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Mordor She Wrote posted:on the topic of bad FPS games from the 90s, I played a shitload of Carnivores 1, 2 and the Ice Age expansion, they're the most barebones absolute nothing games ever where you wander around a late 90s open world forest (so like one tree every 15 ft) waiting for a dinosaur to run straight at you and instantly kill you. But you had a trophy room where all the dinosaurs you killed are displayed and that made putting up with all the bullshit worthwhile. Lol I played this poo poo too. It spooked the gently caress out of me as a kid.
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Jan 23, 2024 02:23
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Grey Cat posted:"Notoriously Bad Games" Yeah this could be a fun thread to be nostalgic about doodoo rear end games but people saying poo poo like Starfield is corny asf. As dull as that game is, it's not a fraction of hosed and poo poo a game as Outpost, Ultima 8/9, or Lords of Magic.
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Jan 23, 2024 02:25
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SilvergunSuperman posted:I have no idea what the gently caress was up with the voice acting in that game, but for the time on dreamcast those graphics were pretty great and I thought it was a lot of fun The voice acting was half the fun Suffer like G did
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Jan 23, 2024 02:27
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Oh I have one. T2 on the genesis. I had the nomad and remember playing it a lot cuz I did not have many games and thinking that I was just bad at the game and not that the game was a total piece of poo poo. I'm kind of jealous of the kinda access to video games my kids have. Just like thousands of games, right there.
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Jan 23, 2024 02:31
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The live action version of The Grinch with Jim Carrey had so many memorable scenes of the protagonist pulling pranks around Whoville with his rotten-egg-powered Grinchicopter and Octopus Climbing device. (You know, using the rotten eggs growing on stalks in the background of scenes, even indoors.) And how could you forget such settings as the Who Summer Camp, or The Dump... you know the snowless dump that exists despite the fact that the Grinch's home is supposed to be Whoville's dump. What? None of that was in the movie? The PS1 game taking these weird liberties actually made the game really cool in my opinion. Way better than trying to make a straight adaptation of the movie playable. It didn't offer you much of any explanation on what you were doing though, and the puzzles were so cryptic. I managed to get pretty far as a kid, but I never managed to finish, and there were so many side objectives, even in the first world, that I have no idea how to solve to this day.
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Jan 23, 2024 02:39
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Ahundredbux posted:The voice acting was half the fun Oh yeah it ruled
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Jan 23, 2024 02:40
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Floigan Brothers for Dreamcast. A terrible set of mini games and “puzzles”, that sort of aimed at kids but was too hard for them. Non-mini game play revolved around leading around a retarded man with an anger problem. I powered through the first level, thinking that the game would improve, and then…that was it. End of game. Took maybe an hour or two. Thank God I got it as a free game from one of my dad’s coworkers. The poor children who got that for Christmas. I can’t believe any actual copies of this exist, because that means someone was willing to pay for that poo poo. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Jan 23, 2024 02:41
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kntfkr posted:Oh I have one. T2 on the genesis. I had the nomad and remember playing it a lot cuz I did not have many games and thinking that I was just bad at the game and not that the game was a total piece of poo poo.
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Jan 23, 2024 02:42
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bitterandtwisted posted:Rise of the Robots. Yo, wtf was up with that? Why force the player to play as the one dude? Also, those Simpsons games where the levels were chosen at random, virtual bart etc . Just let me pick! The game i spent all my money on as a kid was Castle Quest on NES. The cartridge looked soooo dope. The game was so poo poo. At least they gave you 52 lives. Still wasn't enough.
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Jan 23, 2024 02:46
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ChickenHeart posted:Bionic Commando (2009) was a goddamned blast in spite of its atrocious plot and it's a travesty that its failure essentially killed-off GRIN before the studio had a real opportunity to become a powerhouse: I thought the plot twist about your wife's consciousness (?) being embedded in your arm was goofy but also it's a loving game about a guy with a super arm, why is this considered such a bad twist? It's not like it was disappointing, because that implies your expectations were way off.
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Jan 23, 2024 02:49
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Mordor She Wrote posted:that's just House of the Dead 1 oh ok ty Ahundredbux posted:Suffer like G did I cannot unhear this now. Ty (this is not sarcastic). databasic fucked around with this message at 02:59 on Jan 23, 2024 |
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Jan 23, 2024 02:53
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zenguitarman posted:The game i spent all my money on as a kid was Castle Quest on NES. The cartridge looked soooo dope. The game was so poo poo. At least they gave you 52 lives. Still wasn't enough. quote:"My hero began the game with a whopping 50 lives and there are TONS of vials scattered through the castle worth one bonus life each. However, each life is naught but a fleeting moment in Castlequest's.....uhhh...castle. I found that out in the very first room. I grabbed the blue key right next to me, used it to open the nearby blue door (keys only open doors of their color) and jumped to a ledge right above me. There was an enemy here, so I prepared to stab him with my really tiny sword. Before I could get close enough to complete this task, he fired an arrow at me and I died." 
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Jan 23, 2024 02:56
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Domus posted:Floigan Brothers for Dreamcast. A terrible set of mini games and “puzzles”, that sort of aimed at kids but was too hard for them. Non-mini game play revolved around leading around a retarded man with an anger problem. I powered through the first level, thinking that the game would improve, and then…that was it. End of game. Took maybe an hour or two. Thank God I got it as a free game from one of my dad’s coworkers. The poor children who got that for Christmas. I can’t believe any actual copies of this exist, because that means someone was willing to pay for that poo poo.
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Jan 23, 2024 04:01
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Anyone ever play Swagman? I tried that drat game again and again as a kid, always gave up around the big pumpkin boss. It's a top down rpg, sort of like Zelda but it takes place in a twisted suburbia with weird CGI Rendered sprites and heavy Tim Burton influence. Somehow the gameplay is so bad it squanders the potential of this. Swagman, the game that would be great, if only it were good. I'll give it another try tonight and see what it was that made this game so bad.
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Jan 23, 2024 04:11
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I really thought Starbound was going to be the Terraria killer. I played it a bunch as soon as it hit early access, just building stuff and visiting different planets to look at the semi-randomized creatures. It seemed like it could be really good once it got some real content. Every update just made the game worse, though.
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Jan 23, 2024 04:50
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Fighting Elegy posted:Anyone ever play Swagman? report back on this one, it looks/sounds interesting I don't think Messiah was very well-known (well, besides now that people know it for originating the Roblox oof sound), but I always wondered about it seeing it advertised on Wild 9, another Shiny Entertainment game. It ended up being a clearly unfinished early draft of the game rushed to ship, and was super clunky. Combat is extrordinarily difficult: going from third person to first and attempting to aim and shoot while most enemies take you out in one or two hitscan shots and you're often swarmed. It also was simply full of bugs, crashes, and I think softlocks. The game was very ambitious though. You controlled a cherub and had to sneak around and jump between possessing people to use their abilities. There was also just a lot of weird attention to detail you wouldn't expect when most of the important parts of the game were clearly rough drafts. "Shooting" as the cherub made him do a finger gun and say bang. Trying to bs being a scientist in one's body in one area would get you literally terminated. You could control a behemoth king of an underground cannibal cult, or an engineer who fell down an elevator shaft and broke his legs while you try to crawl to open the exit doors before the elevator crushes you, or a pimp dancing in a lovely rhythmn minigame. More fleshed out areas offered multiple approaches to your goals, which lends reason to why combat would be purposely clumsy. Alot of the time, though, it would be unavoidable, and you'd desparately be hopping body-to-body hoping the enemies would wipe each other out and not blast you out of the air and stomp you out. Speaking of stomping babies, the enemy reaction and presentation made the violence feel way grislier than the graphics alone afforded. Pinning enemies to the wall with harpoons while Fear Factory would be playing actually went pretty hard. Using a lot of backup saves, I did make it to the end, but could not for the life of me get past the final boss (by the way, it's Satan, who science found out was real and attempted to keep contained and fed a steady stream of blood so his power could be harnessed. This wasn't even a twist in the story, it's part of the setup.) Overall, it's squarely not a *good* game by any means, but it really stands out in my mind as a game I like that tried to do a lot of cool stuff and managed to pull enough off to make the jank worth wading through.
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Jan 23, 2024 05:01
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RavenousScoot posted:(well, besides now that people know it for originating the Roblox oof sound)  Today I Learned
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Jan 23, 2024 05:03
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Things I remember from Messiah: The cherub, Bob, adorably saying, "I'm going down there to kick Satan's rear end!" A guy called Pimp Daddy, and when you became him, there was a song that would play, none of which I remember except the lyrics "Pimp Daddy" being said again and again. Helicopter-gun dudes Bob's "weapon" being finger guns that do nothing The surprise that this takes place in a really interesting techno-dystopian future That game fuckin rocked credburn fucked around with this message at 05:18 on Jan 23, 2024 |
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Jan 23, 2024 05:15
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Captain Hygiene posted:
oh man if you haven't seen this insane roller coaster ride yet, it's a pro click https://youtu.be/0twDETh6QaI?si=1EQbJQWfJDsaUoyP I played messiah and didn't realize the oof sound was the roblox one... though I never played roblox so eh.. but that's only the very beginning that sets off an insane deep dive into Tommy Tallarico
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Jan 23, 2024 05:16
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RavenousScoot posted:oh man if you haven't seen this insane roller coaster ride yet, it's a pro click I always thought the Wilhelm scream was this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hy5prcsE-7A But I guess that's not it. I've sure heard this scream a thousand times before; what's this one called? edit just to say: I always thought it was hilarious that the Academy sound effect is someone screaming.
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Jan 23, 2024 05:20
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I played through and finished sonic 3d blast about 5/10 times on my old win95 back in the day What a poo poo game
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Jan 23, 2024 05:23
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One year I bought my littlest brother sonic 06 as a gag gift but then we sat down and completed the game. We had a great time but not because the game was good.
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Jan 23, 2024 05:40
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credburn posted:I always thought the Wilhelm scream was this one: howie long scream, I actually like it way better than wilhelm
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Jan 23, 2024 05:52
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Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:Yeah this could be a fun thread to be nostalgic about doodoo rear end games but people saying poo poo like Starfield is corny asf. As dull as that game is, it's not a fraction of hosed and poo poo a game as Outpost, Ultima 8/9, or Lords of Magic. I remember having fun with the Lords of Magic demo as a kid, so I went and bought the full version for like 5 bucks. I was a dumb kid and thought this was a good deal...but I wasn't prepared for how awful the full game actually was Two days later I went and bought Shadow of Death and never looked back
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Jan 23, 2024 05:59
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I played through all of LOOM as a kid.
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Jan 23, 2024 06:03
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kntfkr posted:I played through all of LOOM as a kid. Ask this guy about Loom
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Jan 23, 2024 07:39
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Circa 1995 or so I installed my CD-ROM copy of Johnny Mnemonic that I got for Christmas that probably cost like 40 bucks. It looped a five second clip of the movie then froze and crashed. I repeated this process for probably more than five minutes.
Suspekt Device fucked around with this message at 07:50 on Jan 23, 2024 |
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Jan 23, 2024 07:48
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I played oddworld soulstorm on release because it was free on PSN and abes exoddus was one of my favorite PS1 games. I couldn't believe how buggy and crappy it was. Also they ditched the original game's humor and tried to make it dark and edgy, which sucked rear end. Removed the fart button? Unforgivable.
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Jan 23, 2024 07:57
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blight rhino posted:My cousin had these. I think one of them you carried baby jesus and you could throw him in the water. they should make a black & white 3 where i can control a gigantic cat and knock things off of the counters of peasants, but then also sacrifice the peasants if they scold the cat at any rate they should make another B&W
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Jan 23, 2024 08:36
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Fighting Elegy posted:Anyone ever play Swagman? Strangely this is one of the 3 video games my mum has played from start to finish! I remember it being hard as poo poo, not in a fun way and also crying like a little bitch when the villain is revealed to still be alive at the end. For me it was the N64 version of WWF Warzone, I played hundreds of hours of that piece of poo poo, one of the worst engines in any fighting game and the fact they released 2 more games with the same engine annoys me. I remember getting WCW/NWO Revenge and never playing Warzone ever again
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Jan 23, 2024 12:03
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Played the poo poo out of NHL Stanley Cup for SNES. It has good graphics and sound and looked crazy enough to keep me coming back. It has massive problems. It has a 3rd person camera view for whoever has the puck, which is nauseating. The camera whips around so youre always facing forward. They were trying to reinvent the wheel and it didnt work. Theres also a trick to shoot from the blue line that scores every. Single. Time. It breaks the game. Whats worse is that you really cant score against the CPU if you dont use the trick. So you just would basically have 0-0 games until you figure out the trick, rinse and repeat and just pump the CPU 20-goose over and over again. It also wasnt licensed or whatever so its just a bunch of nameless clones scrambling around instead of actual players.
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Jan 23, 2024 12:42
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Lair was hyped as being one of the big games for PS3 and looked so cool I ignored the reviews it bombed in. I can't even write a big blurb about this one, it was just lame, even beyond the finnicky motion controls. It wasn't even so bad it's entertaining, it was just forgettable, which really sucks since it was a game about fighting other dragons while riding a dragon. also wikipedia posted:Sony released a reviewer guide to teach reviewers how to properly review the game. 
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Jan 23, 2024 14:07
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I played DMC 2 last year in attempt to play through the entire series. It is every bit as bad as its reputation. But I think I forced myself through about 30 minutes before moving on to one of my favorite games ever, DMC 3.
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Jan 23, 2024 14:14
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Froghammer posted:I am a JRPG lover through and through, and my household was a Nintendo household that skipped the SNES, which meant by necessity I played the everloving poo poo out of Quest 64 I also played too much Quest 64. I remember there being a day/night cycle that didn't do anything, signs that didn't have anything written on them, and shops that didn't sell anything since they didn't bother to put a currency system in the game. Wasn't bad looking for a Nintendo 64 game though. Very colorful.
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Jan 23, 2024 15:11
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SimCity owned, SimAnt owned, SimTower was decent so time to fire up SimIsle & undergo missions to protect the rainforest. Odd mess that felt like very early access Tropico where they hadn’t figured it out yet. You interact with the island through agents instead of having direct control which I had trouble with as my kid brain was used to point click build. Had oddly dark themes like on one island you’re supposed to shut down drug plantations but if your agent stays too long you get a message that his body was sent back in small boxes, which was spooky for a game series mostly focused on llama jokes. And I guess that if the natives get sad enough they’ll start growing drugs on their own and you can have your agents skim from their profits? Aren’t we here to save toucans? Which sounds more interesting than it was, as like I said the UI was terrible so it was hard to do anything. Hyrax Attack! fucked around with this message at 15:13 on Jan 23, 2024 |
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Jan 23, 2024 15:11
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I played Anthem for multiple, multiple hours. I was convinced that even though it wasn't good quite yet, the fun was coming any minute now. It did not. The last straw was when I decided to take a break from repeating missions to fly around the "open world" for a while to look for stuff to do because maybe that might be fun. There was nothing, and I mean literally nothing whatsoever, to do.
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Jan 23, 2024 16:55
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The sequel to StarTropics
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Jan 23, 2024 17:12
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blight rhino posted:Man, I loved black & white. With the gestures, and the ghostly whispers of "death"... and late late it would whisper your name.
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Jan 23, 2024 17:21
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Sonic R is a game that’s notorious for being bad, but I completed it 100% and I legitimately like it.
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Jan 23, 2024 17:25
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I also played a ton of B&W. It's a game with the exact same premise as Small Gods, one of the (if not the) best Discworld novels. I never stood a chance.
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Jan 23, 2024 17:28
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