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Jim hoofs Dwight in the baws.
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Dec 21, 2023 17:43
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| # ? May 31, 2024 13:34 |
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This prank series brought to you by PETA
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Dec 21, 2023 17:53
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Jim stomps on Dwight's foot, causing Dwight to yet out a yelp of pain. Dwight complains that this isn't even a prank, it's just assault, and Jim agrees. "You know what, it is. Sorry, Dwight. I'll do better next time." That night Dwight's great-grandmother Helga receives a phone call at the nursing home. "H-hello?" she says in a weak, wavering voice. On the other end of the line, Jim plays the recording of Dwight's yelp of pain. He then puts the phone up to his mouth. "Do you hear that, ya old bitch? That's your great grandson, Dwight. We've got him trapped down here in Mexico and we're torturing him! Unless you give us $20,000 he's loving dead, bitch!" Jim plays the yelp again and again, covering his own mouth to try and stifle his giggles. "Oh, no, Dwight! Please don't hurt him, please, I'll give you anything!" Over Christmas, Dwight calls his great-grandmother to check in. She is overjoyed and says she's happy Dwight escaped from his kidnappers. After the call, Dwight sadly tells Angela that his great grandmother's getting worse and losing her sense of reality.
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Dec 21, 2023 19:28
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Jim and Dwight sit in cold room deep in the heart of Raven's Beak Asylum. No one moves for a moment, it's silent except for the mild buzzing of the overhead lights. "I've been thinking lately. About you and me. About what's going to happen to us, in the end. We're going to kill each other, aren't we? Perhaps you'll kill me. Perhaps I'll kill you. Perhaps sooner. Perhaps later. I just wanted to know that I'd made a genuine attempt to talk things over and avert that outcome. Just once. Are you listening to me? It's life and death that I'm discussing here. Maybe my death... maybe yours. I don't fully understand why ours should be such a fatal relationship, but I don't want your murder on my hands." Silence. Irritated, Jim stands up and walks to the door. He raps 3 times and the security guard on the other side opens it. "Yeah, sorry, I thought maybe Dwight would be more willing to speak today. I guess not. I'm ready to go." As Jim leaves the insane asylum he smiles and waves at the nurses at the front desk. "Such a nice guy, I don't understand why he comes here so often for THAT guy," says the one nurse. "Every week, too. He must have a heart of gold!" As Jim leaves the building he thanks everyone for their time and says he'll be back at the same time next week. Once they close the wrought iron gates of the asylum he pulls a small syringe from his pocket and smiles. "Ahhh, one more blessed week without Dwight. And as long as I keep injecting him with this stuff on a routine basis he'll keep playing the role of catatonic lunatic. What a dope!" Back inside the asylum, a security guard returns to Dwight's cell to check on him. He's shocked to find the room empty. He grabs his radio and dials up. "Sir! Patient Schrute, I can't find him, I think he's escaped!" Inside the vents of the asylum Dwight crawls on hands and needs towards freedom. Dwight slowly built up a tolerance to Jim's powerful drug and today was finally the day where it didn't work at all. Dwight finally reaches the outside of the asylum and looks at all of Scranton laid out below him. It's going to be a Merry Christmas, indeed, but not for Jim Halpert.
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Dec 21, 2023 20:04
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The next day Jim Halpert finds his stapler encased in jello under the Christmas tree. A declaration of war.
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Dec 21, 2023 20:58
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Bob Vance (Vance Refrigeration) pulls Dwight aside. “You wanna know how to get Halpert? They pull a jello, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the circus, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Scranton way! And that's how you get Halpert. Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that? I'm offering you a deal. Do you want this deal?” Reluctantly, Dwight shakes his hand. “Do you know what a blood oath is?” asks Vance, of Vance Refrigeration, “Because you just took one.”
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Dec 21, 2023 21:09
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Jim encases everything in the knowable universe in jello, except for Dwight's stapler.
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Dec 21, 2023 21:13
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Jim alters the English language so that the concept of a stapler is subsumed in the word “jello.”
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Dec 21, 2023 21:14
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jim abducts dwight's stapler, chaining it to the radiator in his, jim's, basement and reciting bible verse at it
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Dec 21, 2023 21:21
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Dwight gave Jim a bad performance review so Jim smacked him in his face with an eraser, chased him with a stapler and stapled his nuts to a stack of paper (Ouuuuch!)
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Dec 21, 2023 21:30
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Jim becomes a radiator in Dwight’s home and as Radiator Jim keeps the temperature always either just too hot or just too cold whilst making a lot of annoying noises.
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Dec 21, 2023 21:32
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Jim becomes a Redditor in Dwight's browser. Now all of Dwight’s searches lead to strongly held opinions that are nonetheless extremely wrong.
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Dec 21, 2023 22:17
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Inspired by the Christmas song "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" Jim tells Dwight's children that there's no such thing as Santa.
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Dec 21, 2023 23:01
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Taffy Jr. posted:Inspired by the Christmas song "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" Jim tells Dwight's children that there's no such thing as Santa. Jim tells them this while wearing the outfit that he looted off of Santa’s dead body.
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Dec 21, 2023 23:31
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Jim replaces Dwight's UTI medication with oxycodone, swiftly addicting Dwight to the powerful opiate
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Dec 22, 2023 00:24
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Jim kills Santa and puts on his suit, taking subject to the "Santa Clause." Jim then drives Santa's sleigh directly to Dwight's house and jumps off the roof, horribly mangling his legs and also breaking his spine in seven places. Dwight discovers Jim's body and the instruction card. At the urging of young Beetrum, Dwight puts on the suit, taking subject to the Santa Clause as well as Jim's severe genital crab infestation. Jim's gloved hand scratches his balls before his body fades away like Yoda.
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Dec 22, 2023 00:38
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Jim takes out a fourth mortgage so he can commission thousands of pieces of art featuring "Dwight the Hedgehog" engaging in deviant acts involving a balloon and a ream of clown paper.
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Dec 22, 2023 01:03
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Inspired by the Christmas song "Baby it's Cold Outside" Jim slips Dwight a hidden mickey that magically transforms Dwight into a baby. Jim takes Baby Dwight and leaves him outside in the cold.
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Dec 22, 2023 02:43
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Jim gives Dwight a can of crocodile repellent. Dwight thanks Jim and sprays himself down. Jim picks up baby Dwight and takes him down in to the lobby where Hank is holding a chained alligator. Jim places him on the ground and hits his vape and lights a pack of firecrackers and throws it into the lobby and presses the button to return the elevator to his floor. The doors close and Jim hits his vape again.
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Dec 22, 2023 04:56
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10,000 years from now, an alien science ship passing through the Sol system observes that the entire surface of the third planet from the sun is covered in a seething mass of Squeaky Shoe machines. The scientists are baffled as to what could possibly have happened. Down below, the mass of Squeaky Shoe machines writhes and shifts, forming an image of Jim's face mugging up at the aliens.
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Dec 22, 2023 05:25
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Dec 22, 2023 05:38
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Jim reboots a beloved TV series from Dwight's childhood but makes it bad.
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Dec 22, 2023 05:53
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Jim buys a Jym using a Jem they gave him in church for singing his beautiful Jymns
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Dec 22, 2023 15:08
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After ten years of extensive planning and preparation, Jim forgets to wear appropriate footwear and dies during the attempted execution of what would have no doubt been known as “The Citizen Kane of Pranks”. While the master prank itself was sadly not completed, Dwight is driven slowly insane in the years following, as he cannot stop thinking about what the prank might have been. In a casket deep below the earth of the Scranton Cemetery, a floppy-haired skull mugs for the camera.
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Dec 22, 2023 15:32
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Jim is buried in the Scranton Radioactive Clown cemetery as per his wishes.
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Dec 22, 2023 15:42
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Jim shows up to work red-faced, sweating, and gasping for breath. "Guys! Guys! Santa is down! Repeat: SANTA IS DOWN! HURRY UP OUTSIDE!" In the parking lot lies a smoking pile of wreckage and the crumpled bodies of 8 tiny reindeer. There's a streak of blood across the parking lot that leads to Dwight's car and the office workers follow it to discover Santa Claus, his body horribly mangled, trying to climb up the side of Dwight's car. Dwight rushes over to help the jolly old elf, only to be attacked. Santa leaps up and uses his massive weight to pin Dwight to the ground. "Holy poo poo!" Jim squeals. "Santa must hate Dwight because of his blasphemous nature! Kick his rear end, Santa!" Santa Claus tries to scratch and bite at Dwight's face but Dwight's expert karate moves help him keep the old man at bay. Dwight manages to knee him in the breadbasket and roll him over to the side, then pins Santa down. Dwight delivers a mighty karate chop to the side of St. Nick's neck, which should knock him unconscious. But Santa keeps fighting and manages to free one arm, scratching his ragged nails across Dwight's face and drawing blood. Jim has now joined the fight and is weakly flailing his arms against Dwight's back while squealing. Dwight pushes him away, knocking him to the ground, but in the confusion Santa is able to bite down on Dwight's thigh. Dwight winces in pain and then brings a clubbing blow down on Santa's head. It explodes like a rotten pumpkin, sending clotted blood and bits of brain matter across the Dunder Mifflin parking lot. Santa Claus' eyeballs, once glistening with holiday magic, now lay next to Oscar's car and look up at his vanity license plate with cloudy indifference. "Well, Dwight, you killed Santa," Jim says with tears rolling down his cheeks. "I hope you're happy that your little War on Christmas was finally successful. I guess we're all saying Happy Holidays now, huh?!" That night, Dwight is sitting in the bathtub rinsing off the remaining bits of caked on blood and brain matter (corporate didn't let him go home early, arguing that Dwight shouldn't get any time off for a non-family member's death) when he realizes he has a white hair poking up in his chest. Odd, he thinks, I didn't notice it this morning. He finishes his bath and looks in the mirror. Dwight's face is now covered with snow-white whiskers. Of course, he thinks, the Santa Virus.
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Dec 22, 2023 15:49
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Jim invites Dwight to an all-inclusive vacation in Dresden, Germany. Upon landing Dwight is immediately apprehended for war crimes during WW2. It takes months to resolve the issue during which Dwight receives no salary and has to dip into his retirement fund. Forger Jim mugs the camera.
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Dec 22, 2023 17:04
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Jim, Dwight, and Andy are traveling together through Scranton National Park, a winding, nearly impassable labyrinth of crags and razor sharp rocks. It is the most scenic area in Scranton, maybe in all of Pennsylvania. "We are starving!" whines Jim. "No foodses!" Dwight takes pity on Jim and tosses the skeletal creature one of his dwindling supply of high-energy beet crackers. Jim takes a bite and immediately gags. "He tries to poison us!" screeches Jim. "We can't eats nasty beets!" Dwight sighs and agrees to cut the national park tour short to grab some McDonald's. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Dec 22, 2023 18:29
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Jim vomits up a stomach full of Disney World churros and Joffrey's coffee after riding the Tower of Terror for the 7th time in a row. "Oh, poo poo," Jim says to a cast member who's contemplating the life decisions that led them to this point, "I'm so loving sorry. Holy poo poo. Don't tell Mickey, please." Jim then runs off to catch his and Pam's reservation for the Lightning Lane of Mickey and Minnie's Runaway Railway. As they line up, Jim's heart begins to race. Standing in front of him, dressed in a pair of sensible shorts and a t-shirt, is Charles Miner. Charles turns around. "Wow, if it isn't Jim! Must be nice, getting a long vacation from all your hard work int he office. A nice break from all that work you normally do, right?" "Y-you, too," Jim stammers out. "What's that?" "I s-said, y-you, too. Must be nice to b-be on vacation, right?" "Why do you think this is a vacation for me, Jim? What in the world would make you jump to that conclusion?" "I don't, I mean, it's just that... you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt. And you're in l-line for the r-ride." "Oh, so a man can't wear shorts any more? Not unless he's on vacation. Good to know, Jim. You really are a beacon of tolerance and understanding. If you'll excuse me, I don't think I'm going to talk to you or Pam for the duration of this experience." "Y-you, too," Jim stammers out again. He looks at Pam, who is day-drunk on Haunted Mansion themed margaritas and didn't even seem to react to Charles Miner's presence. "Pam, did you see that? Pam?" "Jim, haha, you're so WASTED! You were just talking to the air! ELL OH ELL!" Jim looks ahead in the line. There is no Charles Miner. "Yeah, I guess you're right. All those rides on the Tower of Terror might have jostled my brain a bit, heh. Anyway, I'm just excited to ride Mickey and Minnie's Rundown Railway." "Runaway, Jim. Get the name right. It's only on the loving sign and this ornament we bought for our Christmas tree!" "Oh, yeah, sorry. Hey, Pam? I think maybe I should go see a doctor when we get back home. I think maybe something's wrong with my brain." "What?" Pam says as she takes another sip of her Boo-tacular Hatbox Ghost Berry Boo Margarita. "I couldn't hear you over all the FUN I'm trying to have!" Jim realizes someone is standing behind him and smells the familiar smell of Charles Miner's cologne. Jim quickly turns around but no one is there. "Y-yeah, Pam. Loads of fun."
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Dec 22, 2023 19:11
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Last year, Dwight packed away his Christmas lights after making absolutely, positively sure they were stored neatly. When he opens the box in preparation for decorating this Christmas, he is frustrated to discover that the Christmas lights have somehow tangled themselves into a Gordian knot of impossible complexity despite sitting untouched in a box for an entire year. Dwight sighs. It's just one of those things everyone has to deal with, isn't it? Of course the real reason Dwight's Christmas lights are tangled is because Jim uses his Santa powers to sneak into every attic in the world and tangle up the lights. Because it happens to everyone in the world Dwight doesn't suspect it's a prank on him. But Jim knows. Jim knows. Jim touches his nose and winks at the camera.
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Dec 22, 2023 20:10
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Jim uses his Santa powers to make every toy Dwight’s adorable children receive for Christmas use batteries at an unbelievably high rate while constantly making annoying noises.
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Dec 22, 2023 20:22
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jim, tired of festive-themed pranks, takes a poo poo in dwight's desk drawer while the offices are closed for christmas. by the time the office returns after the holiday break, it will be indescribable.
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Dec 22, 2023 20:43
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If Jim is tired of festive-themed pranks, then why did he do it while wearing Tim Allen’s Santa costume?
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Dec 22, 2023 21:04
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jim has.. he's got problems
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Dec 22, 2023 23:08
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Jim develops an inflation fetish after watching hundreds of hours of videos online while researching his latest prank idea.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:36
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BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:Jim develops an inflation fetish after watching hundreds of hours of videos online while researching his latest prank idea. Well, the origin of "balloon boy" is then clarified: Jim's repressed sexuality. Erasable Penis fucked around with this message at 00:47 on Dec 23, 2023 |
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Dec 22, 2023 23:48
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Jim starts calling Dwight “Beetjack Horseman” for some reason
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Dec 23, 2023 00:40
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Jim tells Dwight to get his balls ready, because he's about to merge pranks from three different canons to produce a "super prank" with the strength of three men. Dwight eyes Jim warily, not sure what to make of this claim. Suddenly and without warning, Jim's repressed sexuality compells him to take a poo poo in Dwight's desk drawer. "What's the matter Beetjack Horseman, can't handle a little scat?" shouts Jim as he blushes and tugs at his collar.
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Dec 23, 2023 00:50
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Jim places an Immovable Rod in the trunk of Dwight's Trans Am and activates it.
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Dec 23, 2023 07:26
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| # ? May 31, 2024 13:34 |
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Jim travels back in time to reply to a letter from Dwight addressed to “Secretariat” and give him a childhood complex.
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Dec 23, 2023 13:21
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