r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

NGDBSS posted:

Honestly this sounds like the coworker is having autistic meltdowns.

Yeah that's definitely neurodivergence and/or a sensory processing issue

AAM does not consider this and just says to give her a stern talking-to

# ? Nov 17, 2023 21:02

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# ? May 30, 2024 23:46

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

When I got married the first time we hyphenated our last name and from that point on we were at the mercy of whoever was taking information on the other end of the phone, computer, etc. Some people just don't feel like entering hyphenated names correctly, or the system doesn't accept them. So if it's supposed to be Smith-Jones you'll get.

Smith
Jones
Smith Jones
Smithjones
Etc

And every one of those errors can gently caress things up depending on what you're trying to do. I once got pulled over and almost cited for not having insurance because Allstate decided to only use the first half of my last name and that didn't match my drivers license.

I had trouble getting my Pell Grant disbursed in college because I have two last names (Hispanic, no hyphen). My name on file only had my first last name, so the financial aid would get flagged and I'd have to come into the office and show my Social Security card and prove that I was me.

I only figured it out many, many years later when I had issues getting an account set up with an electric company for the same reason when I moved into an apartment. In researching the issue, I also found out someone in Texas had opened a credit card in my name when I was 17 and had never missed a payment in seven years, thus building my credit.

# ? Nov 17, 2023 21:15

Qylvaran: Mar 28, 2010

Hybrid-last-name chat! My wife was still a Chinese citizen when we got married, and China doesn't officially recognize things like name changes performed by another countries government, so she kept her name (to avoid paperwork trouble) until her naturalization process was done, which was another opportunity for a "free" name change.

Well the lady who did her final interview decided she couldn't (or wouldn't) go with our original plan, which was to keep her Chinese surname as a middle name and take my last name, but she could give her a space separated last name. So now everyone we have to give her official name to gets confused. We haven't run into any trouble with air travel yet though.

# ? Nov 17, 2023 21:19

MajorBonnet: May 28, 2009; How did I get here?

There's a fairly famous (among programmers, at least) article describing why all name fields should just be a single free text field:

https://www.kalzumeus.com/2010/06/17/falsehoods-programmers-believe-about-names/

Despite this being ~13 years old, every single place I have worked wants firstname lastname for inputs and good luck convincing the designers/project managers/client otherwise.

# ? Nov 17, 2023 21:23

Big Bowie Bonanza: Dec 30, 2007; please tell me where i can date this cute boy

Batterypowered7 posted:

I had trouble getting my Pell Grant disbursed in college because I have two last names (Hispanic, no hyphen). My name on file only had my first last name, so the financial aid would get flagged and I'd have to come into the office and show my Social Security card and prove that I was me.

I only figured it out many, many years later when I had issues getting an account set up with an electric company for the same reason when I moved into an apartment. In researching the issue, I also found out someone in Texas had opened a credit card in my name when I was 17 and had never missed a payment in seven years, thus building my credit.

I feel so bad for people with Hispanic/Latin American names. We have so many people miss flights because part of their first name is entered as a middle etc and TSA digs in their heels.

# ? Nov 17, 2023 21:23

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

AITA for punishing my 16-year-old step-daughter after we found out she was bullying a kid for being poor

quote:

Hi reddit, about 2 months ago my wife (f38) and I (m41) learned my step-daughter(f16) was bullying a girl in school over being poor, getting free lunch at school and not being able to afford neccessties such as her own car and stuff.

Our daughter was kinda spoiled, we provided her with everything she needed along with an allowance and a part time job at my company (small family service business). We've been considered middle-class, doing things others werent as privileged to do such as buying our daughter a car on her 16th birthday.

I come from a family of immigrants and was considered in poverty growing up, after learning about the bullying i was furious as we thought we didnt raise her to behave that way. She was in honors and top ranking of her class.

I tried to talk to our daughter over why she would do that and i was disturbed to learn it was because she viewed that girl as "trailer trash" which irrated me. The girl from what i learned is very smart and works hard, she bought her own beater car buy herself and works 2 jobs. She considered the money our family had as our families money, so i put her in her place and told her that it was not her money but her mom and I's money.

I decided from that point i was spoiling my daughter too much, we ended up taking away her latest iphone and replacing it with my old iphone 8 (by switching phones with me) with a talk and text plan . We took away her family credit car,sold her car, along with her macbook and other luxuries.

I also told her should would have to find a job without neopotism and work a minimum wage job like everyone else her age, because i'm done giving her handouts if shes gonna act entitled.

Fast forward 2 months later, she is working at a fast food resturant with us driving her around. She doesnt talk to me unless she needs something like a ride but is very upset with me.

My wife feels like i am taking this too far because its affecting her social status and grades and school I however feel like she needs to be humbled because i cant have a daughter who will disrespect people just because the amount of money they have. I also feel that her behaving this way will affect her younger sister (f12) and how she precieves the world.

AITA for punishing my 16-year-old step-daughter after we found out she was bullying a kid for being poor?

Edit:

I also like to add, we took away her MacBook but she still has access to the family computer in the house. Windows computer for school that is powerful (i7 and great gpu) and recently new

She still has wifi access at the house however we did throttle her speed because high speed internet is a privilege, she has fast enough internet to do homework and watch videos that aren�t in HD like Netflix and stuff.

She also isn�t failing, she went from a straight A student to mostly B�s and 2 A�s which I still find great.

AITA for telling my mom I won't help her around the house because that's a woman's job?

quote:

TA and before you get mad from the title there's context.

So, I'm (28m) engaged to be married to my high-school sweetheart. Due to some financial insecurities we used to face we moved back with my parents for a little while until we were able to afford to rent an apartment. I've lived with my parents in the past of course, then moved out with my fianc�e for 2 years. Now we've moved with my parents for a while until the house we want to rent is available which will be in 2 months.

For context I have a married older sister who's in the brink of divorce with her husband because he's doing nothing around the house. He simply comes back from work and sits and plays until he goes to bed while my sister does all of the housework on top of her full time nursing job. My mom believes my sister is unreasonable for her demands towards her husband and believes it's a woman's job to do housework and cater to her husband even if she works a job. Also when I lived with my fianc�e alone she'd always bad mouth my fianc�e for "forcing me" to help around the house and always said how as a woman she's not taking proper care of me, her soon to be husband because I also cooked, cleaned, did chores etc. Even now that we live in my parents house, when we need to do laundry etc I don't expect my fianc�e to be the one to do it. I do it myself many times as well. My mom doesn't like that and claims how my fianc�e has me as a maid.

Now despite all that, my mom demands that I help her around the house when it's housework she wants to do. And I do, I always do my part since I live here but for her it's never enough and I'm a lazy son who doesn't care about helping his mother. After all the ridiculous stuff she's said about my fianc�e and my sister's "traditional roles" I told her than you know what? I'm not helping around. That's a woman's job remember? So don't demand from me to help you with your chores since it's a woman's job and I'm a man. Ofc I keep defending my sister and I keep contributing equally to my fianc�e and I's chores. I just refuse to contribute any helping hands to my mother since she believes she's entitled to help but my fianc�e and sister are supposed to be maids.

My mom has bad mouthed me to the entire family right now and whenever someone visits they scold me and call me an AH basically for being lazy and not helping out my mom. AITA for giving my mom a taste of her own medicine?

Cowslips Warren fucked around with this message at 21:27 on Nov 17, 2023

# ? Nov 17, 2023 21:24

spookykid: Apr 28, 2006; I am an awkward fellow
after all

MarxCarl posted:

and they gave her gas money, She's like Yiff The Otter.

Holy poo poo, I'd never read this story before and .... goddamn :catstare:

VERY NWS/NMS

spookykid fucked around with this message at 21:29 on Nov 17, 2023

# ? Nov 17, 2023 21:26

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

I sort of wish I had changed my last name when my wife and I married, but mine is really unique and hers was the same as the guy who shot JFK. Her mom remarried and had a different name as well.

I felt strongly at the time that if we were to have kids we should all have the same last name. I'm glad we do, but the decision was made 12+ years ago and I wish I had the foresight to realize that we had more choices than just mine or hers.

# ? Nov 17, 2023 21:36

Remulak: Jun 8, 2001; I can't count to four.; Yams Fan

rotinaj posted:

Are you just projecting your personal issues onto a story that hits close to home?

Lol it�s experience, I was pretty clear that my issue was boredom and annoyance for more context I was stuck in a peer group of my kids� friends� parents.

Then we discovered the most important rhyme to teach parents of small children:

quote:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Just because our kids are friends
Doesn�t mean we are too

# ? Nov 17, 2023 21:40

Bobstar: Feb 8, 2006; KartooshFace, you are not responding efficiently!

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for punishing my 16-year-old step-daughter after we found out she was bullying a kid for being poor

Holy Simpsons Frogurt Meme

Cowslips Warren posted:

(f16)
neccessties
her own car

YTA (you're the American)

Cowslips Warren posted:

i was furious as we thought we didnt raise her to behave that way

NTA, for not phrasing it as "we didn't raise her that way" like every other post

Cowslips Warren posted:

her mom and I's money

YTA

Cowslips Warren posted:

(punishment stuff)

NTA

Cowslips Warren posted:

Windows computer

YTA

# ? Nov 17, 2023 21:40

Ravus Ursus: Mar 30, 2017

Pope Corky the IX posted:

I've sent a gift certificate for Archives to Rat Patrol and asked Ravus Ursus what upgrade they'd like. I plan on doing stuff like this more in the future, especially once I reboot the thread in a few weeks. Thank you everyone for contributing and continuing to make this thread what it is.

You the real MVP.

I just gotta figure out what princely image to use as my avatar.

FMguru posted:

Some excellent spite by OP here.

AITAH for telling my parents the only way I will let them meet my son is if they give me their dog to put down

"A stupid mistake" - swearing up and down that you were going to look after your daughter's beloved dog, and then turning right around and killing it, then lying about it. A "mistake".

My pops made a joke about my rabbit being good for a stew once.

Once.

trickybiscuits posted:

Sic semper enablers. Lol!

AAM letter:

Fay needs noise cancelling headphones and to stew and plot violence in silence like the rest of us.

Big Bowie Bonanza posted:

I feel so bad for people with Hispanic/Latin American names. We have so many people miss flights because part of their first name is entered as a middle etc and TSA digs in their heels.

The biggest issue my wife has had is that she gets second hand racism. When she applies for a job with her maiden name she gets them interviews, but when she used my last name or a joined named she gets less interviews and when she does she gets weirdo looks because blonde blue eyed Amazon with a very Latin last name bugs people out.

She mostly uses her maiden name as it appears first so if anything is going to get cut off it'll be my name. I told her we should've just merged our names into something cool as poo poo like Striker instead of Stacker-Silvestre, but here we are.

# ? Nov 17, 2023 22:00

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

spookykid posted:

Holy poo poo, I'd never read this story before and .... goddamn

VERY NWS/NMS

You are either brave or a fool to google a story with the only information being the words "yiff the otter".

# ? Nov 17, 2023 22:12

spookykid: Apr 28, 2006; I am an awkward fellow
after all

Midnight Voyager posted:

You are either brave or a fool to google a story with the only information being the words "yiff the otter".

After googling it in quotes from incognito (prophylaxis! not just for your genitals!) the first result was a SA link so I considered it at least somewhat safe.

# ? Nov 17, 2023 22:18

Kitfox88: Aug 21, 2007; Anybody lose their glasses?

FMguru posted:

My parents have a proven track record of promising to take care of a living thing that is precious to me, then turning around and murdering it, and then lying to my face about it. Should I let them see my infant child?

PetraCore posted:

OP should tell them she can't let them meet her son because she can't trust them not to kill their grandchild and then lie about it.

Top rated comment:

quote:

Tell your mom �Sorry but we can�t take the chance you might have your Grandson euthanized while he�s in your care.�

# ? Nov 17, 2023 22:38

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

haveblue posted:

Yeah that's definitely neurodivergence and/or a sensory processing issue

AAM does not consider this and just says to give her a stern talking-to

People on that site are strongly urged not to diagnose.

Some people in the comments are talking about it, and the general agreement is that it's probably something like that but that she is not taking responsibility to handle it properly.

# ? Nov 17, 2023 22:41

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

WIBTA if I tell my parents the truth about my sister�s finances

quote:

My little sister is on the verge of bankruptcy.

I�m the oldest of 5 kids (29F). My middle sister (24F) has two kids under the age of 2. She and her husband bought a home last year under questionable conditions (I�m honestly not sure how they were approved for a loan).

Since purchasing the home, my sister had her 2nd baby and due to childcare costs, was forced to become a SAHM. Now that my brother-in-law is the only one bringing in income, they are drowning in debt and are accruing about $2500 in debt each month. Because of this financial strain, they have had to start deciding which bills can be paid. They are currently 2 payments behind on the mortgage (about to be 3) as well as 2 payments behind on their truck payment. Their credit cards are maxed. They have $10k in personal loans. They have $6k in medical bills that are in collections. They are past due $2k to a previous daycare facility. They receive $250/mo from food stamps but this barely covers diapers and formula.

My sister�s husband comes from a traditional/conservative household and believes that a woman�s place is in the home taking care of the children while the man provides for the entire family. He makes about $45k annually which is frankly a joke considering their mortgage payment every month is $2100 and he brings home $2400/mo after taxes. My sister has supposedly tried to talk to him about going to work in the oilfields or something with higher pay but he likes his current schedule as a local mechanic and doesn�t want to spend more time away from the kids than he already has to.

You may be wondering how I came to know all of this. Well, my sister reached out over text a few days ago to ask if I could help her nanny her kids (we live across the country from each other). Considering the circumstances, I found this to be a strange request and started asking questions. Over the course of our exchange, she unloaded all of this onto me.

I�m sick to my stomach and feel absolutely devastated for my sister and her kids. My sister is adamant that she doesn�t want to tell our parents the situation, even though they live 15 minutes up the road from her and my mom helps babysit the kids 1-2 times a week.

So my question is: WIBTA if I tell my parents the truth about my sister�s financial situation or do I need to keep it to myself and watch from afar as their lives fall apart? HELP! I�m genuinely distraught.

Traditionally, if a man can't support his family, what was the end result other than them starving?

This reminds me, without the kids at least, of a time in my life when I was pretty destitute but did not want to ask my family for help because I figured this kind of struggling was what everyone dealt with at one point or another and if I could just power through it I would be fine. To which the narrator says, she was not fine, she was close to a mental breakdown, but she insisted on keeping quiet because she didn't want to seem like a leech.

# ? Nov 17, 2023 22:49

Big Bowie Bonanza: Dec 30, 2007; please tell me where i can date this cute boy

trickybiscuits posted:

People on that site are strongly urged not to diagnose.

Some people in the comments are talking about it, and the general agreement is that it's probably something like that but that she is not taking responsibility to handle it properly.

It could also just be that she�s an rear end in a top hat. My brother acts autistic because tiktok has brainwashed him into thinking he is but he�s been told by multiple professionals over several years that he is not autistic

# ? Nov 17, 2023 22:51

Breetai: Nov 6, 2005; 🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

Cowslips Warren posted:

WIBTA if I tell my parents the truth about my sister�s finances

Traditionally, if a man can't support his family, what was the end result other than them starving?

They starved, in an extremely manly way because that's what's important.

Bonus points if the man 'has an accident cleaning his gun'.

Because asking for help is worse than your own death and the lives of your family.

# ? Nov 17, 2023 22:55

Kitfox88: Aug 21, 2007; Anybody lose their glasses?

Had a dark chuckle at A MAN PROVIDES _{unless he doesn't want to work more hours at a shittier job away from his family}

# ? Nov 17, 2023 23:35

ChthonicMasturbatr: Sep 29, 2021; born on a mountain
live in a cave
hugging and tugging
is all that i crave

Nocheez posted:

her name was the same as the guy who shot JFK.

Wow, your wife's name was Bernard Sanders?

# ? Nov 17, 2023 23:58

Big Bowie Bonanza: Dec 30, 2007; please tell me where i can date this cute boy

The FDA will never get away with this

# ? Nov 18, 2023 00:01

Akratic Method: Mar 9, 2013; It's going to pay off eventually--I'm sure of it.

Any day now.

Kitfox88 posted:

Had a dark chuckle at A MAN PROVIDES _{unless he doesn't want to work more hours at a shittier job away from his family}

Privileges are irrevocable, responsibilities negotiable.

# ? Nov 18, 2023 00:01

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

ChthonicMasturbatr posted:

Wow, your wife's name was Bernard Sanders?

I was curious who would take the bait, and what they would put.

I did not expect to see Bernie Sanders.

vvvvvvv
That's the one I was expecting.

Nocheez fucked around with this message at 00:30 on Nov 18, 2023

# ? Nov 18, 2023 00:10

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

ChthonicMasturbatr posted:

Wow, your wife's name was Bernard Sanders?

That's not Ted Cruz's dad's name.

# ? Nov 18, 2023 00:15

sullat: Jan 9, 2012

Cowslips Warren posted:

WIBTA if I tell my parents the truth about my sister�s finances

Traditionally, if a man can't support his family, what was the end result other than them starving?

Traditionally a lot of what they'd consider 'woman's work' was the basic poo poo that would help keep you from starving; e.g. taking care of animals, growing a garden, cloth production, that sort of thing.

# ? Nov 18, 2023 00:32

Bruceski: Aug 21, 2007; The tools of a hero mean nothing without a solid core.

A couple of my friends got married, one was already double-barrelled and they tried to go with a triple-barreled surname until they realized how much of a headache it was. Not sure what they are these days legally, what I see on my end is mostly informal and/or old social media accounts that they didn't change the name on after marrying.

Not surnames, but one of my childhood friends went by his middle name and just initialed his first and it caused issues. Another friend actually DID have a single-letter first name and that really caused headaches.

# ? Nov 18, 2023 00:40

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Gotta start going with one of those Russian-styled acronyms so that Jane Karlsson-Davidoff-Shimizu-Anders becomes KarDaShiAn

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 01:12 on Nov 18, 2023

# ? Nov 18, 2023 00:54

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

Bruceski posted:

A couple of my friends got married, one was already double-barrelled and they tried to go with a triple-barreled surname until they realized how much of a headache it was. Not sure what they are these days legally, what I see on my end is mostly informal and/or old social media accounts that they didn't change the name on after marrying.

Not surnames, but one of my childhood friends went by his middle name and just initialed his first and it caused issues. Another friend actually DID have a single-letter first name and that really caused headaches.

My uncle was named Dio Clare Surname, and introduced himself as "Dio C. Surname" which was frequently misheard as D.O.C. Surname and that's why I had an Uncle Doc. But that was back in pre-computer days so basically you could call yourself whatever the hell you wanted.

# ? Nov 18, 2023 00:57

Tarezax: Sep 12, 2009; MORT cancels dance: interrupted by MORT

AITAH for demanding that my older brother respect our inheritance?

quote:

So, me (25f) and my younger sister Jaya (21f) have an older half-brother Leon (35m) who our mom had with her first husband when she was 18 and had immigrated from China. By the time Leon was 8, our mom left his dad, she married our dad and she turned the house they used to live at into a rental.

Now I'll admit, mom barely saw Leon after that but he was always her favourite child. He's in photos of when I was born and I know he was there when Jaya was born. The only other time I saw him was during our dad's funeral but I know mom went to his high school graduation.

Our mom passed recently and she's left most of what she had to Leon, including the house she raised him in. It's not a surprise because like I said, he was her favourite. If somebody would ask about her kids, she'd bring him up. She hung up more photos of him than us. Her bedside had no photos of us but his baby picture. The moment you'd enter our house is this huge portrait of him in his army uniform that she used to pray by.

And yes, I did ask why she barely saw him after her divorce and she just said that's how it is in Chinese families and I wouldn't get it because my dad wasn't Chinese.

The issue is that Leon doesn't want any of it and said she was barely his mom and since he's getting an equivalent inheritance from his stepmom, we can take it all. Jaya doesn't care about the inheritance at all and has been mostly mute since mom died. But it matters to me because these are literally her last wishes and my fiancée makes enough to support Jaya and I (we're moving in with him), so I'd rather respect my mom's wishes.

But she was barely a mom to him? The moment he went to university, she spent every second possible with him and every weekend, she'd stay with him and his kids and his wife loved her so much she cried just as much as Jaya and I. And when she knew she was going to die, she said only he could give her eulogy and he did and he gave such a beautiful one. And she only let him around in her last days and when she passed and they came for her body, they had to pull him off of her cause he was crying and calling her mama.

And I pointed all of that out and I said that she did love him when we argued about him not wanting the inheritance and he got very mad at me. He said he was disappointed in me for not supporting him, Jaya started crying like a little kid and I got a huge headache. Was I wrong to say all that?

Edit: my head is hurting, I accept whatever judgment. Mods can lock the post or whatever, I'm done.

This is the opposite of the usual kind of inheritance issues. OP is kinda the rear end in a top hat to both her half-brother and herself for not respecting her half-brother's choice but she's probably not thinking straight due to grief

# ? Nov 18, 2023 01:06

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

AITA for refusing to take fianc�s last name?

quote:

To start off I (F,23) have been dating (M,25) for 7 years now. We�ve been in a happy and stable relationship, we have never had any major fights, and are very much in love. A few weeks ago, he proposed and I couldn�t have been happier. But here�s where the issue arises.

His last name, is Dikfard. Yes, you read that right. And it�s pronounced exactly as you would think it would be. Honestly, it�s not something that�s ever been brought up in conversation. I�ve been so in love with him, that I didn�t want to ruin anything by telling him I didn�t want to take his last name. But I knew that if we were to get married, I would have to bring it up eventually. I was just so scared.

So when I brought it up yesterday, it didn�t go well. He told me it was a family name, and that he wouldn�t feel like I was part of the family if I didn�t take it. I tried to gently explain to him why I didn�t want to take it, but he raised his voice at me, saying that he saw nothing wrong with it, and that he felt like I was attacking him. I said that I wasn�t attacking him at all, and was baffled that he wasn�t being more understanding. When he asked if I even loved him, I kind of lost it. I screamed at him, telling him that his last name quite literally sounded like �dick fart� and how appalling it was that he couldn�t see that. He gave me sort of a defeated look, and stormed off.

We haven�t spoken since, and I�m starting to feel really bad. What can I do in this situation? Am I wrong here? I really do love him, but this feels unreasonable.

# ? Nov 18, 2023 01:07

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Tarezax posted:

AITAH for demanding that my older brother respect our inheritance?

This is the opposite of the usual kind of inheritance issues. OP is kinda the rear end in a top hat to both her half-brother and herself for not respecting her half-brother's choice but she's probably not thinking straight due to grief

I would assume that admitting her mom was a neglectful mom to her for someone who did not appreciate or want her attention is too devastating to parse out right now so she wants him to take the money so she can avoid confronting that.

# ? Nov 18, 2023 01:09

Magic Hate Ball: May 6, 2007; ha ha ha!
you've already paid for this

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for refusing to take fianc�s last name?

"The Daek-faehr residence, lady of the house speaking"

# ? Nov 18, 2023 01:10

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Ultra Carp

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for refusing to take fiancés last name?

Looked this one up and her last name is O'Kweefe

# ? Nov 18, 2023 01:11

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

AITA for telling my friend that it's stupid and selfish to refuse to use effective birth control?

quote:

My boyfriend and I live in a somewhat isolated/rural area, so we were excited when a couple around our age (late 20�s/early 30�s) moved close to us, and SUPER excited to learn that we shared a lot of hobbies. We�ve become really close with �Jeff� and �Jane� and have been spending a lot more time together, either in pairs or all together.

Over the weekend our boyfriends were fishing together so Jane and I were doing some of our own hobby stuff the two of us (we both grow some really niche kinds of plants, though not the same kinds). The conversation was going and somehow sex came up, which lead to talking about birth control. I was stunned to hear Jane say that she doesn�t use real birth control AT ALL, just condoms and �cycle tracking�. When she saw my face she tried to justify this by saying that all of the kinds of hormonal birth control she�s tried give her awful side effects, and when she tried the non-hormonal IUD she had really horrible cramps � the time. I explained to her that those side effects (depression and loss of sex drive) are completely normal, that I take anti-depressants just to deal with the emotional side effects (my gyno says about half of women on hormonal BC do this) and I�ve had to teach myself to learn to be into sex and enjoy it even if I�m not in the mood at first. It�s stupid not to be on birth control just because it gives you side effects, all medicine can have side effects! As a woman you just need to power through, because condoms are significantly less effective, they�re just not the most responsible option.

And it�s not just that it�s foolish to use a not super effective form of birth control when there are so many more effective options out there, it�s also pretty selfish to make her boyfriend use condoms and sacrifice his own comfort just so that she doesn�t have to deal with issues that pretty much all women have. Pretty much any man will tell you that condoms decrease a guy�s enjoyment of sex, if it doesn�t erase it completely. TONS of men have condom induced erectile dysfunction�my boyfriend included�so should they just go without sex forever? No, of course not, I don�t think anyone would say that, I think pretty much everyone would agree that it�s on those guys partners to use birth control.

Although I was honest that I feel bad for Jeff and don�t think he should be on the hook if Jane ever accidentally got pregnant, I NEVER said that Jane is stupid or selfish, only that her decision in this regard is. I was clear that it was the decision, not her. Still she left upset and they�ve been dodging our attempts to get together since then.

My boyfriend is totally on my side with everything I said, but is still upset with me for "driving away our friends" by not being more tactful. I thought my mom and sister would understand that I was trying to help Jane AND Jeff, but they both said I should have kept my mouth shut and let Jane make her own mistakes. AITA here?

"It's your job as a woman to be depressed and in pain so your boyfriend can enjoy sex more!"

# ? Nov 18, 2023 01:22

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

what is marriage if not being a couple of dickfarts together

# ? Nov 18, 2023 01:23

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for telling my friend that it's stupid and selfish to refuse to use effective birth control?

"It's your job as a woman to be depressed and in pain so your boyfriend can enjoy sex more!"

Also if it kills your libido, it's up to you to just power through it. You'll eventually enjoy it anyway. This is a thing that all women have to do, right? ...Right??

# ? Nov 18, 2023 01:33

dervival: Apr 23, 2014

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for telling my friend that it's stupid and selfish to refuse to use effective birth control?

"It's your job as a woman to be depressed and in pain so your boyfriend can enjoy sex more!"

the hell is the condom induced erectile dysfunction bullshit? was this written by a jilted boyfriend who wanted to do it raw or something, because :wtc:

put it on early if it's interrupting the flow, dipshit

# ? Nov 18, 2023 01:37

Bloody Mayhem: Jan 25, 2007; Victimology is all over the place!

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

what is marriage if not being a couple of dickfarts together

Married names are wild to me. Where I am it�s just not legally possible to change your last name to that of your spouse and surprise it hasn�t destroyed the family unit.

# ? Nov 18, 2023 01:37

ChthonicMasturbatr: Sep 29, 2021; born on a mountain
live in a cave
hugging and tugging
is all that i crave

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for telling my friend that it's stupid and selfish to refuse to use effective birth control?

This has to have been written by a troll and/or condom-hating pissbaby, right? Right?

# ? Nov 18, 2023 01:44

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# ? May 30, 2024 23:46

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

Clocks posted:

re: last names

I did talk with my younger sis about last names at some point and she brought up that if she continues staying in academia (she's not sure), and she were to publish papers, she'd keep her last name just for that. And she's also not really a fan of the "take the guy's last name just because" thing either.

I'm published under my maiden name so when I got married I changed my middle name to my maiden name and took my husband's last name. I use the full name (e.g., Jane Doe Smith) for publishing but otherwise go by Jane Smith. Unfortunately it's Jane Doe Smith on my driver's license, so when I have to show ID people will get confused and be like, "You said your name is Jane Smith! But it's Jane Doe (or Jane Doe Smith)!" Usually just a minor annoyance to explain that Doe is my middle name, but there are times when people have recorded the full name and then when I try to sign in or whatever using just Jane Smith they can't find me. The library and my voter's registration are like this, so I have to remember which name I'm under or else go through an annoying name search to try to find me.

The kids all just got Smith, because gently caress putting them through that. My maiden name is foreign, 10 letters, and 3 syllables, so switching to my husband's short Anglo last name was a no-brainer.

# ? Nov 18, 2023 01:48

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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