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Jim arranges for Michael to start a sexual relationship with Pam’s mom so Dwight feels slighted that Michael wasn’t interested in his (Dwight’s) mother.
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Jul 25, 2023 19:55
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 06:12 |
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Jim mortgages his house to buy a Lamborghini. He plans to challenge Dwight to a street race and the spit in his face when he wins. Unfortunately for Jim, he has no idea how to drive a Lamborghini, and immediately after leaving the dealers lot drives the car directly into a wall. The ensuing fire claims three more lives.
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Jul 25, 2023 19:56
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Jim convinces Elon Musk to rebrand Dunder Mifflin as D: The Everything Company. As a consequence, Angela’s playful nickname for Dwight - D - takes on a new, sinister meaning.
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Jul 25, 2023 19:58
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Dwight arrives at Jim and Pam’s wedding convinced he is a bridesmaid
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Jul 25, 2023 20:30
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Pam doesn’t show up to her own wedding (she decided to take a ride on the maid of the mist through Niagara Falls instead), so Jim grabs Dwight out of the bridesmaid lineup (deliberately shoulder checking the bridesmaid he seduced the night before) and drags Dwight up to the altar. “Always the bridesmaid, now you’re the the bride; am I right buddy?” asks Jim while the priest begins to read the wedding rites. When Angela starts to object, Jim calls her “woke” for trying to stop gay marriage. Dwight and Jim honeymoon in Vegas.
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Jul 25, 2023 21:11
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Listened to Office Ladies podcast today and it was pretty funny to hear both Jenna Fischer (Pam) and Angela Kinsey (Angela) agree that, in the last seasons of the show, Jim had gone from Office Underdog to Smug rear end in a top hat. “We still don’t know what the deal was with all the clown paper and Mars Needs Moms references? Guess the writers were smoking some strong stuff.”
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Jul 26, 2023 03:08
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Jim travels back in time to the American Civil War and turns the historic Schrute Farm into the headquarters of the “Gay Underground Railroad.”
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Jul 26, 2023 03:16
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Jim travels back to the Alamo and says he'll send reinforcements for Davy Crockett if he gives him his coonskin hat. He agrees and Jim comes back to his time wearing it without explanation for the whole day, everyone just ignores him. Dwight notices some anachronisms throughout the day and eventually starts looking up coonskin hats. He finds out Davy Crockett couldn't be identified among the casualties due to his missing iconic hat. Dwight puts on a headband just in case. Jim smirks.
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Jul 26, 2023 03:40
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Jim buries two skeletons under Schrute Farms, which Dwight accidentally unearths while he's plowing his beet field. Scientists believe them to be a new missing link in the evolutionary chain - two male bipedal skeletons embracing each other in the moments of their death. "Jeez, Adam and Steve over here," Jim says with a sly grin. "I guess it's pretty appropriate you were plowing your gay fruit field when this happened, huh?" Dwight is about to correct Jim that beets aren't fruits when his phone begins to ring. He answers and greets one of the scientists working at Schrute Farms. "Dwight, it's incredible. These skeletons are ancient, sure, but they have some things only modern man could possibly have. One skeleton has multiple false teeth and its remaining teeth are littered with cavities." Dwight looks over at Jim, who's shoving a large wad of cotton candy in his mouth. His voice quivering, Dwight asks which skeleton that is. "Well, we've started calling him Floppy, on account of how he looks. The really tall one with the unusually long limbs. The other one, Moonface, is in much better condition but has apparently had some sort of... repeated trauma to the crotch." Dwight feels the world fall away behind him as Jim, still shoving cotton candy down his gullet, mugs at him.
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Jul 26, 2023 13:05
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Jim debuts his new persona “Thug Jim”, a vaguely racist pastiche of Tupac and Lawrence Fishburne’s character in “Deep Cover”. Shrouded in marijuana smoke, a shirtless Jim (with Prank Life tattooed across his stomach) horrifies his office mates with his pasty, emaciated frame. Between hacking coughs he tries to intimidate Dwight into “giving up his corner” but is defeated by his poor lung health.
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Jul 26, 2023 13:56
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Jim starts hiding in Dwight's refrigerator and popping out when Dwight least suspects it. After a week of this, Dwight suspects Jim every time, so Jim stops popping out. With a smile, Dwight grabs a stick of butter from the fridge and heads for the breadbox for a piece of cinnamon raisin bread. Little does he know that Jim lurks within the breadbox, mugging all the while.
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Jul 26, 2023 15:51
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Jim starts hiding in Dwight's refrigerator and popping out when Dwight least suspects it. After a week of this, Dwight suspects Jim every time, so Jim stops popping out. A week later Jim's mugging corpse spoils all of Dwight's food.
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Jul 26, 2023 16:10
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Dwight is laying on his deathbed, surrounded by his huge loving family, community leaders, several current and former world leaders and heads of state, the holy men of various religions, and a wide variety of friends and coworkers. He’s lived a long, fruitful life, but Dwight’s contentment is shaded, just a little, by the thought that he could have done more. Maybe he could’ve finished building that eighth orphanage if it hadn’t been for the unexpected expense of rebuilding the third after the Squeaky Shoe Fire of 2020. Perhaps he might have been able to rescue more unhoused persons during the heat wave in 2023 if he hadn’t been laid up in the hospital all summer with a debilitating groin injury. Maybe in 2026 he could have finalized the full transition of Pennsylvania to renewable energies. But instead he spent the entire year nursing Jim back to health after what eventually was revealed to be a prank gone wrong. Dwight sighs. His vision is dimming. He wishes, in his final moments, that he had been able to break Jim of that pranking habit. But he never did. And ultimately, it ended up costing Jim his life. Perhaps Dwight’s biggest failure. Those pranks ruined Jim’s life, and his family’s lives, and hurt so many people. If only he’d been able to reach Jim, to convince him to somehow break free of that crippling addiction. “You’ll get your chance, buddy.” Dwight blinks. It’s so dark, but there is a tunnel of light approaching him. And in the middle there appears to be a man, extending a hand out. It gets closer. The shape appears… floppy. “You know what they say; walk a mile in my squeaky shoes, am I right?” The tunnel begins to recede. The feeing of calm and peace fades away. Dwight suddenly starts to feel… pain? He is disoriented for a moment, then blinded by a bright light. “Congratulations, Mister Halpert! It’s a boy!” “Wonderful; we will name him… James.”
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Jul 26, 2023 16:22
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Jim replaces Dwight’s heart medication with Viagra.
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Jul 26, 2023 17:01
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Upgrade posted:Jim replaces Dwight’s heart medication with Viagra. Meredith has to be taken to the hospital. 
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Jul 26, 2023 17:26
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Jim gets one of his brothers hired as a janitor at Dunder Mifflin, hoping to have more chances to prank Dwight. His brother, however, has different plans. “Jim, please, I need this job. Cindy left me, my child support payments are killing me, and now my water heater started to leak. I can’t be loving around all night with pranks.” Jim pulls out a knife and lays it across his own neck. He stares, emotionlessly, at his brother as a single drop of blood drips down his neck where the tip of the blade has poked through. “I’ll do it. And you’ll be blamed. You know why? Because you’re the loving janitor and I’m a salesman. Why would a salesman kill himself, that’d be too bizarre. But a poor janitor? A janitor who’s desperate for cash? Oh, he’d kill. Those type always do. The… lower class. Do you know why Cindy left? Because she heard me talking about Pam and how much I love her. How, from day one, I never wanted to be with anyone but her. And Cindy realized she never felt that for you, brother dear. Isn’t it funny how easily I can manipulate your life, just through simple lies? And yet I put on the face of a normal man, I slip into that loving DISGUISE and everyone believes me. I just smile away and play my part and all the ingrates and peons out there fall for it hook, line, and sinker. I wonder, dear brother, if I could push Cindy further. Tell her you were cheating. Tell her you were looking at pictures online. Maybe some of the pictures seemed… illegal. Do you understand me now? Are we on the same page? Good. I’m glad.” Jim’s brother, tears in his eyes, follows Jim’s wicked instructions that night. The next day Dwight finds his desk has been moved 3 cm to the left. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Jul 27, 2023 03:35
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jim books dwight into being the main speaker at both a ophthalmologist convention and a proctologist convention. dwight gets pink eye.
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Jul 27, 2023 04:32
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jim books dwight at both a red convention and brown convention. dwight gets marooned.
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Jul 27, 2023 04:33
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Jim books Dwight's farm as a venue for both a Republican and Democrat's convention. Dwight feels obligated to honor the contract. For the rest of the 2024 election cycle he is harassed by both red and blue Scrantonites and can't show his face anymore in Scranton.
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Jul 27, 2023 11:01
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Jim surgically removes Dwight's cock and balls so that now he (Dwight) sports a Ken crotch. Jim mugs to the camera. He no longer needs to be in Dwight's presence in order to kick him in the nutsack.
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Jul 27, 2023 13:14
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Jim invents perfect cloning technology that could revolutionize medicine and grant functional immortality to a huge number of people. Instead, he uses it to clone thousands of perfect replicas of Dwight’s genitalia, which he keeps hanging around the walls of his house and Prankatorium (basement), so that he can kick Dwight in the balls whenever he walks around.
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Jul 27, 2023 13:20
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"So John, a heh heh heh, this new movie Oppenheimer. Wow," Jimmy Fallon is barely able to contain his giggles as he shifts in his seat and interviews his guest. "That's some heavy stuff. And your wife, uh, Emily Blunt is in this." "She sure is, Jimmy. But can we talk about -" "Wow, it's just... I didn't know any of this stuff! We built this bomb? That's wild, heh heh heh, that's wild stuff we were doing back then. And then Iron Man was back there? Like.... WOAH!" "Well, as I was saying, I'm working on this new movie about -" "BOOOM! And Emily, she's like.. SUPER HOT in this movie, wow. Do we have a clip? Can we roll a clip?" After a disastrous interview, John Krasinski is driven to the airport. He sits, silently fuming, in the back of his limousine. He considers texting Jimmy Fallon's producers to complain. He was booked for a single segment and they didn't even ask him one question about his upcoming film. It was all about Emily and HER movie. John didn't even like it, he could barely keep his eyes open. BO-RING! John looks at his reflection in the window and smiles, it's all going to be okay. He's still on top of the world. That night, Jimmy Fallon is awoken from a deep sleep by a loud crash. He carefully walks downstairs, where he sees a darkened figure standing in his kitchen. Nervously giggling, Fallon approaches the figure after grabbing a kitchen knife to defend himself. "Heh heh - hello? Wait a minute, what are you doing here?" The figure leaps at Fallon and knocks him to the ground, quickly kneeling on his chest and raining a series of clubbing blows against his head. Jimmy Fallon yells for help but it's no use, he's already doomed. The figure places one hand over Jimmy's mouth and uses the other to pinch his nose closed. Jimmy Fallon is silenced forever soon after. The next day, John Krasinski wakes up and turns on the news. The top story is the death of Jimmy Fallon, found murdered inside his home. Strangely, his body was found sealed in gelatin. "Jesus, please not again. Please." Krasinski turns off the TV and sees himself reflected in the blank screen. His reflection mugs at him.
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Jul 27, 2023 13:44
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Jim “soups up” Dwight’s shower so it sprays scalding hot chicken noodle soup instead of water. Dwight is horribly burnt but intrigued - where is the soup coming from? He follows the pipes through his house and discovers that they’re not even hooked up to anything, Jim has apparently created some kind of perpetual soup machine in Dwight’s plumbing. Realizing he’s solved world hunger (as long as you like chicken noodle soup) Dwight begins to fill up barrel after barrel in his shower. When Jim gets wind of this he stops the soup from flowing. Dwight, tears in his eyes, begs for Jim to restart the endless flow of soupy nourishment. “Sorry, but NO SOUP FOR YOU!!” Jim says before mugging.
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Jul 28, 2023 11:08
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Dwight can't fall asleep. Again. He lies awake in his bed listening to the loud squeaks coming from the attic directly above his bed. The squeaky shoe machine is at it. Again. This has been going on for weeks now and Dwight's patience is growing thin. He goes up to the and intends to catch and disable the machine. He covers behind a large chest and catches a peak at the squeaky shoe machine as it walks (?) in a circle precisely above Dwight's bedroom. The two legs (?) of the machine rotate around a central hub. Each step (?) is much louder than it should be possible given its light frame and small size of about 50cm. As the machine is closest to the chest Dwight jumps out and manages to catch it and lift it off the ground. To his surprise Dwight can't find a battery or a gas tank or any energy storage at all. The squeaky shoe machine continues to rotate. Dwight then realises what he has in his hands: the fulfillment of the world's energy needs, a perpetuum mobile. He begins to hook the machine up to a generator and begins to export electricity. When Jim gets wind of this he stops the machine from squeaking. Dwight, tears in his eyes, begs for Jim to restart the endless rotation of squeaky energy. “Sorry, but NO SQUEAK FOR YOU!!” Jim says before mugging.
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Jul 28, 2023 16:34
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Jim gets blasted on clown gas and orders thousands of dollars in live crabs. The next morning a furious Pam stands surrounded by crates filled with crabs and demands an explanation. Jim, hungover and stumbling over his words, haltingly described a prank involving a crab snipping Dwight’s nose off.
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Jul 28, 2023 16:48
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Finish the following sentence: “Jim “goes HAM” on Dwight by..” a) … whacking him on the head with a pork butt. b) … filling his desk with lunch meat. c) … placing a live pig dressed in Dwight’s clothes on his chair. d) (Write in your own answer)
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Jul 29, 2023 05:29
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Replacing all of the sounds on Dwight's desk phone, computer and cell phone with pig squeals. The orgasm kind.
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Jul 29, 2023 05:46
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Surgically altering his own nose to look like a pig snout, and oinking disturbingly every time Dwight does something wrong like drop a pencil or splash some coffee.
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Jul 29, 2023 11:14
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... exchanging the power outlets in Dwight's house with pig snouts.
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Jul 29, 2023 11:46
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Gatto Grigio posted:Finish the following sentence: “Jim “goes HAM” on Dwight by..” E) all of the above
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Jul 29, 2023 15:47
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During the more experimental eighteenth season of The Office, the show creators tried to something new. They wanted to air an entire in-universe episode of An American Workplace, but the results were so disturbing that it never aired, and a hastily-constructed clip show was aired instead. Jim, nervous and fidgeting in his ultra-formal, all-white tuxedo (complete with top hat and tails), frets about the office. He badgers his coworkers one last time, to make sure everything is perfect. "It has to be just right," says Jim, "everything has to be perfect!" He pulls a small box out of his pocket and opens it for the umpteenth time, revealing a large engagement ring. "Remind me one more time, why you want to propose to Pam in the place where both of you work and spend most of your day?" asks Stanley. "This is where it all happens!" replies Jim, shaking with nervous energy, "My life revolves around this office, and it makes sense that I would only date, marry, and spend my free time with other people here! It's been that way for decades, and obviously, we need to get engaged here. We're going to have our wedding ceremony here!" "Where is Pam?" asks Micheal, impatiently glancing back into his office as he hears another phone call go to voicemail, "We've been waiting to hop out and surprise her for almost an hour." "She'll be back soon. She's just down checking the paper stock inventory with Roy, in the back room of the warehouse. It always takes them two hours or so." Kevin slowly turns things over his head. "Jim? Wasn't Pam once engaged to Roy?" Jim rushes back, now frantic, and practically screams at Kevin: "No! Everything is perfect! It's always been Jim and Pam! Pam and Jim!" Kevin is about to speak more, but Jim pulls out a book and starts flipping through the pages at frenetic speed. The camera snap-zooms in to reveal the cover Mass Hypnosis and Alternative Memory. The boom operator, Brian, runs forward into frame shouting. "Wait a minute, Jim! Stop!" Jim turns and pulls out a bright, almost eerily glowing green gem. "No, you stop!" shouts Jim, and Brian freezes. "Everyone, back to your places!" Dutifully, Brian and Kevin stop speaking, and shuffle back to their places. Dwight shakes his head. "But... but you already married Pam. Then she left you a few years ago. How... how did we all forget that John already married Pam?" John freezes. "What did you call me?" John starts running around, flapping his hands in worry. "Oh man, oh man, not again, not again..." Dwight turns and looks directly at the camera. "You. Who are you? Wait a minute, why are we on a soundstage of an office? Where are we?" John runs over to Rainn and starts chanting some words directly from his book at him. "John, what are you doing? I need to go. I have an interview with Bill Maher later today in Pasadena. Traffic is going to be terrible." "No, Rainn, stop! I've almost got it right! Everything was almost perfect! Stop!" John Krasinski starts screaming bizarre hypnosis chants, which sound almost like Latin, holding his gem aloft and bathing the entire floor in a demonic green light. "In Satanem, per Astra, ad Infernis.." tears start flowing down John's face. Suddenly, Pam bursts in, her arms around Roy's waist, the two of them giggling and flushed, until they see the scene and freeze. "drat it, Dwight! You ruined it again! Again!" John's eyes begin to glow with a red light that bursts out of his skin, tearing him apart as the veil between worlds collapses. Another universe of pranking has been lost to Cosmic Jim forever due to the interference of Dwight. Cosmic Jim turns in his eternal slumber and frowns; soon he will awaken to deal with Dwight once and for all. As John Krasinski is literally torn to shreds and thousands of Tiny Jims explode out of him like miniature demons to run screaming, biting and stabbing the camera crew, the set erupts in pandemonium. The clip show that was aired instead features a frame story where Andy bumps his head trying to serenade Erin, and she helps him remember various events from the last several years.
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Jul 29, 2023 17:02
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https://youtube.com/shorts/vVTa1_hm4n4?feature=share
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Jul 29, 2023 18:56
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Goldenface kills Michael Scarn and humps his dead wife.
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Jul 29, 2023 23:44
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“Best prank ever,” Jim says as he stares at the camera and jerks himself off.
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Jul 30, 2023 00:35
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Dwight and Angela are on vacation at an undisclosed location (the only way they can escape Jim for a week) when the hotel room phone rings. Dwight cautiously picks it up. “Hey, it’s Jim. You forgot me back in Scranton. Don’t worry, though, I’m on my way!” Dwight yelps in horror and slams down the phone receiver. A few moments later it rings again. “Hey, it’s Jim! I’m at the train station, I’ll see you soon!” Feeling completely uneasy, Dwight unplugs the phone and tells Angela to start packing. His cell phone begins to buzz and he opens it, more out of habit than anything else. “Hello, Jim here. I’m coming down the street, do you miss me?” Dwight shuts his phone off and tells Angela they need to get out of there right now. He decides to warn the hotel staff, however, and plugs the room phone back in. But as he’s about to dial the front desk, a voice clicks onto the line. “It’s Jim. I’m right outside your hotel now. Do you see me?” Dwight hangs up the phone and unplugs it again. Shaking with terror, he cautiously heads to the hotel window and peers outside, half expecting Jim’s face to be pressed up against the glass. But there’s no sign of Jim anywhere, and Dwight begins to think maybe this is the whole prank. Then Angela’s phone rings and she answers it. “Jim here. I’m in the room right now. Do you see me yet?”
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Jul 30, 2023 03:55
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A Fancy Hat posted:Dwight and Angela are on vacation at an undisclosed location (the only way they can escape Jim for a week) when the hotel room phone rings. Dwight cautiously picks it up. "Of course you don't", Jim voices booms from somewhere in the room , "I'm wearing nothing except my invisible paint!" Dwight then feels a kick on his groin. Jim mugs to the security camera, but he's invisible.
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Jul 30, 2023 04:08
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Jim uses his expertise in cruel sciences to genetically engineer Dwight into a centaur. "Hey, Dwight..." Jim mugs. "Why the long face." "You gave me a horse's body, not a horse's face, Jim," he corrects Jim. "I guess that's only fitting since I have to sit next to a horse's rear end all day long..." "You don't sit, though, do you. You have to use that standing desk all day, right?" Jim raises and lowers his chair in mockery of Dwight. "You know, it might be possible to change you back, Dwight. Ask me nicely and I might do it..." Dwight swallows his pride and begs Jim to revert him back to his old body. Jim strokes his chin and thinks about it for a moment. "I guess I'd have to say 'neigh' to that..." Jim mugs at the camera.
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Jul 30, 2023 04:19
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jim takes out a loan and opens a new office of the future right across the street from dwight's building. his stanley is sassier, his philis is more of a horny weirdo, his angela is more religious. his creed actually is the scranton strangler. the camera crew starts to spend more and more time at the better office and dwight spends ridiculous amounts of time and money on bigger and bigger stunts trying to get them back. his scheming and plotting and failed schemes are cinema gold but no one is around to film it. at the better office new phyllis gives a talking head, "i just think a handjob at 30,000 feet is hot"
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Jul 30, 2023 04:30
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The Awesomesaurus posted:“Best prank ever,” Jim says as he stares at the camera and jerks himself off. Although having Jim masturbating in the background of every single photo ruins Dwight's entire set of wedding pictures, it's still, on the whole, better than having him run free to prank the wedding.
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Jul 30, 2023 04:57
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 06:12 |
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Jim sacrifices Dwight in order to ensure Scranton has a bountiful harvest next year. However, the crops soon begin to wither and die and the village elder realizes the soil has gone sour. He asks Jim if Dwight was actually a virgin. “Yeah, I mean, he had to be. Just look at the guy!” Jim mugs for the camera but later admits to himself that perhaps Dwight truly did gently caress.
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Jul 30, 2023 15:39
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