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Jim reroutes a snowstorm to Schrute farms. Dwight's barbecue is ruined and he has to deal with meltwater in friggin July. Jim mugs the camera as he sits in the sun on his veranda and opens a Miller lite.
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Dec 5, 2023 12:28
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| # ? May 29, 2024 11:31 |
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Jim reroutes Disney's Snow Dogs to Schrute Farms. Dwight's barbecue is ruined and he has to deal with Cuba Gooding Jr. in friggin July. Jim mugs for the camera as he sits in the sun on his hotel balcony in Orlando and enjoys a Mickey-shaped churro.
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Dec 5, 2023 12:48
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Jim begins speaking only in a cartoonish Italian accent, describing himself as a plumber who has been sent to save the princess from a giant dinosaur. Dwight sadly shakes his head as a shrieking Jim is hauled away by the police — and behind him, unnoticed, a mushroom man leaps from rooftop to rooftop.
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Dec 5, 2023 14:12
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Jim confesses to Dwight that the only way Pam can become aroused in their marital bed is by watching a Pixar movie. Behind Jim, Dwight can see Pam watching Toy Story 3, and is filled with terrible knowledge.
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Dec 5, 2023 14:14
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actress Katie Sackhoff and Cuba Gooding junior take turns making tender, yet passionate, love to Scrandigarn
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Dec 5, 2023 15:30
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Jim and Pam are in the Orlando airport when Jim notices something odd. Two men are huddled together and pass a small package between each other. "Hey, Pam-a-lam-a-ding-dong, I think I just saw something." "Well," Pam says between loud slurps of coffee, "I guess that means you should say something, too." "Yeah," Jim says with a proud smile, "I'll be right back." Jim walks over to the two men who, upon seeing Jim, quickly rush off. Jim rushes after the man with the package, who quickly breaks into an all-out run. "HEY! Stop right there!" Jim yells, causing people all around the airport terminal to freeze and look at him. The man with the box takes advantage of the momentary confusion to hightail it out of there, running from Jim and knocking over travelers and suitcases in an effort to deter Jim. But it's pointless, Jim easily leaps over every obstacle and remains trained on his target. Jim finally corners him by a baggage claim turnstile. "Buddy, give it up," Jim says, catching his breath. "It's over. Let's all just take it easy, man." The man clutches the box tightly and runs up the baggage conveyer, heading out towards the tarmac. Jim sighs. "I guess that means the cat's out of the bag." Jim follows his target up the conveyor and finds him fighting with an airport worker who's loading baggage from a recent flight. Jim grabs a heavy suitcase and hurls it with expert precision, hitting his target and knocking him down. "Bull's eye!" Jim rushes over to his target and finds him still clutching the box tightly. Jim lifts him to the ground and begins shaking him by the collar. "What's in the box, man? Why'd you run? Don't you know this airport's just full of families trying to have fun? Goddammit, people like you make me sick!" "Dwight," the man says in a weak voice, "Dwight Schrute sent us. To ruin your trip. Looks like he's even dumber than he looks, after all." "DAMMIT!" Jim yells as he throws the man to the ground. "That son of a bitch is always trying to spoil things! Who's the other goon? What's he up to?" The man collects himself, wiping away tears that began to flow when Jim asserted his dominance in this situation. He smiles an evil smile and opens the box. There's a remote inside. "He's the guy with the bomb!" As the man depresses the button there's a chirping noise. Jim looks towards the tarmac and sees the other man running towards a 747 that's about to take off. "You have 30 seconds, Jim. Not even you can stop this!" "You must not know me very well, buddy. Because I just came from Disney World and you know what I learned? Anything is possible, if you BELIEVE IN MAGIC!" Jim runs across the tarmac, faster than he's ever run before. He easily reaches the bomber and tackles him to the ground, then grabs the bomb. He crushes it in his hand, safely defusing it. "Looks like this bomb's a dud, just like Dwight's plan. And as for you..." Jim picks the bomber up off the tarmac with one arm, then tosses him into the spinning propeller of the plane. Blood and gore sprays everywhere as Jim triumphantly smiles. "Your fate is PLANE to see!" Everyone on the tarmac starts clapping for Jim, who does a theatrical bow and then walks back to the airport. Pam is blowing kisses at him as all of the pilots have lined up to salute Jim. He salutes them back, thanks them for their service, and then heads back to his seat at the terminal. As he does, a little girl walks up to him. "Mister, are you a hero?" she asks. "No," Jim says in a confident voice, "I'm no hero. The real heroes are the ones fighting overseas, it's the boys in blue patrolling the streets, and it's the men and women who bravely founded this country and made it a haven for freedom and chasing your dreams." "Wow, so you ARE a hero!" Jim smiles and tussles the girl's hair, then sits down. Pam leans in close and lays a romantic kiss on his cheek. "What do you say, Jim? One more week at Disney? What are they gonna do back at work, fire us?!?" "Ha! Not a chance, especially since you made yourself the administrative assistant! Let's loving gooooooo!" Jim and Pam run out of the airport, dreams of Mickey Mouse running through their heads. A man on the tarmac smiles and waves as he hoses off the remains of the mad bomber. Back in Scranton, Oscar stares at Jim's prone body on the floor. "Well, he's smiling at least, that's probably a good sign." There's a piece of rebar stuck in Jim's skull, a side effect of his latest prank backfiring on him. Jim lip twitches and his smile gets a little bit wider.
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Dec 5, 2023 16:39
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Rebar-brain Jim always sits across from Dwight at lunch, ruining Dwight's appetite.
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Dec 5, 2023 16:46
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"We really should take that thing out of him," says a concerned Michael. "It's getting red and some stuff started dripping. Pam? Are you SURE the doctor said this is what you're supposed to do?" "Yeah, he definitely said it's worse to pull it out. Like an arrow, you're not supposed to remove it." "Well, the doctor knows best I guess. Hey Jim? Buddy? Can we get you a glass of water?" Jim's eyes roll in their sockets then focus on the flickering light in the corner of the office. "I'll take that as a NO. Hey, don't forget, Charles Miner is coming tomorrow. He kept saying something about a rundown, said you were on top of it. I mentioned the, uh, the rebar... but he said you probably already had this thing done." A single tear drips down Rebar-brain Jim's cheek. Pam wipes it up and kisses him. "This is SOOOOO much nicer! We'll be able to get to the front of the line on all the rides now! They'll probably let me stay in Cinderella's castle if things get much worse, too! Scha-WING!"
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Dec 5, 2023 17:23
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When Jim gets up to go to the bathroom, Dwight looks over at the notebook Jim was scribbling in all morning. There's a couple of prank ideas, but circled at the bottom are the words "use beets as anal beads?". Dwight is still staring at the page with a deep frown as Jim walks back to his desk.
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Dec 5, 2023 20:10
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Fell Mood posted:When Jim gets up to go to the bathroom, Dwight looks over at the notebook Jim was scribbling in all morning. There's a couple of prank ideas, but circled at the bottom are the words "use beets as anal beads?". Dwight is still staring at the page with a deep frown as Jim walks back to his desk. Even more concerning is the check mark next to it.
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Dec 5, 2023 20:24
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Jim "clowns on" Dwight, in every possible meaning of the phrase.
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Dec 5, 2023 22:53
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Jim clowns on Dwight's wedding day. Jim clowns on Dwight's sandwich. Jim clowns on Dwight's sales record. Jim clowns on Dwight's beets. Jim clowns on Angela. Jim clowns on Dwight's desk.
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Dec 5, 2023 22:56
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Erasable Penis posted:Even more concerning is the check mark next to it. You got an actual laugh out of me. gently caress my coworkers can never know what I'm reading about.
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Dec 5, 2023 23:03
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Dwight wakes up in his king bed next to his loving wife who he met at Florida State. Their toddler bounds into the room for morning snuggles. Dwight slowly gets up, attracted to the smell of coffee coming from the kitchen. He looks around his duplex - life is good. The clock strikes 7:30 and it's time for him to drive to work, another shift at the Anheuser Busch factory. He's been a technician for ten years and risen up the ladder to the role of general foreman. Sure he has some problematic employees, but nothing he can't handle. The day goes by fast. The fermentation tank is still down, but the parts are on order. The maintenance logs need to be audited, but it's just time. The hustle around the plant is slowing down as people prepare for the Christmas holiday and vacations start. Dwight finalizes the holiday schedule and emails it to the department. Feeling good, Dwight takes off early to beat traffic. His trusty Tacoma fires right up and he heads home. It's Tuesday, which means the local pizza joint has their $8 1 topping carryout deal. Dwight swings by and orders his favorite, a large pepperoni. Dwight arrives home first and plugs in all the Christmas lights. In North Carolina, the sun sets early in December, so when his wife comes home she'll be greeted with the colorful array and the inviting smell of pizza. The clock strikes 6pm and his wife still hasn't come home. This is no concern to Dwight, since it's possible she went to the grocery store after picking up their kid from daycare. At 6:20 Dwight calls Susan, but the line rings and rings and goes to voicemail. Odd but not an emergency. At 6:45 Dwight begins to worry. He glances at the clock, the time is... 13:69? Dwight shakes his head and blinks. The time changes to 420:80085. Dwight's heart begins to race. His blood feels thick. He reaches out to stabilize himself but catches only air. His vision begins to darken as he feels his legs buckle. Dwight wakes up in a white room. His eyes hurt, his body hurts, even thinking hurts. He turns his head expecting to see his wife but instead sees a vaguely familiar face with a mat of floppy hair. The mysterious figure smirks and mutters something about... clown venom? Dwight tries to rub his eyes but his arms turn into wiggly boa constrictors.
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Dec 6, 2023 00:04
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Jim sneaks into the warren where Dwight is hibernating and removes his fecal plug, allowing insects and small animals to infest his lower torso over winter
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Dec 6, 2023 01:44
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Jim starts wearing a filthy trench coat around the office and doing a piss-poor Peter Falk impersonation. When Dwight asks what sort of prank this is, Jim says that the viewer at home already has had that revealed in the opening scene, but the rest of them still have to figure it out.
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Dec 6, 2023 02:26
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Jim has a glass eye from the rebar accident.
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Dec 6, 2023 03:00
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Jim perches in the tree outside Dwight's bedroom window and screeches all night the night before Dwight has to give a big speech at the Orphans fundraiser.
Taffy Jr. fucked around with this message at 03:03 on Dec 6, 2023 |
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Dec 6, 2023 03:01
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Taffy Jr. posted:Jim perches in the tree outside Dwight's bedroom window and screeches all night the night before Dwight has to give a big speech at the Orphans fundraiser. While doing so Jim bonds with Dwight's grandfather and the two agree to go fishing next Saturday.
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Dec 6, 2023 08:54
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Jim “Batman’s” Dwight by shattering every bone in his body before telling him to “stay in school” and leaping off the office roof (Jim does not survive the fall).
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Dec 6, 2023 13:56
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Jim “Batman’s” Dwight by traveling back in time and murdering his parents in an alleyway.
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Dec 6, 2023 13:57
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Jim “Batman’s” Dwight by traveling back in time and murdering his parents in an alleyway. Due to the vagaries of time travel and also the vagaries of pronoun usage, the previous sentence means that Jim inadvertently murders his own parents, resulting in a Back to the Future scenario in which he somehow has to convince a high-school aged Dwight to seduce his (Jim’s) mom.
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Dec 6, 2023 13:59
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Jim “Batman’s” Dwight by releasing a bat in the office which Dwight has to dispose of. Meredith has to be taken into the hospital in the process.
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Dec 6, 2023 14:26
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Jim “Manbat’s” Dwight by releasing a bat in the office then pretends it bit him, and is turning him into a monster. Meredith has to be taken into the hospital in the process.
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Dec 6, 2023 14:32
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Jim “Batman’s” Dwight by summoning forth Dwight-mite, a 5th dimensional imp and self-proclaimed "Dwight's #1 fan". Although the imp is well-meaning and non-malicious, his powerful 5th dimensional reality warping causes Dwight no end of distress as Dwight-mite constantly tries to prove his worth to his favorite human. "Hoo boy, Dwight, that must suck. Having a little all-powerful imp guy annoying you." Dwight says it is, and Jim should consider himself lucky that nobody from the 5th dimension is a fan of his. "Well, I'm sure there's a couple. Why, I'll bet there's a Jim-mite just waiting to pop up any minute now and meet me. There must be." Jim looks forlorn, notices the camera is focused on him, and quickly excuses himself to run to the bathroom. When he returns, his eyes are red and watery.
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Dec 6, 2023 14:39
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Jim tells everyone in the office that Dwight has a micropenis. Nobody laughs, and in fact it’s very clear that he’s made everyone extremely uncomfortable. Pam knows that it’s actually Jim who has a micropenis but she doesn’t speak up.
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Dec 6, 2023 14:44
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Jim “Batman’s” Dwight by summoning forth Dwight-mite, a 5th dimensional imp and self-proclaimed "Dwight's #1 fan". Although the imp is well-meaning and non-malicious, his powerful 5th dimensional reality warping causes Dwight no end of distress as Dwight-mite constantly tries to prove his worth to his favorite human. "Hoo boy, Dwight, that must suck. Having a little all-powerful imp guy annoying you." Dwight says it is, and looks directly at Jim without blinking.
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Dec 6, 2023 15:12
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Jim gives Dwight an ornately decorated watch made of precious metals as a birthday gift. Dwight is impressed by every aspect of the watch, but Jim shrugs it off calling it a piece of poo poo. Dwight wears the watch every day but cannot find who made it and eventually Jim admits to making the watch himself. "You don't spend years making elaborate pranks without learning a little something about building custom precision timing gear... Still that watch is a piece of poo poo." Dwight tries to convince Jim that the quality of the watch is so exquisite that if Jim decided to go into the custom watch making business, he could be rich. There's no reason for Jim to be so modest, even insulting, towards his own craftsmanship. "I don't know, Dwight. I mean, I know the quality of the watch is good, but it's a piece of poo poo. Literally. I spent 3 years straining and filtering my poo poo to collect all the trace amounts of metals that gets trapped in poo poo to get just enough gold, silver, even radium, to make that one watch. How much do you expect me to poo poo? "
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Dec 6, 2023 16:28
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Jim declares it's time to "raise the steaks" and "put the 'Christ' back in 'Christ-mouse.'" He nails up a massive resin statue of Mickey on the cross. The passionate Mickey looms over the office, its plastic expression conveying every ounce of pain and exhaustion Christ himself must have felt in those dark days dying of exposure on Calvary hill. Oscar objects that the statute is crass and tasteless, but Angela shushes him, though she has conflicting feelings herself. It's all a prank on Dwight because the VOCs pouring off the statue give Dwight (and everyone else in the office) sinus cancer. Jim mugs for the camera. A small tickle of blood drips out of his nose.
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Dec 6, 2023 18:00
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Jim "batmans" Dwight by acting as his, Dwight's, general camp servant. Jim performs poorly in this role, eventually dying to machinegun fire while sprinting to a neighbouring foxhole to deliver misheard orders
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Dec 6, 2023 18:48
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Jim “fatmans” Dwight by eating excessively at his, Jim’s, desk and making annoying lip-smacking noises and moans while doing so.
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Dec 6, 2023 18:53
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Jim "Spiderman's" Dwight by spraying him with a sticky white substance, later revealed to be silly string. As Dwight smirks and begins pulling silly string off his body, Jim pulls a rope and a hidden ceiling hatch opens, causing irradiated spiders to rain down upon Dwight. Having been irradiated, the spiders are all dead. 10 years later, Dwight's urologist issues a referral to an oncologist to examine Dwight's massively oversized bladder and presence of blood in his urine.
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Dec 6, 2023 19:03
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Jim “Spider-Mans” Dwight by giving him cancer through decades of unprotected sexual intercourse.
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Dec 6, 2023 19:09
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Jim "Spider-Mans" Dwight by killing the uncle who raised him.
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Dec 6, 2023 19:17
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Jim “Spider-Mans” Dwight by stealing his original comic book superhero (Captain Beet) and telling everyone that he (Jim) created it. Decades later, Dwight passes away in near-obscurity, forgotten by all but the most fervent of comic book historians. Seen as eccentric and odd, Dwight refuses to be interviewed by anyone and openly states that he detests much of what's been done to his once-beloved character. Captain Beet: Birth of the Beet is released by Disney to middling reviews and tepid box office but contains the final cameo appearance of "Grinning" Jim Halpert, hailed as the creator of Captain Beet and a whole host of other comic book characters including the Barbershop Quartet (which Andy created), Chili-Man (which Kevin created), and The Unstoppable Felinicus (which Angela created). In the role, Jim plays a postman who looks directly at the camera, winks, and says "Gotcha Dwight!". A video goes viral shortly after this showing Jim at a fan convention. Philip and Cece are urging him to sign item after item, although Jim seems to be completely unaware of his surroundings and questions are soon raised about his mental well-being. Jim passes away shortly after this, causing millions online to mourn the death of "the creator of modern day comics".
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Dec 6, 2023 19:21
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Jim "Sonics" Dwight by rollerskating up to Dwight's open car window and dumping a "Rt-44" (a 44oz slushie) directly into Dwight's lap. He also stuffs a chili dog in Dwight's tailpipe.
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Dec 6, 2023 20:32
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Jim shoots Dwight with a bullet and Dwight dies
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Dec 6, 2023 21:50
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Jim "wonder womans" Dwight. Dwight is tied up in Jim's basement until he (Dwight) gives truthful answers to Jim's questions.
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Dec 6, 2023 23:05
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Jim “Superman’s” Nietzsche, misinterpreting the philosopher’s works in a fashion Dwight watches with rising suspicion and fear.
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Dec 6, 2023 23:52
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| # ? May 29, 2024 11:31 |
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Jim “Superman’s” Nietzsche, misinterpreting the philosopher’s works and kills God. Dwight has to console a deeply distraught Angela for months.
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Dec 6, 2023 23:57
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