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Jim drives his racecar bed right into Dwights beet field, where it sinks down into the mud and gets stuck. Jim squeals and cries as he continues gunning the engine, splattering mud from his tires as his car sinks further in the muck. Help! Help! shouts Jim, Im stuck in another comical reflection of current events! Dwight sighs and closes his blinds. The next morning, as Dwight steps out his front door on the way to work, he sees Michael imprisoned in a giant wooden statue of a humanoid man. Jim is splashing gasoline (sorry, clown gasoline) across the giant with one hand, lighter in the other. Dwight whistles as he drives to work, the blazes rising behind him.
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Sep 6, 2023 15:21
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| # ? May 31, 2024 17:27 |
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Dwight discovers a concerning lump on his back one morning and decides to schedule a doctor's appointment to get it checked out. "Wow, taking a day off of work. Must be nice," Jim says when Dwight submits the paperwork for an approved personal day. "Must be real fuckin' nice. Some of us actually have to work for a living." A nervous Dwight steps into the doctor's office a few weeks later, the lump having grown significantly larger in that time. The doctor frowns as he looks at it and takes a biopsy, telling Dwight that it's "not necessarily something to worry about yet". For days, Dwight can barely focus on his charity work as fears of "the big C" float through his brain. He's mercilessly pranked, unable to put up even the slightest defense against Jim. Finally, the phone rings and Dwight recognizes the number as his doctor. His mouth as dry as cotton, he answers the phone. "Dwight, it's Doctor Mockter. We have good news - it's not cancer. But it is something odd. Dwight, is there any chance you might have been a twin early in your mother's pregnancy?" Relieved but also a little freaked out by this revelation, Dwight listens as the doctor explains that the lump is made of stem cells, almost as if it's a fetus trying to grow. He suggests that Dwight return to the office shortly so they can schedule a surgery to remove all of the growth, and Dwight says he'll come by after work and hangs up the phone. The day of the surgery soon arrives and Dwight is put under so the surgeons can work quickly and efficiently to remove the mass of tissue. Dwight wakes up and feels a stinging pain on his back, realizing that the lump is finally gone. He tries to sit up in his hospital bed to signal a nurse, but is soon met with a horrific sight. At the foot of his bed are 3 lifeless bodies - the surgeons. They've been torn apart, as if a wild animal was let loose. There's an alarm sounding throughout the hospital, Dwight can hear it clearly now, and as he looks around he notices tiny bloody footprints leading out of the room. A nurse finally appears before Dwight, covered in blood. "Oh God, Mr. Schrute, at least you're still alive. It got out, Dwight! It started killing everybody and then it.. oh God... it ran away! It was so... floppy ..." Dwight recognizes the tiny bloody footprints now. Not footprints at all, really, but tennis shoe prints. Still groggy with the sedatives, he can only tell the nurse that he's okay and that the police need to be on the look out for a Tiny man with floppy hair, nude except for a pair of tennis shoes. In the vents of the hospital, Tiny Jim rushes towards freedom. "For you, Papa," he says, thinking of the mugging face of Jim Halpert.
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Sep 6, 2023 15:42
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Jim builds a miniature replica of Scranton and then films Chips rampaging through it. He then sends this footage to Dwight, telling him that hes created a monkey enlarging ray and that Chips next target is Schrute farms. Worried for his life and the safety of his family, Dwight rushes everyone into the basement and calls Jim, telling him that hell do whatever he wants, so long as Chips is not unleashed to cause more destruction. Good, good, Jim says with a smirk. Youre learning well, Balloon Boy. Ill return Chips to his normal size with my monkey shrinking ray if you bring me a can of soda every day for a month. The good stuff, too, none of this knockoff Professor Soda or Mountain Fresh crapola. Pepsi-cola or bust! Dwight agrees to this while Jim makes a woosh noise over the phone to pretend like hes firing another ray. He then hangs up the phone, eager for his first soda the next day.
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Sep 7, 2023 11:18
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Jim spanks Dwight extra hard on his (Dwight's) buttocks, turning them bright red. "I've heard of a Balloon Boy," he guffaws, "but a Baboon Boy? This takes the cake!"
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Sep 7, 2023 11:51
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Jim invites Dwight to "Kiss My Jazz", a new jazz club that just opened in Scranton. Even more exciting - Jim says he'll be performing a trumpet solo specifically for Dwight. The night of the performance comes and Dwight eagerly sits in the front row, sipping a martini and soaking in the wonderful atmosphere. Jim steps up to the microphone then, ready to perform. "Hey all you cool cats. My name is Jimmy and my trumpet and I are going to guide you all on a tour across the cosmos. I call this one 2001: A Jazz Odyssey. Hope you all dig it." The solo is beautiful, Jim's erratic mind also makes him extremely well-suited to performing a wild, freeform jazz solo. Dwight is in awe at the raw emotion being released on the stage. Perhaps Jim has finally found a creative outlet for his madness? As Jim hits his final note, the audience erupts into cheers and Jim takes a bow. Dwight stands up and cheers for Jim, incredibly proud of his coworker. As he does, Jim leans in and releases his spit valve directly into Dwight's face.
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Sep 7, 2023 13:06
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Dwight has finally had enough. Hyping himself up in the mirror before driving to work, he's decided that today is the last day Jim pranks him. drat the consequences, Dwight is going to stand up to Jim and give him a piece of his mind. When he gets to work, Dwight sits in his seat, cross-armed, ready for Jim to enter in his usual lackadaisical manner. As lunch approaches, however, Jim still hasn't shown up. He heads to Michael's office and asks if he knows where Jim is. "Who the hell is Jim? Dwight, are you smoking your hemp again? Buddy, you can get medical marijuana now, it's not a big deal." Confused, Dwight leaves Michael's office and goes to the person he trusts most in the office - Angela - to ask about Jim. Angela is similarly perplexed, saying that she has no idea who Jim is. When Dwight motions towards the empty desk where Jim once sat, Angela just says the desk has been empty since Michael got promoted to management. In fact, wasn't Dwight supposed to be interviewing someone today for that job? Now he remembers. Michael's been the manager for about a month now and Dunder Mifflin has been struggling to fill the open sales position. It seems as if a paper company isn't the draw it used to be in this mostly paperless society. Plus Staples is out there, ever-looming, and taking away more customers by the day. Thankfully they've got a new applicant who seems pretty promising. There's a knock at the door and a tall, thin man steps in. He leans over to Pam, looking slightly nervous. "Hi, I'm here for the interview. I'm, uh, a little early. Hope that's okay." Without looking up from her screen, Pam hands the man a clipboard and asks him to sign in. She then takes it back, hands the man a visitor's ID badge, and asks him to sit in the conference room. Dwight watches in abject horror as Jim Halpert nervously walks across the office and sits down in the conference room. No one else in the office is reacting, do none of them actually recognize him? Dwight steps over to Pam's desk, convinced this is some prank. He asks who the job applicant is and Pam grabs the clipboard. "Jim Halpert. I have a copy of his resume here if you need it, Dwight. Ooooh, looks like he worked at a tuxedo rental place. That's kind of interesting, right?" It's not, but Dwight is too disturbed to comment on that. He sneaks a look into the conference room where Jim is staring nervously at the folders in his lap. Dwight grabs the resume from Pam and looks it over as he walks to the conference room. There's no obvious prank here, no former manager named Seymour Buttz or Dwight Crapshispants. No references to working at Famous Original Jim's Pizza or El Sicko's Taco Truck or even discussion of being a dog catcher. What the hell is going on? Dwight opens the conference room door and stares intently at Jim. There is no sign of recognition from Jim. Unless Jim has become an amazing actor recently, Jim truly doesn't recognize Dwight. But Dwight decides to try one final thing. He introduces himself as Mike K Schrute. "Oh, nice to meet you, Mr. Schrute. I'm sorry, I thought I was meeting with a Dwight K Schrute. Must have been a mistake in the email or something." Dwight apologizes, saying that he actually is named Dwight, and that was just a minor test. Jim smiles and nods, saying that "makes perfect sense". The interview goes well and Dwight does his best to soldier on despite the odd circumstances. Jim answers each question well and never slips up, there's never a hint that he's the Jim that Dwight remembers. The cruel, cowardly, vicious Jim. No, this Jim appears to just be a man looking for a new job opportunity. Dwight begins to feel as if he's been horribly mistaken, maybe he really did just smoke a little too much lately and get a bit confused. To end the interview, Dwight asks if Jim has any questions for him. Jim taps his chin for a moment, then looks deep in thought, then speaks. "Yeah, just one. Have you figured it out yet?" Dwight sits bolt upright in his seat. He knew it. This is just another prank. He asks Jim what the hell is going on. "I'm sorry?! I just meant, have you figured out the salary yet. It was still listed as TBD on the posting. Sorry, Mr. Schrute, I didn't mean to word that so poorly." Dwight profusely apologizes and says he'll have to talk to HR about the salary, but he'll be sure to get that info sent to Jim. He thanks Jim for his time and tells him they'll be in touch. They shake hands and Jim leaves the office after using the restroom. Dwight sits back at his desk and just sits for a moment, trying to collect himself. Could he have really be so mixed up about this Jim character? The more he thinks about it, the weirder it sounds. How could one guy do so many pranks? And didn't he have a monkey? And, sometimes at least, a goldfish? Weird, very weird. "DWIGHT! GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!" Dwight is snapped out of his mental fugue by Michael's angry voice. He rushes into the bathroom, where Michael is standing there with a scowl on his face. The bathroom is covered in poo poo from top to bottom, and painted on the mirror is the phrase "ASSISTANT REGIONAL MANAGER". "Dwight, c'mon man. I know you really want that job title but I just cant give it to you right now. This... this isn't a healthy way to act out, buddy." Dwight says he couldn't have done it, that it must have been someone else. Suddenly he remembers Jim going to the bathroom before he left. He's about to tell Michael that it must have been Jim when Michael grabs his hand. "Look at this, Dwight. You've got poo poo on your hands, man. You didn't even clean it up well. Dwight... just go home, okay? Come back tomorrow and just pretend this didn't happen." Dwight protests again - explaining that Jim must have slipped something onto him when he shook his hand. Michael's face is almost red with anger and he tells Dwight to just get out of the office before something much worse happens, so Dwight quietly leaves. This has been a terrible day, he thinks. One of the worst he can remember. As he leaves, Jim is standing in the parking lot. Jim waves at him, smiling, and rushes over. "Don't worry, Dwight. It's the worst day you can remember, but it'll pale in comparison to what's coming next. This'll feel like a stroll in the park compared to when I get hired." Jim seems to sort of fade away in that moment, as if he was just an image being projected on glass. At the moment that he totally disappears there's a loud pop, as if the air rushed to fill in the spot where he used to be. Dwight falls to his knees and begins to cry.
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Sep 7, 2023 17:30
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jim glances up from his phone at dwight "i ain't reading all that. i'm happy for you though. or sorry that happened" jim returns to browsing Minions memes
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Sep 7, 2023 17:43
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Prior to Dwight's 20 year high school reunion, Jim emails the class President and says that Dwight "died after being assaulted by a dolphin" and asks if the class could have a moment of silence for him at the reunion. Dwight shows up to the reunion and isn't able to find a nametag. The class representative explains that they were told Dwight had passed away. The confusion is quickly cleared up and Dwight has a wonderful time reuniting with some of his old friends. Jim, who has been pulled into marriage counseling that night, keeps looking at his phone. "Jim? Please, can you put the phone away. Pam has asked you to come to a therapy session here and we REALLY need you to connect with her." Jim snorts and puts his phone back in his pocket as the therapist thanks him. "Now, Pam, you were saying that Jim has an intimacy issue? Something about him being unable to get fully nude?" "Ugh," Jim says, still wondering if his prank has worked, "first of all, I need the tennis shoes on in case I gotta go fast. Second of all, that's not really anybody's business except for mine and Dwight's."
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Sep 8, 2023 14:18
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Rolling Stone publishes an article about "The Office: An American Workplace", the documentary about a supposedly typical working office that was quickly dominated by the substance-abusing diva, Jimmy. 16 current and former employees described a difficult work environment at The American Workplace that in some cases they say was detrimental to their mental health. The individuals were not identified by name in the story, citing fear of professional repercussions. Jimmy quickly holds a Zoom call with the entire staff in which he apologizes and vows to "do better." Jimmy reportedly said he did not intend to create that type of atmosphere for the show, according to a follow-up story by Rolling Stone, citing unnamed employees who were on the call. Its embarrassing and I feel so bad, the employees claim Jimmy said, Sorry if I embarrassed you and your family and friends I feel so bad I cant even tell you. I want the show to be fun, [it] should be inclusive to everybody. As soon as the call ends, Jimmy takes a huge slug from a bottle of Prankohol and darts his eyes over to the camera, giggling to himself at his own jokes.
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Sep 8, 2023 14:28
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This thread has absolutely destroyed my ability to watch the Office because I keep expecting Jim to be an emaciated monster
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Sep 8, 2023 14:28
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Jim gets takeout for the office but doesnt get any for Dwight.
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Sep 8, 2023 14:31
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The Scranton Society of Super-fans (made up of Dwight, Oscar, Toby, Meredith, and Michael) has a vote on whether to admit Jim into the group. Jim has been whining for months about wanting to join, claiming that he's "the ultimate pop culture fan". Meredith is handed the Sacred Speaking Stick and gets to cast the first vote. "I vote against it. It's Jim, people. JIM! What's he going to talk about? Minions? I can log into facebook if I want to hear about Minions. So that's a big 'NAY' from me, fellow Super-fans." She passes the stick to Oscar. "I vote for it. Not because of Jim but because of the principle of the thing. Are we not, ourselves, sometimes seen as outcasts from the world around us? Michael, where else can you practice your magic tricks without fear of mockery? Toby, who else will read your true crime podcast scripts? Dwight, you made this group into a safehouse for all people, a place we could grow as people and experience the interests of others. I vote 'Yay' for Jim, God help me." Michael votes against Jim and Toby votes for him, leaving the deciding vote in Dwight's hands. Dwight tightly grips the Sacred Speaking Stick and takes a deep breath before casting his vote. Later that evening, the Scranton Society of Super-fans invites Jim into their sacred meeting room (the extra room in Meredith's house). Michael steps forth. "Jim, earlier today we voted on whether to admit you to the group. And, after much deliberation, we have decided to... let you in. Welcome to the Scranton Society of Super-fans." Jim quickly smiles, then begins to laugh maniacally. Lightning streaks across the sky outside and thunder booms, shaking the whole house. He reaches into a plastic bag he's been carrying and pulls out his Minions DVDs, tossing them onto the meeting table. "So it begins!," Jim cackles over the booming thunder as he mugs for the camera.
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Sep 8, 2023 17:27
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Deciding to scale back the destructive power of his pranks, Jim decides to go "old school" and deliver a classic prank on Dwight. Jim signs Dwight up for a hundred mailing lists, so that a hundred catalogues soon arrive at Dwight's farmhouse. Of course, given Jim's incredibly limited worldview and experience, these catalogues reflect his own peculiar interests. Dwight starts to receive the "Mars Needs Moms Memorabilia Monthly Review" and "Bizarre Food Quarterly" , along with, improbably, The Weekly Standard and Aquarium Fish Magazine. He receives Field and Stream, Guns and Ammo, and Sonic and Tails magazines delivered to his door. Dwight starts to (bemusedly, at first) peruse the periodicals, and one day finds that he's read Minions XXX Letters cover to cover. After a few weeks, Dwight finds himself reading essentially every mailing that Jim had delivered to his house. Even more strangely: he's enjoying it. Within months, Dwight has clear picks for hottest Minion (taking strong objection to the rankings in the March issue of Playminion), a working knowledge of clown papercrafts, and a conspiratorial distrust of the federal government. He doesn't realize how closely he's grown toward Jim's worldview until one day, when Michael comes in wearing a women's suit, Dwight and Jim both say "Bazinga!" at the same time, then turn and meet each other's eyes, shocked at their newly discovered similarity (both similarly spending their time reading TV Guide Magazine). That evening, Jim accepts an invitation to come over to Dwight's house for dinner. Angela, who was staying late at the no-kill cat shelter, comes home to find Dwight and Jim engaged in a heated, but respectful, debate about the best color of racecar bed. She rubs her temples as she climbs the stairs to her bedroom, barely noticed by the men. She has a feeling this isn't going to end well.
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Sep 9, 2023 02:04
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A Fancy Hat posted:"So it begins!," Jim cackles over the booming thunder as he mugs for the camera. So as it turns out, Jim says in a talking head segment, there are actually OTHER animated movies and some of them are pretty good. During the first month as a Super-fan Meredith showed a movie called Akira. And, hoo boy, that was a trip. But like in a good way. And then Michael showed Hotel Transylvania, which loving kicked rear end. So yeah, lets just say being a Super-fan is pretty cool. Jims actually fitting in pretty well Toby explains. Hes respectful of our interests and hes more willing to try new things. I think maybe he just needed a group of friends and a place he could be creative. Next week were all taking a writing class at the Community College, that was all Jims idea. Ill be honest, Jim adds as he finishes cleaning up the meeting room, I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Like a voice in my head finally shut up. Im sleeping better, Im eating better, and Pam and I are talking again. Was was Dwight a good guy the whole time and I was so prank-drunk I didnt see it? Heh, look at me, getting all introspective here. Maybe maybe Im gonna be done with pranks. I mean, the show could still go on with Dwight and I getting into fun adventures together, right? Hell, we could go to Comic-con now that I know thats a thing he likes. Yup, I think the futures looking pretty bright for me. Jim wipes off the table and shuts the lights off, ready to go home. Oh, you guys are still filming. Uhhh, do you want me to mug or something? No, its just Jim, is this a prank? No, Jim answers, seemingly surprised at his own answer. Its not a prank at all.
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Sep 9, 2023 03:18
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Jim forgets to turn off his racecar bed one night and never wakes up again.
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Sep 9, 2023 03:36
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Jim and Dwight head across the street to try and a new sandwich shop in town. As theyre walking, Dwight accidentally steps in a puddle and splashes both himself and Jim. Oh no, Dwight! Our shirts are filthy, and David Wallace is coming to the office for a meeting in 15 minutes! What do we do?! Thinking quickly, Dwight looks around. There are no clothing stores close enough to reach in 15 minutes, and neither man could make it home and back in time, either. But there is one option Rushing into the warehouse, Jim and Dwight purchase a box of paper and quickly begin to construct button up shirts from the sheets of paper. Dwight even draws buttons and seams on them to make them appear more realistic. Racing against the clock, the twin shirts are constructed and worn and both men race upstairs just as David Wallace steps into the office. Jim, Dwight are those shirts made out of paper? Jim starts to sweat and nervously looks at Dwight. One of Dwights sleeves is starting to come unattached. Because I love it, Wallace continues. Thats using your brain to find alternate ways to sell paper! And what a way to present it! No wonder you two are our top salesmen! Dwight and Jim let out a sigh of relief and then smile for the camera.
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Sep 9, 2023 12:20
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Now make them kiss each other
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Sep 9, 2023 12:53
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Jim just ran the numbers on his latest prank and even got Pam to help him double check his math. Jim tosses down his pencil in disgust and runs off to his racecar bed and hugs his Minions pillow, pouting. Pam knocks on the door and tells him that if he can't come up with a way to balance the books on this prank, he's going to have to start from scratch with something else, cancel, or wait until Mr. Musk wires him more money. Jim knows that Pam is intimately aware that Elon has brankrupted himself in his pranking gamesmanship with Jim. Jim hugs his pillow tighter and wishes there was some way he could somehow 'reuse' a prank like it was a condom or a drug needle, to get more uses out of it without increasing the expense... The next day Jim shows up to the office with a small focused gamma ray emitter and bombards Dwight's brain with radiation that destroys Dwight's ability to form short-term memories. Jim spends the next 8 hours of repeatedly performing the Diarrhea Whoopie Cushion prank on Dwight, which Dwight reacts to each time like it's the first time, all over again.
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Sep 11, 2023 03:14
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Jim and Dwight are in New York City, meeting with Dunder Mifflin Corporate leaders to discuss a new marketing strategy for the paper company. The group breaks for lunch, and Jim tells Dwight he'll take him out for "a meal you'll never forget". Dwight thanks Jim for showing him around the city. As the two friends and coworkers walk through New York's financial district, Jim's phone starts to ring. "Oh crap, Dwight, I totally forgot. My nephew asked me to help him with a school project while we were in town. Do you mind if we make one little stop? It's really close, don't worry!" Dwight agrees to this, after all, what are friends for? He and Jim rush to an apartment building in Soho where a small child hands Dwight a paper maiche model of a skyscraper. Oddly, the child doesn't say anything to Jim and, in fact, looks extremely uncomfortable around him. But Dwight pays this no mind. "Okay, Dwight. Let's head out for lunch. There's this great cafeteria under the new World Trade Center building, if you can believe it. Let's go!" Jim and Dwight happily rush towards lunch, Dwight carrying the paper maiche building in front of him. He doesn't seem Jim quietly pull a remote control out of his pocket and press a handful of buttons. In fact, Dwight is in front of the World Trade Center memorial before he hears the buzzing of a model plane in the distance. "Dwight, I'm sorry. I really am. I wanted to be your friend for longer than this, but I forgot. And we're supposed to never forget, right?" The model plane smashes into the paper maiche building, which Jim has also packed full of explosives. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Sep 11, 2023 12:36
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Jim travels back in time to September 10, 2001 and tells a slightly younger Dwight to "stay home tomorrow". Dwight had planned to stay home anyway (he's been binge watching taped episodes of Dharma and Greg in preparation for season 5's premiere in a few weeks) but still finds the interaction very odd, especially since Jim kept telling Dwight "trust me, this'll make sense in the future, which is where I'm from". In the present, Dwight is now known by some conspiracy theorists as "Lucky Dwight", who called off sick from work on 9/11 and supposedly "must" have some kind of insider information. This is despite the fact that Dwight was working at Dunder Mifflin Scranton at the time.
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Sep 11, 2023 15:57
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Jim programs Dwight's Nintendo Switch to feel shame every time Dwight starts playing a game.
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Sep 12, 2023 17:19
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Jim starts a series of ever more engaging stories in Dwight's favorite thread only to finish with a colossal letdown of a post. Dwight unsubscribes from the thread and has now one fewer joy in life.
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Sep 12, 2023 17:34
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Jimmy eat world
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Sep 12, 2023 17:45
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Jim starts a so-called "Prank Quilt", in which each square is a different "classic" prank he executed on Dwight. When Dwight asks what the purpose of the quilt is, Jim explains that it's "for prank awareness" and that it'll all make sense once the project is complete. Dwight leans down and looks at the current square Jim is working on. It's not familiar to him at all. In it, Jim is hovering over Schrute Farms with glowing red eyes while vines encircle Dwight and turn him into a human approximation of a scarecrow. Dwight asks when that prank happened, as he doesn't remember it. "Heh," Jim says as he continues stitching, "must be that goofball a few vibrational frequencies over. He loves those horror movie ones. What a guy." Dwight assumes Jim must be drunk on prankahol and just walks away, letting Jim work on the quilt.
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Sep 12, 2023 17:59
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Jim and Dwight, who are best friends in this universe, decide to prank Andy. Dwight applies to Cornell, forcing Andy to interview him as an alumni. Andy, vindictive and insecure about his Ivy League credentials, guarantees that Dwight will "never be accepted, EVER!" Dwight feigns interest in attending the "superior Dartmouth", but this is merely a ruse, allowing Jim to sneak up behind him and slit Andy's throat from ear to ear (another victim of the Scranton Slitter).
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Sep 12, 2023 18:16
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dwight turns the tables of jim
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Sep 12, 2023 19:20
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Dwight turns the table in Jim, using up his turn in the table turning contest. Now its Jims chance to respond.
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Sep 12, 2023 21:30
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Jim coats the table in super glue
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Sep 12, 2023 23:58
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Dwight shows the office how the turntables by scratching the funkiest beet anyone has ever heard at the office party. The jams are so rad that Jim runs up and freestyles a kickin solo.
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Sep 13, 2023 00:39
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Dwight shows the office how the full tables by cooking the funkiest beet anyone has ever eaten at the office party. The jams are so devious that Jim takes an extra jar. He eats the beet gelatin slathered over a stapler for breakfast each morning for a month.
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Sep 13, 2023 00:43
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Dwight grows the office how the fern able by splicing the funkiest beet genes anyone has ever genetically engineered with the office party. The genes are so mutated that Jim grows an extra arm. He mutates into beet gelatin slathered over a stapler each morning for a month.
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Sep 13, 2023 00:53
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Ryan is found brutally pranked in his office/the janitors closet of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. The pranks are so severe that although he is still barely alive, hes in a coma and shows no sign of awakening any time soon. Toby examines the situation and determines that Jim is at fault, setting up a mock trial in 3 days and giving Jim precious little time to prove his innocence. If hes found guilty of the pranking he will be fired. The office celebrates as Jim seems to have finally bitten off more than he could chew. Dwight feels melancholy at the news however. In a bizarre way, he almost feels jealous that one of the multitude of pranks performed on him wasnt enough to get Jim fired. Nevertheless, whats done is done and Jim will have 3 days to try and prove his innocence, even though he very obviously did it. That night, Dwight tosses and turns in bed, unable to clear his kind of the days events. He looks outside and sees a shadowy figure illuminated by the pale moon light. Dwight already knows who this is and steps outside quietly, making sure not to wake Angela from her peaceful slumber. Standing on the porch is Jim. Dwight. I want to hire you. To represent me in whatever kangaroo court Tobys dreamt up. I want you to ensure Im found not guilty and get to keep my job. Ill pay you whatever you want. Please! Dwight looks at the pathetic figure in front of him. Long and thin, Jim looks like a childs drawing of a scarecrow under the moonlight. His wild hair flops across his face, practically dripping down. This whole case has bothered Dwight since day one. He cant quite put his finger on it, but something is wrong. He looks at Jim and asks him one question - if hes truly innocent. Jim smirks. Dwight, buddy. Who the gently caress cares about Ryan this much? Not me. Dwight cant help but agree. It feels as if a great machine has been turned on inside of Dwights mind with that. Gears turn, thoughts become more abstract, and the shape of this strange case begins to take on a more firm shape. Dwight tells Jim hell take the case. Thanks. Oh and, uh, maybe avoid your downstairs bathroom for a day. I put a snake in there. Old habits, haha, what can I say? Thus begins another strange chapter in the life of Dwight Schrute (from The Office). Next time: Investigation Day One: The Case of the Purloined Prank
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Sep 13, 2023 02:57
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Jim flips Dwight's desk, alongside his computer and his desk trash.
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Sep 13, 2023 03:12
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Dwight gets Prank Life tattooed across his chiseled abs
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Sep 13, 2023 04:04
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Dwight wakes with a start. His throat is dry and raspy and he feels like he had an awful dream, be he cannot remember it. He strips fown for his shower and tossed his tshirt on the empty xenomorph egg sac near the head of his bed. Brushing his teeth does little to remove the oddly acidic taste from his mouth. He stops for coffee, a quadruple mocha expresso and a chocolates chip cookie. His stomach rumbles a bit as he responds to emails with wild abandon. He can' help but notice Jim staring at him but he can't figure out what he's up to. Finally Dwight calls out, "Jim why are you watching me?" Jim is so startled that he say, "I just wanted to invite you to lunch." The morning grinds onward with only a fart from Dwight to break the monotony. When noon hits, Jim suggests Taco Bell to the group, which is fine with Dwight. He feels a little bloated but otherwise very hungry. Jim brings brings a mound of tacos to the table and Dwight devours them all. Finally, Dwight excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Jim can't help but start laughing as Dwight accelerates toward the throne room. He bursts forth and explains that he paid the guy at the coffee shop to put exlax in the coffee and cookie that Dwight received and that he put Saran Wrap on the toilet before they ordered. The sounds and smells coming from the bathroom seem quite intense and everyone had a good laugh. Then the Xenomorph ate them all.
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Sep 13, 2023 04:17
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Dwight heads into the office early to investigate Ryan's office/ the janitor's closet and see if he can find any evidence regarding Ryan's vicious pranking. Jim is a lot of things, but subtle isn't one of them. If he pranked Ryan, there's bound to be a floppy hair or a squeaky shoe print somewhere. As Dwight enters the office he discovers that the scene of the prank has been immaculately cleaned. Toby is also, uncharacteristically, already at work. "Oh, hey Dwight. The cleaning crew accidentally wiped down Ryan's office last night. Not that it matters too much, am I right? I mean, it was definitely Jim." Dwight asks if he could just take a look around the office and Toby reluctantly agrees. As Dwight starts searching, he finds something odd. Ryan was supposedly knocked unconscious with a blow to the back of the head from a jello-covered stapler. But, looking at the office, Ryan's desk faced the doorway. It seems unlikely, if not outright impossible, for someone to have hit him on the back of the head in this situation. There's something else, too. On Ryan's desk is a stapler. So Ryan was hit with a stapler that had already been covered in jell-o, not his own. That doesn't sound like Jim's M.O. to Dwight, and he makes a quick note of these odd facts before returning to his desk. The day is relatively quiet. Jim seems unfocused and worried and doesn't execute a single prank. As lunch arrives, Toby offers to buy lunch for everyone. "Don't worry, I can expense it. Just... with everything going on, I think we need a bit of a break from reality here." Jim and Dwight share a glance. Something odd is indeed going on. As Toby heads out to pick up food, Jim and Dwight carefully sneak back to the annex to look at his desk. "Bull-loving-poo poo he's buying lunch for everyone! He works for Corporate," Jim says with a sneer, "and those motherfuckers NEVER buy us poo poo!" Dwight has to agree with Jim, it is uncharacteristic of Toby to be so generous. It's almost as if he wants to keep people from digging too deeply into the prank, make them think that everything in the office is going swimmingly and that Jim's guilty verdict is a foregone conclusion. Dwight rubs his eyes. There's nothing incriminating on Toby's desk, however, and the two salesmen return to work feeling defeated. As the day draws to a close, Michael steps out of his office with an announcement." "Everyone! Before you leave work please try and tidy up your workspace a bit. Charles Miner is coming to visit tomorrow and we've been told to be on our best behavior. Well, I have, but I assume he meant all of you as well." Jim and Dwight exchange another look, this one of fear. "Michael," Jim says with a quiver in his voice, "WHY is C-C-Charles coming by?" "Oh, because he's the prosecutor in your trial, Jim. In fact, he personally requested the position. Tomorrow he's gathering evidence, and then Friday he said he's planning to take a half day 'after cooking Jim's rear end'. His exact words" Jim soils himself for the camera. Next time: Investigation Day Two: The Case of the Purloined Prank
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Sep 13, 2023 14:39
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A Fancy Hat posted:Jim slyly edits a prank from years ago, then mugs for the camera, wondering if anyone will ever catch it. Gotcha
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Sep 13, 2023 15:17
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Jim decides to have a quiet Tuesday but Dwight is already in full manic mode from the constant harassment and ends up choking Jim out before lunch. The police are never called since everyone hates Jim.
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Sep 13, 2023 15:35
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jim darts across the office and, lashing out with the speed of a striking cobra, sinks his index finger into dwight's rear end in a top hat, up to the knuckle
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Sep 13, 2023 16:15
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| # ? May 31, 2024 17:27 |
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Jim swaps the Insert and Delete keys on Dwights keyboard
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Sep 13, 2023 16:26
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