A Fancy Hat posted:

Jim coats every square inch of the office with an extremely flammable but odorless and colorless chemical compound. When Dwight gets into work (early, as per usual) Jim appears with a flamethrower on his back.

"Hey Dwight? You're fired."

The building goes up instantly as Jim flees out a window. He waits by the front door for Dwight to escape but, after a few minutes, realizes that's not happening. Jim then flees the scene, grabs a few hundred thousand dollars from his house, and flees the country. HIs hope is that he's presumed dead in the blaze as well.

Decades later, an aged Jim sits in his palatial estate in the forests of Germany and watches Mars Needs Moms. As he prepares to slide his hand down his pants, his head of security appears.

"Excuse me, Mr. Prankholio," the man says, using the assumed name Jim has gone under since he fled the United States, "but there's something strange going on. The men in the beet fields... they're telling strange stories of a skeleton walking around."

"A... skeleton? What does that mean?"

"Just that a skeleton is walking the fields, sir. It seems to be... tending to the beets. But when they approached it, well, it disappeared. What should we do?"

"I pay you to figure that out, Armando. You'd do well to remember that. Take care of it."

"Y-yes, sir, Mr. Prankholio. My apologies."

As Jim returns to his movie, a skeletal form is making its way through the mansion. It slips, undetected, past the kitchen and begins walking the long hallway leading to Jim's room. As Jim continues watching the movie, eyes glued to the screen, he hears a knocking at the door.

"Armando! You try my patience, sir! What in the hell -"

The door bursts open and a skeleton, charred black, stands there. It lifts a single arm up and points a bony finger at Jim.

"Oh, gently caress, Dwight, please! Please I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Jim fumbles out of his giant racecar bed and trips on the floor, his legs caught up in exquisite silk sheets. The skeleton slowly closes the gap, the smell of burnt meat filling the room. Jim gags as he frees himself from the blankets, then lifts himself to his feet and begins to run away.

"Dwight, please, c'mon, it was a loving prank!"

There is no kindness in the skull that looks back, how could there be? It's a grim specter of death, staring back at Jim, reflecting his own mortality. Skeletal hands wrap themselves around Jim's throat and squeeze, crushing his windpipe in one supernaturally strong movement. Jim falls to the ground, lets out a final gurgling noise, and then passes. The skeleton is already gone by the time he hits the floor.

Back in Scranton, an aged Dwight squeezes a little bit of lemon juice into his beet tea and feels a shiver go up his spine. He sets down his tea and moves, silently, into his bedroom. He removes a journal from his nightstand and begins to write.

Jim has finally died. I know it for a fact, although I'll never see a body to confirm this. Hopefully Ryan can finally rest in peace, I'm sorry I couldn't save him from the burning horror of Jim's final prank.

Somewhere beyond the reach of mortals, a burnt skeleton lets out a triumphant howl before moving on to its final rest. Although it would be incomprehensible to any human ear, the closest approximation would be the sound "WUPHF".