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16-bit Butt-Head
Dec 25, 2014

Jonny Nox posted:

And yet TNA still exists and puts on normal TV programs. I don’t even think their talent worry if checks are going to clear any more.

wcw would still be around if time warner hadnt sold it to vince for a pittance out of spite

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Animal-Mother
Feb 14, 2012

RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT
Was it spite? WCW was losing a lot of money by then.

16-bit Butt-Head
Dec 25, 2014

Animal-Mother posted:

Was it spite? WCW was losing a lot of money by then.

they could have gotten more money out of the sale but they immediately sold it to vince for the lowest bid and because no one cares about professional wrestling vince was allowed to finalize his monopoly on the business

Cornwind Evil
Dec 14, 2004


The undisputed world champion of wrestling effortposting

16-bit Butt-Head posted:

wcw would still be around if time warner hadnt sold it to vince for a pittance out of spite

Not so much spite as disgust. As I mentioned at the very end of my very long 'Why did TNA fall into a pit? Well, to understand that you need to understand why WCW died', when Time Warner and AOL merged, WCW came under the framework of new corporate overlords, namely the guy who ran the entertainment division, Jamie Kellner. And while we'll never know for sure, beyond the whole 'dropping like a stone, losing tens of millions of dollars' thing (which really was a drop in the bucket compared to how much Time Warner and AOL lost with their own flavors of incompetence), the conspiracy is that Kellner looked down his nose at the 'wrasslin', seeing it as lowbrow garbage that was only watched by toothless hicks who drove rusty pickups and committed casual incest, and basically went "Get that poo poo off MY lawn." Basically, you know that rear end in a top hat who's loving HBO and Warner Brothers in the rear end to make money via some bullshit business crap? Same basic stuff.

TTBF
Sep 14, 2005



The guy probably just looked at WCW's insane costs, steeply dropping ratings, and decided it was a TV show past its prime whose popularity was a fad that was now over.

Animal-Mother
Feb 14, 2012

RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

TTBF posted:

The guy probably just looked at WCW's insane costs, steeply dropping ratings, and said "That doesn't work for me, brother."

David D. Davidson
Nov 17, 2012

Orca lady?

Jonny Nox posted:

And yet TNA still exists and puts on normal TV programs. I don’t even think their talent worry if checks are going to clear any more.

Largely because it got sold to a different company who got rid of all those people and has been rebuilding it into something watchable.

Grendels Dad
Mar 5, 2011

Popular culture has passed you by.

Cornwind Evil posted:

Not so much spite as disgust. As I mentioned at the very end of my very long 'Why did TNA fall into a pit? Well, to understand that you need to understand why WCW died', when Time Warner and AOL merged, WCW came under the framework of new corporate overlords, namely the guy who ran the entertainment division, Jamie Kellner. And while we'll never know for sure, beyond the whole 'dropping like a stone, losing tens of millions of dollars' thing (which really was a drop in the bucket compared to how much Time Warner and AOL lost with their own flavors of incompetence), the conspiracy is that Kellner looked down his nose at the 'wrasslin', seeing it as lowbrow garbage that was only watched by toothless hicks who drove rusty pickups and committed casual incest, and basically went "Get that poo poo off MY lawn." Basically, you know that rear end in a top hat who's loving HBO and Warner Brothers in the rear end to make money via some bullshit business crap? Same basic stuff.

Basically an 80s comedy where the jock wants to close down the lovable dorks' clubhouse and they have to win a sports contest to save it, but in the end the dorks lose and also everybody is a despicable coke-fueled rear end in a top hat.

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised.

Grendels Dad posted:

Basically an 80s comedy where the jock wants to close down the lovable dorks' clubhouse and they have to win a sports contest to save it, but in the end the dorks lose and also everybody is a despicable coke-fueled rear end in a top hat.

Just swap the jocks and the dorks.

Cornwind Evil
Dec 14, 2004


The undisputed world champion of wrestling effortposting
Happy Holidays. Here's a present. Or maybe a lump of coal. Or both.

HO OH NO: Xanta Klauz Is…Already Gone



I remember when I was a kid, reading a Berenstain Bears book based around Christmas. The start of the book mentioned that ‘it was only two days after Thanksgiving, and already the sights of Christmas had covered Beartown’ (or whatever the place’s name where they lived was). I was confused. I lived in Canada. Thanksgiving is at the start of October for us (further north, earlier harvest season). Why would they already be fully decked out for Christmas? It hasn’t even been Halloween yet!

I later discovered that in the U.S, Thanksgiving is in late November, which made a LOT more sense. However, the even funnier thing is that nowadays, seeing signs of Christmas at the start of October could well be considered ‘a bit late’.

They call it Christmas Creep, the promotion of perhaps the king of all holidays’ length expanding further and further back from the actual date. On some levels, I get it. There is a certain build up to the day that Christmas haves that most other holidays, save perhaps the just mentioned Halloween, don’t have. No one really spends weeks anticipating Easter, or the 4th of July, or Valentine’s Day. And indeed, with Christmas, it does seem a little sadder once it’s passed, like all the lights and decorations really need that passing of time to ‘resonate’.

That’s the point of this little article, though. Time passes, and things come and go. And a different kind of Christmas Creep.

The fifth In Your House, retroactively titled “Season’s Beatings”, took place deep in the dark doldrums of the failure of WWE’s ‘New Generation’ period. Kevin Nash’s near yearlong title reign had finally come to an end, but there was still a good year and change before the first trappings of the Attitude Era finally began to pull the WWE out of the swamp they were half buried in. Considering the NWO was also a good half a year away, it was just a bad time for wrestling in general. 1995 had seen what are considered as strong contenders as the worst Wrestlemania and King of the Ring ever put to PPV, as well as memorably bad gimmicks like Mantaur, who came to the ring wearing a giant badly taxidermined bull head…



Phantasio, the magician, who maybe had two matches, and whose finisher was ‘pull his opponent’s underwear out and roll them up when they were surprised’...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwmxqEJnzHE

And stuff like respected wrestler Louie Spicolli getting the gimmick of grunge loving wrestler…Rad Radford. Yeah, we knew he loved grunge, because rad was in his name twice. At least the wrestling move he invented is named after him instead of any bad gimmick.

Not that they were ALL bad. 1995 was the year Goldust debuted as well…though as I outlined at length, it was bad for other reasons. And then there were the what-could-have-beens like Waylon Mercy, a take on Max Cady’s character from Cape Fear, who many feel COULD have had potential, if just for a hidden gem gimmick…except the man who played him, Dan Spivey, was hired by the WWE for the role in time for his body to promptly break down from his cumulative career injuries, causing him to be gone within three months.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChqkrN2gwMw

Also, while checking details, I discovered that one of the names Spivey wrestled under was apparently “Dangerous Dan The Right Hand Man”. Perhaps in another universe he formed a tag team with “Kama The Supreme Fighting Machine”.

In any case, it seemed like the darkness of 1995 was tainting everything that entered the WWE, and on December 17th, that included jolly old Saint Nick. On the PPV, between truly great matches like Henry O. Godwin vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley in a Hog Pen match, and Undertaker managing to survive one final match with King Mabel, out came Santa to give out presents to the crowd, along with general generic face hero Savio.



Along to spoil the fun came Ted DiBiase, who probably felt he had had a lousy year too. The Million Dollar Corporation had won no titles, the Undertaker had run through most of the members of his heel stable, and while one of the members had main evented Wrestlemania 11, he had lost to a football player. Between that, and losing several members over the year, including his first member, Nikolai Volkoff, who was presented as ‘wholly owned’, making his final appearance before he entered essential retirement to chase DiBiase off as one last sign that he had ‘escaped’ the evil millionaire, Dibiase probably didn’t have much to be cheerful about. Or maybe not. Because he had perhaps scored a bigger get than anyone could imagine.



HE HAD BOUGHT SANTA CLAUS.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvcEcbvEu5g

After a bunch of disparaging comments directed towards him, Santa showed he apparently had no self-respect when DiBiase gave his cue, and Santa clobbered Savio with his sack of presents. DiBiase gloated that once again, everyone had a price. Even Santa. As Wrestlecrap points out, Vince, on commentary, sold it like HE believed in Santa and that he was watching Santa become evil right before his very eyes, while Jerry Lawler, then actually trying to be the ‘evil’ color commentator, cackled all the way through it.

And maybe if DiBiase had done this in late November, it might have just been a silly little thing, meant to pass in the several weeks it had. But this happened on December 17th. Based on the WWE shows running at the time, that meant they had at most three TV shows before Christmas, and Raw was more or less the only ‘important’ one. And they weren’t going to get airtime on Raw. But hey, never let bad timing get in the way of a bad idea, as DiBiase would debut the ‘true identity’ of ‘Santa’ on WWF Superstars instead. It was in fact, the evil XANTA KLAUZ!



Or maybe it was Klaus, eh, might as well go the extra mile. Having apparently never heard of the Krampus, or the short story “And Eight Rabid Pigs”, and with Santa’s Slay a decade and change from existing, Dibiase declared that Xanta was Santa’s evil brother and opposite in every way. He didn’t live in the North Pole, he lived at the South Pole! He didn’t give out presents, he stole them! He didn’t have a delightful red and white outfit and white beard, he had a red and black outfit, complete with his name…



(Sorry for the small picture. And shouldn’t his red have been inverted as well? What IS the inversion of red anyway? Blue? Yellow?)

And a menacing black beard, and he shouted HO HO HO with great menace as well (shouldn’t he have gone “Oh oh oh?” Would they think he was French?) He swiftly dispatched the jobber he had been sent to wrestle, surely the first of many victories to…

Oh. Christmas came and went. And perhaps Ted DiBiase, in universe, realized he had gone from crushing Lex Luger’s final attempts to be Hogan at Survivor Series 1994 to managing an evil Santa Claus, who kind of stuck out like a sore thumb when Christmas was over (then again, if he was the evil opposite Santa, why WOULDN’T he be around the rest of the year? Heck, in argument Christmas creep worked against him, because it meant he’d have less time to spread not Christmas evil), and after that lone TV match, Xanta Klauz would never be seen again.



Considering the main photo of his match is him applying this camel clutch, I submit that Xanta Klauz would have been 1000x better if he had been played by the late Iron Sheik. Heck, make it a yearly thing. Surely Sheiky Claus would have worked better than the Gobbledey Gooker.

Perhaps as a Christmas miracle, as dumb as this was, so dumb that even WWE commented on it in their official magazine years later (their excuse for Xanta’s there and gone time was that DiBiase realized that his so-called champion of darkness had a moveset that consisted of ‘an armbar and a legdrop’), everyone touched by it came out of it better to SOME degree. While DiBiase’s stable would fully die as 1996 began, with three of its remaining members leaving WWE and the last one suffering a neck injury, he would pick up one last newly signed wrestler to manage for his last months in the company before he headed to WCW in the second half of the year, a newly buzz-cutted guy who ironically was coming in from WCW, who DiBiase dubbed ‘The Ringmaster” and awarded his Million Dollar Belt to. The Ringmaster, after a month or so, decided he needed a new name, and ultimately went with ‘Stone Cold’. Savio? Instead of having to feud with an evil Santa, he got to be Steve Austin, ie the Ringmaster’s, first feud in the WWE, and got to be the one to ‘exile’ DiBiase when he bested Austin in a ‘Manager of losing wrestler leaves the company’ match (I forget what would happen if Savio had lost). That jobber ‘humbled’ by Xanta? That was Scott Taylor, and while he wouldn’t have the success of some Hey Look Who’s Jobbing names like Jeff Hardy, within several years Taylor would be a dancing club kid named Scotty Two Hotty and a key part of the Attitude Era.

It wouldn’t be the last time Santa would appear in the WWE either. Beyond numerous wrestlers dressing up as him to spring ambushes, a mere two years later, showing how times had changed, Santa would show up in the ring, only for Steve Austin to also show up and give him a Stunner (while revealing ‘Santa’ was actually evil heel manager Bruce “Brother Love” Pritchard), and in later years, there would be at least two ‘Good Santa’ vs ‘Evil Santa’ matches, one being between ECW alumni Bubba Ray Dudley (who was the Evil one) and Japanese wrestler Tajiri (the Good one), and years later, another one between Mark Henry (the Good one) and Damien Sandow (the Evil one). Oh, and the evil Vince McMahon once ‘forced’ Mick Foley to ‘fight’ ‘Santa’ in a Boiler Room Brawl, but as Mick himself pointed out to the man, to win such a match, all you had to do was escape the boiler room, so Mick would just stand aside and told Santa he could go back to the North Pole and legit claim he beat the Hardcore Legend in a Boiler Room Brawl (at which point other wrestlers jumped Foley. I forget what happened to Santa after that. Assumingly he did as was suggested). And of course, Foley himself loves Christmas, and looks very much like Santa nowadays (and even had a documentary where he devoted himself to the look for a year straight, just because).

Oh yeah. And Xanta?



He’d go on to be ECW’s Balls Mahoney. Which is a lot better than what happened with the likes of Mantaur and Phantasmo, even if he was the only one of the four men involved who never made it to Wrestlemania.

Merry Christmas.

(Thank you to Wrestlecrap and Ring The drat Bell Blogspot for some borrowed images.

Xanta's lone TV Match.)

Cornwind Evil fucked around with this message at 18:44 on Dec 25, 2023

Mulaney Power Move
Dec 30, 2004

Mantaur's main weakness was he couldn't see with the buffalo head on. He'd do the thing like he was going to charge you and just stumble into a corner and Vince would be like "Look out for MANTAUR, pal!"

Sydney Bottocks
Oct 15, 2004

Merry Christmas, everyone! Here's a WCCW Christmas show, timestamped to where Santa Claus makes a surprise appearance during a Freebirds/Von Erichs match.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPkg9Tu3EFo&t=4711s

Mulaney Power Move
Dec 30, 2004

i'm sure it was snowing in the locker room that night

Jonny Nox
Apr 26, 2008




Opposite of red is green, btw.

Remulak
Jun 8, 2001
I can't count to four.
Yams Fan
I know the character Phantasio was a doomed gimmick, but watching that match the dude that played him could have gone someplace. But he didn’t. Showbiz.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004


Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised.
Very missed opportunity for Santa vs Xanta.

122523_9
Dec 26, 2023
its as if these people never wrestle

DeadButDelicious
Oct 11, 2012

Leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet!

These take me back, in the best kind of way. My older brother had the very choice Undertaker and Bret Hart action figures, whereas I had... Doink and Brutus the Barber Beefcake, who I have never seen in a single match in my 36 years. :allears: I'm also pretty sure he had the road warriors as well, come to think of it.

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised.
If anything I feel like these bits get remembered for the cringe all the more because the management keep walking them back in embarrassment after presenting them with such confidence, compared to the commitment they've had for far dumber gimmicks. But cocaine fuelled whims are probably like that.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004


CM Punk debuts tonight but it’s a house show and not on TV. Guess they wanna test the waters first? Or is it to build hype?

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?
They want to make sure he doesn't start a fight with the balloon guy.

Kennel
May 1, 2008

BAWWW-UNH!

Cartoon Man posted:

CM Punk debuts tonight but it’s a house show and not on TV. Guess they wanna test the waters first? Or is it to build hype?

Seems pretty clever. They'll make tons of money with a special house shows and leave the actual debut to the big show.

It would probably be different if he hadn't wrestled 30+ televised matches last couple of years.

Vandar
Sep 14, 2007

Isn't That Right, Chairman?



Kennel posted:

Seems pretty clever. They'll make tons of money with a special house shows and leave the actual debut to the big show.

Big Show's still in AEW, though.

Beer_Suitcase
May 3, 2005

Verily, the whip is ghost riding.



My parents always find some wrassle something to give me for the holidays.

This year I got this art print. And if you just kind of glance at it, it looks like someone drew a buncha girls with their tits out. Also some of them didn't get names, just a logo.




Edit: not everyone has Twitter

Beer_Suitcase fucked around with this message at 20:48 on Dec 26, 2023

DeadButDelicious
Oct 11, 2012

Leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet!

Beer_Suitcase posted:

My parents always find some wrassle something to give me for the holidays.

This year I got this art print. And if you just kind of glance at it, it looks like someone drew a buncha girls with their tits out. Also some of them didn't get names, just a logo.




Edit: not everyone has Twitter

Is Rey Mysterio wearing a bath towel?

Szyznyk
Mar 4, 2008

They forgot 2/3 of Money Inc.

Beer_Suitcase
May 3, 2005

Verily, the whip is ghost riding.



DeadButDelicious posted:

Is Rey Mysterio wearing a bath towel?

I believe so, and why does it say Sgt Slaughter and then have T Jordan under it? edit (thats the artists initials) And if you dont know who Lou Albano is, why would a Chibi Lou Albano help?

The back

Beer_Suitcase fucked around with this message at 21:57 on Dec 26, 2023

Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 10, 2009

dixie carter would be the perfect VP for trump's 2024 run and that is not a compliment.

ric flair looks extremely high on that drawing of him, which is very fitting, because he probably was.

BOOTY-ADE
Aug 30, 2006

BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Beer_Suitcase posted:

My parents always find some wrassle something to give me for the holidays.

This year I got this art print. And if you just kind of glance at it, it looks like someone drew a buncha girls with their tits out. Also some of them didn't get names, just a logo.




Edit: not everyone has Twitter

HHH part of the 'taser balls heart attack' club & Superfly looks like Terry Funk cosplaying Jimmy Snuka :lol:

wesleywillis
Dec 30, 2016

SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

Szyznyk posted:

They forgot 2/3 of Money Inc.

Virgil and...... Nikolai Volkoff? I loved the fact that he had the Cents sign on his outfit

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?
Money Inc. was DiBiase, IRS, and Jimmy Hart.

SirPhoebos
Dec 10, 2007

WELL THAT JUST HAPPENED!

Beer_Suitcase posted:

My parents always find some wrassle something to give me for the holidays.

This year I got this art print. And if you just kind of glance at it, it looks like someone drew a buncha girls with their tits out. Also some of them didn't get names, just a logo.




Edit: not everyone has Twitter

At first I thought you had whited out Hulk Hogan. Which would be understandable, but did prompt me to wonder why you left Jimmy "actual murderer" Snuka alone.

Cthulu Carl
Apr 16, 2006

Beer_Suitcase posted:

My parents always find some wrassle something to give me for the holidays.

This year I got this art print. And if you just kind of glance at it, it looks like someone drew a buncha girls with their tits out. Also some of them didn't get names, just a logo.




Edit: not everyone has Twitter

I like how for so many it looks like their logo is being used to censor them exposing themselves.

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


I'm going to write an effortpost about Saturday's AEW PPV Worlds End, but a big part of it is the finals for the AEW Continental Classic, an amazing round robin tournament they've spent the last month and a half doing. From start to finish, it's been incredibly solid and AEW has decided to put every match so far (30 round robin matches and two semifinals) onto YouTube in one video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EV-DRnjamZA

It also has post-match interviews after each match, which is awesome for guys like Eddie Kingston, Daniel Garcia, and Bryan Danielson.

Cornwind Evil
Dec 14, 2004


The undisputed world champion of wrestling effortposting
A reminder that the business, among other things discussed at length, is also quite gross.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hlwn_75NW_k

If I'm lining up names correctly, that's the guy who played The Berserker in WWE, mentioned in my Undertaker first quarter career analysis.

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


There's an AEW PPV tonight called Worlds End. Will probably be good, though the main event angle might end with a reveal that will kill the show. I don't know, I need something to write to distract me from this covid. I'll get back to Jake Roberts stuff one day.

MJF (C) VS. SAMOA JOE

AEW World Championship


A few months back, MJF successfully defended his AEW title against Samoa Joe. It took some cheating and the support of MJF’s best buddy/fellow Ring of Honor tag champ Adam Cole (who accidentally messed up his ankle running to the ring), but he did it and Joe even respected him for it.

Then things got a bit weird. MJF ran afoul of Jay White of Bullet Club Gold and at one point, White was attacked backstage by a group of masked men, led by someone wearing MJF’s Devil mask. Though MJF explained it wasn’t him and he wouldn’t hide it if he was behind it, Bullet Club Gold and others (especially Cole’s jealous friend Roderick Strong) insisted it absolutely was MJF. MJF was able to defeat Jay White at the last PPV, but the Devil and his henchmen have still been lurking.

Joe made it apparent that he wanted a rematch, but he also wants to face MJF at his best. Joe has decided to protect MJF at all costs, which is good, as the Devil has been showing up more often. Possible identities of the Devil include Adam Cole, Jack Perry, Britt Baker, and Roderick Strong.

The Devil made a challenge where MJF would defend his ROH titles with Samoa Joe replacing Cole. The challengers were two masked henchmen. Before the match, Joe was found beaten up backstage, leading to MJF defending it by himself, only for another henchman to pop up and hit him with a pipe. MJF lost the titles to the mystery men and Joe ran out to clear the ring. Joe then revealed he was in cahoots with the Devil and flattened MJF with a chair followed by a Muscle Buster.

EDDIE KINGSTON VS. JON MOXLEY

AEW Continental Classic Finals, with the winner becoming AEW Continental Champion


In what may be the absolute best thing AEW has ever done, they announced a counterpart to NJPW’s G1 Climax called the Continental Classic. There would be two separate round robin tournaments. Once all the matches are done, the guys with the most points have finals for their respective brackets. At Worlds End, the two finalists will face off for the ROH World Championship, NJPW Strong Openweight Championship, and AEW Continental Championship. This Triple Crown/merged title can be defended in AEW, ROH, or NJPW.

The Gold League was made up of Mark Briscoe, Jay Lethal, Jon Moxley, Rush, Swerve Strickland, and Jay White. Moxley, Swerve, and White won all of their matches except against each other, making a three-way tie. They took part in a triple threat with Moxley coming out the winner.

As for the Blue League, the brackets was made up of Andrade El Idolo, Claudio Castagnoli, Bryan Danielson, Daniel Garcia, Brody King, and Eddie Kingston. Eddie went into the tournament as both ROH Champ and NJPW Strong Openweight champ, deciding to put them up for grabs. This nearly ended up being his downfall as he was immediately demolished by Brody King and then defeated against Bryan Danielson. Bryan saw a sign in the crowd saying “EDDIE IS A BUM” and decided to drape it over Eddie’s half-conscious body. This lit a fire under Eddie, who proceeded to win every match after that. This included getting his win back against Bryan in the Blue League finals.

After that match, Moxley appeared to congratulate his longtime friend, telling Eddie to go 100% at Worlds End because Moxley won’t be holding back.

CHRISTIAN CAGE (C) VS. ADAM COPELAND

No Disqualification Match for TNT Championship


Ever since turning on Jungle Boy a long, long time ago, Christian Cage has been just the biggest dickhead in wrestling. It’s wonderful. He especially loves making fun of people for having dead dads, including 18-year-old prodigy Nick Wayne. Over time, Nick joined Christian’s side, horrifying his mother Shayna Wayne.

At the same event, Adam Copeland debuted in AEW. At first, it seemed like he was going to work with Christian, but then he fought against him and his underlings. Copeland truly wanted his friend to snap out of his rear end in a top hat persona and join him in one last tag run, but Christian outright told him, “Go gently caress yourself.”

The two kept their feud going, including a segment where Copeland delivered a con-chair-to to Nick Wayne. Copeland and Christian had a match for Christian’s title, but Shayna interfered on Christian’s behalf, furious that Copeland maimed her son. In the aftermath, when the two former friends were supposed to have a sit-down interview, Copeland instead jumped Christian and had to be pulled back.

Their rematch will be no DQ.

TONI STORM (C) VS. RIHO

AEW Women’s Championship


Toni Storm has become the biggest part of the women’s division ever since becoming a black and white starlet who constantly throws shoes and talks about tits. This has led to her becoming Women’s Champion. She also has a hanger-on named Mariah May, who is Storm’s biggest fan and is always accompanying her despite Storm never retaining memories of her existing.

Riho, the original AEW Women’s Champion, made her return to the company and earned her way into a title shot. Though Storm has been disgusted by this miscreant upstaging her, Riho has mostly been able to get one over on her. Well, except for the time Mariah May attacked her from behind and laid her out.

Toni Storm still has no idea who Mariah May is.

JULIA HART (C) VS. ABADON

TBS Championship


Abadon is a spooky zombie who has been around since the early days of AEW, but spent way too long off TV due to inexperience and injury. Now they’re back and winning enough matches to get a title shot. More than anything, Abadon has caught the attention of TBS Champion Julia Hart, who is also spooky, but in a goth witch way.

Julia was able to get a numbers advantage by revealing that Skye Blue is now her spooky henchwoman. Lucky for Abadon, they were helped out by a returning Thunder Rosa. Really, this is just a stepping stone towards a Julia Hart vs. Thunder Rosa feud.

HOOK (C) VS. WHEELER YUTA

FTW Rules Match for FTW Championship


The factions Blackpool Combat Club and Best Friends had a long feud and with Wheeler Yuta as the junior member of the former and Hook as an ally of the latter, so it was only a matter of time before the two crossed paths. Yuta confronted Hook a few times, suggesting he wanted his FTW Championship.

Yuta still got gold in the meantime, by defeating Katsuyori Shibata for the ROH Pure Championship via cheating and then spiking Shibata on his head (the dude did have brain surgery a while back). Hook took exception to this and made the challenge.

SWERVE STRICKLAND VS. KEITH LEE

Swerve and Keith Lee spent a good stretch as former tag champs Swerve in Our Glory. They gradually broke up and a really, really long feud started that meandered and we never even got a singles match out of it. Probably because Keith’s ability to do singles matches was fried from a lengthy bout of covid from a few years ago. Either way, he’s back to doing singles matches and he’s interested in finally getting his revenge.

Having lost the semifinals of the Continental Classic, Swerve is pissed and has accepted Keith’s challenge as an excuse to take out his frustrations and prove himself.

MIRO VS. ANDRADE EL IDOLO

Miro’s kind of weird. He’s constantly talking about how he’s not worthy to be with his wife because he’s not a champion. Then his wife CJ Perry joined AEW as a manager. Miro wants her back in the kitchen (his words, not mine) and goes on a rampage whenever anyone even talks about being represented by her.

As Andrade El Idolo became her big client, Miro was incensed. He agreed to leave him alone during the Continental Classic, as getting involved would cause his firing, but now that that’s done with, Miro wants to tear him in half.

RICKY STARKS, BIG BILL, KONOSUKE TAKESHITA, AND POWERHOUSE HOBBS VS. CHRIS JERICHO, SAMMY GUEVARA, STING, AND DARBY ALLIN

This one’s a bit complicated. Due to their endless rivalries with the Don Callis Family, Kenny Omega joined forces with Chris Jericho and became the Golden Jets. They ended up winning a shot for the tag titles, currently held by Ricky Starks and Big Bill. The build for the match was really awful and had one of the worst promo segments in AEW history, where Omega seemed really out of it.

Turns out Omega had diverticulitis. So he was taken out of the story.

One member of the Don Callis Family who hasn’t been on TV for months is Sammy Guevara, who was Jericho’s protégé before turning on him and joining Callis. Unfortunately, he stopped showing up due to a concussion and since his wife was expecting, they just waited until after the baby was born to bring him back. He felt disrespected by Callis and started poo poo with the Family. This caused Jericho to have his back and the two made amends. Starks and Bill attacked the two, only for Sting and Darby Allin to pop up out of nowhere to even the odds.

So... four-on-four, I guess!

OH! And on top of ALL THIS, Jericho got in a real-life argument with this internet reporter guy on Twitter who tends to be CM Punk's mouthpiece. This guy decided to get back at Jericho by saying, "Hey, Chris Jericho sexually pressures women in AEW and makes them sign NDAs and I've known about this for years!" Which is just... makes everything awful and puts a dark cloud over the show.

BRYAN DANIELSON, CLAUDIO CASTAGNOLI, DANIEL GARCIA, AND MARK BRISCOE VS. BRODY KING, JAY WHITE, RUSH, AND JAY LETHAL

The eight competitors in the Continental Classic who aren’t elsewhere on the card will get together for another four-on-four tag match. Certain storylines that came out of the tournament include Bryan Danielson having a total breakdown after his failure to defeat Eddie Kingston, Daniel Garcia losing every one of his matches until squeaking out a win against Brody King, and Jay Lethal becoming disillusioned with himself and his stable of yes-men after losing every single one of his matches.

20-MAN BATTLE ROYAL

Winner gets a shot at the TNT Championship


No official names quite yet, so it’s going to be filled with midcarders, jobbers, and tag guys, I guess. Probably like 2-3 guys who feel like they are important enough to win.

KRIS STATLANDER VS. WILLOW NIGHTENGALE

Statlander and Willow are good friends who are supportive and always come out to even the odds when the other is being attacked post-match. ROH’s GM Stokely Hathaway wants to produce some chaos, so he’s been trying to turn them against each other. He figures putting them into this match will make things more interesting.

Seth Pecksniff
May 27, 2004

can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.
I saw this reel last night of when Ric Flair had a heart attack in ring at Nitro and I was like :stare:

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004


https://i.imgur.com/fJQCntE.mp4

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spaceblancmange
Apr 19, 2018

#essereFerrari

Gavok posted:

OH! And on top of ALL THIS, Jericho got in a real-life argument with this internet reporter guy on Twitter who tends to be CM Punk's mouthpiece. This guy decided to get back at Jericho by saying, "Hey, Chris Jericho sexually pressures women in AEW and makes them sign NDAs and I've known about this for years!" Which is just... makes everything awful and puts a dark cloud over the show.

what

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