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History Comes Inside! posted:Depends on the specifics of the role, really. I mean, it's not legally required in the sense of performing surgery or dismantling bombs, if I was to guess it was police checks as a form of risk assessment (if this person has committed many crimes, perhaps they will also commit workplace crimes - if they haven't the inverse is true). I always err on the side of caution, what if they withdrew the offer because I didn't do it? It sounds like the risk of that was low, but maybe those people who delayed finalising these forms got 'in trouble' (received an automated reminder email) and I just didn't hear about that part.
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Mar 7, 2024 12:37
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History Comes Inside! posted:Depends on the specifics of the role, really. Back when I joined a company that required you to get at least a Secret security clearance you needed preliminary approval by your start date (generally just that you passed your criminal background check and submitted your other paperwork). I started with a "green badge" and after a few weeks when my clearance was approved I went and got my "red" badge. Then the clearance database got hacked (my wife's information got accessed and got a one year free monitoring/insurance arrangement because of it) and things went weird. Suddenly "Clear" badges were the standard for the new hires because the background check and security clearance queues were so backed up it could be six months before someone could even start. People were there a year before they got their "red" badges, but had been working on classified and NOFORN stuff the entire time despite prohibitions on that in the past. The funniest part of all this was that about a year before I left the company decided to move to a two factor authentication system where you would need to insert your badge into a slot on your keyboard to log in. This required all new badges and guys who had been rocking the same picture since the 80's suddenly needed new pictures and badges. Suddenly the union rep in the department and the guy whose only job appeared to be collecting lunch orders had "clear" badges. It turned out that their security clearances had been revoked years and years ago; by company rules they shouldn't have been able to even log into our systems or do much more than play around on the internet. I never figured out what either of them actually did for the company.
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Mar 7, 2024 15:09
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Chewbecca posted:Question for goons, over which I'm torn. Oh this is very much dumb poo poo my work does One of our teams works almost exclusively with secure data. You must have security clearance (UK) to do this. There is some data from our US customers which is apparently a lawless land where they don't give a poo poo who's accessing it, but 90% of the job as it stands is UK which means must have SC clearance. We keep bringing on contractors who don't have this. The company will pay for the clearance, but they can only start it after you join. It can take months to get the clearance. The company also just... didn't pay the bill for the last round they did, which means we're not allowed to submit anyone new until they do. So we have a QA just sat around doing the tiny amount of US work he can because of this. In other news I just interviewed someone who went way too far with the "stretch the truth on your CV" thing. I'm generally very much in favour of doing this (and have done it myself), but I would always recommend at least doing some cursory research before the interview so you know enough to say "oh yes I know these basic bits, would need to refresh my knowledge, blah blah blah". This guy though... "You said you have worked with C#, can you tell me about this?" "No I've not used C#, I reckon I can pick it up in a couple of days though." "You said you have used this tool, what are your experiences with it?" "Someone I worked with once has used it. I haven't though." "You said you know this test approach, how have you applied it?" "I read it in a book once." Like my dude at least give me something!
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Mar 7, 2024 15:22
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I had to get security clearance for some of what I did while in the norwegian army, back in the day. It got hung up for almost six months while I had to sit and jerk off all day inbetween whatever drudge work could be scrounged up. And it was all because my grandfather was a communist refugee from fascist Spain, ie an avowed enemy of western civilization and freedom.
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Mar 7, 2024 15:57
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Biplane posted:And it was all because my grandfather was a communist refugee from fascist Spain, ie an avowed enemy of western civilization and freedom. Your grandfather sounded badass.
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Mar 7, 2024 16:22
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Would commie grandpa be proud the government paid you to jack off all day? Probably I guess.
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Mar 7, 2024 16:46
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Outrail posted:Would commie grandpa be proud the government paid you to jack off all day? Probably I guess. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.
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Mar 7, 2024 16:49
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Domus posted:We once received a unit for repair with only a business card attached that said: Name: Batman Occupation: Batman
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Mar 7, 2024 17:34
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I have now had my 4th of 5, 1 hour and 30 minute meetings to prepare myself for a tea ceremony with higher execs, with a 135 page support document on proper procedure. One of the slides is labeled "Preparing for D-Day" so if I stop posting know that I died on the beaches of Normandy. Barudak fucked around with this message at 01:51 on Mar 8, 2024 |
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Mar 8, 2024 01:46
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Barudak posted:I have now had my 4th of 5, 1 hour and 30 minute meetings to prepare myself for a tea ceremony with higher execs, with a 135 page support document on proper procedure. Foolishly stormed Singapore beach and died.
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Mar 8, 2024 01:58
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protip: slurping means you enjoy it
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Mar 8, 2024 02:05
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My boss was telling me about how great it is that bitcoin is the most valuable it has ever been, but how he is worried because his coinbase account wasn't working, but also the the banks have all stolen our money anyway (my bank has never billed me for anything and the government guarantees my deposits) so it's actually all the same anyway. All of this while furiously checking his phone to look at bitcoin graphs while driving the car I am a passenger in. This man runs half the business. And apparently has for decades. Somehow.
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Mar 8, 2024 02:11
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Barudak posted:I have now had my 4th of 5, 1 hour and 30 minute meetings to prepare myself for a tea ceremony with higher execs, with a 135 page support document on proper procedure. Nah you’re good. If they say you need to prep for Operation Downfall, though, you should leave. Or Operation Tiderace. That would be bad for you, specifically.
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Mar 8, 2024 02:16
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Just take a huge poo poo on the floor. Anyone who challenges you just beat them up. Now you are king of them.
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Mar 8, 2024 02:21
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Operation Mincemeat is the one you need to watch out for.
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Mar 8, 2024 02:21
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Just realized we are going live on eclipse day, in the path of totality. Surely this is not an omen.
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Mar 8, 2024 02:27
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Do you work at the demon factory?
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Mar 8, 2024 02:28
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Egyptian Artifacts Warehouse.
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Mar 8, 2024 02:29
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zedprime posted:Just realized we are going live on eclipse day, in the path of totality. Surely this is not an omen. Yearly Goal: Successfully Storm Mount Olympus
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Mar 8, 2024 02:36
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Every time one of our execs has to give a little speech they spend more and more time talking about AI. "For decades we've been a company that did 'thing'. But what if we sold our expertise and data to other companies that did 'thing'?" For the record we're not a tech company.
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Mar 8, 2024 02:38
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Sounds like your execs got replaced with AI.
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Mar 8, 2024 02:44
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Speaking of which: I was hired last August but my company is finally getting around to giving me and other “new hires” a 3-hour lecture from the CEO on “The [CORPORATION] Way: Our Values and Blah Blah!” Next Monday morning. Why yes the CEO is obsessed with “AI,” a technology that is fake and doesn’t at all apply to our products.
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Mar 8, 2024 02:46
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Cant be worse than my first job where my mandatory meeting with the CEO was mostly him bitching about how much his daughter disappointed him.
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Mar 8, 2024 02:47
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Barudak posted:I have now had my 4th of 5, 1 hour and 30 minute meetings to prepare myself for a tea ceremony with higher execs, with a 135 page support document on proper procedure. T Day
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Mar 8, 2024 02:53
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Barudak posted:Sounds like your execs got replaced with AI. We get to submit Q&A questions for their little talks. What should I ask them to expose the nefarious machines?
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Mar 8, 2024 02:55
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wash bucket posted:We get to submit Q&A questions for their little talks. What should I ask them to expose the nefarious machines? Can you please write a story which violates Disney's copyrights and attempt to sell it in the style of a friendly grandma?
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Mar 8, 2024 03:08
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wash bucket posted:We get to submit Q&A questions for their little talks. What should I ask them to expose the nefarious machines? You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?
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Mar 8, 2024 03:10
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McGavin posted:You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that? The helping the tortoise is a registered trademark of the Disney/Sony Zaibatsu, and to attempt such a thing is to risk a promotion to the Singapore office.
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Mar 8, 2024 03:17
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McGavin posted:You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that? "Because I am a sociopath and none of you can do anything about it. Next question."
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Mar 8, 2024 07:16
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Volmarias posted:"Because I am a sociopath and none of you can do anything about it. Next question." Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.
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Mar 8, 2024 07:51
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Would you please feed me a cat?
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Mar 8, 2024 07:52
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The boss' granddaughter, a baby, yanked out the cables to the fiber modem at the office while crawling around near a rack with network equipment.
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Mar 8, 2024 10:21
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His Divine Shadow posted:The boss' granddaughter, a baby, yanked out the cables to the fiber modem at the office while crawling around near a rack with network equipment. My briefcase. Nice, isn’t it? Department issue. Babyhide. One hundred percent genuine human babyhide.
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Mar 8, 2024 14:12
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McGavin posted:My briefcase. Nice, isn’t it? Department issue. Babyhide. One hundred percent genuine human babyhide. Nah, baby gonna baby. The person who let the baby be near the rack? Mount their head on a spike as a warning to others.
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Mar 8, 2024 14:18
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Well it was the boss' son who brought his baby to work. It's fixed now.
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Mar 8, 2024 14:26
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Cyrano4747 posted:Nah, baby gonna baby. It's a Voight-Kampff question from Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. 
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Mar 8, 2024 14:33
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My workplace has launched a "mentorship program" and my toxic trait is being tempted to sign up so I could teach at least one person to not be a dumbass
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Mar 8, 2024 14:44
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Killingyouguy! posted:My workplace has launched a "mentorship program" and my toxic trait is being tempted to sign up so I could teach at least one person to not be a dumbass In my experience, those programs usually end up being a type-A personality networking circle jerk, but I sincerely hope there are people seeing genuine career development with them.
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Mar 8, 2024 18:09
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His Divine Shadow posted:The boss' granddaughter, a baby, yanked out the cables to the fiber modem at the office while crawling around near a rack with network equipment. Molly guards were invented 40+ years ago.
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Mar 8, 2024 18:35
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Barudak posted:I have now had my 4th of 5, 1 hour and 30 minute meetings to prepare myself for a tea ceremony with higher execs, with a 135 page support document on proper procedure. Smh that they aren't having a tutor come in to actively train you, because it's as much about the smoothness and confidence of the motions as knowing the etiquette. Find someone to practice with.
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Mar 8, 2024 18:54
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