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Jim replaces Dwight's diarrhea medicine with laxatives.
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Feb 15, 2024 23:40
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| # ? May 31, 2024 19:54 |
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Jim replaces Dwight's laxatives with iron pills.
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Feb 15, 2024 23:49
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Jim replaces Dwight. The beets die off; Angela languishes, unsatisified. Mose runs away from home and lives feral in the woods. The office collapses into disrepair, and dozens of orphans die of neglect.
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Feb 15, 2024 23:55
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Jim replaces Robert Downy Jr. as Iron Man. "They say you can't prank Dwight and be a superhero at the same time. Is it too much to ask for both?" Jim asks smugly as a cluster bomb destroys Schrute Farms.
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Feb 16, 2024 01:00
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Jim replaces Dwight with Anti-Dwight.
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Feb 16, 2024 01:04
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Jim replaces Dwight with Asian Dwight, played by Randall Park.
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Feb 16, 2024 01:42
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Jim gets a neon vest, hard hat, and a stop sign and stands in front of the office. When Dwight approaches in his car, Jim puts the stop sign up. Next to Jim there’s a bright orange sign: EVERY YEAR 300 PENNDOT WORKERS ARE KILLED BY SPEEDING DRIVERS DON’T KILL ME BALLOON BOY I HAVE A FAMILY Dwight feels so awful that he gladly sits there for 8 hours straight as Jim refuses to put down the stop sign. At 5 pm there’s a cartoonish whistle sound, Jim wipes his brow and puts down the stop sign, and Dwight can finally enter the parking lot.
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Feb 16, 2024 02:55
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Traffic safety Jim places several hundred orange cones on Dwight's road diverting motorists into his beet field and eventually to his home. This causes a huge backup since the drivers stopped when they would have driven through Dwight's kitchen. Mose goes outside to wave people up the driveway and back to the motorway, it consumes several hours out of his day.
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Feb 16, 2024 04:35
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The world reels in shock when the staff at the Louvre discover that the Mona Lisa has been brutally pranked. The famous enigmatic smile painted over with red clown lips. Nobody tripped the alarms. Security camera footage reveals nothing as the cameras had been disabled by an expert hacker. The police are baffled. The only clue is a note discovered at the scene, presumably left by the prankster, promising to prank all of the world's most famous works of art. In desperation, the world governments turn to the one man they swore would never see the light of day again. Inside a plexiglass prison cube in the heart of a specially constructed secure facility, Jim, nude except for an angelic white set of prison scrubs, mugs for the delegates sent to bargain for his cooperation. "What will you give me if I help you?" asks Jim, licking his dry and cracked lips. The delegates step aside to reveal a figure in a familiar mustard yellow shirt. "Me," says Dwight. "You can have me." Jim's smirk threatens to split his entire face open. It grows wider and wider before his lips part and he begins to cackle maniacally. The delegates blanch and step back, knowing they've just struck a bargain with the devil.
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Feb 16, 2024 14:14
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Jim throws a bunch of condensed beet soup at various masterpieces to protest Dwight’s role in climate change.
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Feb 16, 2024 14:24
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Jim says he has a new trick to show Dwight. He then stands up, grabs his belt, and lifts up. As if by magic, he lifts himself off the ground. "It's physics, Dwight! I freaking love science!" Jim keeps yanking up and, somehow, continues to rise into the air until his hits the ceiling. He then lets go of his belt and plummets back down to the ground, letting out a quiet "oof" as he hits the floor. Dwight assumes all of this was done with wires, similar to some of his beloved kung fu movies, so he doesn't pay it much attention. However, shortly after this, Jim gets a glass of water from the break room and sets it down on his desk. He then starts breathing on it until the water starts to boil. "Science! Look, Dwight! I'm adding heat to the water until it boils, but check this out! The heat being soaked in makes everything around it COLD!" Around the glass of water, ice has started to form. Jim slaps his cheeks and opens his mouth in a wide O shape, then repeats how much he loves science. Dwight grows a little more irritated now, since Jim is obviously using some kind of magic trick to pull off all of these bizarre phenomenon. Just as Dwight's working to process this weird trick, Jim picks up the glass and places two pencils on opposite ends of the glass. "Look, Dwight! The ancients used to create batteries like this! Simply put a conducting agent, such as this boiling water, between two pieces of lead. The electrons flow from one piece to the other, and the water allows it to happen so fast that electricity is generated! Huzzah!" Sparks fly from the glass as, true to his word, Jim makes an arc of electricity appear between the two pencils. Fully pushed to the brink, Dwight decides to push back. He asks Jim if science could help create a perpetual motion machine. "Ah! Indeed it can, my moon-faced friend. Why, I'm glad you asked, because I've already constructed one. Unbutton your shirt and you'll notice a surgical scar directly over your heart. Last night, while you dreamily slept through the night I entered your room, drugged you, and removed your heart. But don't worry, I put in a perpetual motion machine to pump blood for you! And, guess what? It works on the same principles as everything else I just did. So, Dwight, do you love science? Do you admit that everything I've done today is scientifically accurate?" Dwight absent-mindedly feels the surgical scar over his heart, then slowly nods his head. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Feb 16, 2024 14:54
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Jim, due to his rear end kissing and talent at deflecting blame onto his coworkers, is given the role of lead commissioning engineer for the new generator cell. On the FIRST DAY, Jim flips the disconnect before the phase rotation was checked, and Jim fries $40,000 worth of hardware that have lead times measured in months. Dwight is tasked with salvaging the schedule by poaching parts off the decommissioned cell and trying to integrate them at the last second. Jim of course doesn't help, he just stands there with a poo poo eating grin on his face while Dwight contemplates the decisions he made in his life that led to this moment. Dwight considers quitting on the spot.
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Feb 16, 2024 17:14
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Jim slips "empathy serum" into Dwight's coffee, heightening Dwight's already saintlike empathy to beyond superhuman levels. Dwight can now feel the emotional pain of everyone on Earth. Jim goes around causing pain and inconvenience to as many people as he can because he knows it also hurts Dwight.
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Feb 16, 2024 17:23
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Jim slips "empathy serum" into Dwight's coffee, heightening Dwight's already saintlike empathy to beyond superhuman levels. Dwight can now feel the emotional pain of anyone he interacts with. Dwight looks at Jim and immediately bursts into tears. Jim sits there, forcing himself to continue smirking, even as his smile falters a bit.
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Feb 16, 2024 17:43
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Jim toils away in his pranktorium and discovers that Dwight's fear can be harnessed as a powerful clean energy source by using his patented Scream Extractor. When tiny Jim scientists point out that Dwight's laughter is x10 as powerful, Jim tosses those tiny Jims into a trash compactor and burns their research.
LaserPrinter69 fucked around with this message at 17:52 on Feb 16, 2024 |
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Feb 16, 2024 17:49
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Jim toils away in his prankatorium and discovers that Dwight’s humiliation turns him on sexually.
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Feb 16, 2024 17:59
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Jim toils away in his prankatorium and discovers that Dwight’s humiliation turns him (Dwight) on sexually.
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Feb 16, 2024 18:02
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John Krasinski toils away in his imaginarium and comes up with 4 incredible new movie ideas. He rushes upstairs and wakes his wife, Emily Blunt, from slumber. "EMILY! EMILY! I did it! 4 guaranteed critical and commercial successes!" "That's great, John, real great," Emily says, still only half-awake, "can we talk about this in the morning?" "Idea one," John says, either ignoring his wife or not even hearing her, "what IF a small boy had a secret laboratory inside of his bedroom? And the only person who knew was his sister, who delighted in causing destruction within that lab? Idea TWO! What IF the Grim Reaper became the servant of two small children who used him to perform small feats of magic to amuse them? IDEA THREE! What IF there were two slacker friends who worked at a park together but they were animals and they got into wacky hijinx? And FINALLY, what IF a samurai tried to slay a monster but was instead sent into the distant future where that monster had already conquered Earth?" "John," Emily rubs her eyes with frustration, "I think all those ideas are already taken. In fact I think they all aired on Cartoon Network at various points over the last 30 years." "Yes, Emily, but what IF they didn't! That's what I'm daring to ask right now!" Emily Blunt makes a mental note to call someone to check for a gas leak in the "imaginarium", which is just what John's started calling the basement.
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Feb 16, 2024 18:45
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Jim toils away in his (Charles Miner's) prankatorium and discovers that Dwight’s humiliation turns him (Charles Miner) on sexually (Charles Minerly).
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Feb 16, 2024 23:27
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In a talking head interview, Jim looks deeply at the camera at you (the viewer) and says this unprompted: "My favorite pranks are those that cross into the so-called 'real-world' and brings my essence just a little bit more out of here and into your day-to-day lives". Jim mugs the camera, menacingly.
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Feb 16, 2024 23:37
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Charles Miner makes tender, yet passionate, *CLOWN GAS* to Pam’s *WHOOPIE CUSION NOISES*
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Feb 17, 2024 00:15
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naem posted:Charles Miner makes tender, yet passionate, Jim takes a huge rip of clown gas and starts plowin dat clown rear end 
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Feb 17, 2024 02:09
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At the office charity talent show, Magician Jim shows up on stage with a box and looking for a volunteer to saw in half. Dwight, in a panic, gets up to run out of the auditorium, but the event's security guards grab him at Jim's request. "We have our volunteer! Bring him up to the stage!" Dwight helplessly accepts his fate, knowing that he can't resist against these two security guards who are only doing their jobs without hurting them. Resigned to being Jim's assistant, he is marched to the stage. "Tell, me, sir," Jim twirls a fake mustache. "Are you really that eager to be cut in half?!" "No..." Dwight weeps out. "Well, then, I won't make you do anything you don't want to do. Tell me, what do you want to do, sir, if not be cut in half?" "I'd like to just leave." Dwight apologetically says to the crowd who have come to the show to raise money for a worthy cause. "I'm sorry, I'd rather not be here." "Very well! Abracadapranka!" Jim spins his wand and a puff of smoke envelopes Dwight. When it clears, Dwight is gone. The audience claps wildly. After the show is over, Angela sits alone in the theater, waiting for Dwight. When he doesn't show, she rushes up to Jim who is packing his props into the trunk of his car and wants to know what he did with Dwight. "Dwight? Oh, that guy." Jim closes the trunk lid and goes to get in his car. "I gave him what he asked for." "Where is he!? Where did you send him!?" "Send him?" Jim is confused by the suggestion. "My dear, I didn't send him ANYWHERE. He simply said he'd rather not be HERE. If he'd been more specific, I could have magicked him somewhere else, like the bottom of a lake or inside an elephant's butt, but I assumed he meant he didn't want to continue to exist, anymore. I'm assuming that's what he meant. I'm sorry you had to learn about how unhappy he was with simply existing like this. This must be painful for you. Anyway, I've heard about 'sleight of hand', but until now have you heard of 'DWIGHT of hand'?" Jim mugs at Angela in his from his sideview mirror as he drives off.
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Feb 17, 2024 03:22
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Jim eat's a bug
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Feb 17, 2024 03:40
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Jim bugs everyone while they are on their lunch break, asking what they are having and commenting on how he feels about eating that particular thing. Dwight feels bad and offers Jim some of his raw beets. Jim's eyes widen and he licks his lips and takes a beet rolling it around in his hand and smelling it. Jim throws the beet with great force at the candy machine which punches a hole in the window. Jim reaches through the hole to take a few Rolos and Whatchamacallits and rips them open and loudly munches on them with a loud "mmmmm." Jim smirks with chocolate smeared around his mouth.
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Feb 17, 2024 03:55
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After Stanley has another heart attack (thanks to Jim hiding a Jack in the box in a filing cabinet) the entire office is asked to pass a basic physical fitness test. “Oh man, Dwight,” Jim says with a smile, “you’re gonna have to put down the fried butter for a while and waddle your fat rear end around.” Dwight simply rolls his eyes as Jim literally starts eating a bowl of fried butter, then waddles to the bathroom despite weighing approximately 93 lbs. The day of the fitness exam comes and it’s relatively simple; each employee must perform 5 jumping jacks, hold a five pound weight up for 15 seconds, and walk up a flight of stairs. Everyone pulls this off easily except for Jim, who keeps hemming and hawing before doing a jumping jack. “More like a jumping Jim, right?” “Just shut the gently caress up and do the jumping Jack so we can get back to work,” replies an exhausted Michael. Jim attempts a single jumping jack but can’t, he seems so uncoordinated and awkward that Michael assumes it’s a prank. It’s not, however, and Jim quickly grows irritated as he can’t perform the task. “Okay, Michael, I can’t do it. Big deal. What are they gonna do, fire me?” “Legally, we can’t do that,” Toby replies dryly, “but Dunder Mifflin will no longer pay out any kind of life insurance claim.” “DO THE loving JUMPING JACKS!” Pam screams from her desk. “DO IT RIGHT NOW!” Dwight becomes convinced there’s no prank at all happening any time soon, as Jim’s struggles to live a normal life have superseded his ability to prank. Dwight asks if he can go home early, and Michael agrees. Dwight decides to walk home, telling Angela that he needs a little quiet time by himself. As Dwight walks past a park he sees two mourning doves circle each other in a delicate dance, then flit off into the sky. Dwight buys an ice cream cone from a man selling them out of a cart, sits down, and enjoys the ice cream on a bench while he watches nature all around him. Life is good. Jim is on his third jumping jack, Pam throwing sharpened pencils at him, squealing and holding back tears.
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Feb 17, 2024 04:16
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Jim trains mourning doves to attack Dwight and peck Dwight's eyes, then releases the doves into the wild.
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Feb 17, 2024 04:22
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Dwight is cruising down I81 when suddenly and without warning, his windshield shatters and white feathers fill his Challenger. Dwight instinctively mashes the clutch, pops it into neutral, and slams the e-brake causing all 480 horsepower to come to a screeching halt while Dwight calmly grips the wheel. After looking around and assessing the situation, he quickly determines no one behind him is in danger, and now he can focus on what just smashed through his windshield. His eyes scan the cabin - blood, ... and feathers? Could this be... ...an albatross lay mangled in his backseat. Quite peculiar that an albatross would be so far from sea, and flying so low to the ground. Dwight knows that the typical migration pattern takes the bird down south, but this far inland? Dwight inspects the bird. Crumpled wings, a smashed beak. This bird died from blunt force trauma. But there's something else... the blood appears coagulated. Dwight's veins turn to ice as he realizes this bird died hours ago, and this bird strike was no accident.
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Feb 17, 2024 05:22
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Moonface R 1983 2h 50m Crime / Drama IMDB: 8.3 / 10 Summary: An impoverished refugee from Argentina with a murky past, Dwight Schrute, tackles the mean streets of Scranton, PA. After disposing of the high-flying but shiftless former boss, Schrute begins to corner the beet scene and floods the city with beets of the purest quality. He can only be stopped by one man, the Scranton's finest police detective Jim Halpert. Jim spends his nights on the S.S. Pranktor, a houseboat that he shares with his pet monkey. He is perpetually unshaven with sloppy, loosened ties around his Armani suits. However, this is just a front for his true work as an undercover vice agent. Jim and Dwight spiral each other in a duel of escalating stakes while their escalating fixations threaten to destroy them. Famous Quotes: Commissioner Miner: I don't know why you don't can his rear end. That Halpert has no place on the force! Chief Michael: Don't tell me how to run my precinct! You and those fat-cats up in headquarters have no idea what my guys have to put up with on the streets! I've been on the force for twenty years and I've never seen an officer as good as Halpert! Commissioner Miner: He's a loose cannon! Chief Michael: But by God, he gets results! He's the only one who can take down Schrute! Commissioner Miner: Fine. But it's your rear end if another civilian gets pranked! Trivia: Written, directed by, and staring John Krasinski Director's Trademark: A character looks directly at the camera and smirks (in this case, during the scene where Schrute is laundering money, one of the federal agents looks into the camera hidden in the clock). A character looks directly at the camera and delivers a long diatribe about how labor movements are essentially self-defeating and that the United States intelligence and security services keep the world safe from the scourge of communism.
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Feb 17, 2024 06:03
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Jim constantly invites himself over to Dwight's house at dinnertime and abuses Dwight's generosity as a host for a free meal. Dwight gradually becomes fed up with Jim's feeding and refuses to serve the guest any longer. Jim, furious over this, grabs a carving knife from the table and stabs Dwight in the stomach and drives off. Angela calls an ambulance to rush Dwight to the ER. As the ambulance races to save Dwight's life, a call comes in on their radio. "I heard about Dwight being inhospitable, but being 'in hospital'?" The next few minutes remain tense in the back of the ambulance as Dwight fights for his life. Turning the corner into Scranton Memorial, the driver shouts in horror as he sees the whole building in flames as people come rushing out on fire. A man comes running up to the ambulance and breathlessly opens up the back doors. "Talk about... Talk about..." Jim tries to catch his breath. "Talk about being in-hospital-able!" The driver of the ambulance swears the smoke from the burning hospital looks like the face of a man, mugging.
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Feb 17, 2024 09:49
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Jim, screeching wildly, repeatedly shoots Dwight with a handgun. Pow! Pow!
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Feb 17, 2024 10:23
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Jim dies, but he insists on his deathbed that his ceaseless pranking of Dwight robbed him (Jim) of all his health and energy and has lead him (Jim) to an early grave. At the reading of his will, all his friends and coworkers are bequeathed his worldly possessions while he leaves Pam nothing but a thick envelope with some papers in it. The papers, however, are a collection of rock-solid legal filings that detail, step-by-step, how she can sue Dwight for contributing to Jim's early demise. With no other resources left, she exercises this option and drags Dwight through the legal system for years, draining Dwight financially and emotionally. Unlike Jim, Pam takes no pleasure in this abuse of Dwight. She emotionlessly stares into the camera as another guilty verdict is read against Dwight in the courtroom, wondering how long this can go on before anyone realizes that Jim's demise was actually due to her microdosing him with poisons for the last several years.
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Feb 17, 2024 10:43
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i'm glad he (jim) is finally loving dead
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Feb 17, 2024 12:37
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"Pranks, praaaaanks!" Zombie-Jim shouts as he shuffles his way to Dwight's desk with a jello-encased stapler in hand.
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Feb 17, 2024 12:51
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For a few months following the death of Jim Halpert, “The Pranker of Pennsylvania“, it almost feels as if the world held its breath. Of course he was really dead. It wasn’t another of his so-called jokes. His wife Pam, was already serving time both as his accomplice and his murderer. For once, Scranton’s (surprisingly numerous) orphans and underprivileged children flourished as Dwight’s orphanages stopped regularly burning down. With the local beet fields no longer continually defiled, the price of food dropped. The county dog catcher expenses, which had ballooned to 70% of GDP, were funneled into urban renewal projects, education, and scientific research. Slowly, people began to relax again. The sun shined brighter on the many new greenbelt parks. The pizza places flooded back in, causing Scranton to gain buzz for the best pizza in Pennsylvania, possibly the whole world. And one scrappy little paper company overcame the odds to land on the Fortune 500. Everyone seems happy. Except for a former intern-turned-VP, fired for malfeasance, and still nursing a grudge against one Dwight K. Schrute…
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Feb 17, 2024 14:14
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Scranton has so many orphans because of Jim's policy of periodically "carpet pranking" the city on the off chance Dwight might be somewhere in the target area.
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Feb 17, 2024 22:47
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Dwight and Michael release a track on the anniversary of Jim’s death titled “Prank wit Jim Day (And Everybody's Celebratin')” that goes quadruple platinum.
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Feb 18, 2024 02:08
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Pam discovers she's pregnant while in prison. Her fears that she is carrying Jim's baby are completely blown out of the water when the doctors reveal it's not Jim's baby, but DNA test reveal it to be a 100% match to Jim, himself. "It's not even a fetus. It's like you're pregnant with some 'tiny version' of Jim. I can't explain it. Anyway, we expect at the rate of growth that you're going to give birth to a fully-formed, fully-grown Jim in the next 2 weeks. I guess the good news is that once he's reborn into the world, you're a free woman. So, congratulations, in either case."
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Feb 18, 2024 02:16
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Unfortunately for Pam, she is imprisoned in Indiana Women’s Prison, and the medical wing refuses to help her terminate her jimancy
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Feb 18, 2024 02:19
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| # ? May 31, 2024 19:54 |
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Jim mugs for the ultrasound
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Feb 18, 2024 02:30
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