my first maoist red terror fantasy when I was pretty much homeless and eating a pizza that was about to be tossed into a dumpster by a convenience store clerk. And while the period I was living in my car was absolute dogshit, it was far less awful than working. Comrades who keep saying people want to work and that people derive worth and dignity from owning the means of their production need to add some asterisks and exceptions (and if they call those exceptions lumpenproles, well, then, gently caress them). At this point I'm like, gently caress it, unironic welfare king, not doing much except what I please and turning food into poo poo. Also, if a purge of the disabled comes to america seeing our yeehaw fascist greg abbot getting ernst rohm'd by his own party is going to be extremely karmic. [Willy Nelson voice] There were seven pusher robots, at the top of the capitol stairs- Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 05:57 on Jun 14, 2023 |
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Jun 14, 2023 05:51
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So I'm Forty-loving-Four and I just found out that I have ADHD and got a prescription for adderall. I feel a million times better but I'm also absolutely furious that I didn't get a diagnosis three loving decades ago!
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Jun 14, 2023 06:08
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high five i got diagnosed last month and i'm thirty fuckin three
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Jun 14, 2023 06:09
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Zeroisanumber posted:So I'm Forty-loving-Four and I just found out that I have ADHD and got a prescription for adderall. 
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Jun 14, 2023 06:39
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Sup fellow middle aged adderal junkies. Broke: taking weed for medicinal purposes Bespoke: taking meth for medicinal purposes. its also loving schedule II now making it even more of a pain in the rear end to get 
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Jun 14, 2023 07:17
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Ronwayne posted:I'm at the opposite, I shouldn't have been in the work force at all, and hurt myself very badly by repeatedly slamming myself into it in order to "fake it until you make it". I was wrongly classified as high functioning because I could temporarily hold a job instead of moderate functioning where I can pay my bills and shower regularly if I have nothing else going on and money just dropping into my bank account. Turns out "you are what you pretend to be" only applies to bad things! If you say racist things you will be (are) a racist, but 20 years of faking neurotypicality never made me any more neurotypical. And at this point I have about 3 hours a week of executive function to like, go to doctor's appointments and such. Going somewhere to do things according to the instructions of a customer/boss are going to result in me self harming, end of story. Well, good luck anyways. You know what's best for you.
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Jun 14, 2023 10:53
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ive been dealing with some returning depression symptoms for the first time in a year or so and was wondering if there's any correlation with life events and what im experiencing, or if my meds weren't working as well as they were. i remembered im reading cormac mccarthy's "blood meridian" and decided to put it down for a few days to see what happens, and wouldn't you know it, i felt better. RIP to mr mccarthy and his writing that makes me want to die. you were a real one lol
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Jun 14, 2023 15:24
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Zeroisanumber posted:So I'm Forty-loving-Four and I just found out that I have ADHD and got a prescription for adderall. my dad got diagnosed when he was 74
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Jun 15, 2023 02:40
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Eat This Glob posted:i remembered im reading cormac mccarthy's "blood meridian" and decided to put it down for a few days to see what happens, and wouldn't you know it, i felt better. lol, yeah, that'll do it. in small deliberate doses i find that stuff helpful but if it's unexpected or i stick with it too long i start thinking about, uh, you know
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Jun 15, 2023 02:53
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I had that exact feeling like a week ago when I got like two chapters into a book on war crimes in Vietnam and was just "yknow, I think I get the gist of it."
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Jun 15, 2023 03:11
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Impermanent posted:high five i got diagnosed last month and i'm thirty fuckin three diagnosed at 30, had 3 amazing years with stims making me able to actually get poo poo done, then ended up getting a viral infection or maybe a bad reaction to years of legal meth idk that happened to get to my heart and leave me with advanced heart failure. 5 years cold turkey without and gently caress I’m jealous of people who can take it and become like effective people. and people who don’t need meth to be functional. miss the weight loss too, gently caress I lost a ton during that time period
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Jun 15, 2023 03:46
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I got diagnosed at 34 and my psychiatrist was just like "I am not giving meth to somebody who has multiple sleep disorders" and, while fair, I am a little peeved. With the current crackdown on prescription mental health drugs however I am very grateful that I never learned a life with it.
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Jun 15, 2023 05:00
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Depends what the sleep disorders are so maybe it's different but stimulants help me stay on a reasonable sleep schedule. I sleep much better when I take them regularly.
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Jun 15, 2023 06:09
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