quote:

I’ve (18 F) been friends with Lucy (18 F) and riding the bus with her to school each day for a long time now. For context, I’m South Asian (born in Asia) and she is East Asian (American-born). She’s one of my closest friends but she has had some bad takes on race-related topics on the rare ocassion it comes up in conversation.

Anyway, I was telling her about the time a kid in middle school mocked East Asians by pulling his eyes back and I’d said “You know I’m Asian right?” and stopped talking to him. Even though he wasn’t mocking me ig I was trying to tell him “I’m not cool with that, wtf” in the best way a middle schooler can.

Well Lucy responded to my story with “Well…you’re not really Asian”. I asked her what she meant by that and she essentially said Americans consider people that look like her Asian but don’t consider people that look like me Asian so I’m not really Asian.

I was like “I was literally born/lived there and you were born here and you’re telling me I’m not Asian?” and I also mentioned how in Britain people that look like me are the ones called “Asian”. The rest of the bus ride was silent. We were back to normal the next day.

A couple weeks later I was talking to another South Asian friend who doesn’t like Lucy (Lucy was kinda rude to her and jealous of her sometimes ngl) and she asked how Lucy was doing and she eventually mentioned how once in middle school Lucy had told her she wasn’t Asian. And I was like “no way, she said the same thing to me recently”. So we vented to each other and my friend was weirded out that Lucy thought the same way still.

Well word got around and to make a long story short, a lot of our South Asian friends are kinda avoiding Lucy and she found out why and she’s not talking to me anymore. One of our other friends mentioned that she’s mad at me for gossiping about her and sharing a private convo. Maybe I shouldn’t have shared, but I felt like I was just venting about a common prejudice that South Asians face. AITA?

TL;DR: East Asian friend told me I (South Asian) am not “really Asian”. I vented to a friend, word got around and now our South Asian friends are avoiding her and she isn’t talking to me anymore.

Edit: Won’t be further engaging with people who, for some wild reason, seem to agree with Lucy’s opinion on Asianess. Me being Asian isn’t an opinion, it’s a fact.

Foo Diddley posted:

i like how exhaustively OP shoots down each and every solution anyone can possibly come up with. like, why did you even ask, then? what the hell do you want reddit to tell you, here

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Marriage is a life-threatening disease.

quote:

My brother has 50/50 custody with his ex-wife over my nephew (3). My brother makes more money than his ex, so even though they have my nephew the same amount of time, he still has to pay her $100 a month. My brother will not shut the gently caress up about this. He complains about it constantly.

When my nephew needed new shoes, she asked him to split the cost of new shoes with her. He said no and to use the $100. She said the $100 was for monthly expenses, not large purchases. She also threatened to take him back to court. His lawyer advised him to just pay half for the shoes.

Ever since then he brings the child support up every drat day. I told him a few times it was getting old, but yesterday I lost it. I said "dude, shut the gently caress up about your child support. Shut the gently caress up. We are all so sick of hearing about this, goddamn!"

My brother said I am a rude rear end in a top hat. I think I can only listen to the same thing so many times before I get sick of hearing about it. It's $100. He spends more than that a month on stupid poo poo. It's not like he has cancer or it's $700. Then I would be more sympathetic. Am I rude and an rear end in a top hat?

ad090 posted:

AITA for trying to get my daughter to switch schools?

Midnight Voyager posted:

Baronjutter posted:

American stories with teens having cars to drive to school, or parents having to drive kids to multiple schools/hobbies always rattle me. Like, I just can't imagine such an expensive or hellish existence of kids not being able to walk like 1km tops to their school on safe pleasant streets, or take a city bus or something. Why did you guys engineer such a nightmare civilization where you're utterly dependent on cars for everything?

Foo Diddley posted:

write down your guess for how much, then see how close you were

AITA for telling my brother to shut the gently caress up about his child support?

Baronjutter posted:

American stories with teens having cars to drive to school, or parents having to drive kids to multiple schools/hobbies always rattle me. Like, I just can't imagine such an expensive or hellish existence of kids not being able to walk like 1km tops to their school on safe pleasant streets, or take a city bus or something. Why did you guys engineer such a nightmare civilization where you're utterly dependent on cars for everything?

Mx. posted:

AITA for sharing the private conversation I had with my friend leading to her losing friends?

Cerekk posted:

BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

they're wrong about that but i think they're right on the money about 6 figgy people being more predisposed to BS because every time we get a story here where money is involved at all at least one person involved apparently makes six figures.

quote:

(Sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes English isn’t my first language)

So I (27f) got my beautiful gsd puppy off a reputable breeder “Richard” nearly a year ago, in the advertisement for the pups he put that there would be “breeding restrictions” no clue what that meant I wasn’t buying her to breed her I just wanted a companion as I live alone,

I told Richard that both when I meet him and over text before hand, I then met the mother with the pup, he said that it was totally up to me if I breed her or not he just put that in the advertisement as they are kennel club registered and wanted to keep it that way if the pups were bred when older to keep it “pure” I told him ok, found that a bit weird but I had fallen in love with her and wanted her so I paid for her and we left together as she was old enough to leave with her puppy pack,

It’s been nearly a year now and she due to come into her first season any time now according to the vets, so I have booked her in to be spayed the end of this month, I then get a text off of Richard to say that I’ll be able to breed her soon and he’s got the perfect sire for the pups, I replied saying that I already told him I won’t be breeding her and that she’s booked in to be spayed soon before she’s had her first season,

He was not happy with that and told me that we agreed before I bought her that he would choose who would sire her pups, I said no we never agreed on that I don’t ever want to breed her as she is just a companion for me and don’t want to breed her, his reply was that he had already paid his friend for his dog to sire my dogs pups so I had to go through with it now, I told him that wasn’t my problem and to go tell his firmed it wasn’t happening and get the money back from his friend or go to the other people who bought pups off him as she wasn’t ever going to be bred,

His response I can’t put here but it was very colourful with the words he used, he must have given my number to his friend who was also very awful with his texts, I told them both to leave me alone and she wasn’t ever going to be bred and they wouldn’t change my mind and that it wasn’t up to him what I do with my dog,

he just called me an f***ing AH and hasn’t responded since I spoke to a friend of mine who has bought a pup off Richard before and said that he would have just bred her to keep him happy and he would take one of the pups as compensation for getting the sire, I said to him as well that it wasn’t up to him what I do with my dog and if he wanted that why not keep the pup himself to do that rather then sell her to then try and force her to be bred and at such a young age as well he doesn’t have a say what so ever in what happens to the dogs once they have been sold,

I have blocked both Richard and his friend on everything so they can no longer get a hold of me and I have distanced myself from my “friend” as well,

So Reddit AITAH for this?

Edit: First off thank you all so much for the responses and as there’s so many I can’t reply to you all so, as a few people have asked there was nothing in the any of my paperwork that I have for her that says anything about breeding rights or anything about breeding in it at all, I have her KC paperwork with the KC name on it as well as her lineage and have all the evidence needed, I have blocked his number and his friends number and if they do get in contact with me again I will be contacting the local police, she is also chipped and I have all her vet paperwork as well I have also contact the kennel club site I used to find him and informed them of the past events with all the evidence and they are looking into it his profile has been removed from the site whilst they look at everything, he also doesn’t know where I live thankfully but I also have an electric gate that I can open from inside the house with a camera to see who is there so not anyone can just walk up to my front door,

quote:

Hi there! I'm a 22(m) dude with a problem. My younger cousin, Paul(21m) is a total poo poo head that the family is mostly in denial about. He leeches off his family and makes them spend money that they really shouldn't be spending on luxury items to fit in better with his rich friends. He's an alcoholic and has shown up shitfaced to basically every family gathering since he was 17. And ever since we were young, I've basically been his punching bag.



My grandmother has tried to call out that he's incredibly irresponsible for his age(all of his writing assignments for college are being done by his older sister and dad, he's stolen money multiple times for stupid video game poo poo etc,), with the main excuse being that he's "figuring things out".

I have no desire to reconcile with him, he's been a dick to me my whole life. The entire family just seems to assume he'll eventually become not an asswipe, but i've been hearing that for decades.

So for years, after trying and failing to stand up for myself, I just sort of caved and took it. I disassociated at every family gathering, tried to leave, failed, and got shat on. Until a miracle happened.

I came out as gay.

See: turns out Paul is painfully homophobic. I had only kinda discerned this. We had a trans family friend as well who recently died and he was incredibly rude during the dinner after the funeral, deadnaming etc. I just sorta assumed it'd be another thing I'd get shat on for.

Until I brought my boyfriend to one of our family gatherings. Paul, mysteriously, just straight up avoids me. For the first time ever, I have a holiday where I am left alone by him. And I LOVE IT. I start too notice that whenever my partner isn't in my proximity, he feels comfortable attempting to start poo poo. However, if my boyfriend is around, or if we show any degree of affection, he gets visibly disgusted and distances himself.



After testing this a few times, I found out it worked like a charm. My partner was overjoyed he could help me, and i got to actually have a great time with the rest of my family as well. Paul just stuck with other family members who weren't in the same room as me. Since then I've used this tactic to basically every family gathering, me and the boyf think it's funny and he just avoids us.

My older cousin,his sister, Alexa called me recently. He was complaining to her about it and she thought the whole thing was hilarious. I appreciated this until my sister found out. She said it's unfair of me to weaponize my sexuality this way, and that making him uncomfortable like this is really is no better then how he's treated me.Alexa and I argued that he's been doing the same to me for years, it isn't hurting him, and it's made family gatherings actually fun to go to. She's incredibly angry about this and is threatening too tell him that it's intentional. I legitimately do not care if she does, but I worry a bit that I'm enjoying this a bit too much.

Baronjutter posted:

American stories with teens having cars to drive to school, or parents having to drive kids to multiple schools/hobbies always rattle me. Like, I just can't imagine such an expensive or hellish existence of kids not being able to walk like 1km tops to their school on safe pleasant streets, or take a city bus or something. Why did you guys engineer such a nightmare civilization where you're utterly dependent on cars for everything?

Foo Diddley posted:

write down your guess for how much, then see how close you were

AITA for telling my brother to shut the gently caress up about his child support?

quote:

So I saw a hack online where you turn your babies old onesies into a T-shirt & bib when they outgrow them by cutting them at the bottom. I (26F) thought it was genius so I did exactly that with my babies onesies that they recently outgrew… fast forward a few days later & my pregnant sister in law (35F) messages me on Instagram (I posted a story showing & informing others of the hack) … I’ll copy & paste her message “Hi there and also wtf!?? Why would you mutilate your babies old clothes instead of going to the store & buying new ones like a normal person? I know you didn’t grow up with family but traditionally someone with a baby with hand down the old clothes to the next family member in need??? You know I’m due in 6 weeks so how could you be so inconsiderate & just disregard me?? Forget about coming to the christening!!” …she’s right, I didn’t grow up with family, so maybe I’m in the wrong & this is an unspoken rule… but I don’t understand why she never mentioned this to me. I donated his earlier outgrown things to a second hand shop… her & her husband are very boujee so it never occurred to me they would want/need my sons hand me downs. Her husband even got a new car recently so I know they’re not struggling financially. I feel guilty but also a bit annoyed because I think she’s overreacting not wanting me at the christening. AITA???

Edit: some of you said she might be lying about her financial situation, I assure you she’s not… her house is four times bigger than ours with a private pool (both my husband & I earn a lot of money but prefer a smaller house), she has two older children who are 12 & 15 that always have the best of everything… latest iPhone/Apple Watch/AirPods… expensive sneakers, new clothes etc. she also has her own car so her husband didn’t go into debt getting his new one. & they both vacation to tropical destinations multiple times per year. So I’m not assuming she’s too boujee for my sons hand me downs… she just is boujee & I never considered that she would want them.

Update: so she finally responded to my husband’s angry text telling her that even though he’s the godfather, neither of us would be showing our faces if I’m not welcome. She called him & cussed him out at first then started crying saying it’s the hormones & of course we are both welcome. He said that’s not good enough & she owes me an apology. She begrudgingly agreed & when he handed me the phone she said “I had no right to speak to you that way. You know how pregnancy can be, I was stressed & took it out on you. Please don’t be the reason my brother doesn’t show up for his godchild’s big day” …I responded “okay, let’s try to put this behind us. But moving forward, please just ask next time you need something & I’ll be happy to help!”

& here’s a link to the hack:

https://www.hellowonderful.co/post/recycle-baby-clothes/

MagusofStars posted:

The primary reason kids don't walk anywhere is that every suburban house needs a fenced yard. So you can generally assume that the distance between any two points (e.g., home and school) is at least double what it should be, typically requiring you to go a fair bit out of your way to actually get to main roads (which themselves might link together in awkward ways).

Arsenic Lupin posted:

HOAs often forbid fenced yards, and a lot of suburban houses are in HOAs. In any case, the much bigger problem is how many suburbs don't have sidewalks at all, and then feed into major roads that also don't have sidewalks and/or aren't safe to cross. Suburban neighborhoods are designed to drive into, not to walk out from.

Extra Large Marge posted:

The true winner of Monopoly is whoever gets to play as the racecar

MagusofStars posted:

The primary reason kids don't walk anywhere is that every suburban house needs a fenced yard. So you can generally assume that the distance between any two points (e.g., home and school) is at least double what it should be, typically requiring you to go a fair bit out of your way to actually get to main roads (which themselves might link together in awkward ways).

The secondary reason is that decades of media hype/panic about abducted children makes a lot of suburbanites super paranoid about having their kids walk anywhere, envisioning hordes of kidnappers in vans just driving around the streets ready to snatch any kid walking alone to school.

BrigadierSensible posted:

gently caress the race car.

We had an "Australian themed" Monopoly and you could be a Koala. And all the streets were streets from the Capital cities. It was cool. (Until my brother ate the Koala, and we were all stuck being the Thimble, or the Top Hat or some other bullshit thing.

Cerekk posted:

20 years ago kids all walked to the bus stop through the exact same neighborhoods that parents drive their kids to the bus stop today. The walkability of the neighborhoods didn't change, the cultural attitude around whether it's ok to let your kid be unattended for five minutes did.

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Yup, guessed right. That's what, ten bananas?

quote:

Me (48 y/o f) and husband have been married for over 25 years. The last few years we’ve been living on my FIL property. Almost every time my brother in law comes over he feels the need to not only piss in my yard but seems to go out of his way to whip it out in front of me. I think he gets some joy out of my discomfort. I also think he feels entitled since it’s technically HIS father’s property. Although thinking back on it he did this at our old home too. This has become an ongoing (now serious) fight between my husband and I. As it clearly , in my view, shows a complete lack of respect for me and my space. Although I have clearly stated to my husband and his brother that I find this act to be not only disgusting but completely rude, he refuses to respect my feelings and stop. My husband tells me there’s nothing he can do if his brother won’t listen and my brother in law insists, “it’s a guy thing”. Am I over reacting? Is it really just “a guy” thing and I should get used to the piss puddles? Help! 😩

alexandriao posted:

A bunch of organic fair trade bananas is like £2.50 at most. Where the hell do u live lmao holy poo poo

alexandriao posted:

A bunch of organic fair trade bananas is like £2.50 at most. Where the hell do u live lmao holy poo poo

the holy poopacy posted:

You're not wrong, but they did also make a bunch of newer, more remote, less walkable neighborhoods too. Which in some areas are disproportionately where child-rearing families are concentrated (this may contribute to parent paranoia in older neighborhoods, since they're not as full of kids anymore.)

alexandriao posted:

This + the fact that drivers attitudes and vehicles changed.

Like, in the 90s you didn't get people driving SUVs with bonnets so high a ten year old could hide under it while standing at full height, or SUVs that if you accidentally swerve you can go on and off the curb as if it's nothing.

alexandriao posted:

^^^^

poo poo lol i remember now

This + the fact that drivers attitudes and vehicles changed.

Like, in the 90s you didn't get people driving SUVs with bonnets so high a ten year old could hide under it while standing at full height, or SUVs that if you accidentally swerve you can go on and off the curb as if it's nothing.

I don't drive and I'd be loving terrified of being a pedestrian in America. Over here it's entirely normal to just (do a calculated) walk out in front of cars in the city and expect them to stop, the concept of "jaywalking" doesn't exist, and while the Highway Code no longer explicitly gives pedestrians the Right Of Way at all times, it implicitly gives them the right of way through the fact that a soft squishy human being pulped by tonnes of fast moving steel is a manslaughter or murder charge.

FMguru posted:

LOL, good one OP.

AITA for asking my sister if she’s had enough attention?

Imagine being so boring that you make not telling people a name that you picked out the entirety of your personality for months at a time.

Cowslips Warren posted:

Where the hell are you where $100 is loving child support, the 1950's?

Midnight Voyager posted:

I lived a half hour drive away from my school and there's no sidewalks in any direction. Nobody is going to walk to school from where I am no matter the paranoia/fencing.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Who Framed Roger Rabbit? was a documentary.