r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Tristesse: Feb 23, 2006; Chasing the dream.

BOOTY-ADE posted:

This pisses me off SO much because it shouldn't even be a "thing". Women rarely get harassed about kids being theirs but people feel the need to denigrate dads & call them "babysitters" or assume any kids around them aren't theirs/related. People need to mind their loving business & quit assuming the worst.

This kind of thing happened to my dad when I was a baby because I was born with a big ugly lump on my head and random strangers would see it and think "this man is beating that baby." He was almost arrested several times and the solution at the time was to have my mom take me everywhere or to at least come along.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 15:01

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# ? May 29, 2024 18:03

Modal Auxiliary: Jan 14, 2005

BOOTY-ADE posted:

This pisses me off SO much because it shouldn't even be a "thing". Women rarely get harassed about kids being theirs but people feel the need to denigrate dads & call them "babysitters" or assume any kids around them aren't theirs/related. People need to mind their loving business & quit assuming the worst.

That's funny, I nannied for over a decade and everyone always assumed the kiddos were mine. I did get my share of "Giving Mom a break, huh?" comments, though.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 15:12

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

The Diddler posted:

YTA for not understanding how punctuation works. And also having horses, I guess.

Every time there's a pause in the text, she flips a coin. If it comes up heads she puts down a comma, and if it's tails she puts down a period.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 15:24

leftist heap: Feb 28, 2013; Fun Shoe

Mx. posted:

AITA for not wanting my exes step daughter around my horses?

This may be one of the most boring AITAs I�ve ever read

# ? Mar 11, 2024 15:34

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

leftist heap posted:

This may be one of the most boring AITAs I�ve ever read

You're telling me you're not gripped by the tale of Bonnie, August, Ralph, Donna, and Mandy???

Seriously, people posting in AITA should keep names to a minimum, and just describe people in terms of their relationship to the OP. Nobody on reddit knows who these people are, and anything more than three names just make the whole story a chore to follow.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 15:43

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

AITA for telling my parents they're acting so weird over my sister getting engaged?

quote:

I (16F) live at home with my parents. My older sister (24F) got engaged on Saturday and my parents have been freaking out since she told them. And the sole reason is my parents don't like her fianc�'s name or the names that his family use. They all have more trendy, unusual or natureey kinds of names, even the parents, and he has nieces and nephews whose names follow the same trend which bugs my parents and freaks them out. They got the news around 12 on Saturday and all they could talk about was how awful it would be to have grandkids named Tulip, Water, Camden, India and Brayden. But they already know it must be how it will go if she marries him because his two sisters married men with "normal names" and those men didn't stand up for their kids to be named something normal too.

They actually got into a fight with my sister last night because they asked her if she was sure about her fianc� and asked about future kids and how would she navigate giving them names so different to his and his family's names. She was so confused and asked what they meant and she said she always liked nature and more modern names so her kids would fit right in and them my parents told her he and his family are a bad influence and told her she shouldn't marry him.

They were complaining so hard after my sister called them out. I had been listening to them since we got the news from my sister and I was so tired of hearing it. I told my parents they were acting so weird over my sister getting engaged and that freaking out about potential future grandkids names because of an engagement announcement is wild and really strange.

My parents told me to mind my own business and to stop judging them when they are concerned parents as many would be.

AITA?

# ? Mar 11, 2024 15:45

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Kurieg posted:

AITA for telling my parents they're acting so weird over my sister getting engaged?

Parents are insane, yadda yadda yadda.

But Water as a name makes me lol. Why not pick a perfectly good name like Kairi or Aqua instead?

# ? Mar 11, 2024 15:58

deoju: Jul 11, 2004; All the pieces matter.; Nap Ghost

Mx. posted:

AITA for not wanting my exes step daughter around my horses?

I saw he brought Mandy and they got out. He asked if Mandy can see my horses.

He tried to manipulate her into saying yes in front of the kid. He can gently caress off.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 15:59

Barudak: May 7, 2007

DemoneeHo posted:

Parents are insane, yadda yadda yadda.

But Water as a name makes me lol. Why not pick a perfectly good name like Kairi or Aqua instead?

They want to be able to understand what their kid is up to without having to talk to a kid that rode the bus once with their kid, 6 years ago.

Edit: Raxtew is a solid nickname, though, so possibilities.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:00

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

Shanghaied posted:

You're telling me you're not gripped by the tale of Bonnie, August, Ralph, Donna, and Mandy???

Seriously, people posting in AITA should keep names to a minimum, and just describe people in terms of their relationship to the OP. Nobody on reddit knows who these people are, and anything more than three names just make the whole story a chore to follow.

Still better than when they use initials for everyone they have ever met and the whole thing suddenly becomes an algebra equation.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:03

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

keep punching joe posted:

Oh you're Scottish, me too what clan are you?

Dude it's literally not been a thing since like the 17th century, clan wgaf.

Also, like, most Scots are and have always been lowland Scots not Highlanders, not that you'd know that from watching literally any American media.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:22

Ominous Jazz: Jun 15, 2011; Big D is chillin' over here
Wasteland style

this is my son, Drink

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:22

Literally A Person: Jan 1, 1970; Smugworth Wuz Here

Ominous Jazz posted:

this is my son, Drink

A refreshing new name with an updated new look!

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:23

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

Shanghaied posted:

You're telling me you're not gripped by the tale of Bonnie, August, Ralph, Donna, and Mandy???

Seriously, people posting in AITA should keep names to a minimum, and just describe people in terms of their relationship to the OP. Nobody on reddit knows who these people are, and anything more than three names just make the whole story a chore to follow.

at least they didn't use letters

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:29

Lone Goat: Apr 16, 2003; When life gives you lemons, suplex those lemons.

DeeplyConcerned posted:

Not many people can pull off the kilt without becoming a kilt guy. And I feel for those guys because it's gotta be hard. People you know know that you're not a kilt guy, but as soon as you meet somebody new all they're gonna wanna talk about is the kilt. So you need another gimmick that's even more unusual, like carrying a bow and arrow with you everywhere or having an eagle companion.

I'd like to think I'm the type of person that doesn't really care what you wear on your body. But I don't think I'd be able to resist taking the person aside privately and asking "yo how much more comfortable is that than pants/shorts"?

I wore a kilt for my buddy's wedding. All the groomsmen on his side, and the bride's brother that stood on her side, all wore formal Scottish wear. Kilt, long socks, shoes with long laces that go all the way up the socks, dress shirt, short jacket, fake knife tucked into the sock, that giant round purse that goes over your crotch, the whole deal. One or two of the other guys had their own clothes, the rest of us rented.

He was born in Canada but his family Scottish. I don't know if a lot of abouts his family, but there's a capital-M Matriarch that handles the finances, and he's joked that he's around 700th in line to be the King of England.

It was an outdoor wedding ceremony in August and the kilt was VERY heavy and I was probably sweating more in it than I did if I were in regular dress pants. I have no aspirations of wearing a kilt again on my own, but if the situation comes up again I'll play along.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:38

rotinaj: Sep 5, 2008; Fun Shoe

Never talk to me or my son water ever again

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:38

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

Ominous Jazz posted:

this is my son, Drink

Middle name, Heavily

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:44

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

I'm still stuck on the consensual kilt leaf blowing.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:44

rotinaj: Sep 5, 2008; Fun Shoe

Pope Corky the IX posted:

I'm still stuck on the consensual kilt leaf blowing.

Considering the bullshit back then about glomping and yaoi paddles and �cosplay does not equal consent� needing to be actually stated, convention culture was a loving nightmare back then

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:51

BrideOfUglycat: Oct 30, 2000

redshirt posted:

There's this WHOLE thing in America about that. Seemingly most focused on Scots and Irish.

There's a reason for that. Most of those people didn't WANT to leave their homeland but were forced to due to the political circumstances. My family is a prime example of that. Many of my ancestors came over at a variety of times to escape religious persecution, political persecution, and starvation. When you have a group of people forced to leave a place they loved and long to return to but CAN'T, it leaves a long shadow. In my family's case, it wasn't helped by future generations marrying immigrants from the homeland who arrived due to the same reasons. It's why I qualify for both the DAR AND Irish citizenship. I messed up the history of marrying people from the homeland, though. I married one of the colonizers, a full on British citizen.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:54

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

DemoneeHo posted:

Parents are insane, yadda yadda yadda.

But Water as a name makes me lol. Why not pick a perfectly good name like Kairi or Aqua instead?

After watching Moana a million times with my young child during COVID I want to know why a king, that wants to keep his daughter away from the ocean, would name his daughter "Ocean"?

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:04

Lemniscate Blue: Apr 21, 2006; Here we go again.

I'm going to spoiler the text because it's a little on the gross side and there's every possibility it's fetish fiction, but it's funny in its absurdity.

TIFU sleeping with my former boss in front of her husband

quote:

My former boss contacted me a few of days ago with an unusual request. She wanted to know if I was interested in sleeping with her while her husband watched us. I said I was the wrong guy for the job, but she disagreed and said I was the perfect guy based on a random one night stand we had years ago, before she remarried. She said her new husband wanted to watch her gently caress another guy and she was into it.

I agreed to discuss the possibility in person, especially when she offered to pay for dinner. I forgot how attractive she was until I saw her face to face. She introduced me to her new husband who wanted me to understand that all he wanted was to be an observer in the bedroom. He made it sound like the worse case scenario was that I would have sex, which I believed, so yeah, I said yes.

Fast forward to the loving. A couple of days had now passed since I said yes. I was in the missionary position when I heard snoring and farting coming from the so called "observer." The husband passed out at some point, but obviously not quietly, which affected my concentration on the sex because the snoring was distracting and the farting was disgusting.

My ex boss apologized on her husband's behalf before grabbing the box of tissues next to the bed and aggressively hurling it at her unconscious husband. Aim was off, tissue box missed the target, prompting my ex boss to hysterically scream her husband's name over and over into my ears while I was still laying pipe and trying to pretend that absolutely nothing weird was happening. The husband eventually woke up after my ex boss managed to scream his name at the top of her lungs.

Cue all out war. My ex boss called her husband rude for falling asleep. The husband said he had a long day at work. My ex boss scoffed and said he had no clue what a long day at work looked like because what he did in one day was nothing compared to what she had to do every day as an independent business woman. The husband said he had zero energy for another boss bitch speech.

My ex boss looked at me and said her husband had zero energy on a permanent basis. I asked both of them if they wanted me to stop loving and give them privacy because I was awkwardly thrusting in silence while listening to them. My ex boss said I should ask her husband since the whole thing was his idea. The husband unexpectedly slapped my butt on his way towards the bedroom door and said I should cum and call it a night.

I didn't cum, but I did call it a night when I realized that my desire to get away from my ex boss and her husband outweighed my desire to get off. One one night stand should've been enough, but I just had to come back for more, which I now regret.

TL:DR

Agreed to sleep with my ex boss while her husband watched us. But the husband fell asleep mid sex, which affected my performance because he was snoring and farting throughout. An argument ensued between husband and wife while I was still trying to stick to the plan and have sex. Never came. Went home. Instant regret.

Update - 11 days later

quote:

So, there I was, face to face with my former boss and her flatulent husband once again. I agreed to meet them at the same restaurant as the last time because the free food was the only good thing I remembered. The purpose of the meeting according to my former boss was to clear the air following what happened. A phone call or a message or no communication at all would have been more than acceptable for me because I just wanted to move on, but my ex boss insisted on restoring peace in person. I eventually said yes.

The husband was in the men's room when I showed up for the meeting, which made me laugh a little on the inside because it seemed like an unintentional nod to how active his rear end was during our previous interaction. My ex boss thanked me for agreeing to meet with her and said her husband would join us soon. Meanwhile, she apologized for how unfortunate things turned out when we had sex before telling me that she had been brainstorming ways to improve the experience for next time.

The husband emerged from the men's room at that moment and greeted me with an awkward fist bump and an unspoken "hello again" while his wife was trying to convince me to accept another invitation into their bedroom. She persuaded me to at least hear her out before I said yes or no. Her plan was to pivot her approach in the bedroom and embrace the dominant position during sex because she believed her husband would be less likely to fall asleep again if he was watching her put on a show and take control.

My ex boss paused at that point and looked at her husband like that was his cue to swallow his sushi and add to what she was saying. The husband pointed his chopsticks at me and said he expected more energy from a young guy, but based on what he observed while he was still awake, I was loving his wife the same way he hosed his wife whenever he's more in the mood to masturbate. I said having sex with another man's wife while the man was in the room was like trying to poop comfortably while a random person was watching. The husband asked if I made moaning noises when I pooped. I said my moans mid poop was dependent on how hard I had to push to unclog my colon.

The husband said I might need to start pretending that I'm pushing as hard as possible when I sleep with someone because I never made a sound when I was intimate with his wife, which apparently contributed to his struggle to stay awake. I said pretending to poop during sex was sound advice coming from a guy who was unable to stop farting while I was loving in front of him. My ex boss pushed her plate away and said she lost her appetite listening to us. I said I didn't think I was sexually compatible with my ex boss and her husband and suggested that they get another guy for the job.

My ex boss pointed out that the two of us were very sexually compatible when we had our one night stand prior to her meeting her husband. I said I wouldn't call that sexually compatible since she was my boss back then and both of us were drunk. The husband said now he lost his appetite too. I said I had someone in mind that might be perfect for what they want. The husband sarcastically asked if it's another young employee his wife hooked up with. I said it was one of my more sexually experienced friends. My ex boss said if it's not me than it's no one. The husband encouraged his wife to at least allow me to provide more information about my friend before instantly calling off the whole thing.

The information I provided prompted my ex boss and her husband to agree to meet my friend. I contacted my friend the following day and explained the situation. He became interested as soon as I showed him photos of my ex boss. I shared his contact details with my ex boss with his permission and thought that would be the end of my involvement in this circus. Little did I know that my friend would call me a few days later to ask me why the gently caress I never warned him that the husband had a pitbull. I said I didn't know. My friend said he had to gently caress my ex boss in front of the husband and his hellhound.

I asked my friend if the pitbull did anything to hurt him. He said the dog barked from time to time and then the husband would either shush the dog or "translate" and tell my friend what the dog wanted him to do or not do during sex. I was at a loss for words. My friend said the husband slapped his butt when he finished and called him a "good boy."

It sounded so ridiculous, I was struggling not to laugh. However, I did feel bad for my friend because I could relate. My friend said he would've punched the husband if the pitbull was not in the picture. I apologized for introducing him to my ex boss and her husband. My friend thanked me for the trauma and said bye bro.

I decided to do what I should've done after my last post and blocked my ex boss. She's crazy, but I think she somehow married someone even crazier. I'm still working on a way to make my friend like me again.

TL:DR

Agreed to meet my ex boss and her husband to unpack what happened when I agreed to sleep with the wife while the husband watched us. The meeting basically became an invitation for more sex whilst being a critique of my lackluster and silent loving. I said no thank you to the sequel and recommended my more experienced friend as a potential replacement. My friend became the new guy who unexpectedly got his butt slapped by the husband, but not before the husband turned into a degenerate Dr Dolittle who used his pitbull to dedicate what my friend was allowed to do to Mrs Dolittle during sex. Needles to say everyone in this story needs therapy.

A shame it's too long, because I'd love to see r/relationships: pretending to poop during sex was sound advice coming from a guy who was unable to stop farting while I was loving in front of him

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:32

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

Lemniscate Blue posted:

I'm going to spoiler the text because it's a little on the gross side and there's every possibility it's fetish fiction, but it's funny in its absurdity.

TIFU sleeping with my former boss in front of her husband

Update - 11 days later

A shame it's too long, because I'd love to see r/relationships: pretending to poop during sex was sound advice coming from a guy who was unable to stop farting while I was loving in front of him

reminder that these people are definitely not attractive in any way

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:36

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Ominous Jazz posted:

this is my son, Drink

Dasani, Aquafina, Evian, Perrier...the possibilities (and sponsor opportunities) are endless

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:38

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

I can keep kayfabe for AITA and r/relationships but TIFU is some of the most made up bullshit on reddit

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:52

titty_baby_: Nov 11, 2015

Shanghaied posted:

Work kilts have been reasonably popular over here (Sweden), especially with road and rail track maintenance crews. So much so that you can now get hi-viz/reflective variants.

Makes sense I guess, must be better than broiling your balls every summer.

I would be very worried about ticks getting in my nether regions if I wore a kilt

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:53

rotinaj: Sep 5, 2008; Fun Shoe

titty_baby_ posted:

I would be very worried about ticks getting in my nether regions if I wore a kilt

Ticks can get into your nethers even if you wear shorts and underwear like normal

I had to pull a tick off the head of my dick once, it was not pleasant

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:55

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Lemniscate Blue posted:

I'm going to spoiler the text because it's a little on the gross side and there's every possibility it's fetish fiction, but it's funny in its absurdity.

TIFU sleeping with my former boss in front of her husband

Update - 11 days later

A shame it's too long, because I'd love to see r/relationships: pretending to poop during sex was sound advice coming from a guy who was unable to stop farting while I was loving in front of him

Insert Krusty "What the hell was that?" meme gif here.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:30

CommissarMega: Nov 18, 2008; THUNDERDOME LOSER

Odds are it's not real, but holy poo poo do I want to believe :syoon:

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:48

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Nocheez posted:

After watching Moana a million times with my young child during COVID I want to know why a king, that wants to keep his daughter away from the ocean, would name his daughter "Ocean"?

It's like how if you name a kid Chastity, she's going to become a stripper, you know.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:55

Farg: Nov 19, 2013

I'm glad the life I live isn't like that guys life

# ? Mar 11, 2024 19:30

Solenna: Jun 5, 2003; I'd say it was your manifest destiny not to.

Midnight Voyager posted:

It's like how if you name a kid Chastity, she's going to become a stripper, you know.

god I miss Terry Pratchett.

"The Carter parents were a quiet and respectable Lancre family who got into a bit of a mix-up when it came to naming their children. First, they had four daughters, who were christened Hope, Chastity, Prudence, and Charity, because naming girls after virtues is an ancient and unremarkable tradition. Then their first son was born and out of some misplaced idea about how this naming business was done he was called Anger Carter, followed later by Jealousy Carter, Bestiality Carter and Covetousness Carter. Life being what it is, Hope turned out to be a depressive, Chastity was enjoying life as a lady of negotiable affection in Ankh-Morpork, Prudence had thirteen children, and Charity expected to get a dollar’s change out of seventy-five pence–whereas the boys had grown into amiable, well-tempered men, and Bestiality Carter was, for example, very kind to animals.”

# ? Mar 11, 2024 19:31

Crocobile: Dec 2, 2006

Lemniscate Blue posted:

I'm going to spoiler the text because it's a little on the gross side and there's every possibility it's fetish fiction, but it's funny in its absurdity.

TIFU sleeping with my former boss in front of her husband

Update - 11 days later

A shame it's too long, because I'd love to see r/relationships: pretending to poop during sex was sound advice coming from a guy who was unable to stop farting while I was loving in front of him

I�m partial to Re: r/relationships: I asked both of them if they wanted me to stop loving and give them privacy

Or Re: r/relationships: an unintentional nod to how active his rear end was during our previous interaction

:allears:

# ? Mar 11, 2024 20:09

Pantaloon Pontiff: Jun 25, 2023

CommissarMega posted:

Odds are it's not real, but holy poo poo do I want to believe

It rings true to me because it's just so many dumb things instead of being over-the-top funny, and it doesn't do the 'keep raising the stakes' bit stories tend to. I can definitely believe a couple wants to do a cuck/exhibitionist kind of thing and lets their argumentative side out mid-act, and the guy turns off-puttingly controlling later on in spite of being 'the submissive cuck' in the story.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 20:15