NFL Wildcard weekend aftermath: 1000 yard stare.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL Wildcard weekend aftermath: 1000 yard stare.

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Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

AndrewP posted:

it must be weird to be a Cowboys fan under 30. Your team reliably suffers humiliating playoff defeats every year but everyone still hates you and gloats when you lose as if you had a 20 year dynasty

Pats kids seeing their future

# ? Jan 15, 2024 15:49

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# ? May 28, 2024 16:04

Hot Diggity!: Apr 3, 2010; SKELITON_BRINGING_U_ON.GIF

really queer Christmas posted:

I missed all the games yesterday and just saw the scores lmfaoooo

Packers Cowboys wasn't as close as the score makes it making it even funnier

# ? Jan 15, 2024 15:50

Beached Whale: Jun 27, 2009; The world as will and idea

Are we going to watch Robert Kraft animorph into Jerry Jones as he desperately tries to chase past highs through his own personal meddling that blows up in his face for decades while the rest of America still hates him for the smug successes of yesteryear? Sources say "yes"

# ? Jan 15, 2024 15:51

Pain of Mind: Jul 10, 2004; You are receiving this broadcast as a dream...We are transmitting from the year one nine... nine nine ...You are receiving this broadcast in order t

I had a friend who was a Cowboys, Bulls, Redwings, SF Giants fan in the mid 90s. Imagine how many more people like that are out there, and how much they deserve to lose.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 15:52

Shinjobi: Jul 10, 2008; Gravy Boat 2k

Beached Whale posted:

Are we going to watch Robert Kraft animorph into Jerry Jones as he desperately tries to chase past highs through his own personal meddling that blows up in his face for decades while the rest of America still hates him for the smug successes of yesteryear? Sources say "yes"

if that doesn't happen, another bust at a rub and tug would still be good enough for me

# ? Jan 15, 2024 15:53

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

Pain of Mind posted:

I had a friend who was a Cowboys, Bulls, Redwings, SF Giants fan in the mid 90s. Imagine how many more people like that are out there, and how much they deserve to lose.

I knew a kid in grade school who was like this, but with the Cowboys and Duke Basketball.

The world�s perfect shitheel sports fan.

It�s a wonder he didn�t also love the Yankees and Lakers.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 15:53

CBJSprague24: Dec 5, 2010; another game at nationwide arena. everybody keeps asking me if they can fuck the cannon. buddy, they don't even let me fuck it

Gonz posted:

https://x.com/koryewoods/status/1746757414416707628?s=46&t=GxZoSKgPzb_-zyUnvLFKvg

https://twitter.com/BleacherReport/status/1746744783073403133?t=mhM-t3CWXUmEqP9JAqjGsQ&s=19

# ? Jan 15, 2024 15:54

AAAAA! Real Muenster: Jul 12, 2008; My QB is also named Bort

shyduck posted:

Everybody in the Philly/NJ/NY area knows at least one person who became a Cowboys fan because they were hot poo poo in the early 90's and wanted to front run, including my childhood best friend who arrived to the bus stop one morning in a fresh new Cowboys starter pullover jacket, a top 10 anime betrayal. He's seen the light since but we are a product of events

Yeah I grew up in Eastern PA. I was born in the 80s and grew up surrounded by loud, obnoxious, rear end in a top hat Eagles fans. Even as a pre-teen I didnt want to root for a team with such toxic fans. Suddenly these Cowboys from Dallas started looking good and were dunking on the Eagles. Cool! I'll root for them. Thankfully I realized the error of ways and started rooting for this new expansion team with neat jerseys & colors, the Jaguars!

... gently caress.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 15:57

PostNouveau: Sep 3, 2011; VY till I die; Grimey Drawer

Pain of Mind posted:

I had a friend who was a Cowboys, Bulls, Redwings, SF Giants fan in the mid 90s. Imagine how many more people like that are out there, and how much they deserve to lose.

Had a Cowboys/Lakers/Yankees/Red Wings one. Cowboys was the only one that made sense geographically.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 15:58

Hot Diggity!: Apr 3, 2010; SKELITON_BRINGING_U_ON.GIF

https://twitter.com/DezBryant/status/1746702023246930202

# ? Jan 15, 2024 16:02

Black Sunshine: Apr 4, 2004; LEFT 4 DEAD IS A LOT LIKE FOOTBALL - I JERK OFF TO BOTH

CBJSprague24 posted:

https://twitter.com/BleacherReport/status/1746744783073403133?t=mhM-t3CWXUmEqP9JAqjGsQ&s=19

This is pretty great

Grats Lions fans, win the whole goddamn thing this year please !

# ? Jan 15, 2024 16:11

Bellmaker: Oct 18, 2008; Chapter DOOF

Great weekend of football so far, Stroud is great, Dolphins and Cowboys got embarrassed, and last nights game ruled.

Also the Cowboy's Superbowl win was 28Jan1996. Tom Brady's first game at Michigan was 28Sep1996 :thunk:

# ? Jan 15, 2024 16:35

Android Apocalypse: Apr 28, 2009; The future is
AUTOMATED
and you are
OBSOLETE; Illegal Hen

Watching ESPN's First Take this morning (yeah I know I know) and them dunking on Dallas is fun between sips of coffee.

I'd say I'm impressed with this collapse but then the TV then showed Jerry Jones and I realized there is one constant in all these years of failure� and you can't get rid of him.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 16:35

BonoMan: Feb 20, 2002; Jade Ear Joe

McCarthy and Dak can go to Carolina and rebuild there. Just let Dallas go fully down the toilet.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 16:41

AAAAA! Real Muenster: Jul 12, 2008; My QB is also named Bort

BonoMan posted:

McCarthy and Dak can go to Carolina and rebuild there. Just let Dallas go fully down the toilet.

Dallas is the turd that never flushes.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 16:46

Docjowles: Apr 9, 2009

https://x.com/DrawPlayDave/status/1746751551841157505?s=20

The concept of Stafford Old Yellering Detroit fans was funnier but I�m glad we got this outcome

# ? Jan 15, 2024 17:28

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

Every frame a painting

# ? Jan 15, 2024 17:54

Hot Diggity!: Apr 3, 2010; SKELITON_BRINGING_U_ON.GIF

Kalli posted:

Every frame a painting

Posted about it in the NFCN thread but TE leak ftmfw

It's literally the same play they ran week one against the Bears and almost exactly the same outcome (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaKj2OvfW5w&t=1294s). Only difference is Musgrave didn't fall down this time and LaFleur gave him a shoutout for that in the postgame celebration and it's one of the funniest things to happen this season: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFhL1y5x64E&t=72s

# ? Jan 15, 2024 17:59

YOLOsubmarine: Oct 19, 2004; When asked which Pokemon he evolved into, Kamara pauses.

"Motherfucking, what's that big dragon shit? That orange motherfucker. Charizard."

Kalli posted:

Every frame a painting

https://twitter.com/AndyHermanNFL/status/1746919566192546078

It looked like a college game with all of the busted coverages. Did Dallas practice at all last week, on either side of the ball?

# ? Jan 15, 2024 18:00

PostNouveau: Sep 3, 2011; VY till I die; Grimey Drawer

I was listening to the end of that game on the radio and they interviewed Romeo Doubs afterward and I've never heard a player less ready to be interviewed. He answered every single question with "we just continue to play football". It was like Dr. Sam Beckett leaped into him right before the interview.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 18:08

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

Kalli posted:

Every frame a painting

There will never be a man more open than this

# ? Jan 15, 2024 18:34

MJeff: Jun 2, 2011; THE LIAR

kalensc posted:

It's too bad Stafford's first game in Detroit as a Ram was also Detroit's first home playoff game in forever.

Both franchises won huge in that deal, hopefully Stafford is given a standing O if he returns again before he retires.

NFC North plays NFC West next season and the Lions host the Rams. So we'll find out pretty soon!

I hope he gets the tribute video and a warmer reception, then.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 18:34

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Kalli posted:

Every frame a painting

Make a great gif zoomed in on him and slowly zooming out until finally other players are in frame.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 18:41

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

Nervous posted:

This would make a great gif zoomed in on him and slowly zooming out until finally other players are in frame.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 18:42

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

Nissin Cup Nudist posted:

There will never be a man more open than this

The only play I can think of with comparable open space between him and the nearest defender (without like a CB in man falling down) is that one play where the Rams had a punt return where the guy pretended to be fielding the punt but ran away from it and drew everyone to him, while one gunner at a dead sprint was tracking the ball, caught it on the opposite side of the field and ran it back

And from re-watching it, he was slightly less open at the catch point, though everyone was running away from him at least:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fioVbt7eF8

# ? Jan 15, 2024 18:45

YOLOsubmarine: Oct 19, 2004; When asked which Pokemon he evolved into, Kamara pauses.

"Motherfucking, what's that big dragon shit? That orange motherfucker. Charizard."

On a pure defensive fuckup level this one may actually be worse.

https://twitter.com/billbarnwell/status/1746676669853671787

# ? Jan 15, 2024 18:48

Nervous: Jan 25, 2005; Why, hello, my little slice of pecan pie.

YOLOsubmarine posted:

On a pure defensive fuckup level this one may actually be worse.

https://twitter.com/billbarnwell/status/1746676669853671787

Hahaha. Quite the woopsiedoodle by Gilmore.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 18:51

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

I get passing a guy off... but Gilmore, to do what? WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER PASSING HIM OFF?

# ? Jan 15, 2024 18:52

Hot Diggity!: Apr 3, 2010; SKELITON_BRINGING_U_ON.GIF

Gilmore got picked on all game it rocked

# ? Jan 15, 2024 18:53

PostNouveau: Sep 3, 2011; VY till I die; Grimey Drawer

YOLOsubmarine posted:

On a pure defensive fuckup level this one may actually be worse.

https://twitter.com/billbarnwell/status/1746676669853671787

21 had a stroke halfway through this play

Who am I? What am I doing?

# ? Jan 15, 2024 19:03

Super Jay Mann: Nov 6, 2008

Kalli posted:

Every frame a painting

The funniest part of that play is that Love must have been distracted by how open he was cause he threw the most garbage, wobbly underthrown duck I've ever seen and that was still good enough for a TD :v:

# ? Jan 15, 2024 19:05

elime anning: Nov 19, 2002; Morbid Hound

I remember a screenshot of an entire side of the field where Alge Crumpler is completely alone waving his arms for Vick to throw him the ball. Probably from around 2006. Hell if I can find it though

# ? Jan 15, 2024 19:09

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

Here's another. Chris Hogan vs the Steelers:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGkCjltEv-o

# ? Jan 15, 2024 19:15

Parallax: Jan 14, 2006

I think Stroud and Love are both gonna be great but boy those defenses sure were intent on making them look like top 5 guys already

# ? Jan 15, 2024 19:16

Detheros: Apr 11, 2010; I want to die.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 19:17

Jimong5: Oct 3, 2005; If history is to change, let it change! If the world is to be destroyed, so be it! If my fate is to be destroyed... I must simply laugh!!; Grimey Drawer

elime anning posted:

I remember a screenshot of an entire side of the field where Alge Crumpler is completely alone waving his arms for Vick to throw him the ball. Probably from around 2006. Hell if I can find it though

I remember this as well because I lost my fantasy playoff because of it. I think it was on the SAS wiki if that's still mirrored somewhere.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 19:18

Vertical Lime: Dec 11, 2004

Detheros posted:

they have not reached the nfc title game since hank scorpio gave homer the broncos

# ? Jan 15, 2024 19:22

kalensc: Sep 10, 2003; Only Trust Your Respirator, kupo!
Art/Quote by: Rubby

elime anning posted:

I remember a screenshot of an entire side of the field where Alge Crumpler is completely alone waving his arms for Vick to throw him the ball. Probably from around 2006. Hell if I can find it though

I know exactly the pic you're referencing, and while I didn't find it, I did stumble across this:

https://www.espn.com/espn/magazine/archives/news/story?page=magazine-20050103-article25 posted:

FAR AND WIDE

ALGE CRUMPLER IS USING EVERY ONE OF HIS GOD-GIVEN ASSETS TO HELP THE FALCONS FLY

His rear end jumps at you, blooming and broad, well-fed and high. It is powerful and intimidating and muscular, a mass of athletic weaponry. If this butt boxed you out during a pickup hoops game, your spleen would rattle. This butt is not his greatest physical gift-that would be his hands-but rather a secondary resource, more Beyonce's butt than J.Lo's, a subordinate tool that emerges as an integral part of his game.

All this butt talk might irk you, disturb you even, and certainly make you wonder where we're going with this. But the unavoidable fact is that everyone around Alge Crumpler talks about his butt, stares at his butt, is in awe of his butt. So it deserves to be detailed. Still, the intention is not to tease, objectify or stereotype Crumpler, nor is the posterior focus meant as a device to set up the position at which he excels, tight end. It just so happens that Crumpler's backside is a very big asset for him. "If it weren't for that rear end, Crump wouldn't catch a lot of passes," says Dauntae Finger, Crumpler's best friend and former teammate at North Carolina. "No one can get around him." When both were Tar Heel tight ends, they had similar builds and jersey numbers (Crumpler, 82; Finger, 83), and coaches used to tell them apart by glancing at their rears. Finger even gave Crumpler a nickname with his pal's behind in mind: Donkey Trough.

# ? Jan 15, 2024 19:28

trilljester: Dec 7, 2004; The People's Tight End.

Nissin Cup Nudist posted:

There will never be a man more open than this

The Cowboys have issues covering tight ends;

https://youtu.be/BfziIIlrLdI?si=u4I9L_niDj_fiv-_

# ? Jan 15, 2024 19:35

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# ? May 28, 2024 16:04

JonathonSpectre: Jul 23, 2003; I replaced the Shermatar and text with this because I don't wanna see racial slurs every time you post what the fuck; Soiled Meat

I just got home from watching the games at a friend's house outside around a roaring fire on a giant projector screen.

I watched America's nemesis Dallas Cowboys get completely run out of their own house on national TV and then saw America's team, the Detroit Lions, beat a team that seemed grown in a lab specifically to beat them. I mean, gently caress, two elite WRs?

Turns out it didn't matter because Lions, bitch.

The arc of the moral universe has bent towards justice, the fraud Cowboys have been punished for denying Detroit the satisfaction of that win on Christmas, and we will see your rear end next week at Ford Field, Bucs or Eagles, neither of whom I think was grown in a lab to beat us.

Lions defense is suspect, but that Lions offense is really something. To sum up all of my thoughts and feelings:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v50FAHpgskE

# ? Jan 15, 2024 19:36

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL Wildcard weekend aftermath: 1000 yard stare.

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