r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; I LITERALLY SLEEP IN A RACING CAR. DO YOU?
p.s. ask me about my subscription mattress; Ultra Carp

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITAH for rejecting my boyfriend's ultimatum about an open relationship

Why did she even post this when she's so clearly the rear end in a top hat?

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Nov 6, 2023 01:33

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# ? May 16, 2024 02:44

well why not: Feb 10, 2009

she should not run; but gladly skip away from that fool

# ? Nov 6, 2023 01:34

deoju: Jul 11, 2004; All the pieces matter.; Nap Ghost

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITAH for rejecting my boyfriend's ultimatum about an open relationship

at this dipshit having his bluff called but then calling her controlling.

deoju fucked around with this message at 02:07 on Nov 6, 2023

# ? Nov 6, 2023 02:04

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for not playing violin at my boyfriend sisters wedding?

Is it common for a 17-year-old male to be such a manipulative rear end in a top hat? Where did he learn this behavior, his parents?

# ? Nov 6, 2023 02:46

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITAH for rejecting my boyfriend's ultimatum about an open relationship

I hope to Heaven everybody is screaming "He's already picked somebody he wants to cheat with, don't bother."

# ? Nov 6, 2023 02:49

Nebrilos: Oct 9, 2012

Cowslips Warren posted:

at 17 you are pretty much babysitting a 10 year old. and nice to assume she could even get the day off.

AITAH for rejecting my boyfriend's ultimatum about an open relationship

How is she stifling his freedom? By dumping him, she is giving him complete freedom to strike out with every woman in town!

# ? Nov 6, 2023 03:39

well why not: Feb 10, 2009

someone tried the �you are stifling my freedom by insisting on monogamy/it is patriarchal to deny me who I want� and shockingly, we are not together any more.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 03:50

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

comedy option: agree to the open relationship and just keep getting dicked down by randoms to your hearts content until he implodes because the one person he thought he could get isn't interested

# ? Nov 6, 2023 04:56

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

She just needs to have a Tinder account for 24 hours and can flaunt the results of that in his face.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 05:06

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

AceClown posted:

comedy option: agree to the open relationship and just keep getting dicked down by randoms to your hearts content until he implodes because the one person he thought he could get isn't interested

Tale as old as time

# ? Nov 6, 2023 05:15

Tarkus: Aug 27, 2000

SulfurMonoxideCute posted:

She just needs to have a Tinder account for 24 hours and can flaunt the results of that in his face.

Yeah but then she'd have to interact with Tinder men.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 05:17

CommissarMega: Nov 18, 2008; THUNDERDOME LOSER

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Tale as old as time

I still remember that one where the bi guy said he didn't want to count the dudes he had been banging too, causing the girl (who had wanted the relationship) to melt down :allears:

EDIT: A blast from the past everyone can enjoy!

quote:

My(20m) gf(24f) wanted an open relationship and is now mad at me and wants it closed.

So, me and my gf started dating roughly a year ago. It's a grey spot as to when we really started dating or I'd give an exact date.

So, three months ago, my gf comes to tell me she'd like to have an open relationship, experiment a little, etc. She's only slept with one guy before me, she wants to know what's out there, yatta yatta. Yeah, I was hurt, I expressed that I wasn't super keen on it, but she insisted. I figured she probably has someone lined up, and it's not like I plan to marry this girl, so whatever. Be free.

I lamented for a few days until my ex messaged me. She wanted to meet up, get some closure, cool beans. We go out, we talk a bit, she just got out of a relationship and I explain I'm apparently in an open one. She gave me a semi-pained look because she (and my gf) are aware of how much I value monogamy. We stayed and talked for a few more hours, I went to her place things almost got intimate and I stopped her until she mentioned it was an open relationship now. I nodded and didn't really not want sex, so we did it.

It really restored my confidence and helped me start to get into the open relationship thing. I'm a bi top so I ended up reinstalling grindr and haven't had a night where I can't find somethibg or someone to do. My gf and I occasionally had sex, and we still spoke to each other and stuff, but I never really mentioned who or how many people I was sleeping with. Afterall, she said this was about freedom, and I feel free as a bird. I still get to experience emotional comfort, affection, etc. With my gf and try new things and meet new people.

About two months ago I stopped feeling so depressed all the time and I started to work out more since one of the guys I've been sleeping with is really into yoga and cardio and asked if I'd like to get into it. I've lost a little over 20lb since and I'm still overweight but I physically feel much better.

Today, my gf shes really happy about the way things are and I couldn't have agreed more. I gave her a kiss and got up to go meet up with a girl my ex introduced me to. She really sweet, cute, overall a very fun person. The only other girl I've slept with since this started was my ex. I learned today I'm into a new kink and left after it was over. I walk into the house and gf is all over me. I start to undress, she start to give me head and stops 3 seconds in and asks me where I'd just been. I explain what happened and she gets up and tells me when need to talk.

I get dressed, sit on the couch with her, and she asks me if I've been sleeping with other people. I was like, yeah no poo poo it's an open relationship. She asked how many and I said I wasn't keeping track. Apparently that's the wrong loving answer because she burst into tears. She's only slept with two other dudes and it was just so she knew what her options were. I explained that she was free to do that and during that time I explored my options as well. She asked how many women I'd slept with. I said 2. She got mad and started screaming at me as to how I could lose count at two. I probably should have shut up right then and there, but instead I said, "Because I'd have to add the dudes in."

She went to the bedroom and cried for a while. About an hour ago she came out and demanded I: close the relationship, never speak to anyone I've been sleeping with again, and never talk about it again or she'd leave me.

????? I genuinely don't understand what she expected. She knew I was bi when we were just friends of friends. Why does it matter who I sleep with? I was genuinely enjoying being free like she told me to and I assumed she was too. It's not like I slept with her friends or anything, it was mostly dudes. And as much as I enjoy her companionship, I like the freedom this entails and I like having someone to work out with. I like learning about what I enjoy sexually. I'm having fun the EXACT way she asked me to. It's not like she wasn't sleeping with those guys frequently, so I don't get why she's upset. Why is what I did not okay?

quote:

Update

So, she came home at 12am to tell me she'd completed her "last hurrah" and was ready to talk. When I asked her what she meant she stated she slept with someone else for the last time and she was willing to call things even. She restated the terms, meaning I'd lose my workout buddy, the sweet girl I met today, my ex who cheered me up, and a few other dudes who I now speak to casually who I've slept with. I said I wasn't sure and I had some questions for her and she was willing to at least talk about things. I asked her if the two men she'd slept with she'd lined up before and she said yes. She admitted she found them more physically attractive than me and that was her motivation for it, that she, "didn't want to live life never knowing what it's like." When I asked her what she meant, she meant sleeping with someone who was fit. I was a little hurt, but I knew she wasn't really "wrong" so to speak. I'm not fit, it's something I'm working on, but I'm a little upset that her motivation had nothing to do with exploration and freedom outside of visuals. That it wasn't the sex but my body. That it wasn't even my personality, but the way I look and how much I weigh. I'd like to take a second and point out I actually weigh less than her overall. I'm 6'2" and 255lb and she's 5'3" 305lb. I've never had an issue with her weight, even the things that we couldn't do as a result didn't bother me.

She admitted she didn't think I could, and I quote, "con anyone into sleeping with you". She went on to say she doesn't understand how someone would want only to sleep with me and not the emotional stuff. I won't lie, I got mad, and I said some mean and vindictive things to hurt her because I felt hurt. I shouldn't have lost my cool and I did. I've posted the mean things she's said, so I don't feel it's right for me not to admit what I said. I told asked her how she managed to get these guys to sleep with her more than once and that lying down like the beached whale she was and gargling on her own spit was far from my ideal sexual partner but I never decided I'd rather gently caress someone else because of it. Apparently it hit too close to home because one of the guys would't talk to her anymore and the other dude told her she needed to be more proactive in bed. She called me a human being and I told at least men want me to gently caress them and she started to crying. We yelled at each other for a while until it turned into me yelling at her while she cried until I left.

I realized how much more hurt I was about the whole open relationship thing and really unloaded on her. A lot of you liked to point out that I didn't plan to marry her, I want to remind you all this was 9 months into a relationship at 20 years old that I said yes. I'm not the brightest, but I don't think normally 20 year old men are planning to marry someone that early on when I don't have any real money or my own house and my car is a beater. I genuinely cared about her and before this I was planning to get an apartment with her. I'd saved up money and took her somewhere nice every month despite not having a lot of money. I'd participated in the relationship in ways I'd never felt compelled to before until she asked for an open relationship. I stayed up the first night alone crying because she didn't come home and she had the dude pick her up from her place while I was over and asked me to watch her place while she was gone. I kept thinking about if she got pregnant with someone else's kid and it tore me up. I didn't even feel like a man anymore. I said the next few days my ex messaged me, but when I look over the text and call logs it was two full weeks of me just going to work, coming home, and going to bed. I was hurt that my ex noticed how broken I was over this and that my girlfriend had bragged about how much fun she'd had her first night. It was a deep visceral pain that I buried with sex and I was so drat mad she had the audacity to be hurt over it. How dare she hurt me like that and then get mad at me for just to regain my confidence and make the best of things. I was furious, and it all spilled out at once.

I'm home, my roommate is home and he's making some cake and tea for us to eat and talk because I'm a mess right now. My workout buddy is coming over and offered to sleep (like, cuddling, not sex) with me tonight because he knows how much I was hurt about this. He's actually pulling in the drive way right now.

I'll try to respond to comments but I don't know how much longer we'll be up.

Tl;Dr We had a nasty breakup and I'm safe and at home with people.

Edit: I get she's my ex and all, but you guys really don't have to insult her weight. It was poor mannered of me to take that jab at her and it's not very kind. Although I don't think being overweight should be glorified (or normalized for that matter), but it's not very nice. Call people out for the things they say and the way they behave, not their appearance.

Edit 2: "he slept with 2 girls and some men from grindr. Obviously he's an incel" I think the word you're looking for is slut. I have low standards for looks and I offer to supply the weed in hookups, I could be 700lb and smell like anchovies and people would show up. Plus I offer to cook food for people and make breakfast for them if they spend the night, like I'm doing rn for workout bro since he has work in a few hours.

Final Edit: I love you all, except for that dude who told me my life will be an eternal hell for my sins and debauchery or something like that. I'm going to take a nap since I woke up to make gymbro food after like 2 hours of sleep. He'll be coming over later today to hang out. I'm much better but still very tired. Muah, be safe and use rubbers!

# ? Nov 6, 2023 05:19

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

I am always amazed at cis straight dudes who think they can get anyone they want once they're in an Open Relationship and their girl is at home trying to keep impressing them. I don't know many women who leap at the idea of "wow he's so great, he's in an Open Relationship so he can bang me nonstop because he's so awesome!'

My friend's husband has been bothering her about opening their marriage. The dude doesn't seem to realize as a balding overweight man, he is not precisely the cream of the crop. Oh, and he is very much a "women, stay in the kitchen" mindset.

WIBTA if I asked my bf to stop poop-moaning?

quote:

I'll cut straight to it- my (29f) bf (32m) audibly (like from several rooms away) moans and groans when he poops. I'm sure he must think I can't hear him but I can, even when I put music or tv or something on to try to drown it out. We don't live in a huge space and the walls aren't that sound-proof. I know he does have a little bit of a finicky digestive system, but he's apparently fighting for his life in there. (I also have IBS and I know for a fact I don't moan the whole time, I feel like quiet poops should be entirely possible.)

The biggest problem is that these are basically the same noises he makes during sex, and hearing them in connection with pooping is giving me the ick in a huge way. (I'm very confident he's NOT making them because he's *into it*, I think it's like... exertion and relief. But still. And he's not jerkin it, he's a shower/bedroom jerker and he's definitely crappin' in there.)

I feel like I'd want to know if someone could hear me and it was weirding them out, but at the same time I don't feel like there's any way to approach this that isn't humiliating for him.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 05:20

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

He's not pooping

# ? Nov 6, 2023 05:25

mediaphage: Mar 22, 2007; Excuse me, pardon me, sheer perfection coming through

Cowslips Warren posted:

The biggest problem is that these are basically the same noises he makes during sex

lmao oh honey

# ? Nov 6, 2023 05:26

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

CommissarMega posted:

I still remember that one where the bi guy said he didn't want to count the dudes he had been banging too, causing the girl (who had wanted the relationship) to melt down

EDIT: A blast from the past everyone can enjoy!

I love this guy so much, and I hope, wherever he is, he is having great sex with somebody who likes him.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 05:32

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Cowslips Warren posted:

at 17 you are pretty much babysitting a 10 year old. and nice to assume she could even get the day off.

AITAH for rejecting my boyfriend's ultimatum about an open relationship

All the poo poo about cheating etc. that comes with a "lets open up the relationship" talk aside.
Also leaving aside if they are good or not.

An "open relationship" requires both permission, trust and tolerance. This woman said "NO" in the clearest terms. So no permission. She said she can't handle even the idea of him being with someone else. So no tolerance of an open relationship. And she cannot trust him when he is now pouting and begging to be able to gently caress other people.

So he doesn't get his open relationship. Bingo Bango.

Also he shouldn't have his current relationship, as it seems like he doesn't care about OPs feelings, wants or needs. Even in his asking, it was all about "I want freedom. You are stifling/controlling me." Nothing about her.

Mate, if you want that kind of freedom, you can dump this poor girl and have it, without guilt tripping her and stringing you along so you can gently caress the someone else you really want to gently caress.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 06:05

Festus The Fetus: Mar 8, 2010

The vegan thing never got a solid answer. So like in hitchhiker's guide when the beast in the restaurant at the end of the universe, that wants to be killed and eaten... That would be vegan right?

I assume the guy who wanted to be eaten in real life was mentally ill, so I could see that as a disqualication.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 06:08

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

mediaphage posted:

lmao oh honey

She should check the butter supply in the fridge.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 06:18

Elviscat: Jan 1, 2008; Well don't you know I'm caught in a trap?

Mx. posted:

He's not pooping

I mean, maybe, but based on the bathrooms at work there are absolutely guys that just go to town moaning and grunting and sighing, I find it pretty disturbing, personally.

Relevant video.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 06:20

well why not: Feb 10, 2009

my old office building had shared bathrooms with a few companies and the head of a pretty high end architecture firm would poo poo his loving guts out about 20 times a day, loudly. it sounded like someone getting a deep tissue massage while hosing a driveway.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 06:28

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

AITA for telling my sister that men find her intimidating and to chill?

quote:

My (f30) older sister, Aoife (f34) have moved back to our home town recently. She doesn�t really know anyone here apart from our family so when my husband and I were having a small get together with his work mates, I decided to invite her (along with a few of my female friends).

My sister is a very accomplished woman and a lot of men would find that intimidating. She runs an online business (an actual business not an MLM) and is successful at that and recently she did her masters degree in Spain (it�s her second masters degree).

I took her to the side and warned her that perhaps she should be mindful of what she tells people about herself and to perhaps not mention everything she does.

She seemed confused for some reason and asked what I meant by that. I told her that perhaps if she mentions her work, she shouldn�t mention her international degrees because her independence can be emasculating.

She asked me what else and I though it was a genuine question (turns out she was baiting me to bite my head off) and I told her to shut up about all the languages she speaks, no one cares. She said she doesn�t unless asked and I said it didn�t matter.

She kept asking what else so I gave her my advice. I told her to not mention that she does sword fighting or archery. Most of my husband mates are gamers and they fantasies about doing that but are too lazy to do it irl and it would be too intimidating to them. I told her she should mention that she does dance because it�s something men like, especially since it�s tango and cumbia.

I said it�s okay to mention that she swims because it shows that she�s fit but to shut up about her publishing her book because again, that�s intimidating with her also having degrees and business and just stick to one.

I told her she should be careful how many hobbies she mentions because it shows she doesn�t have time for a man in her life and should perhaps tone it down a bit.

I expected her to thank me for the advice. But what she said shocked me. She said �wow, you really are an rear end in a top hat, aren�t you?�

I was so surprised that I didn�t know what to say. She continued �I always knew you were mean but this takes the cake.�

And I�m genuinely confused, she asked me for advice and I tried to be helpful. She baited me and now she�s blaming me for giving her the advice she asked for.

She left the party early and haven�t spoken to me since (that was last night). I called our mum and told her what happened and she told me I was way out of line and should focus on my marriage because it�s falling apart. I told my mum she was rude and I ended the call.

I�m not crying in my bathroom, they�re all so mean to me and I�ve just tried to be helpful and even my mother agrees with Aoife. Was I really in the wrong? Am I the rear end in a top hat?

# ? Nov 6, 2023 06:33

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Aoife sounds cool as hell.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 06:36

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

OP is arguing aggressively in the comments on a different account.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 06:38

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

I can't believe she baited me into continuing to make the lovely insecure arguments I was already making!

# ? Nov 6, 2023 06:42

Blue Moonlight: Apr 28, 2005; Bitter and Sarcastic

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for telling my sister that men find her intimidating and to chill?

quote:
I called our mum and told her what happened and she told me I was way out of line and should focus on my marriage because it�s falling apart.

Even the OP�s mom has had enough of her bullshit.

Somehow, I about Aoife would be content with the sort of man who would find her accomplishments to be emasculating.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 06:43

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Blue Moonlight posted:

Even the OP�s mom has had enough of her bullshit.

Somehow, I about Aoife would be content with the sort of man who would find her accomplishments to be emasculating.

But they ALL do and I love her so I want her to tie herself down and pop out babies!

# ? Nov 6, 2023 06:50

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for telling my sister that men find her intimidating and to chill?

OP sounds not only super mid, but deeply committed to the position that a woman should never be more than that.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 06:58

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; I LITERALLY SLEEP IN A RACING CAR. DO YOU?
p.s. ask me about my subscription mattress; Ultra Carp

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for telling my sister that men find her intimidating and to chill?

She doesn't need a man, she's already Aoife

# ? Nov 6, 2023 07:33

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for telling my sister that men find her intimidating and to chill?

I'm having a hard time here believing this wasn't written by a dude:

quote:

No one�s asking her to pretend, just to make herself more approachable. Imagine being a dude who wishes did archery and plays as an archer online every day. And then comes a woman who does it and it�s like she took his balls because it�s his dream and she�s the one doing it. How could he be attracted to her then

# ? Nov 6, 2023 07:34

well why not: Feb 10, 2009

super easily tbh

# ? Nov 6, 2023 07:35

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

Yeah that'd be super hot.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 07:37

Barudak: May 7, 2007

It is intimidating to have your mettle tested, firing from your rapidly lightening quiver, knowing the hopelessness of your efforts in the face of the foe, abandoning the dream of life and desperate only to be deemed worthy of Aoife to ask you to join her in the eternal hunt in the woods beyond the shade.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 07:40

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

lol bolding mine:

quote:

Who said anything about making herself smaller? She should make herself approachable. What guy would want a girl who fights with swords or shoots arrows. Why would they find that attractive when they can have a cute wife that doesn�t go to forest twice a month with a bunch of other guys to shoot some arrows. No wonder shes the only one of 3 women in her group. Well, she used to do that before she moved back, luckily she stopped now but I worry she�ll find another group to join

lots of them, like fuckin loads

# ? Nov 6, 2023 07:41

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Imagine being at a party and some unadorned landsknecht none have ever heard of shows up and as the room grows to a raucous din as rumors swirl and accusations of his unworth and the crowd gathers around him it is seen he bears the token of Lady Aoife and the room falls deathly silent, the detractors slinking back to the corners.

God it would be so embarrassing to be that man.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 07:46

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

I get the feeling a lot of people double and triple down hearing that kinda thing because if they're not wrong then they've been wasting their entire lives trying to live up to standards no one actually cares about anymore.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 07:50

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

AceClown posted:

I'm having a hard time here believing this wasn't written by a dude:

Good loving god are regular straight people ever loving neurotic.

# ? Nov 6, 2023 07:54

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

My(25F) boyfriend(27M) says it�s unfair for him to not sleep around when I�m out of town

quote:

Boyfriend says it�s unfair to him if he doesn�t sleep around when I�m out of town

Basically the title. I�ve speed dated him for a month. He brought up he�d want to sleep around when I�m out of town for a month because he doesn�t want to �virginise� himself. I said I�m not ok with it and he says �ok I won�t do it then because I don�t want us to break things off due to this- but this is unfair.� His reasoning is biologically men want to sleep around.

My gut says that I don�t feel safe with him and don�t trust him 100% no matter how many times he says he won�t do it.

Should I go to therapy and be ok with it or should I break it off from him ?

# ? Nov 6, 2023 07:57

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

go to therapy and break it off with him
grow a spine

# ? Nov 6, 2023 07:59

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 16, 2024 02:44

mailorder bees: Nov 4, 2011; FLUFFERNUTTER

i know plenty of girls who want a girl that fights with swords and shoots arrows

# ? Nov 6, 2023 08:04

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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