PYF Something Awful Legends: Page 1562 for the DarkID saga

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > PYF Something Awful Legends: Page 1562 for the DarkID saga

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Nuns with Guns: Jul 23, 2010; It's fine.
Don't worry about it.

vyelkin posted:

I didn't even know Martin Random was a big Covid guy, I just know him from all his other psychotic permabanned accounts, with stellar posts like these ones:

for some reason I bet he won't post these on twitter though, people following him for covid news might be less enthusiastic if they learned his equally strong beliefs about how innocent children should be murdered

given his apparent threat to doxx everybody, this one's pretty funny though:

Omg Martin Random is the ~~firefighter~~ water cop truther?

Brunch Covidian posted:

Tip: if you see a fire truck wailing by, look. Look to see if the firefighters are wearing helmets. If so, they're on their way to a fire. You'll wait a long time before seeing this. Honestly? Never.

If their heads are bare, they're going to a medical emergency. It's never the kind of medical emergency that requires five men and a fire truck.

However, no matter anything else, it's always the kind of medical emergency which adds to their call-out statistics, because houses don't burn down anymore, and if they do, the engineered materials ensure that there will be no point in trying to fight the fire.

They're paid very, very well to bunk together, play playstation, lift weights, and never, really, fight any fires.

Brunch Covidian posted:

They run the same basic scam as the police, but they're beloved because protecting us from fires that never happen doesn't involve beating down blacks and browns.

Brunch Covidian posted:

To do what

Let them stay in their firehouse.

In your scenario, imagine that they were never there.

Does this prevent insurance payments.

What marginal value was added here? Rehabilitating a structure is more expensive than building a new one.

I'm sorry, but their job is to use their big shiny trucks and your money to protect property. Frankly, outside of ancient structures in old cities, building codes and insurance do their job for them, at pennies on the dollar.

They know they have no reason to exist. Really, they know. That's why they're Johnny on the spot with five men and a water truck for a medical emergency. It's why, in California, their union owns a film studio with over a dozen full time employees to do nothing but produce videos for or against politicians. Didn't know that? It's in Silver lake.

It's a thankless job, fire fighting, isn't it? That's why, if you should ever wish to be a firefighter, you'll need to volunteer, then serve at a volunteer fire agency, then, eventually, get on the gravy train and become a full benefit firefighter. You'll retire at fifty with full pay and medical.

Brunch Covidian posted:

Exactly.

A gunshot victim doesn't need a water truck to spray him down and thus extinguish his wounds.

Why are fire fighters coming with special flame equipment to hose down heart attack victims?

Not an ambulance?

It's a thing you should watch, a thing that's absurd. It's a crazy thing that only exists because people are getting paid. An american phenomenon.

We pay our emt professionals, about thirteen dollars an hour. They are the ones who should be on scene.

But... When you see a fire truck with full sirens cruising, look. Look to see if they're wearing helmets.

Or look to see if there playing you for a loving muppet.

Brunch Covidian posted:

Shipping logistics, sure. But what is your stance on those disgusting creatures that yet still walk among us, the firefighters?

Brunch Covidian posted:

99% of their callouts are to suit up five dudes to be ambulance chasers and the other 1% are rare structure fires which aren't worth trying to save because they're made of engineered materials and burn like paper mache infused with gasoline so they just watch it burn

We don't need them anymore op building codes plus insurance do their job for them much cheaper

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:18

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# ? May 26, 2024 14:58

Kagaya Homoraisan: Aug 28, 2019; You say, run away
Instead, you get scared
For the way that I feel
Drops out into all this disorder

love this world he lives in where there arent fires like, not coming from someones house. like thousands of square miles of dry brush or things like that

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:21

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

Nuns with Guns posted:

Omg Martin Random is the ~~firefighter~~ water cop truther?

ahahaha this loving freak

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:23

Nuns with Guns: Jul 23, 2010; It's fine.
Don't worry about it.

Kagaya Homoraisan posted:

love this world he lives in where there arent fires like, not coming from someones house. like thousands of square miles of dry brush or things like that

I'm a bit worried what happened in his reality. Where house fires aren't apparently more common and a greater risk in lower-income areas that are less likely to have buildings up to modern codes or insurance to cover a house burning down.

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:25

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

Nuns with Guns posted:

I'm a bit worried what happened in his reality. Where house fires aren't apparently more common and a greater risk in lower-income areas that are less likely to have buildings up to modern codes or insurance to cover a house burning down.

Also, y'know, there's things besides houses that can catch fire.

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:27

FirstnameLastname: Jul 10, 2022

personally i subscribe to the firecop canon and think it's sweet

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:27

Nuns with Guns: Jul 23, 2010; It's fine.
Don't worry about it.

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Also, y'know, there's things besides houses that can catch fire.

No, that's not possible. Everything else in the world says "inflammable" on it.

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:28

FirstnameLastname: Jul 10, 2022

emt shows up to save a gunshot victim and the flamewarriors are there all dripped out in their coats blocking em off with a firehose spray unless they pay the protection money and give up some percos

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:30

Rea: Apr 5, 2011; Komi-san won.

Nuns with Guns posted:

Omg Martin Random is the ~~firefighter~~ water cop truther?

I may be having reading comprehension issues tonight because I cannot figure out what conspiracy he's insinuating here. By this logic, the government keeps firefighters around despite them being useless because ???

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:31

16-bit Butt-Head: Dec 25, 2014

rules some goons seem to inhabit a dystopian science fiction novel written in the 60s

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:34

Buschmaki: Dec 26, 2012; ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿Lean Addict︵‿︵‿︵‿

The government enjoys taxing people into poverty to spend it on useless social services, I am a leftist.

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:35

16-bit Butt-Head: Dec 25, 2014

running down the streets screaming firefighters are fake right before the end credits roll

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:35

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

Some of those that burn crosses� are the same that extinguish burning crosses

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:38

That DICK!: Sep 28, 2010

16-bit Butt-Head posted:

running down the streets screaming firefighters are fake right before the end credits roll

Laid back with my mind on my money and my money on my mind

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:41

Pablo Nergigante: Apr 16, 2002

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Some of those that burn crosses� are the same that extinguish burning crosses

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:43

Pablo Nergigante: Apr 16, 2002

They�re called firefighters because they fight on the side of fire

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:44

16-bit Butt-Head: Dec 25, 2014

mike judge reveal yourself https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_AHRM0Z1zI

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:45

Nuns with Guns: Jul 23, 2010; It's fine.
Don't worry about it.

Brunch Covidian posted:

I have no idea what we can possibly do. But... Let me get my bearings.

*takes out compass*

Huh. It's rapidly oscillating between me and that gas can over there.

What's that boy? You want me to turn the mansions of high dollar donors into bonfires?

*compass needle wags excitedly*

And have a party there with all my friends??

*compass spins around and around wildly*

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Would-be arsonist and child-killer really bitter about firefighters for some reason???

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:45

FirstnameLastname: Jul 10, 2022

come the gently caress on l ol

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:50

Pablo Nergigante: Apr 16, 2002

16-bit Butt-Head posted:

mike judge reveal yourself https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_AHRM0Z1zI

Lol

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:51

The Saddest Rhino: Apr 29, 2009; Put it all together.
Solve the world.
One conversation at a time.

Nuns with Guns posted:

Omg Martin Random is the ~~firefighter~~ water cop truther?

Incredible, goons are the most powerful beings on earth

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:51

Crystal Lake Witch: Apr 25, 2010

I can�t get over the idea that it�s better to just let a home burn, and then go have a chat with the insurance company to get it covered, and build a new one hassle free.

Edit: maybe someone told him that firefighters save people�s pets from house fires, and he�s just leading the charge on a new front in CSPAM�s war on dogs

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:55

tristeham: Jul 31, 2022

FirstnameLastname posted:

if you look at their profiles 4 of them are active rn but only in the mod forum lol

lol

# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:59

FirstnameLastname: Jul 10, 2022

Swan Lake Algae Problem posted:

I can�t get over the idea that it�s better to just let a home burn, and then go have a chat with the insurance company to get it covered, and build a new one hassle free.

in the early 1900s people would set fires in brick buildings so they'd collapse & have the soot all washed off by fire hoses, then they'd gather them up and sell them to construction companies

# ? Jul 16, 2023 07:00

Crystal Lake Witch: Apr 25, 2010

That�s the kind of hustle culture grindset that we�ve really lost, it�s a sad state of affairs.

# ? Jul 16, 2023 07:03

The Kins: Oct 2, 2004

vyelkin posted:

I didn't even know Martin Random was a big Covid guy, I just know him from all his other psychotic permabanned accounts, with stellar posts like these ones:

Antivehicular posted:

I just keep thinking about someone typing out "stab yourself again and again in your lower abdomen, you creature" and concluding it's an effective way to burn your posting enemy

werewolf samurai wanders up and tearfully admits that he has cast shame upon his daimyō but doesn't know how to avoid being cast into rōnin status and asks what to do next

# ? Jul 16, 2023 07:10

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

FirstnameLastname posted:

if you look at their profiles 4 of them are active rn but only in the mod forum lol

doing mod work like intended

also open the mod forum to the public and discourage any mod chat threads because this poo poo causes the Thin Blue Star bullshit

# ? Jul 16, 2023 07:29

Boba Pearl: Dec 27, 2019; by Athanatos

Psycho Landlord posted:

they soak a bunch of some weird seaweed in salt and shoot it up their nose to protect against the covid rays. kids call em seawhippets

# ? Jul 16, 2023 08:13

tristeham: Jul 31, 2022

Psycho Landlord posted:

they soak a bunch of some weird seaweed in salt and shoot it up their nose to protect against the covid rays. kids call em seawhippets

lol

# ? Jul 16, 2023 08:36

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

Psycho Landlord posted:

they soak a bunch of some weird seaweed in salt and shoot it up their nose to protect against the covid rays. kids call em seawhippets

lol

# ? Jul 16, 2023 08:37

fun hater: May 24, 2009; its a neat trick, but you can only do it once

literally lol at everything

# ? Jul 16, 2023 08:37

Kazinsal: Dec 13, 2011

Psycho Landlord posted:

they soak a bunch of some weird seaweed in salt and shoot it up their nose to protect against the covid rays. kids call em seawhippets

# ? Jul 16, 2023 09:16

CubicalSucrose: Jan 1, 2013; Phantom my Opera and call me South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Some of those that burn crosses� are the same that extinguish burning crosses

Squirting in the name of

# ? Jul 16, 2023 09:27

Herstory Begins Now: Aug 5, 2003; SOME REALLY TEDIOUS DUMB SHIT THAT SUCKS ASS TO READ ->>

wait until they find out that snorting lines of kratom powder protects you from covid [because ur nose is crammed full of dried plant matter, thereby making it impossible for covid to get in]

# ? Jul 16, 2023 09:51

NoiseAnnoys: May 17, 2010

Pablo Nergigante posted:

Lol the other thread regulars buying him a bulletproof vest cert

imagine hating praxis this much

# ? Jul 16, 2023 10:32

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016; What did you say the strategy was?

Swan Lake Algae Problem posted:

I can’t get over the idea that it’s better to just let a home burn, and then go have a chat with the insurance company to get it covered, and build a new one hassle free.

Possessions only have value if you let them so not letting your house and memories burn is capitalism, comrade

# ? Jul 16, 2023 11:00

The Deleter: May 22, 2010

The Kins posted:

werewolf samurai wanders up and tearfully admits that he has cast shame upon his daimyō but doesn't know how to avoid being cast into rōnin status and asks what to do next

Werewolf Samurai Sepukku would be a sick band name

# ? Jul 16, 2023 11:15

Cranappleberry: Jan 27, 2009

Psycho Landlord posted:

they soak a bunch of some weird seaweed in salt and shoot it up their nose to protect against the covid rays. kids call em seawhippets

# ? Jul 16, 2023 11:34

vyelkin: Jan 2, 2011

FirstnameLastname posted:

if you look at their profiles 4 of them are active rn but only in the mod forum lol

responding to a report requires making a post in the reports forum, so a mod's most recent post being in a hidden forum doesn't mean they're posting in a chat thread or anything like that

# ? Jul 16, 2023 12:02

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# ? May 26, 2024 14:58

Kazinsal: Dec 13, 2011

vyelkin posted:

responding to a report requires making a post in the reports forum, so a mod's most recent post being in a hidden forum doesn't mean they're posting in a chat thread or anything like that

it's the mix of last post today and last visible post being six weeks ago that perks eyebrows tbh

# ? Jul 16, 2023 12:06

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > PYF Something Awful Legends: Page 1562 for the DarkID saga

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