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Snowglobe of Doom
Mar 30, 2012

sucks to be right

Flint_Paper posted:

If I wanted to see heart-stopping tackle I'd drop my trousers and look in the mirror :biglips:

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Scratch Monkey
Oct 25, 2010

👰Proč bychom se netěšili🥰když nám Pán Bůh🙌🏻zdraví dá💪?


100% true

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2011/nov/14/pet-hippo-humphrey-kills-owner

LifeSunDeath
Jan 4, 2007

still gay rights and smoke weed every day

if only thousands more zoologists had warned people about keeping hippos.

zoux
Apr 28, 2006

He didn't eat him, he simply chewed him.

This month's Texas Monthly has an article about an exotic pet collector who nearly got exsanguinated by his warthog

Nenonen
Oct 22, 2009

Mulla on aina kolkyt donaa taskussa

quote:

South African media reported earlier this year that a 52-year-old man and his seven-year-old grandson spent two hours in a tree after being chased by Humphrey while canoeing on the river that passes through the farm. Els finally tempted the hippo away with an apple while the pair were rescued by paramedics.

Humphrey was also blamed for killing calves belonging to Els's business partner. The animal also frequently broke out of its enclosure and chased golfers at a local golf club.

I unno what to think of this. On one hand, stalking on innocent paddlers is awful. The calves were probably destined to be eaten anyway, so that's kind of neutral to me.

But sign me up for a reality show where golfers get chased by hungry hungry hippos, that sounds like wholesome entertainment for all age groups!

gbut
Mar 28, 2008

😤I put the UN🇺🇳 in 🎊FUN🎉


If golf clubs were required to have a golfer-chasing wild animal on premises, I could get behind that.... uhhh.... "sport."

KoRMaK
Jul 31, 2012



Soul Dentist posted:

Ok but why would a mod post a heart-stopping tackle here in the schadenfreude thread
this thread has gotten soft, the mods have identified it as a growth opportunity

Happy Landfill
Feb 26, 2011

I don't understand but I've also heard much worse

Air Skwirl posted:

Catenfreude:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wU9dY_4Adso

Feel a bit bad for the guy, but they could have just jumped on any of the dozens of things around them that a tortoise can't climb.

Contrary to popular belief, turtles are fast little fuckers

deoju
Jul 11, 2004

All the pieces matter.
Nap Ghost

Zero One posted:

Goons shouldn't attend hockey games, apparently.
:hmmyes:
There was a goon who got hosed up by an escalator at a game in St. Louis. I don't remember their name though.

https://www.espn.com/nhl/news/story?id=4546692

mrfart
May 26, 2004

Dear diary, today I
became a captain.
https://i.imgur.com/tSlyinE.mp4

confused by love.

fishing with the fam
Feb 29, 2008

Durr
lol, why did her brain grind to halt only on the return trip?

Nobody Interesting
Mar 29, 2013

One way, dead end... Street signs are such fitting metaphors for the human condition.


She became a cat

Pigsfeet on Rye
Oct 22, 2008

I'm meat on the hoof

A lot of people violate the First Rule of Pet Ownership: Never own a pet that you can’t defeat in unarmed combat just in case of food chain disputes.

Karate Bastard
Jul 31, 2007

Soiled Meat

fishing with the fam posted:

lol, why did her brain grind to halt only on the return trip?

Cupid got her through the mailbox

bad_fmr
Nov 28, 2007

Which animals can you defeat in a fight?

szary
Mar 12, 2014

bad_fmr posted:

Which animals can you defeat in a fight?

Do I have time to train?

Nobody Interesting
Mar 29, 2013

One way, dead end... Street signs are such fitting metaphors for the human condition.


My cat could beat up your cat

ilmucche
Mar 16, 2016

What did you say the strategy was?

Pigsfeet on Rye posted:

A lot of people violate the First Rule of Pet Ownership: Never own a pet that you can’t defeat in unarmed combat just in case of food chain disputes.

I hear d&d and cspam have loads of guides on how to defeat dogs

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

bad_fmr posted:

Which animals can you defeat in a fight?

1. A snail (soft)
2. Most insects (small)
3. A shrimp (no fists)
4. A velociraptor (it's dead)
5. Some birds (hollow bones)

Duckwaffle
Nov 8, 2010



ilmucche posted:

I hear d&d and cspam have loads of guides on how to defeat dogs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YET1zPShbmE

Push El Burrito
May 9, 2006

Soiled Meat

Do you understand love, mrfart?

Inceltown
Aug 6, 2019

FreudianSlippers posted:

3. A shrimp (no fists)

You are a fool

https://youtube.com/watch?v=ti2Uoc1RXuQ

Pigsfeet on Rye
Oct 22, 2008

I'm meat on the hoof

bad_fmr posted:

Which animals can you defeat in a fight?

I had to throw a half-nelson on my dog once, he couldn't do poo poo

Scratch Monkey
Oct 25, 2010

👰Proč bychom se netěšili🥰když nám Pán Bůh🙌🏻zdraví dá💪?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ShPApHoX7o

Hyperlynx
Sep 13, 2015

Kennel posted:

The Soul lives in the heart.

Anubis? Is that you?

10 Beers
May 21, 2005

Shit! I didn't bring a knife.


You wouldn't understand.

TEMPLE GRANDIN OS
Dec 10, 2003

...blyat

zoux posted:

He didn't eat him, he simply chewed him.

Esteban!

Robobot
Aug 21, 2018

bad_fmr posted:

Which animals can you defeat in a fight?

Can we use simple tools like sticks and slings or are we going straight up tooth and claw here?

Pigsfeet on Rye
Oct 22, 2008

I'm meat on the hoof

Robobot posted:

Can we use simple tools like sticks and slings or are we going straight up tooth and claw here?

Mano a la Pata, my friend

everydayfalls
Aug 23, 2016
https://i.imgur.com/fA1XFkR.mp4

Sorry it’s not a mossy terrarium, enjoyed it anyway.

Grem
Mar 29, 2004
Probation
Can't post for 50 minutes!
I can beat most animals in a fight as long as they are asleep when the fight starts.

bobjr
Oct 16, 2012

Roose is loose.
🐓🐓🐓✊🪧

Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

You mess with the crabbo...



I could beat almost any given crab, having stacked my evolutionary stats in size rather than superior body design

Haptical Sales Slut
Mar 15, 2010

Age 18 to 49

This show is so good.

Soul Dentist
Mar 17, 2009
Hell yeah let's add to the list

Soul Dentist posted:

Near the beginning of the last thread I did a bit where I pretended to have a white board where I wrote down everything that goons threatened to fight. The one before it was mad af about seagulls for a while, for example. The list I've written down so far is justv

- Capybaras
- Clams

I hope to continue this into the future. I'll be watching.

Regular Wario
Mar 27, 2010

Slippery Tilde
why would you start a fight with a capybara, the chillest of animals?

KoRMaK
Jul 31, 2012



Grem posted:

I can beat most animals in a fight as long as they are asleep when the fight starts.
this is posted with the same confidence as a house cat

Stupid_Sexy_Flander
Mar 14, 2007

Is a man not entitled to the haw of his maw?
Grimey Drawer
It's almost evolutionary that people think they can win a fight against any animal.

That's the only reason I can think of for such misplaced confidence and stupidity. Maybe without those we'd never have left the caves because we were scared of various critters out there :shrug:

Tagra
Apr 7, 2006

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.


Samovar posted:

Now is a good a time as any to post this.

"What's the physio gonna do?"

:lol:

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muscles like this!
Jan 17, 2005



6% of Americans think they could beat Jack Reacher in a fight.

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