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(Thread IKs: Josherino)
 
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Pajser
Jan 28, 2006
I've been doing long walks with some running every day for three weeks now. I do atleast two hours maybe three. I have managed to eat more than usual.

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Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

yeah thats pretty good


Pajser posted:

I've been doing long walks with some running every day for three weeks now. I do atleast two hours maybe three. I have managed to eat more than usual.

OK definitely do not work out every single day. Especially not if you went from nearly nothing to working out a ton. TBH the pain is less my concern than that you might be hurting your bones - skeleton needs to toughen up too, and your nerves are a lot less well connected to those so its harder to tell. Even then, after 3 weeks of working out you shouldn't be having that kind of pain - Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness can hurt a lot but its usually like, your body isn't used to working out and you just started up.

Are you in the running thread? https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3522054 It's a really good thread oddly full of australians, they'll give you great advice about what a reasonable workout schedule. To give my experience, I did the C25k program (couch-to-five-k) and i really wanted to work out more but smarter people than me have done the math on reasonable recovery times for somebody starting out and I'm glad I listened.

Ice Phisherman
Apr 12, 2007

Swimming upstream
into the sunset



Also the surface you're walking/running on matters. If you're walking/running on concrete, that hurts more than on something with some give like dirt or grass.

Maybe check your shoes as well. Make sure that they're the right kind of shoe for running in the first place. Also make sure that the insole isn't worn down.

Most importantly, take days off. I normally take every other day off. And if you're crying when going up stairs, take at least a couple days off, plural, until you don't hurt.

When I went on a seventeen mile hike with my dad, I wore a forty pound pack, was desperately out of shape and extremely overweight. I was bedridden for two weeks with constant pain. Luckily I recovered fully, but don't injure yourself. Listen to your body and give it plenty of rest.

Pajser
Jan 28, 2006
I've been walking a local woodland trail, it forces you to lift your knees otherwise you'll trip and break you nose. Lots of inclines and down slopes and very nice views. It's kind of addictive honestly.

I don't consider it a work out, I mean I make it a point to break a sweat, but it's really tame as far as exertion goes.

I just wear regular sneakers, with dual socks to avoid calluses.

Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

yeah thats pretty good


i mean cool but you have some very strong evidence that you're still pushing yourself too hard. Worth noting that your cardio health is not the only thing being exerted and is often not the bottleneck - cardio health can improve very quickly, muscles and skeleton can lag your cardio significantly which is what I think is happening here.

Take several days off your feet. If you have a job that makes that not really possible, just do so to the greatest extent you can get away with and allow longer. You need to pace yourself and listen to your body. 21+ days of continuous hiking is way too drat much.

Pajser
Jan 28, 2006
But it's finally sunny out. :(

UKJeff
May 17, 2023

by vyelkin
Just push through it. A little soreness isn’t gonna kill ya. If you don’t think you’re overexerting yourself, you most likely aren’t

Adenoid Dan
Mar 8, 2012

The Hobo Serenader
Lipstick Apathy
No no no do not just push through it, that is how overuse injuries happen. Your body needs time to recover.

If walking on level surfaces isn't causing problems and you don't want to stop, try taking some days where you limit yourself to that. But you do need to rest when your body is telling you to.

StashAugustine
Mar 24, 2013

Do not trust in hope- it will betray you! Only faith and hatred sustain.

Pajser posted:

But it's finally sunny out. :(

Read a book outside or something, it's pretty nice and low stress

Ice Phisherman
Apr 12, 2007

Swimming upstream
into the sunset



UKJeff posted:

Just push through it. A little soreness isn’t gonna kill ya. If you don’t think you’re overexerting yourself, you most likely aren’t

This is terrible advice btw.

Making a habit of ignoring your body when it's telling you that you're in pain is how you develop injuries that are long lasting or even permanent.

a strange fowl
Oct 27, 2022

i love my therapist :qq: thank you to all the therapists out there, hell if i know how or why you do it but it helps

LifeLynx
Feb 27, 2001

Dang so this is like looking over his shoulder in real-time
Grimey Drawer
I hate therapy. I had one amazing therapist after failed attempts over the years, but she left to go do non-profit work, which I can't blame her for at all; it's what I want to do also. I've had a few non-starters since then - a therapist who would just stare blankly and say "Yeah, some people feel that way" to everything; another who was a born-again Christian who said she kept her beliefs separate but kept subtly suggesting prayer and whose desk and office were littered with Jesus memorabilia; a therapist who straight-up forgot what I said the sessions before to the point where I swear she was confusing me with another patient (I transferred from her to the new one and apparently she told the new one that one of my core issues was "relationship troubles" which I don't have and never talked about, my relationship is the best thing in my life and keeps me going); and others. My new one is okay I guess but I'm so burnt out that my therapy sessions are easily the worst part of my week and completely ruin the days they happen on. I'm so busy dreading them beforehand and so exhausted afterwards that the entire day is a waste. I need a therapist who specializes in helping me get through other therapy sessions.

AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012

I don't know what to do with my life.

Every so often I manage to distract myself with an interesting problem at work but most of the time I get bored, start to think, and then spiral again. I do almost nothing all day and just keep getting more and more tired. I wonder if people start to pick up on my neurodiversity and wonder if it's just a matter of time if I will be tossed into poverty and/or horribly murdered.

What's funny is that everywhere on the internet suggest I get MORE responsibility. "Get a pet!" "Start volunteering!" "Set a long term goal like buying a house!" "Start dating!Tying myself down terrifies me. It means I am chained to something or someone which I have an obligation to protect but don't have the strength to. I guess in the end I am just an overgrown child. I only care about passing the test and being told "good boy!". Doesn't matter if I produce anything useful, I don't have pride on all the work, just the result. I hate the process, love the result. Shame the secret to happiness is doing the complete opposite.

StashAugustine
Mar 24, 2013

Do not trust in hope- it will betray you! Only faith and hatred sustain.

man I just had one of those therapy sessions that was really good and helpful but leaves me super agitated for the rest of the night

skooma512
Feb 8, 2012

You couldn't grok my race car, but you dug the roadside blur.
My parents are against me moving with my soon to be wife out of state because they don't want to have to leave their house for me to serve them as they age.

So now I'm pretty much getting married against their wishes and fully anticipate having to tear up whatever I have going on over there to come back here in order to wait on two transphobic racist boomers getting their brains scrambled by Fox News. No one is going to help me. The entire rest of my family that shows up at all, are dependent themselves. My wife won't leave her job over there to help me. It's all on me.

And like, the fact that I have to walk away from my job a year before I vest in the pension and the union I'm with to go follow her just so I can maybe claw my way into a job over there if I'm lucky just to rip it up again in a couple years isn't great either. If I talk about this too much I'm being negative and not being supportive, but you're the one with the job lined up! I won't have one and my career is stagnant and you know this!

It just feels like I don't really have family or a support system in my life. I'm just everyone's indentured servant and all my connections are just a series of stealth contracts. The way my dad just says "you owe me" makes it feel so bloodless and transactional. And then the motherfucker says I should also have a kid so they have something to do during the day and that the fact we can't afford it isn't an excuse. Like I'm just a series of milestones that I once again fail to meet.

The easiest way to resolve this would be for my parents to rent out their precious 3/2 for retirement income and move in with us. We're not having kids, we fully anticipate elder care to take up 110% of our time, but No! It gets cold there sometimes! It's change! You have to wait 10-20 years (I'm 33) potentially until you can be permitted to be independent! How about I just toss myself in the loving grave with you then, since that's all I'm good for?

Fake edit: The supreme irony of the man who's been threatening to leave or threatening to kick me out for a messy room since I was like 6 demanding I stay in a place I don't particularly like and can barely afford.

Ytlaya
Nov 13, 2005


While most of this is about your parents, I noticed the bit where you seem pretty resentful towards your fiance(?) over the move. Have you explicitly told her how you feel about all this? You mention her chiding you for being negative, which is kind of a messed up thing for her to do.

skooma512
Feb 8, 2012

You couldn't grok my race car, but you dug the roadside blur.

Ytlaya posted:

While most of this is about your parents, I noticed the bit where you seem pretty resentful towards your fiance(?) over the move. Have you explicitly told her how you feel about all this? You mention her chiding you for being negative, which is kind of a messed up thing for her to do.

I'm not so much resentful towards her as my parents making me have to choose. The only thing is that she is much more set up for this then I am and isn't going to be sacrificing nearly as much, she's taking her job and her mom with her. I have to find a job in this worse than usual market while walking away from a good one and with the knowledge I'll still have to come back on a plane to deal with my stubborn parents away from my wife. It's also not much of a benefit for us if she makes 20k more and I make nothing, and then make 30k less.

We do discuss this and my feelings are more or less known. She doesn't have an answer, because there really isn't one, unless my parents relent and I can make a comparable amount to what I have now.

The resentment such as it is is based in the fact that I'm just kinda on my own in having to satisfy all these people, and that I don't really get to make any decisions. I have to live where she goes because she's my wife and how that even works is on me to figure, I have to fly back to take care of my parents by myself and that sacrifice won't go the other way, because it wouldn't make sense anyway, but I still will have to do it on my own. If it's so long term that we have to live separately I have to get a job here and then send money back to a home I can't live in to pay for debts I didn't incur while I'm paying basically a life debt to my stubborn parents. It's going to suck and I already have a hard time with people and I can easily see a future where all the people in my life are just resenting me for not giving them every last thing I owe them for existing.

skooma512 has issued a correction as of 20:40 on Jun 20, 2023

Brain Candy
May 18, 2006

skooma512 posted:

I'm not so much resentful towards her as my parents making me have to choose. The only thing is that she is much more set up for this then I am and isn't going to be sacrificing nearly as much, she's taking her job and her mom with her. I have to find a job in this worse than usual market while walking away from a good one and with the knowledge I'll still have to come back on a plane to deal with my stubborn parents away from my wife. It's also not much of a benefit for us if she makes 20k more and I make nothing, and then make 30k less.

We do discuss this and my feelings are more or less known. She doesn't have an answer, because there really isn't one, unless my parents relent and I can make a comparable amount to what I have now.

The resentment such as it is is based in the fact that I'm just kinda on my own in having to satisfy all these people, and that I don't really get to make any decisions. I have to live where she goes because she's my wife and how that even works is on me to figure, I have to fly back to take care of my parents by myself and that sacrifice won't go the other way, because it wouldn't make sense anyway, but I still will have to do it on my own. If it's so long term that we have to live separately I have to get a job here and then send money back to a home I can't live in to pay for debts I didn't incur while I'm paying basically a life debt to my stubborn parents. It's going to suck and I already have a hard time with people and I can easily see a future where all the people in my life are just resenting me for not giving them every last thing I owe them for existing.

I think what you're correctly sensing is that people won't appreciate what you're giving up. 'cause they won't, it's not them. It's a hard lesson, but it's why, if you don't want to boil over, boundaries have to be something you choose.

You wrote:

skooma512 posted:

I have to live where she goes because she's my wife and how that even works is on me to figure, I have to fly back to take care of my parents by myself and that sacrifice won't go the other way, because it wouldn't make sense anyway, but I still will have to do it on my own.

these are not true. You don't have to do either of those things. You might decide to, you might choose to begrudgingly on balance, but presenting it as 'have to' is in bad faith to yourself and it's why you resent people not appreciating how you feel trapped.

Ice Phisherman
Apr 12, 2007

Swimming upstream
into the sunset



StashAugustine posted:

man I just had one of those therapy sessions that was really good and helpful but leaves me super agitated for the rest of the night

I feel you. I am right there with you on that.

Sometimes I get these massive stress headaches after therapy. Sometimes I even have them before therapy in anticipation. Generally I do some self-care or take some anti-anxiety meds beforehand. Basically I'm just pre-gaming for the stress headache that will last for at least eight hours afterwards, if not into the next day.

Therapy sucks a lot but good sessions are worth their weight in gold. I don't have panic attacks anymore, my anxiety attacks don't control me and my general anxiety is manageable. My blood pressure is even down to something normal, which was a nice surprise when I learned about that. That came about from having a good therapist and doing a lot of work on my own.

If you've found a good therapist, going to sessions and doing the work is worth it. You can do it. :)

skooma512 posted:

I'm not so much resentful towards her as my parents making me have to choose. The only thing is that she is much more set up for this then I am and isn't going to be sacrificing nearly as much, she's taking her job and her mom with her. I have to find a job in this worse than usual market while walking away from a good one and with the knowledge I'll still have to come back on a plane to deal with my stubborn parents away from my wife. It's also not much of a benefit for us if she makes 20k more and I make nothing, and then make 30k less.

We do discuss this and my feelings are more or less known. She doesn't have an answer, because there really isn't one, unless my parents relent and I can make a comparable amount to what I have now.

The resentment such as it is is based in the fact that I'm just kinda on my own in having to satisfy all these people, and that I don't really get to make any decisions. I have to live where she goes because she's my wife and how that even works is on me to figure, I have to fly back to take care of my parents by myself and that sacrifice won't go the other way, because it wouldn't make sense anyway, but I still will have to do it on my own. If it's so long term that we have to live separately I have to get a job here and then send money back to a home I can't live in to pay for debts I didn't incur while I'm paying basically a life debt to my stubborn parents. It's going to suck and I already have a hard time with people and I can easily see a future where all the people in my life are just resenting me for not giving them every last thing I owe them for existing.

As someone who got hosed up pretty profoundly by caring for my parents, I'll tell you this.

Your parents are adults. They should set up care of themselves. Contractual relationships are garbage, especially when parents assume the position of "I created and raised you, so you owe me everything forever". That's a debt you can never possibly pay back. It's also a debt that's completely imagined. No child has a say over if they're born and can say, "Actually, you two suck as parents and you're not getting any better and you're just going to gently caress this- me up, so I think I'll pass."

Don't throw your time, effort and feelings into an abyss. Especially if that abyss is also mean and needy.

Ice Phisherman has issued a correction as of 22:02 on Jun 20, 2023

MLK Ultra
Mar 9, 2021


/me after working 5p-4a under super frustrating conditions despite it being W@H - realizing that if I don't get a new gig going: I'm going to watch my life pass me by on a couch or an office with no time off:

gently caress it. I'm gonna die like my dad did waiting for The Grand Promise of retirement. Dude gave everything for work, retired, had several ablations, a quad, got prostate cancer, did a year of radiation for that, COVID happened, dropped dead in the shower. So I set up a thing with that resume goon.

Mom's shis is going slow. Still hasn't done full pension or SS stuff. Lost the marriage certificate for the third time. Got confused on the DoH site. Thought you could just print it out and go in because it said "e-something."

Man, I get that dad's language of love was "Hey don't worry about it, I'll do it" - but man does that make for some wtf codependency issues when one of em dies. Like some "I don't know how to use DoorDash no like I just don't understand it... listen never mind I'll just eat crackers."

I've been alright. Work is killing me and I certainly haven't dialed back from a fifth a night. I'd say "It's because my work is stressful right now" but I'm an alcoholic so it'll always be Something until I decide it's Me and I Don't Want To Anymore. Hasn't gotten worse. Not doing weird huge mood swings. Mostly just drinking while messing with AI stuff.

For the time being, my O2 mask is pretty much on. Just trying to be there for mom. Used to call maybe once every two weeks. Call twice a day now. I'm trying. It's slow moving but - that's grief: There's no set deadline and it's more tolerable but... it's gonna leave a mark.

Then again if dad dying made me realize I'm literally draining myself dry for... nothing... and provided the motivation to actually act on that? Well. Movement is movement.

Ytlaya
Nov 13, 2005

MLK Ultra posted:

Man, I get that dad's language of love was "Hey don't worry about it, I'll do it" - but man does that make for some wtf codependency issues when one of em dies. Like some "I don't know how to use DoorDash no like I just don't understand it... listen never mind I'll just eat crackers."

This is something I've worried about as my parents get older (they're in their mid-70s now). It'll be bad if my mom passes before my dad, because my mom is basically the emotionally stable responsible one who does all the finances-related stuff. She keeps dad from going too crazy. The idea of having to handle dad without her there is a nightmare, so I deeply sympathize with what you're going through right now.

Ice Phisherman
Apr 12, 2007

Swimming upstream
into the sunset



Ytlaya posted:

This is something I've worried about as my parents get older (they're in their mid-70s now). It'll be bad if my mom passes before my dad, because my mom is basically the emotionally stable responsible one who does all the finances-related stuff. She keeps dad from going too crazy. The idea of having to handle dad without her there is a nightmare, so I deeply sympathize with what you're going through right now.

This is my nightmare with my mom.

About a month ago my mom complained that my brother doesn't respond to her voicemails and is generally unavailable. I told her that he doesn't listen to his voicemails, he texts and that's the best way to get hold of him for a call.

She then asked me how to text, which is weird but that's my mom, she's weird. Now for anyone else I'd be fine with teaching them how to text so long as it took less than five minutes. Not my mom. I will never, ever do tech support for my mom again. She does a -1000/10 job at learning anything new that has to do with technology. Doing tech support for her is an anxiety inducing nightmare. I don't think I've ever actually succeeded in teaching her anything despite dozens of hours of trying. Even with written instructions or probably even video instructions, it will take her days or weeks to learn anything tech related, no matter how simple. I direct her to look up youtube tutorials because teaching her is Sisyphean nightmare and wash my hands of it.

So about a week ago, she complained yet again about the same exact poo poo. My brother won't respond to her voicemails. Rinse and repeat. But then I texted my dad and asked him how to show my mom and I could almost hear his sigh as he texts back "I'll try again".

My mom has been retired for over twenty years now and spends most of her time watching television. I don't think she's paid a bill in decades because my dad handles all of the finances. I cannot loving imagine her trying to order her finances when even the simple act of texting eludes her.

Ronwayne
Nov 20, 2007

That warm and fuzzy feeling.
I dunno if your brother would be up for one of those apps/things that turns voice mails into texts.

My folks seem generally uninterested in the internet, thank god. Dad just watch police car chase videos and mom is completely computer illiterate, which, thank god. I cannot imagine how much more worse they'd be if exposed to Q, etc.

In 5 more years my mom is going to be telling the assisted living nurse her useless son, Adrenochrome Groomer Soros, never visits.

Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 08:33 on Jun 21, 2023

Ytlaya
Nov 13, 2005

Ice Phisherman posted:

She then asked me how to text, which is weird but that's my mom, she's weird. Now for anyone else I'd be fine with teaching them how to text so long as it took less than five minutes. Not my mom. I will never, ever do tech support for my mom again. She does a -1000/10 job at learning anything new that has to do with technology. Doing tech support for her is an anxiety inducing nightmare. I don't think I've ever actually succeeded in teaching her anything despite dozens of hours of trying. Even with written instructions or probably even video instructions, it will take her days or weeks to learn anything tech related, no matter how simple. I direct her to look up youtube tutorials because teaching her is Sisyphean nightmare and wash my hands of it.

My dad is like this, except maybe worse in some ways since it goes beyond just technology. If I had to explain it, it's like he's just extremely intellectually and emotionally lazy on a fundamental level. He just tells himself that it's impossible to understand this stuff and instantly gets angry and gives up at the slightest problem or resistance. I can't think of a single time in my entire life that I've seen him make a mistake and calmly think through how to address it, and it's only getting worse with old age. The same applies to any sort of criticism - I can't remember a single time where I've ever been able to criticize him without him either getting angry or falling into self-pity. The only way it's remotely possible is if you couch the criticism in a bunch of positive language, which defeats the entire purpose.

My mom isn't even really "better with electronics" - it's just that she's capable of remaining calm and attempting to reason through things.

I guess the upside to this is that I at least have a single stable and reliable parent, which is more than many people have.

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

skooma512 posted:

The resentment such as it is is based in the fact that I'm just kinda on my own in having to satisfy all these people, and that I don't really get to make any decisions. I have to live where she goes because she's my wife and how that even works is on me to figure, I have to fly back to take care of my parents by myself and that sacrifice won't go the other way, because it wouldn't make sense anyway, but I still will have to do it on my own. If it's so long term that we have to live separately I have to get a job here and then send money back to a home I can't live in to pay for debts I didn't incur while I'm paying basically a life debt to my stubborn parents. It's going to suck and I already have a hard time with people and I can easily see a future where all the people in my life are just resenting me for not giving them every last thing I owe them for existing.
Could you just...not ruin your own life because your parents say that you have to?

Ice Phisherman
Apr 12, 2007

Swimming upstream
into the sunset



Ytlaya posted:

My dad is like this, except maybe worse in some ways since it goes beyond just technology. If I had to explain it, it's like he's just extremely intellectually and emotionally lazy on a fundamental level. He just tells himself that it's impossible to understand this stuff and instantly gets angry and gives up at the slightest problem or resistance. I can't think of a single time in my entire life that I've seen him make a mistake and calmly think through how to address it, and it's only getting worse with old age. The same applies to any sort of criticism - I can't remember a single time where I've ever been able to criticize him without him either getting angry or falling into self-pity. The only way it's remotely possible is if you couch the criticism in a bunch of positive language, which defeats the entire purpose.

My mom isn't even really "better with electronics" - it's just that she's capable of remaining calm and attempting to reason through things.

I guess the upside to this is that I at least have a single stable and reliable parent, which is more than many people have.

My mom will just stare at me doing something, ask for me to explain what I'm doing, ask me to slow down, ask me to write something down and then no matter how much I explain, slow down or write things down, she will fail. I've spent probably 100 hours over my lifetime trying to explain the simplest things to her only for her to get frustrated and insist that I explain more, slow down more or write more things down.

She only got mad when I told her no, which was frustrating for me because she basically has no ability to learn anything tech related. All she would do was waste my time and hers, but since she was retired she has infinite time so she was just fine with wasting mine.

It wasn't just computers. My dad got a kind of lovely, knock off firestick and my mom flat out didn't understand how to navigate it. Eventually they went back to cable out of frustration because my mom constantly complained about being unable to watch TV. And up until very recently, that was almost all she ever did.

She's able to learn other things and retain information. She just bounces off tech or anything tech related with the sole exception of her intuiting it immediately, which does happen. She isn't stupid, she's just incurious and unwilling to experiment or change.

a strange fowl
Oct 27, 2022

cognitive decline sucks to witness and sucks even more to deal with the practical consequences of. and because it's different for every individual, it's hard to even discuss with others because no advice can apply equally to every situation

UKJeff
May 17, 2023

by vyelkin

skooma512 posted:

My parents are against me moving with my soon to be wife out of state because they don't want to have to leave their house for me to serve them as they age.

So now I'm pretty much getting married against their wishes and fully anticipate having to tear up whatever I have going on over there to come back here in order to wait on two transphobic racist boomers getting their brains scrambled by Fox News. No one is going to help me. The entire rest of my family that shows up at all, are dependent themselves. My wife won't leave her job over there to help me. It's all on me.

And like, the fact that I have to walk away from my job a year before I vest in the pension and the union I'm with to go follow her just so I can maybe claw my way into a job over there if I'm lucky just to rip it up again in a couple years isn't great either. If I talk about this too much I'm being negative and not being supportive, but you're the one with the job lined up! I won't have one and my career is stagnant and you know this!

It just feels like I don't really have family or a support system in my life. I'm just everyone's indentured servant and all my connections are just a series of stealth contracts. The way my dad just says "you owe me" makes it feel so bloodless and transactional. And then the motherfucker says I should also have a kid so they have something to do during the day and that the fact we can't afford it isn't an excuse. Like I'm just a series of milestones that I once again fail to meet.

The easiest way to resolve this would be for my parents to rent out their precious 3/2 for retirement income and move in with us. We're not having kids, we fully anticipate elder care to take up 110% of our time, but No! It gets cold there sometimes! It's change! You have to wait 10-20 years (I'm 33) potentially until you can be permitted to be independent! How about I just toss myself in the loving grave with you then, since that's all I'm good for?

Fake edit: The supreme irony of the man who's been threatening to leave or threatening to kick me out for a messy room since I was like 6 demanding I stay in a place I don't particularly like and can barely afford.

Why do you have to move out of state? Your fiancée can’t find a job where you’re at right now?

skooma512
Feb 8, 2012

You couldn't grok my race car, but you dug the roadside blur.

Halloween Jack posted:

Could you just...not ruin your own life because your parents say that you have to?

They'll probably hold themselves as hostages. Who knows, it may very well work, I'm not made of stone. Hopefully they'll see reason, or at least not be able to fight too much when I drag them to whereever I'm at.

UKJeff posted:

Why do you have to move out of state? Your fiancée can’t find a job where you’re at right now?

She's going for a director position. Not many of those, you have to go to where the job is at.

UKJeff
May 17, 2023

by vyelkin

skooma512 posted:

They'll probably hold themselves as hostages. Who knows, it may very well work, I'm not made of stone. Hopefully they'll see reason, or at least not be able to fight too much when I drag them to whereever I'm at.

She's going for a director position. Not many of those, you have to go to where the job is at.

That’s tough, especially when you’re so close to getting your pension vested.

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

skooma512 posted:

They'll probably hold themselves as hostages. Who knows, it may very well work, I'm not made of stone. Hopefully they'll see reason, or at least not be able to fight too much when I drag them to whereever I'm at.
I meant to circle back around and be...less flippant, frankly. I don't presume to tell you what to do, but I couldn't help notice that you're framing doing your parent's bidding as "the easiest way to resolve this" when it sounds like anything but. It doesn't even sound like the path of least resistance. Do you really want to live with these people until they die? Do you really see your relationship surviving that, and are you willing to throw it away for them? You said that you don't get to make any decisions, but do your parents actually have the power to force you to do anything? It sounds like you're making the decision to throw your life away because they demand it. I don't see any indication that the well-founded bitterness and resentment you're feeling is going to get better over time.

What are the consequences if you move away with your partner and never speak to them again? I'm not saying you should do it, just consider it as a thought exercise, vs. the consequences of choosing to be their servant, while they constantly hold you in contempt, until they spend their last breath croaking that you're an ungrateful wretch who never did anything for them.

Pajser
Jan 28, 2006
sorry, not appropriate

Pajser has issued a correction as of 18:41 on Jun 22, 2023

ricecult
Oct 2, 2012




I got assaulted in a parking lot because some psychotic long island boomer gently caress said I parked too close to him (I did, but literally for 2 minutes in the tightest parking lot imaginable). I had left it running, I walked up while he was getting in my car to move it, and he proceeded to put his hands on me and threaten me, and pushed my car door onto me while I was getting in to leave.

When I got home, I was so pissed that I punched my car window, breaking it, and cutting open my finger. My great date night for my girlfriend was having her take me to get stitches.

Ptsd is so much loving fun! As if I wasn't having a hard time enough, now I never want to leave my house again, and don't trust that my gut impulse won't be to do things that are incredibly stupid. I guess I just won't work (this happened while I was delivering for uber eats because I'm 38 and have 0 prospects) or leave the house (long island is literally the worst place imaginable). gently caress this planet, and gently caress this joke of a life. I hope God exists so he can read me telling him to gently caress himself in the kidney on this stupid loving forum.

Jorge Bell
Aug 2, 2006
Long Island boomers are the most infantile beneficiaries of postwar prosperity and this country's #1 priority to raise property values above all other things. They should be dumped into the ocean en masse.

ricecult
Oct 2, 2012




Yeah but what do I do? Or what does anyone do? That's the current mental health question right? I can carry insane amounts of resentment and trauma, knowing for a fact I'm experiencing abuse at the hand of the most stupid, entitled, hateful people in history and that my feeling bad is logical, but what is actually to be done beyond holding on to a feeling of moral superiority?

UKJeff
May 17, 2023

by vyelkin
You shoulda kicked that guys rear end

ricecult
Oct 2, 2012




I'm not posting my response to that on the internet.

Pepe Silvia Browne
Jan 1, 2007
I think you did the right thing for your own safety because nowadays, who the gently caress knows if that guy goes and pulls a gun out of his glovebox if you decide to escalate things? people are willing to kill someone for turning around in their driveway lol

But like you said, the "moral superiority" isn't worth that much. My advice is to not dwell on it. And I know that's lovely, but it's pretty much all you can do. You know you did the right thing, the only thing you're gonna get out of replaying the situation is bringing yourself to the mistake that you did make (punching your window) and then using that to beat yourself up. If you're anything like me, that is.

Brain Candy
May 18, 2006

I would keep talking about here and even better if you can get a one on one with a sympathetic ear IRL.

Because it's a bad thing to hurt yourself and also getting hosed up by adrenaline after an assault is actually v. normal. Assult is an act that fucks with your trust of people, a violation of your sense of self, just burying it real deep is a great way have it poison the ground water.

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Pepe Silvia Browne
Jan 1, 2007
"bury it really deep and don't talk about it ever again" is not what I meant when I said not to dwell on it

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