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i think I've confessed this before, but I've done more now. I cannot stand the sight of a monkey. Not Chimps and gorillas but the smaller ones. Something about those little faces and their little flailing hands makes me want to just wring the life out of them. I remember being young, no more than 7 or 8 and went on a school trip to the zoo. There was this little Pygmy marmoset in a cage with a mate. I suddenly was overcome with the urge to take the smaller one from out of the cage and just make it scream while the other watched. I was afraid for a long time that I was a psychopath, going to torture animals etc but no. I've, until recently, never harmed another living thing. I love my pets and my children beyond words, but monkeys fill me with a dark and vile purpose. I previously linked to the "poor baby monkey" youtube series where abused baby monkeys in foreign zoos are video taped by unsympathetic, or even like minded, people. They way they half beaten to death, starved little thing trembles is a font of sadistic pleasure. I've often fantasized about getting a little helper monkey and re-enacting the "faces of Death" scene. You know the one, not that I would eat it after mind you. I didn't come to post my ideas, but rather wanted to confess that I've actually done it. I live in Southern California, a pretty plain area but we are close to the border where things are lax. I found a man online through irc where we share our feelings on simian torture. All sorts of good lab testing videos or animal snuff and crush films. I find the majority abhorrent but the monkey stuff is top notch. We agreed to meet and he would sell me his mothers helper monkey. We would then go off and live out the fantasy. I decided to do it, told the mrs I was meeting an old friend who was coming north and were going to go out hiking. We met up and there he was in the cage. A tiny little thing. We drove out into the desert for an hour or two chatting about what we would do. To avoid making this a torture porn, suffice to say it died very slowly. We burned it's body and then had lunch in Joshua Tree. My favorite part was breaking its hands and feet and then chasing it with an electric fly swatter. My partner tried something with a youtube clip of monkey mother calls and a leash. Too cerebral for me. I came to the memory of its screams later that night as I hosed my wife. One of our better nights of sex too. Sometimes I feel guilty. It was just a dumb animal, it didn't need to suffer, but then that dark pit rises up in my throat and I remember just how much I hate those monkeys. I don't think I will do it again, killing an actual monkey, but I just wanted to confess to it and to anyone else out there who hates them as much as I do, yes it does feel as good as you think it does.