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I think you missed important words in the title and story
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Jun 18, 2023 14:51
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This is why we fought for protected sick leave in my state where the employer can’t ask for proof of why you’re taking off unless you’ve been gone for 3 consecutive days. That poo poo is so abusive, sometimes you just need a mental health day.
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Jun 18, 2023 14:52
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Cowslips Warren posted:AITA for letting my team member leave shift because his friend died? father's day sales come first
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Jun 18, 2023 15:20
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quote:AITA for telling my sister she's the worst thing to ever happen to me and I hate her even if she's changed/gotten help? quote:AITA for making my son watch his “grandfathers” tantrum?
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Jun 18, 2023 15:37
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tater_salad posted:YTA big-time. Spoilers on how friend became unalive did you even read the thing?
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Jun 18, 2023 15:52
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therobit posted:LOL yes you should have either bought a bigger house or not taken on additional children if it meant kicking you spouse’s daughter out of the house. God, what an awful person. Just buy a bigger house, nbd If the options are stepdaughter moves in with her mom and orphaned kids have a home, or stepdaughter stays and orphaned kids get broken up and some go to foster care, the former, however lovely, seems like the best option. Sometimes there are no good choices and you have to pick the least bad one.
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Jun 18, 2023 16:01
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tater_salad posted:YTA big-time. Spoilers on how friend became unalive if recent reposts can be branded Tuesday, can rambling screeds on posts someone didn't read be branded as The Man Who Was Thursday not really a fan of Chesterton but it feels like it fits for some reason, ya know?
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Jun 18, 2023 16:08
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DeadlyMuffin posted:Just buy a bigger house, nbd The daughter might have preferred to sleep on a couch than go back to her mom's house, it certainly doesn't seem like anyone asked what she wanted at any point.
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Jun 18, 2023 16:14
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AreWeDrunkYet posted:The daughter might have preferred to sleep on a couch than go back to her mom's house, it certainly doesn't seem like anyone asked what she wanted at any point. Maybe. If that were an option I think it would've been mentioned, and if they're having to pinch pennies to feed the other kids it may not have been a financial possibility regardless. It sounds like she wanted to stay in her room, which would've meant splitting up the orphaned kids and putting them in the system.
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Jun 18, 2023 16:18
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At the very least I think we can be sure that this situation isn't what the sister who died wanted to have happen, and it's poo poo that the life insurance didn't prevent this from happening because our social net is hosed up in a multitude of ways. e: I suppose she could've hated the little poo poo from the get-go and it was a long con, but that seems highly unlikely dervival fucked around with this message at 16:55 on Jun 18, 2023 |
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Jun 18, 2023 16:48
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It's a bad situation. The thing the stepmom could do is apologize, empathize and instead, attempt to reconnect meaningfully after serious reflection. Like I said, oh, a page so, it's a trolley problem and it hurts everyone. The step daughter got a poo poo deal, the four kids got a poo poo deal, the step mom and dad got a poo poo deal, maybe the step daughter's biomom got a poo poo deal too. Nobody wins when a parent dies. Nobody. Empathy is key, and we don't have the full story. People making up poo poo whole cloth is not going to fix this for anyone. Eta: I literally see versions of this about 40 times a week, my mental health isn't great because of it, I love number.
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Jun 18, 2023 16:57
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I’m curious how the budgeting worked out, since the kids should have been getting social security payments as child survivors of a deceased parent. I’m not saying that’s enough to mean they could have moved into a bigger house but it makes me wonder about them saying they had to skip meals. Anyway I think there’s just not enough information in the story.
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Jun 18, 2023 17:03
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Farmer Crack-rear end posted:I’m curious how the budgeting worked out, since the kids should have been getting social security payments as child survivors of a deceased parent. I’m not saying that’s enough to mean they could have moved into a bigger house but it makes me wonder about them saying they had to skip meals. Social services not being enough to keep a family afloat is like the most believable part of that entire thing?
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Jun 18, 2023 17:42
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Farmer Crack-rear end posted:I’m curious how the budgeting worked out, since the kids should have been getting social security payments as child survivors of a deceased parent. I’m not saying that’s enough to mean they could have moved into a bigger house but it makes me wonder about them saying they had to skip meals. There's 0 chance that the adults handling the money weren't skimming or taking extra 'for their troubles' like it comes up everytime a child beneficiary is told about harsh financial circumstances.
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Jun 18, 2023 17:57
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AITA for not throwing my SIL a puppy shower?quote:I (28F) have a sister Nina (36F) and a SIL Olivia (31F). I'd like to throw a gender reveal party and get my ball python probed but I can't imagine the decor. Male snakes have two penises, so I'd need a lot of dick balloons, or egg balloons if a girl. Now a gender reveal with blue tongue skinks would be more impressive because they are super hard to sex. AITA for shouting at someone because they touched my fins? quote:I’m currently training to learn freediving, and part of this is going to a pool to practice apnea (breath holding) and general technique. Don't practice freediving or any kind of diving in a public pool, you water weeb. Cowslips Warren fucked around with this message at 18:28 on Jun 18, 2023 |
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Jun 18, 2023 18:23
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AreWeDrunkYet posted:The daughter might have preferred to sleep on a couch than go back to her mom's house, it certainly doesn't seem like anyone asked what she wanted at any point.
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Jun 18, 2023 18:31
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Edit: nevermind
Woozie66 fucked around with this message at 19:23 on Jun 18, 2023 |
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Jun 18, 2023 19:19
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pentyne posted:There's 0 chance that the adults handling the money weren't skimming or taking extra 'for their troubles' like it comes up everytime a child beneficiary is told about harsh financial circumstances.
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Jun 18, 2023 19:34
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pentyne posted:There's 0 chance that the adults handling the money weren't skimming or taking extra 'for their troubles' like it comes up everytime a child beneficiary is told about harsh financial circumstances. What about the story makes you think that this was the case here?
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Jun 18, 2023 19:41
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Cowslips Warren posted:AITA for shouting at someone because they touched my fins? I've seen someone at my local community pool practice with fins a couple times, but it's always been at extremely off-hours when there's like, 4 people there.
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Jun 18, 2023 19:58
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I figure she mentioned the life insurance because the stepdaughter could reasonably have known it was there, without fully understanding the rules about how it could be accessed. So her line of thinking in bringing it up is "you think I should have stolen from my nieces and nephew?!" It does sound like a lovely no-win situation all round. OP has a fair perspective in that it's her sister who died, and it sounds like she struggled financially for a long time as a result. That said, it never is the adults in these situations who end up losing their personal space and having to bounce between houses. There was an interesting post earlier in this thread about some sort of experiment around this: the kids were put in one house with one consistent set of rooms, and the family had a flat for whichever parent was non-custodial that week. Just from my vague recollections of that, the adults hated it. For my mind, the missing piece of the puzzle here is stepdaughter's biomom, and how she handled the situation. Was she sympathetic to OP's situation and welcoming of her daughter, or was she dealing with her own blended family and finances, leaving OP's stepdaughter feeling unwelcome anywhere? Had dad/OP's partner previously been primary custodian, and what was the story there? Out of the OP's hands of course, but will have dramatically affected the impact on stepdaughter.
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Jun 18, 2023 20:18
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GordonTheDeadFish posted:For my mind, the missing piece of the puzzle here is stepdaughter's biomom, and how she handled the situation. Was she sympathetic to OP's situation and welcoming of her daughter, or was she dealing with her own blended family and finances, leaving OP's stepdaughter feeling unwelcome anywhere? Had dad/OP's partner previously been primary custodian, and what was the story there? Out of the OP's hands of course, but will have dramatically affected the impact on stepdaughter. Also, with the stepdaughter suddenly going to biomom's full time, did her father have to pay additional child support, making the OP's family finances harder as well?
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Jun 18, 2023 20:41
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therobit posted:There was life insurance money she could have used. They may also have had grandparents. It’s not OK to kick your spouse’s kid out of the house in favor of your nieces and nephews and then expect them to be cool about it. Surprised that nobody has picked up on this delightful thought. “Why are these stupid poors so poor! Why don’t they just get better jobs?” It’s incredibly patronising.
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Jun 18, 2023 20:46
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therattle posted:Surprised that nobody has picked up on this delightful thought. “Why are these stupid poors so poor! Why don’t they just get better jobs?” there's also the ongoing "she chose to bring kids into the house" which is typically said about, you know, planned adoptions and pregnancies rather than your sister dying and the only two options being to take her kids in right away or let them be absorbed by the foster care system
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Jun 18, 2023 20:53
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therattle posted:Surprised that nobody has picked up on this delightful thought. “Why are these stupid poors so poor! Why don’t they just get better jobs?” Oh trust me, they have. I’ve seen the reports.
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Jun 18, 2023 20:57
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cock hero flux posted:She now has 4 entire extra kids to raise. What free time is she supposed to be using to work that second job? Reading it from a logical and neutral perspective, I kind of think she had her sister killed just to spite the stepdaughter
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Jun 18, 2023 21:44
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therattle posted:Surprised that nobody has picked up on this delightful thought. “Why are these stupid poors so poor! Why don’t they just get better jobs?” TBF, it's not nearly as bad as "they couldn't afford a new house because they're skimming that sweet, sweet few hundo a month of SS death benefits" BTW, SS benefits are capped at 150% of the decedent's maximum benefit, or 75% per beneficiary, whichever is lower, so OP is getting paid the same amount from the g'vmnt as she would for 2 kids. I don't know what that dollar amount is, but I'm pretty sure it's in the hundreds, not thousands, and it's certainly not enough to raise 4 fuckin' kids, much less skim off the top too. E: and yeah, they definitely had to pick up child support when the relinquished custody of the stepdaughter. Elviscat fucked around with this message at 21:52 on Jun 18, 2023 |
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Jun 18, 2023 21:49
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greazeball posted:Reading it from a logical and neutral perspective, I kind of think she had her sister killed just to spite the stepdaughter That’s weird that you got that from it, it feels more like the sister faked her death to spite the stepdaughter
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Jun 18, 2023 22:23
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I think OP never had a sister and never moved any other kids into the house at all, she just made all of that up to justify abusing her stepdaughter for being a different race than her 
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Jun 18, 2023 22:36
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InediblePenguin posted:I think OP never had a sister and never moved any other kids into the house at all, she just made all of that up to justify abusing her stepdaughter for being a different race than her I don't think there's a stepdaughter at all, or a husband.
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Jun 18, 2023 22:37
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SS is also based on your work history and earnings. They average your highest earning 35 years when calculating the benefits, but if you don't have 35 years they fill in zeros. What I'm saying is that a relatively young parent likely has jack loving poo poo for a SS benefit to leave their kids.
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Jun 18, 2023 22:42
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Big Bowie Bonanza posted:That’s weird that you got that from it, it feels more like the sister faked her death to spite the stepdaughter The sister killed (who we think is) OP, then replaced her while making it look like the sister was the one who actually died. She did this to spite the stepdaughter, probably because their family has a weird tradition and the stepdaughter refused to participate
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Jun 18, 2023 22:53
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pentyne posted:There's 0 chance that the adults handling the money weren't skimming or taking extra 'for their troubles' like it comes up everytime a child beneficiary is told about harsh financial circumstances. a payee skimming off an ssi recipient of any kind is usually caught and prosecuted heavily esp for kids. they make you justify your expenditures every month when youre the payee of someone under 18. yearly if over 18. my mom had to justify my sisters ssi-d perfectly and t hey still were up her rear end over every little thing. you have to basically figure out the kids rent use of amenities food depending on state and budget their check as going to pay a portion of everything they do. this isnt the bad ole days of the 80s / 90s when your rear end in a top hat brother took your moms ssi check and fed her dog food and kept her in the cucuy room.
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Jun 18, 2023 22:54
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Elviscat posted:TBF, it's not nearly as bad as "they couldn't afford a new house because they're skimming that sweet, sweet few hundo a month of SS death benefits" If nothing else, r/aita occasionally points out that some conflicts can be avoided with planning. Don't have kids myself, but it sure seems like a lot of indigent orphan stories could be prevented with better planning from the parents. More than just a "so, would you take in Pnurtis if somethere happened?", but estimate increased living expenses, food, medical, tuition, etc and make sure the beneficiery to a life insurance policy in that amount is whoever agrees to raise the kids. And probably revisit this on a regular basis or as circumstances change. A trust can provide additional controls and make monthly payments in case it's not close family you trust not to run off with the money.
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Jun 18, 2023 22:56
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AreWeDrunkYet posted:If nothing else, r/aita occasionally effectively points out that some conflicts can be avoided with planning. Don't have kids myself, but it sure seems like a lot of indigent orphan stories could be prevented with better planning from the parents. More than just a "so, would you take in Pnurtis if somethere happened?", but estimate increased living expenses, food, medical, tuition, etc and make sure the beneficiery to a life insurance policy in that amount is whoever agrees to raise the kids. And probably revisit this on a regular basis or as circumstances change. A trust can provide additional controls and make monthly payments in case it's not close family you trust not to run off with the money. While all of this would certainly be ideal, odds are that the people who have the means to do it do it and everyone else gets hosed because they're barely getting by as is
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Jun 18, 2023 22:59
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AreWeDrunkYet posted:If nothing else, r/aita occasionally points out that some conflicts can be avoided with planning. Don't have kids myself, but it sure seems like a lot of indigent orphan stories could be prevented with better planning from the parents. More than just a "so, would you take in Pnurtis if somethere happened?", but estimate increased living expenses, food, medical, tuition, etc and make sure the beneficiery to a life insurance policy in that amount is whoever agrees to raise the kids. And probably revisit this on a regular basis or as circumstances change. A trust can provide additional controls and make monthly payments in case it's not close family you trust not to run off with the money. Sure, now all OP has to do is hop in her time machine and have her sister make better plans! I get it, I actually planned out my insurance and benefits so that my (cohabitating) GF is taken care of, and keeps my house and all my assets, my funeral and all that poo poo is covered by one insurance plan, and my other life insurance is set to be dropped into a trust to provide for my Nephews' education. I have the luxury of being able to plan all this out 'cause I have a decent income, and 0 kids to worry about. It sounds like dead sister was scrapping by, and didn't have much to leave her kids, but she died unexpectedly so she's kinda immune from being the rear end in a top hat in the story.
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Jun 18, 2023 23:12
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I'm glad someone addressed the SSI issue before I got there. I also deal with that every day at work. If you still wanna foam at the mouth at op, look up what "fiduciary duty" means, and FinCEN, and exactly how hard the feds, state and local people do look at any form of state and federal support payments. I deal with that all day long too, I'm a compliance officer at a large multinational that deals directly on the securities side as well as gen compliance on policy and enforcement. Sucks poo poo all day. The "horror stories" are rare but the heartbreakers are every single case I review. Anyway I hope we can move the hell on from this derail. Content: Dear Penny, posted:My husband and I did a really stupid thing: We co-signed for our 20-year-old daughter’s truck.
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Jun 18, 2023 23:29
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Sounds like they co-signed for an adult that is making the payments and hasn’t defaulted? Feels like they probably just want to punish her for disobeying
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Jun 18, 2023 23:39
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Big Bowie Bonanza posted:Sounds like they co-signed for an adult that is making the payments and hasn’t defaulted? Feels like they probably just want to punish her for disobeying Lmao, daughter could not WAIT to get the gently caress out of there.
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Jun 18, 2023 23:45
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Big Bowie Bonanza posted:Sounds like they co-signed for an adult that is making the payments and hasn’t defaulted? Feels like they probably just want to punish her for disobeying Yup. I was worried it was going to be horrible advice when reading quote:There’s a straightforward answer to the question, the advice columnist writes. But there may be a broader discussion needed but the advice is basically "you can't get the truck back without her permission and you don't even have her phone number. This isn't about the truck."
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Jun 18, 2023 23:45
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