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Jim replaces Dwight’s drained balls with full beets and then uses a pitching machine to lob shaken up cans of Surge directly into Dwight’s beets.
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Mar 4, 2024 19:34
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| # ? May 31, 2024 13:30 |
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Jim reveals that all of his pranks up until this moment have been because of "the little slug in his brain" and tells Dwight that he's finally free of its influence. "I'm ready to start living my life now, Dwight," Jim says, with tears in his eyes. As Dwight embraces him, Jim kicks him as hard as possible in the balls. "TALK ABOUT LIVING!" Jim laughs as he mugs for the camera.
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Mar 4, 2024 19:35
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Jim stays up all night visualizing pranks on the ceiling like in Queen's Gambit. The next morning Jim has both pissed and poo poo the bed. Dwight is furious. (It was Dwight's bed)
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Mar 4, 2024 21:50
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Knowing Dwight is planning a trip to a mystical nation of Khuraín, Jim moves there and becomes their chief prosecutor. When Dwight is on vacation and steps in to defend his guide who has been falsely accused of a treason and murder, Jim invokes the Defense Culpability Act, making Dwight receive the same punishment as the accused if his defense fails.
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Mar 4, 2024 22:12
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Paper. Coffee. Staplers. Dress shirts. The four office supplies lived in harmony. Everything changed once Jim began to prank.
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Mar 4, 2024 22:43
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Jim and his "Pollution Squad" (Rip Radical, Morton Sludge, Lady Smog, and Leon Lead) disrupt the delicate balance of nature with a diabolical "litter machine." The litter machine is a huge truck with nozzles that blast candy wrappers, crumpled newspapers, styrofoam cups, used condoms, and other refuse all over the place. Dwight is doing volunteer litter pick up on the stretch of Route 81 Dwight has adopted when Jim roars by in his litter machine, showering Dwight with garbage. "Enjoy picking up fifty thousand deflated mylar birthday balloons, balloon boy!" Jim cackles as he beans Dwight with a half-empty can of Surge cola. The rest of the Pollution Squad yuk it up as they speed off, spreading trash all over the mile of highway Dwight just finished cleaning up. A baby turtle gets stuck in a plastic six-pack holder and dies at Dwight's feet.
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Mar 5, 2024 01:43
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While helping to load pallets of paper up onto the truck, Dwight asks Jim if he “could lend me a hand.” Jim immediately leaps off of the break couch where he was reading a perverted Japanese comic book and agrees. He runs over to his desk, pulls out a meat cleaver that he’s been storing for some reason, and runs back to Dwight. There, he wordlessly raises his cleaver in his right hand, lays his left across the bed of the truck, and brings the cleaver down in one swift motion. Letting out only a clipped yelp Jim severs his left hand and then picks it up with his right, handing it to Dwight. Jim promptly passes out. Several months later, Dwight receives a bill from PA Pranksters for the insurance value of one human hand, plus a usurious interest rate (due to Dwight specifically asking for the hand to be “lent” as opposed to “given”, which is clearly explained in the bill) totally several thousand dollars. Dwight reads the correspondence twice, then looks up at Jim, who’s been standing there mugging the entire time. “You know, Jim, this prank is really cutting off your nose to spite your face.” Jim thinks about this for a few moments before reaching into his desk drawer with his remaining good hand, pulling out a scalpel, and going to work removing his nose.
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Mar 5, 2024 03:51
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Jim manages to get some electric chargers installed in the office park, with the prime spots also reserved for alternative fuel vehicles. Jim pulls up in his Subaru Outback with two large balloons strapped to the roof that is secured not by rope or string but by a hose down to the clowngas tank underneath the rear trunk. Jim gets out and plugs in the electric charger which only runs the blinking RGB rope lights and some glittery fans strapped to the roof rails. Dwight pulls up in his Firebird, the fuel gauge nearly touching the red zone and doesn't see any spaces open. In a rage he slams on the accelarator and spins until he is parked in one of the alternative fuel vehicle spaces. The charger blares loudly telling him to plug it in or suffer a parking ticket. Dwight lifts up the charger and as soon as he does it begins spraying a mixture of Lemon Jello and gasoline on him and his car. Dwight gasping for air runs out of the parking lot onto the street, considering his next move. Jim, watching from the window smirks and pulls the fire alarm.
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Mar 5, 2024 04:26
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Jim starts edging his pranks on Dwight. Dwight opens his drawer to find his stapler next to a Jello packet and a mold filled with water. The lack of prank release begins to give Dwight blue balls.
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Mar 5, 2024 09:03
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While Dwight is in the shower at the local gym, the local Jim (Jim) sneaks in and shoots Dwight directly in the nutsack with a paintball gun. Although the blue paint washes off fairly easily in the shower, there is serious bruising on and around Dwight's scrotum which lingers for weeks. "Geez, Dwight, I've heard of having blue balls, but BLACK AND BLUE balls???" Jim guffaws as Dwight lowers himself gingerly into the special support swing Dwight must use in lieu of a chair for the next six weeks.
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Mar 5, 2024 12:52
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Jim replaces all the smoke detector batteries in Dwight's house with one which are pretty low
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Mar 5, 2024 13:06
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Jim replaces all the smoke detector batteries in Dwight's house with anti smoke detectors which only cease to beep if there is smoke.
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Mar 5, 2024 13:11
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Jim ties some rope around his balls and the other end to a door handle and yells for Dwight. When Dwight opens the door Jim's balls are ripped off and he bleeds out. Dwight is left to answer to the police as to what happened and is very embarrassed
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Mar 5, 2024 13:17
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poisonpill posted:While helping to load pallets of paper up onto the truck, Dwight asks Jim if he “could lend me a hand.” Jim immediately leaps off of the break couch where he was reading a perverted Japanese comic book and agrees. He runs over to his desk, pulls out a meat cleaver that he’s been storing for some reason, and runs back to Dwight. There, he wordlessly raises his cleaver in his right hand, lays his left across the bed of the truck, and brings the cleaver down in one swift motion. Letting out only a clipped yelp Jim severs his left hand and then picks it up with his right, handing it to Dwight. Jim promptly passes out. Dwight, sensing an opportunity, ponders aloud - "Why would Jim shoot himself in his own foot like that? Jeeze working with this buffoon is like pulling teeth, but I have to admit he goes balls out with his pranks."
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Mar 5, 2024 13:45
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Dwight is giving a boring presentation about quarterly earnings. Everyone is bored out of their minds. Stanley's eyes droop and his chin sags to his chest. Michael stares, slack-jawed and zombie like as Dwight drones on. Suddenly the door to the conference room bursts open! Everyone gasps and turns to look. Stanley jolts awake. Jim is standing in the doorway, wreathed in glowing mist. He's dressed in cool rollerblading gear and carrying a six pack of refreshing Surge cola in each hand! A look of child-like glee spreads across Creed's wrinkled features. "Woah! Surge Cola!" he exclaims. "Jim! This is highly irregular!" Dwight protests. "Can it, Poindexter!" Jim chucks a can of Surge directly at Dwight's face. The can catches Dwight in the nose and knocks him down. Jim starts tossing cans of Surge to everyone. Tabs start popping and the hiss of carbonation fills the air. "Michael!" Dwight wails, his face badly bruised by the can Jim threw at him. "Michael!" Michael Scott, open can of Surge in hand, has removed his tie and unbuttoned his shirt to the middle of his chest. He puts a firm hand on Dwight's shoulder. "Dwight, I think you need to chill out," says Michael. Dwight is seized under the arms by Stanley and Kevin, who drag a struggling and shouting Dwight over to a huge cooler filled with ice and toss him inside, throwing shut the lid on top of him. A wild party ensues. Kevin and Stanley are seated on the cooler to prevent Dwight's escape. They clink celebratory cans of Surge as Dwight's muffled pounding and yelling can be heard from within the cooler. Cut to Jim taking a huge slurp of refreshing Surge Cola. He holds up the can label out and mugs for the camera.
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Mar 5, 2024 16:03
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Jim produces Surge Cola with the thousands of gallons he’s hoarded of Dwight’s stolen piss.
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Mar 5, 2024 16:23
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Dunder Mifflin is struggling financially and Corporate asks every employee to submit their own cost-savings Ideas. Dwight suggests working with local prisons to help recently released individuals find employment. Kevin asks if they should just turn the place into a "deli or something". Jim, however, has his idea picked by corporate and is driven out to New York City to present it before the Board of Directors. He stays mum on the details, only telling people in the office that they'll "really enjoy it". As Jim stands in front of the board he smiles the biggest smile he's ever smiled. "Let's face it, folks. The biggest way to save money is to cut compensation. There's a salesman out in Scranton who makes 6 figures on commissions alone. And, every year, he gets a big fat bonus because of how many sales he makes. If we cut his salary in half and remove that bonus, that's more money we can reinvest into the company. The shareholders are gonna love it! And we do that for EVERYONE out there, across the board. Bing bang bong, easy as cake!" The board considers this for a moment, then confers privately. Jim already knows the answer and can feel the dawning of a great new prank ahead of him. He's invited back into the room a few minutes later, then told that they want to go forward with his idea. "There's just one thing, Mr. Halpert. The PR. People are going to hate this! We need someone to take the fall." "Oh, I'll do it. Just let me break the news to the Scranton branch first, okay? They, heh, they deserve to hear it from me." Jim mugs for the camera.
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Mar 5, 2024 18:11
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Jim puts a live Japanese murder hornet in his mouth then forcibly French-kisses Dwight.
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Mar 5, 2024 18:15
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Jim brings Boston butt pork roast sandwiches to the office. Dwight clocks out and just leaves. He wants no part of whatever is going to happen
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Mar 5, 2024 18:18
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John Krasinski's new masterpiece, Boston Butt, is about a man whose buttocks houses the entirety of Boston. During an interview on Jimmy Fallon, John is unable to fully articulate the premise of the film or how a single buttocks can encompass all of Boston. He begins visibly sweating and grows irritated, at one point referring to Jimmy Fallon as "Balloon Boy" before walking off stage while muttering "I'm fixing it, I'm trying to fix it". The movie is not screened for critics and the bizarre nature of the film drives everyone who sees it completely insane. It makes $63 million domestically in its first week and places #1 at the box office, although its seen as slightly underperforming given the massive marketing campaign for the film.
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Mar 5, 2024 18:24
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John forces Rainn to watch his latest movie, Boston Butt, on repeat strapped to a chair like in A Clockwork Orange. Just as the intro is over and a huge butt encases the entirety of Boston, Rainn can feel his sanity slip away and begins to giggle hysterically. "Like a stapler in jello", Rainn mumbles in between pained laughs. Erasable Penis fucked around with this message at 19:05 on Mar 5, 2024 |
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Mar 5, 2024 19:00
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The twisted mind of John Krasinski strikes again.
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Mar 5, 2024 19:08
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Mar 5, 2024 19:35
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Jim gives Dwight's beets a bad review on Yelp.
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Mar 5, 2024 21:47
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Jim beats Dwight for giving Famous Original Jim’s a bad review on Yelp
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Mar 5, 2024 21:53
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Jim dons a blue Luchador mask and insists that everyone at the office call him "El Jimador" "More like El JimaDORK!" mutters Dwight, prompting chuckles from the rest of the office. Jim roars and launches into his signature move: farting at Dwight with enough force to blast Dwight out of the window.
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Mar 5, 2024 21:55
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Dwight yells as Jimador gives him a bad beating. Jimador turns to face the camera. His luchador mask looks like it’s mugging the camera.
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Mar 5, 2024 22:04
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Taffy Jr. posted:Jim dons a blue Luchador mask and insists that everyone at the office call him "El Jimador" “El Jimador fart your balls El Jimador fart your face El Jimador fart your rear end into outer spaaaaaaace”
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Mar 6, 2024 02:34
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Dwight opens his drawer, looking for his stapler. The scene cuts suddenly to a shot of a hand in a mustard-yellow sleeve reaching into a desk drawer full of ice, chilling a single bottle of Cerveza Cristal. The hand pulls out the beer and holds it up to the camera while a jingle plays. "CERVEZA CRISTAL!" sings the jingle. Cut back to Dwight looking confused as he grips an ice cold bottle of Cerveza Cristal instead of his stapler. Jim mugs for the camera and takes a drink of Cerveza Cristal.
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Mar 6, 2024 04:14
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Dwight opens his drawer, looking for his stapler. The scene cuts suddenly to a shot of a hand in a mustard-yellow sleeve reaching into a desk drawer full of ice, chilling a single can of Surge cola. The hand pulls out the soda and holds it up to the camera while a jingle plays. "Snap into a Surge Jim!" sings the jingle. Cut back to Dwight looking confused as he grips an ice cold can of Surge instead of his stapler. Jim mugs for the camera and takes a drink of Surge mixed with Jimador Tequila.
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Mar 6, 2024 04:20
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Dwight opens his drawer, looking for his stapler. The scene cuts suddenly to a shot of a hand in a mustard-yellow sleeve reaching into a desk drawer full of ice, chilling a single bottle of beer, and also a gun. The hand pulls out the beer and holds it up to the camera while a second, emaciated hand selects the gun, and a jingle plays. "CERVEZA PISTOL!" sings the jingle. Cut back to Dwight looking confused as he grips an ice cold bottle of beer instead of his stapler. Behind Dwight, Jim stands (nude except for a pair of ballistic glasses) with a loaded pistol aimed at the base of his, Dwight's, neck. Jim mugs for the camera and pulls the trigger.
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Mar 6, 2024 11:38
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Dwight opens his drawer, looking for his stapler. The scene cuts suddenly to a shot of a hand in a mustard-yellow sleeve reaching into a desk drawer full of ice, chilling a single bottle of Cerveza Cristal. The hand pulls out the beer and holds it up to the camera while a jingle plays. "CERVEZA CRISTAL!" sings the jingle. Cut back to Dwight looking confused as he grips an ice cold bottle of Cerveza Cristal instead of his stapler. Jim films the whole scene and forwards it to corporate HR. Michael is forced to fire Dwight for alcohol consumption at work.
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Mar 6, 2024 11:43
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Terror strikes Scranton as a man's waterlogged corpse washes up on the shores of Lake Scranton, his neck having been savagely strangled. "Impossible," Toby says as he reads the report in the paper, "they executed him." Toby absent-mindedly rubs his own neck, thinking of his own encounter with the Scranton Strangler years ago. As he does so, powerful hands grasp his shoulders and begin to squeeze. Toby freaks out, turns around, and sees Jim standing there, mugging at him. "Jeez, Tobes, what's the matter? Can't a guy give his HR rep a little shoulder massage?" Jim walks back to his desk, rhythmically flexing his hands as he does.
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Mar 6, 2024 14:27
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Creed who's the actual Strangler, mugs for the drywall
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Mar 6, 2024 14:29
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Jim transports himself and Dwight to the Bizarro World where it should be Dwight who pranks Jim relentlessly. However, even Bizarro Dwight simply wants to live his life and shows no desire to prank Jim. Jim is disappointed and unsatisfied, sexually.
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Mar 6, 2024 14:40
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Bizarro Dwight shows Dwight his Teeb farm, where his cat-like cousin Esom tends the grounds. Dwight asks Bizarro Dwight if he likes Battlestar Galactica, too. "Me am HATE Battlestar so much, it am me least favorite show of all!" Meanwhile, Jim hunts down Bizarro Jim, discovering that he's an incredibly successful and well-adjusted adult who runs a marketing firm focused on getting athletes sponsorship deals. Jim introduces himself to Bizarro Jim and asks if he likes pranks. "Me am love pranks! Pranks am best use of your time and VERY FUNNY for everyone! You am great genius if you prank someone." Jim, who failed Spanish in high school, is unable to parse the intricacies of the Bizarro language and believes this to be a ringing endorsement of pranks from Bizarro Jim. When Jim puts a Bizarro Stapler (it's basically just a staple remover) into some Bizarro Jell-o (there's never room for it) he's sentenced to death by firing squad. "You no am do it now, Jim! Me am enjoying this prank very much, now you am living forever and not being shot!" Bizarro Jim screams. Jim mugs for the camera, utterly unaware of his upcoming death.
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Mar 6, 2024 14:49
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Jim tries to get Dwight interested in golf so that Jim can mine a previously untapped vein of potential golf-related pranks, but Dwight is steadfastly uninterested in the game. Jim, who already bought a set of expensive clubs and balls, consoles himself by driving golf balls through the windows of Dwight's house at 2am. "I've heard of a hole in one... But a hole in Dwight's bedroom window??" quips Jim to the camera crew who had to get up at 1am to film Jim's hijinks. Jim hits another ball. There's a sound of crashing glass as it shatters one of the panes of Dwight's greenhouse.
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Mar 6, 2024 14:58
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seeing the actual office lore is absolutely insane after this thread https://theoffice.fandom.com/wiki/Scranton_Strangler quote:Fan theories
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Mar 6, 2024 14:58
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In the eerie silence of his bathroom, Toby Flenderson tries to find solace in a warm bath, desperately fighting the urge to fall asleep. As he begins to doze off, the tranquility is shattered when the sinister, bladed glove of Freddy Krueger eerily emerges from the water between his legs. Startled, Toby awakens momentarily, only to slide deeper into the tub, where he is sucked into a bottomless abyss. Jim holding the bladed glove and a black hat mugs for Toby's bathroom mirror.
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Mar 6, 2024 15:01
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| # ? May 31, 2024 13:30 |
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The show got much weirder and much dumber than anything in this thread. A Real episode of the show posted:Dwight reveals a case of bull tranquilizers, and goes to Stanley, shooting him in the torso with three tranquilizers. Dwight enlists Clark, who happened to be in the break room when Dwight sedated Stanley, to help him get Stanley to the client meeting. They wrap him up in bubble wrap "Evel Knievel style" and push him down stairs covered in cardboard to act as a slide.
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Mar 6, 2024 15:11
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