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Kurieg posted:CPS won't let her share a room with an adult for reasons that her parents won't explain, probably related to child abuse. And apparently her previous foster home would lock her in her room at night, which is why she has these issues. EDIT: That said I'm not saying it's okay for the 14 year old to have her sleep interrupted every night. It's not. If the 10 year old goes back into the system, especially with issues as severe as she has, it's basically inevitable that she's going to be abused further. That's also not okay. The best solution probably is for the 14 year old to stay with a friend's family while the renovations are finished, and hopefully the 10 year old will use the baby monitor to call the mom if the 14 year old isn't there to wake up. It sounds like the mom is willing to be the one handling everything with the 10 year old at night, she's getting up every time to be the one soothing her, but as long as they're sharing a room she's going to wake up the 14 year old first. Another solution needs to happen because she's going to need to be able to call the mom without leaving her room once she does have her own room. PetraCore fucked around with this message at 17:08 on Nov 14, 2023 |
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Nov 14, 2023 17:02
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hallo spacedog posted:I feel like this isn't the first story we've had about vintage cereal box collectors and it's very weird to me that this is even a thing. I get it, a bit weird that it's a relatively young person though. Childhood foods hold a lot of nostalgia, and cereal boxes tend to be visually striking and have a bunch of variants, so it's kind of an ideal collector's item, if you're that way inclined.
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Nov 14, 2023 17:10
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Halloween Jack posted:The reason the parents don't want to do this is that then 2 or 3 children would be complaining about this situation, and they'd have to figure their poo poo out. Not just building the bedroom, but transitioning her to sleeping by herself, which is also not going to be easy. Easier to just dump this on their least favourite kid and threaten her with punishments when she complains. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she ends up voluntold to sleep in her cousin's room and continue to be her nurse. In comments she says that her cousin isn't willing to wake up the mom on her own even if she has a baby monitor or other means of alerting her, and left on her own will pee/poop in the bed if OP doesn't fetch her mom to take the cousin to the bathroom, so unless getting her own bedroom turns out to be massively healing for the cousin's trauma the parents' only options are 1) leave their niece to cry alone all night in her own excrement or 2) force their 14-year-old to continue providing round-the-clock nurse services. They know this, of course, which is why they've backburnered construction on the room. Why bother building a new room if it's just going to have the same problem as the old room? They're doing the bare minimum to provide a fig leaf justification for the heroic levels of sacrifice that one kid has been singled out for. The 14-year-old is a fuckin' saint and rather than even getting acknowledgement she's getting treated as a troublemaker for venting. Yeah, I'm sure that after caring for a traumatized 10-year-old the parents probably don't have a lot of bandwidth for their own daughter, but unlike her they chose to be in this situation. It's the right choice, but it's a hard choice, and they're offloading that burden onto their own child that is not remotely equipped to deal with it.
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Nov 14, 2023 17:17
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the holy poopacy posted:In comments she says that her cousin isn't willing to wake up the mom on her own even if she has a baby monitor or other means of alerting her, and left on her own will pee/poop in the bed if OP doesn't fetch her mom to take the cousin to the bathroom, so unless getting her own bedroom turns out to be massively healing for the cousin's trauma the parents' only options are 1) leave their niece to cry alone all night in her own excrement or 2) force their 14-year-old to continue providing round-the-clock nurse services. EDIT: Rather than relying on the 14 year old getting woken up, I mean. An adult is developmentally going to be able to handle the interrupted sleep better than a 14 year old with school and other concerns to take care of, and if there's a set time for mom to see if her niece is okay and needs to use the bathroom it might help? Especially since the mom would need to get up anyway. I feel like the parents probably think it's 'not a big deal' because 'all 14 year old has to do is fetch her mom', but sleep is really important at that age. PetraCore fucked around with this message at 17:24 on Nov 14, 2023 |
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Nov 14, 2023 17:22
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hallo spacedog posted:I feel like this isn't the first story we've had about vintage cereal box collectors and it's very weird to me that this is even a thing. 
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Nov 14, 2023 17:29
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Flora Finching posted:The biggest ball of twine is in Cawker City Kansas and it is redolent of piss
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Nov 14, 2023 17:31
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of? with? one of those
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Nov 14, 2023 17:34
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the holy poopacy posted:In comments she says that her cousin isn't willing to wake up the mom on her own even if she has a baby monitor or other means of alerting her, and left on her own will pee/poop in the bed if OP doesn't fetch her mom to take the cousin to the bathroom, so unless getting her own bedroom turns out to be massively healing for the cousin's trauma the parents' only options are 1) leave their niece to cry alone all night in her own excrement or 2) force their 14-year-old to continue providing round-the-clock nurse services. You know, I think this is a case where there just aren't any good solutions, just varying degrees of lovely ones. I wonder if the parents have a master suite with their own bathroom... If so, would it be possible to move 10F into that room so maybe she won't freak out about leaving the room to go use the bathroom at night? It also wouldn't be as big of a deal to have the kid turn all the lights on if they were scared? Parents would have to suck it up and move to the living room or playroom. But that might also kick their asses into gear to finish the new bedroom? But CPS might have a problem with that too? I have no real good solutions here. Someone is going to be mad and someone is going to get their sleep hosed up no matter what. It just shouldn't be the 14 YO.
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Nov 14, 2023 17:47
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blackmet posted:I have no real good solutions here. Someone is going to be mad and someone is going to get their sleep hosed up no matter what. It just shouldn't be the 14 YO.
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Nov 14, 2023 17:59
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reddit user "screamingcousin" informs us that they "don't know" if their cousin is seeing a therapist, which means that they're not. But it's hard on everyone and everyone is just doing the best they can 
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Nov 14, 2023 18:03
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Halloween Jack posted:reddit user "screamingcousin" informs us that they "don't know" if their cousin is seeing a therapist, which means that they're not. But it's hard on everyone and everyone is just doing the best they can Wrong post. The user for this post is sharingroompost who says that her cousin is in therapy. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ut7oi/comment/k960kaw/ DreamingofRoses fucked around with this message at 18:09 on Nov 14, 2023 |
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Nov 14, 2023 18:06
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Here's the thing...the fourteen year old is a teenager just starting high school. They likely don't have the capacity to understand that kind of trauma. Instead they're learning that she's "traumatized" which to her means that she has to suffer the consequences for an indefinite period of time, leading to her hating the kid and maybe developing a lovely attitude towards abuse victims in general.
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Nov 14, 2023 18:07
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Pope Corky the IX posted:Here's the thing...the fourteen year old is a teenager just starting high school. They likely don't have the capacity to understand that kind of trauma. Instead they're learning that she's "traumatized" which to her means that she has to suffer the consequences for an indefinite period of time, leading to her hating the kid and maybe developing a lovely attitude towards abuse victims in general.
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Nov 14, 2023 18:09
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It takes like a week tops to build an interior wall even if you're an amateur going off YouTube videos.
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Nov 14, 2023 18:13
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DreamingofRoses posted:Wrong post. The user for this post is sharingroompost who says that her cousin is in therapy. Pope Corky the IX posted:Here's the thing...the fourteen year old is a teenager just starting high school. They likely don't have the capacity to understand that kind of trauma. Instead they're learning that she's "traumatized" which to her means that she has to suffer the consequences for an indefinite period of time, leading to her hating the kid and maybe developing a lovely attitude towards abuse victims in general. quote:I slept in my sister's room last night and now nobody's talking to me quote:I tried that last night and now nobody will talk to me. My sister won't even drive me to school. I had to ask our neighbor to drive me.
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Nov 14, 2023 18:17
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Halloween Jack posted:Ah, my mistake. Apparently they "tried" a baby monitor but the 10yo "wouldn't" use it. I wonder how hard they tried. Aren't most baby monitors sound-activated, since babies can't operate electronic devices?
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Nov 14, 2023 18:20
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OP mentioned in a couple comments that she stayed in her sister's room last night, which seems like it happened after the original post and after the urging of the threadquote:I slept in my sister's room last night and now nobody's talking to me quote:I tried that last night and now nobody will talk to me. My sister won't even drive me to school. I had to ask our neighbor to drive me. And here's why everyone's mad at her: quote:I left her in my room last night and she poo poo herself and vomited then cried until my sister went to check on her and got our mom. I don't know what she'll do in her own room. This really seems like it's way beyond reddit aita shenanigans and into a "these poor kids need immediate professional intervention" situation because OP is 14. Not an adult, not a parent, not remotely qualified to deal with this. And her parents aren't doing anything helpful for either OP or the cousin.
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Nov 14, 2023 18:22
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Yeah, I'm done with that one, the situation is horrifying.
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Nov 14, 2023 18:25
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Baronjutter posted:It takes like a week tops to build an interior wall even if you're an amateur going off YouTube videos. Sure, but if you need actual permits then you need time for applications & approvals, engineering & plans, various inspections, etc. And CPS probably has their own set of approvals/inspections that need to happen as well. It’s all a giant bureaucratic pain in the rear end. Not to excuse the parents cause making the 14-yo’s life hell isn’t a solution but it’s more than just throwing up some framing and drywall.
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Nov 14, 2023 18:28
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Cowslips Warren posted:I mean there are some solutions that would help the 14-year-old and 10 year old both. You could have the mom sleep with the 10-year-old in that room and let the 14-year-old sleep elsewhere. You could have the mom and the 10-year-old sleep on an air mattress somewhere so the 14-year-old can keep her room. The 14-year-old should not be responsible for her 10-year-old cousin, or be her night Mom, and she certainly doesn't deserve to be grounded for refusing to be parent-fied in that way. All of these options have already been pointed out as not viable. No the adult foster parent cannot sleep in the room with the child, and the room has to have 4 walls so the kid isn't vulnerable to abusers while sleeping. For the same reasons, they don't put teens who are 16, 17 etc in rooms with young foster kids. The exact age varies from place to place but this isn't just a normal family situation where you can put the kid wherever they fit - they can only put the kid in a room with another kid, or their own room. They risk losing the kid if they break these rules. They are in this situation because of the rules set up by CPS, with good reason. You basically suggested calling CPS on CPS lol
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Nov 14, 2023 18:34
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Rotating which kid is keeping the 10 year old company at night might at least share the burden a bit.
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Nov 14, 2023 18:36
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Yeah for sure. I'm willing to bet they didn't realize how long the extra room would take to build as well. The whole thing reads like everyone has been cramped up too long and is getting upset, understandably so. EDIT: Just saw this post Arc Light posted:This really seems like it's way beyond reddit aita shenanigans and into a "these poor kids need immediate professional intervention" situation because OP is 14. Not an adult, not a parent, not remotely qualified to deal with this. And her parents aren't doing anything helpful for either OP or the cousin. Ooof yeah ok something seriously bad happened to this kid and they parents are really not taking seriously how this is gonna go once the foster kid gets their own room. That is a serious problem. StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 18:42 on Nov 14, 2023 |
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Nov 14, 2023 18:38
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With the updates I'm pretty sure it's a matter of time before the 10yo is put back in foster. If CPS hears the 14yo's version of events and what's been happening I'm pretty sure they'd lose the niece and maybe a few of their own kids along with her.
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Nov 14, 2023 18:42
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Yeah the niece could very well go back in the system either way, yikes
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Nov 14, 2023 18:44
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StrangersInTheNight posted:They are in this situation because of the rules set up by CPS
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Nov 14, 2023 18:44
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Very tough situation and historically the answer was to throw those kids to the wolves of institutional care. The most appropriate to me is the 14yr old and 17yr old share a room (hopefully big enough for a divider partition) and the parents to have a rostered check in every couple hours as suggested by a previous poster on the vulnerable one.
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Nov 14, 2023 18:45
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StrangersInTheNight posted:Yeah for sure. I'm willing to bet they didn't realize how long the extra room would take to build as well. The whole thing reads like everyone has been cramped up too long and is getting upset, understandably so. It's not actually about the space. Solutions that would take the 14 year old out of the existing room (moving in with her older sister or staying at a friend's house) are regarded as unacceptable. The 10-year-old basically needs full time professional care at this point but our social services are a sad joke so instead a highschool freshman is being asked to fill the gap. Ravus Ursus posted:With the updates I'm pretty sure it's a matter of time before the 10yo is put back in foster. Yeah  And unfortunately it's unclear that any other home is going to be able to meet the kid's needs either.Halloween Jack posted:You just keep repeating this. I have seen no evidence that it is true. OP does mention it in a comment although she probably only has her parents' word. I suspect they're actually telling the truth though as I'd think having the mom stay with the niece would actually make their situation better, given that she has to get up anyhow. EDIT: Although I suppose it could just be that OP is enough of a black sheep that the parents lie about the feasibility of even mutually beneficial alternate arrangements out of sheer spite. That's a level of hatred above and beyond what's demonstrated in OP's post and comments though. the holy poopacy fucked around with this message at 19:03 on Nov 14, 2023 |
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Nov 14, 2023 18:50
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Halloween Jack posted:You just keep repeating this. I have seen no evidence that it is true. I keep saying it varies from state to state but here's a few bits of info that give you an idea of the sorts of stipulations CPS can have for housing across the US - size of the room, who is in it, age and number of occupants, etc. btw, you have thumbs and can Google this poo poo as well: https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubpdfs/homestudyreqs.pdf Childwelfare.gov posted:"The home must have a sufficient number of bedrooms for all family members that are large enough to provide each child adequate space for his or her safety, privacy, and comfort. the holy poopacy posted:It's not actually about the space. Solutions that would take the 14 year old out of the existing room (moving in with her older sister or staying at a friend's house) are regarded as unacceptable. The 10-year-old basically needs full time professional care at this point but our social services are a sad joke so instead a highschool freshman is being asked to fill the gap. Yeah the update about what happened when the niece was left alone was dire, and has shifted my position on it. This isn't just night nursing and getting the parents when the kid has an issue, this is something way bigger. CPS would absolutely have something to say about the niece being left alone all night to poo poo themselves, for sure. My experience with CPS comes from family experiences and, a sister who works in child welfare so I'm a bit cynical; CPS will handle open neglect, but they wouldn't necessarily be upset at the 14yo being left in the room to care for the 10yo unfortunately. It would really depend on the state laws and the specific CPS agent's decision. To a lot of them, someone taking care of the kid is better than no one. Like you said, our social services are a joke and CPS is happy to let a teenager be the stopgap solution. It's....not a great system we have. StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 19:11 on Nov 14, 2023 |
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Nov 14, 2023 18:59
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StrangersInTheNight posted:I keep saying it varies from state to state but here's a few bits of info that give you an idea of the sorts of stipulations CPS can have for housing across the US - size of the room, who is in it, age and number of occupants, etc. btw, you have thumbs and can Google this poo poo as well: Edit: I also really don't see CPS saying that she absolutely can't sleep in the parents' room for any reason (including puking and making GBS threads herself in terror) but it's 100% okay for her to share a room with her 14 year old cousin. Seriously, who believes that CPS gave their blessing to this specific dysfunctional setup and not any other? Halloween Jack fucked around with this message at 19:13 on Nov 14, 2023 |
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Nov 14, 2023 19:09
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StrangersInTheNight posted:I keep saying it varies from state to state but here's a few bits of info that give you an idea of the sorts of stipulations CPS can have for housing across the US - size of the room, who is in it, age and number of occupants, etc. btw, you have thumbs and can Google this poo poo as well:
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Nov 14, 2023 19:10
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Yeah, absolutely - like I said, the update changes things for sure. But folks absolutely need to realize, it's really not as simple as switching rooms. The rules for living spaces for fosters come into play, leaving it so this poor 14yo is pushed into filling a huge gap left by society and bureaucracy.
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Nov 14, 2023 19:14
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The rules which you keep insisting definitely exist even though there's no evidence, the OP never mentioned it, and you made them up.
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Nov 14, 2023 19:17
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Halloween Jack posted:I've been Googling, and I can't find any regulations that say a 10 year old foster kid can share a room with a 14 year old but not a 16 or 17 year old. OP also never mentioned it. At this point you're either being intentionally obtuse, or you truly don't grasp there's no one single law about this. Basically, I can't figure out if you're actually this stupid, or just playing at being this dumb. But either way the answer is the same: you'd need to look into your local regulations but the primer from the federal govt I posted shows that there's specific laws governing the housing of foster children in every municipality, including how kids many are allowed in a room and what ages, as well as no adults ever with them in a majority of states. You don't just get to mix it up as you please. CPS likely doesn't know about the making GBS threads herself in terror while left alone, sounds like it just happened, and when they learn, their reaction won't be to leave the child with the people who did that but let her sleep in their bedroom. StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 19:27 on Nov 14, 2023 |
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Nov 14, 2023 19:22
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"I've linked a PDF which proves that laws exist. If you don't believe in the existence of a hypothetical law I just made up, the burden of proof is on you to prove that it doesn't exist. Just Google it"
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Nov 14, 2023 19:24
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Can we move the gently caress on? (edit: I’m removing the rest for being unnecessarily aggressive, sorry Halloween Jack) Edit for content: How can I (28f) ask my autistic boyfriend (33m) to break up with me in a respectful way? quote:My boyfriend broke up our 2-year relationship a few months ago during a lunch break. Less than a day goes by until he's regretful and wants to try again. I take him back. Now he cannot agree not to dump me the same way again. Fixed formatting. DreamingofRoses fucked around with this message at 19:38 on Nov 14, 2023 |
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Nov 14, 2023 19:25
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DreamingofRoses posted:Can we move the gently caress on? (edit: I’m removing the rest for being unnecessarily aggressive, sorry Halloween Jack) quote:which also triggers my BPD when we really get into the heat of things
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Nov 14, 2023 19:39
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You'd think one of the most popular subreddits on a popular website would have someone in charge and knowledgeable enough to say "please disregard all advice given, contact professionals at _____" but alas
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Nov 14, 2023 19:41
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Sinbad's Sex Tape posted:You'd think one of the most popular subreddits on a popular website would have someone in charge and knowledgeable enough to say "please disregard all advice given, contact professionals at _____" but alas Ah no this is actually strictly forbidden on many subreddits and why you have mostly cops moderating legaladvice for example
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Nov 14, 2023 19:43
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How do I (36F) get my husband (36M) to stop cooking? quote:My husband at some point decided he wanted to start cooking some of our meals. I’m not really sure why. He has never cooked, which was fine because I love cooking. But at first I was like, this will be great! He’s going to contribute more! This will be helpful!
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Nov 14, 2023 19:48
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spite house posted:Speaking as a Los Angeles Person, those restaurant references are also as vanilla as it's possible to get – not to mention déclassé as gently caress. I could have told her she'd meet a loving buster at Mozza in TYOOL 2023. it felt like someone from wisconsin tryna be coastal
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Nov 14, 2023 19:54
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