PYF Something Awful Legends: Page 1562 for the DarkID saga

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > PYF Something Awful Legends: Page 1562 for the DarkID saga

«‹›1601 »

qnqnx: Nov 14, 2010

Leal posted:

Goons are seriously unwell

Sounds like that poster was a normal one.

# ? Jun 12, 2023 04:50

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 28, 2024 09:18

Violen: Jul 25, 2009; ohoho~

dont ask me to try to differentiate goon food horror

# ? Jun 12, 2023 04:50

Leal: Oct 2, 2009

Violen posted:

the goon who subsisted entirely on cheese

Was this the goon who was lactose intolerant and their rear end blasts were so toxic that coworkers refused to work near them, and they considered suing their employer for discrimination when told to stop gassing their fellow coworkers?

# ? Jun 12, 2023 04:52

Violen: Jul 25, 2009; ohoho~

probably but that sounds fake as hell which is disappointing so ill make up something funnier in my head

# ? Jun 12, 2023 04:53

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Frank Frank posted:

I thought it was bacon and his doctor told him he was going to die

I think the one Violen's referring to was eating fistfuls of cheese every day and as a result was regularly dropping gas bombs at work so bad that they'd have to clear the factory floor while it aired out, eventually got diagnosed as lactose intolerant, and instead of doing the normal thing and not eating dairy anymore decided that this meant they had a disability and couldn't be fired for their lethal flatulence and thus they were was gonna keep eating fistfuls of cheese every day

e:f,b

# ? Jun 12, 2023 04:53

Violen: Jul 25, 2009; ohoho~

https://i.imgur.com/Wk4c9N5.mp4

# ? Jun 12, 2023 04:54

Autisanal Cheese: Nov 29, 2010

qnqnx posted:

Sounds like that poster was a normal one.

and it should be no surprise to anyone, when he was an active poster, what threads he used to post in

# ? Jun 12, 2023 04:55

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

Violen posted:

https://i.imgur.com/Wk4c9N5.mp4

yes lmao

# ? Jun 12, 2023 04:56

Radia: Jul 14, 2021; And someday, together.. We'll shine.

Fajita Queen posted:

American cheese is designed specifically to be melted on burgers etc. so that's a perfect use for it.

yeah it's too bad it tastes like GARBAGE

# ? Jun 12, 2023 04:57

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

cheese fart goon

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3512850&userid=191918&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

quote:

My problem with flatulence is chronic but I have sometimes have really bad episodes and it is really bad when I am at work. I have to constantly keep myself from passing gas because it is embarrassing and very unpleasant for other people working around me.

But us seem my problem has been getting worse lately, it started last week, and I am still trying to cope with it. I usually try to get rid of the gas before starting work. I go to the restroom when everyone else is at their work stations, turn on the electric hand dryer and pass gas. That way the sound is not noticeable.

Last week during work, my boss was inspecting our work and he was walking past my line, then a loud growl startled him, (There is a gas build-up that collects in my stomach, because I try to hold it in) and he stopped and acknowledged it.

I was really embarrassed. I didn't know what to do. He then asked if anyone would admit to the awful sound and I truthfully told him it was me. It was impossible to lie at that point, because of how loud the sound was. I knew that all my other co-workers around me heard it and would single me out, making it an even worse situation than it already was.

I was so embarrassed and nervous at this point that I let my stomach go and all the gas that was building up came out very quickly and loudly. My boss was about to say something to me but turned and dashed towards his office and I could hear him retching.

The smell was vile and it caused my co-workers to down tools and abandon their lines for several minutes while the stench cleared. Later that day my union rep informed me that I could be canned if this keeps happening, apparently according to him I am causing loss of production and an unpleasant working environment for my co-workers.

I have been taking medication mainly dicyclomine but it does not seem to work that well, in fact, it may have made the problem even worse. I need a remedy to this problem because this is affecting work, social life and behavior and also making me feel slightly suicidal. I have no girlfriend, not very many friends even and very little social life.

At work I am already labeled with the awful words "Chronic Farter" and no one want's to work near me.

later

quote:

***UPDATE***

I only lasted a dismal four days into the 7 day dairy free diet. I could not stomach all the dairy substitutes and the taste was just god awful. After two days my flatulence was less frequent but just as potent so I decided enough was enough and I took this week off work pretending to be sick. I visited the doctors and eventually I had a HBT on Wednesday, the lactose set off my flatulence, I was in agony with stomach pains and I drat nearly killed everybody with in ten feet.

Yep! I am loving lactose intolerant!

Now I have been diagnosed, this may not be the right thing to do but I am going back to my old diet. I am going to eat what I like, when I like and if anybody complains at my job or anywhere about my flatulence I have a medical condition to back me up. I feel quite good that I have been diagnosed and hopefully I can just get over my anxiety and get on with my life.

For lunch today, broccoli in my favorite cheese sauce.

# ? Jun 12, 2023 04:58

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Violen posted:

https://i.imgur.com/Wk4c9N5.mp4

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:00

qnqnx: Nov 14, 2010

pentyne posted:

cheese fart goon

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3512850&userid=191918&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

later

Gonna admit it right here that I absolutely understand this dedication to cheese, and thank gently caress that I am not lactose intolerant myself. Cheese is good, and good cheese is even better.

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:00

aw frig aw dang it: Jun 1, 2018

pentyne posted:

cheese fart goon

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3512850&userid=191918&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

later

a true ride-or-die cheese-head. respect

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:01

Frank Frank: Jun 13, 2001; Mirrored

Was there a guy an all-bacon diet or am I crazy? Some super keto thing?

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:04

16-bit Butt-Head: Dec 25, 2014

Frank Frank posted:

Was there a guy an all-bacon diet or am I crazy? Some super keto thing?

one goon dreamed of bread because his body was starving and was begging him to eat a carb

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:05

Tenkaris: Feb 10, 2006; I would really prefer if you would be quiet.

Frank Frank posted:

Was there a guy an all-bacon diet or am I crazy? Some super keto thing?

Yeah the atkins diet thread where the dude ate bacon eggs and cheese made in bacon grease then was put on statins at 21 years old

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:13

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

The low carb threads were always a wild ride

This was a goon making struggle meals of bacon and peanut butter

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3407406&userid=146138#post396550078

quote:

I just wanted to get some feedback from you guys on my breakfast. For the past week or two my breakfast has consisted of three slices of bacon, and then eggs and cheese scrambled in the same pan that the bacon was in with all the grease. Should I be emptying the grease out before I make it, or is it alright to leave in there? It makes my eggs taste so much better.

quote:

My breakfast for the past month has been four-six scrambled eggs (normally made the Ramsey way) and four-six pieces of bacon. This morning though, I was in a bit of a hurry so I decided to just scramble my eggs in the left over bacon grease like I used to love to do. Holy poo poo, it just doesn't compare anymore.

quote:

Thanks for all the advice! Today was my first day eating more, and since I worked out in the morning I ate 5 eggs mixed with 1 tbsp of butter and 2 tbsp of cream cheese, 4 pieces of bacon, and 2 oz of peanuts for breakfast. Then for lunch I ate a pound of steak along with a huge bowl of spinich, and I think I'll have some bacon wrapped meatloaf for dinner. I freaking love low carb dieting. It's so delicious.

quote:

I've been running a bit low on money recently, but want to keep up my low carb ways. How terrible would it be for me to eat nothing but peanut butter, eggs, bacon, and hot dogs for the next two or three weeks?

edit: Oh yeah, and a multivitamin

quote:

Holy poo poo. I just got my results back from the doctor. Keep in mind I'm a 21 year old male that's 6'0 and 165 lbs.

Total Cholesterol: 380
HDL: 69
Triglycerides: 91
LDL: 293
CHOL/HDLC ratio: 5.5

He wants to start me on 40mg crestor. How hosed am I goons?

this person was losing their mind over the idea low carb could possibly be unhealthy
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3407406&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=289#post396554724

quote:

Really? Are you loving serious?

The doctors are the ones who recommended us into an epidemic of obesity, diabetes, and heart attacks in the first loving place because they are a bunch of mechanic fuckheads who go to school to earn good money and sound impressive at loving dinner parties! They're just as prone to incompetence and bullshit as the loving ex cons who work at jiffy lube!

Do what he says so you don't die?! Are you serious? These stupid fucks kill more people than the industries that make our food supply so lovely.

Terrifying some 21 year old kid for the wrong reasons is completely hosed. Adjust your diet, fine. Get a second opinion at bear minimum. Do what your doctor says so you don't die? What kind of loving manipulative terror tactic bullshit is that? How about make a decision based on some real loving information with someone who doesn't want to send you out the revolving door as fast as possible so he can bill the insurance and be done with it?

You know what statins *DON'T DO A GODDAMNED loving THING FOR?!* Hypothyroid! That LDL number is far more loving likely to be related to a thyroid condition--potentially a serious one than loving heart disease in a 21 year old kid who isn't obese and doesn't eat poo poo for a diet--no matter what the loving monkeys from FYAD think.

Shop around for doctors! Always loving shop for doctors. Doctors are stupid assholes. And they get by because people are cowed by their mystical bullshit quality of being able to maintain a 3.0 GPA at some Guatemalan medical college for 3 semesters. Find one that makes sense.

Change your diet, take the statin if you think it makes sense, but for the love of gently caress, shop around for doctors.

Jesus goddamned christ. That could not be a worse piece of advice. loving Glenn beck school of medical knowledge

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:14

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

my nuclear farts are making me consider lowtaxing myself

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:15

Tenkaris: Feb 10, 2006; I would really prefer if you would be quiet.

I will never not laugh at "I just got back from the doctor, how hosed am I goons?

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:16

16-bit Butt-Head: Dec 25, 2014

thinking about phil pouring hot grease down the toilet after talking about how you should never pour it down your sink now

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:17

Leal: Oct 2, 2009

16-bit Butt-Head posted:

thinking about phil pouring hot grease down the toilet after talking about how you should never pour it down your sink now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSEODuhmgdU

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:19

16-bit Butt-Head: Dec 25, 2014

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTktL2P0OMA

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:22

Frank Frank: Jun 13, 2001; Mirrored

Tenkaris posted:

I will never not laugh at "I just got back from the doctor, how hosed am I goons? "

Asking goons to confirm or deny your medical diagnosis you got from an actual doctor is always a good idea

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:25

Kazinsal: Dec 13, 2011

Autisanal Cheese posted:

and it should be no surprise to anyone, when he was an active poster, what threads he used to post in

lmao every time

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:33

Leal: Oct 2, 2009

16-bit Butt-Head posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTktL2P0OMA

lmao I forgot how often he would invoke how he was a gamer and would say things like how cooking requires the dexterity a gamer would have to use a controller.

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:39

Leal: Oct 2, 2009

Phil FTW

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:40

Joey McChrist: Aug 8, 2005

Leal posted:

Phil FTW

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:50

TheMightyBoops: Nov 1, 2016

Leal posted:

lmao I forgot how often he would invoke how he was a gamer and would say things like how cooking requires the dexterity a gamer would have to use a controller.

He�s right.

# ? Jun 12, 2023 05:58

symbolic: Nov 2, 2014

Leal posted:

lmao I forgot how often he would invoke how he was a gamer and would say things like how cooking requires the dexterity a gamer would have to use a controller.

# ? Jun 12, 2023 06:14

Ibram Gaunt: Jul 22, 2009

qnqnx posted:

Sounds like that poster was a normal one.

weird to only get 18 hours for being a confirmed kiwifarms guy lol

# ? Jun 12, 2023 06:31

Fajita Queen: Jun 21, 2012

pentyne posted:

cheese fart goon

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3512850&userid=191918&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

later

cheese is a sometimes food.

# ? Jun 12, 2023 06:33

qnqnx: Nov 14, 2010

Ibram Gaunt posted:

weird to only get 18 hours for being a confirmed kiwifarms guy lol

It's utterly bullshit and I do not recall if that got fought when it happened but doesn't matter, they are gone and that's good :amen:

Fajita Queen posted:

cheese is a sometimes food.

Those are fighting words.

# ? Jun 12, 2023 06:36

NoiseAnnoys: May 17, 2010

Boba Pearl posted:

I really just love dogs, and cats I've been bitten by both before, and I still am like "Oh my god, cute puppy is a wittle mad." The dog stuff is upsetting, so teasing about it helps a bit. I do be loving dogs so much though.

dogs are pretty great. cats are great too, but often for totally different reasons. it's two great friend flavors, people should just pick the one they like more.

anyhow, love your dumb fur friends like they love you.

# ? Jun 12, 2023 07:58

Endorph: Jul 22, 2009

qnqnx posted:

It's utterly bullshit and I do not recall if that got fought when it happened but doesn't matter, they are gone and that's good .

it actually matters a lot because them only getting a 18 hour probe for being a kiwifarms guy is the reason they were around to try and ruin that guy's life op

# ? Jun 12, 2023 09:07