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Drunk with power and high on clown gas Jim stumbles into the office. "I have completed the impossible task. I have fulfilled my destiny. No one can stop me now!" screams Jim. "I have submitted the rundown after only a bit more than a decade. Which is nothing in the grand scheme of things to come. Nothing!" He flounders over to Dwight's desk and continues to babble: "You did everything in your power to prevent my success. But it was not enough. And as a result you and children and your children's children shall never know a day without a prank. Mark my words, Dwight!" Jim abruptly turns around, trips over his own feet and crawls toward the exit. "Charles Minor is no more and now none of you has a guardian. You should tremble in fear!" Jim finally gets up and staggers to the elevator. The office is dead silent. Only the bing of the elevator and a final stumble into it can be heard. After a few minutes of shocked silence Dwight starts an empty email addressed to Charles Minor. He opens his browser and types into the search field hoping against hope: "Synonyms for rundown"
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Dec 29, 2023 22:42
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| # ? May 31, 2024 06:52 |
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dwight walks into the office kitchen, seeking a coffee refill. as dwight tops up his mug he glances to his, dwight's, left and notices a nude jim squatting by the fridge, eyes screwed shut. jim is slowly sliding a pistol into and out of his, jim's, mouth while grunting softly. shocked, dwight drops the mug with a clatter; jim's eyes slam open and he starts, violently. jim jumps to his feet, red-faced as he hides his weapon. the only sound as jim powerwalks out of the kitchen is the squeak of tennis shoes.
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Dec 29, 2023 22:59
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Jim blows Dwight... ...blows Dwight away! ...with his ability to blow Dwight
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Dec 30, 2023 00:51
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Jim cracks a warm colt 45. It's gonna be a long night in his pranktorium. Jim adjusts his reading glasses and focuses the single dingy lamp on his crusty desk. He grabs a red crayon and a sheet of construction paper. On the paper he carefully writes "kick dweyte in bals." Upon reading his prank, Jim begins to joker laugh. Slowly at first, but louder and more frantic over time. Upstairs, Pam pours another shot of captain morgan and turns up the volume on real housewives.
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Dec 30, 2023 01:03
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Jim brews up a custom batch of high test clown gas - promising that in the new year, things will be stranger.
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Dec 30, 2023 02:25
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Jim, a burgeoning manosphere influencer, starts selling high test clown gas on his X (the everything app) streaming channel. Unsafe pranks begin stochastically occurring across the nation.
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Dec 30, 2023 02:42
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Jim posts a series called paper hacks where he tears a strip of paper from 8.5x11 ultrawhite card stock and twists it up and tucks it under something on Dwight's desk. He lights the end of it and watches to see if Dwight reacts in time and blows it out or stamps it out. Dwight rushes back from the bathroom to put out the paper fuse burning his way to to his upper left top drawer. After the paper fire is extinguished he finds his three hole punch encased in naptha smelling jello.
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Dec 30, 2023 05:05
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Jim posts a series called "Toilet Hacks" where he pisses in Dwight's desk drawers.
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Dec 30, 2023 06:20
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Jim is cleaning out his desk when a bunch of tiny figurines fall out. "What are--- Oh my God!" Dwight beams with excitement. "I remember these! These are SNORKS!" "Yeah, before I found Minions, I was really into Snorks." "I remember! And before that you were really into..." Dwight stopped and went back to typing. "Nevermind." "What?" "Nothing. I just have a memory of you being really into the Schmoo from Li' Abner..." "Yeah, I was. So?" "How long have we been doing this? I mean, really, how long?" "That's not the question you should be asking, Dwight. The question you should be asking is 'How long are we going to keep do this?'." Dwight stayed silent, and when he didn't respond, Jim continued. "The answer is: As long as it takes..." Jim began sliding all his Minions toys into his desk and put a strange neon green cartoon figures on his desk in its place. Dwight didn't know what these characters were. "...and we're just getting started." Jim mugs at the camera, before playing with the toys and making sound somewhere between a mooing and a bark.
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Dec 30, 2023 10:45
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Dwight goes to use the bathroom and Jim’s head pops out of the toilet while singing SKIBIDI BOP BOP BEE DEE
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Dec 30, 2023 13:43
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Jim is cleaning out his desk when a bunch of tiny figurines fall out. "What are--- Oh my God!" Dwight shouts angrily. "Those are my G.I. Joes! Give them back!" "Nuh uh I just have some of the same ones!" Jim lies. "Give those back!" Dwight reaches for the Joes but Jim snatches them away and flees to the other side of the office. "Michael!" shouts Dwight.
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Dec 30, 2023 17:39
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Jim is cleaning out his desk when a bunch of Disney Infinity figurines fall out. "Don't say a loving word, Dwight..." Jim stares viciously at his coworker, whispering harshly. "Not to Pam, not to anyone, not to Pam. Got it. You never saw thes--- Oh poo poo!" Dwight looks over his shoulder to see what startled Jim. An anxious Pam's eyes began to dart around the office. "Oh my God! Did someone hear that? I think I heard my tiny little Disney babies crying for me! Mommy's here! Where are you?!" "You need to get rid of these for me, Dwight, she can't find me with them! She'll kill me! They'll tell her everything!" "Like Toy Story?" Dwight whispers back. "Do you really believe they come to life like in that Toy Story movie?!" "No!" Jim starts sliding them under his desk with his foot. "At least, not until you connect them to the Infinity Base on the WiiU at home..." "Wait..." Dwight's suspension of disbelief has been long shaken by his relationship with Jim. "Then how does Pam hear them crying NOW?" Jim goes pale with the fear that Dwight might be onto something.
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Dec 30, 2023 18:20
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Dwight arrives at work to discover his desk has been hauled into the Hague for war crimes.
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Dec 30, 2023 22:08
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Jim gets a job at Disney, declaring himself a "Jimagineer". For his first order of business, he revives Walt Disney from his icy slumber in order to restart the clock on the copyright for Mickey Mouse and every other Disney-owned character. Dwight's handdrawn fan remake of Steamboat Willie is forced to delay release and refund all Kickstarter backers.
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Dec 31, 2023 09:02
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Jim replaces Dwight's compressed air keyboard cleaner with WD-40 so that the next time Dwight tries to clean the crumbs out of his keyboard he blasts it with oil instead.
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Dec 31, 2023 17:01
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Jim replaces Dwight's compressed air keyboard cleaner with an MP 40 so that the next time Dwight tries to clean the crumbs out of his keyboard he blasts it with 9mm bullets instead.
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Dec 31, 2023 17:16
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For New Year's Eve Jim wants to play every fun prank of 2023 on Dwight again. At 23:59 he is only finished with March. Jim mugs dejectedly into the camera.
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Dec 31, 2023 17:29
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Jim replaces Dwight's creamer with Kramer. Dwight is shocked by many of the things his coffee is suddenly saying.
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Dec 31, 2023 18:02
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Jim replaces Dwight's creamer with Schwimmer. Could he BE any more pranked?!
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Dec 31, 2023 20:13
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Jim resolves that in 2024, he's going to do the opposite of Dwight's resolutions so the cancel out in a universal sense. Everytime Dwight goes for a jog, Jim resolves to eat a cupcake. Every time Dwight picks up litter, Jim resolves to throw styrofoam into his fire pit. Every time Dwight donates to Feed the Children, Jim torches crops. Decades later, Dwight dies, but since every positive action provoked an equal and opposite negative reaction, his net worth on the world is exactly 0.
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Dec 31, 2023 21:11
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Dwight is sitting down to a quiet dinner at home when he realizes he's forgotten the cayenne pepper. He gets up and goes to the kitchen to find the missing spice while the camera crew remains in the dining room. The moment Dwight leaves, Jim drops into frame from above and puts his bare feet in Dwight's dinner. Jim mugs for the camera and puts a finger to his lips ("shh") before vanishing back up into the ceiling just as Dwight returns from the kitchen. Dwight sprinkles a few shakes of cayenne pepper into his food and then starts eating. The camera crew films Dwight eating the entire meal in a single, unbroken cut. Dwight never notices anything is amiss. He dabs his lips with his napkin then gets up to take his plate into the kitchen. We hear Dwight clattering the plate around in the sink. Jim lowers himself back into frame headfirst and smirks at the camera for several more seconds before the scene cuts to black.
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Dec 31, 2023 21:41
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Jim replaces Dwight's compressed air keyboard cleaner with MD-40 so that the next time Dwight tries to clean the crumbs out of his keyboard he gets hella crunk instead.
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Dec 31, 2023 22:35
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Jim gifts two tickets to Dwight for the "musical event of the century." When Dwight arrives at the concert venue it's a limp bizkit cover band.
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Dec 31, 2023 23:09
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Jim hijacks an empty commercial airliner and pulls the wheel all the way back, causing the plane to aim straight up. He pushes the throttle all the way forward and the plane breaches the stratosphere. Right before losing consciousness Jim radios the control tower and says "my name is Dwight Schrute and I'm flying this bitch to space." As Jim loses consciousness, his limp body falls forward onto the throttle. The plane fires it's afterburners and leaves the atmosphere. Eventually the engines sputter out due to lack of air, but the momentum carries it into orbit. Airbus sues Dwight for cost of the entire plane, an even 30 million dollars. Airbus wins the lawsuit because they can afford more expensive lawyers. 500,000,000 years later Jim's frozen corpse sails past the Ort cloud in the stolen Airbus. He mugs the cosmos. Jim's mugging corpse is the last monument to humanity. Jim had smeared "dwight sucks" in feces on the windshield in case of first contact.
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Jan 1, 2024 01:29
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Jim uses one of his magic beans to shrink down to the size of a mouse then hides inside Dwight's hunk of swiss cheese. Just as Dwight is about to take a big bite of the cheese, Jim pops his head out and screeches "BOO!" Dwight is so startled that he drops the cheese and falls backwards out of an open window. Jim mugs for the camera and winks as he helps himself to Dwight's cheese.
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Jan 1, 2024 01:47
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Jim teleports an elk into Dwight's stomach cavity, exploding him into gibs and killing him instantly.
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Jan 1, 2024 01:51
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Happy New Jim
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Jan 1, 2024 01:51
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New Jim has ganglier limbs, his teeth are three shades yellower, and New Jim's skin has visibly larger and oilier pores. New Jim pledges to prank Dwight's balls off in 2024. "No more weak sauce Old Jim pranks" says New Jim as he munches on a saltine cracker. Crumbs dribble down his turtleneck.
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Jan 1, 2024 02:05
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Jim calls Dwight at 10 minutes before Midnight keeps Dwight on the line for several minutes, costing him the chance to enjoy the arrival of the new year. Jim hangs up the phone and stares out the window of his hotel room at the Hollywood sign, counting down the minutes until the lovely LA New Years countdown begins.
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Jan 1, 2024 06:07
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Dwight marries Emily Blunt
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Jan 1, 2024 16:27
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Jim replaces Dwight's blunt with Emily Blunt. The next time Dwight lights up his prescribed medication it leaves a nearby waitress in tears.
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Jan 1, 2024 17:03
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Dwight and Pam take turns making tender, yet passionate, love to Emily Blunt
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Jan 1, 2024 18:28
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As prophecy foretold, Jim leaves the Pranking Temple on January 1st and begins his march across Scranton. As he passes the Arby’s his footfalls cause massive quantum damage and Dwight’s favorite sandwich, the Beet and Cheddar, is erased from existence. It never existed, will never exist, and if you ask for beets at Arby’s they’ll act like you have two heads. Jim smiles. As he approaches Dunder Mifflin his body appears to be giving off some kind of steam which rises into the air in whisps and curls. This is his Pranking Essence, refined to incredible levels through his training, so powerful that it’s visible to the naked eye. A whisp of it ensnares a bird flying by and transforms it into a DVD copy of Mars Needs Moms. Jim enters the lobby of the building and presses the button for the elevator. The hallway is filled with the sound of phantom squeaky shoes and smells like the worst pizza in Scranton, possibly all of Pennsylvania. As Jim rides the elevator upwards the face of his flesh runs like a melting candle. He has a new version of his mug for today, one that can crack continents in half and burn out stars in the sky. Dwight will love it. Jim opens the door to the office only to find it empty except for Creed. “Aged one,” Jim says in a voice that curdles milk, “where is everyone else? Where is Dwight?” “Hey there Tim,” Creed says absentmindedly, “well it’s January 1st. Office is closed. So this is Creed’s time to shine.” “Oh,” Jim says, his voice a little shakier, “uh, is he coming in today?” “Doubt it, Timbo. Why? Did you have something planned?” Jim frowns and his Pranking Essence begins to dispel. He tries to refocus but it’s too late, all he can think about is trying to keep his Pranking Essence up and he’s in his own head too much now. “Oh yeah, that happens to me, too,” Creed says with a warm smile. “It’s no big deal, happens to everybody once in a while.” “N-not to me! I don’t even know what you’re talking about! I’m always performing at 100%!” “Okay, Tim, sure. That’s why Pam bought herself that ‘back massager’ for Christmas, right?” “How did you know about that?!” “Buddy, I know EVERYTHING. Who do you think’s coming up with all these pranks? What do you think I do all day?” Frantic, Jim grabs one of the camera men who’s filming all of this and asks to see some footage from earlier in the week. Sure enough, once Jim finds footage of Creed, he sees him posting on an online forum. “Enhance!” Jim says to the camera crew. “We can’t, Jim, this is a pretty cheap digital camera. We work for PBS, not NBC or something.” “No need to enhance, Timmy,” Creed says with a smile, “I’ll send you a link. You a whatsapp man or are you still on MySpace? You like Tout? I can send it via Tout.” Jim is growing very nervous now and just asks Creed to pull this up on his computers. Creed does, happily, and shows Jim this very thread. “What the gently caress,” Jim says in awe. “What the gently caress?!” “Hey, they can’t all be winners, but I think I do pretty good considering!” “Creed, I don’t… how do you know this? How do you know my inner thoughts? Dwight’s inner thoughts?” “Hey, everybody’s good at something. Except you, heh. Nah, just joshin’ ya, you do okay. You’re a good comedic fool. You know, like Daffy Duck or -“ “Or a Minion,” Jim cuts him off, sadly adding this. “Well, not one of the big ones, no. Is there a Minion who just farts a lot and maybe has stuff blow up in his face? A pathetic Minion?” Jim’s dreams of cosmic pranks are gone now, his Pranking Essence has returned to its 2023 levels. “What about Dwight?” he asks with very little emotion in his voice. “Is Dwight just a Minion, too?” “Nah, not even close. You’re predictable, he’s not. That’s why he’s the main character now.” “Oh, okay. Can I… can I call Dwight?” “Sure. I mean, you were always gonna call him, I wrote it that way.” At the Schrute residence, Dwight picks up the phone. It’s Jim, and Dwight wishes him a Happy New Year and a belated Saturnalia. “Hey, Dwight, uh… I came into work today and had these big dreams about pranking you. But Creed’s here and he showed me some stuff and -“ Dwight cuts him off, saying the line must be bad, he thought Jim said Creed was in the office. But that’s impossible, Creed is in front of Dwight right now helping to prepare some meals that they’re going to take to the homeless shelter later today. Jim looks around and realizes he’s in an empty office. “N-never mind, Dwight. See you tomorrow. And the next day. And the next.” Jim ends the call and sits in the darkened Dundee Mifflin office for a while before going home. As he pulls in the driveway he sees a man holding a boom mic flee through the back yard, his pants around his ankles.
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Jan 1, 2024 18:36
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Dwight spends New Year’s morning preparing his famous Guinness & Beet stew so that it may simmer all day. Jim sneaks in and adds a teaspoon of salt, slightly altering the flavor profile.
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Jan 1, 2024 18:49
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Jim spends New Year's morning preparing to break the Guinness World Record for "most pranks played on Dwight in a single day."
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Jan 1, 2024 19:32
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Jim smokes some datura then cuts off his own penis while smoking invisible cigarettes.
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Jan 1, 2024 19:38
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Jim orders dwight a fleshlight and has it delivered to the office.
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Jan 1, 2024 23:11
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The fleshlight is modelled on Jim's anus.
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Jan 1, 2024 23:26
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Jim cleans his fleshlight in the office water fountain.
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Jan 2, 2024 00:26
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| # ? May 31, 2024 06:52 |
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Jim also cleans his anus in the office water fountain.
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Jan 2, 2024 02:24
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