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Jim become obsessed with the Nickelodeon studios show from the early nineties Welcome to Weinerville starring Marc Weiner. Dwight does not know what that is or understand the reference
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Mar 9, 2024 02:52
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| # ? May 31, 2024 11:34 |
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Every day Jim removes one vertebra from his spine before going to the office. The first few days nobody really notices since everybody does their best to ignore Jim and his antics. But after a while it becomes impossible to ignore: Jim is hunched over at his desk barely able to move and cries out in pain every so often. The next day Pam brings him to work in a wheelbarrow while Jim is crying in pain. Slumped at his desk he looks like a sack of flesh but is at least quiet. That us until Pam loads Jim in the wheelbarrow at 5pm to take him home. On the next day Jim does not even do this anymore. Like a puddle he lays on the floor on front of his desk facing up. His breathing is labored and short. "Dwight" he whispers. Dwight looks over to him. "Dwight, I kinda forgot where I was going with this, but... do you feel pranked?" Dwight quietly watches his misshapen coworker for a while and feels disgust washing over him. "Yes Jim, I do feel pranked" Dwight answers. "Heh, got you!" With a smile on his face Jim then dies.
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Mar 9, 2024 10:39
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Jim sets Dwight's bidet to 'suck'
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Mar 9, 2024 12:50
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Jim sets Dwight's vacuum to blow.
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Mar 9, 2024 13:20
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Jim steals all the atmosphere from planet Shrutidia.
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Mar 9, 2024 16:00
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Dwight, an affable rogue who drives in a space Winnebago with his half-dog, half-human companion Mose, is called upon to help the Princess Angela carry her luggage across the desert planet. Little does he know that Jim loaded it with heavy toiletries. Dwight looks around the office at all his coworkers. “I’m surrounded by assholes!” he exclaims.
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Mar 9, 2024 16:16
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Jim sets Dwight's vacuum to 'bidet'
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Mar 9, 2024 17:35
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Jim sets Dwight’s flashlight to “vacuum”. Dwight isn’t seen for several days.
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Mar 9, 2024 18:33
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Jealous of Dwight’s cool half-man, half-dog companion Mose, Jim recruits the SWAT Kats so that he can fight crime but shoots them down himself when they have missiles locked onto a villain that they were trying to bring down, because he (Jim) wants to be the hero. The SWAT Kats crash into Scranton’s most expensive building, and fail to catch the bad guy, do Jim shifts all the blame onto them (including the cost of repairs for the building), banishing them to work at the city's junkyard and garnishing wages for the rest of their lives. But it turns out that the Kats are such great mechanics that they built their own crime fighting plane and gear out of all the junk discarded at the dump and just spend their time foiling Jim’s pranks while the police actively try to stop them from dealing with city-wrecking threats. Dwight sighs as this chain of events reminds him that he’s due back to the hideout under Scranton’s sewers where he’s been hosting the Biker Mice from Mars, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Battletoads, and the Cowboys of Moo Mesa (the latter of which have been quite surly and unappreciative lately). While Dwight finishes tidying up their common room, one of the cowboys (a half-man, half-cattle abomination) groans and says “Pizza, again?! When do I get to pick dinner?” Dwight silently reminds himself that he’s doing a good deed, and that they’ll all leave for college in less than three years.
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Mar 9, 2024 20:46
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Wait what happened to the Street Sharks??
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Mar 9, 2024 20:53
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The squeaky shoe machine burned down their hideout after Chips chained all the doors shut. There were no survivors.
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Mar 9, 2024 21:37
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Andy plays a soft version of Simon and Garfunkel’s “Sound of Silence” on acoustic guitar while a gentle yet persistent rain falls across graveyard where a small group has gathered to lay the four Street Sharks down in their final resting places. Dwight is about to say a few words when Jim, along with the rest of the Wilkes-Barr Baptist Church, storm the grounds and begin protesting the funeral. (Jim has recently decided that DNA-splicing and mutations are “ungodly” and has initiated several lawsuits to make them illegal in Pennsylvania, primarily because the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles kept calling him a dweeb).
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Mar 9, 2024 21:49
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Jim sends Dwight a text message at 4am: "Get Bazinga'd, scrub." While Dwight is peering at his phone trying to decipher what Jim's message could possibly mean, a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade float shaped like Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory comes bursting in through Dwight's bedroom wall.
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Mar 9, 2024 23:38
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Jim claims to have portrayed The Unknown in that Scottish Willy Wonka disaster. Dwight protests this, noting that Jim doesn’t even have a passport and would be unable to leave the country. Jim then smashes a mirror over Dwight’s head and flees into the walls of Dundee Mifflin.
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Mar 9, 2024 23:45
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Jim transforms Scranton into Scotland, then flips up Dwight's kilt in front of the PTA.
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Mar 10, 2024 00:54
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Taffy Jr. posted:Wait what happened to the Street Sharks?? They’re hanging out with the Dino Vengers
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Mar 10, 2024 03:14
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Jim slashes Dwight across the chest with a Dino Vengers-themed switchblade. "I've heard of a 'deep cut' but this is ridiculous!" squeals Jim.
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Mar 10, 2024 05:46
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Jim steals a golf cart and does donuts on Dwight’s lawn
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Mar 10, 2024 07:06
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Jim sneaks into Dwight’s house in the middle of the night and sets all his clocks forward an hour, just to mess with him. Dwight wakes up none the wiser, as he forgot to change his clocks for daylight savings time and is perfectly in sync with the times.
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Mar 10, 2024 08:21
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South American Jim sneaks into South American Dwight’s house in the middle of the night and sets all his clocks forward an hour, just to mess with him. South American Dwight wakes up none the wiser, as he forgot to change his clocks for daylight savings time and is perfectly in sync with the times. This prank occurs in either Chile or Paraguay.
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Mar 10, 2024 09:21
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North American Jim kicks North American Dwight in the balls, shouting ‘you’re para-gay!’
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Mar 10, 2024 09:23
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South American Jaime kicks South American Dwight in the balls, shouting “Esta un Okla-homo!”
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Mar 10, 2024 11:33
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Brazilian Jim removes all of Dwight’s pubic and taint hair.
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Mar 10, 2024 11:39
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Jim tells everyone in the office that he’s been infected with Hepatitis C and that no one should have sexual contact with him or receive any of his blood via transfusion. “Weren’t planning on that anyway, Jim,” Michael says. “But thanks all the same, I guess.” Unfortunately for the office, Jim didn’t clarify who “he” was in his admission. In reality, “he” is Dwight, and Jim infected him with a dirty needle while he (Dwight) slept. Jim mugs for the camera as Dwight gets ready for his monthly trip to donate blood.
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Mar 10, 2024 13:21
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"I've been infected with Hepatitis C and no one should have sexual contact with me or receive any of my blood via transfusion!" tells Jim to everyone in the office. “Weren’t planning on that anyway, Jim,” Michael says. “But thanks all the same, I guess.” Unfortunately for the office, Jim didn’t clarify who “I” was in his admission. In reality, “I” is Dwight, and Jim infected him with a dirty needle while he (Dwight) slept. Jim mugs for the camera as Dwight gets ready for his monthly trip to donate blood.
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Mar 10, 2024 14:20
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Dwight gets mugged coming out of a bar with Jim. The whole time Jim is just making stupid noises, squawking, and blowing raspberries. This distracts the few witnesses so that nobody remembers what the mugger looks like when the police ask for a description when they arrive on the scene.
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Mar 10, 2024 15:07
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Jim mugs the camera operator
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Mar 10, 2024 15:13
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Jim tries to calculate how much to adjust Dwight's clocks taking into account daylight savings time and the Scranton elevation and the minor effect of time dilation, but it's been decades since he took that class in college so instead he steals the batteries out of Dwight's clock.
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Mar 10, 2024 16:51
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While researching daylight savings time, Jim discovers several radical new theories about space time that could alter humanity’s understanding of the universe, provide free energy, and uplift the species, but because he can’t think of a way to use them to pull fun pranks on Dwight, he throws them away in the trash.
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Mar 10, 2024 17:13
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Jim sets all of Dwight's clocks back 8,094,240 hours. Dwight awakens in medieval England in the Year of Our Lord 1100, where he is immediately arrested and tried as a witch because of his glasses. Jimothy, the towne witchsmeller, mugs for the tribunal.
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Mar 10, 2024 17:23
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Jim becomes a seat filler at the Oscars and, to make himself stick out even more, he wears a white tuxedo for the occasion. When Emily Blunt’s husband steps out to “drain the main vein” (his words) Jim is put to work. Dwight, watching at home, is glued to the screen waiting for Jim to do something terrible. As the Oscars move on to hour two, Emily Blunt’s husband still hasn’t returned. “Does he have… issues peeing in public?” Jim asks Blunt, bluntly. “I have the same problem. I can… I can only pee at home. I’m just faking it everywhere else, I bring a little bottle of water with a nozzle and dribble it out.” Emily Blunt is both horrified and amazed as her husband does, indeed, do the exact same thing.
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Mar 11, 2024 01:03
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Jim becomes a seat filler at Dunder Mifflin. He fills Dwight's seat with dog turds.
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Mar 11, 2024 01:08
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Jim becomes a Seat Filler at Dunder Mifflin - a hitherto unreleased model of car by Seat SA, part of the Volkswagen group Dwight attempts to get some work done but is repeatedly distracted by the horn of a large spanish car, several feet away. Jim beeps for the camera.
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Mar 11, 2024 10:00
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John Krasinski lays in bed, silently, next to his wife. There's an awkward air about the darkened room in the palatial Hollywood estate. Then, John opens his mouth. "So, like, what was the deal with that guy hugging you?" "Do you mean Cillian? My co-star? I don't know, John, maybe he was hugging me because he was happy for our success?" "He was hugging you for a long time, Emily. I just don't want him to get the wrong idea. You... you did tell him we were married, right?" Emily Blunt lets out a sigh of frustration, then turns on the lamp sitting on the nightstand. She looks at her husband, wearing Minions pajamas with eyes wet and puffy from crying. "Christ, John, we're actors. I shouldn't have to go through this with you every goddamn time. And, anyway, you KNOW Cillian. From A Quiet Place Part 2, remember?" "More like A Quiet Piece of Poo, if that guy was in it. I just didn't like the way he was looking at you, is all. Guys like that... they're trouble." "Guys like what, John," Emily says, turning the light back out and deciding just to try and force herself to go to sleep. "Guys like WHAT?" "You know," John Krasinski says, turning his back to his wife, "creeps like that. He just gives me the creeps, like he's hiding something. I don't want him getting the wrong impression about you." "Are you confusing him with his character from those Batman movies, John? Think really hard here, okay? Is it possible you're worried that The Scarecrow is planning to use me in some sort of plan to outwit The Batman?" John Krasinski rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling. Batman WAS at the Oscars tonight. Mr. Freeze and Penguin, too. If Scarecrow was there, well, that's three villains for the price of one. Even the Caped Crusader would have problems with them. And if they captured a beautiful actress like Emily Blunt to use as a bargaining chip? That's even more trouble. "Yeah, I guess I am. I just worry, you know, I'm going to lose you." Emily Blunt believes that her husband is confessing to his own feelings of inadequacy, rather than his fears of comic book supervillains kidnapping her. Touched, she leans over and kisses him on the cheek. "I love you, John. And don't worry, you won't lose me. I'm glad we can be honest like this with each other." John Krasinski, already planning an elaborate anti-super villain trap in his diseased mind, drapes one comforting arm around his wife. "Don't worry, Emily. It's all going to work out just fine." John Krasinski falls asleep with a smile on his face, dreaming of capturing Cillian Murphy in a giant butterfly net. Rainn Wilson, who did not attend the Oscars, is already fast asleep and didn't see the text message from Paul Giamatti asking if he wanted to hang out at In N Out Burger after the Oscars. In the morning, he'll curse himself for going to bed too early and missing what would have been a fun time.
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Mar 11, 2024 12:50
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Jim, wearing a black t-shirt that says "REBEL MOON WAS ROBBED", shows up to work unusually late (even for him) and looks exhausted. Dwight asks if everything's okay. "No, Dwight... and I don't know if it will ever be okay again. Zack Snyder was robbed last night. No, even more than that, a criminal conspiracy was set up to rob, murder, and then desecrate the corpse of the man. You know how in Rebel Moon there's a part where -" Dwight cuts Jim off. He hasn't watched Rebel Moon, so any references to the movie will be lost on him. If Jim could just speak clearly, that would help. "Gotcha. Well, you know how in Reb - oh, sorry. Um.... you know how in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice there's that part where Batman has a branding iron? Well, basically, that's what the Academy did to Zack Snyder last night. We didn't win a drat thing, Dwight. NOT A drat THING!" Jim then flips over his desk and, still raging, then flips over Dwight's desk. Dwight's lunch, a delicious beet pot pie, is smashed in the process. Jim then stomps away, leaving Dwight completely lunch-less. Jim, in a talking head confession, admits that he doesn't even like Zack Snyder but he knows his "new gimmick" will give him a lot of material to prank Dwight. In fact, when he woke up this morning his only goal was to smash Dwight's lunch. The production crew asks Jim if he actually watched Rebel Moon. "I mean, I tried, God knows I did. But even I have my limits." "So what would have happened if Dwight hadn't cut you off? You know, if you needed to finish that comparison at the beginning," asks the boom mic operator. "I mean, do you really think Dwight of all people watched that movie? Jeez, your're dumber than him." Jim mugs for the camera.
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Mar 11, 2024 17:34
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Jim “rebel moons” Dwight by pulling his pants down and exposing his rear to Dwight, which he has painted with the Confederate battle flag.
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Mar 11, 2024 17:35
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Jim tells Dwight about the chatter of an upcoming 'director's cut' of Rebel Moon "Given your opinion on the original cut, I can't imagine you gushing about this new cut even more," Dwight says as he continues his work. Jim mutters something. "What's that," Dwight asks. Jim pulls out a knife and slices Dwight across the throat. Dwight flails and kicks as he falls out of his chair as he tries to stop the bleeding. "I said, 'talk about a cut making you gush!'" Jim mugs at the camera as blood sprays across his face.
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Mar 11, 2024 17:53
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Jim discovers the DnD setting on his Microsoft Teams and is fascinated. Henceforth everyday he blocks the break room with his best friends, the Street Sharks, playing tabletop role playing games at an alarming volume.
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Mar 11, 2024 20:41
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Jim sneers at Dwight for using the picture on the box while doing a jigsaw puzzle, telling him that "serious puzzlers" would never stoop to cheating off the box. Dwight replies that he's only doing the puzzle for fun and that "serious puzzlers" sounds like an oxymoron. "YOU'RE AN OXYMORON!!!" Jim screeches as he flips Dwight's nearly-completed puzzle off the table and out the window where it is immediately set upon by seagulls.
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Mar 11, 2024 21:03
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| # ? May 31, 2024 11:34 |
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On the Dwightness of the Whale What Dwight was to Jim, has been hinted; what, at times, he was to me, as yet remains unsaid. Aside from those more obvious considerations touching Dwight Schrute, which could not but occasionally awaken in any man’s soul some alarm, there was another thought, or rather vague, nameless horror concerning him, which at times by its intensity completely overpowered all the rest; and yet so mystical and well nigh ineffable was it, that I almost despair of putting it in a comprehensible form. It was the Dwightness of the whale that above all things appalled me. But how can I hope to explain myself here; and yet, in some dim, random way, explain myself I must, else all these chapters might be naught.
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Mar 12, 2024 02:02
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