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Jim, Dwight, and Andy are in a hotel room preparing for a sales conference when the lights turn out. The room is plunged into darkness and a gunshot rings out. The lights then turn on and only Andy and Dwight are left standing. Jim lays on the ground, blood pooling under him, a gunshot through the head. “Well,” Andy says with a frown, “ain’t this a head scratcher. A regular ol’ Sherlock Holmes mystery, cor blimey it is, innit guv’nor? No, but seriously, Jim is dead.” The police are summoned and left with a bizarre locked room murder case. Only Dwight or Andy could be the killers, but there is no evidence and no motive for either of them. A gun is never found, nor a way they could have shut the lights out. “There is one motive through,” Andy says, “the pranks. Jim pranked the reedeedeetdeet out of Dwight. Me, too, sometimes. One time, I punched a hole in the wall! Yeah, when the anger takes over, I kind of… black out and get violent. Sayyyy, do you think I killed Jim?” Andy is quickly detained and put on trial, but a lack of evidence keeps him from prison. In fact, the mystery of Jim’s death goes unsolved, haunting the detectives involved and both Dwight and Andy. In a talking head segment, Jim reveals that he set it up. “To gently caress with everybody, basically.” Jim mugs for the camera.
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Aug 27, 2023 03:25
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During Andy's murderer trial a man shows up in a hoodie with the hood keeping his face from being seen. He always sits down in the first row and he keeps his eyes fixed on Andy. After a few days Andy notices the strange figure that gazes at him for hours. This increases his already sky high anxiety due to the trial and the possible life sentence almost to the breaking point. Stressed out as he is Andy in turn begins to fix his eyes on the stranger never looking left or right. As the two men stare at each other the hooded figure lights a flashing light under his hood and briefly illuminates his face. "He's not dead! Not dead! Rickadeedoo!", Andy screams and point at the stranger. He kicks and punches at everything and everyone in range. The hooded figure quickly leaves the room before anyone even thinks of catching him. The only thing he leaves behind is a print out of Jim's face. The trial is suspended due to Andy's mental breakdown. After weeks it is decided that Andy is not fit for trial anymore and he is committed to an asylum. For life. In his grave Jim's body seems to be smirking.
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Aug 27, 2023 16:03
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Jim installs a series of hidden cameras in Dwight's house in an effort to discover his deepest and darkest fears. Each night, he goes over the hours of recordings and carefully watches each and every moment, hoping to discover something about Dwight to exploit for further pranks. After nearly 3 weeks of this, however, Jim is at an impasse. He's discovered nothing new about Dwight. No new fears or insecurities. In fact, several times Dwight and Angela talk about "humoring Jim" and allowing some of his pranks to appear more effective than they actually are. Irritated and feeling insecure, Jim decides to break into Dwight's house that night and remove the cameras, lest he continue to be mocked in such a way. As he sneaks into the house, he overhears something that sounds like chanting coming from the kitchen and decides to investigate. Slowly creeping down the stairs, he finds the first floor illuminated by thousands of candles placed on every available surface. Standing in the middle of the kitchen is a nude Dwight. Dwight is holding a sword over his head with an ornate hilt encrusted with gems and carved gold and silver pieces. "The gently caress?" Jim whispers to himself, utterly shocked at the scene. Dwight brings the blade down and slices into something that Jim can't see, something hidden in shadows. Dwight raises the blade again and this time it's covered in blood. The crimson liquid drips down the blade and some of it drops onto Dwight's face, where he greedily licks it up. As he does, Angela emerges from the darkness, wearing a black velvet robe. She kneels before Dwight, holding a candle, as he plunges the blade again into whatever ceremonial sacrifice lays before him. "Oh poo poo," Jim says as his heart begins to race, "oh poo poo oh poo poo oooohhh poo poo." Dwight and Angela are now both hungrily lapping at the blood dripping off the blade as Jim begins to slowly creep back upstairs. As Jim reaches the top stair there's a loud creak of wood and Angela quickly looks up at him. "Who's there?" she says in an angry voice. "Who the hell is up there?" Now desperate, Jim rushes back to the bedroom where he snuck in the window. He can hear the distinct sound of bare feet running up the stairs now. His heart is beating and his hands are covered in sweat and shaking, but Jim makes it to the open window and quickly slips out and slides down the gutter to reach the ground. Running as fast as he can, he rushes to the relative safety of the forest around Schrute farms. He looks back one last time and sees two silhouetted figures looking back at him from the front porch. At work the next day Jim shows up with a crucifix, covered in garlic, and wielding twin wooden stakes. "I'm ready now! No loving vampire is going to drink my blood and turn me into a ghoul, that's for sure!" As Dwight and Angela enter the building, Jim rushes at them, wielding the stakes. Dwight easily knocks him away with a backhand, but Jim gets up again and rushes at them. This time Angela whacks him over the head with her umbrella, knocking him to the ground. "DIE MONSTERS! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD!" Jim uselessly throws a wooden crucifix towards Dwight but it clatters to the ground a few inches in front of Jim thanks to his weak throw. Toby finally steps in and pulls all three of them into the conference room for a meeting. Jim keeps making the sign of the cross and saying the Lord's prayer, telling Toby the whole story of what happened last night. Toby sighs and asks Angela and Dwight if it's true. Angela and Dwight look at each other and sigh. Angela finally speaks. "Yes, Toby, it's true. Everything that Jim saw... actually happened." "I knew it!" Jim screeches as he stands up. "You fiends! You ghouls! When you get to Hell them 'em Jim Halpert sent you!" "WAIT!" Angela adds quickly, "I'm not done. Dwight and I were TRYING to have a romantic dinner of roast beets. We hadn't done dishes in a while so the only thing we had left was that big ceremonial sword Dwight got from Rolf for his birthday. And the 'blood' Jim saw was just dripping beet juice!" Jim pounds his fist against the table for dramatic effect. "If that's true, Angela, then WHY were you both nude?!? It was a drat blood orgy, you were even dressed in a Satanic robe!" Angela and Dwight both blush, and Dwight fidgets in his seat a bit and sighs. Angela finally speaks up again. "We were having sex before and after that meal, Jim. Are you happy? Are you satisfied now?" Jim bursts into laughter. "Oh my god! You guys are into weird sex stuff! PERFECT! That gives me a whole new avenue for pranks! Holy poo poo I should have guessed you guys got nude for sex, loving weirdos! Okay Toby, I think this investigation is over. I declare them GUILTY of being sex weirdos! Hahaha!" Jim happily wanders off back to his desk where his wife (who he hasn't been intimate with in almost a decade now) glares at him. That night, Jim will lay in a racecar bed by himself and watch Mars Needs Moms, hoping to feel something awaken inside of him. It does not and he falls asleep while watching the bonus Director's Commentary and searching for some kind of deeper meaning to his existence. Jim does not know any of this yet, of course, and instead takes out a piece of paper and writes down "DWIGHT AND ANGELA HAVE SEX" next to a list of things he considers prankworthy. This list also includes "DWIGHT DONATES MONEY" and "DWIGHT MERGES AT MERGE POINT WHEN LANES ARE CLOSED". Jim then mugs for the camera as, over his shoulder, Pam is looking up how much Jim's life insurance pays out in the event of a workplace accident.
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Aug 28, 2023 18:35
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Jim fills up Dwight's boat with 230L of gasoline. In a talking head segment, Jim mugs to the camera: "I'm going to enjoy some fireworks this evening".
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Aug 28, 2023 19:21
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Jim brings in a jello that tastes like “your darkest, most forbidden unspoken desires,” and offers it to everyone in the office. Intrigued, Dwight takes a bite; will it taste like a wild, bacchanalia in a moonlit grotto; or maybe a gunpowder warzone of sulphuric and blood; or perhaps some flavor previously unknown to man. He puts the spoon in his mouth. It tastes horrible, having actually just been made of gelatinous human feces.
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Aug 28, 2023 19:30
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Jim manages to pair his Spotify account with the offices intercom and subjects his coworkers to his hideous musical tastes. After six hours of Jims self recorded Minions mix tape (which is quite sexually explicit) Toby jumps out a window.
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Aug 28, 2023 19:36
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Jim starts playing a semi-pornographic game on his phone called “Hyper Minion Sex Collector”. The purpose of the game is to collect as many weirdly sexualized Minions as you can, then set them in battle against other sexy Minions. Jim ends up projecting his screen to Dwight’s computer multiple times a day, so Dwight keeps getting glimpses of Minion taint and rear end.
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Aug 29, 2023 01:44
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Jim opens a new Twitter account under the name “joeygorp85” and relentlessly harasses Dwight’s account because he posted an mild comment criticizing actor John Krasinski’s praise of the CIA. Elon, in his Waluigi costume, weeps because even Jim refuses to call his Tweet an “X”
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Aug 29, 2023 10:29
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From a now-deleted Office Ladies podcast. This episode is considered lost media as it was deleted mere minutes after being posted and users who downloaded the episode found the audio to be extremely corrupted in certain spots. In an even more bizarre turn, multiple podcast apps were updated the day of the episode's release and this update ended up deleting this specific episode. The following is a transcription pieced together from the surviving audio. Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey have both stated that the episode was "accidentally uploaded" and was intended as a sort of Halloween creepypasta. JENNA: I'm Jenna Fischer. ANGELA: And I'm Angela Kinsey. JENNA: We were on The Office together. ANGELA: And we're best friends. JENNA: And now we're doing the ultimate Office rewatch podcast just for you. ANGELA: Each week we will break down an episode of The Office and give exclusive behind the scenes stories that only two people who were there can tell you. JENNA: We're the Office Ladies. Hello, everybody! This is going to be a unique episode, huh? ANGELA: Yeah, sort of a... can we call it a Halloween episode? JENNA: I mean, maybe? This episode is scheduled to come out in October, so we'll go with that. It's all about the weirdest stories from filming the show. ANGELA: Fun! Well, mostly fun. Let's just get into it. A lot of fans ask us about what goes on behind the scenes. And it's a great environment, it's literally... we're a team, we create this show together. Everyone is a professional working at the top of their game to put out the show. But sometimes things go wrong, weird things happen. JENNA: It's like, okay, when I was a kid my grandma had this big mirror in her basement. And sometimes the light would catch it weird and it would look like this face was staring at me. And as a kid this was the scariest thing in the world to me. My grandma would send me downstairs to get the laundry from the dryer and I'd RUN past this mirror, convinced a face was going to pop out and attack me. But as an adult, you know, it's just a trick of the light. ANGELA: Sure. So, long story short, we had a few things like that on The Office. Should I - should I start with the one about John? JENNA: Which one? ANGELA: Oh. I was going to talk about the time we kept seeing his face in the windows everywhere. JENNA: Oh [laughs] yeah I guess that was the big one. ANGELA: What were you going to talk about? JENNA: Well, the time that [inaudible] [The audio here cuts out for several minutes] ANGELA: So it turned out to be a weird trick of the light. Like you know at Disney how the Haunted Mansion has the ghosts floating, but it's just a reflection? The production crew explained how it worked, John wasn't actually leering at us from the windows. JENNA: I know it definitely scared me pretty badly at first. Rainn, too. He took a few days off and he NEVER took days off if it affected the production schedule. ANGELA: Okay, so, how about the phantom squeaks? JENNA: Oh God. That was WEIRD, like, really weird. So for about a month we'd hear these squeaks backstage, like... ANGELA: Like a pair of squeaky shoes! JENNA: Yes! Exactly like that. And it was driving the sound guys crazy because they had to keep filming around it and editing it out. Some of the squeaks even show up on a finished episode and I know they were ticked off about that. And we're all going crazy trying to find the sound. Somebody thinks it's a bird, Brian maybe? ANGELA: Yeah, Brian kept saying it sounded like a bird was loose in the studio and injured. And Oscar thought maybe a pane of glass was getting rubbed by insultation or something. So they check the whole studio and can't find anything, but then John says 'It's just the squeaky shoe machine'. And we all laugh because it sounds so weird, right? But then he gets stone-faced and goes 'stop laughing, it's not a joke'. JENNA: Yeah... yeah he got that far-off look he sometimes got when he was really focused on a scene. [a loud banging noise is heard and both Jenna and Angela let out a scream, there is then an obvious cut in the audio] JENNA: Okay, so, sorry about that. We just had the CRAP scared out of us. ANGELA: Somebody knocked on the door right as we're telling this story. I guess we were more scared than we thought because we kind of overreacted there. JENNA: It was the mailman [laughs]. He had a package I ordered. Normally I try to schedule these recordings pretty late in the day to avoid this, but my mail was running a little late today. So the squeaks, Angela, what ended up happening with them? ANGELA: Oh. Actually, they just kind of stopped. I know that's not a good story but it's what happened. Like how a few episodes had those subliminal messages or whatever? You know, the one frame shots of - JENNA: Angela! We can't... the NDA says you can't talk about - [the audio gets extremely scrambled at this point and neither Angela nor Jenna can be heard. This continues for a few seconds until there is another cut.] UNIDENTIFIED VOICE: Dwight [this voice is not commented on by Angela or Jenna. it is only heard when the original audio is increased in volume significantly] JENNA: And that's our kinda, sorta, Halloween episode! Angela, any last thoughts? UNIDENTIFIED VOICE: Dwight ANGELA: Just that scary things usually have a rational explanation. And even on this giant machine called network TV you get these weird moments. UNIDENTIFIED VOICE: Balloon Boy JENNA: Thanks everyone for joining us! Next week we'll be talking about another classic episode, The Dinner Party! UNIDENTIFIED VOICE: prank ANGELA: Ooooooh, that'll be a fun one! Thanks everyone!
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Aug 29, 2023 14:47
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Dwight is working from home but gets a call from Jim. "Hey, Dwight? Do you mind helping me out with this expense report? I can't seem to figure out this new system at all, man." Sharing his screen with Jim, Dwight carefully walks him through the relatively simple process. Jim is silent for a moment. "Okay, do you mind watching me as I do one? I'm just nervous I'll mess this up." Dwight agrees to this and guides Jim as he (slowly) fills out an expense report. At the end, Jim reaches the comment section. Dwight tells him he doesn't need to add anything there unless he needs to clarify a receipt. "Okay, let me just add one thing here," Jim says as he starts slowly typing away, filling the text box with a simple drawing. ~ _ O o --J- (-----}
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Aug 29, 2023 15:34
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Jim hires a camera crew, complete with cameraman, boom mike operator, and lighting guy, to follow all of his coworkers around at all times while they're in the office. He forges documentation and approvals for filming that indicate the crew is affiliated with a documentary crew that wants to make a film or show covering a typical American office. Michael, who is easily fooled by all of this, assumes that corporate agreed and gets all of the employees to sign waivers and releases. For two decades the camera crew films almost every aspect of these people's lives. There is no documentary; Jim silently watches the dailies every night in his basement, like a quarterback after a long game, watching the footage for signs of weakness, or pranking opportunities that he missed. He's constantly improving, self-criticizing, and honing his skill. After twenty years, he suddenly pauses the footage, walks it back a few frames, then slowly scans it forward again. Jim sinks back in his easy chair, one hand on his head, the other still holding the remote. "Mein Gott. How did I never see it before?" A long silence. "The jello needs to be lime flavored."
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Aug 30, 2023 03:53
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Dwight goes to Jim's rummage sale and sees a grass trimmer that interests him. "So, Jim, do you know how many cycles this is?" "That's not a bike, it's A TRIMMER!" Jim shouts triumphantly, having burned Dwight in front of a bunch of strangers, then proceeds to declare the rummage sale over and everyone needs to leave. Jim then grabs the trimmer from Dwight and starts it up, riding it like a broomstick into the sky while cackling.
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Aug 30, 2023 04:05
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Jim gains a small degree of local fame after being interviewed on the local news for a story about a particularly large pothole. Jim comments that he had "heard of a hole in one before, but a hole in the road?", which got a polite chuckle from the newscasters. Everyone at the office compliments Jim for his 15 minutes of fame, with Dwight adding that Jim "really brought that man-on-the-street vibe to the interview". Jim doesn't prank anyone for 3 days after this. After those 3 days are up, Jim shows up to work with a huge smile on his face. "I've heard of a hole in one before, but a hole in the road?!" Creed coughs but there's no other reaction. Jim repeats himself, significantly louder, but now there's no reaction at all. Frowning, Jim sits down at his desk. "Hey Dwight, remember when I was on the news?" Dwight nods politely but doesn't take his eyes off his computer screen. "Yeah, and then I said 'I've heard of a hole in one before, but a hole in the road?' remember that? A lot of people said I brought a real man-on-the-street vibe to that interview, that's what the gossip mags were saying at least. Remember?" Dwight doesn't react to this at all, hoping Jim will just move on to another topic soon enough. At lunch, Dwight steps outside to grab a sandwich. "Hey, you know what?" Jim says as he follows him, "I think I'll join you. Just in case, you know, there's a news story. I'm practically a part of the news crew now! Just kidding, but wouldn't it be crazy if they asked me to be a reporter? You know, since I did so good last time." Dwight sighs and says Jim's free to join him, he's heading over to the new deli on 5th street. "Oh, awesome, yeah. Hey, can you detour around Channel 6's studio? You know, just in case they're looking for footage of people walking around or whatever." Dwight says he's not doing that as Channel 6's studio is at least 30 minutes away. Jim frowns, looks at his shoes, and then pulls a gun on Dwight. "You don't understand, Dwight. I may have phrased that as a question but it's not a request, it's an order. You will be taking me to Channel 6. Do we understand each other now, moonface?" Dwight nods and slowly gets into the car. He begins driving Jim over to Channel 6 studios on the other side of town. Jim, bizarrely, begins acting as if this is just a normal drive. He starts asking Dwight what he's going to get for lunch, how things are going with Angela, and even talking about the weather. All the while, he has his gun trained on Dwight's midsection. As they get closer to the studio, Dwight realizes that Jim isn't wearing his seatbelt. Dwight carefully heads down a nearly deserted access road, then tells Jim it's a shortcut. "Whatever you say, Balloon Boy. God knows you know how to get around this poo poo town. Not me, buddy. Nah, I have much bigger dreams. Hollywood dreams. I'm practically a celebrity already, why wouldn't they -" While Jim was monologuing Dwight began accelerating as quickly as possible, his powerful car hitting almost 80 mph in just a few seconds. Jim's speech is cut off as Dwight then slams on the brakes, sending Jim careening out of his seat, smashing through the windshield, and crashing to the roadway a few feet away. Jim's scarecrow-like body then bounces and tumbles before crashing into some scrub bushes on the side of the road. Dwight, sweating with fear and filled with adrenaline, releases the wheel and slowly catches his breath. The bushes begin to shake as Jim slowly stands up, his body broken and bleeding. "Jeez, Dwight! I've heard of a hole in one, but a hole in my chest?!" Jim points at his chest, where a tree branch has stabbed him. It's poking out of his back, coated in blood, and Jim waggles his eyebrows and mugs before collapsing to the ground.
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Aug 30, 2023 14:33
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Toby is updating everyone's Dunder Mifflin profiles when he notices something odd - Jim's date of birth is listed as 1946. Assuming this to be an error, Toby calls Jim in and explains the error. "Oh, Toby," Jim says with a stony expression, "I'm sorry. I am so sorry." Toby is "out sick" for the next 3 days and Dwight begins to get worried. Making things worse is the fact that nobody can seem to reach Toby, in fact no one saw him leave the office after his meeting with Jim. Dwight asks Jim what happened. "You know, he definitely looked under the weather. 6 feet under the weather, you might say! No, but seriously, I have no idea. We were discussing my upcoming pay raise, everything went fine, then he said something about needing to head home early. I think he was coming down with something." Dwight mulls this over through the rest of the day, then decides to check on Toby's house. As he drives by he sees that the lights are on, the mail isn't piling up, and everything seems okay. Satisfied, Dwight drives home. Toby STILL isn't back to work a week later, and now Dwight needs something completed by HR, so he heads to Toby's desk to try and find a phone number to call. As he does, he notices that Toby's computer is still on, but the screen was turned off. He turns the screen on and sees Jim's profile is still up. Dwight, like Toby before him, notices the odd date. He does not notice Jim is watching him the whole time. When Dwight gets home that night he begins cooking a delicious beet casserole for dinner. Angela is out with friends, so Dwight has the house to himself. That is, he would, if not for Jim waiting in the living room. "Sit down, Dwight. I know what you saw, let's stop playing this little charade." Dwight complies and sits on the couch. Jim, still in his office attire, begins to pace around the room. He looks nervous. "Dwight, it's time I come clean. I WAS born in 1946. And I was a good ol' Patriotic kid, too, if you can believe it. Even signed up for the military. I figured World War 2 was long over, nobody would want to repeat that, so I'd get to travel the world and help people. So 1965 rolls around, I get station at Camp Holloway in South Vietnam. Now Dwight, you're a smart guy, but how much do you know about the Vietnam War?" Dwight begins explaining the complexities of international politics leading up to the conflict and Jim's eyes start to cross as he loses focus. Jim clears his throat after Dwight reaches the attack on Camp Holloway in 1965. "Okay Dwight, Jesus, no need to show off. Anyway, I was all excited I might get to fly a helicopter. Little did I know, I was going to get blown up by the VC at that camp. Now, you might think that's a tragedy. And it would be. But it's a drat better fate than what happened to me. Because I woke up back on US soil. The problem was, it was now 1983. Turns out, I got blown up REAL good in Vietnam, so much so that it took them almost two decades to put me back together. And some of the parts were missing, you see, so they had to... add some things. They wake me up and tell me that the war's over, but the President needs me for another mission. I'm ready to salute LBJ over here, but they tell me it's Ronald Reagan in charge now. Good ol' Ronny authorized a program, you see, called the Universal Pranker, or UniPra for short. And the deal was, Dwight, that my life now belonged to the United States government. After all, I had 'died' and they were just using what was left behind. I did a lot of dirty work for Uncle Sam over the next 25 years, Balloon Boy. I was in Afghanistan helping build up the Taliban, then back in there decades later helping to take them down. Funny how global politics work, eh? Anyway, as the mid 2000s came upon us there was a little more... scrutiny... on how we did our business. The money for the UniPra program was slashed and George W disavowed all knowledge of us. We were forced out into a world we didn't recognize, Dwight. I spent almost 3 decades killing in the name of the United States. I overthrew governments and now they were telling me I needed a 9 to 5 job? I needed to blend in with society? I have a loving microchip in my brain that tells me everyone's criminal records, blood type, and height and weight when I look at them! I have the reflexes of an Olympic athlete and the strength of 10 men. So maybe now you understand me a little bettter, huh? The pranks, at least. The government turned me into a killing machine, a perfect weapon of destruction. You should count yourself lucky that all I do is put your stapler in jello and slash your tires. Back in the 80s, I'd hook car batteries onto guy's dicks to get information. I shoved a guy into the blades of a helicopter for disrespecting me. So maybe, just maybe, you learn the lesson that Toby didn't. Maybe you learn to just leave some things alone, eh, Balloon Boy?" Jim takes a long drag from a cigarette and then walks out the door, leaving Dwight in silence. In a talking head segment Jim admits that he just "made all that up after watching Universal Soldier again". "It was just a typo, I even apologized to Toby for not catching it myself a while ago!" Jim is then asked why Toby's been missing for so long. "Oh. Probably caught covid from me, is my guess." Jim mugs for the camera.
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Aug 30, 2023 18:38
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Jim replaces the carpet in the office with a thin layer of squirrel hair. Dwight, who is incredibly allergic to squirrels, can’t stop sneezing all day.
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Aug 31, 2023 11:18
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Jim releases a video known as "Faces of Pranks" which is a compilation of some of his craziest and most violent pranks. However, in order to pad out the runtime, Jim also fakes several pranks using a Dwight-shaped dummy or a hyper realistic rubber mask of Dwight's face. Nevertheless, the video becomes a massive underground hit. Jim quickly rushes "Faces of Pranks II" into production but, lacking significant new prank footage, decides to fake even more of the pranks. The local Scranton media becomes aware of the film after a copy is confiscated at a local middle school. Parents are horrified at the seemingly random assemblage of violent, insane, and sometimes utterly illogical pranks. This quickly leads to the formation of the Scranton Board of Film Classification (SBFC). The SBFC then creates a list known as the "video nasties", a series of movies deemed too indecent for public consumption. These movies are then banned in Scranton, punishable by up to 10 years in prison. Dwight is utterly unaware of any of this until one night he attempts to watch Tenebrae. A strange window pops up on his screen, but he quickly dismisses it without reading it. As he begins watching the film he hears the sound of police sirens. His front door is then kicked open and a SWAT team swarms into the house, guns drawn on Dwight. "You loving sick freak! Down on the ground! Down on the ground right now!" A flash grenade is launched into Dwight's TV and detonates, blinding Dwight and destroying the TV. Dwight is then taken into custody. In a talking head segment Jim admits that he "planned it this way the whole time".
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Aug 31, 2023 13:35
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While wandering the outskirts of Scranton one day, Jim hears what he believes to be some kind of animal in distress. Hoping to laugh at the poor creature's misfortune, Jim rushes towards the sound only to discover what looks like a merman trapped in a fishing net in Lake Scranton. Jim decides to free the merman, hoping to use the mythical sea creature in some kind of prank against Dwight. The merman, resplendent as the shining sun reflects off his scaly tail and glistening humanoid muscles, thanks Jim and offers him one wish. "Oh, really? Well, there's this guy named Dwight. We're best friends, but we live really far apart! But if there was some way we could be together in an instant, oh boy, we'd both love that!" Ther merman claps his hands together and a ball of water rises in front of Jim. Jim reaches towards it and pulls out a small flute. "In honor of your bravery and selflessness," the merman speaks in a booming voice, "I grant you the Flute of Mermydion. By playing your favorite song, you will be able to instantly summon your friend Dwight to you, no matter where either of you may be. This flute represents the bond of friendship between two souls. May the beautiful melody of friendship forever echo across the land! Goodbye, brave soul, and thank you!" With that, the merman splashes back into Lake Scranton and disappears. Jim brings the flute to his lips and begins to play "Rockstar" by Nickelback on the flute. By the time he reaches the lyric "Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes" Dwight appears before him a swirl of water. Dwight (who was previously at the urologist with his pants down) looks befuddled and scared. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Aug 31, 2023 16:48
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Jim pranks Erin and Gabe by telling Erin that guys really prefer sex to be “as dry as possible” and that she should use her teeth while giving oral.
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Sep 1, 2023 11:56
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Dwight creates a new board game in his spare time called "Hyper Beet Farmers". In this game up to 8 players take control of a beet farmer, each growing a different colored beet. By trading resources with other players, improving their farming equipment, and keeping the evil Prankaloids at bay a player can be crowned "Master of the Farmland" and win the game. "Well that's loving dumb," Jim says as he looks over the instruction manual. "All you're doing is growing a farm. You can't even attack the other farms." Dwight explains that that's not really the point of the game, the only negative outcomes come from the Prankaloids. In fact, players have the option to work together and grow their farms together, thereby crowing all players as Masters of the Farmland. Jim then vomits acidic black bile onto the board game.
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Sep 1, 2023 17:53
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Jim gets infected by a Facehugger and tells no one.
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Sep 1, 2023 18:16
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I am a prankaloid, come on and wind me up
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Sep 1, 2023 18:19
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Jim and Dwight are paired up by chance in a three-legged potato sack race tournament at a Dunder Mifflin corporate picnic. They win each race handily, easily. No other team comes close. They move as one. They stay in the sacks during the barbecue dinner after the games. They don't seem particularly happy or sad, and if anyone mentions they're still wearing the sacks, they both shrug it off and laugh. They get out of the sacks only as the sun sets and the night comes to an end. However, they don't leave with their respective parties, but rather, they get into a dark, unfamiliar sedan and they drive off together. The Scranton attendees, and everyone really, is sort of mystified. It gets weirder, when after a few people have trouble starting their cars, Meredith notices there are potatoes in everyone who attended the picnic's exhaust pipes.
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Sep 2, 2023 00:42
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Jim tapes over the video of Dwight’s 1st Birthday with a recording of the Dreamworks’ Minions Halloween Spooktacular. Making matters worse, Jim has already seen the special 11 times and already subscribed to Minions Plus, the Minions steaming service that also houses the special. “I just like the grain of VHS,” he admits in a talking head segment. “It adds some nostalgia for me.”
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Sep 2, 2023 03:16
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Jim could shoot Dwight in the face with a pistol four times.
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Sep 2, 2023 03:18
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Just walk up to him first thing and blam blam blam blam Funny joke to play.
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Sep 2, 2023 03:19
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"I could stand in the middle of Main Street and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK?" said Jim of his campaign for Scranton Dog Catcher. He then shoots Dwight to prove his point.
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Sep 2, 2023 06:06
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Jim walks into the office the morning (11:00 am, his usual start time) after a long weekend and without a word strides up to the first desk island, pulls out a pistol, and puts a single round through the back of Dwight’s skull. Jim drags Dwight’s body outside and down into the sewers, where he turns it into a car. Dwight’s back is hunched over, and his arms meet in a hoop where a steering wheel has been attached. His legs are bent backwards but his knees are hyperextended to form a little lap where Jim can sit, he pushes Dwight’s shoes like pedals. Dwight’s head is extended and disgorged to form a kind of convertible canopy that looks like a hideous painful roar, and four old fashioned hoop wheels are spinning around on the bottom. Jim drives to work the next day in this abomination and pulls in right next to the Trans Am, just as Dwight is getting out of his car. Dwight’s eye twitches as he notices Jim’s new vehicle, but he decides not to say anything. At least Jim is showing up on time today, he thinks.
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Sep 2, 2023 13:38
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Jim comes home one evening after an average (that is boring) day at work. At least his prank on Dwight he has been working on for the past month paid off: he added a penny every day to Dwight's phone head and today removed them all at once which caused Dwight to punch himself. Pam even chuckled a bit which has always been the real reason for Jim's pranks. Just as he is about to open the front door of his multi-tenant building something unusual catches his eye: an ornate man-high mirror is leaning by the trash cans. He decides to take it in and lean it against the wall just in the right angle to show the reflection of his head and upper body. A strange impulse - a memory from a Disney movie perhaps? - is taking hold of him and he asks: "Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the greatest prankster of them all?" - "You are, my Lord", answers the mirror. Satisfied Jim goes to bed. A few years pass by. Jim has made it a tradition to ask the mirror the same question every year on the day he found it - even as he moved together with Pam and even after the birth of his children. It has always given the same answer. Jim comes back from Dwight's and Angela's wedding. Pam has left earlier with the kids so that Jim can party a bit longer. He now stands alone in the hallway and his gaze falls on the mirror. Jim walks towards it and remembers that it is the day on which he took the mirror. Chuckling and slightly inebriated he asks his usual question. "Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the greatest prankster of them all?" - "You are - except for one."
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Sep 2, 2023 15:02
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What?! This is not what Jim expected to hear. In the back of his mind he wonders why this answer bothers him so much but mostly his mind is 4acing with questions. Why am I not the greatest prankster anymore? Are the gutenpranks to blame? He knew from the beginning that those were a mistake. Who is the biggest prankster? It must be Dwight, his arch nemesis! Right then Jim swears to double and triple down on his pranking efforts on Dwight. He transforms the cellar into a pranking workshop. The prankorium as Jim calls it. He even begins to sleep down there - rarely at first but over the years increasingly more often. He even buys a bed for this purpose - a red race car bed seems appropriate. Pam is getting more and more emotionally absent - not that Jim cares very much anymore - and his kids do not seem to think of him as their father anymore. This stings a bit more but not enough to deter him from spending more and more time and money on his pranks. Even though he finishes increasingly more spectacular and dangerous and meaner pranks on Dwight - the squeaky shoe machine, the "souped up" elevator or replacing Dwight's grandfather with a screech owl come to mind - the mirror still won't acknowledge him. It is maddening! It does not even give him the name of the superior prankster. Jim barely eats anymore and stops taking care of his body. After a particularly sleepless night Jim comes to work much earlier than usual - when his co-workers leave the building to take lunch. Bleary eyed he walks past them without taking notice. Had he done so he might have noticed a chimp walking behind the group of colleagues throwing feces at the back of Dwight's head
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Sep 2, 2023 15:42
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Jim kills Dwight's favorite thread by posting a very bad post.
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Sep 3, 2023 06:37
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Jim starts wearing exact copies of Dwight’s outfits every day, even on weekends, even when Dwight doesn’t see him. Dwight, wearing a mustard yellow Hawaiian shirt and brown shorts, is shocked to to see Jim in the same outfit as the two men cross paths at the grocery store. “Hey Dwight! Don’t worry, I’m wearing the same undies as you, too! Take a look!” In the middle of the crowded store, Jim pulls down his pants. The sight of his shriveled, emaciated lower half causes nearby patrons to scream in horror and children to begin crying. Dwight quickly rushes home and takes all his clothes, collects them in a plastic bag, and prepares to donate them to charity. The sight of Jim in these clothes was… too much. Dwight buys brand new clothes, making sure that Jim doesn’t see him or have any way of figuring out what he’s bought. He goes so far as to shop at several vintage shops, ensuring that there is no physical way Jim could possibly be wearing those same clothes. At work, Dwight shows up wearing a salmon colored shirt, white khakis, and a blue tie with the words “Worlds Best Great Uncle” printed on it in silver. He has on yellow wing tip shoes and socks with the planets printed on them. As he sits down, Jim is dressed just like he used to - a wrinkled shirt, top two buttons unbuttoned, a loose black tie, and khakis with several unidentified stains on them. Jim leans over. “Dwight, you look ridiculous!” Jim mugs for the camera.
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Sep 3, 2023 13:27
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Jim shrinks Dwight down to the size of an action figure. he then puts the now-mini Dwight in a jar. dear Goat in hell only knows what happens next.
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Sep 3, 2023 20:15
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Jim’s final wish is to be cremated and have his ashes spread on Schrute Farms. Dwight finds this slightly irritating but allows it, especially given Jim’s painful and violent death. As Jim’s dumps the last of Jim’s ashes out she asks if she can use a hose to “rinse out this vase so I can use it again”. That night there is an eerie purple glow coming from the beet fields and Dwight walks out to investigate. As he does, he hears a voice calling to him. “Balloon boy…. Balloon boy….” Following the voice, Dwight discovers a small opening in the fertile soil of his field. Something compels him to squeeze in and burrow downward, so he begins to crawl into the yawning abyss. The purple glow grows stronger as he ventures into the bowels of the earth, slowly wiggling through a narrow tunnel not much larger than him. Finally, the tunnel opens up a bit more and Dwight can crawl on his hands and knees down the gently sloping path. The purple light is almost blinding now but Dwight blessedly reaches the end of the tunnel and the source of the voice and light. A pile of flesh-colored muck throbs in front of him. Although Dwight is no doctor, he’s studied enough to recognize some of the organs jutting out of the mass. There’s a pair of lungs working away, a beating heart, and a fleshy hive of nerve tissue approximating a nervous system and brain. And, perhaps most disturbing of all, are two vibrating bands of thick tissue. The vibrate and the voice comes again. “Hey… Dwight. Fancy meeting… you hear.” The vocal cords let out a rasping noise that might be laughter as Dwight is snapped out of his almost hypnotic state. He sees a large hunk of stone jutting from the side of the tunnel, dislodges it, and begins to bash the abomination in front of him again and again. It lets out a pig-like squeal as jets of hot blood begin to spurt forth from each blow. Dwight keeps bashing away until the squealing stops and the blood pools under the monster in front of him. He then begins to slowly navigate out of the tunnel. Blessedly freeing himself, Dwight heads into the shower, cleans off, and then crawls back into bed. The purple light is gone from the field now and Dwight sleeps peacefully. Something else is growing inside of Dwight’s garden hose. Something floppy and amorphous, something that oozes and pours itself through the pipes of the farmhouse. It mugs for the camera.
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Sep 4, 2023 20:27
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Dwight kisses his grandfather on the head (Screechy the Screech Owl, replaced in a prank by Jim) and hops in his Trans-Am to drive to work. Mose runs along the car until he is outpaced, and Dwight watches him recede in the rearview mirror with a heartsick sadness (Mose will never recover from Jim's last prank). At the thought of Jim, Dwight sighs and glances up at the sun (which has been filled with Jim's mugging face, moving and reacting to everything it sees on earth like the baby in the sun on Teletubbies), wondering if the sunset will bring another swarm of Jim Locusts, as the hazy cloudy light looks suspiciously like it did seven years ago. The streets of Scranton, the Electric City, are empty. Nobody dares walk them anymore. The gutters are filled with clown paper wanted and missing posters; newsprint showing different disasters to visit central Pennsylvania; the paper oozes some oily substance where it clogs the gutters. The roads are pockmarked with holes; nobody fixes them anymore, since new, slower routes between the farmland and Scranton Business Park keep appearing, wiping out older streets. Dogs run rampant. Of course they do; wild packs were the norm even before city services were permanently disbanded. Dwight's gaze lingers on the largest pack. They appear to be lashed together and carrying some kind of crude litter. On top, wearing a dingy gold crown, is Chips the Monkey. He appears to be husbanding them toward the burnt out remains of Famous Jim's Original Pizza. Most of the town is burned, by now. The places that aren't are being reclaimed by nature, overgrown with weeds and bizarre animals, like Dwight's seen in videos of Detroit. There's only one place that hasn't changed. Hasn't changed in decades. The same as it always is. As he gets closer, though, he slows. Car density increases, until he's bumper to bumper in four lanes of heavy traffic. "It's almost 9:00 after a long, I don't need this," thinks Dwight. "What could be causing this traffic?" As he crawls closer to the office, Dwight sees the source of the slowdown. Sitting in the middle of the road, with several cars floating in it, is a building-sized jello mold. Cars drive into it and become immediately absorbed into the amorphous fluid, raising up into the air, helpless in the big, shaking, transparent dessert. There's nothing for it; the cars behind are pushing the cars at the front into the jello. They are all being slowly pushed into the trap, an inevitability. There is no offramp. No escape. Weaving dangerously and improbably through the gridlocked traffic, Jim zips up to Dwight in his racecar bed, fitted up like a go-cart. "I've heard of a traffic jam before, but a traffic JELLO?!" Jim zips away. Dwight sighs. After a long time, he says to himself, "When did Jim start delivering these lovely one liners at the end of his pranks?"
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Sep 4, 2023 22:49
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All the members of the Office team recieve a mysterious email from Michael simply titled "uRGENT: esc". It turns out to be an invitation to Michael's house that afternoon to watch the Eurovision Song Contest final, with attendance "mandatory, under pain of termination". This elicits a collective groan, but given the nature of the threat, everyone (even Stanley) leaves the office at 2 PM and makes their way to Michael's place. The afternoon is appropriately cringy, between Michael's usual antics and the show's over-the-top nature. The performances alternate between utterly forgettable and annoyingly catchy. Just as England's song is about to come up, Jim stands up. "I'm gonna go grab a bite in the kitchen, anyone wants something?" Kevin orders bacon, Michael a beer, Pam an apple juice. On the TV, the stage goes dark. A lanky hooded figure appears from backstage with the mic, all alone. Then, with a blast of feedback: "This one's dedicated to my Balloon Boy!" A huge picture of Dwight appears behind the figure. It has red eyes, devil's horns and a cruel smile uncharacteristic of the real Dwight who stares at the screen, transfixed. The figure rips his hood and cloak off to reveal Jim, nude except for a pair of red tennis shoes. Then the music starts. It is louder than anything before, discordant, tritones aplenty over which Jim starts screeching his song, Dwight is a Blight. The lyrics are confusing: they tell the tale of Dwight, a beet farmer/paper salesman (it is unclear) whose various outlandish but monstrous acts motivate the singer's hatred of him. Somehow, the atrocious song drives the audience in a frenzy. Unprompted, they start chanting "Blood! Blood!" whenever there is a lull in the song. Dwight is evil, he's just a huge moron. Dwight is a blight, kill his dog, kill his mom! Dwight is the devil, oh I wish he was dead! Dwight is a blight, OFF WITH HIS HEAD! With that last pronouncement ending the final chorus, the song dissolves into feedback again and the crowd roars in appreciation. The camera pans to a group of fans who are enthusiastically trying to rip the head off a yellow shirt wearing member of the audience. "So, what'd I miss?" Jim's question seems to break the hypnotic spell that has befallen Dwight. He glances at his colleagues. They are staring at him, glassy-eyed. "...off with his head..." mumbles Kevin, and Creed grumbles in acquiescence. Dwight then turns to Jim. Back from the kitchen, Jim is now distributing all kinds of knives to the rest of the Office team. He smirks at the Eurovision Song Contest camera crew that has inexplicably appeared in a corner of the living room. As Meredith and Pam, freshly armed with cleavers and still staring at him, move to stand up, Dwight sighs. He knows how this is going to end.
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Sep 5, 2023 07:20
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Cue the church scene of Kingsmen where Dwight gets shot in the head by Jim at the end.
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Sep 5, 2023 08:27
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Claiming to be the "new voice of Rick and Morty" Jim starts talking in that voice all day long "for practice". WIthin 3 hours, the entirety of the office has quit their jobs except for Jim. He sits, alone, in a silent office. "OOOwwweeeEEEE!" Jim says, sadly.
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Sep 5, 2023 13:41
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It is the year 12,090... Mankind was nearly completely wiped out in the Prank Wars. The last remnants of society fled to the unpranked corners of the world while nature began to slowly rebuild itself. Jim (from The Office: An American Workplace) and his armies still reigned above all, having used the Prank Wars to further their own twisted ambitions. Rebuilding society in his image. Over time, even this new society began to crumble and decay. Thousands of years after Jim took power, only the faintest stain of his influence remains on the Earth. However, the disciples of Prankology begin to gather as rumors spread that their great lord and master Jim (from The Office: An American Workplace) still lived, having long ago secreted himself away to gather his power and unleash a new Prank War upon the growing contingent of humans. Mankind, having only recently begun to rediscover the basics of civilization, grows leery as the monsters of the world seem to be organizing and growing in power. It is written that in times like this a powerful being will appear, a warrior to push back the growing tide of pranks. Known only as "D", stories tell of this mighty soldier for justice battling against hordes of Jim-birds, freeing entire villages from Marauding Gelatins, and even battling against Jim himself in the Beforetimes. It has been many hundreds of years since D has been spotted, however, and most of humanity now believes D to simply be a folktale meant to inspire hope. Outside of a small fishing village, three strange figures lurk in the shadows. "This is it," screeches the bird-like monster dressed in rags, "a chance to prove ourselves to The Master. A village of humans, ripe for the pranking! What luck!" "Aye," responds a creature that resembles a pile of undercooked noodles, "but what of D? Some of my brothers speak as if D has risen again. Why, there are even stories that the Monstropolis has fallen." "Feh! Tall tales told by the humans to try and scare us off," the third figure, a waiflike creature with yellow skin, a single staring eye, and dressed in filthy coveralls, replies as it spits on the ground. "Banana, I say. Banana to it all!" Grinning wicked grins, the three monsters slink into the village and stake out their first victim. They see a lone man, standing in the middle of a field. Dressed in a mustard yellow robe, he looks utterly helpless and does not appear to be aware of their presence. The noodle-monster lunges first, prepared to give the human an atomic wedgie. As he does, however, the robed man quickly turns around. There is a flash of light, a sound like the wind howling, and then the noodle monster bursts into a cloud of blood of viscera. "Bastard human! We'll prank you for that! We'll prank you - " The voice of the bird-man is cut off by another howl of wind and two loud snaps. Much like their compatriot, the two other ghouls explode into a fine mist of blood and gore. Too easy, thinks the man in the mustard-yellow robe. This has all been far too easy so far. The man re-sheathes his mighty blade, a gift from his sensei Mike at the Scranton Mall Dojo in the Beforetimes. The katana has begun to crave blood again, and D realizes that he will need to perform another purification ritual on the blade, lest its bloodlust infect him as well. He can sense Jim's wicked influence is growing again. The days are growing shorter, the nights much longer and colder. Mars rises in the night sky, brighter than ever, and the Cult of the Matriach has again begun to gain prominence, claiming that Mars needs the blood of mothers, lest it fall from the night sky and crush the Earth below it. The old ways are beginning to gain prominence again, fueled by superstition and fear. Yes, this is the work of Jim (from The Office: An American Workplace). His subtle machinations and manipulations to once again bring humanity into another Prank War. Of course, only one who lived through the first War would be able to see the signs. D sighs and removes his robe, revealing a lithe body covered in leather armor. Hanging at his side is his trusty (albeit cursed) katana, which he has taken to calling Mose as of late. As he begins to march across the empty village square he thinks of better times, the Beforetimes, when he had a place to call home and a wife to share his joy with. 10,000 years does a lot to change a man. It makes him colder, more calculating, and sometimes more aloof. But, unfortunately for D, it does not help him to forget that which he has lost. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Sep 6, 2023 14:09
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Jim modifies his racecar bed to "roll clown", with two giant upright exhaust pipes in the shapes of screaming clown heads pumping clown gas out as Jim zips around the parking lot doing doughnuts. Anyone trying to get to their car passes out, laying across the pavement like flies caught on flypaper. "Beep beep!" shouts Jim.
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Sep 6, 2023 14:43
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 07:52 |
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Jim and Dwight are on a plane to Boston for a sales conference when Jim looks over at Dwight. "Uh oh. Diarrhea. Diarrhea, Dwight. Diarrhea!" Jim then stands up and begins running up and down the aisle of the plane as fecal matter begins dripping down his pants legs. The plane has to be grounded in Newark and Dwight misses the free lunch provided at the sales conference. Years later, Dwight and Angela are stepping onto a plane when he is hit with a wave of nostalgia. This is the plane. The diarrhea plane. Dwight vomits at the memory.
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Sep 6, 2023 14:53
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