(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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As a boy in school, if your grades are ok and you're not breaking things or annoying people it's assumed that there's nothing wrong with you and no attention is paid (I also have inattentive ADHD that didn't get diagnosed until adulthood because my coping mechanisms got me good grades)
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Jul 2, 2023 16:14
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| # ? May 26, 2024 00:18 |
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loquacius posted:As a boy in school, if your grades are ok and you're not breaking things or annoying people it's assumed that there's nothing wrong with you and no attention is paid This only worked great in elementary school for me and my abusive father, who loves taking credit for things he would never be caught dead doing. Afterwards in high school, it just wasnt enough, but by then I was old enough to be a perfect scape goat for him.
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Jul 2, 2023 16:54
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How do you guys deal with rage? Especialy now that youre older/middle aged. Alcohol/weed "worked" before but they just do not work anymore.
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Jul 2, 2023 16:58
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Pajser posted:How do you guys deal with rage? Especialy now that youre older/middle aged. Honestly? You've got to work it out in therapy because rage always has a wellspring. But if you're not ready for that I'd suggest starting a moderate exercise regimen and knocking off the booze. Depressants like alcohol don't help with being furious and can lead to you making mistakes like getting in fistfights or late night ex texting.
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Jul 2, 2023 20:54
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Zeroisanumber posted:Honestly? You've got to work it out in therapy because rage always has a wellspring. But if you're not ready for that I'd suggest starting a moderate exercise regimen and knocking off the booze. Depressants like alcohol don't help with being furious and can lead to you making mistakes like getting in fistfights or late night ex texting. its not numbing me anymore and im afraid these days im going to do something truly stupid
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Jul 2, 2023 23:01
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Al! posted:yeah i remember velkyn saying something like that a few months ago. if i thought it was solely my decision to make i would have already done it Al, while I appreciate your opinions on this - any changes to this thread and its future comes with strings attached. Posters have used this thread to journal, catalog, and extend a lot of compassion towards one another in an area of C-SPAM that's quite rare; I am personally at a difficult crossroad where I feel a fresh start may come across as minimizing when In fact that's the last thing anyone ever wants to do. We (the posters) have created an awesome environment that's practically been self-policing with minimal friction points between lurkers, posters, mods/iks/admins alike.
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Jul 2, 2023 23:53
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Pajser posted:its not numbing me anymore and im afraid these days im going to do something truly stupid You really have to find another outlet for it if that's where you're feeling and to the point of concessions on your own self-control. Sounds like there's a lot of bullshit happening to you, or generally on your mind (poo poo, ain't that the loving truth) but you've gotta find something that lets you offgas and pour it out into a parallel instead of internalizing things and stewing. Also, definitely talk to a therapist asap, they're trained pro listeners, and really do help with caked-on crap. poo poo, I just started working out recently and it feels great. My goal is bulking and biceps. I kinda want to take up boxing, too, because I discovered I have a fairly meaty and fast swing.
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Jul 3, 2023 00:18
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Pajser posted:its not numbing me anymore and im afraid these days im going to do something truly stupid I've done truly stupid things and I'll tell you it doesn't help. You really should reach out to a therapist, it'll help.
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Jul 3, 2023 00:51
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Pajser posted:its not numbing me anymore and im afraid these days im going to do something truly stupid If you can, maybe consider checking yourself in for a short bit of inpatient care? Will prevent you from doing something truly stupid and they will get the ball rolling on helping you work out whatever is at the root of your rage issue. Also therapy, but if you are really on that edge as you say, I wouldn't wait myself.
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Jul 3, 2023 02:10
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Josherino posted:Al, while I appreciate your opinions on this - any changes to this thread and its future comes with strings attached. Only hestiance I have about this thread is that it's in so public a place and lovely people could potentially use it against people seeking help here. This is the only thread where I turn my irony off completely and treat every post with sincerity and compassion. I can't say that about any other place that I post.
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Jul 3, 2023 02:54
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Zeroisanumber posted:Only hestiance I have about this thread is that it's in so public a place and lovely people could potentially use it against people seeking help here. Loving this; you bring up a great point which I'll be addressing in a follow up post very shortly. I'd ask for some grace as we come up with new approaches surrounding how we maintain a lot of the growth that's been fostered here. If this new approach doesn't work out, we tried...and trying is what this thread is all about.
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Jul 3, 2023 03:10
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 UPDATE Over the past several months, several great ideas have come up regarding the future of this thread. For almost two years (September anniversary), posters have been able to extend/experience a ton of compassion, care, and growth without any sort of catastrophic doom posting that could have resulted in an awesome space being purged from the forums. The amount of awareness created from this thread alone has encouraged others to be stewards of a very sensitive topic. For some (including myself), this space is a way to hold ourselves accountable as we write our own stories. This space has also brought out some the best qualities from posters across the globe. Everyone here has endured some kind of feeling of vulnerability regardless of their anonymity. The amount of trust that's been extended in every direction is unique and I am extremely grateful for the ton of respect that's shared between posters on a daily basis. I am extremely proud of the community you all have built, and I look forward to seeing where each and every story goes. I (we) are well aware of the amount of risk this thread takes by being on the front page of C-SPAM. I hear your concerns. The intent behind sticking this thread to the front page of C-SPAM was to allow individuals lurking and posting throughout the forums to find peace in a thread that may be of use to them one day. Have there been moments where a poster doesn't read the room and totally violates someone else's boundaries - yes. This thread has required little to no maintenance, and that is a testament to your guys' ability to identify with one another as human beings first, and posters second. The approach we've taken and will continue to take is mostly hands-off. Very rarely does cold-calling happen. Any posts that clearly violate boundaries or rules have been dealt with on a 1:1 basis unless it involved some immediate attention like when someone begged for a drone strike. Now that we're approaching the two-year mark, I feel as though the original intent behind sticking the thread to the front page of C-SPAM has run its course, and it's time for us to maintain what we have built by continuing to allow the community to do what they do best to keep this thread afloat -  I think it's totally safe to assume that most of us who frequent this thread have already favorited it. I also know that a lot of lurkers and new posters over the past several months are here because they were recommended this thread. I personally believe that the amount of work we all put into this thread supersedes the need to keep this thread stickied to the front page, and will OFFICIALLY be unstickied at the top of the hour.  MENTAL HEALTH RELOADED REDUX V2 I just want to take a quick/lazy moment to copy/paste some left and right limits that are totally reasonable. * DO NOT encourage suicide, even indirectly and/or for yourself. I understand people are hurting and have been there myself. However, this is a group environment, and we have to be mindful of others. * DO NOT request info on dosages of any kind of drug. (why would you ask the internet about this lol) Neither SA nor myself can do this, it's a liability and you will be probated, probably. Talking about dosages and your experiences on them are fine, just don't ask for which ones to use. * DO NOT tell people not to see a therapist, psychiatrist, mental health professional. if you want to share your experiences with any of those not working that's fine. if you want to say it's bullshit that's also fine. just don't tell people not to go. * DO NOT tell people all meds are terrible or to stop taking them or not bother to start * espouse self medication over meds—drinking, pot, heroin, etc. * DO NOT make fun of anyone's mental illness * DO NOT post "lol nothing matters" and "don't bother trying" * generally be a dick towards anyone genuinely hurting and in need of help A couple of posts have skirted by - I'm completely aware. I want to apologize for that. A lot of things have happened this past year that challenged me and forced me into uncomfortable spaces where I've had to completely turn my brain off. If there's something I miss(ed) and you feel like a post completely violates one of the rules mentioned above, please reach out. Josherino has issued a correction as of 04:34 on Jul 3, 2023 |
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Jul 3, 2023 03:50
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Also: No Cussing Allowed
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Jul 3, 2023 04:28
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Jorge Bell posted:Also: No Cussing Allowed gently caress, I forgot.
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Jul 3, 2023 04:34
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i can tell i am tired because i read one of those as "DO NOT tell people to go see a therapist" and i was like  instead of just assuming i might have read it wrongspeaking of therapy, i don't have the time or money to reaccess it but i have been digging back into my old dbt toolkit to cope with some stuff. specifically, challenging judgmental thoughts and opposite to emotion actions. these were the hardest ones for anyone to grasp, myself included, since it really runs the risk of invalidating some genuine emotions if you're not doing it right. gently caress me if i can remember 90% of all the rest of the skills, though
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Jul 3, 2023 05:37
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cash crab posted:i can tell i am tired because i read one of those as "DO NOT tell people to go see a therapist" and i was like Bring it in 
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Jul 3, 2023 05:38
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cash crab posted:speaking of therapy, i don't have the time or money to reaccess it but i have been digging back into my old dbt toolkit to cope with some stuff. specifically, challenging judgmental thoughts and opposite to emotion actions. sounds cool, any chance you have like an example?
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Jul 3, 2023 18:10
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veepfake posted:sounds cool, any chance you have like an example? yeah for sure. it works best if you've got some trouble with emotional regulation for whatever reason; it's not really going to do much otherwise. with opposite to emotion action, let's say you want to go to the grocery store but you feel really keyed up. you manage to get there but you haven't really worked through any of your feelings, and you get to the checkout and the cashier goes, "how's your day" and what you want to do is shout, "loving BAD actually". that would not be an effective way to deal with your feelings. one thing you can do is go, "im fine, thanks," and then say to yourself, "wow, i must be anxious as gently caress if that thought came up so readily." don't judge the feeling or the urge, just let it pass by and validate the fact that you're obviously pretty tense. now that you're walking home with your box of corn dogs and gummi bears, you can now deal with whatever emotions are making you so tense. what's important to remember is not to judge or chastise yourself for having emotions in the first place. being so tense or anxious that you NEARLY yelled at a cashier doesn't make you a bad person, it just means you have poo poo going on. instead of staying home and not getting any food, or taking your mood out on someone, you take steps to move on with your day as much as you can while still acknowledging that maybe you need to take care of yourself when you have the space to do so. being non-judgmental is hard. you would be amazed how many judgemental thoughts you have. there's nothing wrong with them per say but they can help prop up a lot of cognitive biases, like the common "i am the worst" or something. on the way home you drop your corn dogs, and you think, "im such a loving idiot, why the gently caress am i even eating corn dogs, gently caress im such a pig," etc. maybe your internal monologue isn't that intense, maybe it is. just recognize you had the thought, replace it with a neutral alternative. "whoops, there go my corndogs." and that's it. no value judgment, nothing. straight facts. try doing it for just a day, you'll be amazed how many thoughts you end up challenging. once you get into the habit of doing it, it becomes easier to regulate your reactions to lots of stuff, including yourself.
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Jul 3, 2023 22:16
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cash crab posted:speaking of therapy, i don't have the time or money to reaccess it but i have been digging back into my old dbt toolkit to cope with some stuff. specifically, challenging judgmental thoughts and opposite to emotion actions. these were the hardest ones for anyone to grasp, myself included, since it really runs the risk of invalidating some genuine emotions if you're not doing it right. gently caress me if i can remember 90% of all the rest of the skills, though I started visiting these [url=]psychiatrists nyc[/url] around six months ago. I've been dealing with anxiety and occasional depressive moods for years, and finally having professionals who genuinely listen and understand has been refreshing. Their approach is different - they didn't just listen and nod but encouraged me to challenge my thinking, helping me gain insights that I hadn't previously considered. They didn't push any particular method, and rather, they encouraged me to explore different therapies and find what works best for me. It has been a challenging journey but also rewarding.
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Jul 3, 2023 22:32
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i feel like practicing non-judgmental tones with yourself is pretty crucial. approaching some of your feelings with the air of a curious scientist can be helpful, in my experience. like, "gee, my reaction to [x] was really intense. i wonder what caused the intensity?" like always giving names and space for those feelings should be paramount, and validating their existence without also like, believing every thought they inspire. so like i feel pretty ashamed about dropping my box of corndogs, and that feeling exists no matter what, but i do not need to internalize the interpretation that i am a lovely jerk for dropping them.
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Jul 3, 2023 22:37
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I dropped a box full of plates, shattering them all instantly. Therefore, I am the worst fucker alive
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Jul 3, 2023 22:49
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Jorge Bell posted:I dropped a box full of plates, shattering them all instantly. Therefore, I am the worst fucker alive Everyone breaks something during a move, goon. It's just plates, they're making new ones all the time. You could get cheap ones from a garage sale or a kitchen surplus sale, or you could go get nicer ones if you want and have the means.
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Jul 4, 2023 00:51
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Zeroisanumber posted:Everyone breaks something during a move, goon. It's just plates, they're making new ones all the time. You could get cheap ones from a garage sale or a kitchen surplus sale, or you could go get nicer ones if you want and have the means. Not gonna lie, there have been times where IKEA’s cheap prices have allowed me to afford several fits of rage.
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Jul 4, 2023 03:11
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Josherino posted:Not gonna lie, there have been times where IKEA’s cheap prices have allowed me to afford several fits of rage. I dated a girl who would throw a plate if she was over a certain level of mad.
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Jul 4, 2023 03:42
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cash crab posted:yeah for sure. it works best if you've got some trouble with emotional regulation for whatever reason; it's not really going to do much otherwise. this is really helpful, thanks. i tend to blow my intrusive thoughts way out of proportion, judge them harshly, etc., im glad im not the only one who goes "stupid! stupid! stupid!" at some of the dumb things that can cross my mind. anyway, thanks again, some good food for thought.
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Jul 4, 2023 04:20
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veepfake posted:this is really helpful, thanks. i tend to blow my intrusive thoughts way out of proportion, judge them harshly, etc., im glad im not the only one who goes "stupid! stupid! stupid!" at some of the dumb things that can cross my mind. anyway, thanks again, some good food for thought. yeah, countering intrusive thoughts with the way you would talk to a particularly unloved dog is the best way to entrench them, in my opinion. self-compassion is super difficult but extremely critical in challenging those ideas. marsha linehan made a big workbook about dbt (she is in fact the inventor of the whole thing); it's primarily designed for ptsd, BPD, etc., but i think it's well-applied to any kind of emotional dysregulation. i recommend looking into it. if you find it and have any questions, feel free to PM me: i took a 6-month outpatient in DBT two times as part of a study so i know it pretty well.
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Jul 4, 2023 04:37
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cash crab posted:yeah, countering intrusive thoughts with the way you would talk to a particularly unloved dog is the best way to entrench them, in my opinion. self-compassion is super difficult but extremely critical in challenging those ideas. I'm gonna dig into an old CBT work book I found while cleaning out the office. I'm really happy to you recommending DBT here.
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Jul 5, 2023 17:29
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Josherino posted:I'm gonna dig into an old CBT work book I found while cleaning out the office. no problem! if i can find a pdf of the original workbook i will link it here. some of the workbooks aren't stellar but her original book was really good
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Jul 5, 2023 19:23
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I’ve been doing pretty well lately, thankfully. my ex, who I thought was a friend, just said something extremely hurtful and out of pocket and it’s making me feel bad. I know I sucked, that’s why I spent years going to therapy and getting medicated and poo poo. I do not plan to respond but man, it hurt. I think it might be time to wind this friendship down
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Jul 6, 2023 01:22
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Consummate Professional posted:I’ve been doing pretty well lately, thankfully. my ex, who I thought was a friend, just said something extremely hurtful and out of pocket and it’s making me feel bad. I know I sucked, that’s why I spent years going to therapy and getting medicated and poo poo. That loving sucks, man. I'm sorry 
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Jul 6, 2023 01:34
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I really liked my old therapist, but we had to part ways. Got a new therapist that I'm going to see in a week. Hopefully he's not poo poo. Been feeling really down and not able to identify why. I think I was a lot more attached to my old therapist than I knew and it makes it hard to want to try with a new therapist even though I know I still need therapy.
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Jul 7, 2023 07:30
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I ran out of meds a week or two ago but also the thing that was causing me to have horrible anxiety and panic isn't really in my life anymore so i actually mostly just feel fine.
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Jul 7, 2023 09:53
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Ice Phisherman posted:I really liked my old therapist, but we had to part ways. Got a new therapist that I'm going to see in a week. Hopefully he's not poo poo. as an option, you can request your old and new therapist talk to bring the new one up to speed. there are various reasons why a client might not want that, but in general although not necessary, it's a good idea. you can also request their notes to give to you and/or the new therapist. in california they legally must give you the session notes they have on you, but not their "process notes" which is the chicken scratch they might write down during session and is usually less legible and more opinionated im on the fence about whether or not a client should read their therapist's notes. not ethically speaking, just in terms of it's helpful to the client. last thing: if you feel that way about your old therapist, then you might need to grieve the loss. an intimate, well hopefully it was intimate, relationship is gone and probably cannot ever come back. its a loss. you can even do that grieving with your new therapist
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Jul 7, 2023 12:20
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Ice Phisherman posted:I really liked my old therapist, but we had to part ways. Got a new therapist that I'm going to see in a week. Hopefully he's not poo poo. I will say that this exact thing happened to me earlier in the year and while I was theoretically okay with it, it caused some serious anxiety problems and probably subconsciously hosed me up for a while. Hopefully it won't be as bad for you- I'm also a person who gets very habitual and hates change, so that didn't help. It did help in the long run though
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Jul 7, 2023 17:59
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I don't know what the gently caress to do. My parents are yet again screaming at me to buy a house since my money will become "worthless". But not only do I not want to pay HALF of my loving paycheck towards a mortgage with interest rates that might rise further, but I dunno if my company is going to make it AND I might be forced to make that choice because my lease will be up next year and the rest will either be massively jacked up or I will be kicked out. AND I don't know if I want to stay in Norway but everywhere else in Europe seems to be on fire. And my loving Boomer parents say I am just being "whiny", "dramatic", "spend way too much money on takeout and video games" (but also screamed at me to hire a maid) and say I have no reason to complain. AAaaaaaaaagggghhhh
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Jul 8, 2023 19:28
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AceOfFlames posted:I don't know what the gently caress to do. Might be time to put your Boomer parents' numbers on block, just for a little while. a few months ago I'd just drop a heartless  emptyquote but i really don't have it in me anymore
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Jul 8, 2023 19:38
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AceOfFlames posted:I don't know what the gently caress to do. Don't put yourself in the position of taking out a huge loan if you're worried that your financial security is going to be possibly precarious. As for dealing with your folks, I'd lay out your position and your fears and then ask them if they're willing to cover you if you're suddenly unable to pay your mortgage and living expenses. When they say no, which I imagine they will, then you can say that you're not in a position to buy a house right now. I have a Catholic mom so I understand how pushy parents can be sometimes, but generally if you make it clear that you've heard their ideas and don't agree for what you consider to be important reasons, they'll back off. And if not you can say that you've given your reasons and consider the matter closed.
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Jul 8, 2023 20:07
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My mom and my aunt are visiting me right now. I've been wanting to get to know my mom's side of the family more because they're on the east coast, I'm on the west and I haven't met them in person, except for one time when I was going through a crisis and I wound up in a mental health clinic on Thanksgiving. Not a great introduction. When my parents split up, my dad manipulated me into hating my mom and I was distant from her until I started talking with her again and she was there for me during hard times. I've been trying to talk with my aunt to learn more about everybody, but my aunt is also not the smartest person and she's old. We went to a restaurant yesterday, and when a trans woman walked past she shouted out loud "that's a man!". I felt embarrassed and when we were driving back home I asked her "has anyone ever called you the n-word? Telling a trans woman they're a man is like using the n-word." She kept saying though "that's a man." She's been saying a lot of ignorant stuff and I just brush it off as her being old. I think there's something a little deeper though. My cousin wrote a book about her struggles with having a disabled kid, and I almost cried reading it. She's a really go-getter person from what I understand, and she basically admits in the book that her parents (my aunt and her husband) weren't great and she had to learn a lot about being a parent on her own. I'd like to actually meet more people like that on my mom's side.
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Jul 10, 2023 07:05
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nvm
a strange fowl has issued a correction as of 12:35 on Jul 10, 2023 |
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Jul 10, 2023 10:31
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| # ? May 26, 2024 00:18 |
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All of the in network therapists specializing in OCD and my other brain worm cocktails aren't accepting new patients, leaving me to trawl the Aetna website trying to choose between a long list of "happy mental health corp llc" and "mental wellness talks co" or whatever with no further details instead. This makes me feel confident in my choice in who will help me feel better
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Jul 10, 2023 16:40
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