r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

mystes: May 31, 2006

MagusofStars posted:

AITA for having an underwhelming reaction to my mom being pregnant?

Oh wow that went from mildly lovely to "time to get out ASAP" very quickly lmao

I love how they're like "You know how once when you were 5 years old you said you wanted a sibling? No? Well congrats now as a teenager you're going to have your life ruined by being parentified; aren't you happy?"

mystes fucked around with this message at 17:44 on Apr 8, 2024

# ? Apr 8, 2024 17:41

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 18:14

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

AITA for having an underwhelming reaction to my mom being pregnant?

(15f) reedaycare

# ? Apr 8, 2024 17:43

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

Don't worry, she can leave for college as soon as she's done potty-training her sibling.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 17:49

Pantaloon Pontiff: Jun 25, 2023

Pope Corky the IX posted:

I've been married twice and I can't remember the last time I looked at any of the pictures.

Since you (or someone) took him off of your avatar, you should photoshop Big John into your wedding pictures and see how long it takes for someone to notice.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 17:52

Bobstar: Feb 8, 2006; KartooshFace, you are not responding efficiently!

The upside of the massive age gap: Only 3 years until she can join the coast guard!

# ? Apr 8, 2024 17:53

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

Don't worry we're going to buy you a car, it will be 100% yours and you'll be totally financially responsible for it, but it will technically be in our name and you'll only be allowed to use it to drive your little brother around.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 18:01

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Mx. posted:

AITA for wearing fake freckles?

it's not freckle appropriation it's more like freckle stolen valour

I understand feeling bad that something you were once bullied about is now fashionable, but gently caress that! Don't fuckin crab bucket, be happy other freckle kids might not get poo poo like you did.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 18:13

Danger: Jan 4, 2004; all desire - the thirst for oil, war, religious salvation - needs to be understood according to what he calls 'the demonogrammatical decoding of the Earth's body'

haveblue posted:

I feel like I remember a story from a while back where someone pulled a second surprise ceremony at someone else's wedding, sneaking in the officiant somehow

Man this one is hard to find nowadays. The only thing I remember from it was �let�s get this double wedding back to partying�

https://x.com/musktilldawn/status/1406263402364821509?s=46

# ? Apr 8, 2024 18:18

Volcano: Apr 10, 2008; we're leaving the planet
and you can't come

Danger posted:

Man this one is hard to find nowadays. The only thing I remember from it was �let�s get this double wedding back to partying�

https://x.com/musktilldawn/status/1406263402364821509?s=46

My friend Torkbuzz (fake name)

# ? Apr 8, 2024 18:34

Ensign Expendable: Nov 11, 2008; Lager beer is proof that god loves us; Pillbug

Danger posted:

Man this one is hard to find nowadays. The only thing I remember from it was “let’s get this double wedding back to partying”

https://x.com/musktilldawn/status/1406263402364821509?s=46

I can't believe I was kicked out of my own double wedding

# ? Apr 8, 2024 18:34

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Please don�t link to Nazi social media sites in here, thank you. Take a screenshot or transcribe it.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 18:58

HungryMedusa: Apr 28, 2003

I wonder if the double wedding guy is still married to his girlfriend of 4 whole months who decided it would be fun to co-ruin a wedding

# ? Apr 8, 2024 18:58

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

Pope Corky the IX posted:

I've been married twice and I can't remember the last time I looked at any of the pictures.

Third time's the charm, please let me know the date of your next family function so I can propose to you via a carefully coordinated dogs-in-heelies flashmob.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 19:00

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Hughlander posted:

AITAH for blocking my ex when she broke up with me?

Together for 3 years, dumped via text and now needs to meet up. I'm smelling tik-tok backfire. Either way just lol at "We were together 1/6th of my life, she dumped me so I just said ok went to sleep." He'll be fine.

Update: AITAH for blocking my ex when she broke up with me?

quote:

This happend like exactly a week ago. So I apologize for not updating I genuinely was not thinking about this at the time.

Basically, my ex showed up at my parents house during Easter with my sister. My parents and I weren't even made aware that she was coming. She told us that she only came because she had no other way to communicate with me.

She told me that she was extremely hurt by me blocking her right off the bat because it made her feel like I actually didn't care about her at all. She said she thought that I would have loved her enough to try and better myself for her? I was confused by this, to be honest.

I told her that she said I was holding her back and she needed to move on. If anyone told me that I was holding them back in life, I probably would've blocked them too. I told her that even if she didn't say that, I still wouldn't have begged her to stay. We kinda talked a little more after that, and then she got my sister to take her back home.

When my sister came back, she was mad at me again because she said that I caused my ex to cry and I'm simply punishing her for caring about me. My parents are mad at my sister tho, because they said it was unnecessary of her to do that at their house because it made the atmosphere awkward for everyone.

Other than that I've really just been chilling. I don't think imma try and date anybody else soon tho, or at least not someone my sister is friends with because it makes me uncomfortable with how much she's invested in my life.

Still think the ex was just annoyed that he got in the last word of, "Ok."

# ? Apr 8, 2024 19:23

Coca Koala: Nov 28, 2005; ongoing nowhere; College Slice

HungryMedusa posted:

I wonder if the double wedding guy is still married to his girlfriend of 4 whole months who decided it would be fun to co-ruin a wedding

He�s just waiting to get invited to a divorce so he can make it memorable.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 19:23

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

Coca Koala posted:

He�s just waiting to get invited to a divorce so he can make it memorable.

You can save a lot of money by doing a double divorce

# ? Apr 8, 2024 19:37

mystes: May 31, 2006

Hughlander posted:

Update: AITAH for blocking my ex when she broke up with me?

Still think the ex was just annoyed that he got in the last word of, "Ok."

The idea that it's the OP's job to manage the ex's feelings to make her feel better about herself or beg to stay together after she dumped him by text is so loving stupid

# ? Apr 8, 2024 19:41

AnoHito: May 8, 2014

She really thought he'd start crying and begging for her back, while she'd get to be the cool one who casually moved on. Then the opposite happened, and she just looks like a total loser.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 19:55

mystes: May 31, 2006

AnoHito posted:

She really thought he'd start crying and begging for her back, while she'd get to be the cool one who casually moved on. Then the opposite happened, and she just looks like a total loser.

I mean the two possibilities are that or that she didn't really intend to break up and assumed that he would be like "I'll completely change myself for you" and beg, and she would agree to stay together. I actually don't know which is worse.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 19:57

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

mystes posted:

I mean the two possibilities are that or that she didn't really intend to break up and assumed that he would be like "I'll completely change myself for you" and beg, and she would agree to stay together. I actually don't know which is worse.

I've been thinking about it a bit and since it was over text and all I'd love to reply, "Out of curiosity, was your sister home when your gf texted to break up with you?" I can totally see from the text that the sister and GF concocted the whole thing and were together writing the texts.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 20:01

Larry Cum Free: Jun 3, 2022; move it or lose it dillweed

mystes posted:

I mean the two possibilities are that or that she didn't really intend to break up and assumed that he would be like "I'll completely change myself for you" and beg, and she would agree to stay together. I actually don't know which is worse.

I think it's the latter based on her reactions. It was a test or a tactic to be in the driver's seat of the relationship, and it all fell apart when one of the supporting characters in the universe went off-script.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 20:04

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

AITA for being annoyed that my partner came to the opera in gym attire and ate during the play?

quote:

Due to a project we recently did at work, my colleagues told me we can get free opera tickets, with a plus one. I was really excited, since I love opera, and asked my partner to join me. He told me he would join after the gym and we will meet on the spot. So we meet at the location, and he is wearing gym stuff - sports shorts and a sports vest. He joked how it is probably too snobbish of a place for it, and he took a pair of jeans with him and a shirt, but he doesn�t really want to bother.

Now, since I was a small kid and we went to the theatre with my school or parents (where I am from theatre/opera/ballet tickets are super cheap for school kids, and it is a very common school activity to go with your whole class) - I knew that it is basic common sense to look decent at such places. I am no fan of fancy overdressing myself, and my partner knows it, however is it not ok to expect at least plain jeans, and not sweatpants? And not to talk loud, EAT OR DRINK during the life performance on stage?

So seeing all the actually nicely dressed people arriving to the venue, my partner annoyingly said that I would probably want him to wear the jeans, and now we have to find a place for him to go change, even though he is not so keen on it. I was relieved and did not want to argue, so I did not say much about it, and we had to go around the corner for him to change.

The first act was good, and we went to get some snacks in the break, but due to the long queue we did not have the time to eat them. So we come back to our places, my partner sits between me and my colleagues and with my side vision I see him taking the food out. Now as I mentioned we are adults in our late 30s, and as far as I am concerned I do not have to tell a 35+ year old adult basic etiquette, but I had a bad feeling about it so I turned to him and whispered �don�t!!�. He laughed and I was relieved thinking he was just doing a weird joke or whatever. 30 seconds with my side vision I see him EATING the snacks. I was absolutely mortified and speechless, I poked him with my elbow, but he just kinda laughed and ignored me. I was ready to melt though the floor from embarrassment - I can not BELIEVE I am seeing a grown rear end person EATING during an opera, and even worse - that being my partner, right next to my colleagues who invited me here.

A few minutes later my partner leaned to tell me something, but I was still burning from shame and anger and did not reply, so he asked �is it about the food?� and then rolled his eyes, sighed loudly and stopped talking to me. I could not enjoy the rest of the opera at all, and when my colleagues gathered to discuss it afterwards, I was still feeling too embarrassed, excused myself and left asap.

My partner caught up with me outside and was annoyed at me �being so stuck up about such a petty thing�. According to him it was dark, and he wasn�t sitting direct in front of the stage so �who cares, it is ok�. I told him it is about how far he sits, it is common sense to not do such things in a theatre, he rolled his eyes and told me �there is no such rule, it is not written anywhere� and that I am �making up some imaginary rules just to go at him�. I really can not wrap my head around this, so I started questioning my sanity. He also told me that in his opinion it is me, who has a problem, and I should discuss it with my therapist �that I care too much what people think� (I am in therapy for different reasons, he was actually the one who encouraged me to start therapy in the first place). I mean it is not just about �what people think� - as an artist myself I find it insanely rude, uncultured and disrespectful both to actors and people next to you to bring food to the opera and eat it DURING the live performance! We came here specifically for this live event, can you really not wait for like an hour?!

IATA for being angry and disappointed with the whole experience?

# ? Apr 8, 2024 20:19

Coca Koala: Nov 28, 2005; ongoing nowhere; College Slice

Hughlander posted:

AITA for being annoyed that my partner came to the opera in gym attire and ate during the play?

I have to know what the snacks are because if this guy is like, busting out potato chips during a theatre performance and eating them he should be executed.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 20:26

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Coca Koala posted:

I have to know what the snacks are because if this guy is like, busting out potato chips during a theatre performance and eating them he should be executed.

It was a durian.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 20:30

Blue Moonlight: Apr 28, 2005; Bitter and Sarcastic

PHUO: any snack sold by the establishment is fair game to consume during the performance. If the theatre thinks a bag of Sun Chips are a great accompaniment to The Barber of Seville, who am I to argue?

# ? Apr 8, 2024 20:35

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

Coca Koala posted:

I have to know what the snacks are because if this guy is like, busting out potato chips during a theatre performance and eating them he should be executed.

4ft party sub

# ? Apr 8, 2024 20:35

mom and dad fight a lot: Sep 21, 2006; Can't post for 28 days!

Hughlander posted:

Update: AITAH for blocking my ex when she broke up with me?

quote:

She told me that she felt like my lack of ambition was holding her back and she needed to move on with her life because she felt like I didn't value her. When she sent me that I just sent "Okay" and blocked her and fell asleep shortly after.

I can see what she meant, but lordy she screwed up the endgame.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 20:38

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Hughlander posted:

I've been thinking about it a bit and since it was over text and all I'd love to reply, "Out of curiosity, was your sister home when your gf texted to break up with you?" I can totally see from the text that the sister and GF concocted the whole thing and were together writing the texts.

I wonder if it was the sister's idea & not the girlfriend to do the stupid "test". Makes sense considering how upset sister was getting on the ex's behalf.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 20:46

Magic Hate Ball: May 6, 2007; ha ha ha!
you've already paid for this

On the one hand, it's annoying that theatres only give the 2000 audience members 20 minutes to go pee and buy almonds during intermission. On the other hand, it's annoying when the person behind you is constantly crinkling their bag and smacking their lips, especially at shows like operas that don't use amplification (go ham on a ham at Mamma Mia, who gives a poo poo).

On the third hand, acting like a petulant teenager to teach your girlfriend a lesson about inviting you to things you think are boring and snobby is a great way to be sent to the acid vat.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 20:47

kdrudy: Sep 19, 2009

Yea, I'd have to know the snack for that part, but he doesn't get much benefit if the doubt for showing up trying to sabotage the night in the first place.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 20:53

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

The guy at the opera:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGcCV-WYGKU

# ? Apr 8, 2024 20:57

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

In New York City you can be fined and even arrested for anything that disrupts a live Broadway performance.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 20:59

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Pope Corky the IX posted:

In New York City you can be fined and even arrested for anything that disrupts a live Broadway performance.

Other than vaping and giving your boyfriend a handy you mean�

# ? Apr 8, 2024 21:01

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Hughlander posted:

Other than vaping and giving your boyfriend a handy you mean�

That was in Colorado but thanks for playing.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 21:02

100 degrees Calcium: Jan 23, 2011

quote:

He also told me that in his opinion it is me, who has a problem, and I should discuss it with my therapist �that I care too much what people think� (I am in therapy for different reasons, he was actually the one who encouraged me to start therapy in the first place).

He knows what he's doing, and it's bad.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 21:03

Elviscat: Jan 1, 2008; Well don't you know I'm caught in a trap?

John Wick of Dogs posted:

The guy at the opera:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGcCV-WYGKU

This is one of the least funny things I've ever seen, it's impressive.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 21:04

DreamingofRoses: Jun 27, 2013; Nap Ghost

AITAH for suspecting my wife of infidelity because she said that for her cheating is not the worst thing that could happen in a relationship?

quote:

I (41M) have been married for 7 years to my wife (39F). We are childfree by choice. We have a great, stable marriage, without major quarrels and disagreements, full of respect, tenderness and passion.

My wife is a very intelligent, successful woman and I admire her very much. She has a calm character and she is not in the habit of judging other people. She often mentions how annoyed she is by how easily her young students (she�s a University Professor) pass moral judgments and call anything they don't like �toxic�. It also always surprised me that she really has no jealous bone in her body. For example, whenever I texted her that I was going out to lunch with a female colleague from work, she would write me back "OK honey, have fun." She never inquired about where I was when I went out with friends or stuff like that. Of course, I�ve never cheated on her or did anything that would break her trust.

Last week me and my wife were having drinks with her close friends. The subject of infidelities came up � I think it started when some friend said that her sister just found out that her husband cheated on her. Everyone began to talk about their experiences, opinions and emotions related to cheating. That's when my wife said that she personally doesn't think cheating is the worst thing a partner could do to her, and that she would be able to forgive infidelity as long as it was a one-time thing and not an affair that dragged on for months, but that she would rather just never find out about it. I disbelieved her at first. I asked what kind of things she considered worse evils than cheating. She said that she doesn't consider infidelity to be evil at all, just a hurtful decision based on a character flaw, and that in general she doesn't consider many things evil. She said that personally it would be harder for her to forgive abuse, humiliation, or lack of support from a partner in a situation where she really needed it.

I relate this conversation in detail, because it was the cause of everything that happened afterwards. I couldn't understand my wife's perspective, and I thought from the beginning that something like this could only be said by someone who has cheated themselves or was currently cheating, and wanted to rid themselves of guilt. I told her that I now find it hard to believe that she is faithful to me. I asked her if, if she cheated on me, she wouldn't tell me about it either, because she herself "would rather not find out." She said the question made no sense, because she would never cheat on me. That she was only talking about her own opinion and knows that my opinion is different and that I consider infidelity a dealbreaker. I said I can�t believe her. She said that she would never again reveal any of her opinions to me on any serious topic if my reaction is to accuse her. She started crying and immediately went to the bathroom to calm herself down.

I wanted to go after her, but her friends stopped me and told me to give her some time to be alone and cry it out. They told me that she is speaking from experience because her previous long-term partner had cheated on her and she forgave him (they broke up a couple of years later because he wanted children and she didn�t). These friends known her for much longer than I do and they said that as far as they know, she was never unfaithful to me or to anyone else. When my wife came back, I apologized to her and she accepted. The rest of the evening went on as normal.

We returned home and went to bed, but I couldn't fall asleep. All the time I had doubts, I could not stop thinking about what my wife said and about our whole relationship in general. What if the reason she is never jealous is that she herself has been cheating for years, only she doesn't care because she doesn't consider it "evil"? It�s like that thought became stuck in my head and I couldn�t get it out. I reached for my wife�s phone (it�s not password protected) and started looking for potential lovers, scrolling through her messages and emails. I didn�t find anything suspicious and was about to give up when my wife woke up. She saw what I was doing and she didn�t even say anything, she just looked very sad. She stood up, picked up her laptop, unlocked it and put it in front of me. She said "search it too, if you want�, or something like that.

I immediately apologized, closed the laptop and put away the phone. I hugged her and I told her that I love her. We went back to sleep. Since that situation she is quiet and cold. She talks to me normally but something feels off. I know what I did was wrong and I apologized for it, but was it really that big of a deal? Wasn't I at least a little justified because of what she said?

# ? Apr 8, 2024 21:05

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

DreamingofRoses posted:

AITAH for suspecting my wife of infidelity because she said that for her cheating is not the worst thing that could happen in a relationship?

This thread has done things to me because I got excited just reading the title and the story did not disappoint.

# ? Apr 8, 2024 21:10

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Elviscat posted:

This is one of the least funny things I've ever seen, it's impressive.

It is crafted specifically to be so

# ? Apr 8, 2024 21:13

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 18:14

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Fellas, my wife doesn't want a partner who beats her. Does this mean she's a cheating harlot???

# ? Apr 8, 2024 21:13

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